Invisible Control: How Technology Enables Domestic Violence

In this eye-opening episode of Essentially Soulful, Betty and co-host Dr. DeeAnna Merz Nagel uncover the hidden world of digital abuse—where everyday technology becomes a tool of control. From keylogging and GPS tracking to social media surveillance and smart-home manipulation, DeeAnna explains how abusers exploit digital platforms to maintain power long after physical separation.

Listeners will learn how to recognize digital red flags, understand “invisible persistence,” and take practical steps toward digital and emotional safety. DeeAnna also shares vital guidance for helping professionals—therapists, coaches, and advocates—on how to support survivors without compromising online safety.

Key Topics:

• The rise of digital surveillance in domestic violence
• Technology audits and safety planning
• Digital anxiety and its psychological toll
• Safe use of devices, social media, and communication platforms
• Professional ethics in digital support work

Resources Mentioned:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)   1-800-787-3224 (TTY)  https://www.thehotline.org/ 
• International Resources: https://www.hotpeachpages.net/
• DeeAnna’s course: Guiding Domestic Violence Victims: Safety Concerns and Considerations https://deeannamerznagel.com/guiding-domestic-violence-victims-safety-concerns-and-considerations/

Closing Note:
Technology can harm, but it can also heal. Learn how to use it as a lifeline instead of a weapon.

Essential Soul Care® Academy

https://deeannamerznagel.com/essential-soul-care-academy/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Essentially Soulful. I'm Betty. Today we're exploring a critical but often overlooked aspect of domestic violence, how the technology we use every day can become a hidden threat. Joining me is co-host Deanna Nagel, with years of experience teaching therapists, coaches, and advocates how to offer domestic violence support. Welcome, Deanna.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Thank you, Betty. This is such an important topic that affects so many people, often in ways they don't even realize.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

You know, when we think about domestic violence, we often picture physical threats. But you've mentioned that technology has created new forms of control. Could you elaborate on that?

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Sure. The digital world has created what can be called an invisible persistence in abuse. Think about it. Our phones, our laptops, our social media accounts, these are tools we use to connect with others, but in the wrong hands, they become sophisticated instruments of surveillance and control. That's quite concerning.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

What are some common ways this digital abuse manifests?

SPEAKER_00 1:03

One of the most prevalent methods is through keylogging software. It's marketed as parental control software, but abusers can use it to monitor every keystroke their victim makes. Passwords, messages, emails, everything.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

That sounds incredibly invasive. How would someone even know if they're being monitored this way?

SPEAKER_00 1:22

That's part of what makes it so dangerous. It's often completely invisible. Sometimes the only sign might be that the abuser seems to know things they shouldn't, like private conversations or plans being made.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

That's particularly troubling because these are devices we rely on daily. Beyond keylogging, what other technological threats should people be aware of?

SPEAKER_00 1:45

GPS tracking is another major concern. Many people don't realize that their location can be tracked not just through their phone's GPS, but through apps, photos they post, even their car's navigation system.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Right, and I imagine social media plays a role here too.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Oh yes. Social media can be a goldmine of information for abusers. Even something as simple as a friend tagging you at a location or posting a photo with you in the background can compromise safety. And then there's the aspect of using social media for harassment or monitoring.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

This raises an important question. How do we balance staying connected in today's digital world while maintaining safety?

SPEAKER_00 2:25

That's really the central challenge. I often tell people that digital safety buttons or quick exit features are like a temporary shield, not an invisibility cloak. They're helpful but not foolproof. Could you explain what you mean by that analogy? Sure. Take browser history, for instance. Even if someone uses a quick exit feature on a domestic violence support website, there might still be traces in their browser history, cache data, or even in their internet service provider's logs.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

That's why I've heard some professionals recommend using public computers, like at libraries?

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Yes, but even that needs to be approached carefully. Public computers can have their own risks. Keyloggers can be physically installed, and public Wi-Fi isn't always secure. We typically recommend a three-month safety window where we don't offer online services if someone has recently experienced victimization.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

Three months seems like a long time when someone's seeking help. What's the reasoning behind that recommendation?

SPEAKER_00 3:26

That window allows time for proper safety planning. During the initial separation period, surveillance is often at its most intense. Rushing into online services during this critical period can put people at increased risk.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

So, what alternatives do you recommend during this high-risk period?

SPEAKER_00 3:44

In-person services are crucial during this time. Local organizations provide secure physical spaces for support. It's also when we help people conduct thorough technology audits, checking devices for tracking software, reviewing privacy settings, and sometimes even replacing compromised devices entirely.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

You mentioned technology audits. Could you walk us through what that process looks like?

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Of course. Start with the basics. Check phone settings, particularly location services and app permissions. Look for apps that might have been installed without the person's knowledge. But it's not just about finding harmful software. It's about understanding how their everyday technology use might be creating vulnerabilities.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Can you give us an example of that?

SPEAKER_00 4:32

Sure. Many people don't realize that their cloud storage might be sinking across multiple devices, some of which they may no longer have access to. Or that their smart home devices, thermostats, doorbell cameras, even smart speakers, might be controlled by accounts they don't have sole access to.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

That's fascinating and concerning. It seems like the smart features that make our lives more convenient can also create these unexpected risks.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

Exactly. And what makes this particularly challenging is that these technologies are often deeply embedded in our daily routines. Asking someone to completely disconnect isn't practical or helpful in today's world.

SPEAKER_01 5:12

Speaking of which, I'm curious about the psychological impact of this kind of digital abuse. How does knowing you might be monitored affect someone's mental health?

SPEAKER_00 5:23

The psychological impact is profound. This constant surveillance creates digital anxiety. People begin to second-guess every online interaction, every click, every message. It's like living with an invisible audience watching your every move.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

That must create an enormous amount of stress. How does this digital anxiety manifest in daily life?

SPEAKER_00 5:44

People develop hyper-vigilant behaviors, constantly checking their digital footprints, becoming afraid to use social media, or even basic things like online banking.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

And I imagine this anxiety doesn't just disappear once they're physically safe from their abuser.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

No, it often doesn't. The digital world can make it feel like there's no true escape. Even years later, many survivors struggle with trusting technology or feeling secure online. It's why we emphasize not just physical safety planning, but digital and emotional safety planning as well.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Could you talk more about what digital and emotional safety planning looks like?

SPEAKER_00 6:22

It's a comprehensive approach, creating new digital boundaries, teaching them about encryption, secure passwords, and privacy settings, but addressing the emotional aspect, helping them rebuild confidence in using technology in a way that feels safe and empowering.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Are there specific strategies you found particularly effective?

SPEAKER_00 6:43

Start small, maybe setting up a new email account with strong security measures, then gradually progress to more complex digital safety practices. Each successful step helps rebuild confidence.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

That reminds me, what advice do you have for professionals who work with survivors? How can they ensure they're not inadvertently compromising their clients' digital safety?

SPEAKER_00 7:06

This is crucial. Professionals need to understand that even well-intentioned digital communication can put clients at risk. We recommend always assuming that any digital communication might be monitored. Use secure platforms, avoid sending sensitive information electronically, and always discuss safety planning before sharing any digital resources.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Are there any emerging technologies or trends that particularly concern you?

SPEAKER_00 7:32

The rise of smart home technology is particularly concerning. These devices can be used to exert control over someone's environment remotely, changing temperatures, locking doors, monitoring movements. And now there are reports of increased abuse through cryptocurrency tracking and digital financial control.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

That's a great point about financial control. It seems like digital abuse often intersects with other forms of control?

SPEAKER_00 7:59

Yes. Digital abuse rarely exists in isolation. It's usually part of a larger pattern of control that might include financial abuse, emotional abuse, and physical threats. The digital aspect just makes these other forms of control more pervasive and harder to escape.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

As we wrap up, what's the most important message you'd like our listeners to take away from this conversation?

SPEAKER_00 8:22

The most important thing to remember is that while technology can be used as a weapon, it can also be a lifeline when used safely. Don't let fear of technology isolate you. There are ways to use technology safely, and there are professionals who can help you navigate digital safety.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Thank you, Deanna, for listeners who might need support. Where can they find reliable help?

SPEAKER_00 8:44

The U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24-7, and their website has a quick escape button and doesn't track visitors. Local domestic violence organizations also have trained professionals who understand digital safety. Remember, always use safe computers or devices when reaching out. For professionals, I offer a 10-hour course guiding domestic violence victims, safety concerns, and considerations. I'll place a link to the course and additional domestic violence resources in the show notes.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

This has been such an informative discussion. Thank you for sharing your expertise with us today, Deanna.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Thank you, Betty. And to anyone listening who might be experiencing digital abuse, you're not alone, and there are people who understand and can help.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

And that wraps up today's episode of Essentially Soulful. Remember to follow us for more important conversations. Stay safe, everyone.