Off Stage and On Duty

Not-So-Toxic Positivity

• Stage Wives • Season 1 • Episode 17

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0:00 | 38:34

Let’s be honest—when your spouse hits the road, it’s not all lonely nights and missed calls. In this episode, Rhyan and Ray flip the script on the narrative and talk about the good parts of tour life at home. From cereal-for-dinner nights and skipping the dishes, to embracing makeup-free days, rediscovering hobbies, and finally having space to focus on personal growth—this is your permission slip to enjoy the season you’re in.

We’re not talking about ignoring the hard stuff or slapping a smile on real pain—that’s not what this is. This is about finding genuine gratitude without guilt. Because two things can be true at once: you can miss your person deeply and appreciate the rhythm of life while they’re gone.

If you’ve ever felt a little guilty for enjoying the quiet OR need to focus on the positives while he's gone… this episode is for you.

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SPEAKER_03

One, two, three, four.

SPEAKER_01

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Offstage and On Duty. I'm your host, Rai. And I'm your host Ray. If you are new to this podcast, this is a podcast for spouses of touring individuals. So if your spouse is out on the road in the music industry doing lighting, being a lighting tech, a guitar tech, a audio engineer, tour manager, tour bus driver, like band guy. Like it does not matter. If they tour and you are keeping things in check and holding down the home front, then this is for you. We are coming to you via Stagewives, with which is a community group and a support group for women like you. And this is our podcast, Offstage and On Duty. We are so, so glad you're here. So glad. And speaking of you being here, we got this comment uh a few the probably honestly months ago at this point of we would really love to hear the positives as to, you know, what happens whenever the spouse goes on the road. Like, what are the good things that come along with this lifestyle? And I'm like, you know what? Actually, yeah, let's give, let's give the people Let's dig into it. Let's dig into that. Let's give the people something to smile about and let's, you know, reframe some neuropathways and get out of the woe is me situation and into the man, I'm so glad that this is my life because X, Y, or Z.

SPEAKER_00

So because this lifestyle is hard, but there are some benefits to it. And uh I'm super proud and excited to be a stage wife and to be married into this industry. And I think it's given me a lot of opportunities, it's given our family a lot of opportunities and chances and stuff. And so uh yeah, I think looking at both the positive, but then still being able to talk about the things that are tough are really important.

SPEAKER_01

So this episode is gonna be your go-to for if you're just needing a pick-me-up, if you're needing a little cheerleader in your corner, if you find that super annoying, feel free to skip this episode. It is okay. We still love you, we are still here for you. But this is how Ray and I deal a lot of the time. And this is how we get through when it's extremely tough and uh when we feel like we just can't do this anymore. These are the things that we remind ourselves of and things that we can be grateful for when our men are on the road. So I'm gonna go first just because I am already talking. So one of the things that I love about being a stage wife is when the man is gone.

SPEAKER_00

When the man, period. The pause there. That's not what you mean, guys. No.

SPEAKER_01

When the man is gone, that like I don't know about you guys, but for me, showering and washing my hair and taking care of myself in like all the ways I should be gets kind of put to the bottom of the list. It's not a good trait to have, it is not an example that you should follow at all. But I honestly appreciate the fact that I can just go full cave troll mode whenever he's gone and like walk around the house in my PJs, go stroll the neighborhood with my son with my messy bun. And we are talking messy bun, like no makeup for days in a row. Like it's honestly like low key the best.

SPEAKER_00

It's great.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And you don't have to shave. Yeah, like that's great. You don't have to do that anyway, honestly. Just throwing that out there for all the ladies listening. Like, you don't need to do that anyway. But like baby, what me to do? Whatever, whatever. I like to shave, but I don't like to shave when he's not here. I'm like, nah.

SPEAKER_01

Well, yeah, it's nice to like give your brain a break. It's like, I don't want to do this, I don't have to do this.

SPEAKER_00

It is kind of the the no one's gonna be feeling up my leg tonight. Just my other leg. I'm doing those cricket rubs in the middle of the night.

SPEAKER_01

Ever wonder what it's like to be a cricket? Go visit a stage wife while her husband is on tour, everybody.

SPEAKER_00

I I do I do love that it gives us the freedom to choose where we want to spend our time and not have to worry about another person too. Cause like, I don't know what it is. Sometimes my my husband is completely capable of doing anything and everything himself. But when he is home, sometimes I feel like I'm like, oh, I need to make sure that I'm, you know, giving him attention and like you know taking care of him and that like he's gotta worry about taking care of me, but then balancing the kids. And so, you know, when you get past the the frustration the and the difficulty of having to solo parent if you're a parent, sometimes that like your only job right there is to take care of that kid. And you don't have to worry. So that's like that's like one less mental thing to have to worry about. And I think that's a positive that we need to hold on to when they're gone. It's like, yeah, we miss them and yeah, we need them when they're here and we're really excited to have them back. But sometimes it's a little bit of a brain break. And that's and that's a great thing to hold on to.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, like and yeah, for me, like I actually haven't said this out loud on social media, so you guys will be the first to know. Um, I Ray started seeing somebody. Oh what?

SPEAKER_00

I definitely had no idea.

SPEAKER_01

But uh yeah, he's he's also travels for work, he's a musician, like, and I honestly wouldn't trade my life in any way because I love I honestly like love this lifestyle. I think it's really empowering. But um, it is really nice whenever he is gone. Like obviously I miss him, and what, but whenever he's not coming over for dinner and stuff, like I can do girl dinner, dude. Like mac and cheese and popcorn, like done. Yeah, you know what I mean? Or like the other night I was uh getting my son ready for bed, and I was like, wow, I haven't eaten since 10 o'clock this morning. So I had like a bowl of oatmeal and like a non-alcoholic beer, and that was my dinner. Like girl dinner. Girl dinner. I um yeah, it just you you don't really, you're right, you don't really have that other person to think about. And not that it's a burden, but it's like it is my joy to take care of my boys. It really is.

SPEAKER_00

But well, and I'm always gonna be can I'm always gonna be like, oh, I hope they're you know, I love that person. I want to take care of them, I want to know how they're feeling. I wanna Yeah, you want to make sure they're good. Yeah, and then like, oh, am I spending enough time? Do they feel love? Do they feel like, you know, I don't know. It's just it's it's just one less thing. And you still have to, you still have to like text them and like engage with them, you know. You're not like single single, but like, but it's still it's just like one less thing off your plate that evening. Yeah. And uh, I don't know. I kind of like I I kind of like that. And obviously after a while you're like, oh all right, this is enough. Like I'm tired of being overstimulated with myself. But then also when you find your your person, like your Ryan to me, like your stage wife, buddy, pal, friend, all the you know, all the things, when you find that other person, then like the loneliness too can go away, which is great.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I will say that that does make all the difference in the world. Like, whenever you find your stage wife, Bestie, who gets it that you can do life with, like even Rhonda said that on our podcast when we interviewed Rhonda and Jason, is they're and it was seasonal, right? Because like there was one season she her neighbor was her person she did life with, and then it was girl other wives in the band. And then, you know, it ebbed there are ebbs and flows in this lifestyle. And uh, we actually just had our virtual meetup two days ago or something, and like one of our girls is from Virginia, and then another one is from Florida. We just got some UK girls in the Paris. Oh, two amount of me. Message me.

SPEAKER_00

But, anyways, um We're not all localized in Nashville.

SPEAKER_01

No, well, and if you are a part of Stagewives, we've got girls literally from all over the world. So the likelihood of you finding somebody who is in at least your state or your country is actually high, and that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00

And we're starting to pick up on uh our followers and members of the group right now. So as we grow, like just constantly keep like looking out for posts and people that are interacting to see if you can find that person. Because once you find that person, I mean it's game changing.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it really is.

SPEAKER_00

One of the things that um it kind of depends on who your person is out with right now, on like what freedoms you have to be able to travel with them on tour or visit them on tour. But I think what is really cool about this lifestyle is that it does give you some really cool opportunities. Not that you're gonna be like, hey, babe, I need uh some comp tickets. Um, but a lot of times you can get that kind of stuff and you can go see things that you've wouldn't normally be able to go see or um visit him in different uh cities that you might not normally go to. And uh what what's kind of been nice, and it's a double-edged sword, but what's been kind of been nice is that because of how traveled Hunter is across the world, uh, because of his tours, whenever we go to a new city, he has so much insight on like like place, cool places to go or different restaurants to go. Now, sometimes I can bite you in the butt because you're like, okay, I I need you to be with me exploring, not my tour guide telling me where to go. But I think uh the knowledge that you can gain from like some of the travels and just be able to like avoid bad restaurant spots or bad areas of different cities that you've not been to before, like you just have a lot of opportunity there.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and if you're in the beginning throes of this, you know, maybe you have kids, maybe you don't, but the opportunity for you if you know that he's doing weekend warrior and you're like, hey, I got the whole weekend, like go take a girls' trip, go see family. Like you can also go travel and like do your thing. Like I remember this was this was before I had my son, but I would do like hiking trips every single weekend with one of my best friends, and we would like go chase waterfalls throughout all of Tennessee, and it was awesome. We knew that we were gonna get muddy and dirty and gross, but it was gonna be awesome. And like I picked up uh kayaking during that season of life too, and it was just so fun.

SPEAKER_00

Well, one of the things that was interesting for me that I just actually had this realization a couple months ago was when Hunter and I met, we met in college, and then we got married like literally a week after graduation. And so, in all reality, outside of college, I never really lived by myself. I never had that like solo adult life, but this lifestyle does allow me to still experience that and get the autonomy of it and like get to explore and do things and choose choose how I want to spend my weekend. And like kids throw a wrench in that sometimes, but um especially before you have kids, like the freedom you have to be able to go explore and do things is is like you get that fun autonomy of premarried life, and then you get to also have the other side of it and like the loveliness of having a partner and a and a spouse that you get to grow closer to.

SPEAKER_01

Well, dude, and you make a really great point because I feel like this lifestyle does require a lot of self-awareness and it requires a lot of self-growth. And what better time to do that if you're by yourself? Like, geez, Louise, if you're able to sit down and read a book, whether it be like, you know, either life is about balance, right? And I'm all about like scientific, you know, neuropathways and psychology, I love all those things. But you know what else I love? Alien Galathinius. I love me some Reese and you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02

If you know, you know, but Reese's pieces got that big wingspan energy. But like life is all about balance.

SPEAKER_01

And so, like, if you've got a whole weekend to yourself and you are like instead of feeling sad, like, what are some self-improvement things like we want to work on? Like, do we need to hydrate? Okay, sit there, hydrate, sit in the sun, and read a book. You know what I mean? And sometimes it does. Like, I know this year, for whatever reason, has been so hard with getting back into good habits. And like it last year, I feel like I was crushing, like going running every day and like really taking care of myself. But this year, I've just been working so hard and I'm just like my mental health has been on the last of my priority list. I'm like, it's a really nice day. I'm gonna force myself to sit outside and like and drink some green tea and just start counting my blessings. You know what I mean? Like little things like that can improve your mental health so much. So if you're sitting there being lonely and sad, I do recommend turning off the rom-coms and turning off, you know, like there was a season that I couldn't watch the office for the longest time because it made me sad because I was like, I miss my person. You know what I mean? But find things that bring you joy. Yeah. Let's practice some self-awareness.

SPEAKER_00

After the kids go to bed, who is there to stop you from taking a long bath? Just a big old battery. Just a big old bubble bath.

SPEAKER_02

You get to do that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. All by yourself. You get to have unlimited you time when he's gone. It's something that I've been trying to do as much as I can now that I have a kid. And I kind of wish I I wish I would have taken advantage of this uh more when I was a stage wife without a kid. Uh, but going to restaurants by myself or going to movies by myself or just like experiencing life unabridged, like just go for it and just like, you know, if I want to see a movie, I'm gonna go see a movie. And uh I want to go get uh margarita at Bar Taco and just enjoy and sit there by myself and just like process my day or like bring a little book. Like that sounds so nice. And a lot of times, like lately I've been like, man, I I should have been taking advantage of that more before I had like a dependent. But even even now, like there's still ways that like I'm like what you said, I need to go sit out on the porch or I need to go um like just let her like take a kite to the park and sit on the bench and watch her play, and just yeah, like little things like that to bring you joy and peace in your life in the midst of this lifestyle. Yeah, like you have that freedom. Yeah, and a lot of times I think it's our own minds and our own like the trappings that we put ourselves in, and like the woe is me, I'm sad, I'm lonely. And like we we claim that over ourselves, yeah, and then we don't ever want to leave that hole. And that's I can speak from so much experience that I do that, and it's tough to get out of that, and it's tough to climb out of that hole. But once you do, the freedom that that gives you is like it's amazing, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and it's so much easier to stay angry, and it's so much easier to just complain and to stay sad or to get depressed and get like nice and cozy there. You know what I mean? And it is hard work to pick yourself up out of that to start doing healthy things for yourself. Like there this was a a couple years ago, three years ago, maybe. I think it was three years ago. I was going through like a severe depressive state. And I was like, I'm either going to have to get out of this or like I feel like I'm gonna die. Like I just, I I can't can't do this. Sorry, this is really heavy for a positivity episode, but but the amount of work that it took, and it was like basic things. I like stopped drinking alcohol because that is a depressant, it will mess with your pain chemistry, and started drinking more water, started eating more fruits and veggies and made sure that I got out for at least 30 minutes a day in the sunshine. And just like little itty bitty things, like of fighting for your mental health, having meditative breaks, doing the stuff. And then when you get out of that and you realize what you need to take care of yourself, like there is no more codependency between you and your partner. Like your happiness does not require his presence. And again, it's not a bad thing. We're not trying, we're not telling you to leave your husbands, okay? We're not telling you that you don't need them for anything because that's just you know not true. Obviously, we want our men around, but the fact is that they're not around a lot, and the we have to find the joy in the little things and figuring out what works best for us. Like Ray and I don't do super well on our own. That's why we are together all the time. So all the time. Like we are social butterflies and like we need people, and so we have found our people, we're sticking with our people, we are stuck with the people that we've got.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

And um, but you know, if you are an introvert and you thrive on your own, like, girl, kudos to you. Look how much alone time you have. That's amazing. You know what I mean? Like being in this moment. Yeah, the sky is the limit. And yeah, finding just finding what works for you. I mean, like the dinners by yourself are divine. I used to love doing that. Like just going getting pasta and a glass of red wine and like with a book hanging out is amazing. And like I still do that occasionally with my son. Like, I'll take him on little dates and like we'll sit and we'll talk about his day. And I mean, like, our fancy dates are Olive Garden, like where the meal is like$20 tops and we're just like chilling. Yeah. And we've got leftovers and it's great. But like he thinks it's fancy, he'll sit there, like, we'll talk about his day, we'll read books, and he gets to learn how to eat food like a human.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Well, and like how good is it that he gets to grow up seeing that you can be independent and happy and don't have to have like your partner around 24-7, and like there's you're teaching independence and on for for your kids, like when you do this lifestyle, like you're teaching them that like, hey, you are you are completely capable by yourself, you are strong, you are like you can do this. We come out of the womb alone.

SPEAKER_01

Sorry to break it to everybody, but you know, you're not coming out of the womb with your partner, and if it is, then for those of you who got that reference, please uh comment on this podcast because I'm gonna banjo emoji.

SPEAKER_00

Anyway, but we're not put on this earth to be a partner for our spouse. We have an individual calling, and I think a lot of people don't realize that.

SPEAKER_01

Dude, okay, so I posted this on my Instagram like story a few days ago, but the word helper, when it refers to the wife in the Bible, is only used one other time and it's in reference to God. But the word helper is translated not as helper that we would usually associate it with, but helper as in like mighty warrior. And that is what we are meant to be for our spouses as well. Like we fight for our men, we protect, like we hold down the fort. Like we are meant to be like these strong female amazing warriors for ourselves and for our men. And like, you know, when my son gets sad because, you know, Hunter is gone, or because like all of his buddies are all out on the road, I'm like, I know you miss them, dude, but like we can have our own fun. We'll make our own fun and we'll like we'll do we do a little countdown calendar like for Hunter and like the little videos in the evening, like Yeah, and like we we count down till they're till they're back, but like life doesn't stop while they're gone. Like we have lots of fun and we ride bikes and we go on adventures and you know you gotta do what you gotta do. But like honestly, and that's quality time with you and your kid. Like, what a gift, dude. Yeah, I know it's hard sometimes, but like, oh I'm gonna start crying. But they're not going to be like whatever age your kids are, whether they are newborn, toddler, teenager, adult, you are never they're never gonna be this age again. You are never going to get today back with your kid. Like never.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Like, and it's up to us, like what a gift to be the one who is present to make those memories with them. Like, that is such a gift.

SPEAKER_00

And it's something that a lot of them men on the road in the world. Yeah, wish they had. I think that's like one of the hardest things for Hunter when he's gone. And he talks about that all the time. Of he comes back and he's like, Man, I really wish I could have been there for that event, or I wish I could have been there for the like when she lost her first tooth.

SPEAKER_01

And your pumpkin patch.

SPEAKER_00

All these different things. Or like our zoo day that we have scheduled with the school. Yeah. In a few weeks. Like the we have this gift to be able to be there constantly for our kids. Yeah. And that is a that is a huge blessing. And and like it's it's something that like I need to be reminded of constantly. I'm just really grateful for this time that we have. And it's really it's been tough, especially this year for me, because I've had a lot on my plate. And there's been a lot of like trying to take care of her while also owning multiple businesses and trying to keep those things running. And that's been that's been really difficult. But even in the midst of that, I still have the opportunity to spend time with her, show her what it's like to be an independent adult and have businesses and like you know, in her I have to keep reminding myself like what is your kid seeing too? Like what is happening in their eyes. And as long as like I'm still like finding ways to engage with her while I like have to answer this email and stuff, but I'm still like figuring out how to engage with her and smiling at her and loving on her, like in all reality, she's gonna be remembering the loving times.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So we've so we've covered time with our kids, which is amazing. We've covered girl dinner, which independence, which we all need, independence, self-care time, which is great. You can take trips if you want, like you can look like a cave troll if you want to. You can go to the gym more often if you want to.

SPEAKER_00

One of my can I share one of my favorite memories? Yeah, please do. Like being married to Hunter. It's it's two of them. There's one of them where we actually he was on tour with Lauren Daigle and we went out to Hawaii for a week because she had like one show there. And so we timed it out really well and uh got to spend an entire week in Hawaii right at the tail like uh the week before he had his show there. It was some of the best time I've had with him. And so we tacked on some extra days at the beginning and tacked on some extra days after, and uh, which not everybody gets the freedom to do, but if you can if you can try to tag on stuff so that you know the tour is paying for his flights there and you just have to pay for a few extra hotel days, um, it was the most fun I have ever had on a vacation with him, and I cannot wait to do it again. And then there was another time where he was doing a corporate gig in Florida and they rented out uh Universal Studios for the corporate gig. Nice, and they had let the crew go on, and so he last minute, like the week before, was like, Hey, I think they're gonna let all of us go and explore the park where no one else is there, the whole park was shut down. That's amazing. And so he's like, if you can drive to Florida, uh yeah, you can explore. Sign me up. I know, and so next time, next time that he ends up getting one of those gigs, I'm doing that again because it was some of the most fun I've ever had. Like he he met up with me. I got to explore uh Universal like by myself with a bunch of these other people. I didn't need anybody else, I just rode the mummy over and over and over again. I just went into Harry Potter World and drank all the butterbeer I could eat or drink, and it was the best. Um, and then like when when I was in Hawaii, the last day where he had the show, he had sound check and he had a whole day of work, and I was just like, Cool, babe, I'll be in the infinity pool. Yeah, seriously. So, like so fun. Find ways to be creative with that.

SPEAKER_01

Cause well, and you wouldn't have been able to do that had he not had his job. No, like that's a gift again, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Because his his flight there and back was covered by the tour, he just had them push it. And uh that's awesome. Yeah, so like there's ways that you can finagle yourself into different like runs and things like that, and like have little little mini adventures. Or like those boys are flying 24-7. You know, they got points saved up.

SPEAKER_01

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00

A round trip to from Nashville to New York is not that many points. And so, like, we did we did a literal 30-hour in-between show. Uh I like flew out, he flew me out, and we spent 30 hours in New York, and then he flew me back. And then there was another year that we did that in um, I think it was LA. And we did Halloween in LA and got to do like Dia de los Muertos and stuff, and it was so much fun. And that one was again only like 48 hours. Yeah. And so even if it's just a short trip, yeah, like those are great memories. Those are great memories. And I would not have been able to do it if you was working like a pencil pushing corporate finance, finance, finance job. I mean, maybe because you could afford it at that point as a finance job.

SPEAKER_01

But no hate, no hate to our our uh finance guys. No, we are amazing. We just we don't understand. We pay you lots of money to do our taxes every year, okay? We we could not live without you.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Oh man. Yeah, there's just there's I feel like the more that people look into this lifestyle, we've covered a lot of the things of like getting out of victim mentality and and obviously, you know, being a strong independent woman, X, Y, Z, this is hard, fill in the blank, but very rarely do we look at the blessings. And there are a ton that come with this lifestyle. And like the the hardest thing is finding community, and that's why we're here, everybody. And so, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Is this time for our our plug into the group?

SPEAKER_01

Hey! So if you're new to the podcast, I we said it at the beginning of the episode, but we run a support group called Stagewives, and it is for women like you whose spouses are on the road. We've got a private Facebook group that is called We Are Stagewives. You there is not an application, but you just have to fill out a questionnaire to one confirm that you're a stagewife, to, you know, accepting. Give you the rules and rules and bylaws, like be a good person. You know what I mean? Like it it's not hard bylaws. But um, and then we have an Instagram page, just stagewives. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00

And we also have a you know public uh Facebook page, but and and uh TikTok, but those those two aren't as active as the Instagram is and the obviously the private Facebook group is really where you're gonna get your community.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I know, I know, trust me. I am on Facebook for you guys.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Like that is that's the only reason I'm on Facebook. And trust me, I get it. I know, I know. Facebook is crazy. There's lots of ads, there's lots of AI, there's lots of like craziness on the internet. But if you open your app and just go to stagewives, you don't have to see any of that. But like we want to get into the nitty-gritty with you. We want to be able to talk about hard things, we want to, we want to know what you're needing. We want to person and virtual meetups, yep, and uh connect you with other stagewives and so you can find your people because that is why we exist is for you to find your people. And if your husband's touring, we would love to be your friend. We would love to make you feel seen and feel safe. And it could be a fun little thing, even on this podcast episode, to just comment your favorite thing about your husband touring. And, you know, don't feel bad if it's alone time. Girl, you're totally fine. Yeah. Like, again, I hate it when my person is gone. Like, I hate it. Like he's the best. I want him here, obviously. But I get to be cave troll and have girl dinner and just like let the dishes pile up till the day before he gets back, you know what I'm saying? Like, you just like there is a certain freedom that comes to it. Like, I think that men have man caves and like, oh, this is a bachelor pad. I'm like, have you seen my house? It's uh basically almost the same, maybe a little bit more decorated, but like you know, uh sometimes women want to just relax and chill too.

SPEAKER_00

If you're one of our type A stagewives and you have you want to have a clean house.

SPEAKER_01

I bet your house is so clean when they're gone.

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I bet it's so clean.

SPEAKER_00

It's probably cleaner when they're gone. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Because you you have your routine. Oh yeah. So And then you get then he gets home and then you're just overloaded with dark laundry. Like you find guitar picks. Oh yeah, in all the pockets and oh dude, I so this is so left field, but I'm sure it'll make the stagewives laugh. I maybe not, maybe it'll make him cringe. I did laundry for my ex-husband. I mean, obviously we were married for like 10 years, but uh he refused to let me touch his laundry after year five because I washed two USB, what are those things called?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, like the the keys.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Oh I washed two eye locks with all of his plugins. No, all of his like I know. I felt awful. I definitely cried. He was very mad, and like honestly, rightfully so. I didn't check the pockets of public, but I was just like trying to do a nice thing. It was an accident, it definitely was an accident for sure, yeah. But like I just did his laundry and it was like la la la la la and didn't check his pockets, and yeah, it was well, you know what?

SPEAKER_00

It's it's all the men's fault for having tiny things in their pockets.

SPEAKER_02

You don't see us keeping our tam palms in our pockets now, okay? We got a purse, it's not our fault. We don't have tiny things in our pants. Keep that eye lock on a keychain, please.

SPEAKER_01

Lowered. Anyways, we love you guys. Hopefully, like this, I know it was a short episode today, but hopefully this can be a tool in your tool chest for when you're needing a reminder that it's not all your rain clouds and you know, terribleness. There's actually lots of really great things that come with this lifestyle. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And you're not here to have a terrible life so he can have a great one. Right. Oof.

SPEAKER_02

What? Say that for the end? What are you thinking? Say that again.

SPEAKER_00

You're not here to have a terrible life so he can have a great one.

SPEAKER_01

Please let that sink into your subconscious. Like, please, please, please. Just like put your hand over your heart and repeat that again. Because yeah, you are holding down the fort. You deserve to have some fun. What is that fun for you? Is that reading a book? Is that taking a bubble bath? Is that like responsibly having a glass of wine, you know, after the kids go to bed? Like, what does that look like for you? I would like to know. That's your homework.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's figure it out for to figure it out. No. Figure it out. Figure it out. No, your homework is to figure out what works best for you. What would you do right now if you had nothing holding you back? Love, love that question. Like, for me, for me, I would go stay a night at the the I forget what it's called, but like the Hobbit Hole Hotel Place in Tennessee and just sit outside with coffee and read a book and do art on a porch. Yours is so much more sophisticated than mine. It's it's less, I think it's like for right now, that's what my brain needs. It needs peace. And so it's gonna constantly evolve. But like right now, all I want in my life at the moment is peace. And so, like right now, that's what I need. So, how can I so my my homework is my homework that I'm giving myself right now is gonna be how can I make that happen right now and take the blessings of this life to make that work in my favor.

SPEAKER_01

Love, love, love.

SPEAKER_00

It might not be going to the actual hotel that looks like a hobbit hole, but I could uh enjoy and get up earlier and have my cup of coffee on the porch playing Lord of the Rings Lo-Fi and burn on my porch.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, or just sit there.

SPEAKER_00

Or just sit there.

SPEAKER_01

Literally, that I don't think you need a burn, just sit there.

SPEAKER_00

Well, burning's relaxing for me too. So when it's when it's my own when it when it when I'm not having to like work work for it. But yeah, yeah. So that's my that's my homework is figuring figuring out how do I take what the thing that I really want right now, which is peace and quiet and peacefulness. And how can I put that into my current life? Because in all reality, is that that hard for me? No, I just have to get up earlier and make my own coffee.

SPEAKER_01

So yeah, yours again is so much better than mine. Well, I in the I I don't know long term, but in this moment, all I want to do is lay outside in the sunshine like butt ass naked. I just want to soak up all of the sunshine, photosynthesize, let it sink into the synopsis in my brain and just get the joy from the sun. That's really all I want to do, to be perfectly honest. I I will not do that because I'll get arrested. Brazil trip.

SPEAKER_02

Let's go to stain. Make this attainable.

SPEAKER_01

Anyways, well, this uh went south really quickly. Yeah. So we're gonna go. And uh yeah, don't do anything that'll get you arrested. Obviously, don't go streaking. Nothing that is against the law, y'all, but do what brings you joy. My compromise for that is wearing shorts and a tank top and going outside and soaking up all the sunshine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I might get you one of those like sunlight lamps. Ooh. You open up your window right here, get get on the floor, and then put an actual like UV light.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, dude, I joked around with my girlfriends. Yeah, literally. I joked around with one of my girlfriends last year and I was like, I don't want to have a hot girl summer. I want to have a photosynthesizing summer. And like, I just want to photosynthesize all summer long. I did though buy two lounge chairs for my house because I was like, I will be laying down, letting the sun hit me because I just I need it. I love it so much.

SPEAKER_00

Anyways, we love y'all. So excited that you're listening. Um, if you made it this far, good on you. Proud of you. Thank you for sticking with us in our insanity. But this is life. Yep. This is who we are.

SPEAKER_02

Hold on, time. This is the truth.

SPEAKER_01

All right, y'all. Well, do your homework, find what brings you joy. Maybe even like do a long list of a gratitude journal type thing where why you're thankful he has this job, why you're thankful he's on the road, and then what brings you joy from him being gone. And maybe tr, you know, figure out some fun little hobbies. Could could be stumbled upon. Could be a fun way to like figure out some things that for you. Discover yourself.

SPEAKER_02

Discover yourself.

SPEAKER_01

But we love you all. So glad you're here. And we will see you next time on off stage and on duty.