Trust Joy

Joy is easy to embrace when life is going well. But what does it look like to trust joy when circumstances are difficult, uncertain, or completely out of your control?

In this episode of Offstage and On Duty, Rhyan and Rachael have an honest conversation about choosing joy—not as a feeling, but as a perspective. They discuss the tension between acknowledging life’s challenges while still making room for gratitude, hope, and the good things that exist alongside them.

If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, or stuck in a difficult season, this episode is a reminder that joy and hardship can coexist—and that sometimes trusting joy is an act of courage.

Join the conversation and be encouraged to look for the light, even when the road feels heavy.

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Transcript

unknown 0:00

One, two, three, four.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Well, hello, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Offstage and On Duty. I'm your host, Rai. And I'm your host Ray. And we're doing great. Ray's mic broke. Woo! You know, it's not going hands-free today. Nope, it just is what it is. And then I tried to undo mine and it wouldn't. So here we are. Honestly, you look more fancy. What a day. What a day we're having. First of all, how are you? I feel like we always just jump into these podcasts and it's like, so today we're talking about, but like, how are you? You know, I'm doing better than I deserve. So you're gonna pull a Dave Ramsey. I was gonna pull a Dave Ramsey. Honestly, I feel that. Yeah. We kind of mentioned this in the last podcast, but people have been asking, like, how are you? How's everything? How are you doing it? Yeah, how are you doing it? It's like, I don't know. I don't know. But we're good. We're feeling good. Life is great. We're just we've got a to-do list. We're doing the to-do list. We're planning to do list our book release party. And it is gonna be a party all. Please keep a lookout for that invitation because it's open to everybody. It's coming soon.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

And when you see it, share it.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Yeah. Just you know what? Go ahead and mark your calendars for July 28th. And then details are coming soon because we have got some super fun things planned. Cannot wait. But speaking of parties, the subject matter today is called learning to trust joy again. And I thought this topic was really interesting because so many stagewives are in survival mode for so long that once you come out of that, it is almost like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop constantly.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Constantly.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

And whenever you're planning things, like whether it be family vacations or planning things whenever he comes home, or even just learning to trust the joy in the little things, feels like almost like this big to-do, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Like it is you waste so much energy focusing on what could happen and the negative and just preparing yourself for the negative outcome that you like miss what's in front of you.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Exactly. So we're gonna be talking about that today.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

How do we trust the joy again, guys? You know? I need this lesson too. I feel like I've been just so go, go, go that like finding joy, even in the midst of to-do lists, like I've been so focused on getting all my to-do lists and stuff done that I haven't even focused on what could happen. I'm just like, do, do, yeah, get done, get done, get done, get done. But then uh I was just mentioning this to a lovely stage wife that I met at coffee uh yesterday. But there's so much things to do in like focusing on your to-do list that I'm like, how is it Thursday already? Like I literally feel like I blacked out. I got some stuff done, but other than that, I'm like, it's just blacked out time. Like, did I do anything today that brought me joy? Yeah. Or that I picked up on the joy, you know?

SPEAKER_00 3:04

Yeah. Well, dude, I feel like yesterday we sat down and we were just working on our release party because we were looking at the calendar and we're like, oh, we have so much time. And then we looked at it and we're like, we don't have time. We don't have time. We have no time. Like, what? Oh, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. No doubt. Like we're halfway through June. Yeah. Or you're getting married in three months. I have not started planning. Like, I mean, we have like kind of some stuff, but like we have not sat down and like planned. We haven't sent out invitations. Yeah. Everybody thinks that we hate them because we have sent out nothing. No, no invitations. No say the day. No one's not a little bit of a little bit. No invitations. Literally, no one's invited. No one is invited. It's just me and literally. Like, but it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

It's fine.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

We're gonna get there.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

Because what really matters is the joy.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

The joy. The joy. I do feel like there is something beautiful that happens when you know your future's not your own, anyways. Like you can plan and we will like to be prepared. And obviously, like you and I are both perfectionists in one way or another. We do balance each other out in that way. Yeah. You really care about how things look. I really care about how things are said. But uh, you know, and so we complete each other in that way, but also we're just like, we're gonna do our best, and then the results are not really up to us. It just kind of is what it is.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Well, and I think in the grand scheme of things, in general, everybody, us, all the other stage wives, our husbands, our parents, whatever, everybody puts too much value on what other people think when it really doesn't matter. Oh, first in the end game. So, like every week I meet with my, you know, business consultant for my business, and he's like, Okay, so where's this hit on the high on the priority list, high, medium, or low? I feel like every item I give him is high or medium. And in reality, it's really not. Yeah. Like deadlines come, yes, those are important. But in the grand scheme of things, getting a social media post out and like spending three hours on what it looks like is not worth it in the end because nobody's really gonna look at that and be like, man, looks like she only spent like two minutes on that. Bringing this back into stage wife life.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Yeah. Does the house need to be pristine by the end of the day?

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Or do you need to, um, because a couple of stagewives have commented this, a lot of people do this. Uh, do you need to clean the house and have the house a hundred percent perfect before your husband comes home? I have the desire to do that, but I have resigned myself that that's just not gonna happen. Yeah. Thankfully. But like we have a lot of stagewives who talk about that. I do that. You do that. Yeah. It's like, do we not feel comfortable showing them that it's been tough?

SPEAKER_00 5:39

Oh interesting.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

What? I know. Also, what's their reaction going to be? Are they gonna be like, yeah. Well, I guess we're gonna be leaving the house.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Yeah, that's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Every relationship is different.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

We we we have really good relationships where you know, our men come home and then they like see a problem, they want to jump in and fix it and help instead of like expecting that that's all on us to do. Right, for sure. There's a difference there. So I have to get, you know.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

And it is weird because I always feel guilty too, whenever whenever like Bench cleans the house or whenever he does dishes and laundry, which he so freaking amazing. Like he does so much housework, and I always feel so guilty. Because I'm just like, I didn't get to it quick enough. And I'm like, what is that? Yeah, where is that coming from? Is it like a social expectation? Is it a personal expectation? Is it a societal expectation? I was raised in the South, so like is that that is it my heritage?

SPEAKER_01 6:37

Like what with like we do child rearing, and you and I both have our own businesses and stuff like that. And like, even with that, like the fact that we do all of that, there's still that expectation that we hold on ourselves of like, oh, but you're supposed to be the stay-at-home mom, too. You're supposed to be the house cleaner and the cook for everything. Yeah, and because I know I carry that, and every time that I'm not doing that, I'm not a great cook. I can be, I just am not patient.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

You make great enchiladas.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

I make great enchiladas. Those are so good. I have cooked great meals in the past. I just do not have the patience for it, and I don't like doing it. So it's more of a don't don't like versus can't do.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Yeah. So for me, it's like I still, even though the Averizine, like, hey, I know that I'm not good at this or don't want to do this and not the best, uh, even though Hunter loves it and he would be glad to do it, I still feel guilty every time he has to cook. My brain, my primordial brain is like, I must be cook.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

I must be cook. That's so interesting.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

I hate it. I hate that that's there and ingrained in our heads. And I wonder, you know, stage-wise, if you feel this too, like what things are ingrained in your head that aren't really reality. Food for thought.

SPEAKER_00 7:40

Pun intended. Yep. But I'm bumped. Well, honestly, though, that's a really good point because I feel like a part of our own primordial primordial doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Part of our lizard brains, especially as stage wives, is the expectation to be flexible in this lifestyle because you have to be. Like it is one of those things where you actually do have to be really flexible in order to make this a successful lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

If you don't like flexibility, yeah. Sorry, babe.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

It yeah, it is. It's so much pivot. It really is. But a part of flexibility is almost expecting disappointment and like setting yourself up for that because you can make plans, but you need to be flexible, which means like, okay, we've made plans to go on this really nice dinner date, and then bus call gets moved up for four or five hours. Or you are making plans to go to the park, but then there's this one-off that the band that he is on salary with puts on the calendar, and now you can't go to the park. It's almost like we have the strength in us to be flexible, but then there's also this disappointment ingrained in it as well. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Wow. That's a really good thing to think about because I I can I can't like pin out exactly what situation it was, but I just know I know that I have experienced a lot of this because I will say, like, oh, I want to do this, I want to do this, I'm super excited to do this. But then at the same time, I literally have told Hunter, like, yeah, I'm excited to do this, but I'm I'm holding back my excitement because it might not happen. So I'm like, I literally would shove away my excitement so that it would be less disappointing when it changed.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Yeah. And it's a way of protecting ourselves. I think therapists call it anticipatory disappointment. And it's basically like when you've been disappointed enough that your brain starts preparing for disappointment even before it happens.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

I think one of the times was I was super excited. Oh, oh, I remember. It was a big art event that I was going to, and I was really, really excited for him to be there. And then he ended up not being able to go. And it was a very big pivotal moment for me. But I knew deep down in accepting, like, oh my goodness, he's gonna be there. I kept saying to myself in my head, he's most likely not gonna be able to come. He's probably not gonna be able to come. He's not gonna be able to come. And so I had this like underlying level of disappointment that just that shadowed so much of that interaction. And then unfortunately, that time it ended up being true. Yeah. But then I unintentionally then put all that pressure on him and made him feel real bad afterwards. Cause I was he was like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I was like, it's okay. I kind of prepared for you not being able to go anyway. Yeah. As like a, oh, it's fine. But then in reality, he was like, Do you really just anticipate that I'm not gonna be there?

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Yeah. And I was like, Kind of, kinda, yeah. Yeah, we have to in a way. I mean, we don't have to, I suppose, but it is a way of protecting our so is that good or bad? Don't know. Sam.

unknown 10:41

Sam.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

But uh but yeah, I don't know if that's good or bad. I think if it gets in the way of us having joy, then it's bad. Two things can be true at the same time, right? Like you can, you're allowed to expect disappointment, but also there needs to be joy on the other side of it as well. I think maybe in that situation, you know, expecting him to not be there and then he wasn't. Okay, well, good. You prepared for it. You know, you weren't like blindsided, which would have been terrible. But also you got to like drink in that moment by yourself and like get to soak in this thing of like, I did this. Yeah, here I am. Flexibility without resentment. Yeah, that's the key, dude. Ooh, she hit a nerve. Because that is so true. Like having the flexibility as a stage wife and not carrying the resentment that can come along with that is such a skill and a dance and a balance and a necessity if you're gonna have a successful marriage.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Well, and I think all of us, like everybody, kids especially, crave structure and crave routine. Yep, yep, yep, yep. But in this lifestyle, you just you just can't get that. That's not guaranteed. And so it is really easy to tag on resentment with that because of course, what is the thing that is causing you to have to be flexible? His career.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

And so, like, it is so easy to pin that on him. But yeah, if you do, it will like pile up and lead to so many other problems in your relationship and just keep compounding.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

Well, and there's a cost to being the strong one. You know what I mean? And there is a cost to being the one who is carrying the at-home weight a lot of the time. We hear that all the time.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

I hear that every single time I try to explain what this career and this lifestyle is. So annoying, dude.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

It's like it gets so old so fast.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

Oh my gosh, she's gone so long. You're so strong. I could never do it. I could never do that. How could you, how could you do that? How are you, how are you alive right now? How are you surviving? Yeah. And I'm like, like the whole you're so strong, and you know, they're trying to validate, they're trying to make it. It's meant to be a compliment. Yeah. But like in reality, like it just kind of like puts you in a cage.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Yeah. And it almost like triggers something in your brain of like, are you okay? And you're just like, Am I okay? Yeah, am I? Am I okay? Should I be falling apart? It's like, yeah, it's a weird thing of shifting your perspective almost in a negative way. Like you said, it's meant to be a compliment, it's meant to build you up, but actually it just triggers something.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

It's like it's like almost puts you in a space where you're like, oh, this is a season that I need to get out of. Yeah. And not like a season that this is my life. Yeah. Which we don't want to, we don't want to put ourselves in a position where we have a light at the end of the tunnel that we're constantly straining for.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

What was it that Sam said? She was like, My family doesn't need a finish line to find joy or to be successful. Yes. Which I love that. I love that. I feel like it also puts you into a headspace of I can't fall apart and I can't need help.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

Like, I have to look strong. Yeah. Like they're they're reminding me that I'm strong for going through this. And you are. Yeah. We are.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

But yo, you are. You are. You are. Listen to it. That can also lead to isolation, though.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Yeah. Like, oh, I'm strong. This is what I identify as now. If I show that I'm weak, then I lose my strength, I lose my identity, and I'm no longer a strong stage wife.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

I'm just that's really interesting.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Yeah. Yeah. Hunter and I have been married for 10 years. And so the entire time of our marriage, we have he has been touring.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

And so we have gone through, we have gone through it. But I feel like now we are at a really good, healthy spot, which is why I feel like Ryan and I are able to like pour out into the community and stuff. But with that, there's a catch 22 because it's like, oh, I'm a strong, I'm succeeding, which means that I can't acknowledge when it is hard. Because I'm like, oh, well, no, that was the past. I got through that hard time. I can't actively be struggling.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

Hmm. That feels dirty to me.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

It does. Well, it feels like if I let myself be weak now, then coming out of the hard season didn't happen. And like I didn't succeed. So it's like you're not like backsliding.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

Oh, I know. Brother. Brother.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

So I don't know. At least in my brain, that's kind of what I feel like is if I admit that I'm really in a really rough spot, even when I've come out of that seasons.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

That's very interesting.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Like now I'm like, well, now, no, I've succeeded. I cannot admit that I am currently so interested.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Struggling. Yeah, I think my I've just gone over the cycle of healing so many times that it just makes sense. Like, oh no, yeah, healing's not linear. Like you're gonna have good days, you're gonna have bad days. You're gonna have, you know, and it just uh is a part of being human. Yeah. Like you're still climbing up the mountain of where you would like to eventually be, and you've made progress, but slow progress sometimes it doesn't feel like you're moving at all.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

At least for for Hunter and I, we went through a season of like two or three years where it was really, really rough. Like we were not in a good space. And so for us, that was like that was our bad time. And so thankfully, you know, it is good that we haven't had anything like that since then. And it's like small tiffs, but I do I do find myself putting myself in that cage.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

Yeah. Something that I've noticed too is that sometimes touring isn't the problem, sometimes it exposes the problem. Ooh. Like, what if when he I know don't like what if what if his being gone is exposing a childhood trauma, fear of abandonment? What if the anxiety comes from like your instability from when you were growing up? You know what I mean? Or struggle with flexibility being the because like maybe you were raised in a military family and like structure was the thing and structure was key, and structure was the key to success. And now there's not. Yeah.

unknown 16:44

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

I mean we don't we don't have we don't have a the we're not Sam. We don't have a degree in this, we don't have a we don't have a sort of asking questions, you know? That is so interesting.

SPEAKER_00 16:57

What if? Because I feel like as we're talking about this, and we haven't even gotten to the trusting joy again part, like we're still muddling through all of the things that lead us to distrust of joy. But what if it's not as simple as him being gone? Because we love to point fingers and we love to blame and we love to do all the things, and it is easier to be angry than to deal with the issue at hand, especially when the issue is within ourselves. And it's easier to blame his schedule, his tour, his timing, his career on why we are not happy.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

Oh wow, that is such an interesting thought. Yeah. Like it makes a lot of sense though, because we carry all that internally. And when you are in seasons of high stress, that kind of stuff exhibits itself. Like I have had trauma of not feeling like I'm good enough for XYZ. And so maybe the reason why I'm so stressed to make sure that he's not having to do so many chores when he gets home and that he doesn't see that I'm struggling is because I I want him to see that I'm good enough to be in this lifestyle. Ooh. Oh my. If I say I'm struggling, does that mean I'm not a good enough stage wife?

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Ooh. Or just good enough in general. Or just good enough. Yeah. Yeah. So that's our podcast. We're gonna go cry now. We're gonna go cry. See you later, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Welcome to Oh no, Ray and Rise existential crisis.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

I love these kinds of podcasts though, and like things just naturally get done. Yeah. Because like, yeah, that is yeah. Trauma, trauma, trauma.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. Just immediately laugh about it. It's great. That's so true though. Oh, if you guys resonate with this, feel free to put it whatever you want to in the comments. You know.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

I'm laughing because the next part of our segment is called minim minimizing our own pain. God, anyways. Okay, so I'm gonna let y'all in on a little secret. So we do have like obviously outlines for our podcast because we like to stay on track because rabbit trails, ADD, all the things. Yeah. And I'm not kidding, the next outlines are things that I have said out loud. Yeah. So, like the next excuses that we make for our minimizing our own pain are military wives have it harder, single moms have it harder, uh, other people have real problems. So literally, there's been moments where we've talked about this statistic for military wives. And Ray has been like, no, but there is real statistics out there that say that the what military wives and what stage wives go through is exactly the same.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

And I'm just like, yeah, but our husbands aren't out there risking their lives. Yeah, they're not fighting for their country. It's not as long.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Yeah, exactly. When they go on tour, like we're not afraid of them dying for the most part.

SPEAKER_01 19:58

But I think one of the things that we I've heard this from multiple stagewives too. Of like, because we we compare it and we say, like, no, if if your husbands are traveling and you are feeling that separation, doesn't matter if they're in the music industry, doesn't matter if they're a tour bus driver or if they're a salesperson or if they're in the military, you're welcome to join this group. Like they just have to be traveling spouse. You can still join, just bear with the music puns, but I've heard that from multiple stage wives of like, oh, well, military wives have it so much harder. And well, it doesn't really compare to that, but it really, it really truly does. And I think what we could gain from partnering with military wives is that there have been structures put in place for military wives. And so I want to open this up to more military wives as well. And like, maybe we'll get a military wife on the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

I was literally just thinking that.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

I think I think they have so much to be able to give to us. There are people in our stage wife group who have husbands who uh left two months ago and won't be back until October.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

Like there are spouses that go out on pop tours that are six months long, and a lot of military tour schedules are around six months. To a year, yeah. To a year. Amber Health. Yeah. Um, they were on the Gigs podcast, and hopefully I don't butcher this, but they talked about how touring individuals, like men, women on the road, have the same amount of anxiety and stress as military and as paramedics that are constantly in those high stress situations. And um, I I want to dig more into that on a completely different podcast because I think it's such an interesting fact. And it did shock me a little bit because I naturally expected it to be less, but it's based on all their stats and stuff, it is it is just as high. The next one, the single mom salad heart, that's something that like I've said, and I've just been like, Well, you know, I I can't I live like a single parent, but you're not technically a single, so I don't count, and it's but let me speak into this.

SPEAKER_00 21:59

So I remember sitting in multiple church services where they would have like single moms stand up or single spouses. And I'm just like, on the inside, I'm wanting to stand up, but I can't because I'm technically married and you know, all of the things. But let me tell you, stage wife. Look into my eyes. Look into her eyes. Look it up. So everyone knows that I am divorced. And I will tell you as a straight up fact, going from being married as a stage wife to being a full-time, no holds bar single mom, there is no difference. To be fair, every single situation is different. Every marriage is different, every relationship is different. But from the amount that my ex toured, which was on average 300 days a year, to being a full-time single parent, I would like to remove that excuse from your brain that single moms have it harder because I have been both. And I can tell you that there's no difference. And hopefully that like equally shocks and relieves you.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Yeah, because it empowers you. It empowered me. It empowered me when she was telling me that when she had that realization, I was like, oh, yeah. Okay. It is hard.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

It is freaking hard. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

This is this is great. Okay. Now I feel better.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

Hopefully that doesn't discourage you, but empowers you to know that you are doing something incredibly difficult. There's no benefit to downplaying pain or downplaying your situation. It's a balance, right? Because there is nothing good about downplaying it, but there is something terrible about inflating it. So, like we don't want to be a victim and we don't want to say, like, woe is me. But then also you don't want to dismiss what you're going through because it is hard. And those tears are valid. And you are incredibly strong for going through what you're going through and supporting your husband and being the like anchor at home. That's really tough.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

And you're doing it. We can acknowledge the pain, but we don't want to identify with it. Yep. 1000%. If you identify with the pain and you identify with like this is just my life, like I'm this is miserable. I'm miserable. I will always be miserable. Everything like that. Like that is where you're identifying with that pain and you're identifying with that situation. Like, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Yeah. You're strong. Yeah. There is like.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Well, it's just it's funny because pain's not a competition. It's not. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, well, they they're doing that and they're doing that. Pain is pain. Pain is pain. And tough is tough. And Moxie is Moxie. You know what I'm saying? But I would also like to challenge you to think about like who are you outside of your roles? Outside of being a stage wife, outside of whether it be stay-at-home mom, whether it be a career artist, manager, HR representative, regardless of stage wife, what you do for work or where you find yourself. Your role, your identity. Yeah, whatever it is. I think it's really important to identify what brings you joy, what excites you, what dreams have you put down, and what parts of yourself need revisiting. Because the entire point of this podcast today is learning to trust joy. And we can't exactly do that if we don't even know what brings us joy. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because I think many of us aren't actually struggling with joy. We're struggling with vulnerability.

SPEAKER_01 25:32

Ooh. Say that again. Say that again.

SPEAKER_00 25:37

Learning to trust joy, right? I don't think we're actually struggling with joy. I think we're struggling with vulnerability. Allowing ourselves to hope and giving ourselves permission to say, I deserve happiness. You know, or even just allowing ourselves to find the things that fill us up.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

Like we don't have to be so strong, so put together this entire time, even though it's hard that we can't allow ourselves time to have joy. Yeah. And find things to bring in joy. Even if it means the house is dirtier. Yeah. The dishes don't get done. Maybe we skip bath for the third night in a row.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

Yeah. Like well, dude, and like what you said, it's the level of importance in life, right? Like, what's more important right now? A good night's sleep starting at 9 p.m. after the kids go down, or staying up until 10:30 doing dishes and having a clean house. Your answers might be different from day to day because having a clean house for me does give me peace and it does help my mental health. But sleep is so vital for balancing your brain. That's the only way you get rid of stress hormones, or one of the only ways that you get rid of stress hormones is you sleep them away and they just melt. Yeah. That's how I imagine it, anyways. Just imagine her laying there and just internally ASMRing.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

That's something I need to get better at because sleep is the first thing for that goes for me. Yeah. But that compounds the issues. For sure. 1000%. Yeah. Makes you work less hard, makes you tired more often. Metabolism goes bye-bye. Yeah. That's true. It impacts everything.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:21

So choose sleep if you can't.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

Choose sleep. Choose joy. First, you need to figure out what it is. You need to be vulnerable enough to accept it and to find it. To say that you're deserving of it. Yeah, exactly. And what are the things that we can find joy in that don't depend on your husband's schedule?

SPEAKER_01 27:40

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Oh, don't depend on the kids' schedule as well. It's like, okay, a little cup of coffee, that brings me so much joy. And I'm going to enjoy this moment. I have a Keureg in my bedroom because I don't want to walk all the way downstairs to enjoy my coffee. I just want to have it whenever I wake up in the morning. So I wake up and I put it in there and then it's done. And that brings me joy. Like, what are the little things that we can do that are not dependent on anyone else? Mm-hmm. And that we can just learn to enjoy again. Yeah. And like finding those little steps towards having a life just so fulfilled. That's your challenge for the day. Find your joy. For this week, actually. For this lifetime. For this lifetime. Don't stop. Believe in. Hold on to that. To that feeling. I feel like this lifestyle is so multifaceted. And there's so many moving parts of it at all times. But if no one's told you today, you're doing a great job. You're doing great. You're so strong. But you are strong.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

But you're strong.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

But it sucks. But you know, joy. Hopefully, we have communicated this in a way that does not feel like we're putting a band-aid over real pain or a bumper sticker over real pain. But genuinely, once you are out of victim mentality, and once you are out of survival mode, which is the hardest part, that is the biggest mountain you have to conquer. But once you're out of that and the healing can begin, there is so much light and beauty.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

Like finding joy could also be a in your walk to go get the mail. I don't know if you're religious, but have some time with God. Have a prayer with God. Have enjoy the birds. The bird. Take your coffee somewhere new. Yeah. Look at something around your backyard or your house or your apartment or wherever you are and say, what around here is beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

You know what? That is very, very true. Cause whenever I was in survival mode and just like white knuckling it, having those little moments of gratitude was really pivotal.

SPEAKER_01 29:42

One of the things that, and I know we're we're kind of ending and don't want to go on too much of a tangent here, but um, Hunter and I just got back from our 10-year anniversary and we went to Paris. We don't like ever vacation, so we wanted to do something super special for 10 years. When we went there though, the pace of the lifestyle was so different. And so when I was there, I took my sketchbook and we would just sit somewhere for like 15 minutes and I would sketch. And that was so peaceful. And so for me, like I one of the things that I'm taking away from that is I have a tiny sketchbook with me wherever I go, and I'm gonna find something beautiful each day and try to sketch a little quick five-minute sketch in that. I love that. And it it is something that just reminds you, like with the conversation I had with the stage wife earlier, of me feeling like I'm doing so much that I black out on the whole week. Yeah, I don't remember anything. Finding those moments of joy help you to define each day. It will help time to slow down so you don't feel like you're losing track of time.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

And it will just make your life better and it will reflect in your kids. Your kids are gonna see you doing that. Your kids are gonna see you choosing joy. You'll have a better relationship with them, a better relationship with your husband. So what can it hurt?

SPEAKER_00 30:55

What can it hurt? You know? Nothing. Nothing. Choose joy and trust that it's not gonna let you down. You know what I mean? Like it's not there, it's not gonna change its schedule on you. Joy is always present. You just have to find it. You know? We love you, Stagewives. In the meantime, as you are choosing joy this week, don't forget to mark your calendars for July 28th for our book release party. It's gonna be so fun.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

And if if you're out of town and you can't come to the book release party, we have pre-sale orders out now. And the first hundred copies, which we don't have that many left of the first hundred pre-sales. Which is crazy to say out loud. Exciting. So if you want a signed copy by Ray and Rye, uh, please go on the website, order that now, and then that should get to you uh hopefully by the release date as well. Um, so it doesn't matter if you are in Tennessee and able to come to that or not, you will be able to get your signed copy if you go to the website. You might get it before everybody else. You might get it before everybody else, depending on who knows how uh shipping wants to handle things. But uh we are so excited to give this to you guys and cannot wait for the joy that it hopefully brings your families and ways that it can help your kids.

SPEAKER_00 32:11

Connectivity, reconnection, reconnect, all the things.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

So excited about this. And then uh the other thing is that if you go to our website, stagewives.com, you will see the shop button. That is where you'll be able to do your pre-order. Uh, you'll also see there's some merch now. Look at who's wrapping our merch. We have black baseball hats, uh, stage wife, all access pass, luggage tag. And then uh I'm also in the works with getting sweatshirts, tank tops, uh, some stage kids stuff. So be on the lookout for that as well. So we're gonna have merch available for you so that you can rep stage wives and be proud of your stage wife role in this lifestyle.

SPEAKER_00 32:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:55

So we're excited.

SPEAKER_00 32:56

And if you're new to the podcast, thank you for listening to this whole thing. Um, what a treat for you to be here and just be on this crazy journey with Ray and I because I feel like these are always fun and hopefully entertaining for you. But if you're new, please go follow us on socials at Stagewives on Instagram and TikTok and Facebook. We also have a private Facebook group, which is where all the nitty-gritty happens and the community comes together and we get to discuss really hard things and good things and everything in between. At We Are Stagewives, uh, you do have to fill out a questionnaire just to make sure that you're a real person, you're not a robot. Um you do not have to be married.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

We've had that question quite a bit recently. You can be dating or engaged to someone who travels for work who's gonna be on one. So um, we've had athletes, wives, um had military wives, military wives, we've had salespeople, um, wives.

SPEAKER_00 33:56

If you are not in the music industry, you'll just have to deal with some music puns because you know fill out the questionnaire and ask if it applies to you and if you're good.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

And then, you know, I go through every single one of these personally to make sure that we have uh a safe group. And so uh I will see it. I will message you if I have any questions and we can get you in.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

Easy peasy.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

But uh yeah, we just we want to create a safe space for you guys, and all of you are welcome. We're so excited.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

Yeah, just to have this space growing for you. So glad you guys are here. Still crazy that it's been a year and this is where we're at. It's just wild. But we love you guys, love you so much. Great week. We will see you next week with Backstage Huddle. But until then, we love you. Thank you for your presence. You are amazing, so proud of what you're doing. It is a niche lifestyle, but hopefully not so niche anymore because you have found your people. So we're here. We love you guys. Have a great week. Bye.

unknown 34:55

Bye.