Your Questions, Our Answers

In this episode of Offstage and On Duty, we’re answering your questions straight from the Stage Wives community—and nothing is off the table. From homeschooling vs. public school decisions to navigating family dynamics in the middle of tour life, we’re diving into the real, everyday challenges that come with loving someone on the road. We also share a very exciting announcement you won’t want to miss. If you’ve ever felt curious or conflicted trying to figure it all out, this episode is for you.

Connect with Stage Wives:

• Website
• Follow us on Instagram
• Join the Private Facebook group
• Follow us on TikTok

Transcript

unknown 0:00

One, two, three, four.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Offstage and On Duty. I'm your host, Rai. And I'm your host, Ray. It has been two weeks since our last episode, and man, so much life has happened. Ray, how are you doing? I am doing. I am here.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

We are we are showing up.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

We are we are two stagewives doing our best over here. And I feel like we're doing actually pretty, we're doing pretty good.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

I think all things considering with everything else going on in the world and like everything that we've got going on in the multiple businesses, I think we are doing fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Dude, and our our stage, I don't want to speak for everybody, but like I feel like the rest of our little stage wife crew is doing pretty good. Dude, it's a it's a wild and crazy season. We're about to jump into spring tours and then festival season right after that.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

We had multiple stagewives in the group, like uh launched new businesses recently. And uh good job, ladies. Yeah, uh a new um bookstore that just launched. I can get more of the details on that later.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

But we're also seeing quite a few go from public school to homeschool as stagewives.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

A lot of uh stagewives that are singer-songwriters that are uh performing and doing shows.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

So it's just y'all are staying busy. Like Ray and I talk about us because we can really only share our own experiences, but like y'all are crushed.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Yeah, the group has been popping off and like and like all the things happening, it's been fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

We and we love seeing like we were just tearing up before we started recording this podcast because a bunch of you guys are sharing, like, I'm you know, in the East or I'm in Columbia or I'm in, you know, West Haven or whatever. Central Florida. Yeah, Central Florida. I'm over, and they're like, Oh, me too. Let's get coffee. And like, guys, that's the whole reason that we started Stage Wives was so that this would happen. Like, Ray and I have built the house, and you guys have come in and really made it a home. And we are just we're thrilled, we're ecstatic.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Oh, I I can't wait to see what happens in this next year, too, and like how this group grows and the the the different connections we're able to do, the in-person meetups. We have got some incrazy amazing things lined up, and just to see the the connection already is just like fantastic. I think it's time to talk about oh my god, what's going on?

SPEAKER_01 2:31

But first, I do want to do a quick little life update from Ray and I because like okay, so Ray, yeah, Hunter is out on the road, he and he's been kind of back and forth. Like, we're about to hit your super busy season and his. Like he's about to be gone for like a month or two straight, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then you've got a lot going on. Tell us, catch us up on where you're at, babe.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Um, so my business has been popping off in the best way, which is super exciting. Um, for those of you who don't know, I am a biographer, a woodburner, and I specialize in realism portraits. And so lately I have found myself in a crossover of worlds right now, and I've been wood burning guitars and uh selling those at auctions and uh for for different like musicians and stuff, which has been super exciting. And then I have a massive four foot by five foot slab that I've been working on for the last three months. And at the uh it will be gifted to the recipient the day this podcast comes out. So please send out a prayer for me.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

Yeah, if you're listening, send up a prayer for Ray.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

It has been something that's been in the works for months, and it was over 120 hours worth of burning by hand, um, literally breaking my back over it. And so um, all that to say, it's been fantastic and an incredible opportunity and an incredible feat to be able to say that I did a piece this large um in the amount of time that I did. Like it's fantastic. So I'm very proud of myself for that. So I'm gonna give like myself a little shameless plug. Um I'm very proud of what I've been able to accomplish this year, and then I have another uh guitar auction to do in two weeks from this podcast coming out.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 4:17

So it's just super exciting, lots of really, really cool things on deck. So you're doing it all as a stage-wise, and yeah, and like with Hunter being gone a lot, it's been trying to balance the single parent lifestyle with doing this. And thankfully, like I have I have Ryan here, and she's been literally the saving grace between making sure my daughter is cared for.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Dude, but this is what we do. This is stage wife life. This is co-parenting. This is this is this is what the village looks like. This is what the village looks like, yeah. I've actually got I've got uh both kiddos today, and honestly, I love it. I wouldn't have it any other way. They're doing great. They've only tried to kill each other twice so far today, and uh, but they're both still alive, so you know, we're doing good.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

We're doing good. So that's what's been going on with me, but I know you've got some really exciting things. We've had an exciting year. Jeez, Louise, it's been a wild year. I would love for all of our little stage wives to be able to maybe get an insight into like what's how this last year has been going, what's been happening this last year. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

So y'all know I've been I was married for 10 years, you know, single moming it, blah, blah, blah. I love having a private life. I'm not public about my personal life on the internet, and I do that very much on purpose. Um, I'm be while listening to podcast. Yeah, as much as I can be. But you know, some things have occurred, and y'all, I started seeing somebody, and y'all know this from the last podcast.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

But um this weekend, serious, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_01 5:52

It's been I mean, he just, you know, he only proposed this weekend.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

And the best proposal I've ever seen in my entire life.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

Dude, he uh he literally he did so good. Like he ugh, yeah. So I'm about to be a stage wife officially again. And uh here he comes now, everybody. Hi, Mr. Man. But uh yeah, about to be a stage wife again. And honestly, I'm so exact so ecstatic. I'm getting all nervous and flustered because he's he's in the kitchen right now.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

But um as as someone who's TikTok and Instagram definitely has noticed the fact that like you guys have been going in that direction. Like I've been getting so many different like proposal videos and like my algorithm, algorithm has been algorithming. Algorithm has been algorithming, and uh I can say without a doubt that if you were to post this, which we don't know what you're gonna post or not post online, but if you were to post the actual proposal, it would go viral for being like the best one.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

So well, regardless, you guys get to know first because you are a family, and yeah, I'm just I'm so excited. And we'll be talking about it a lot more in upcoming episodes and like and he is he is in the music industry, he travels for work, so like diving headfirst back into this lifestyle, and honestly, I love it. And yeah, yeah, it is it is it's it's a very good thing. So I'm really excited.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

She's all red.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

I wish you know I'm like you're trying to keep it, keep it chill, keep it cool, keep it under reps. There's been lots of tears and giggling and yeah jumping up and down, but yeah, we're so excited. Just I'm so excited, thrilled. But speaking of announcements, guys, and keeping it in the family, we have we have um we have talked about this on the gigs podcast, but we have not made an official announcement to you guys. And uh there is a bit of a I'm sorry in that because y'all are family. We want our people to know first.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

And we've just been finalizing some details on the back end and stuff and making sure we have every our T's crossed and our I's dotted, but guys, we wrote a children's book.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

We actually wrote five. We wrote five, but the first one's getting released July 28th, uh-huh. And it's right before school starts. We're so excited, but it is just for the tour world, and it's called Touring Tales, and this actually ties into our theme for this podcast, which is a QA session of just things that we've been asked by other stagewives in our private Facebook group, and we're gonna be addressing a couple of those questions today.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

But one of the questions was talking about reconnection and keeping connection alive over distance between like both the parents and the kids.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

And uh Ray and I scoured the internet for children's books and resources uh for touring couples and for people who are in the music industry or parents that just travel a lot, and there's literally nothing.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Yeah, there's nothing like it, which is insane because the It's such a huge part of the music touring side of it is not the only industry that has like there are books specifically for military, but it is it is a harder of a comparison to our lifestyle. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Because like the stakes aren't as high, but like the the emotional, the the emotional, physical, and spiritual toll that we as stagewives carry is very similar to military wives, and we're not just spouting out random facts, it's actually been proven multiple times. Um, and actually a recent study, if you want to go check out I think it's Amber Health. Amber Health, yes, they released those um statistics. And going back to the children's books, we wrote this because there were none. We scoured the internet, we looked for resources, and for our lifestyles, there's literally nothing out there. So we said, screw it, we're gonna We're gonna make it. We're gonna make it. If it's not there, we're gonna write it ourselves. And so the first book is called The Invisible Backpack. It comes out right before school starts, which we've very much did on purpose. One as a, you know, back to school present for your kiddos, but also a dad's about to go on fall tours, and you know, we wanted to bridge that gap a little bit better. Our tagline for it is Invisible Backpack was written for visible reconnection. And it is literally a therapy tool for you to use for your kids and for your dads, helping them understand what he does.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Take pride in the fact of what he does, so they can actually understand it on a level that's made for kids' consumption.

SPEAKER_01 10:46

Yeah, so that they can understand like dad's not just leaving to hang out with his friends, he's going out to work, but I'm always on his heart and his mind, and sometimes that's hard for kids to understand.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Dad doesn't always live on a plane, he's like because like for for years, my daughter would just like every time she saw a plane, be like, It's dad.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

And uh she had such a hard time understanding the concept of of what that looks like, and so the whole series is to re rebuild and teach our kids about how like what this lifestyle looks like, teach them that we can interact with our parents on the road and have pride in what they do, and like it's just yeah, and also give them tools on how to stay connected with dad whenever he's on the road.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

I want to dive in a little bit more to like what the purpose of Invisible Backpack is specifically because I'm just so proud of this book and proud of how this came together and so excited to release this to you guys because um I think one of the hardest things about this lifestyle is being able to give our kids a tangible way to connect with their parents on the road.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

And like there's so many times in this lifestyle where the parents are missing out on crucial moments of that kid's life, and the the the child is like, I want to tell my parents about this, but like if the timelines don't work out, if I'm at school while they're off, and like you know, Marco Polo in like videos do great in the in between and like as a as a tool, but I I think that like this book is gonna open up the door to a lot of really cool, fun, unique ways to reconnect, reconnect.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

Well, and like every kid is so different, like Marco Polo does not work with my son, like he does not care. And if he sees a video of himself, he wants to watch it. He doesn't really care what like Ben just saying on the other line, doesn't matter. The invisible backpack definitely opens up more options as of how to like stay connected and like giving actual tools for that. But I'm just I'm so ecstatic to finally have tools in our hands that we can have and hold and share and gift and help. You know what I mean? Like, as Gandalf said, too long you've been in the shadows. Too long, you stagewives. This is not Gandalf, but uh too long, you stage wives. We have sat in the shadows and grin and bearing it, yeah, like white knuckling it through life. And like so many stagewives who've been doing this for like 30 plus years have been like, Man, I wish I had this. Whenever, like, that's what we that's been our main feedback whenever we share the books and like how it looks, what it says, like all the things. Also, shout out to our illustrator, Trey Bailey. Oh, Trey.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

Bro, I can't wait to uh we're gonna drag on. We're gonna start uh dropping some uh illustrations and art onto the social.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

No AI was used in the making of this book, y'all. I just he did so fantastic on illustrating it, and he's just a great animator. Like, I can't wait to share more about Trey, but yeah. Um, but yeah, going back to what we said, sorry, I just got excited about that. But it's I'm just I'm thrilled that we're gonna have tools in our hand. And the main feedback that we've gotten whenever we've shared this with other stage wives who've been doing this forever is like, this would have been game-changing with my kids. And this would have been so helpful. And so maybe.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Like if you're if your kids are at a point where they're like, you know, dad just left for a big run or whatever, they're really missing dad, like pull out the invisible backpack. Like, are you feeling are you are you missing dad right now? Like, let's pull out a backpack where you can see your dad in a book, you can see yourself as a kid in this specific lifestyle. And like, you don't have to be, you don't have to read all these kids' books where you see this like nuclear family always around the dinner table at the same time together. Like there is a way to have that healthy separation and and have it shown in books while while teaching kids how to still maintain the connection.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

Like well, and also having having that tool as well. It's like, okay, you miss dad. All right, let's write down why we miss him, what we want to tell him, and then fold it up, put it in the backpack. And then at dinner table, if we're missing dad, okay, that's all right. Put the backpack at the dinner table. And then if we want to tell daddy something, you write it down, you put it in there. Like it's just ways for him to be there without being there. And yeah, we're just excited. We'll share more about it later.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

But please follow us uh at Stagewives on Instagram, mainly, uh, Facebook, and then our private group on Facebook, of course, is called the We Are Stagewives. We will be posting updates now that uh we have our release date, which is super exciting, July 28th. Put it on your calendar. We'll probably have a signing and stagewives get together on that day as well. So just stay tuned because that's gonna be really fun. Um, but yeah, you know, from now to then we are gonna be posting about this. We're gonna launch pre-sales probably a couple, I don't know the exact date for pre-sale day yet, but we will be getting that before the book.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

In the meantime, though, guys, go to our website if you want to stay connected. And there's a little pop-up that you can shoot us your email and we'll give you a preview of what the book looks like. Yep, you'll see what the book looks like, and you'll be able to um get updates right away whenever we have them. So we're excited. We cannot wait. So that's a huge update.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

Yeah, huge. Huge update. And then we'll have we have five written. We have to um well probably unless unless y'all show up and show out and actually and like you know, for the next like year and a half or whatever, we'll probably do one a year. Um, and I'm really hoping we can in, you know, release more. But um our next one is a slow burn, y'all. But we'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. Yeah, yeah. But if you guys, if you guys like it and want to support us, please sign up for that um newsletter for the more information. And when we do pre-sales and when we launch the book, please like grab one for your kids, grab one for your other, you know, stage wives who are going through a hard time. Like, just um the more that we can this this whole organization, the the books, all of this is not to put money in Ryanai's pocket, it's to serve the community. Like, we really want to create um resources where there was none before. And we want to create a community where you guys feel supported, like Ryan I feel supported in each other. And um and this is just the beginning. And this is this is where if you guys have wanted to help, this is where. So go go purchase a book. Once those pre-sales go live, we'll announce it more. And yeah, we're just so pumped, so pumped. Both of us have like a weight off our shoulders now that this is announced, you guys. Yeah, seriously. We're dying to tell you for so long.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

Um but it is time, but it is time, it is time. So today we are gonna circle back and go into this these Q ⁇ A's that because we we posted on our um private Facebook group about um, you know, content that we wanted covered or that you guys wanted covered. And so we're not gonna hit everything today, but we are gonna just cover a few of those questions because man, it is it is a tough, unique lifestyle that we live. So, Ray, what's the first one? What's the first one on the docket?

SPEAKER_00 18:29

So the first one on our docket is going to be one that we got multiple questions about, and it is something that like I know Rye, with you, like you're kind of going through trying to figure this out right now as well. And it's whether or not to do homeschooling versus traditional schooling and what that looks like in this lifestyle, and you know, suggestions and all those things, which you know, Ryan I I have a five-year-old that's about to go into kindergarten in August, and you have a four-year-old. Um, so we are right at the cusp of trying to figure that out ourselves. So, with that in mind, there's not a whole lot that Ryan I specifically can give you in terms of advice for that. So we are going to have a whole episode.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

Whole episode. Yeah, we've we've actually this is one we are going to answer, but it's on our list of full episodes for a later date with a special guest. So fret not, this one will be answered, but just not right now. So we see you, we love you. Pause.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

All that to say, um, put a pin on that one, and there'll be a whole episode coming out. Very excited for that. Um, because it's a big topic. It is a big huge topic, and it's a great question. So, to all those that ask that, we see you, we love you, and we are going to get to that one.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Um, our next question is about what habits do we have on the road to keep connection alive? And uh the way that she worded this was kind of um in reference to both kids and wives, and like what are some like traditions that we uh keep on the road? Which I love this question because I think everybody has such different answers. And so I think we need to do like a full poll of this in the group soon. That'd be fun. Because uh I know that like for Hunter and I, he uh records a video every single night, which I think we've mentioned before on the podcast, but he records a little, you know, 15 to 30 second video for her daughter, and he talks to her Dora the Explorer style, shows her where wherever he's at at the moment, and then they do their little good night routine. Um, so I love you, and then kisses and hugs, and he does it to the phone and she does it back, and so it's like very engaging, which is fantastic, and that has helped her a lot. Um the other thing that we do is um he always uh texts me when he gets through security, gets to the um gate, and then when he takes off and when he lands. And it's something super silly, and he doesn't need to do it, and like I don't need to know all that information, but it is something that he's gotten in the habit of doing that just helps with one, my anxiety, two, it's overcommunication is really nice though. When they're showing thinking about me like that whole time, and that's really nice. Like, I have access to his flighty, I have access to master tour, like I can look at look at that stuff myself, but yeah, the the little text, even though it like he's going to the bathroom or he's like walking into the plane, he's just says boarding, like that's it. And that simple little thing shows me how much he cares.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

Yeah, just like overcommunication. I feel like simplicity is key on this lifestyle because like we can't have too high of a demand on ourselves or on our men.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

Like, I want you to write me uh three paragraphs every night of all the reasons why you miss me tonight. You're probably not gonna get it back.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

What's up, Shakespeare style? Yay. If you get that reference, please message us. Jeez, that record is so good. But we won't go into that. Anyways, uh, yeah. It one of the things that I mean, Benjamin I've we've been together for about a year. And uh I just got back from a trip, a riding trip to Sweden, and he has my location. And I'm the worst at telling him, like, hey, just landed, you made it to whatever. Like, so bad at it. So I like got to JFK, got off, you know, was walking around and he was like, someone forgot to text me that they made it to JFK.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

And I'm like, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 22:36

Like, he has my location, but like he likes to know, he likes the purple confirmation.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Or you know when you like leave a party and everybody's like, Text me when you get there. I'm never, I never do. I never do. That's why we share each other's location. Then yeah, my husband, he's the one who will always do it no matter what. And I'm like, that's good on you. I just I clock in, clock out. Like, um, which I need to get better at. But needless to say, his that little thing is like, I guess, tradition-esque, but it does keep connection alive.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

And this is like, this is why this podcast and our group on Facebook and Instagram is so invaluable because our experience is different than yours will be, or the next stage wife next to you. Like, what do you mean you're a neurophysicist who is also a stage wife? Like, your experience is gonna be wildly different than you know, the stay-at-home mom. Like, everybody's experience is different in the terms of like habits and traditions and what works for you, what works for me.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Yeah. Cause there's there's things that you um you and your ex did that Hunter and I ended up trying to do to like create connection on the road, and it just it just fell flat completely. And so, and but it worked for it worked for you guys at the time, and it was great. And like, so don't feel shame if any of the connections or habits that people share don't work for you guys. Yeah, there is something out there for you. And if we need to do like a like what was that one app that you guys did?

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Oh, it was so good. Agape, agape. That was what it was. But yeah, the agape is a great resource for touring spouses for connectivity and like deep conversations.

SPEAKER_00 24:16

Yeah. So basically it like sends you one daily relationship question. Uh, you can't see your partner's answer until both people have responded, and it like focuses on connection and communication and like questions that you haven't really ever asked your partner that don't come up in normal conversation. It's really interesting. And then I think if you paid for it, you could get like some additional deeper questions and spicy questions, which was I think we did for a little bit, and that was very fun. Yeah. Um, but it ended up being for us after a while, he was in a really, really, really heavy tour season. And so remembering to do that and answer it became really tough for him. And so then it just ended up being me answering questions, and then they just gone, they went unseen for a long time and it just piled up, and then there was like 10 that he never answered, and yeah, then that was more pressure. So it's great if you guys are in a season for that. Um, the other, there's a couple other ones too that If you're out of block, I think that's a good place to start. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Um, like Love Wick is date ideas and relationship quizzes and daily questions and conversation starters. Um, and then paired is the one that I've been seeing a lot of ads for recently. But it was fantastic. So, like the like finding ways to connect like that. Oh, other things, uh, I actually saw this on TikTok, but a military wife had a spouse that was going to be gone for six months total, and she covered her mirror in her master bedroom with post-it notes with numbers on it and counted down every single day, and then took a post-it note off for whatever day that was, and then on the back of that post-it note, wrote something good that happened that day or something special, and then stacked them all up, and then by the end of it, she was left with a little flip booklet of all of the days that he was gone and how there is positivity and goodness that still happened.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

Oh, I love it.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Oh, it was fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

So while your kid is doing the invisible backpack tactic, you can be doing that for your own mental health. That's great. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

And it was, it was so it was like it's off, it's like tactile. You can watch those days countdown. But yeah, we we should we should do like look up and like compare like military spouses and see what they do and like what resources they have. So this next question is gonna be an like I like I said already, another full episode. And this one specifically, we want to bring in Sam Beretta into. But um, someone asked, uh, they want to hear more on navigating different family opinions and thoughts about life on the road. So both of them, the her husband and herself, have come to a point where we feel like we can't be honest with our families about schedules, how long he'll be gone, how we're doing life uh while he's on the road, and he's been doing it for 10 years. So it is a long time to be navigating conversations like that.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Yeah. And Sam might disagree with me, and that's listen to her probably more so than me. But in my humble opinion, they don't have to know. Like, are they living your life and paying your bills and in your brain when you're going to sleep at night? No. Like I feel like the most important to you just I've been researching a lot about, you know, marriage and love recently, because you know, engaged. But uh, and you know, all that fun stuff. But marriage is so sacred. And I feel like it is a house that you and your husband built, like in our building.

SPEAKER_02 28:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

And like your family has helped you get there, but you are no longer, you like even biblically, like you are separated, you have left your mother and father, and now you are with your husband and your kids, and it is a life that you are building. And I mean, I say all this because honestly, same. I was the same way, like I couldn't really be open and honest about my ex's schedule because it was so chaotic, and he was gone so much, and there was so much guilt and shame, and how could he? You should. And I'm like, you don't know the life that I live though, like you don't get what I do on a daily basis and what this lifestyle looks like.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

I think though, this question it does honestly depend on what your family dynamic is. Oh, 1000%. Because that's like for my family, there's a lot of times where they've not understood, and we've been navigating through like certain things like that, but with them it came from a heart and a home of like, I want to actually help you and I want to see what's happening so that I can help, versus a I want I want to insert my opinion, but not actually do anything behind it and just like give you, oh, my help is my opinion, which I'm like, that doesn't help anybody right now. For for my family, a lot of times what was needed was the education on it and and like being straight up and communicating, like because you know, I I again I think it all just depends on the family dynamic, and like, you know, are your are your people in your family doing insane things to build you up or are they doing insane things to tear you down? And they're like, are they just confused? Do they just not understand? It is, and it it's like maybe like the first, like you you try to educate, and based on what they do with that education that you've given them on it, if they're still like tearing him down saying he should come off the road, he doesn't understand, blah blah blah. Like if they're still being negative, then that's where like, okay, well, appreciate your opinion. Here is where I'm gonna put a boundary and set a safe boundary. Because, like, with mine, it was just they didn't understand. And then when I did explain it to them, and they finally like wrapped their brain around it, they're like, Oh, she doesn't need to hear that, she needs actual actionable help.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

Yeah, so like well, and it's just so tough, dude. Yeah, because like if your family's not in the music industry and they just see how hard this is for you, which it is, it's extremely difficult. But if they're just seeing that side, they're getting up in arms for you because they love you, and it's just it's such a wide spectrum of situations. So, yeah, I would love to hear Sam's perspective on this. But I would say for now, take a deep breath. And they don't have to know everything, like they just don't. If it's not helpful for you or your family, then it might be good to set a boundary for now until um Sam can give us better advice.

SPEAKER_00 31:09

And I wouldn't like necessarily like lie to them about how like about like, but um, because if you're feeling like if um, and I'm like referring to the question specifically, if you're feeling like you can't be honest with your families about schedules and stuff, I would be if they're straight up asking, then I'd I'd say be honest, but then like just just for Rain, I differ because you can't really lie about if he's gonna be there or not be there. He's gonna he's gonna either be there or not be there. That's true. Like, but you if you you can guard your heart on how you're feeling about it, like you don't have to share that how it necessarily but I also don't encourage people to like shove down the feelings because that is a that is a that is a fault that both Ryan and I deal with a lot is like when things get tough and we have to buckle up buttercup, we it's you know our tendency being sevens on the Enneagram is to like with an A-wing, shove it down, yeah. With an A-wing, just shove it down and we'll figure it out, you know, pull up our moxie pants and yeah, well, and just go.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

Again, that's why we're bringing in Sam for this episode. And yeah, she's already agreed.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

It's a complicated, it's a complicated discussion that definitely needs more depth depth and um maybe a couple different options based on what your dynamic is. Yeah. So or like ways to figure out what is my dynamic. Like, how do I even figure out like what you guys what I can give you and not give you?

SPEAKER_01 32:30

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:31

Our next question is another super tough one because it it kind of depends a lot on who you're who your spouse is out touring with, on what you're able to do with like vacation and wanting to take family trips, because you can plan individual family trips and stuff like that and like block off time. Totally valid. But what I've seen in a lot of the stage wives that are in the group online and um is that that kind of stuff, um, when that happens, a lot of times gigs get picked up and then they have to cancel, and like then the wife is going on the vacation without him, and yeah, so it's super tough because while I know that you have to take gigs to make money, sometimes you have to say no for certain vacations. Like we went to an Alaskan cruise a couple years ago, and um it was he was on, I think he was with Lauren Daigle at the time, and uh it was super tough because they did not want him to have to meet miss a whole week in the middle of fall tour. But we had we had had that booked for six months, yeah. And so he, you know, found his own sub, and but it depends on your people on if they'll allow that to happen or not, or if they're like if you're a full-time uh tour touring individual with the band, like sometimes you don't have the freedom as like a freelance freelance, like where you can just say no to that specific gig. So, or if you're the the artist, right, then you really can't if you're on the musician side, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:19

There's not really uh well and it depends on where your spouse is on the touring spectrum too, because there is a season of life where you do have to say yes to everything, and that just sucks. It's gonna suck for like five years, you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 34:34

So my recommendation when you're when you're in that is to what Hunter and I have always done is like when he's especially in seasons where he has to say yes to everything, find like three days in between tours and find where he's ending that run and just have him change his flight to like four days later. The tour still typically pays for that. Yeah. And you then you fly out, you're only having to pay for one flight, or you and your, you know, kids. But if you it like my biggest suggestion, because most of the time the gigs are not gonna change too much um once they're full out booked. Yeah, find it, find one of those gigs where you can add time on to the end and then you can meet him out there. Yeah. And that's a really good like way to meet in the middle. Yeah. And um, it's also a really good way to go to places you may not have thought to originally go. So we did there was like two days off that he had in New York, and he, you know, they they save up a bunch of points. So like use some of those points, take a take a quick flight over to New York. And um I spent literally like less than 48 hours there, and we just did a really quick vacation, but it was so much fun because we had to because we had to like fit so much into such a small time.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

Yeah, it was great. That's a really good point, too, because you do have to get creative with your vacations, and even when we were talking about earlier that you kind of have to be creative in the sense of like, well, he's traveled the entire world, where could we go that he hasn't been before, you know, and figure it out from there. And yeah, if his tours ending in Montana, Montana's gorgeous. Yeah, if you're tour like if your tour is ending in Utah, like go see the Book of Mormon together, you know what I mean? Just like like uh it's that's a also that's a musical, if you didn't know. But um, yeah, like get creative with your vacation time. It might be not might not be the traditional, like, let's go spend a week in Hawaii this summer, or you know, when the kids are off of school, and and that is tough. Like the the homework thing with kids is is something that I think we do need to approach with our other special guest, but because you and I haven't reached that stage yet.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

We haven't reached that stage yet. I don't know. I don't know how that looks. We're on the journey with you. So because my daughter's about to start kindergarten in August, so we're getting there. Um, but she still won't be at like a heavy homework stage, and that's like deciding if we don't, you know, decide to homeschool at some point. And yeah, I know that you're thinking about doing that with your son. Oh, yeah, I'm definitely doing that. Yeah, and I'm just gonna figure it out. But yeah, parents that homeschool have a lot more flexibility, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:25

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 37:26

But not everybody can homeschool and do like single income household. Because especially in the Nashville area, like woof, like it is not made for it's tough for that. Yeah. Um, our next question is kind of a continuation um of this question, but specifically wants to know how to handle family members like mother-in-laws who want to go on all the vacations with us when we just want it to be mom, dad, and the kids.

SPEAKER_01 37:56

I I think that would be a question I would need more elaboration on. Like, what do you mean every family vacation? What do you mean every time?

SPEAKER_00 38:02

I mean she wants to come with you every single time. What do you mean? Like, is she inserting herself into the situation?

SPEAKER_01 38:07

Yeah, and like, is it every time you guys get alone time, every time he's home? She's trying to take up that, take advantage of that time as well because she misses her son.

SPEAKER_00 38:15

Because there's multiple layers of problem here.

SPEAKER_01 38:18

Yeah. So I mean avenues of this question. I feel like I would need more elaboration to fully answer it.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

With our with our limited knowledge based on just what the question says, are you doing okay, babe?

SPEAKER_01 38:31

Are you safe?

SPEAKER_00 38:32

Are you okay?

SPEAKER_01 38:33

You guys, this has been just a chaotic QA rapid fire session.

SPEAKER_00 38:39

Um Welcome to what an evening with Ray and Rye looks like.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

You know, we we just love you, honestly. Like we we wanted to catch up with you. We wanted to, we wanted to share all the good news with the books, and you know, just touch base on a few of these questions um that you guys were amazing and asking in the private Facebook group. And we are just ecstatic about where this community is going. And um we're thrilled to get our guests back on the podcast starting in a couple weeks and like hit the ground running with some mentorship, with some getting some voices that are wiser than us. Because like we've we only can share our own experiences. And Ray and I are two people. And guess what? There's 112 of you now in the private Facebook group, which is amazing, and it just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

And over 700 of you on Instagram, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:42

And it just keeps getting bigger and better, and like the more women that are in this, the more wisdom that is here, the more support that is here, the better content, the better questions, like the better, like everything, the better content to grow us all with, you know what I mean? Like, like, yeah, I just I'm ecstatic about where Stagewives is going, and we're thrilled to be on this journey with you. And we just wanted to touch base on a few of these, you know, as we're going into this next season of podcasts, which you know, spring is all about spring cleaning, getting out the unnecessary and bringing in the new. And we cannot wait to bring in some new guests for you guys and hear some new voices and new stories. But in the meantime, y'all, we just we adore every single one of you. And I just want to say, like, I mean, this is a very niche podcast. It's for you, Stage Wives. So I just want to, I would just like to say how I don't know if it's patronizing to say that I'm proud of you guys. I don't know if that's patronizing or not. Tell me you're proud of me. I am proud of you. But like, I need to go to therapy for that because I feel patronized when people say I'm proud of you for stuff. I don't know why there's a thing, but it's fine. I'll go to therapy about it. But when but I just, it's been so refreshing to our souls to look on the private Facebook group and be like, hey, I'm new here. I'm from Tullahoma. Oh my God, I'm from Tallahoma. Let's get coffee, you know, and just watching you guys naturally build little community groups within Stagewives and within this like giant support group that we have built is like, ooh.

SPEAKER_00 41:28

Oh, she's getting excited.

SPEAKER_01 41:33

It's just like that's the point. Like, it was never supposed to be. Like Ray and I are both freaking crying and smine. But like it was never supposed to be carried by Ray and I. Like, we literally like we built the house and you guys have made it a home. And it's just been so sweet to watch you guys like get settled, find community, find each other, like find other stagewise. Yeah, like it's been so sweet.

SPEAKER_00 42:03

Yeah, I'm just I'm yeah, I'm over the moon, dude. You guys have been great. You guys uh just keep doing what you're doing, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 42:10

And if like you're and we are gonna continue to keep doing what we're doing too, like, whoo! Oh, we're not stopping. Nope. This train is on the track, she's going full speed, we're doing the thing.

SPEAKER_00 42:21

And just so like for a lot of stage, because I've actually talked to quite a few uh stagewives on Instagram and in person um that have mentioned they're like, Oh, well, we feel bad because we haven't been active in the group, and blah blah blah. I'm like, don't feel bad. We are all here at different stages, and if you don't want to communicate at all in the group, that's fine. Just sit there and enjoy the show because there's and also like glean from other people's wisdom. You're allowed to be a fly on the wall, and you're allowed to this is a safe place, and you don't need to be anything that you don't want to be right now where you are.

SPEAKER_01 42:53

And also, we all understand the no capacity, we all understand the having nothing to give and nothing like like I've I remember vividly being in a writing session with my church, and it was like, Hey, we need a worship song for this. I'm like, I'm gonna be perfectly honest. I don't even have the capacity to pray right now, like where I'm at in my life, and this, you know, was during my divorce. But um, I just don't, I have nothing. I have nothing to give. Like, everything is going to survival mode for me and my son, and like that is all I have to offer. But it was still enough. And like, if we all know that feeling, like as stage wives, we have been there at one point or another. So if you just need to come and sit and be a part of the group, but just sit and observe, or sit and read through comments, or sit and listen to this podcast, listen to this podcast, and like you know, reach out to us privately, whatever you need to do. Like, we are here for you at whatever stage.

SPEAKER_00 43:53

No shame.

SPEAKER_01 43:54

Uh no, none. Absolutely none. I also just want to. Encourage you that if you're going through a rocky season with your spouse, like there is hope, there is redemption. I'm laughing because Ray and I are crying again. There is hope, there is redemption. And two of the biggest lies the enemy will ever tell you as a human being are the following It's not that big of a deal. And you are completely alone in this. I think those are the two biggest lies that the enemy can tell you is that it's not that big of a deal. It's fine to go and tell that little lie. It's fine to go and send that little text. It's fine to it's not that big of a deal. It's a giant lie. And the other lie is you're completely alone in this, which is a very easy emotion to slip into as a stage wife. We just talked with our our girlfriend Katrina, who's an incredible songwriter, incredible musician. Love her.

SPEAKER_03 45:00

Love her.

SPEAKER_01 45:00

Um but she said that the greatest parenting advice she got for her daughter, and which I think we can all take away from is like you're crying because you're disappointed, but that's a valid emotional reaction. You're crying because you're sad and you because you're feeling lonely. That is an incredibly valid emotional reaction. You're not being too much, you're not being too dramatic. Um what do you do with that after the tears are done? What do you do with that? Like we don't want to stay in that. We don't want to stay in that. But we are allowed to feel it. Yeah. We want to honor our feelings, but then also honor the tenacity and the moxie and the just sheer unadulterated badassery that is required for this lifestyle. I love, love co-running stage wives with Ray because the women that we are getting to love on and invite into the tribe are just a giant group of badasses. Like, truly. It's amazing. I love this. We love you guys so much. We hope that you have a great Friday and or whatever day or time of day that you are listening to this podcast. And we will see you next time on offstage and on duty. We will see you on our social media platforms: Instagram, Stagewives, Facebook, Stagewives, and our private Facebook group, which you should definitely join. We are Stagewives.

SPEAKER_00 46:33

And if you um want to find out more information about the book, we will be releasing more of that very shortly in our website. Go to the website, sign up for the newsletter, you'll get a pop-up. Um, it is going to be fantastic. You get a preview of it. So please, please, please, please, please.

SPEAKER_01 46:54

We want you to be a part of the party before the not gonna spam you.

SPEAKER_00 46:57

So no, like this is like I don't like emails as much as the next person, but like, come on. Like, this is this is a book built for you. So let's do it. Yeah, yeah, baby. Anyway, we love you. We're doing the same in outro again. This is what we do. Okay, bye. Bye.