EP 51: Reflections on Life as a Military Kid; 2 New Special Guests Join Us Today

“Where are you from?” sounds like a simple small-talk question until you’ve moved every three years and your memories are tied to seasons, schools, and duty stations instead of one hometown. We wanted to hear the military kid perspective directly, so Brian O’Day sits down with Brittany Brown and two of her kids, Tatum and Titus, for an honest, funny, and surprisingly practical conversation about growing up in a military family.

They walk through the big PCS moves and explain when “military life” becomes a real memory for a child. The details that stick are not always the ones adults expect: kids may forget the packing chaos but remember a parent’s stress, the tone in the house, and what it felt like to leave friends behind. We also dig into what helps during transitions, from giving kids a sense of control to talking openly about loss, change, and the pressure parents carry too.

A major theme is identity. We talk about why labels like “military brat” can feel limiting, how rank culture can seep into family life, and what it looks like to raise kids who respect others without making the uniform the center of who they are. If you care about military family wellness, resilience, and healthier ways to handle moves, this one is for you.

If this conversation helps, subscribe, share it with a military parent or teen, and leave a review so more families can find it. What’s one thing you wish adults understood about military kids?

SHOW NOTES:

What questions or topics do you want us to discuss on the podcast? Email your ideas to hello@militarywellnesscollective.com

Looking for a local church? Check out these helpful websites:

1. Home - 9Marks

2. The Gospel Coalition (TGC)

Connect with our hosts:

Brian O'Day at Brian O'Day – The Christian Life, Military Service, and Adoptive Families all in one place.

Brittany Brown at Blog | brittanybrown

Pillar of Jacksonville

Pillar Church of Topsail - Home

Transcript

Welcome And Meet The Kids

SPEAKER_00 0:22

All right. Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of the Military Wellness Collective. My name's Brian O'Day. I'm going to be your host. I'm going to attempt to be your host today, but just so you know, we have another guest episode, and I am going to try to wrangle and orchestrate what I have in studio with us today. I am joined by a familiar voice, Brittany Brown.

SPEAKER_03 0:49

Hey y'all.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

Good friends of ours. And Tatum is with us. Her voice is familiar. She was on the last episode with Breley.

SPEAKER_04 0:58

A veteran.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Yes. She's a veteran podcaster, professional podcaster. Speaking of professionals, a professional entertainer, we also have Titus in studio with us. Hey guys. All right. And Titus and Tatum are Joshua and Brittany's children, and they have been with them through this military journey. So if you are a parent of children, if you are a military member or the spouse of a military member and you have kids, I think hearing their perspective is going to be really interesting. This also should be a fun one to listen to with the kids. Titus is one of the most fun people I know. And so I no pressure.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

Is it a really high bar? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Yeah, you're fun. It's hard for you not to be fun. Also, Joshua is in studio with us silently laughing off. Just make sure hopefully we have our volumes accurate. So reflections on life as a military kid. We also may speak to the parents a little bit, or we may get these military kids to speak to the parents a little bit. So Tatum, as the oldest child, would you just kind of map out from your perspective like the big moves of life, how old you were, some of those types of things.

SPEAKER_04 2:19

Yeah. So I feel like I don't

Mapping The Moves And Deployments

SPEAKER_04 2:22

know anything else because dad was a Marine from the time I was born. So moving was just like a way of life for us. So every three years basically we would move. The first move I did as a kid, I was a toddler, so I don't really remember that. We moved to North Dakota. That's where Titus was born. Vaguely, memories start to form in that time period of my life. And then from there we moved to North Carolina. That move I don't remember either. I was very young. From there on, military memories, I feel like, start to kind of form. I don't know how old was I in I mean, dad deployed when we got to North Carolina around when I was eight or nine.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

And I remember a little bit. Well, he had a deployment before that because Titus was turned three when we got here, so you would have been five. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or six, almost six.

SPEAKER_04 3:14

Yeah, so I think it's funny. Mom and I were talking about this the other day, like mapping out moving and like military life as a whole. It it was like an instability that was stable for us. I I think if I described it, it would sound dysfunctional, but somehow they made it functional. So I don't know. Are there any like specific things you want me to speak to on that?

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Yeah, so do you know how many moves you had? So like as a toddler, you're in North Dakota. Yeah, where do you go from there? And what age are you?

SPEAKER_04 3:46

Yeah, so from North Dakota, I think you said I was five, right? Six to North Carolina. From there, I was I think twelve, and then we moved to Oklahoma, and then from there we moved back to North Carolina, and then when dad retired, we moved from one end of North Carolina to the other.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

But um not one end of the state to the other, one end of the county to the culture. But for you, it felt very different. So that felt like a big move. Like you literally just moved across the county, but that was a big move for you.

SPEAKER_04 4:17

Yeah, for some reason, I mean, just culturally, like about 40 minutes away from where we are now. So we're at the beach, coastal living, and then 40 minutes the other direction is like farm life. So it's it's very, very different. And yeah, life changed a lot within that time period.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

So when your dad retired, do you how old were you? So it was like three weeks.

SPEAKER_04 4:37

I think it was like what 17? Yep, you were almost 18. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

Good. So Titus, what of that do you remember? Like, when did as Tatum's walking through that, like when does your consciousness start to form? Like, where what's what's which of those states are you in?

SPEAKER_02 4:53

I would say it's like probably Oklahoma. Like I remember moving from North Carolina, but I didn't really have like it wasn't like my fundamental years, so like everything's kind of fuzzy, like living here for the first time. And then like moving from Oklahoma, I think just like I think that was like the hardest move. Probably because I was older then and I understood it more. And yeah, so I didn't really move around a lot from what like what I can remember because it just like moving from North Carolina to Oklahoma and then moving back to North Carolina. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

And then like Tatum said, like how old are you when you moved back to North Carolina? Back to North Carolina. I think I was like eight, maybe. Yeah. I think that's helpful for people to hear because I think a lot of times they think like, oh man, we're moving, and the kids are so like they're moving all the time. You were eight when you really remembered, start remembering that. And how old are you now, Titus? I'm eighteen. You're eighteen. So when you look back at your life, you don't really remember many details before eight, except for yeah, those are and boys and girls seem to be a little different on that front. Do you remember life before eight?

SPEAKER_04 6:03

Uh yeah, but not military life. I mean, I remember my kid life.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

Yeah, you're just like you're just so real.

SPEAKER_04 6:09

What stuff do you have most I liked? Blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Right. Yeah. So you're very self-focused. And so I think sometimes we think we're like ruining our kids in the military, but at especially at young ages, yeah, you're very self-focused. Anything you remember, what do you remember about military life from those young ages? Let's go like under eight since you mentioned that age. That's hard.

SPEAKER_04 6:32

I think one thing that stands out to me is you I don't remember like the logistics of moving. I remember bits and pieces of like moving life, but what's funny about the things that I remember had to do with my parents. So like I remember them responding a certain way. I couldn't tell you what was going on, I couldn't tell you what moving was like for me. But like I would remember if like mom was really stressed out about something, that would be a memory for me of like when we moved from North Dakota, the

What Memories Really Stick

SPEAKER_04 7:01

only memory I have of us moving was I had a science project and it was a ton of ants. Live ants, and they got packed.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

So so this is uh y'all homeschool family. Yes. This is this is not like you had a project at school. Like this is school is your house. It's your ant farm.

SPEAKER_04 7:18

I had an ant farm in my in my kitchen, you know, young science projects. Yes, of course. And um, and the movers packed it, and when we got to our new duty station, my my ants were dead. And the only reason I really remember that is I think because mom she had come, I think they probably t taken us somewhere. We had come back to the house and she was like, Where are the ants? And um yeah, that's probably all I remember of moving. So I think like how how parents respond in moving is probably what impacts their kids the most.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

But well, that's good. Movers pack everything, yes, everything. So yeah, a good conversation to have with kids is like, hey, is there something you want to keep with you? It can't be everything, but can we fill this box with things that you want to keep with you?

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Also, no, like if they're government movers, they're gonna like probably break everything that you have. Whoa, like actually, there's something special breaking. No, I just remember a lot of stuff breaking. Okay. I also remember mom's reactions from that. She'd be like really upset, or they'll lose it. So that's kind of sad.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

It's so funny that you remember that because I feel like they broke less stuff than when we moved ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

Really?

SPEAKER_03 8:26

Yeah, that's interesting. But they did lose things, yeah. They lost a lot of your bedroom stuff.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

Um I'm pretty bitter about that.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

No, you're not, you didn't even remember it.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

I don't remember.

unknown 8:37

That's funny.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

That's good. Okay. What about like because moves is a big piece of it. So what about like older in life when you're in like middle school age, 10, 12, sorry, 11, 13, 14, move during that time? What what's going on in your life at that point? You would remember that more because dad got out when I was like, what, 14?

SPEAKER_04 9:00

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 9:01

Yeah. Yeah. So I don't really yeah, I have nothing to say about that.

SPEAKER_04 9:04

I think when you're older, you're like more established in your community. So like your emotional roots are a lot deeper. I don't know if this is will be the same for every kid, but as the oldest, I felt like I kind of had to like not. And this was self-imposed, but I felt like I kind of had to hold it together because I have two siblings under me. So like when it came to moving, I felt like mom uses this phrase, Mary Poppins on crack. Like, just like everything's gonna be great, it's gonna be fine, like it's gonna be the best thing ever. Like, let's just pack up our stuff and leave. Like, we hate this place anyway. And like um, so I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

I think as like an Was that helpful for you?

SPEAKER_04 9:44

No, no, I think having Did I say we hate this place anyway? Or did you just no no no no no no no no? That was me. That was my perspective. I feel like that's what I would tell Titus and Elyssa, like, guys, we don't really like this place, like it's gonna be great the next place, you know? And like probably more preaching to myself, but yeah, I felt like I kind of had to hold it all together and then we would get to the new place. And I think I don't think I ever really like sat with how I felt about things or like process emotions. I would just like, okay, here we are, let's move on, let's just make this the best thing that it can be. So it's funny is mom and I were talking about that. I feel like I'm processing that more as an adult than I did as a kid. So I don't know. It's good.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Yeah. So we're talking about the challenges of moving. I think one thing that's interesting. So when you meet new people now as young adults, and people ask, oh, do people ever ask you, like, hey, where are you from? Do you ever get that question? Yeah. How do you answer that question?

SPEAKER_02 10:40

Well, usually when they ask me that, it's like, where were you born? And I can't remember for some reason. Um, but like, I don't know. I usually am like, well, I'm from, I don't know. That's like a weird question. Because I just tell them my whole life story.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Oh, yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

You launch into your like yeah, I get all vulnerable and then they're they get a little scared, you know. They're like, oh wait, we're not that tight.

SPEAKER_04 11:02

And I'm like, oh well, do you do that on purpose to make them uncomfortable?

SPEAKER_02 11:08

I usually do it with people that I know have lived in one spot their entire life. Oh, okay. To make them like in their own. I live to like kind of shock people, you know? Oh my gosh. So, like, one of my friends, like the first time we met, she was she's lived in the same house her entire life. Yeah, yeah. Like, it's the same growing up. I grew up in the same house. That scares me. I don't know how you can do that.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

Your face looks scared.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

Like, that just like when did you get bored? Anyway, so when I met her, I was like, I was just like, oh yeah, well, I lived here and here and here. And she was like, She did the exact same face I just gave you. And she was like, What? What? You know? I was like, Yeah, I mean I'm cool like that. Be my friend, please. You sound like I might not be here long.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Yeah, you sound like a jet setter when you all these places, all these exotic places like that.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

Oklahoma was exotic.

SPEAKER_04 12:00

Yeah, you talk about all the wildlife.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

It had exotic people, not exotic. Well, there was buffalo and tarantulas, tarantulas, stuff like that. No, all those like rattlesnakes.

SPEAKER_00 12:12

Oh, rattlesnakes, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:13

The festivals, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Yeah, yeah. Tatum, what about you? Somebody asks, hey, where are you from? You meet somebody new.

SPEAKER_04 12:20

Uh, I think it depends on the conversation. My team answers are either like, oh, I was born in California, or I say, Well, my dad was in the military for 20 years, so I moved every three years, so I'm not really from anywhere. And usually they're like, Oh, okay. And then and then we just move on.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

So you move on to something else. Yeah. I think that's a that's kind of a common thing that people say. Like, especially if you're at a thing and people are meeting new people, they'll ask, like, hey, where are you from? And yeah, I think that's that can be a challenge for military physics.

SPEAKER_04 12:48

Yeah, and I think later in adulthood, like I would always say as a kid, like, I'm from California, because that's where I was born. So that that must be where I'm from. But later in adulthood, I think I learned to stop saying that because then people start asking, like, oh, have you been here? Do you know this place? And I was like, Oh, I don't actually remember anything about California. I didn't actually live there for that long. So then I just kind of transitioned what I said.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

So some people I've heard answer that question. Well, I'm a military brat. So I moved around a lot. I've never used that. What do you think about that term? Military brat. What do you think about that? I've never understood.

SPEAKER_04 13:22

I don't like it.

SPEAKER_02 13:22

I just yeah, it makes me kind of it gives me like the ick, you know? It's like kind of it makes me cringe a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 13:28

It feels like an old person saying, Yeah, and I always felt that it kind of put you in a corner. Like, oh, there you go. Yeah, it puts you in a box, you know?

SPEAKER_02 13:34

Like your whole personality is that your father was in the military, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

Alright, we're gonna circle back to that. All right, similar, similar thing. Do you know the flower, the milit the flower of the military child?

unknown 13:48

No.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

I don't. Do you know it? Should I know this? Good. I'm glad y'all don't know. It's the dandelion. That what? Yeah. What the one that like blows away? I'm glad you don't know this.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

Wait, wait, because it like, if you

Holding It Together And Feeling It Later

SPEAKER_02 14:01

blow it, it like all separates and then waffs into the wind. What do you think about that?

SPEAKER_04 14:06

It does do.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

It does do that.

SPEAKER_04 14:08

Well, I guess my first thought is it's a weed. Like, why that flower? Wait, what?

SPEAKER_02 14:12

It is? I'm kind of offended. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

They're so pretty though. That's good. I bring it up. No, it's not pretty. It's it's am I thinking the right flower? No, no, it's a it's a one that you blow up, right? It's just the weed. So it starts as a yellow flower and then it grows up, and then it you're right, you blow it, or it blows. Because it has like the little white seeds go other places and they plant, and there's a little yellow flower for a very short period of time, and then it grows up. I know that I was planting things. So it's interesting and symbolic. I don't love it because, like you said, it's a weed, and uh, you know, anyway. Wait, so why? Okay, so I think because it's resilient and it scatters and creates flowers everywhere. It scatters, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 14:57

That's nice. That sounds pretty.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

That is pretty, yeah. Sounds pretty bad. When you said weed, I was like, but at the beginning, it's a weed. Like I tried to get them out of my yard. So but let's go back to what Titus was saying. I just wanted to push on that a little bit. I don't like the word military brat, and I don't like the flower of dandelion being uh attached to y'all. I'm glad y'all didn't know that. But anyway, let's go back to this identity. So, Titus, you said your like primary identity is not, oh, my dad happened to be in the military.

SPEAKER_02 15:30

Well, yeah, because like people are deeper than that. And I feel like if you like, I don't think I've ever introduced myself, like, yeah, my dad was in the military, you know? Right. Like, not anything against him, like he just doesn't come up, you know? When I'm first like introducing, introducing like myself, you know? Yeah, yeah. I'm never like you want to be known for you. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and that's good. I mean, there are people out there who pride themselves in it. I mean, if you want to be like, yeah, I'm a military brat, like, good for you, but for me, like, no, yeah, that's not not a primary identity.

SPEAKER_04 16:04

Yeah, I well, first I would say I think part of that is because like it wasn't dad's identity. So, like, why would it be our identity? Because like I was thinking as you were talking, like, when we would go to military functions, I remember we would always have a talk in the car, like, we don't talk about daddy's rank, we don't bring up like what he does compared to other kids, like we are all on the same team, and so like the military kind of like competitive atmosphere was never for us, so I don't really think we ever really thought to add that to part of our identity because it wasn't it wasn't our parents' identity.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

So, actually, your parent, who was having that conversation with you?

SPEAKER_04 16:41

Um probably more my mom, because I mean he would already be at the function or whatever. Yeah, dad was also the same way though, because he would be in a room full of like all of his work buddies, and in our eyes, because how he treated them, they were all equal, except for like you know, higher in rank, they would be respected, so we knew okay, that guy is like a person of respect, you know. But other than that, like it wasn't I am this rank, so these guys are below me, you know. So we just didn't really see anyone as like lesser than.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

So they modeled that well. Yeah, I think so. That's good. Brittany, what is kind of some of your mindsets in some of that coaching and thinking through that? Like, how are you trying to shape that in the life of your kids?

SPEAKER_03 17:24

That military is in our identity.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

Yeah, military is not our identity, dad's rank is not our identity, dad's job is not our identity. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

Yeah. So my dad was in the Marine Corps as well. But but coming into this, obviously, we had a different perspective coming to know Christ early on. The importance of identity for me with the kids was to know who they were created to be in Christ, and that when we went to functions, that all people were image bearers. So and that this is dad's job. This is just a job that God has employed him in, and we can be proud to be a military family, but that that just isn't where our identity is, I guess. Maybe I'm trying to think back.

Answering Where Are You From

SPEAKER_03 18:11

Like I just wanted them to see like all people deserve respect. It doesn't matter who they are. There are certain behaviors. If you are raising military kids, you know when you go to an event, certain things are expected of them. But my goal was not to have them perform, it was for them to be genuinely respectful people and to get to the heart of the matter. So we talked a lot about that and it just overflowed into military life.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

That is so good. I'm sure you did some like, hey, by the way, when the Star Spangled Banner is played, we stand still, and that's not the time. Right. You did some of that kind of coaching. Even when we lived on bass, like you're also shaping that character as you go.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

Yes, like on bass, when colors was played, all the little kids would stop, they would face the flag. Like those kind of respectful things, just shaping who they were as people was more important to me than them performing.

SPEAKER_02 19:06

Um you taught them to do it like them for themselves and not for others, you know.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

Okay, good.

SPEAKER_03 19:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

It's weird to use the third person in that sentence. She taught us.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

Yeah. Uh she taught you, yes. She taught me. Yeah. I don't really like, I mean, I have a fuzzy memory of you doing that.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:28

But like I do have like defining memories of like my friends and I on base, because we lived in base housing, and like we would like fight with each other, like verbally, not physically. But like we'd fight with each other over whose dad's rank was the highest, but we had no clue. So it was like a circle of like ambiguity that none of us.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

My dad's cool. Which is serious because we lived in base housing, they were all the same rank.

SPEAKER_02 19:53

Really? No dad. Because we all would be like, My dad's a fur surgeon. And then like someone else would be like, My dad's a whatever other thing is.

SPEAKER_03 20:01

And then it was because we were on an army base.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

Uh so it was all the same. My dad. Oh my god. My dad's a marine. That's the only time my personality was my dad's job. That was the only time. Yeah, when it became like uh a status.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

Pecking order status among the kids.

SPEAKER_03 20:19

I will say, like, you are saying um, what did you just say? Something like, I don't remember you doing that. It's because this was like a way of life, like discipleship around the table, just talking about normal life things, how we behave in public, just certain things. It wasn't like dad's in the Marine Corps, you're gonna behave this way. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 20:41

How did your how did your growing up as a military kid, Brittany, um, shape how you parented military kids?

SPEAKER_03 20:51

That's a really good question. I knew my experience was very different, obviously, than our children's. I just wanted it to be life-giving instead of this like I don't even know how to explain it, Brian. That's such a good question. I I feel like my experience, because I grew up in a non-believing home. It everything when I was little was like military, military. And then of course, when my dad got out, it was like still his identity. It never shifted. Like I am a Marine Corps kid, I'm an American, everything needs to be focused there. And then so being a believer, I I was like, this is just this is an opportunity. This isn't gonna be forever. He at some point he's gonna have to get out. I want the experiences we have to be fun and life-giving and adventurous, not rigid and in this weird aspect. I don't even know if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

But so good. Yeah, because so it is unhealthy to have the service members' identity be a hundred percent I'm a Marine, I'm a soldier, I'm a whatever role in that. And especially as that cascades into the family, that has unhealthy consequences. And so As Christians, we want to find our identity in Christ and find our identity in the goodness that God has for us in our particular lot of life, which especially for the military, it's the military is kind of interesting because it's all encompassing when you're in it, but it it will end early in life, right? Like you cannot, you don't get to serve in the military in your 70s. You don't get to serve in the military in your 50s and 60s with very few exceptions, right? So you're relatively young when you get out of the military. And actually your kids are relatively young. We're hearing that with Titus. Titus is like, I don't really remember a lot of serving as a military kid. So don't let the military become your full identity as a service member. And certainly don't let that cascade down into the family. Instead, let identity in Christ and goodness and adventure and all those types of things cascade down.

SPEAKER_03 23:16

Yeah, like what's the family mission? Like, does your family have a mission motto? Like, we wanted to make friendships and teach the kids how to be resilient and to welcome people in at new places.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:29

Like we constantly used. If you want friends, you have to show yourself friendly. Like don't wait for others. Like we use military life to teach a lot of that.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

Man, that's great. How are how are those life lessons? How are you seeing you hear your mom say, these are the types of things we're trying to instill in you in this like transient lifestyle? Do you see any of that like manifesting in your life? Do you want to go first? I don't know what to say. You're not outgoing at all. Titus, you're not outgoing at all. I don't know. Can you say the question again? Like that was a lot. That was a long question. Yeah. Sorry. So your mom said she wanted you to be outgoing and to be friendly, to make friends, and she was trying to instill in you that dad's identity is not your identity, that you're a person of yourself and other people are people. Have you like, do you see that being true in your life at all? Sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

What? I mean, I think just like in all areas of life, even in like the areas that you want to expect, you know. I can't expound upon that. Well, let's do this.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

Could you answer the question for Tatum? How about answer the question for Tatum? Did you see any of that in Tatum's life? Why would you do that to me? Who actually?

SPEAKER_02 24:43

Yeah. I mean, like, she goes and gets what she wants, you know? Like she's ambitious. That's how she got her husband. Thanks, Mennon. She's very, yeah, you know, she is very outgoing, you know? And I don't know, like, man, there's just so much there.

SPEAKER_00 25:03

Yeah. You know? Yeah. So you see her being ambitious and outgoing and those types of things.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

Yeah. I also see her, like, I think she can foster a deep connection

Parenting Beyond Rank And Image

SPEAKER_02 25:11

with people. I think she can be very empathetic, you know.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

Maybe I'm talking about myself. No, I'm kidding. Oh my gosh. Um, I'm seeing like, I don't know. Like, yeah, I think when you live in a certain area, like you live with all these same people in like a base or something, like you can like almost become like you can't see other people. Does that make sense? Like you can't have empathy or like connect with other people outside of that. But I think our parents did a good job at like letting us meet new people outside of that community that was created. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And I think you can see that in Tatum.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

Do you see any of this in Titus, Tatum?

SPEAKER_04 26:00

Yeah, I was gonna say I think like you see it now, so he is in into like acting in theater, and you really have to like put yourself out there. And I think what's interesting is you can kind of go into a room and you don't really see like people as like the scary, like, oh, I have to introduce myself and I have to like say all these right things because you've just been doing it for so long. Like you meet a new batch of people every three years, and now you have to make them your best friend because you're only there for three years, so it's not like this, hey, like, and then a couple weeks later, maybe we should exchange numbers. It's like, hey, I'm Titus. You like want to be besties? Like, let's exchange numbers and let's do this and this and this.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

And I'm pretty sure that's the first conversation I have with Titus.

SPEAKER_04 26:41

Yeah, because you have to. So I think like you know, you really see if you meet Titus, he he's your best friend from the minute you meet him.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

And I think if I like you, yeah, or or wait.

SPEAKER_04 26:50

You give like that juju from the first meeting. You have lots of best friends. Everyone's his bestie. Okay, let's move on.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

So, okay, so my life is very different than yours, my upbringing. So, as I mentioned, I grew up in the same hometown in the same house for the first 18 years of my life until I went off to college and then joined the Marine Corps, and then life was different from there. I I stumbled upon sometime in the past year, I stumbled upon a picture of my kindergarten class. And I think I graduated with at least half of that class. I graduated high school.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

What?

SPEAKER_00 27:34

So my kindergarten class and my graduating class had at least half. It was probably three quarters of the class. What what as you hear me say all that? What did I miss out on that you got to experience?

SPEAKER_03 27:52

That's a cool question. Your eye twitch.

SPEAKER_02 27:58

Um I don't know. You go first. I need to I need to go on the mic.

SPEAKER_04 28:02

Okay, that's real nice of you. I'm not good on the spot. As you see my mind go like something that you missed out on.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

Oh, wait, I have one.

SPEAKER_04 28:09

Okay, yeah, you go first.

SPEAKER_02 28:10

I think I see, like, as you were saying that, I was seeing like like we have to like foster a connection with people like quickly. We have to foster it deeply and quickly, which is kind of hard to do because it takes years to have what's he doing? We just ignored him. Oh, you said that. I was like, what is he doing? Okay. I was like, what am I doing wrong? Okay, what was I saying?

SPEAKER_03 28:36

Deep connection.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

Like you have to foster it deeply and quickly. Right. Whereas like you had all this, you had like your whole 18 years of life to foster like a deep connection with all these people, so it didn't have to be quickly, you know. Like you could take it at like a nice leisurely pace.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

And I would argue I did not build deep connections because there wasn't that necessity. Oh, you didn't have like the drive to do it. Yeah, I didn't have that drive to do so. And listen, I'm this isn't here for me to bash my upbringing. I had a great upbringing, I'm thankful for it. It gave me some advantages, but I want I want military kids out there and the parents to know like, hey, there's actually some goodness about this, and God can actually use this for good things. Tatum, did you have some thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_04 29:22

I was gonna say maybe it's interesting because I think about like wow, that's so mind-blowing that that occurred.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

You just can't even fathom it.

SPEAKER_04 29:29

No, I hate, and like Caleb's life was like that too, like he's from the same place, like yeah, he's his entire life, and it just like blows my mind. But I think something that you missed out on is like flexibility, like you're in the same place doing the same things with the same people, and so you don't really learn to like experience new things and that be your normal. Because like for us, like like I said, like we moved every three years to like doing something completely different and going to like a completely different culture almost, even though we never did overseas tours, Oklahoma to North Carolina is a very different culture and lifestyle, and you don't really learn to like adapt. Like, I think Titus could move anywhere and adapt to anywhere he is and make friends anywhere he goes because he's been doing that since he was born.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

Which, especially as Christians, like we need to have that geographic mobility, like God could call us to somewhere else, and we need to be ready to go. Yeah, you guys have that.

SPEAKER_04 30:26

Yeah, or even like attached materialistically, like as an adult, I've realized, like, oh, that thought process isn't normal. Like, I'm not attached to my house or my decor because every three years we would purge all of our things.

SPEAKER_00 30:38

And you see that as a good thing.

SPEAKER_04 30:40

I guess.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

I see it as a good thing.

SPEAKER_04 30:42

Yeah, like we would see like the things that were most important to us of most sentimental value, and that would usually go in a box, and then we would move with that. And so, like, yeah, homes aren't like this is my only home, and these are my things, you know? Like, because like Tada said, stuff got broken, stuff got lost, and mom and dad's thing was stuff is stuff, so it doesn't hold the memory, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Right, yeah. So if you were talking to somebody, maybe that eight-year-old who's living this military life, what would you any any advice you would give

Resilience And The Upside Of Moving

SPEAKER_00 31:12

them? Any words of wisdom for that eight-year-old dad's in the military, they just moved to a new town. Like, give your parents some grace.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

You know, like I remember, like, I look back on my childhood and I'm like, dang, like, how did they love me? Like, I was like insufferable. But like, like we when we moved, we had like such a good community in Oklahoma. And when we moved from it, we like like we did we hated NC, and our parents, like, it's not like it was our parents' decision, like they didn't really want to be there too, but us kids were like crying and freaking out about it for like a whole year. I remember we'd be like, Oklahoma was okay, North Carolina's not cool.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

Yeah, we would say that.

SPEAKER_02 31:57

And I remember I think my mom would get upset about it. And like I said, see why now.

SPEAKER_04 32:03

A little negative mantra.

SPEAKER_02 32:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

Yeah. So give parents grace. Give them like it's not their fault. Try to emergate. Okay. Yeah, that's good. Tatum, what would you say? That little eight-year-old Tatum.

SPEAKER_04 32:14

Um I think like view it as an adventure, but also be honest about like where you're struggling, like you have feelings. So, like, if it's hard telling your mom it's hard is cool, you know. But like, have in mind what Titus said, like, give them grace their people too. It's probably hard for your mom just as much as it is for you. Like, she has friends too that she's leaving, but like you don't have to try to have it all together, like you can tell them like that you're sad.

SPEAKER_01 32:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:43

So these are two of our kids. We do have a middle daughter, Elissa.

SPEAKER_01 32:46

She's a little bit more shy and introverted.

SPEAKER_03 32:48

Yeah, she and you know, we tried to respect our children and and their giftings and what they like to do and don't like to do. So we weren't like you have to be on this podcast. But as you two were speaking, I was just thinking of her. Like, yeah, she held things in a little bit, but and it would come out in different ways. And I would just encourage parents, like, don't be offended or take that personally, even like what Titus was saying about their little mantra they made, like meet them where they're at. Like, we when they would say that, I would try to redirect like, what is something you're grateful for about North Carolina? We didn't have the beach. Do you want to go to the beach today? You know what I mean? Like, of course, there's times to correct it, but I think something I could have done better early on in my parenting was not be offended or embarrassed. Like, don't parent from a place of offense or embarrassment, parent from a place of like be after their heart and love them well. Let them be people and feel the feels and guide them in that.

SPEAKER_00 33:43

And realize this is an experience for them. It's a very different experience for them. They have a very different perspective than we do. Also, every kid, I'm glad you brought up Elissa, like every kid's different and every kid is responding to it differently. Y'all had this like common mantra, but that that hit each of you very differently. Right. And the kids have a like when you have multiple kids, they create their own little um society.

SPEAKER_03 34:08

I think too, like just remembering what they're experiencing is real. Like sometimes as parents, we can be like, Oh, you're fine, you're eight. That's not a big deal. But in their little eight-year-old world, that is a really, really big deal to them.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

The biggest thing in their life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:23

So how are you gonna teach them? I love Paul Tripp talks about we're not parenting children, we're parenting adults. Like they're gonna be adults. Well, or how does he say parenting them towards adult adulthood? Like, they're gonna be adults. Like, what do we want them to take from that?

SPEAKER_00 34:36

All right. Anyway, that's good. Brittany and I are now commentating on all the good things that we're seeing. I want to hear more. Thank you for your ongoing support. Let me encourage you. We've done a couple of guest episodes. What category of person should we talk to? So if you're like, man, I am in this season, could

Advice For Kids Plus Listener Requests

SPEAKER_00 35:01

you bring somebody on in that season? Let us know. Hello at military wellness collective.com. Thank you guys so much. See you next week.