EP 29: Join A Church Where You’re Stationed; Commit Where You Live

Orders change. Community doesn’t have to. We tackle the quiet logic that keeps military families on the margins of church life—“we’re not here long,” “we’re still members back home,” “we’ll commit once it’s a perfect fit”—and show how those stories drain your spiritual health. Drawing on Acts 2, Corinthians, and years of moving between bases, we make a clear, practical case for joining a faithful local church where you actually live, even if you’ll be packing boxes again next summer.

We unpack what meaningful membership is and isn’t: not a spreadsheet line, but a two-way promise where shepherds know your name, leaders apply Scripture to your real context, and friends notice when you disappear. We name the grief of leaving beloved congregations and offer a healthier path than comparison shopping. You’ll hear how accountability and fellowship guard your heart, how Titus 2 relationships help families thrive, and why using your spiritual gifts requires a defined body—not just podcasts and livestreams.

We also speak directly to pastors and church planters near military installations: don’t sideline service members. Invite them into real responsibility, train them, and send them strong. Networks like the Praetorian Project make it easier to plug in quickly across duty stations, sustain growth, and carry gospel momentum from base to base. Walk away with a short list of priorities for choosing a church, a plan to join sooner rather than later, and the courage to push through the first-visit awkwardness for long-term good.

If this helped you reset your approach to church and community, share it with a friend on your base, hit follow, and leave a review so others can find it. Then pick a church to visit this Sunday and take your first step toward being counted and known.

Transcript

Opening Banter And Big Question

SPEAKER_03 0:22

All right. Welcome back to another episode. I am Brian O'Day. And I am moving a plant and I am getting all sorts of crazy looks. That's my wife, Kelly, encouraging me as always. And our good friends Joshua and Britney Brown. Hey y'all.

SPEAKER_04 0:45

Hey.

SPEAKER_03 0:46

Today's episode is a question. Should I join in membership of a local church in my military community?

SPEAKER_02 0:57

Yes. That's a good question.

SPEAKER_03 0:58

Yes. All right. Good episode, guys. Thank y'all so much for listening. We'll see you next week. But, you know, people don't do it. So why? Why do we what do we tell ourselves? Why do we not join in membership with a local church?

SPEAKER_02 1:18

I think one of the main things that comes up in in people's minds is military. We're transient. We're moving all the time. We're only going to be here for a short period of time. These are like little lies we tell ourselves of why it's not important to join with the local church. So they we show up to a a space. We are renting a house because we don't want to buy in the area because we're only going to be there for a short period of time. We don't buy a lawnmower because we're only going to be there for a short period of time and then we have to move it. We don't buy a chainsaw because like there's all those little things that people who live in a space who stay there for a long time and are indwelt there and put down roots, they start to like do that with their purchases and with their relationships. And a lot of them do this with their church as well. And so they just hang out in a church for a little while, or maybe even bounce around the churches for a little while and then leave because they they believe just because they're there for a short period of time, it's not that important.

SPEAKER_03 2:22

Yeah. So we're we're in a transient life. The military lifestyle is a transient lifestyle. And so we we become just transient in all of our minds. Yeah, absolutely. So it's just part of that, the air we breathe. Why else?

SPEAKER_00 2:37

I think another excuse that I hear is well, I'm a member at my church back home.

SPEAKER_04 2:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

I'm a member at my church back home. That's where I tie, that's who I'm connected to. And I I hear your heart in that, but it sounds good. It's not he can't shepherd you from 25 states away and speak into where you're at in your life. There's so many. I and we're not asking why you should not think that. But I I think that's a big one when that I hear.

SPEAKER_03 3:08

So there's I think and and so there's some good aspects of what you're talking about. Like if you grew up in church and you that church loved you well, and you see that as your church home, and they still care for you and love you, and you were the kid in the youth group that went off and joined the military, right? And there's some affection there, that is all good. We're not saying there's anything bad about that.

SPEAKER_04 3:31

Right.

SPEAKER_03 3:32

What we are saying is that is not your local church that is genuinely invested in your life and you in one another's lives. And so, yeah, that like that longing for back home, that longing for that church home back there, that is that's a very common reason.

Consumer Checklists And Perfect-Church Myths

SPEAKER_02 3:51

That's and to make a note on that too, the the pastor of that church loves you dearly, I get it, but he cannot speak into your current state and where you're living, what you're doing as a military member or a military spouse. And this happens all the time with like those online churches that are out there in the big uh like mega churches or your favorite pastor you like to listen to online. Yes, they're preaching through scripture, but they are not able to preach and teach into your current where you're at in your life. When when pastors are bringing forth the word, they are expositing that word and explaining what it's saying and talking about its applications. Those applications can also be specific to where you live and your current stage of life. So to just take that at face value, you have to be a part of a locale, local church that is takes that into consideration.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

So those all those things can be augments to what the primary should be membership in a local church. That's right. That's right. What other reasons do we have?

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Sometimes maybe your priorities aren't like clear before you go into it, or you're just going at it as like a consumer, trying to find that perfect fit. Oh when first of all, there's not going to be, you know, everything aligns when you go like our our kids' needs are met. Our, you know, like we like the youth group, we like the child care, we like the music, we like it's I think a I just hear that a lot. Like, well, this is not I don't know. It's just which I think you do need to have priorities. You need a like biblically sound Bible teaching church. Right. You know, that's that definitely should be your priority, but sometimes some unrealistic expectations, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 5:44

Yeah, that's good. So I think you hit on two things. One is that like quest for perfection of like, well, my needs are different. I have the opp like it's just this paralysis by analysis of like, okay, well, we we've created this list and and we we show up to church primarily as critics. And when it's for us, it's for like so we're showing up and we're like, okay, I need then and we're like, all right, I need the children's ministry to be amazing, and I need the preaching to be amazing, and I need the music to be amazing, and I need but it should really feel like home, and yet they should also have every single ministry known to mankind, and yet whatever right, and so we just create this unrealistic expectation, not with which there's no perfect churches, there's no churches that are gonna hit everything on your list, and honestly, your list might not even be great, and so yeah, that's that's huge.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Not to mention the culture of the area you live in is different depending on where you're so even if you're moving from one military base to another, Southern California is very different than North Carolina, right? Very different cultural contexts that happen. So the priorities in those churches do different things than other different things, and the primary teaching pastor is is a different personality.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

The leadership of that church, the pastors, the elders of that church are different than the ones that you came from. And so they're gonna feel different. Honestly, some of our frustrations with the new church that we're a part of is just it's different than it was. And so we're really just grieving that we left the church we grew up in or the church we just moved from from another military community. And so part of it is just genuine grieving. I I loved my last church and I miss it. Like that's okay. Like you can grieve that. We just talked about lamentation a few weeks ago. Like that's appropriate, that's part of the ongoing lamentation and grieving of the military experience, right? But don't let that callous you from joining a local church. Yeah. Any other reasons why we don't join local churches in the military context?

Authority, Accountability, And Commitment

SPEAKER_00 8:00

In the military context. I I mean, this could be all context, but definitely in the military context, I see sometimes it's a problem with authority and structure. And you just don't want to have that accountability in your life, and you think you can do it, you know, on your own. You can just come, like Kelly was saying, be a consumer, participate, and you don't really need to be known.

SPEAKER_03 8:25

Because membership is a commitment. I'm here for this season. This is my church. I'm committing to the church, the church is committing to me. That's what we're talking about when we talk about membership. There's this mutual commitment between one another, and that's scary.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

Well, we live in a comitophobic culture. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:49

So we believe that commitment is better than being a perpetual shopper. Yeah. We believe commitment. So in marriage, which we just talked about last time, well commitment, marriage is better than perpetual dating.

SPEAKER_04 9:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:07

Membership in a local church is better than perpetual church shopping. And so commit, and it's a two-way commitment.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

Have you ever heard the saying a good plan now is better than the best plan later?

SPEAKER_03 9:19

Yeah. I think that's Maddis, actually. Yeah. There you go. The 80% plan violently executed now is I think how he starts that quote. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

And he got it from some World War II guy.

SPEAKER_03 9:31

Yeah, probably. Or and they all get it from oh, who's the German?

SPEAKER_02 9:34

Well, I've got to No, even before that, I think it was stated by one of George Washington's generals back, you know, when he crossed the Delaware or something like that. Anyway, we're getting into history again.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

Why do we mean we do not join local churches?

New Believers Who Don’t Know Membership

SPEAKER_02 9:51

I think there's a population of young people out there who joined the military and don't know. Right. Because, like you said, little Johnny grew up in Ohio or Iowa or wherever they're from, you know, going to the same church their entire life and spend the same church that daddy went to and granddaddy went to, and and then they join the military, they leave, they show up here in Camp Lejeune, North Carolina on a Marine Corps base, and then they go, I've never thought about what membership even what is that? Because we've never had to do that before. Absolutely. All the people in my church were born and raised there from where I'm from. So what does church membership look like when you move to a new place? They just don't know where to start.

SPEAKER_03 10:39

Don't know. Yeah. And there's even some cultural, like Christian cultural things that, you know, well, it's my relationship with Jesus. And, you know, I was saved. Some of you were maybe saved at boot camp and in a real emotional experience, and you just don't know any better. And so it's just like this was a thing that me and God did, and I now call myself a Christian, and I put Christian on my dog tags, but I don't really know what that means. And so let's let's speak to that. So why should why should someone join a local church that maybe is like I this is crazy? I almost didn't even listen to this podcast because it's so preposterous that I would even think of doing such a thing. So we're talking to Christians. Why would a Christian join a local church? Then I actually want to say, why should a non-Christian check one out?

Biblical Foundations From Acts And Corinthians

SPEAKER_02 11:32

Can I start with a scriptural jump in, man? Just would really be helpful, I think. And that's Acts chapter two to get you up to speed so I don't just pull this out of context. Acts chapter one is Jesus ascending into heaven and he's giving commandments to the disciples as he's leaving, saying, Hey, be my witnesses in Judea and Samaria, or to Jerusalem, Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. And then he says that this helper is going to come, being the Holy Spirit, and it's going to indwell man, right? And so day of Pentecost happens, this Holy Spirit shows up on scene. Peter goes out and preaches a message, and he's basically telling people they need to believe, repent, believe, and get baptized. And then thousands of people then respond to that. I'm going to pick up in verse 41. I'm sorry, verse 40 of Acts chapter 2. It says, And with many other words he bore witness and it continued to exhort them, saying, Save yourselves from this crooked generation. So those who received his word were baptized, and they were added that day about 3,000 souls. And most people stop there and they're like, Oh, a bunch of people got saved. Great. The Holy Spirit indwelt them. They're going about doing their thing, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 12:48

But the very next verse Can I interject for a moment? Please. Somebody counted. Somebody knew that there was three thousand. Even if that's an estimation, it's three thousand. They were added to a number, which there's a number in Acts chapter one, 120 persons, about 120 persons. Now that number is 3,000. So there you can't add numbers that you can't define. Yeah. Add the sum to a little more. You can't do it. Right. And so there is some specificity in the scriptures that if you just add like our cultural, yeah, add some with a little bit more, you're you're just you're left with nonsense. And so there is some specificity. So yeah, keep going. And then what are these 3,000 people doing?

SPEAKER_02 13:40

Because those are the local churches being formed, but while they're being attached to the universal church, we can get in that different time. But then as soon as that happens, the very next paragraph is a whole paragraph explaining the church being the church together, devoting themselves to the teaching, breaking of bread together, praying together, coming together with the apostles, having things in common, loving each other well with generous hearts, giving to the Lord, like just wonderful things that the local church does in a community of people that happens as soon as salvation and baptism happen. These people come together and become and do and be the church in their locale.

SPEAKER_03 14:25

Okay. So there's no you jump to the scriptures. I asked the question, why should we join a local church? You jumped into the Bible and you didn't read a sentence that said, Thou shalt join in membership to their local church, right? Because if you haven't read the whole Bible yet, it's not, it's not there. Thou shalt join in membership, be on a spreadsheet, be in the church management software of your local church. That's not there. But we are advocating that our the way we apply the truths in scripture, the best way to do so is to join, to commit to a local church and invite that church to commit to you. That's good.

How Membership Works Without A Proof Text

SPEAKER_02 15:08

Yeah, it's one of those things that I believe scripture thought believes that it was so obvious that it was happening, it didn't need to actually spell it out because it's it all the all the characters in scripture, everything that's happening, they're they're assuming that this is already this is this is there.

SPEAKER_03 15:28

Yes. Throughout scripture, there are people being talked about as being in and being out of the people of God in the New Testament. There there's instructions of removing someone from the congregation. How can you remove someone from an undefined congregation? There, there's all sorts of there's submitting to our leaders in Hebrews. How are we to submit to our leaders if we just get to, you know, if we just pick whatever leader we want to at a given time? Like, oh, I listen to this podcast and I listen to this guy and his sermons and I watch this YouTube channel and whatever else. Like we just kind of submit to whatever we want to. That's not actually submitting. Right. The leaders can't obey the scripture because they don't know who the flock is, right? It's just like, well, you know, Johnny and Sally showed up to church for five straight Sundays and then they disappeared. Well, how do I know to go chase Johnny and Sally if I don't know their name and I don't know if they're here or they just went to the church next door or they whatever the case is. And so this this two-way commitment is not able to happen.

Defined Community And Shepherding Care

SPEAKER_02 16:34

Yeah, and there's this there's this in the minutiae of scripture, you see this forming without them explicitly saying it. So for instance, first Corinthians starts like this Paul called by the will of God to be an apostle of Christ Jesus and our brother to the verse two to the church of God that is in Corinth to those sanctified in Christ Jesus. So this is a letter from Paul to the church of God that is in Corinth. So we're we see the church being in a local space. We have to know who those people are in that local space for this letter to be read to them. And they have to be in Christ Jesus. So this is there's there's so many aspects to this, but we have to see that these letters are actually two churches. So there had to be churches formed for them to be written to.

SPEAKER_03 17:29

So we're definitely making a little bit of a defense for why membership generally is a good thing for churches to do. But what are the benefits? Like, why should I, as an individual Christian, commit to a local church? What what benefits are there for me and for my brothers and sisters in Christ?

Fellowship, Protection, And Real Mentors

SPEAKER_01 17:50

Go ahead. I just think of the fellowship aspect, which helps with the accountability too, and just to spur one another on to the truth and to the Lord, you know, and also hold each other accountable, you know. I mean, to when you see your brother or sister straying or, you know, just like just having those real conversations and have I I think of like just our almost 22 years of being married and being a part of different churches, and just what a huge impact other, you know, my fellow church members, but my brothers and sisters in Christ that I lived life with and fellowshipped with, what an impact they made in my my faith and my walk with the Lord and just growing in knowledge and pointing me to the Lord when I was struggling, like just I don't know. I think that's like the biggest, one of the biggest spiritual protection. Just that community that is built to help you grow in the Lord because we can find communities.

SPEAKER_04 18:56

Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

I mean, it's not easy, actually. I feel like apart from the church, but it it may not be good communities, right?

SPEAKER_03 19:02

Yeah, there's you're you're probably you're either gonna isolate or you're gonna find some sort of community. What we're talking about is defined Christian community, and so we can look. I think we're we moved six times in 10 years of active duty, and so that's multiple churches, but we can look at seasons, and when we're thinking of our relationships during those seasons, we're thinking our Christian relationships, we're thinking of relationships in our church family, some of which have endured through through the seasons and through, you know, as far as like distant friendships, but a lot of those just were really impactful in our life, and we don't have an ongoing relationship. For for some reason, I started thinking of Jeff and Kathy uh when we were stationed in Oklahoma, and they were in just so invested in our lives, and hopefully we were somewhat helpful in their lives as well. But they were older than us, they were spiritual mentors to us. They just they loved us, they loved us so well during a really difficult season. And that wouldn't have happened if we just were perpetual visitors, if we showed up to church once every two months, if we try, you know, if we felt like we were part of three to five different churches in town, or we were just watching online, like we would miss out on that. Relationship with Jeff, Jeff and Kathy, that was really beneficial.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

And I want to say, in all of these, like to get there, you have to put yourself in situations that feel risky or even like weird and awkward showing up at a church for the first time, or even stepping out and going to maybe a women's event when you don't know one person.

SPEAKER_04 20:45

You know, like vulnerable.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Yeah. Just but man, that is but there's something so good in that, and just stepping out in faith in that that invites, you know, just but it's a long-term good, not a short-term good.

Risking Awkwardness For Long-Term Growth

SPEAKER_03 21:01

You know, last week we were talking about our phones or two weeks ago, whenever we were talking about. Uh we were talking about our phones, and that's a short-term hit of like, oh, that's interesting. Investing in a local church, that's gonna be long term, and you're gonna have to move through some awkwardness. Like, I'm gonna show up at somebody's house for a life group or community group. I'm gonna show up to the women's event. What are what are we supposed to wear? What are we doing? What's happening? I'm gonna show up to the men's breakfast and like what are the expectations? Are they gonna ask me weird questions? You know what I'm saying? Like, you're gonna have to overcome some of those things. Go ahead.

Sound Doctrine And Titus 2 Discipleship

SPEAKER_00 21:41

I think of the book of Titus, it's one of my favorite books, and it talks about teaching of sound doctrine and what is supposed to be taught. And it goes through like the different categories of people within the church. There's older men and younger men, there's older women and younger women, and then like what they're to be teaching the church, how the church is to be protected, and these relationships, like you're talking about fellowship and community, Kelly, and like these relationships that have been built long term as you moved around, all these different aspects of it. I think about the church that we were saved in. Church membership was a big deal, and they taught about why it was so important. And I look at Titus and I see in Titus II the way those older women invested in my life as a young new believer. They they knew I was part of their congregation. You know, they they knew who I was, they knew who Joshua and I were, they knew what we were going through, and they taught the things of Titus II. So if when you ask, like, what are some reasons? I think you can learn sound doctrine from podcasts, you can learn sound doctrine from all these different places, but God has given a local church that understands those shepherds know who you are specifically. The for women, the older women in the church know who you are specifically. You're giving permission for them to speak into your life and for you to speak into others' lives. Those your favorite podcaster, like you can listen to us and we can speak into your life, but I don't know you personally. Some of you I might, I but some a lot of you I probably don't, and I can't speak to your specific situation.

Use Your Gifts Where You Actually Live

SPEAKER_03 23:12

Yeah. I think even so it's important to realize like as a Christian, the Lord Jesus has given me gifts, the Holy Spirit has gifted me for Ephesians four for building up the body of Christ. And so even though I'm in the military, which I know I'm not right now, but even when a person is in the military, you have spiritual gifts for the building up of the church. And if you're watching online, you're not doing that. If you're just mentally and emotionally attached to some previous church, you're not using your gifts in a church to build up that church. So if your gift is hospitality, you're not exercising that in and among the body of Christ. If your gift is teaching, you're not exercising that in and among the body of Christ in any kind of defined way. Any of your like, yeah, but I'm doing it, you're you're kind of recreating your own church culture and situation. Instead, like we have to be exercising our gifts. And I I would say one of my one of my goals in life is to encourage pastors and churches to realize that them sidelining military believers is a bad thing. And they actually need to fully engage military believers into their congregations. And so, but but I think it's it's a two-sided thing. A lot of times military believers sideline themselves in the life of the local church. Again, sometimes churches are sidelining people as well, but we we need to fix that and we need to change that. That military believers would invest in local churches, local churches would invest in military believers. It's a two-sided street. We all need to be doing our part.

SPEAKER_01 25:05

I want to say too, like, just to commend to you. You were good at that in our marriage. Like, I feel like we would you were pretty Yeah. Maybe I thought sometimes too quick for us to join.

SPEAKER_04 25:18

We joined fast.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

I know, like I remember one Sunday you we hadn't even talked about it, but you were like, let's go, we're gonna, and I was like, and you submitted to that. Yeah, that was good.

Don’t Sideline Military Believers

SPEAKER_03 25:28

And I'm I'm gonna and and honestly, no, that was not the best choice. That was a church that two years later we contemplated leaving because of some of the unhealth. And we actually decided to stay for the rest of that duty station to try to just continue to exercise our gifts and follow through on the commitment we had made. And so it doesn't always go great, but I I do. I'm uh I am a huge proponent of join and join quick. Yeah, with modern technology, I think you can worship with your new church family, your first or second Sunday on the ground in your new community.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

Yeah, we've seen it.

Join Fast, Even If It’s Imperfect

SPEAKER_02 26:08

Britney and I have had a very similar thing happen with us, I think, as we moved around and and joined different churches. And and being able to see the contrast between the different churches that were not interlinked with the military, you know, transient society compared to when we first found Pillar Church of Jacksonville and started being a part of a Praetorian Project church. There's so many benefits to that family of multiplying churches that is is so helpful because we would go from one church to another church prior to finding the project, and it was like trying to find out all these different churches, going to them all and visiting. And you you know your first couple of times you don't actually get the full sense of what the church is really about. So it takes a while, and then you're six months into a two-year testing. And you finally yeah, all of that is crazy. But when when our when we were part of Pillar Church of Jacksonville, and then we had to go up to the DC region for like three months, we were able to plug into churches up there that were other pillar churches, other Praetorian Project Churches for a period of time and then come back. We made relationships and met people that we then they got orders and moved down, and we were able to bring them into the fold here, and vice versa. We've had people move away from this area and then get orders back, and so they're able to just plug right back in. Like there's so many different awesome things that come with a project like that that I'm sure your guys' experience and our experience are now greatly benefiting being being able to give back to that. So it's it's it's wonderful.

SPEAKER_03 27:52

Yeah, so your church that you pastor, Pillar Church of Topsell, North Carolina, and then church that I pastor, Pillar Church of Jacksonville, North Carolina, outside of Camp Lejeune. We're part of the Praetorian Project, which is a family of multiplying churches in military communities worldwide. And one of our goals, one of our aims, and and we're you're you're doing it down there. You have three elders right now in your church, you and two other guys.

SPEAKER_02 28:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 28:20

We're bringing out one more here so getting ready to bring on another one. So the other two, you're a military veteran, the other two guys are active duty military. Well, one's getting ready to transition, but yeah, active duty. We have three elders at my church, two of us are military veterans, one is active duty military. Like we desire for military personnel to fully exercise their gifts and actually come all the way into leadership in the churches. And we believe it's possible, even if you're only here for two years, two and a half years, three years, six months, you're probably not gonna be an elder. But um, but with with some of the longer duty stations, you can actually become an elder, you can become a small group leader, you can become a deacon, you can do all of those things for the building up of the body of Christ.

Praetorian Project And Mobility Support

SPEAKER_02 29:06

Absolutely. And if for all the pastors out there who are that they see that as a struggle and it's difficult because they might just move away, you gotta think kingdom work. This is not just your locale, this is a kingdom mindset. And man, if if the government is training these guys and putting them in all these different austere conditions and getting them all geared up with all sorts of different capabilities, and then they have the gospel and then they have the Holy Spirit and they're learning, and then they learn how to exercise some of those giftings that they've cultivated in the military into the church. Man, it is a it's a pretty wonderful and awesome thing.

SPEAKER_03 29:46

Amen. So this week, go find if you've been like hanging out, you're in a new community, or or you, or maybe it's not a new community, you've waited way too long. Like, go check out a church this Sunday. If you search on your preferred search engine, how to find a church in my military community or something like that. I think you'll find an article I wrote on Praetorian Project.org. Uh, we'll link to it in the show notes. But go find a church in your military community, invest. If you've been attending a church, but just kind of hanging out on the fringes, invest, join in membership, find a way to exercise your spiritual gifts for the building up of that body in Christ. Let's do it this coming Sunday. You've got a few days to do some research and to make some tangible steps forward. Thank you all so much for joining us this week. We love you guys.