Raw and Real- My struggles with being a working mum

This episode has come from the heart. No notes, no pre prepared ideas... Just how I've been feeling during this last two weeks of the Easter holidays and what I have discovered about myself. 

We're all learning together and I hope that with me being candid, you have found some comfort in this episode.

I’ve created a FREE 7 day secret podcast series called Selling on Stories Like a CEO, and I’m teaching you how to create consistent, predictable sales through your Instagram stories. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of Success Starts Within. So I want this episode to be a little bit of a raw and real episode. I've got no pointers, no notes. I'm just going to go for it because I have been off, well, semi-off. I've had the kids with me for the last couple of weeks, and I have really learned a great deal about myself in this time. And I want to share this with you because I can imagine that it's going to resonate with a few of you as well. Being a mum and working is freaking difficult. Now, everybody has a different nervous system imprint, so everybody can manage stress in different ways, some better than others. And I kind of consider myself as somebody that can manage stress quite well, but I think that pressure and overwhelm has been something that has come up for me quite a lot this last couple of weeks. Not only that, but also a lot of perfectionism has popped up. Now, when we do feel dysregulated, sometimes that's what happens. These little characteristics of ours, or even characteristics that we thought we had healed, start to resurface and they resurface in different ways. So they say there's the phrase new level, new devil. So when you do up level, when you do something bigger and different than what you've done before, and you have a situation like for me, it being the half term, um it brings up some shit. It really does bring up some shit. And I wanted to share it with you because I'm pretty sure that a lot of you mums listening have been feeling the same thing. Now, I'm gonna talk firstly about the perfectionism because I know that's something that affects a great deal of us. Whether we think that we like to have things a certain way or not, or whether we think that we are quite easy peasy, kind of laid back. And when it doesn't, it can kind of throw a spanner in the works of our nervous system. Now, the last couple of weeks, I feel that I've had kind of a good mix of working and also sort of having taken the kids out, but but as I say, I most definitely have had something come up for me, which is if I'm not working, then I don't feel like I'm achieving. Now I've always been somebody that has struggled to um to take time off. I started working when I was 14 years old. At 14, I was earning money and I was saving my money for my driving lessons. So I've always been very forward-thinking, very proactive in that way. Um, and so for me, having two weeks off and having to juggle the kids, I didn't put them in any childcare. I have found that that has come up for me. It's like if I'm not working, then I feel like I'm not achieving. So, what's happened is that I'm working late into the evening. So the kids go to bed and I'm working a lot in the evenings, and it kind of hit me last week. I was like, Do you know what? I actually can't do all of this on my own anymore. Um, I don't have much support in my business at all, and I'm getting to a point where I need to ask for more support, which is what I have decided to do this weekend. I have been proactive and I'm getting some extra help in my business. Because what I've also found is that because I am kind of stuck in the admin side of things, it's taking away the thing that I absolutely love, and that is my creativity. It's taking away the other thing that I absolutely love, which is self-development. I mean, I always am doing some kind of self-development every single day. I'm always analysing myself, thinking about how I can do things to improve myself, how to move forward, but I don't do enough of it. I'm not reading enough books, I'm not learning as much as I would like to, and I've really missed. So I've had this realization this week that I do need more help in my business. But can't alongside that is the shit, I've actually got to delegate. Can someone do it better than me? You know, those thoughts that come up. Well, of course, somebody that is skilled is going to do it much better than me, but it's this feeling of letting go and giving that uh responsibility for my business to somebody else. Um, so that's something that's really kind of been playing in my mind this last couple of weeks because also I found myself getting bogged down in the admin stuff that really I don't need to be doing, I could give to somebody else, and it's taking away that time away from my children. I know that when I am stressed, I do I do kind of withdraw a little bit because my mind is constantly going, and I'm gonna get a little bit upset. I have I have I'm building this business so that I can have more freedom with my time, and that freedom means being with my children more. Um, but getting stuck in certain things in my business has taken my mind elsewhere, and I don't want that anymore. I that's not the reason that I'm doing what I'm doing. Um, so that's been something that's it that's hit me this last couple of weeks is that I need to I need to delegate and I need to get ask for help. It's not always easy to ask for help, whether that be with childcare, whether that be with support in the business. Um, it's not easy at all, especially if you're somebody that has been fiercely independent, like I have, so independent from a very young age. It's to having it's kind of relinquishing that um those parts of me that I have liked to have control over, but now I'm seeing actually it's having a detrimental effect on my mental well-being, it's having a detrimental effect on my relationship with my children. Um, and that's not what that's not what I'm about. That's not and I know that I'm feeling this because it's completely out of alignment with my values. So when you get out of alignment with your values, you have you feel what I'm feeling right now. Things are sticky, things are not right, you feel a little bit low, the the thoughts that the old stories start to pop up in your head. So if you are starting to feel that, just do a little bit of a values check around that situation, and I guarantee that you're going to be completely out of alignment, and it's for you to get back into alignment with that and do whatever is necessary to make that happen. Another thing that I have noticed this holiday is I have retreated quite a lot from social media, and I realised after this last couple of weeks, this is something that I actually do when the kids are off, when I have them, and at the weekends as well. I kind of I'm trying to work out what it is. Like, why do I kind of put my phone aside and not go on social media that much? Is it because I don't want the children to see me on my phone so much? Possibly. Is it because I don't want to create content in front of my children? There is a part of that. So my eldest is quite, you know, she's hearing about TikTok and she's hearing about Instagram and all these things at the moment, and she's taking an interest because to her they mean these like silly videos and dancing videos, and like we watch one where these three dogs eat food. It's so random, my husband loves it, but um, that's what they believe it to be, and so I don't want them to see me using Instagram in a way, but ultimately, Instagram is my business, and it is okay for them to see me working, um, but there's just been a lot of like wanting to step away from social media, and I have recognized this. Like, you'll see I've been quiet, but you'll see me back on it again next week, and I will be active again, and then when there's another holiday, I'll be quiet. It just happens, it just happens. I was thinking as well, like our old stories of worrying about the judgment from other people, has that popped up? I mean, even though there are any children, like I don't know, I don't I just don't know. Like, things have been coming up. I haven't been selling so much these last couple of weeks. Um, things have been bit bit funny, but I actually love it when stuff like this happens because it creates so much awareness for me, and it's usually at these moments when I have an understanding about these old gremlins that are kicking up again that I change and I actually like grow a huge amount in myself and in my business as well. Um, being a mum and juggling is not fucking easy at all, it's not easy at all. Um I have realized that my nervous system is it it doesn't, I don't know, like it doesn't feel safe when I'm working around my children. I think I go into fight or flight and panic. It doesn't help that I decide to rebrand and reposition in the school holiday. It doesn't help that I decide to launch like and create like free podcast series and masterclasses. Like I know I'm my own worst enemy. So this has been another, another learning curve is I've got to stop doing like really, really hard tasks when the kids are off. Um, but you know, it's like when their ideas come in, you get those downloads, you've got to fucking go with them, and you you've got to like just go with it. Um, but yeah, it's it's it's been a bit of a funny couple of weeks, and I've learned a lot about myself. One thing as well that I wanted to share with you, and I am like I'm an open and honest book, and I want and I'm tell you why I am, because I know I'm not the only person that feels the way that I feel, and people don't like to talk about what's going on for them, they like to put on this mask that everything is okay, and I'm not about that. Like, I'm I'm the one at the school mum saying, My kid was a fucking bitch yesterday. I don't hide it because you know what, when I do say that, you get a couple of other mums going, Oh my god, Kirsty, do you know what? I had exactly the same thing. It's so nice to hear that someone else is going through the same, and that's exactly why I'm open, is because I don't want you to feel like you're on your own. I don't want you to feel like you are managing this shit and you're the only person because you're not the only person. Um, so yeah, I I just like to be open with you and let you know like exactly how I'm feeling, but there's definitely for me some dysregulation around being a mum. A hundred percent. Like there's certain situations that I feel like just getting buccal keys and fucking getting in the car and going for a bit. I definitely struggle with noise. I definitely find that when there's a lot of noise, my mind cannot take it. Um, whether that's like if I'm trying to work or not, like it's that constant noise, it really, really gets me very stressed. And I feel myself getting into that like fight or flight, like I get tense and I get to this point where I don't know what what direction to run in. Now, being open, okay, I have felt this in the past. So when I was younger and my parents were divorcing, it was a very tricky time, and there were times where I just wanted to run, but being a young girl, I couldn't run anywhere. I had to stay where I was, and so I had these like this feeling of trying to run. Like, you know, when you're at like the end of a road, and there's like eight or nine different other paths that you could take from the end of this road, and I'm just stood at the end of this road going, which one, which one, you know, and I'm kind of like that frantic, like which one's the best one to go down. That is how I feel sometimes when I'm around the kids. Um, and I need to do some inner child work around that because when they are sorry, I'm I'm just I'll just I'm just thinking actually, I'm just having a little bit of a a little bit of a kind of uh peaceful awareness that's just popped in. I think that when I'm in that moment where I can't escape, so obviously I'm not gonna get out in the car and leave my eight and five year old at home on their own. I have to stay. I think that's why I get very like stressed and very like not don't not knowing what direction to run in because I can't leave. Yes, yes. Do you know what? That is so that makes so much sense. It makes so much sense that that is it, like I can't leave, and so I feel that like I need to go, I need some, you know, I need to choose the right path that's gonna take me away from all of this so that I can feel calm again, but I can't do that. Um, and even just go and trying to hide in the toilet, you know what they're like, they fucking come and find you and bang on the door and ask for a snack. So okay, this isn't making sense. Sorry. This is why I love talking to you guys because it like it helps me so much as well. So it's for me to now learn regulation exercises, and it's for me to learn how to manage that stress and just remind myself that I'm not that young, like 12, 13, 14-year-old girl when I'm in the moment with my children. I'm an adult, I'm a mum, and I'm in control. But what happens is I feel like I'm not in control, and that's why I get very like uptight and stressed. Um, yeah, thank you for thank you for listening to that because actually that's been quite a big realization for me. So, what I'm gonna do about that is I'm gonna journal on that. I'm actually going to do some inner child work and I'm going to think of ways that I can create safety in those moments. I know it's not as easy when the kids are kicking off, like you're stuck in it, but there are some things that I could be doing, and there are some things that I'm going to plan to do because I want to be a more grounded mum. Like, I want it, I want to be more um, I want to be more like in control of these kind of emotions when I get into overwhelm. Um, and I want to be able to role model that to my children as well. So, although I think I'm a fantastic role model, there's obviously still parts of us that we feel we can could improve. And that leads me on to my last realization of the last couple of weeks. Honestly, this is how my brain works, but I fucking love it. I have realized the last couple of weeks that I put an insane amount of pressure on my expectations, and the expectations of myself are so freaking high that I feel like I probably should be doing double the amount of work that I'm cap uh able to do in the time that I have. And when I don't do that, I feel like I'm falling behind. And I'm wondering if that is one of the reasons why I retreat from social media as well, because it's like, well, again, this is a subconscious thing going in my head. I don't know, I need to explore this, but it's like, okay, well, you're you're kind of falling behind, so you may as well just like have a break from social media and stop selling because you haven't got the time for the clients anyway, even though that's not the truth, it is the subconscious stories that influence how you behave now, and it you don't always know that this is happening, you don't have that awareness, but it's how the mind works. It will, when you are in those moments of stress and overwhelm, it will start to feed you old stories and narratives from past experiences that are going to that are going to um highlight and that are going to prove that you're not coping, that you can't do this anymore, that maybe you're not the right person, and all these other things that go on in our mind. That's what the subconscious mind does because it does not want us to move forward. It doesn't want us to go out of our comfort zone. And so it chucks all this shit at us and it keeps us stuck, it keeps us playing small. That's where it that is its safe space. It's happy places that is for us to just keep plodding along as we're doing, not for us to be pushing and for us to be growing and like being more visible and doing all of the things that we consciously desire because it isn't it isn't prepared for that yet. So, what I'm going to be doing now over the next couple of weeks is really working. I've written a list of my limiting beliefs to work on, and there are eight of them, and I'm really gonna spend my time working through each and every one of these, and I'm going to be using the um main character method, which is my own unique framework. It's the one that I know frickin' works. Like I know that I'm gonna completely release these um limiting beliefs so quickly, without a doubt, because the main character method is just shit hot. Um, and I do it with my clients, I do it on myself. It was born from my own experience, my own self-development journey, so I know what freaking works, and this is what, and I'm actually quite excited to see. Like, if I've had these kind of like eight different realizations and limiting beliefs that have popped up in the last two weeks, when I dedicate time to work on them, how different am I gonna be in like two, three, four weeks? How much yeah, just it's gonna be amazing. I'm actually quite excited about it. So, I wanted to share these with you, as I said, because I know that you're a mum in business, and I know that it's not fucking easy, and you're probably feeling the same. And I would love to hear from you if you are, because I said it's nice to know that we're not the only one, um, and that we are all all kind of struggling in our own ways, but I'd want you to know that there is a way forward, like the main character method is the thing that is going to get you out of this, because we don't want to stay where we are constantly, we don't want to allow these thoughts to be going through our mind all the time, we don't want to be allowing them to take control of us because when we do, then we don't grow, and when we don't grow, we get frustrated, and when we get frustrated, we're like, why are we not moving forward? Why is my business not growing? Why am I not getting more clients? Why am I not selling enough? Because we're holding ourselves back. So it's so important to constantly address and challenge these beliefs that come up because every belief that I wrote down and everything that I've spoken to you uh about today are either not true or they're things that I can very easily change when I do inner work and I put that commitment to myself, and as a result, I'm gonna be a different person because of it. So thank you very much for listening to this, and thank you very much for listening to me self-coach myself for a couple of minutes. It's actually been really um it's been really nice to talk to you and to kind of have this raw and real episode. I'm gonna do more of these actually because as I said, as I said to you earlier, like I'm an open book, I want you to know that I'm experiencing stuff as well, like everybody's lives are different, nobody's life is perfect, nobody feels and thinks perfectly, everybody has hang-ups, everybody has limited beliefs, everybody has things that they tell themselves that they can't do when they know that they can. There's things that people tell themselves they can't do, even though they think they can't, but they can. So, um yeah, thank you so much for listening to this. Now, I have as part of my busy work this last couple of weeks, I have created a free secret seven-day secret podcast series called Sell on Stories like a CEO. And what it is, it is seven days of me teaching and telling you how to sell on your Instagram stories every single day. And I'll talk about the things that usually come up for people when they're trying to sell. So it's like that fear of judgment, lack of confidence, uh, the changing of their message, messaging, etc. And it is a fantastic series. I'm so pleased with it, and I've had some amazing feedback so far. And when you listen to all seven of them and you complete the challenges, there is a little surprise for you at the end. So I would love for you to sign up and just start selling every day. It really isn't as hard as you think. I know it's exposing, but we don't have a business if we don't have clients. We don't have a business if we don't sell our offers, and we don't have a business if we don't sell our products. So it's really important to start shedding the shit that is stopping us from showing up every single day and talking about what we offer and how we can support and transform people's lives. So have the most wonderful week, and I appreciate every single one of you. I would love you to like, follow, and share the podcast. I want more women to get access to this. I want more mums to listen to this and be like, fuck, she knows what she's talking about. Because I feel the same. I just feel so grateful that. Somebody has said exactly what I'm thinking that I don't want to say out loud. So please, I would honestly appreciate if you could share these episodes with your friends, family, whoever, and let's just start let's just start making women feel better about themselves and not feeling like they're on their own and isolated and that what they're going through is just them because we're all fucking going through it too together. Alright, lovelies. I'll speak to you next week. Bye.