Off Stage and On Duty

School on the Road: Navigating Your Child's Education with Lori Phelps

• Stage Wives • Season 1 • Episode 19

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What does school look like when your life doesn’t follow a traditional schedule?

In this episode of Offstage and On Duty, we sit down with Lori Phelps—an experienced stage wife and educator who has truly done it all. From homeschooling to public and private education, Lori brings both professional insight and real-life perspective to one of the most frequently asked questions in our Stage Wives community.

Together, we dive into honest, sometimes difficult questions submitted directly by you—our Stage Wives. We talk through the realities of each schooling option, the flexibility (and challenges) that come with life on the road, and how to make decisions that serve your family in every season.

Whether you’re considering a change, feeling overwhelmed by your options, or simply curious about what’s possible, this episode offers grounded wisdom, practical encouragement, and the reminder that there’s no one-size-fits-all answer—just the right fit for your family.

If education has been on your mind lately, this is one you won’t want to miss.


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SPEAKER_02

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Offstage and On Duty podcast. We are brought to you by Stagewives, a community group who supports women whose husbands or spouses or boyfriends or whatever's tour in the music industry, whether that be lighting engineers, tour managers, band guys, artex, tour bus drivers, um, merch peeps. All the above. All of the above. If they tour and you are holding down the Ford at home, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Rai. And I'm your host Ray. And today we have got an amazing guest, Lori Phelps. I'm so excited. I am too, man. Uh, we have we've had lots of questions on the private Facebook group for Stagewives. And when I saw all of those come in, I was like, we gotta get Lori. We just we gotta get her on the podcast. And I I just I want to hear your story. I want to like ask you a million questions. I'm actually gonna let, you know, Ray take the first round of of questions. And I mean, it's mostly just hearing your story, Lori, because I don't know it either. I mean, I know that you have gone through so much change as a stage wife. How long have you been a stage wife, first of all?

SPEAKER_03

Well, we've been married 34 years next month, and he was already touring when we were dating. So my entire yeah, 34 plus years.

SPEAKER_02

Amazing. Wow. So yeah. And I mean, just from speaking with you briefly, I know that you've gone through so much change as far as like education for your kids and pivoting and figuring out what works best for you guys. And I mean, he's still tours, right? He's still tours, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Jeez, Louise. But our kids are grown, so it's a different stage, different season. But hopefully I can share what worked for us, you know. It may not work for you, but there's there's so many different options out there. Yeah. Okay, well, let's let's start from the beginning.

SPEAKER_00

So I kind of want to just hear about like, okay, one, who are you married to? What has that looked like um over the last like 34 years? Has there been any kind of crazy journey along that uh 34 years?

SPEAKER_03

Um, yes. Yes. Okay, I'm married to David Phelps. He is a known to be a tenor. Um, he is a solo artist as well as he was in a group called the Gaither Vocal Band. He toured both with the group and solo for 20 years, and then is just yeah, he was solo before he was with the group, is solo currently. Um, so there's been a lot of change. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and what was the how often was he touring in the early days versus now?

SPEAKER_03

Um when he was doing both, it was a lot more. Our rule of thumb is three weekends out, one weekend home. Of course, that is not set in stone for any particular month. Yeah, it varies. Sometimes it's more, sometimes it's less. Um, but a lot. I mean and so in that time, you guys have children as well. We do. We have four children. Um, and they are currently 31, 28, 25, and 22. Okay. So they're grown.

SPEAKER_02

That is so okay. That honestly really excites me though, because like a lot of our stage wives, we just had one actually comment of like, hey, I'm new to this, what do I do with kids? And you have well-adjusted adult children who we we lovingly call stage kids. Yes, you know, who've grown up in this. Definitely stage kids, yeah. Yeah who have like grown up in this industry. Um, what has like, okay, so he's been touring your entire relationship, and you mothered four kids basically as a stage wife, stay-at-home mom, or did you tour with him? Like, what did that look like?

SPEAKER_03

Yes, both. Yes, all of it. Um, it depended on the season. We didn't tour as much when he was with the vocal band just because of space. You know, there's not room for everyone's family on a tour bus. Yeah. Um, but Bill was great about having our the families do big things, like when they did um cruises, which they did two or three a year. We were always welcome to come to the cruises, and we did. Um, when they, you know, so there were definitely things along the way that we did with the group um as families. And then his solo career, because it was solo, um, we always went. I mean, very rarely did we not go when the children were smaller. Now that changes, or at least for us, it changed as they got older, when they were in school, when they weren't. Um, we have done homeschool, we've done private school, we've done public school, all at different times for different kids at different stages. So, you know, I guess my we have learned to pivot. Yeah. You know, if it's not working, reevaluate. We constantly we used to say we would re-eval reevaluate every year. Then we went down, we would re-evaluate every semester. Because sometimes if it's not working, you've you've got to pivot.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I think that's like, you know, the meme from Friends, the couch and the semester. Yeah. I feel like that's like the that's like the reigning meme for stagewives, is like we always have to be willing to pivot and adjust.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. And I mean, there's pros and cons to everything, but also, I mean, you need a stable environment for those children because their their world is a little unstable always because of the coming and going. Um, so you don't want to change too much just on a whim, but also you don't want to be stuck in something that's not working. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So and you you've mentioned on our social media pages that you have also been an educator, correct? Like you're a teacher. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I was a teacher before we had children. Um, and he was mainly just doing like at that point, that was the late 80s, early 90s, um, Sunday morning services because he's a Christian artist. And so at that time that was easy. I would just go with him. And Mondays I'd be really tired, but you know, yeah, I would just go. Um, because it was just me. I would run merch, I've run sound, I've done it all. And I don't know how to run sound.

SPEAKER_00

You know, it's just it's grown. Yeah. That's awesome. Wow. I I I just recently um had to help my husband drop off uh and unload a uh semi uh rock lids and stuff. And so I had a little video I put on the socials of me pushing all like the road cases and stuff. I was like, what is happening? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I think we've learned to do all of it. If you've if you've been around long enough, you know how to roll a cord.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, tip to all of you stagewives out there. If you want to turn on your husband and roll a cord the right way. Just like honestly, we need to do a meme like that on our social. Just like just like rolling cables. Over under, baby. Definitely. So you've done, I mean, you okay. So whenever the kids were born, did you continue teaching? Did you at that point like pivot? What did that look like for you?

SPEAKER_03

We knew before we had kids that we wanted me to be able to stay home if we could afford it at all. I mean, we were willing to give up lots of things financially so that I could stay home. So, no, I did not teach in a paid capacity. Yeah, let me say that way. I did not I did not after we had children. Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Wow. Okay, so we are at this point in your story of dating, he's on the road, married, he's on the road, you've you know had kids and now you're stay at home with them. At what point did you discover, like, okay, homeschool versus public school, this is what works best for us?

SPEAKER_03

A lot of prayer. Yeah. Luckily, I have had the the Lord's really put some people ahead of me in my journey that I could watch and follow and have as sounding boards. Um, David's older sister was a teacher and uh did lots of research and decided to homeschool her kids. And she was eight years older than us.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

And so watching her as an educator, because that that was a big deal for me. Okay. I've been I spent a lot of time, a lot of money on this education to educate. Right. And I'm not gonna use the public school or I'm not gonna send them to a certified teacher at a private school. I'm gonna try and do it myself. But um it was it was a big decision. But for us, we started homeschooling. Um that that was what we chose to do with our with our oldest, um because he was on the road during the weekends when they would be off school and at home during the week when they'd be at school. And so we just didn't see how we would have a lot of family time and together, especially when they're little and they're getting home at three or four o'clock and going to bed at seven, seven thirty. You know, there's just not a lot of family time right in that. So for us, that was our the best decision at that time.

SPEAKER_02

I want to hear, I want to hear what that was like for you because like I we we were kind of talking about it before we started recording the podcast, but like figuring out stage life without this community is is genuinely a foreign concept for me and Ray, because we've had each other for the past eight years, yeah, which is you know what inspired stagewives as a whole to you know create this for other women. But are you okay? Like doing this for like 34 years, you know?

SPEAKER_03

Like I feel like I am now. Of course, I have a lot of hindsight, you know. Would I do it differently at times? Definitely. Would I have done a lot of the same? Definitely. You know, everyone's situation is different for us. We moved to Nashville to be closer to the music scene when we had a two-year-old and just one child. Um, we knew no one, we had no family close. Our family was from were from Texas, so it was a 15-hour drive. We were young and stupid and had no money. And so we couldn't just hop on a plane and go see mom every time we were sad, you know? And so we I we had to find and create a community because there wasn't anything like this. I was telling y'all before we started, I mean, I can't tell you how many times I just sat and cried, and I am not a crier, but just wanting community, you know, and so for us, our church became that we're believers. And so our church became our family, and we just dove in and had to make friends quickly, and they became like family. Um long story short, one time when David was on the road, and this was after we had our second child, and she was just a little over a year old. So we had a three-year-old and a one-year-old. Um, I got really, really sick when David was on the road, and I went to the doctor and they admitted me to the hospital right there.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_03

I had the I was like, I can't go to the hospital. And they're like, you can't go home. You're sick, you have to go to the hospital. I was like, I don't have anyone to take care of my babies, you know. I literally had to call a lady that I had met at church that we'd done one play date and just ask her, trust God that she would take care of my babies while I was because my mom couldn't get there till the next day. David was on the road. And so there are those times that are scary, but having that community that really instilled in us, we have got to make great friends when when we're home and do things during the week. And if you don't have family, um actual family, you're you've got to find your community. And it's hard because what we do is is not the norm, you know. Most husbands are home you know, gone nine to five, home in the evenings, and you know, it it's yeah, but it's different.

SPEAKER_00

What was what was that like creating those friends? Like, were they also in the industry? Were they not in the industry? And you had to kind of like navigate explaining what this lifestyle was like.

SPEAKER_03

Like I said, we're believers, so our family became our church family. Yeah, and uh it was in Franklin at the time, and so it was a little bit of a mix. There were some people that knew the lifestyle, there were some songwriters, there were some. Um, my actual friend group that I ended up really clinging to, none of them were in the industry, but it was a little bit kind of known because the other people and some of our church friends were in the industry. So um allies, yeah, yeah, yeah. Allies, yeah. So no, we were the only music family, and so there was still, you know, I was always the only the third wheel, fifth wheel, whatever you want to call it, you know, at the weekend events, you know, it's but you just you just learn to do that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it is it, I will say that is a difference. A lot of some of our stage wives are out in Virginia, Florida, you know, and it is nice whenever your community is in Nashville, because yeah, a lot of people get it, you know, and the surrounding cities as well, you know, Franklin, Spring Hill, and Murphy's Boro. So that's good. I'm glad that you had that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. So that was great. And just, you know, different seasons that we lived in Franklin and Brentwood at that time. Um and so there were lots of of people, like you said, allies, I guess, that they kind of got it a little bit more. Um we did move out a lot further from town where we live currently. We've been there 25 years, and there weren't as many people that understood our lifestyle then. But they were very under, they were understanding, they just don't get it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So yeah. So for you and your husband, David, what were some of the things that you guys did in order to like stay connected while he was on the road?

SPEAKER_03

We always talk. I mean, yeah, of course, we started this before cell phones. So we had, yeah, we had to um, you know, find a payphone or you just make it work, you know. But m luckily before the cell phone error, I was able to go with him a lot more. So we weren't having to try and communicate all the time via some other form. Most of the time I was able to go with him. Um, and then once cell phones came in, of course, yeah, you know, landlines we did, of course. You just have to plan a certain time. Okay, I will call around this time if you know I'll call it intermission or I'll call it, you know, try to get intermission so they could do bedtimes with the kids and say goodnight before they get went to bed and or sound checks, you know. I'd call right after sound check, or you just you just try to make it work. You you figure out what that is during that time that that will work.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I feel like that's such a good reminder to all of our stage wives because it's so easy for us to like miss them and like feel sorry for ourselves almost. It's so easy. How lucky are we though, ladies, that we live in 2026? We are FaceTime, literally FaceTime Marco Pologne said videos, like none of the pictures.

SPEAKER_00

Well, because I was just I was just sitting here thinking, like, oh my goodness, like the the lack of how my husband's current tour follows Master Tour on like a like sound check time and rehears like all of that, like it just doesn't see what they're doing, yeah. Yeah, well it says that on Master Tour, but like it also doesn't actually ever really line up with that. And so especially because my husband's on the production side versus the artist side, and so sound check always goes super late, and then he's like fixing random monitor issues and stuff like that, and then having to work with stage hands, so there's all these different things that kind of play into that. But I'm like just sitting here thinking, like, man, if I didn't have like the flexibility to have my phone on me at all times, like most of the time that we would have tried to set up would have never actually worked. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So yeah, most of our phone calls before then, before cell phones were like around 11:30 or so midnight, you know. Yeah, yeah. Because it would be after a show. When he would talk to me now, he would try and talk to the kids earlier during the day, you know. But as far as when we really got to sit and talk and how was your day? What would you know?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Well, some of our other stagewives, um, well, Jason's not a stage wife, but Jason and Rhonda on one of our other podcasts were talking about how they would send uh like faxes of like pictures, yeah, pictures of their like newborn baby to Australia before they understood like how much it costs like to do that. And it's yeah, that stories like that just blow my mind.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah, the ingenuity and like the the creativeness.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, like I pat myself on the back for like, yeah, you know, I got this, like we're strong, independent women, and I'm just like then I hear stories of like what you guys have gone through, and I'm like, oh man, maybe I'm weak.

SPEAKER_04

Maybe I'm a so easy.

SPEAKER_03

No, but then they're generation before me, you know, or more than one generation, you know, they had to write letters and it would be months before me, you know. So, oh my gosh, you know, we immediate stress. Take a moment of blessing for everyone. You just you do what you've got to do to make it work.

SPEAKER_00

So, like this lifestyle you mentioned is so crazy. Like, what is probably one of the biggest surprises that you've had? That is the question that stopped me the most.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. And I think the answer to that is that there's always surprises. And you're gonna constantly have to be pivoting. And that took me a long time to learn because I'm a person that likes things in an or certain order. I want everything in its place. So it took me quite a while to to be okay with the pivot. And once you kind of surrender to that, it makes a world of difference. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um surprised by how much you're surprised. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03

And I really do feel like that that was the biggest surprise is that there's always going to be surprises, yeah, and that you just have to learn to pivot. And that's not a bad thing. Yeah, it can be, yeah, but it can also be a really exciting good thing, you know. Um, you just have to learn how to pivot for those and to plan for those as much as you can plan for something that's unexpected. Yeah. Yeah. But but have a plan in place. Okay, when this unexpected thing happens, I know don't freak out. You're gonna have to redirect your schedule. You're gonna, but it can be done, it can be a good thing. The world's not gonna fall apart. Um, and I'm I say that to myself still after 34 years in. Sometimes I'm like, but I had a plan, you know?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, wait, Ryan, what's your mantra? Um, I'm not being chased by a dinosaur. Yeah, not being chased by a dinosaur. There's no bear trying to attack me. Did you die?

SPEAKER_02

No, I didn't die. Did you die? Did you die? Yeah, I always have to like retrain, I call it my lizard brain. Cause like in fight or flight, you know the hormones are happening. The hormones are happening, the stress is real, and your body is like, what do I do? And I'm like, You're not being chased by a dinosaur? This is not an emergency. You're right. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And the the sooner you can learn that, I mean, it's a hard lesson. Yeah. It's not an easy lesson, but the sooner you can learn that, I feel like it benefits not only you personally and your emotional state, but your family. Oh, 1000%. Um, especially if you're the one at home running the ship. If you're a crazy mess, then everyone's gonna be a crazy mess. And that makes everything even a bigger crazy mess. And so learning that early on and really taking hold of that is huge.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. You are the one steering the ship. Like you are the one who is leading the family while he's gone.

SPEAKER_03

And some days that's empowering, and some days that's really scary. Yeah. Um, but it's good. Yeah. Yeah. And it's okay. It can be all of it. It can be all of it. And you and you can do it. You can do it. Yeah. Oh, I'm so glad you're here. Oh, thank you. It made my heart so happy. Oh good. I I hope what I'm saying is encouraging as well as like, I mean, like I told y'all before, I'm I'm not an expert. I can just tell you what has or hasn't worked for us and some pros and cons that we saw along the way. Yeah. But we have tried just about everything. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Well, dude, regardless, we're grateful. Because is it is it pro yes, maybe I don't know. I don't know if it's proverbs or not. It sounds like it is, but I might be misquoting. So um it's biblical, great. Sure. I don't know. In the Bible. Yeah, yeah, somewhere in there. But it's like uh fools learn from their own mistakes, but the wise learn from others, you know. So I just even if you're not an expert, we will still gratefully take everything you have to say. Because I mean, again, like the questions that we're about To dive into from directly from our stage wives. Ray and I were looking at each other like, you don't know. Yeah. We're not there because we haven't experienced it yet. Yeah, we have toddlers. We don't have grown stage kids. Like we have little itty bitty baby stage kids, and we're still trying to figure out what we're wanting to do. And I'm actually really excited about a few of these questions because I'm very I it's not selfish, but I'm very selfishly curious because I'm in the process of figuring this out as well. Yeah, I'm in it. I'm in the thick of it.

SPEAKER_00

So your son is four, and he's gonna be starting kindergarten within the next like six months to a year-ish. Yeah. Um, and then my daughter is five, and she's gonna be starting kindergarten this August. And uh which reminds me, I have to register for that one. Yeah, whoops. But yeah, so there's, you know, we're I want to gain as much knowledge as we can from you while you're here because this is so good. And there's so many women going through this right now, especially because five years ago, six years ago, was COVID. So there is a huge flux of COVID babies, and so there's a lot of stagewives in the community with kids right around this age. So I think this is gonna be so helpful.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, agreed. So we're just gonna dive straight into these, and uh, these are directly from our stagewives from our private Facebook group and uh we are stagewives. Shameless plug number one of many. But uh this first question says, I would be interested in hearing if anyone has switched from public school to homeschool uh to be able to travel around and enjoy the perks of the lifestyle and if that's actually a realistic life.

SPEAKER_03

We have done, like I said, all of the home school, public school, private school at various stages with various children along the way. Um yes, it's realistic. It's not realistic without a lot of work, but it's worth the work if you're willing to put it in. Um like I am such an advocate for homeschool, and we have, like I said, we've done all of them, and we actually ended up with my youngest in private school longer than we did anything else. So I I have a love for all of them for different reasons, but yes, it is realistic, but not without a lot of work for the person that's educating them, um, which is totally worth it if you're willing to put the time in. And I I say that it also depends on what are your goals for your child's education, you know? Are you wanting them just to get a basic education, to be able to be a functioning member of society, and that's okay if that's your answer? Or are you wanting them to be uh college bound and have scholarships, which means they're gonna have to be highly educated to earn those scholarships because they will be competing against kids in public and private schools. So there's there's factors there. It's not an easy this is this is the answer and this is the way you do it. Um feasible.

SPEAKER_02

Well, and I love what you said earlier too, like you just you're you let your kid lead as far as like what they need in their education process, or at least that's what I heard, and maybe I misheard you, but yes, that I mean I think that's part of the answer.

SPEAKER_03

Of course, I mean you're still the parent, you still have to do what's I mean, I had four children, so I couldn't let one kid lead the entire group. You know, I had to work with what was good for our family overall, as well as trying to do their individual needs, and um that's a big puzzle. Yeah. So um for for us, we tried to definitely get the kids' individual needs met, but overall it was what was best for the family as a whole.

SPEAKER_02

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_03

Um and hopefully we were meeting those needs along the way.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Any way we could. We may not have all we may not have met each need through a school. Yeah, you know. Um it might, you know, we did extracurriculars, we did tutoring, we did we've done like when I say we've done it all, we've done it all. I have a kid that has dyslexia, so we did private tutoring when we were homeschooling, we did private tutoring when we were in private school. Because we weren't in public school at that time, there were not federal programs set up for that. So we had to subsidize that with our own income and getting that finding that person to do that. So it's all possible. It's just figuring out the work.

SPEAKER_00

So, how would you what would you say to the stage wife that is looking at this and being like, hey, I'm really interested in doing this, but I don't know where to start.

SPEAKER_03

Where for homeschool? For like or for like figuring out what does this work look like?

SPEAKER_00

Because you say it's gonna, it's gonna take a lot of work. Like for me, like you've done research into homeschooling. I haven't really. Um, and probably I'm not gonna be homeschooling just for my own reasons, but like I wouldn't even know where to start to even decide if that's possible for our family in terms of like, do we like join groups? Is there like education that you can take as a parent to be a homeschooler? Like if you don't have that education background like you did.

SPEAKER_03

I think first I would start with just answering some basic questions before you even go, what route am I taking? You know, like what is your goal for your child's education? Like I said earlier, is it just to get by? And and that's fine. I mean, yeah, I think ultimately as parents, no matter what our religious affiliation is, we want well-adjusted children that can function in society. I think that's the bottom line. Yeah. Is there more? Most definitely there's more to that that we want for our kids, but that's the bottom line. And if bottom line is if you just want a well-adjusted child that can function in society, that is a great goal. There doesn't have to be more than that. But if there is more, how does that happen? Yeah. You know, what does your child need socially? What do they need? Um are they gifted in an area? Are they really good at sports? Are they very athletic? Is that going to be something that is part of their world? You know, so I think a lot of that, and that's sometimes hard to decide at four and five. For sure. Yeah. Um, you know, and it pivot pivot is gonna be a word that we can find. You you can pivot at any point. But I think just answering some of those questions first about, you know, what's your family's values? Are you wanting a Christian education at a Christian private school? Or do you want a public school with lots of diversity? Um, you know, it can be any and all of that. Um and I think answering some of those questions will help before you before you dive into dive into that, the others, because some of it may direct you in one path versus versus another.

SPEAKER_00

Um now, when you say, so when they were asking about like traveling around and enjoying the perks of lifestyle, like did you do ever do travel with um David and then teach the kids on the road? Because Jason, Jason and Rhonda talked about that quite a bit.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, we did do that some now, not as much as some artists that are doing it. Like when most of my kids were in school, um, he was doing solo and group. And like I said, we don't go as much with the groups, but we did have offer opportunities to do so. And we would take school with us. Yeah, I can't tell you how many balconies on a cruise ship we have had a classroom. Awesome.

SPEAKER_01

Like Loki.

SPEAKER_02

It kind of sounds like Loki, that is the dream for me. It was.

SPEAKER_03

I mean someone else was cooking our meals, we could go get our, we could go get our food, we could on a cruise store. Like that actually was good. Of course, you know, they're looking at other kids playing in the pool that are on vacation that one week, you know. And I'm like, but remember, if we do it now, then we can play later. And so, you know, there's a lot of give and take, but yeah, but yes, we would take school, especially the older they got. The older they got, it was harder to catch up when you got back. It was easier to take it with us and do a little along the way. And sometimes I would be like, Okay, today, if we do nothing but our math lesson and read for 30 minutes, that's enough. Um, and we'll catch up with the rest later.

SPEAKER_02

So I'm curious to know, like, did you see a difference in your kids and your family unit whenever you did homeschool versus private school or public? Because that's like for me personally, I I I have a Holy Spirit thing of like you gotta homeschool. So like I'm gonna homeschool my son. But um, but it in the back of my mind, I'm like, well, my fiancee travels for work, I travel for work, and like we have plans as a family to be able to travel together. Um and so in my head, I'm like, well, that would make for a closer family unit. Or did you see any resentment in your kids being like, I just want to be with my friends? Like, what was kind of your journey with that with your kiddos? Um and I know every kid's different. I'm curious.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and I had four and they were all different. Yeah. Um to answer your question about um, did I see differences in them? And yes, once again, the older they got, the harder that got because of they wanted to be with their friends or they were in sports and they had to choose okay, like especially my boys when they were in high school and playing football, they knew that if they missed practice, they couldn't start in the games. And so if they missed a week of practice, they probably wouldn't be playing the next game because they would have been gone for a week. Yeah. Yeah. Um and and we would, you know, kind of weigh that with them. So would you rather go to this cool place with the family or would you rather stay home so you can play this one football game? Um and usually they would rather go to the cool place and not that they wouldn't want it, they would still be upset they had to miss the game.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Um but ultimately they would choose the experience with their family over that. But then there's also the side of that that they committed to this team and they're are they letting their team down? So we would go through the pros and cons of that, talk to the coach, you know, are there people out that are injured? Are you gonna is this gonna really endanger the team because he committed to this and he needs to honor his commitment? So, you know, so there's just so many factors, you know. Um, but yes, ultimately, most of the time they would choose it to go at with the family. Now, there are times too I can remember because I have a tenure gap between my oldest and my youngest. And so there was one time David was doing something in Florida at Disney, and the the younger boys, they I have the two older girls and the two younger boys. The older girls were in high school and they were involved in a musical and they needed to get back for rehearsals and all this stuff. And so they flew back, they went for a couple days and flew back and stayed with their aunt and uncle so they could finish doing their commitment. But the little guys, they didn't, they wanted to be at Disney with dad and mom, you know. So you just kind of have to, and that's not always so you don't always have those options. But for us at that time, we had an aunt and uncle that lived beside us, the kids went to the same school. The girls could easily fly home. They were old enough to fly home and do their thing while we did our thing. We were together part of the time, and then yeah, it's just constantly yeah, deciding in the moment what's best for that kid in that season.

SPEAKER_02

I had my therapist tell me one time, because I was, you know, we were going through decisions that I had made in the past, and she was like, Ryan, do you feel like you did the right thing in the moment? And I was like, Yes, I do, even though eventually I was like, that I've was having regret and whatever. And I was like, Yes, I feel like I made the right decision. She was like, Then you made the right decision. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You can only work with what you know at that time. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02

And I feel like that applies to your kids' education and homeschooling versus public and all the things. Like, my gut says homeschool, and that's what I'm gonna do. Ray's gut says public school, and that's what she's gonna do. Yeah, you know what I mean? You I feel like you can only do what's best, yeah. And that's from my very limited standpoint, having a four-year-old and not having adults, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03

Well, I agree with you, and that has been my mantra from day one is pray about it, counsel with other people that you um look look up to and have that have more wisdom than you, but also just go with your gut, you know. Go with your gut because that's usually the right decision.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Well, I'm so glad that we have you here to speak into this with us.

SPEAKER_00

I think that lesson just I it feels like it needs to be reset for all the stage wives too. So can you repeat what you just said? Because that was so good.

SPEAKER_01

I was in therapy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Basically, if you feel like you have made the right decision, then you've made the right decision. And you, you know, we deal with the consequences of that. Good, bad, ugly, ups and downs, and all the things. I was actually thinking about this yesterday. That the only thing that we're guaranteed in life is that it's going to be hard. And I used to think of that as like, why is God gonna punish me? Because, you know, life's gonna be hard. What do you mean? Like life should be a checks and balances of like, I'm a good person, good things happen, but that's just not the way that life works. And, you know, good things are gonna happen regardless of whether you made a good or bad decision. Bad things are gonna happen, whether you made a good or bad decision. And so, yeah, the best thing that you can do, as Lori so wisely said, is that pray about it, trust your gut, and mom gut is always right. And it dude, it is honestly like even if it doesn't make sense, ladies, like trust your gut always. Yeah, just always, especially when it comes to your kids.

SPEAKER_03

Anytime I've gone against it, I have regretted it. Yeah, no matter what.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sometimes the Holy Spirit lives in your gut. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Don't even get me started about microbiome, okay?

SPEAKER_00

Oh that's a whole nother topic. That's a whole other episode. So, what would you say that um people do not think about before making that switch into homeschooling?

SPEAKER_03

Um I think it's very easy to to have a romanticized, idealistic look at what it will look like. And and there are days that will be that way. There are gonna be days that are really hard, and you're like, why are we doing this? Because your kid doesn't want to do school and they have to do school within this certain time period because you have to leave at this time, or there's a flight to catch, or you know, there's just um it's not gonna be as idolized and romanticized as you think it will be. But but the end result usually is worth all the work. It's just it's a lot of work, and I say it's a lot of work, it was a lot of work for me, and and that part of that was I put on myself as an educator because I I had the um the knowledge of what it could be and what it should be. And sometimes the naivety of not having some of that is actually better because you don't know all the options and you just kind of do what you're told to do. Yeah. Um, so you can pick up a curriculum and just do exactly what the book tells you to do, and that is enough.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

If if that is what you choose to do. I didn't do that because I knew how to write curriculum. And so I would pick and choose from so many different options and then have to weave them all together. So that was a lot of work for me, but I kind of liked that. So that was fun for me too. Um, so it doesn't have to be as much work as I made it. Um, you you can do it online, you can you cannot you cannot be the actual teacher. You can have an online teacher that does everything for you. So there are ways to do it without it being as hard as I made it.

SPEAKER_00

There's so many options now.

SPEAKER_03

But I feel like I really customized it for our family and for each kid, which was a lot of work, but I'm so glad I did it. Yeah, you're amazing.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, well, you're such a good mom. Well, dude, my my mom tells me all the time, like when I'm, you know, upset crying and I'm like, this is so hard, especially, you know, in my season of single motherhood, like she was like, Right, it's hard for you because you're a good mom. Like you're putting in the work, you're doing the care. It wouldn't be hard. Yeah. If I didn't care, and if I was, you know, if I just let the house go to crap, then it wouldn't be hard, you know. But yeah, she that was something that she told me that like really helped. That's a good reminder. Yeah. Yeah, it's hard because you're a good mom. Like, and you worked your butt off to raise amazing kids. And it shows because they're all great.

SPEAKER_03

I think you're great. I mean, that's not thank you. And I appreciate that. And I do think my kids are amazing. But that doesn't mean it was all roses. I mean, we definitely had struggles. We definitely had times that things weren't working and we we had to switch, you know. Um but overall, I mean, they came out amazing adults and they're all thriving and earning their own way in life, and you know, so that that is good. But yeah, I I don't want to, I don't want to um, I do want to encourage women to to do this. I don't want to make it sound like it's easy peasy and it's all you know, roses, because there will be times that are very hard, but it is worth it.

SPEAKER_02

And I feel like I feel like from the research that I've done, there are so many options to the point that it's wildly overwhelming. It is. I agree. You and I are gonna get coffee and talk more in detail specifically to my situation later, but just volunteering you for that, by the way. I'm there.

unknown

No problem.

SPEAKER_02

But I mean, there's like, especially in this part of, you know, Nashville, like there's co-ops, there's, you know, um, there's like schools that you can go to Tuesdays and Thursdays, there's private split days, there's, you know, people in town that are like, oh, I'll teach this, I'll teach that. Like, or even just if you want to full send there at home 24-7 and never see another human being and you live as a homesteader, you can also do that.

SPEAKER_03

Do all of them, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah physical books online. Like, there's just yeah, there's so many options. So it can be very overwhelming.

SPEAKER_03

And there's so much more for y'all than there was for me 20 years ago, you know, or 30 years ago or whatever. Yeah. 25 years ago. Yeah. Um, but I like the options though, too. Options are great, it can be overwhelming, but you know, you just have to do your I'm an advocate of pros and cons list. Um and just like I said, you know, um asking people that have gone before you for wisdom as well as praying about it and going with your gut.

SPEAKER_00

No, I have um this one that isn't necessarily listed on our on our list, but just like more of like a personal question. So I have a career that, you know, I do full-time and but it's owning my own business. So there is some flexibility with that. But with the flexibility means that I'm working 24-7. You know, you leave a nine to five to work 24-7. And um from your perspective as an educator, is it possible and realistic to do homeschooling while having a career on top of that? Or I know it's it's easier if like you are a stay-at-home parent and that's like the main thing that you focus on and you're not having to split it, but is that something that you think with all these options that there could be options for? Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_03

I do think it is, it is very doable. Once again, you're gonna have to figure out what the schedule is for you and work that out. Um, it's easier if it is uh your own business because the flexibility, if you're if it's not your own business and you're having to put in someone else's time hours at a specific time, that that gets tricky. I'm not gonna say it doesn't work. You it can work. Anything's possible. I I am an advocate that education is not just in the classroom, it's 95% away from the classroom. Yeah. Um for that that's what I believe. Um so anything's possible. You don't have to live the standard 745 to 245 schedule. Yeah. Um, and you can vary from that and have a great education. And um working mom can educate their own child, it's just gonna be figuring out what that schedule looks like for your situation.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. I mean, that gets me excited because that would definitely that's gonna be my situation for sure.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah. So well, I feel like with you and I both, like in a perfect world, I would love to homeschool. I don't know if like we'll figure it out. Yeah, we'll figure it out. But but like you and I both, we we have a tendency to pick up businesses. Cough, cough, nudge, nudge of stagewives and book writing and let's let's pause. Let's let's not pick up anymore for the people now. No more ideas, please. No more ideas.

SPEAKER_02

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00

Appreciate it. But I am really that this does warm my heart though. Um, which like I think I think what my husband and I have decided to do is at least for like elementary to do public and then maybe switch her to homeschool when she gets a little bit older. But um for right now, it's just reassuring. That like I can supplement whatever I think might be missing from the public education.

SPEAKER_03

You can do that with any of them. You can supplement with the homeschooling. You can go to tutorials. You can go to extracurricular things. Yeah, you can supplement with no matter what route you go.

SPEAKER_00

So I hope that all the stage wives listening to this feel empowered in this, that they are not limited to what maybe their initial perception of homeschooling was. Like there's so many different options, so many different combinations. If you have a career and you can't give that up financially or because it's what your calling is, then that's okay. You can either still supplement or homeschool on top of that. So there's just so many options. So I hope that you guys listening are really encouraged by this.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I mean, it's it's I think this is just a common thread and theme with all of our podcasts that like what life do you want for you and your family? And whatever that is, you can create that, especially as a stage wife.

SPEAKER_03

I think my husband and I actually talked about that this morning because he's he's actually home on a Friday. He's never home on a Friday. But this morning we were having coffee and I was just kind of telling him what some of the things we might be talking about. And one of the things we have said from the very beginning is if you can teach your child how to critically think, no matter what schooling you do, got Ryan excited.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

They are going to be okay. Yeah. Because they will be able to find the answers they don't know. They will be able to listen to someone else's opinion and decide if that was the merit, if there's merit to it, if there's not merit to it, you know. If they can critically think, the world will be their oyster. I mean, so no matter which route you go, if you are constantly embedding ideas in them and getting them to critically think about their answer.

SPEAKER_02

That's what I'm I'm really passionate about. Like that did get me really excited. For those of you who can't see what I'm doing, which is all of you, I was like aggressively pointing at Lori. That that that is just that's something I'm so passionate about. And yeah, I would love that for we both are too.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, we both went to a liberal call, liberal arts college. Um, and we very much believe in I'm not saying you have to go to liberal arts college, but we believe in education. But bottom line is critical thinking. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like that's where I, well, I in my personal journey, I feel like that was a big missing piece in my public school education. Because it was like, no, you do what you're told, this is the truth, blah, blah, blah. You know, like whatever is taught is law in public school and you don't really have the opportunities to critically think. And then when you and I wasn't raised in church, I was, you know, I found Jesus in college, praise the Lord. But it wasn't, it wasn't until I got to college that I was taught to critically think, and then all these new ideas are coming at you, and it's very confusing and all the things. But I'm just thrilled that we're talking about this today because I do, I'm passionate, you know, you just you have to find out what's best for your family. You do, and that's the moral and that changes.

SPEAKER_03

So yeah. Being open to to switch gears in the middle of the road is important.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I love that. Um, okay, so we're gonna go to our next question, which we already covered this a little bit earlier, but I do want to kind of dive more into it. The the question uh is habits that you do to keep the connection alive while all the f uh with all the physical distance, for example, we make sure to call every single day, even if it was just a 15-second love you, goodnight call. So we kind of talked about that earlier with you and David and like the you know, all the changes that have have come over the years of like what our options are for communications and stuff. But yeah, I would love to know what has changed for you guys like over the years, obviously, you know, with phones being not, you know, landline and stuff, but like what are some ways that you guys, just you and David, have had to like pivot as being what 34 years deep into stage, yeah, stage wife life.

SPEAKER_03

I know one of the things that made a huge impact on our marriage and the way we ran our family, we discovered about 10 years in, I guess, as the book His Needs, Her Needs. I highly recommend that for any couple. And basically, it's just if you are fulfilling his needs and he is fulfilling your needs, then your needs are being met, and it will be easier to compromise. It will be easier to communicate, it will it everything will just be easier. Now, there is that hard to do? Yeah. Yeah. Especially when they're gone and you know, everyone's needs are different. Some have physical touch, some have, you know, um there's so many ways to meet those needs. So bottom line, that book changed the way we do our whole marriage. Um, and so and we still have to revisit that every once in a while. Oh, am I meeting all of their needs? Because if I'm not, something's lacking, and are they gonna find that somewhere else, you know? Or yeah, yeah, I think loneliness went for both parties is a big deal. And so addressing that and realizing it can be a problem. Yeah, um there's just that that's a big question with lots of answers.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. And ladies, again, that book is His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr. Yes.

SPEAKER_03

Adding to the case. I'm not getting paid. Yeah, I'm like not getting any kind of commission on that, but it literally changed the way I'll put I'll put the link for that marriage, for the Amazon link in the show notes.

SPEAKER_02

Cause yeah, that I've never heard of that.

SPEAKER_03

Someone recommended it to us um at the time, and I don't even remember who, but yeah, it it really changed our way of thinking. Um also David has been incredibly supportive from the get-go. Like I said, we went into this dating. He was already doing not on a smaller scale, right? But he was already doing what he does. And and he has a a unique gift. And so um we knew that he would be singing most likely in in our entire marriage. I mean, that we would be surprised if that wasn't the path for him. Yeah. Um so going into it, I already knew what was coming in a way that you kind of can know but not really understand, if that makes sense. So um we knew it would be something that we would have to deal with our whole time.

SPEAKER_02

So well, and I just want to honor you too, because it does take two to make this lifestyle work. Like you said that David is very supportive of you, which shout out, love you, David. Thank you for that. But also, Lori, like you did so much work to also support David as well. And I I feel like it just is what I've seen in this successful tour stage life, stage wife life and touring couples is just the mutual love and respect of each other, of each other's jobs, of each other's um careers and responsibilities on and off the road. Like what I'm hearing from you is that like you guys have obviously, like all humans, have you know had some rough patches and some great patches, but overall it's been just a mutual love and respect, and you just keep coming back to definitely the main thing. Yeah, yes, which I love.

SPEAKER_00

Well, and that's that's a that's a hill I will die on. I I love the fact that like a successful relationship is built off of respect, is like the biggest thing. Communication, good communication comes from from respecting each other, good compromise comes from respecting each other, and um so I definitely in the short while of knowing you can see just that love for between you and David, and that's so great.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that is one thing that he's the artist, so though he gets the spotlight, which if you know him is funny because he's very introverted and very shy. You would not know that on stage, but um, he's always said, you know, if it meant something different for our family, he would give that up. And he's constantly asking me, you know, what are your dreams? What are your goals? Are we meeting those? So he has been very, very active in making sure that that happens. I and you know, like I said, we're believers, so I believe God put us together because I am not career driven. That's not something that is in my makeup. I've always, I mean, I enjoyed my career and I liked it, but I really feel like looking back now is ultimately so I could raise our family the way we did. It wasn't more about a career path for me. Um, so you know, everyone's different, you know. I my my dreams and goals were more to be a mom. Um, I happen to have an education background that I am so thankful for um because it did help me raise our kids in various ways. Um but yeah, like you said, just small mutual respect. And, you know, I don't want him to ever have to give up his dream of being on the road. And he does, yeah, but he also doesn't want what he does to affect our family life. So knowing that and constantly revisiting that and talking about that, I think has helped us make it work.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00

With my husband, it's kind of the same of like he he's always when it gets really tough, he's like, he does a like a test, he's like, Hey, how is this? Do we do I need to come off the road? Because if I need to come off the road, I will come off the road. And I'm like, No, no, no, I don't want you to have to come off the road. Like, I love that you're in what you do, and I don't want to take that from you. I just need you to hear that it's hard at the moment. And um, but knowing that the love and the respect is there, that he's like, no, the my family means more to me than my career on the road. Like, just that that tiny, very far away door, right? An exit is there if I if I need to take it. I'm not gonna take it, but it's just knowing that it's there is like, okay, so I know that my daughter and I will be chosen in this. And then it is just comforting. Yeah, enough to say the least. So much easier to get through the hard times. It does. Because I'm like, okay, if this gets so bad, it's not gonna be this way forever. Yeah. But most more likely than not, I'm gonna be able to work through this without having to take that exit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. And there there may be come a time, like, there is a time I can think of when our sons were teenagers where he did step back a little bit because it was obvious they needed their dad around a little bit more than than he was. And he stepped back and didn't, he didn't not tour, he did, but not near as much as he was. Yeah. Because he could tell that it was affecting our family and and those sons of ours at that time. Um, and those are hard decisions because he was the only moneymaker. And to step back means, you know, just because someone's on stage doesn't mean that they can that it's they're rich, you know. We still have bills to pay. Um, so stepping back means it's a, you know, it can be a financial burden. And there's so many factors that go into all of it. Oh, absolutely. It was what we needed for our family at the time, and it is what he did.

SPEAKER_00

So that's awesome.

SPEAKER_03

But then, you know, that only lasts for a season and they grow up and he was able to travel more.

SPEAKER_02

And so well, okay, so speaking of him being on the road, this next question um kind of leans to that about like re-entry. So this next question is uh learning to readapt in the moments you have together when you literally have different daily lives, not in a vacation sense, but in a I've developed these hobbies in this time and have obligations when you are home kind of way. Lack of a better way to say it, it uh as I am currently operating a show. So what does re-entry look like for well, what did it look like then? What does it look like now?

SPEAKER_03

Whenever he, you know, came back whenever you guys were raising kids and yeah, uh and that changes depending on the stage and the age and stage of the kids, I think, as far as re-entry to the family. Um it's still hard for me sometimes as with no kids. And part of that is just selfish, you know, like, oh, I was gonna go do this with my girlfriends and now you're home, and I feel like I need to be here with you because you're not usually home, you know. And I I think you just kind of have to um in those situations reevaluate, okay, am I really being selfish or is am I just feeling a little guilty because you need your own life and the and they should respect that. Um but also the the limited time together is valuable. And so you need to jump on those opportunities when you can. That doesn't mean you drop everything every single time. Yeah. Um, and it's just a balancing act, I think.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And like the re evaluating priorities too, I feel like.

SPEAKER_03

Definitely.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And back to what uh Ryan was saying about, I mean, Rachel was saying, sorry, about um respect. I mean, if you are truly respecting your partner, you will see, oh, I really am just being selfish in this moment, or no, they respect what I need and I really need this getaway, or you know.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. That's a really good point.

SPEAKER_00

So, in in that same realm, like of kind of figuring out what you need versus what he needs and stuff, how do you honor your own root routines and make space for your spouse? Like, is there something that you try to always do for yourself when he's gone?

SPEAKER_03

Or well, that has definitely changed over the years. I was not good at it when I had kids at home. I and I know that now looking back, and that I was a better mom when I took some time away. And I constantly am telling my daughter, because you have mom guilt no matter what. I mean, no matter what you choose, you're gonna have mom guilt. Um, whether it's valid or not, it's there. But putting yourself first is not selfish because you're filling everyone else's needs 24-7. And if you don't fill yours a little bit, then you don't have much to give. Um that took me a long time to learn. Um but it's very important, I think. And so I mean, I think it's so important that like you might skimp on your grocery bill so that you can get a babysitter. You might I mean, and I didn't do that. I'm saying that in hindsight, which is much easier to do in hindsight. Yeah, but I do uh very much believe that you do need to prioritize yourself at least sometimes. Yeah, not every time, but sometimes to be a better mom and a better partner. Yeah, yeah. But you can't give from an empty cup.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So what do you do? You know, you you mentioned that you didn't do it a lot when you had the kids at home, but what do you do now to kind of refill your cup?

SPEAKER_03

Um I have a great group of girlfriends now, and I I feel like the Lord has always put people in my life because I'm a people person. Um, so I I need I need my peoples. Yeah. Um I feel like He has always put people in my path that has that have helped me along the way and fill that need for me. Um right now, it's the best season that I've ever been in with that, with friends. And I have a group, there's there's a group of ladies, there's six ladies and myself, so there's seven of us. And we actually all met through our kids going to this particular private school. Oh, cool. Um like I said, I have a tenure gap between my kids. So when my oldest was a sophomore in high school, she really decided at that time that she wanted to go go to school. And um long story short, we evaluated all the things I've talked about evaluating, and we decided for our family at that time, if one was going, they were all going. Well, my youngest was in first grade. So he went from first grade pretty much the whole way. I mean, there's some pivots here and there, but for the most part, he was in that school from first grade until he was done. And um, these moms' kids were there too, and we just have really bonded over our kids over the years. And so having that group of girlfriends, and now all of our kids are grown, and we still get together at least once a week. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00

Are they all still pretty close and locationally to you? The the the moms, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Oh yes, yeah, they're all in this area, and um that has been pivotal for me is having that group of ladies. They're they're like sisters, you know, and that has and I've always had someone. It it may not have been a group of ladies, I've always had at least that one friend, you know. Um, but for me, that's what I needed because I'm a people person, you know. So finding whatever that is for you. It might be a craft, it might be alone time to read a book, it might be gardening, whatever that thing is. Yeah, some all of those are mine too. Yeah, but but people are really I collect them all. All of those I just named, I do, but um that one is the biggest for me.

SPEAKER_00

It's just friends. Oh, I love that. That's really big for Ryan. I too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I subliminal messaging stagewives. Join stagewives and find new people.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, exactly. Exactly. Um, because both of us were tearing up and crying the other night over um just seeing the stagewives in the private Facebook group interacting and engaging with each other and trying to make plans and getting together for coffee and like building those connections because it's so important. Yeah, it's I mean, I cannot I cannot explain enough on this podcast and in like you know, day-to-day conversation, how pivotal having Ryan in my life, especially with you know, my daughter being so young and like trying to navigate this, like it was it was like a a light switch flipped. Yeah, like suddenly you were in my life all the time, and it was the best thing ever. And it was like a breath. You could breathe again.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, yes, feelings mutual, babe. That's great, yeah. So, man, I yeah. So, ladies, if you don't have that yet, get on the private Facebook group. We are stagewives and find your people. And yeah, it is, it is, it is beautiful, and honestly, such a relief to us because I know this week has been crazy for work for Ray and I, and it's been a couple days since we've been on there and we were working last night, and we're like, oh, I need to go through these, and just to see that, like, oh, this is a ship that runs itself now because people are asking questions and you know, commenting. I need this, what do you think about that?

SPEAKER_00

And you guys are just interacting with each other and it's just a prayer and people are giving prayer, like it's just it's it's just beautiful.

SPEAKER_02

It makes my heart yeah, yeah, it's a happy place.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Well, speaking of the private Facebook group, we have got one more question left. And uh I'm really interested to hear your uh thoughts on this one, Lori. But uh this next question is uh having to navigate vacation and wanting to take family trips, juggling the tour schedule with kids, school schedules. It was a lot easier to take them out of school before middle school, but now the homework is just so crushing. It is. So what do we do with that? How do you navigate that? How do we navigate this one? Because yeah, this one.

SPEAKER_03

We touched on that a little bit. Yeah, yeah. That um once my kids were teenagers, there was a lot more decision making, I guess. Uh at that, yeah, you know, um, because they want to be with their friends. And there's a dance this night, and there's a now, and I'm saying that because when all of mine were teenagers, they were in a school situation. We didn't homeschool when they were teenage. Well, I say that my oldest was a sophomore when she went, so she was homeschooled as a teenager, but high school age is what I'm talking about. Um so to navigate it, it's it's dependent on the kid, the situation, the um amount of time gone, the will the school work with you, you know, there's just so many factors. Yeah. Um, and what's best for your family ultimately for us, that's the way we went.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

After you've reviewed all those factors, what's the ultimate best decision for your family at that time in this one specific situation? Yeah. And it may be different every time with every with a different kid, even.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. It's like there's not really a right answer. There is not a right answer. Trade-offs and payments.

SPEAKER_03

And going back to what you said, making the best decision you can at the time. And that's you can only deal with what you know in the moment.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. What would you say to families that want to create meaningful time together, but the schedule just feels impossible?

SPEAKER_03

Maybe reevaluate the schedule. Um is my first answer. Um, that's not always possible though. Yeah. Because oftentimes we aren't in charge of our own schedule.

SPEAKER_02

Schedules, you know, because I mean that honestly though, that takes weight off my shoulders almost immediately. Because I'm just like, oh, the schedule can change.

SPEAKER_03

The schedule can change. Yeah. And the pros and cons, consequences, all of those still apply, but if it's not working, reevaluated. I love that.

SPEAKER_00

Now, when your kids were teenagers, they were in public school, right? Private school. Private school. Okay, but still in like a structured school system, not run by you. Was d David touring as much then too? How do I keep them connected with their dad on the road when like you know, private school runs on a clock? Yeah, it was a clock.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it was a big decision because the whole reason we started homeschooling in the beginning was because he was gone on the weekends when they were off and he was home during the week when they were home. So there was a lot of adjusting for our family. Honestly, still to this day, and my girlfriends that I was talking about still tease me because we never adjusted to the school schedule ever. We were always late because we were so used to homeschooling and doing our own schedule. We were always late. We did live about 45 minutes away from the school that we chose. So that was part of it. And we're we're stage family. We do nights, we don't do mornings, right? So they still tease me about that. Um luckily we chose the private school because they knew what David did. Okay, it was a Christian school. They honored the family unit, they wanted us to be able to stay together as much as possible. So they did give us some absences that weren't really allotted. Yeah. But once again, that goes back to once they're older, they gave us homework ahead of time as much as they could. But there's it's just a lot of catch up when you get back. And we would have to decide, you know, is this family trip? Are are we gonna be able to have time as a family on this trip if we go while you're working? That's number one. If not, then we probably won't go because it's a lot of work to catch up, you know. But if we will have a lot of time together as a family, are the kids willing to do what it takes to catch up or to miss the game or to whatever to miss the dance or to, you know, whatever it is, you know, is that something that they want to do? And um does it what works best for our family? I mean, bottom line is you know, one kid may have not wanted to go on the trip and wanted to stay home, but overall it was best for the family to do it or vice versa, you know. So lots of decision making.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And oh Lori, I like I don't want this conversation to end personally because I feel like we could just keep talking to you and gleaning from your story and your wisdom. But man, thank you so, so, so, so, so much for being here.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you for inviting me. I hope that I've I've given you a little bit of encouragement and a little bit of this is our story, and there's lots of options that I mean one way is not the right way.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I think your insight is just so invaluable, and I'm just incredibly grateful that you agreed to be on this podcast because I do think that it's gonna encourage our stagewives who there's so many of them that are in this season of like public, private, homeschool, what do I do? You know, me being one of them. So we're just we're so grateful that you guys were here.

SPEAKER_00

And I think that a lot of a lot of these stagewives too are not looking to talk to a quote unquote expert, but someone who has lived it oh, yeah. And literally, like, I mean, how could you ask? I don't know if there even is an expert that is like they need to be a stage wife, they need to explain private, public, and homeschooling and have an educator background.

SPEAKER_02

Like, I just think that like we're just so spoiled, dude. Cause like our our in-house therapist, Samboretta, like, I don't want to talk to a therapist about marriage counseling who's not a stage wife and who doesn't get my line. I don't want to talk to an educator, like, who's like, you know, only done this and who's not a stage wife. Like, I want what do our people do? What has worked best for you? And like this has just been such a such a great conversation. Well, thank you. Thanks for having me. Of course. Well, ladies, I hope this has encouraged you. I hope that you can walk away with a little bit more wisdom, a little bit more air in your lungs, and your shoulders just a little bit more relaxed. There are options if you have a specific vision for your family. That is possible. Lori, thank you so much for joining us. Okay, so where can we find you? Like you you guys own a venue and a barn and a business. And like tell us a little bit about that and where we can find you. We do.

SPEAKER_03

Um, the business is Barn and Bale. Um, you can find that on all the social platforms and barnandbale.com. It started as just like our merch for our um sales, you know, merch sales. Yeah. And it evolved. We when we moved to our home that we have now, we've been there 25 years, but we bought an old farm. It was a dairy and it had this huge dairy barn and we converted it into a concert venue hall. That's so um it's been a lot of fun, a labor of love, a lot of work. But we have shows there and we have a store that's um not just merch, but also just we we call it, it's it's a collection of things we love, things we would buy as gifts. It's it's just a little bit of everything. It's home goods, it's artisan crafts, it's um that we've curated, it's great devotional books, it's music, it's home decor. We have a whole set of classes that we started um called celebrating the art. So, like this week we had a cake decorating class, next week we have a class on growing dahlias, the next week we have a class on um nature journaling. So we have three a month, we have classes out there. So find us at barnandbale.com.

SPEAKER_02

Amazing or on socials, and I love that your passion for education just continues. It continues. Yeah, yeah. Go check her out. One more time. What is the website?

SPEAKER_03

BarnandBale.com. Bale like a hay bale, B-A-L-E. Perfect.

SPEAKER_02

All right, well, thank you guys so much for joining us. Um, please go follow us on WeAre Stagewives. That's our private Facebook group. Uh, if you're not into the you know private thing, like you can also find us on uh Facebook at Stagewives, on Instagram at Stagewives, and uh we've got some really exciting things coming up, so please visit our website, www.stagewives.com, and uh just see what's up. Sign up for our mailing list, and you'll see why when you go visit the website. Uh we love y'all so much.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we appreciate you guys, and you are not alone. We are right here with you, figuring it out one season at a time. Pivoting, pivot.

SPEAKER_02

And well, we love you guys. Have the best day, and we will see you next time on off stage and on duty. Bye.