23. What Happens When We Stop Trying to Outrun Our Feelings?

In this episode we ask what happens when we just…let it be. If you’ve ever felt disconnected from yourself, overwhelmed, or like you have no idea how to carry on, this one is for you. We ALL feel that way sometimes, what matters is how we respond to it. By learning to recognize and support ourselves we can better move through the ick when it comes knocking on our door. 

Transcript

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Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to Creator Putty. I'm glad you've pulled up your seat at the round table today. My name is Chloe, and today we're gonna dive into kind of a the main theme is the question of what happens when we stop trying to outrun our feelings, especially when all we want to do is run from our feelings. Um, I made a big decision in the last week and just totally hopped on a mental roller coaster that had lots and lots of loop-de-loops. So let's talk about what to do when you find yourself strapped into a roller coaster ride that you can't seem to get off of mentally, and how our emotions might just be the guide out of that loop. Let's get into it. Welcome to Creator Putty, a space where the invitation is always open to call upon the higher power that breathes you, and remember that there is strength in surrender. Now let's go explore the expanses of consciousness. I hope that you have had a wonderful week or two since we last chatted here. I have had quite a roller coaster, like I mentioned. Um, I made a big choice that is going to definitely already has taken me out of my comfort zone. So I think I've talked about this a little bit before, but my son is five, five and a half, and I've been a stay-at-home mom full-time since he was probably about four to six months old. And while I helped launch my husband's plumbing company and really get that going and still hop in here and there, my primary day job is raising this human. And here he is, just graduated preschool, moving up to kindergarten. He's becoming more and more independent. And with those few hours that he is spending outside of the home, I told myself, you know, I really want to find some fulfillment. I want to serve people. I have served in different, I've had different service jobs working at a gym as a receptionist and becoming a certified personal trainer. Didn't get to do a whole lot of the training before I left there and went to work for an insurance company in auto claims. And so that was heavily service-based. Um, and then of course, with Copperhead, with our plumbing company, I was answering the phones and getting to serve the community in that way. So I made the choice this last week to challenge myself in a way that is going to get me thinking outside of the box and hopefully build a really freaking cool legacy for my family and take some of the pressure off of my husband, not because he needed me to or asked me to, but because I think it's really good to do something scary, provide yourself with a challenge and see if you have what it takes. Worst you can do is fail and then do something else. So, what was that choice? Um, I signed up for a six-month mentorship course that is going to help me build and launch an online business along with programs that I can work with clients. And I'm still getting clarity on what exactly my niche is and what I'll be offering, but it's freaking scary to put yourself out there. And let me just say, it's even scarier to put yourself out there when you have essentially been hiding under a rock inside the four walls of your home for like the better part of five years. So, um, how do we move through that, right? So I'm just gonna kind of give like the mental roller coaster that I was on. I had been following this lady. I've spoken about her on the podcast before, Missy Bunch, for over a year. I've listened to her podcast. I've consumed a lot of the free media that she has put out on Instagram, and I just get a super good vibe, right? So I think to myself, man, I would love to kind of emulate that same sort of energy, but I really struggle with um showing up authentically online and not having it feel like it's a performance. That's like something I'm allergic to, is I'm not trying to perform. I'm trying to just be myself. And however it's received is how it's received, but I want my intention to, you know, be crystal clear when I put content out there. So I took a free masterclass and was learning exactly how to show up authentically online that she hosted. And I knew that she was doing this six-month course and it was a pretty good investment, six months, you know, time and money. And I thought, man, I think I can do this, but also like I started listing, like we do, all of the reasons why I couldn't. Well, you know, my son needs me, my family needs me, my house needs me. I don't know if I have what it takes. Who am I? Who's gonna want to learn anything from me? I don't have letters behind my name and blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, Chloe, chill. Just calm down for a second. Think about what could happen if you do this, even though you're scared. And I thought to myself, okay, well, I would love to expand upon the freedom lifestyle that my husband and I are trying to create for our family and help bring in some money so that we can travel, so that we can provide our family with memories and experiences, so that we can give back and give to people that we see that are in need without even thinking about it instead of feeling helpless in situations where we're like, man, I wish there was something that I could do. And so I was like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna push through this thing, I'm gonna do it, right? I flash forward, do a one-on-one call with her. I decided not to invest in the six month month program and instead just do like a one-time business coaching call. So I get on the call and then I realize, girl, you don't even have a business. Like, what am I doing? I have an Instagram page that I started, which is Chloe being human. And I mention that a lot of the end of my episodes here. But like, that's not a business. I have this vision of it becoming one one day. But what am I doing on a business coaching call? And again, I'm like, you know what? I've been consuming her media. I know that she's good for it. I know that this is what she offers. So I get in front of her and I regurgitate everything that I just said to you. I'm not this, I'm not that. I'm kind of scared. And she's like, perfect. And I'm like, yeah, what? So anyway, by the end of the call, I was amped up. I felt confident again that I could figure this out and that even though I didn't have super crystal clarity just yet, that I would find that if I could just lock in. And that's the hardest bit to do when again, like not just have I been under the rock in the four walls of my home for the last five years, but the life of a stay-at-home mom, while it's very routine, it's also unstructured, meaning I don't have anywhere to be at 8 a.m. every day to clock in. I don't have meetings and deadlines and things of that nature. I'm just making meals and cleaning the house. And those are very important things, but I haven't been as regimented in the last five years. And that's kind of the magic, is I've been able to just find a flow for my life and tap into myself in a way that I think a lot of people are craving to reconnect with themselves. And I was like, well, how did I even do that? And how can I, you know, step out of that and into a more regimented lifestyle again? And I thought, I know what to do. I need to make this investment of my time and my money. I need to take this seriously and really apply everything that I've been learning on my own personal journey in the last few years and help those other people because I was that person when I had gone through the psycho-spiritual awakening that I talk about in the beginning of the podcast. I was, you know, again, creator putty, right? I was in my putty. I was my GUI center in this little cocoon, trying to figure things out, wishing for literally anyone to throw me a life draft, life raft, turn on their lighthouse for me to go toward and give me the freaking answers. And that's not what I'm trying to do. I don't want to be anybody's guru or authority, but I want to share what I have learned and be a support system and build a community. So, what better way to do that than to challenge myself to literally build something from the ground up with the help of somebody who is walking the same path and is further ahead than myself on exactly the path I'm trying to walk. So I do this call. I'm all amped up. I'm like, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it. And I commit. I purchase the course, I'm like, I'm gonna do this thing. And then, oh my gosh. Um, and then my brain kicked on, and I was like, what are you doing? What are you doing? Do you know how much money you just spent? Do you know how much time that this is gonna take? Do you know how much has to change in your life? What if you don't have enough to give to your husband and your son? All the things. And we all do it. That's my point, is we all try to um I don't know, like we all discount ourselves. We all think that we don't have what it takes. We all feel like imposters at the beginning. And I think that so many people are afraid to be seen trying that they give up before they even get started, or they create all these mental hurdles and hypothetical situations about why they can't do the thing that is on their heart. And I say this all the time, but those dreams and those visions were put in your head and your heart for a reason. Like, what if they were put on your head and in your heart because you are the person with the exact energy imprint, with the exact skill set, with the exact knowledge to make those things happen? And what if when you do those things and you lock in and you commit and you start doing the things, not only do you become more confident and grow into that person that you envision yourself being, but what if it makes other people turn their heads, not in the way that you're seeking gratification and external validation, but in the way that you light other people up. Dude, that's my whole goal. Like that quote, we rise by lifting others, can't tell you who said it, goes through my head on a weekly basis. Like every time that I learn something new, I am excited to share it with my best friend, with my husband, with my mom, with my sister, with whoever in my circle will listen because I love to be a perpetual student. And so I'm like, man, I'm excited. Like I want to rise by lifting others. And part of that means that I have to rise. So, what does it take to rise? Now, here's where we get into the meat and potatoes of the episode, and I can see that we are almost 12 minutes in here. So let's boil it down. What happens when you stop outrunning your feelings and your fears and you just let them be for a second? Because I think that it's in trying to outrun them, to shove them down, to pretend like you've got it all together or pretend like you're fine, not be a burden to other people. That's where ironically, you do become a burden to other people. You do project your own insecurities and you do stop yourself from going for broke and doing the thing. My son has been doing this thing lately where, like, when he's upset, he'll tell me, I'm not happy. He'll say that to me and my husband, I'm not happy. And I'm like, okay, you like you don't have to be happy all the time, you know? But what I started doing just in the like the last two days, and I just started asking him, What are you then? And he repeated himself last night. This happened. Mom, I'm not happy. Okay, what are you? I'm not happy. No, I I know what you're not, what you're not feeling. What are you feeling? Well, I'm just not happy. Okay. Are you sad? Are you mad? Are you scared? Are you nervous? You know, if you can tell me what you are, then we have somewhere to start, something to work with. And it's the same for us. Sometimes we know when we feel bad. What does bad mean? That's so objective, right? Like I feel bad. What what do you feel bad about? And how does that feel physiologically inside your skin? When we stop outrunning those things and just make the make it a point to notice them, then we can start to equip ourselves with the tools to clean up on aisle three when shame shows up again. So let me ask you a question. You know how modern day vehicles, like when you get in your car or truck and you're driving like at dusk, and then your automatic headlights kick in. How does your vehicle know when to turn the lights on? Well, because it is in the presence of darkness. It's got these sensors and it knows when to turn the light on. So, what I want to do is resensitize our sensors, get in touch with our feelings so that when we pre sense the presence of what we might perceive to be darkness, anything that's uncomfortable is going to fall under the umbrella of darkness here. Okay. So whether that is negativity that is coming from inside of us, negativity that is coming from the voices of our past, of people that have said things to us that made us feel less than, um, whether we come up against somebody else's negativity or choices that we don't agree with, or whatever the case may be, that we can instead of becoming reactive, right, and joining in that darkness because it clicks on our negativity and we want to fight against it, instead we turn our light on, like that light that comes from within you, again, that inner spark. I think of that MLK Jr. quote, darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that. And I think about physics and the law of resonance and how when a lower vibrational frequency comes in contact with a higher vibrational frequency, the lower will rise to meet the higher. I think about psychology and how it tells us that we become a reflection of the five people that we interact the most with. Right? We are one with everything around us from a vibrational energetic standpoint. So if we can attune ourselves to the senses of our soul, to our individual spark of light, then we can use that and harness that to create exactly the kind of life that we came here to live. Because I don't know about you, but I didn't come here to play small. And there have been many times in my life, many experiences that I've had that have made me feel puny. And that's not anybody else's fault per se, whether or not somebody said something to me, kicked me while I was down, whatever, maybe I perceived that everybody else in the room were giants and I was, you know, this tiny little troll, whatever the case may be. I'm telling you that after spending five years under a rock in the four walls of my home, reading countless books, consuming countless podcasts while I'm cleaning my house, and raising this little person and recognizing and understanding the gravity of the importance of teaching him to believe in himself so that he can get ahead in this life and make a difference in this world. That's that's my first legacy, is the child that I'm raising. But I want to ignite something in you. I want to ignite your spark to come back on. And from there, what you choose to do with it is totally up to you. So, what I'm asking of you is to tune in a little bit more frequently. Let's start to microdose wellness. How do we make this easy? Put it in a bite-sized little snack. I'm gonna give three steps. They're simple, but that doesn't mean they're easy to implement, but we're going for consistency over perfection. Step one, start to notice when you are feeling bad. Be more specific. Okay, notice and be specific. What am I feeling right now? I'm feeling bad, I'm feeling shameful, I'm feeling um less than, I'm feeling insufficient. And then ask yourself, okay, what can I do about it right now? How can I start speaking to myself differently? Or what action can I take to counteract this feeling? Not to make it go away, but to actually transform it into something that is going to fuel me and work for me instead of against me. Okay. So step one is notice what you're feeling, be specific. And then step two is start to come up with your tool bag, your toolkit, whatever you want to call it, to pull from in those moments so that next time that you feel like you're scared out of your wits and you are in a functional freeze, then you tell yourself, I know what to do with this. I've been here before. All I need to do is go for a jog. I need to go for a chat with a friend. I need to go for a drive and screen sing my favorite song and step away from whatever this thing is so that I can come back to it with a little bit of clarity. Okay. So step two, give yourself some space to sit with what you've just noticed and start building your toolkit to pull from because we're going for consistency, not perfection. If we have a plan, we know what to do when things start to go off the rails. And then step number three is what do you actually do with that energy? Okay, you've got this toolkit, you know how to soothe those feelings. So, for example, for me, I noticed that I was feeling like I didn't have what it took, and I was feeling fear. So I knew that what I needed to do was talk to a couple people in my circle that could remind me who the heck I was. And then I needed to give myself a little bit of breathing room, put it on the shelf for a second, don't obsess over it, stop trying to fight against it. I need to work out. Okay. So I moved my body. I took my son for a swim. And then what's next? Step three was for me taking aligned action because that's what's in my toolkit. And once I took that aligned action, guess what? I'm excited again. I'm confident again. I know that I'm gonna come up against those feelings again on this journey of uh-oh, I don't know what to do now, or ah, I just tried something publicly and fell flat on my face, and now I'm feeling shameful or whatever. Okay, let's go back to the drawing board, reach back in the tool bag. What do I have that can soothe this feeling? How can I give myself a little bit of space to let this feeling breathe instead of fighting against it? And then how can I express that or take an aligned action to counteract that? And this speaks to neuroplasticity, which I talk about in episode 15, our naturally occurring superpower. The more that we consistently feed our brain new thoughts or engage in new patterns of behavior, the more naturally those habits start to form and those neural pathways start to put a groove in our brain that is healthier and again working for us instead of against us. Because here's what I'll tell you: when we don't know how to do better, we will 10 times out of 10 act out what is familiar. Think about it. If you can think of a recent example where you showed up in a way that didn't feel like it was in alignment with who you know yourself to be at your core, what fueled that behavior that was out of alignment? Was it a past experience or something that somebody said to you, an old belief that you have about yourself? Because when we don't know how to act better, do better, we will 10 times out of 10 act out what is familiar. So that means it's actually again simple but not easy. We just have to break the loop, give it room to breathe, and have something to counteract that so that we can recalibrate and get into aligned action with who we know ourselves to be. Do it over and over again. That's life, baby. It's a cycle, it's a circle. So every time that you come up against a similar challenge, do the same steps. And there you have it. Steps one, two, three, and maybe four. To recap. Notice. Give it room to breathe. Be specific about what you're feeling. Start introducing new thoughts or patterns of behavior through action that counteract those feelings and transform the energy you are feeling on the inside. Learn the lesson and know what to do with this new energy that you've just transformed out of the muck and mud. That is your magic. It is in your story. Do not deny yourself the negative, bad, yucky feelings, because it is in those things that you can harness the power of your story, of your lived experience, and therefore create the life you want and be a shining example to other people of what is possible. You have what it takes. You were born with what it takes. You just need to reconnect to that. So let's do it together. Thank you for listening. I am going to go back to what I was doing before this and start watching the group call from my business coaching course so that I can get caught up. I have my first official meeting one-on-one tomorrow. So you'll be noticing some changes on my Instagram. Again, that's at chloe.being.human. And I would love to have you see me trying, even if that means you see me failing. Anyway, have a fantastic rest of your day. See good, be good. And we will chat again, hopefully, next week.