Off Stage and On Duty

Keeping It Close (and a Little Spicy) : Intimacy on the Road

• Stage Wives • Season 1 • Episode 16

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0:00 | 46:47

Distance doesn’t have to mean disconnection. In this episode, we explore how couples in the music industry nurture intimacy while navigating long tours, time zones, and unpredictable schedules. We share honest conversations about staying emotionally close, staying spicy, and keeping your relationship healthy when life on the road pulls you in different directions.

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SPEAKER_05

One, two, three, four.

SPEAKER_02

Hello, you guys. Welcome to another episode of Off Stage and On Duty. I'm your host, Rai. And I'm your host, Ray. And we're just gonna hang out today. Like, we are entering into March. Valentine's was just a few weeks ago. Ray, how was your Valentine's Day?

SPEAKER_04

It was really good. Uh he, my husband was here. It was awesome because we got to spend some time together. And then I was so lucky to have best friends like you. And uh so we got childcare taken care of and was able to go out to a nice fancy dinner, and um it was pretty low-key. We didn't do anything too crazy other than go out, but um, it was nice to be able to step out of the house and like decompress with him for a little bit and just joke. We we do the whole thing where we go to a restaurant and like look at other people and try to guess their backstories and like all of their lore behind why they're there.

SPEAKER_02

Do you do like the fill-in-the-blank conversations? Like sometimes if I go to sports bars with friends, like the TVs, you can't hear them, right? Because it's a sports bar and you just like look at the screen and you're like, okay, you be this guy, you be this guy.

SPEAKER_04

We we don't him, he doesn't work as well with like improv stuff like that, so he gets really shy and like kind of shuts down. But I do that, and you and I do that too. Oh yeah, you and I do that really well.

SPEAKER_01

We did that at a whole podcast. Super bowl. Whenever we get video set up, we should make that a whole entire podcast. Just like badly, badly.

SPEAKER_04

Yep. Y'all should have seen us uh Super Bowl Sunday.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my gosh, it was so good.

SPEAKER_04

And the the boys are just looking at us, like shaking their head, and we're all like, I ran really fast and I got the ball, and it was really, really cool thing. And did you see the move I made?

SPEAKER_03

It was amazing.

SPEAKER_02

Y'all just had to be there. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry if you guys feel left out, but it was a treat. You know what? Honestly, next stagewife uh meeting we should have in person. We should go to a sports bra and we can just play it as like a group of ladies because I think it would be hilarious.

SPEAKER_04

It's so fun.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, dude, mine was also really chill. It was obviously, I mean, it was a two-kid day instead of one, but we had a really great, like chill day. Like the kiddos played, had breakfast. It was like it was a really good time. But I have a question for you. Oh, okay. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done for your spouse on the road that has failed terribly? And if it makes you feel better, I have a really good story after this.

SPEAKER_04

So I think like the only big thing that I kind of did on the road was uh I I have a really I think it's fun, so it's not necessarily bad or embarrassing, but um, I like to when I go to concerts with him and like see him on stage, I like to text him dirty text while he's up there, and he's monitor engineer, so I can see him. And so like I like to and he sees on his like computer or on his watch and stuff like that, he'll see the text come through and I can see him just shaking his head like, oh my god, Rachel. And uh there's been a few times where he was he was up there, and then I sent some particularly spicy content over the airwaves, and he's just looking, he looks out at me into the crowd like you better stop right now. And so I saw him like try to start uh putting his phone on do not disturb, which best wife thing to do while your husband's trying to make money for your family. Probably not, but um, it was so funny though to see him up there like getting nervous and red, his face would get beat red. Um, and then there's been a few times where people walk too close to the computers, and I had to remember that he has Mac, so all of his texts also go through the computer. So danger, danger, danger.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. So which for women for context, everyone, Hunt like Hunter is one of those guys that if he raises an eyebrow, he's frustrated. If he like turns like a slight shade of pink, he is wildly embarrassed. So like just with very collected, and so anytime you see any kind of thing. If you get him riled up, it is like honestly, it's the joy of my life as Ray's best friend just to be like little sister status with Hunter and just like try to get him frustrated. We love you, Hunter, so much. But uh like the anarchic anarchist in me is like, let's get this dude frazzled. And I've had a very difficult time. We've been friends for almost 10 years, almost. And yeah, it's been a challenge to say the least, because he doesn't frazzle very easily.

SPEAKER_04

It's so funny to watch watch you try to do that though. Like, for those of you who don't know them, like their gifts for each other almost every single year is something related to the middle finger. And so she she got him a coffee mug that has a middle finger in it. She also got him a uh a little pop-up box that if you open it, the middle finger flings out.

SPEAKER_02

Which makes me feel like a terrible person because all of his gifts for me have been so thoughtful and like well thought out and planned.

SPEAKER_03

And I'm just like, did I misunderstand our relationship? Because I just I'm here for the I'm here for the plot, basically.

SPEAKER_04

But it's so funny though, because like just a lot of people don't always understand. And uh, but like your intros to each other whenever you see each other driving down the street is flipping each other off.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah, and that's got me in trouble a few times because like his his truck is like generic black yeah, it's generic, the brand, the the color, all the things. And so there's another same kind of truck that goes to the school. And so I almost, but I like double checked. It's an like it thankfully, it's a bald man that drives that truck, and like Hunter is not bald. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No guy Fierro is driving that truck, but um, yeah, that is hilarious, and I'm sure it's relatable for a lot of stagewives out there who have gone to shows. And if you haven't tried that, 10 out of 10 recommend that you should. It's very fun. I think going to the shows, not necessarily sending dirty text messages, which is also you can also like risk it for the biscuit, like Russian real life. Yeah, why not? But uh, I think my most embarrassing I don't know, I don't think, I know my most embarrassing story with my ex was I took his work computer and like took a little, you know how you used to be able to like flip it open, do the camera, photo booth thing. This is probably not safe for children. So just letting you know, giving you a second to pause the uh pause the podcast. Okay, now we're safe. So I took his work computer and took a little cute little picture of my tatas because I thought they were adorable, and I was like, oh, this will make him laugh, it'll make him blush. You're wearing a bra. I was, yeah. Um, but they looked really good. But I took it for and I said it as the backdrop for his work computer. Ladies, rookie mistake. Okay, if we're newly married, if we are doing the thing, if you're like, oh, this is really cute and funny, yes, you're right, it is, but sometimes they don't open their work computer unless they're around their clients and work.

SPEAKER_03

So at work, go figure, go figure.

SPEAKER_02

So I don't remember if it was Lacrae or if it was Lecrae's DJ. I think it might have been both. I honestly I don't remember, but he opened his work computer and ha ha ha, there I'm my tatas, just on full display.

SPEAKER_04

So it's a bunch of gold.

SPEAKER_02

And so I get a phone call and I'm like, and he was like, Rye, what did you do? And I was like, ha ha ha, did you see my present? And he was like, I opened my computer in front of the artist and the rest of the audio crew. And to which I was, no, I was dying. I was so embarrassed. Yeah, so just you know, tip for ladies. If you want to get your men all riled up at a show, tip for tip, feel free. Tip for tit. Uh, if you want to get them riled up at a show, feel free to send them dirty texts. Just don't put anything inappropriate on their work computer. This should be common knowledge. I understand.

SPEAKER_03

Like, I get it. I I know someone has to learn for us. Someone has to learn for us. There is something in Proverbs about the wives learning from other people, the fools not.

SPEAKER_02

Like, let's just learn from my mistakes and know that, like, let's just not do that. Okay. We have a few new stage wives who we actually just did our virtual Galantine's meetup. So fun. Shout out to all of our girls. We love you. Thank you for showing up. That was super fun. We loved it. But a couple of the girls on there were like newlyweds, and they're like, just into this. So this is for you. Please don't do that. Feel free to be as flirty with your man as you want. Just be careful. Just be careful. Don't get fired. Take it from me, ladies. Have fun. Work on your intimacy on the road, but don't put in dirty pictures where it can be seen publicly. Again, should be common knowledge. Learn from your girl. Okay.

SPEAKER_04

I love that we're talking about this though. And I I think we'll talk about it multiple times on this podcast. It's like intimacy intimacy on the road is such a difficult thing to handle because timelines don't align. Uh also, you know, depending on what the situation is for your man on the road, he's either on the bus in front of a bunch of other people and or in a shared hotel room, or if he's lucky, like it's just interesting to have to figure out like how do I interact with my husband while on the road. And um, it's tough. And intimacy doesn't just mean sex, like it's way more than that. It means like connection between each other. And um I think what what's so nice about having our private Facebook group, uh, We Are Stage Wives on Facebook, is that in there, like we can you can post tips to like ways to interact and engage with different um with your men on the road, like through text messages, and how do you keep the relationship still going and how do you keep excitement? One of the things that we posted in that group around Valentine's Day was these little pictures that you could download and then write on them and then send them to your man on the road. And it was like the favorite my most favorite memory of you, or times I forget all the things that we put out there, but it was cute, little promps and stuff. But um, I think it's super important for us as stagewives to give as many opportunities for our men to be able to maintain like intimacy and a relationship on the road and not just like say, Well, he's not here, I'm just gonna check out.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

So because I I know that was our default for a while.

SPEAKER_02

Well, mine too, dude. Well, because it's so easy to compartmentalize. Yeah, right. Like it's so easy to be, especially with my ex. I actually remember being in like, okay, he's on the road. I'm going into single girl friendship mode. And I would have friends stay the night, and I would have girls' nights all the time, which there's nothing wrong with that, especially as like And you need that. Yeah, for sure. But I mean, like, with no kids, no other responsibilities, blah, blah, blah, blah, it is very easy to compartmentalize of well, he's gone, so I'm gonna focus on my girlfriends, and I would genuinely forget to text him, I would forget to reach out, I would forget to be like, hey, I was thinking about you today, or like fill in the blank, you know what I mean? Yeah. And so it definitely takes two to tango too.

SPEAKER_04

So, like, as your your spouse also needs to be the one to initiate things on the road, yeah. But that's for sure. But I think like naturally when the men are working 16-hour days handling setting up trusts and unwrapping cables and managing the the band or playing or rehearsing and all the different things that they're doing, we usually have more time to look at a phone than they do. Yes. And so there is an element of like, you know, if you love that person and you mutually respect them, then sometimes, like, you know, you can as a woman be the initiator. We don't always have to let the men initiate everything. I think that is a something that's super common in the dating world right now, and it drives me crazy.

SPEAKER_02

Dude, okay, hold on. So I triggered something. I did, you did. You did. So I was actually just talking about this today. How much the word submit triggers me for copious amounts of reasons, but it is this weird switch in our brains that's like, oh, the man has it, the man can do this, the man can do that, blah blah blah. And it almost shirks responsibility off of the woman in a lot of ways. And I love it when men initiate. Like I love it. It's the best. But when I like I've heard it over and over and over again from men that like when a woman steps in and initiates what what have you, whether it be a kind of text, a date night, a spicy situation, a initiation of fill in the blank married woman. Um what that does for their ego and their confidence, because they feel wanted. And it is interesting to me when the role is strictly on the man, and it's like we don't take time to think of like, oh, what if I were in that situation? What if it were just on me always to text, to initiate, to blah blah blah? At some point we would be like, Are we even wanted? And I'm sure that's what our men feel from time to time whenever they're on the road. It's like, oh, am I even wanted at home? Like she's not checking on missing. Yeah, and I mean that it goes from situation to situation, right? Like every relationship is different. Stage wife, every relationship is different on the road. Like you just have to figure out what works for you and what works for your spouse or your boyfriend or your partner, whatever. Like, and that's the tricky thing, it's trial and error.

SPEAKER_04

And figuring out what specifically works for you guys. Because I do know that like during part of our relationship, I mean, we've been married almost 10 years now, and during part of it, like there was a lot of times where it was a season where I initiated more than he did, and in texting on the road and everything, and then there's other seasons that I've had my life that's been super crazy busy. Yeah, and I haven't been able to focus on that as much, and so he's the initiator. And then there's been a few other seasons where it was really rough where neither of us initiated, yeah, and then it was just roommate status for a while, which was really tough. But yeah, but I feel like it's kind of I don't want to say like inevitable, but so many marriages and relationships go through that at one point. It's ebbs and flows, though. It's yeah, it's ebbs and flows. And so, like at some point there will probably be a plateau, and you have to decide as a stage wife, and you know, you're the partner of your husband or or um fiance or whatever, like you have to decide am I going to let this continue to be a plateau, or am I gonna step up and try to initiate the thing? And you know, and I do give credit where credit is due to a lot of women who do this and their husbands don't respond. Yeah. And that's like a whole nother conversation. Totally. And totally very tough. Um, I also like so I know a lot of people, some that like initiate really well and then the husbands don't respond at all, and that is a really, really tough spot to be in because it it definitely disheartens the women the women who are doing that if they don't hear anything back and or there's frustration for that, or or but there also needs to be a little bit of grace, and like we can't bombard them with everything in the next special reflection of the same amount of effort at all times.

SPEAKER_02

But I will say I have a story on that. Yes, please. So uh when my ex he was traveling internationally, and I was very frustrated, very downheartened, and I was like, you know what, screw it, I'm just gonna write him a love letter every day. And I did that for I think six days in a row with no response. And I got really discouraged, so I stopped. And then he eventually told me that those meant the world to him. But then he opened up to me a few months later about a really traumatic event that happened in those weeks that or those days that I was texting him. And so we just don't know what our men are going through on the road. We don't know what they're able to share because with some artists they do sign NDAs, with some artists, they can't share right away. With some artists, they do have to worry about like well, I can't share that because publicity fill in the blank. Yeah, you know what I mean? So it every situation is just so incredibly different. So having grace with your man, it's it's this weird balance, right? Of having grace for your man in their situation, but also allowing respect for yourself to coexist with respect for your man. And that doesn't happen unless there's clear communication.

SPEAKER_04

Because we're we're not in this role to be a doormat for them and to live their lives falling around on their coattails, but we are we are partners. Yeah. We're in this together.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Well, dude, and the potential for a beautiful life as a stage wife and them having a beautiful life as a stage hand, whether that be audio engineer, lighting engineer, back line tech, guitar tech, man like what have you, fill in the blank. The capacity and the potential for you two being a power couple in this lifestyle is so real, yeah, and it's so tangible. And it's part of the reason why Ray and I are so passionate about stagewives, is because we're not just living in this like Dululu rom-com of like trigger warning. We're not going to focus on the family, your marriage. Okay. Like, we are not here for that. There's a lot of stagewives in our Facebook group that are thriving. There's a lot of stagewives in our Facebook group that are really struggling. Yeah. That we don't know how it's gonna work out. But we are here together and we are going to figure out the best path of approach for your situation. And but the potential for beauty is truly there.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's part of what this community means so much to us too, because every relationship is different. But how do you figure out what works for you guys? Trial and error, but I think one of the hardest things is doing trial and error by yourself because then you're only really looking at the results of that through your own lens. Yeah. And so having a community that understands that, where you can share that with others. You can share, like, hey, I tried this and this is not really working, or like, hey, I really wanted to do something special and I don't think you took it the right way. What are your opinions? What do you think? Like having that community to bounce ideas off of is so crucial. Well, dude, it's so crucial.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like the beauty of stagewives is it is multi-generational because, like, when I first got married, my frontal lobe was not fully developed. She was young, she was a baby, she was figuring it out. You know what I mean? But then we've got stagewives like Rhonda Halbert, who is incredible, who has been doing this for like 32 plus years. And then a million, like, I can think of off the top of my head seven other stagewives that are over the age of 40 that have been doing this for so long. And then I'm like, yes, please, baby, go have coffee with me. Tell me what to do, like help me figure this out so that I can do this well, not just for him, but for myself as well. Because your dreams, your what you are called to, all of it matters. His dreams matter, your dreams matter, your children's dreams matter. Yep. The capacity for beauty and for thriving is available.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And that's the thing that I feel like is so that the not to get spiritual on you guys, but but I think that is something that the enemy would love for you to think is that like this is hopeless, there's no end in sight, there's no light at the end of the tunnel, there is no better days. There are like I am just stuck in this misery, I am trapped, I am filling the blank to the end of time, and that's just not true. It's not, yeah. There's so much life ahead of you, my love. There really is.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I'm I'm so excited because I feel like, especially in the last like week or so, we've had a nice little bump and growth in our our community, and just to see the new faces come in and see see the new engagement that we're having and communications about like what life on the road is like. And yeah, you know, we've had a really awesome opportunity. We um by I don't know if by the time this comes out, if it'll be out yet or not, but we did have the awesome opportunity to sit down with Nikki Sands from Gigs. So if y'all don't follow her, you should because she's incredible, love her, and she has such an amazing insight into what it's like to tour as a woman on the road, but then also as like a really good place, like her podcast, everything is really great to um use to look to look into the lives of our men on the road and have like an understanding and kind of she honors them so well. Oh, she does, and uh and I think like why we're so grateful too that she asked us to be on her podcast is because she sees the need for a community for these stage wives as well and the how important it is to not just have like good connection with you and your spouse on the road, but also that you have a connection and spa safe place here uh with other people who are going through the same thing. Yeah. So I'm I'm just really excited. I can't wait for that episode to come out. Mommy too.

SPEAKER_02

Hopefully it's out by now, but we will be moments. It'll be out soon.

SPEAKER_04

When it does go out, it's gonna be super exciting. Um, but I want to be able to give you guys some practical stuff too.

SPEAKER_01

What? You always look at me when you say practical, like buckle up, butter, buckle up. Ray has these like piercing eyes.

SPEAKER_02

They're blue and they're fierce. And every time she looks at me, I'm like, what am what am I doing? Oh god, sit up straighter. Here we go.

SPEAKER_04

Somebody took a picture of me last week and I looked like I had serial killer eyes. And then we were I did. No, I have never seen my eyes that they're just they were just glacier blue.

SPEAKER_02

What you're calling intense, other people call fierce. It was scary. It was beautiful, scary. It was wonderful. I loved it. I loved it so much.

SPEAKER_03

Actually, actually they looked great. It was real beautiful. It was really beautiful.

SPEAKER_02

And I wanted to swim in them.

SPEAKER_03

Anyways, practical. Here we go.

SPEAKER_04

Anyways, so um a few like texts that you can send him on the road. And these are these are built off of those little little printouts that I put in the group. I did find it though, and I wanted to share them with you. So write it down if you want. Um, but these are really great ways to open up conversation through text on the road and make sure that they know that you're thinking of them. But my favorite memory from when we fell in love. Aww. Oh. I know. I have to like go. It's been so long. Like, I mean, we've been falling in love all the way over the last 10 years.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. But um that's really sweet.

SPEAKER_04

I love that one. The other one is a small habit of yours I adore.

unknown

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_04

Mine is gonna be how my husband does not get upset with me for how many cabinet doors I leave open. He just slowly goes behind me and shuts all of them. Um, another one is one memory of us that always makes me smile. Something I never thank you for enough.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that's really good. That's a good ego booster.

SPEAKER_04

That's a really good one, especially if they feel like they're not doing enough on the road. Or I feel I feel like for them, a lot of times it's like if they need to bring in more money for the family, their only option is to be gone more. Yeah. And um, that's tough because that's a lot of pressure.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Um that is so then that honestly that takes the joy out of it as a fellow creative, and you know that too. If I feel like I'm writing songs for the paycheck, the songs are not as good. They're just not. Absolutely. If you're burning wood for the paycheck, they're not as good. They're just not. Man, that's wild. That's good.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, another one is how you've changed my life for the better. Another, another really good one. Yeah, yeah. Um, something I hope we never stop doing. So those are a few of them. I have a lot more. I'm gonna continue to post these and share these.

SPEAKER_02

Come join the the private Facebook group. Also follow us on Instagram too, because we'll be posting those as well.

SPEAKER_04

At Stagewives. Um, and then the private Facebook group. I say it a million times, but it is different. We are Stagewives, and that's because we have a business page called Stagewives on Facebook, and then we have our private group where you can get in all the nitty-gritty.

SPEAKER_02

And please note, y'all, I think people hear a public stage, a public Facebook group, and then a private Facebook group, and they're like, Well, what's the difference? Do I have to pay for it? Blah blah blah. But the private Facebook group is just for your protection. We want to be able to get into the nitty-gritty without everybody be able to see. We want to be able to have honest conversations, we want to ask questions, like it's just for your safety, for your security.

SPEAKER_04

So and it is just for people who are married to someone on the road. Well, or dating. Yeah, or dating. You don't have to be married per se, and you don't technically have to be someone married into the music industry. This could also apply to truck drivers or TV film, or I just recently talked to somebody who I gave the card and told to join the community who is married to a football player who a professional football player that goes out.

SPEAKER_02

So well, dude, yeah, like military wives, I know, sports, like the amount of time that football players and baseball players and hockey players are on the road as well. Like it just, yeah. Yeah, we are obviously very niche to the music industry because it is a niche that is needed, but I haven't even thought about the fact that like sports guys are gone as long. Sports guys, you can tell that I'm really sporty.

SPEAKER_03

I know my athletes, okay? Like, we'll watch sports ball. We'll definitely watch the Super Bowl for the Super Bowl, not the halftime show. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely. We did not mute the entire game and then unmute it for bad bunny, okay? Listen.

SPEAKER_02

So sorry, we love you guys so much. We we just we have our niche, okay? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

So if you're if you're not in the music industry or married to someone in the music industry, you're just gonna have to deal with um, deal with some music puns here and there and deal with some very niche references, but all of our practical applications and what we say and how we talk about it are very applicable to you guys. Yeah. So a thousand percent. I have another thing to give you guys. I'm really excited about this because I saw it on the TikToks. This is not a new thing, this has been around for a while, but it's called the three questions game. And I think it's a really fun way to just get to know your spouse a little bit better. Um, I did this with my husband uh last night, and our the answers cracked me up. Should we roleplay?

SPEAKER_02

Am I your husband? Who am I? What are we doing?

SPEAKER_04

I'm gonna ask you, just ask my best friend because it doesn't, we don't have to be, you know, married to each other for this to work.

SPEAKER_02

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.

SPEAKER_04

So, Ryan, yeah, what is your favorite color? Green. Actually, no, yellow. Okay. What well any any any extra, like just yellow, yellow or specific yellow?

SPEAKER_02

I love pomelo yellow. Pamelo? Pamelo. It's it's kind of fruit. Pomelo yellow really makes me happy. Mint green really makes me happy. And let's go for your number one Pamelo yellow.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, and then I need three deep reasons why that's your favorite color.

SPEAKER_02

Because it brings me joy, it reminds me of sunshine and happiness and life and energy and possibilities.

SPEAKER_04

Ooh, I love that. Um, I'm writing these down because I have a memory of a goldfish. Okay. Um that was great. Number two, what is your favorite animal? Otter. Okay. And why specifically an otter?

unknown

Oh my god, because they're so freaking cute.

SPEAKER_02

Because they're adorable, because they mate for life, because they sleep holding hands with their spouse so they don't float float away from each other. And because they engage so much in play. And they are one of the few mammals on earth that just play for the sake of play. Like crows are wildly intelligent, and I love crows, and they are a very, very close second because they are wildly intelligent, because they are only they are the only birds that use tools to feed, to build their houses, they can learn, they they also remember who hurt you and who was kind to you. So always be kind to crows, everybody. Oh, yeah. But I love crows, but I love otters because they just they are they engage and play so often. I love that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. Number three, what is your favorite form or body of water? And so that would be like lake, river, waterfall, icicle, ice cube, um, any form of like mist, uh literally ocean. Okay. Okay. Great. And then what are your three deep reasons why?

SPEAKER_02

Because 75% of the world is covered in water and the ocean, and it is the most unknown substance on our planet. We know more about the surface of the moon than we do the depths of the ocean. So mysterious. Very mysterious. Okay. Love it. There's a depth and a power and a respect. A respect is a big big word for the ocean.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. But it and it's definitely not like stale or still.

SPEAKER_02

No, God, no, it's always moving, it's always changing. People protest for the ocean, people clean up the ocean, people fight for the ocean. Like it is something to be respected for sure.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, amazing. So that's it. Those are the three questions. So um, what's so interesting is uh psychologically, these don't represent what they actually represent. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_04

So this uh exposes a little bit of yourself, and I'm really excited for this because I love your answers.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, well, you guys are coming, y'all are coming in hot, getting to know me real well.

SPEAKER_04

Oh yeah. So, number one, your favorite color is supposed to be what how you see yourself. So the reason why you love yellow is what you see in yourself that you love. So let's re-recap. Pomelo, Pamelo? Pamelo, yeah. Pomelo yellow uh brings you joy, sunshine, happiness, life, and possibility, which, as your best friend, I can attest, like, yes, yes, yes, and yes, you are that. So it's something that you highly value in yourself. Um, and either like take pride in of yourself as well. Um, number two, your favorite animal is not just your favorite animal, but it's what you look for in a partner. Your answers were cute, they mate for life, they sleep holding hands, they engage in play, which is so fun. And like they are so they're you know intelligent and all these things. And even if you went for your second, you said intelligent and wildly protective and knows who round you and will hold a grudge for you, like yum, okay. Love that description, but that is what you uh see as valuable and in your partner, um, and what you look for in a partner. So that makes sense. Interesting. That's really interesting.

SPEAKER_02

Interesting.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. And then the last one, the body of water, that one represents what you look for and what you like in your intimate life. Interesting. So what? Yes, so for you, you said ocean. Respect un mysterious, unknown, awe-inspiring, powerful, untapped, respect, the like the the reverence that you had in your voice when you described it was very interesting and like great. And so, like, if you are the the the TikTok I saw was like, these are things to ask on like a first date or second date.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like I've seen this TikTok before. Probably. But the third is usually how you see God, which is interesting. Oh, so it's like how you see in your intimate life, but also how you see God, which is which is very interesting if that's the case. I thought that's where you were going, and then you were like body of water, and I was like, Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, the one I saw was about, and though like looking this up, it's called the Three Questions Game on Teal Swan. So it just gets you an untap, it's just something fun. Um, but what's really interesting is like you know, somebody could choose a bot like a a pond or a lake because it's um it's always the same and it's unchanging. And so like that doesn't sound personally doesn't sound super fun in the bedroom, but like um, but it was just really interesting. Might be something fun to do with him like on the road and just text him those questions and like when you get a chance, answer these and just be um, especially because like the last one is more about like what you want in your intimate life and stuff. I think that'd be fun, and like just a new way to think about that. When I did this game with my husband the other night, it was so funny because his answers were don't kill me, Hunter, for sharing these, but they're so funny. Like a deep dark green was his color, and it was because it makes him it like confident and strength and something can like um consistent and grounding was what he said.

SPEAKER_02

Which to all of our listeners, that is one of Rachel's uh favorite colors, which I find it very interesting.

SPEAKER_04

It is and continue, and so like it was awesome um because because of that, and then the favorite animal was um, so that's how he views himself. The favorite animal was fox, and because of the contrast of the color of the fox on like the backdrops and and the elusiveness of them and how um they're kind of like mysterious and stuff, which is how what he looks for in a partner.

SPEAKER_02

I'm laughing because like if Ray has ever looked at you with these certain eyes, then you know exactly what him talking about. You do, yeah. What was his God answer or his intimate?

SPEAKER_04

Well, I asked him we we did it with the comparison of intimacy, but I guess like it can go, well, I mean, the answers really are interesting.

SPEAKER_02

Depending on how you look at it, it's very interesting.

SPEAKER_04

So his was waterfall, always moving, powerful. Um, the most interesting part was that my answers that I did before this were all the exact same.

SPEAKER_03

Whoa!

SPEAKER_04

Like forest green, fox, waterfall, waterfall. Shut up, yeah. But our reasonings were slightly different for them too, which I loved because dark green was for me, it's the color of plants and life. And so for me, it was life-bringing and joyful and um mysterious, and uh, there's a couple other reasons I said, and then for the fox, it was because they were wildly intelligent and they're sly and they um adds up, and uh they are surprising um because I love the fox the sound that foxes make because they're basically just screams and it it cracks me up.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. So the song What Does the Fox Say was written for a reason.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, exactly. And so that was my reasoning for the fox, and then waterfall was like powerful, and um again, it was like always moving and always fresh and never boring, and that every drop of water that goes through the waterfall is usually not the same drop. No, it's new, yeah. So everything's new and exciting. And so that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02

Yep, it's just like everything is like oh, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check. That's very interesting. Well, if I run mine through the intimacy framework versus versus the God framework, it is like it makes sense. It really does. Cause I'm just like, yeah, I want to be safe and respected and like you know.

SPEAKER_04

And mine is like awe-inspiring waterfall that's powerful, that's yeah, always moving and working. That is so interesting.

SPEAKER_02

So, yeah, stagewives, get it, girls. Text your man, yeah, find out.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, let's compare, put it in the group. Yeah. If if you have consent from your husbands, but um Hunter, you're giving consent through Marin Me.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

All that to say, it is so important though to keep that intimacy on the road flourishing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um, and like this has been a very, very tame episode, but like we love talking about this in our person, like in our in-person meetups, in our virtual meetups. Obviously, we're passionate about all aspects of stage wife life, but we love talking about this stuff because it is really important. How to give your man an ego boost whenever he's gone. Like how to like flirt and be, you know, cute and like a little facetious while they're behind the soundboard. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04

Like just little things that you can do to like give them find something in your day-to-day life that looks a little phallic's in a picture and say thinking of you.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you're at Lowe's, you see a plant, you're like, oh, that reminds me of him. Like send him a little picture. Like, why not? It's just it's the little things that matter so much. I know for me personally, like if I am thinking, whether it be romantically or with friends or whatever, if I'm thinking about somebody, I immediately text them and tell them that I'm like, hey, I'm thinking about you, praying for you, love you. Um, hey, I really appreciate you. Like all my friends know that like it like I am notorious for the, hey, I really appreciate this, this, and this, and this about you. Because like life is short, you never know what it's gonna look like. And so I love to encourage my friends in that way in the moment when I'm thinking about it, ADD, you gotta do what you gotta do. And because why not? What's it gonna hurt? What's it going like it's only going to make the world a better place? It's only gonna make your husband smile, it's only gonna make you feel better, you're only gonna know that you did everything you could.

SPEAKER_04

And even if you're the one who has to step up to make that connection, what it will do is it'll create this synapses in the brain. And that person is going to inherently respond more. Yeah. Whether or not it takes like a moment or like they're just like, oh, and then it just goes into place. Like it is going to create a connection. Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I've heard it over and over and over again, whether it be from pastors or friends or like fill in the blank. Whenever people have a giant fight, the best thing to do is write the top 10 things that you love about that person. It's not that you're trying to convince yourself that you're in love. It's not that you're trying to convince yourself that you should stay. But there is something that happens, we talk about it all the time, in your neuropathways, in your brain, in your synapses that are firing off, that are super pissed, that are in fight or flight. Let's remind ourselves you are not being chased by a dinosaur. You are not in an emergency situation, you are in a very heated discussion with someone who loves you, with someone who chose you and chooses you. You are in a heated discussion with somebody who has done life with you. Like there's a history there, and it is really good to slow down and remind yourself of why you picked that person. Because that person is still there. They might look different. Like on average, people change, they just do every 10 years. But the basis, the core, the foundation is most likely still there. Even in friendships, like the way you would approach like a family ship, like a sister or a brother, or that you would approach a best friendship, or that you would approach a spouse ship. Like, yeah, you we just we have to find the best ways to not sink. And the best way is communication and finding the root, the cause, but also the root of why you two are together in the first place, whether it be blood or love or friendship or whatever.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. I'll have to say we love you guys. We are here for you. We are so excited that you guys are a part of the community. And if you're not yet, we can't wait for when you do join. Um, we are Stagewives on Facebook, our private Facebook group, and then on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook, um, the actual business page is Stagewives. At Stagewives. At Stagewives.

SPEAKER_02

And honestly, y'all, this has been such a great episode. We hope that your Valentine's was good. We really did miss you if you didn't show up to the virtual hangout. It was really fun. We had a great time. Oh, yeah. We got to know some Stagewives and hear some stories and laugh a lot. And I think ours time slot was for an hour. We went like an hour and a half.

SPEAKER_04

Two and a half was what the log was at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_02

Was it two and a half hours? Really? Yes. Interesting. I thought it was an hour and a half, or maybe that was my I don't remember. Anyways, it doesn't matter. We had a great time, is the moral of the story. And we wish you were there. So, like, please, please, please join our private Facebook group. Join, follow us on all of the things, and like we would love to see you at the next one. Um, because we just have a really good time. Yeah. And everybody there is literally all the way from newlyweds to 32 plus years into this lifestyle. And it's just really encouraging, it's really peaceful, it's really great. All of you women are such baddies.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I can honestly say I have not met a single stage wife who is just like, all right, girl, get it together. You know what I mean? Like, there's not been a single one that I have met that I've just been like, you know, come on. But all of you are so incredible and the all of you are so amazing. And I've really, really loved hearing your stories. I've loved getting to know all of you. We love you guys. You guys truly, you are so strong. It is not patronizing, it is real. We are passionate about stagewives because the uh recent studies have shown that the psychological distress that a military wife and a stage wife goes through is almost exactly the same, which is alarming. Which is very alarming, and that is an unmet need. So you are not weak for being tired, you are not weak for needing help, you are not weak for needing therapy or for needing a community. You are actually going through a lot. And it is an untapped need. So we love you. We see you. We are here for you. If I don't respond, or if Ray doesn't respond for whatever reason on social media, the point of our group is that other women will. So we want you to have support. We want you to have a people group that you can go to and be like, I'm struggling with this. There's a whole team of people. It's not just Ray and I. We can we created this group so that there would be a flock and a team and a herd of women who are just like, we are here. What do you need? You need babysitters, you need a house cleaner, you need a dishwasher, whatever.

SPEAKER_04

So if you like this podcast, share it. Comment on it. Rate it. Please, please, please, please. Please, God. It helps us get to the right people and it helps other people who are in the same situation that you are. And so please please share it.

SPEAKER_02

And for context, if you go on Spotify, I'm not sure about other streaming services, but if you go on Spotify and like other podcasts like this, nothing else shows up. Nothing. Nothing else. And like that's good and bad. It's good for us, it's bad for our community. So if you like, share, and comment, then that just means that it gets more views, it gets more likes, it gets more traction. And again, Ray and I are not putting anything in our pockets. We are just making sure that it gets two stage wives.

SPEAKER_04

So send it to your spouse on the road so he can send it to the other bandmates and their wives. Like we are that is that is your that is your community right there. Let's tap into it.

SPEAKER_02

Let's let's grow this community and flourish and thrive together and stay connected because we had an exclusive announcement on gigs that we will repost. We will not share here because it was exclusive on gigs, but we've been leaning toward this announcement for a long time.

SPEAKER_04

Uh so stay tuned because it is about to come out shortly. It is going to be soon. You guys will hear about it probably within the next month, and we're really excited for it. So it's gonna be great. But please, yeah, like, follow, share, do all the things to help the algorithm, keep algorithming.

SPEAKER_02

Yep. We love you guys so so much. You are strong, you are amazing, you are not crazy, and you are capable of doing really, really, really hard things.

SPEAKER_03

Have a great one. Send us send a spicy text. Go do it now. Okay, bye.