Navigating the Holidays When You Have Cancer

The holidays can be a beautiful mix of warmth, nostalgia, and connection but when you’re living with cancer, they can also feel overwhelming, complicated, or completely different from years past. And that’s okay.

In this episode, we dive into what it really looks like to move through the holiday season with compassion, boundaries, and intention. Together, we explore:

• The weight of family expectations
• Parenting when your energy and emotions are stretched thin
• The tender emotional landscape this season can bring
• Tips for traveling safely and comfortably
• How to protect your peace and create space for your healing

Whether you're in treatment, recovering, or supporting someone you love, this episode offers grounding insight and gentle reminders to help you navigate the holidays on your own terms.

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Speaker: Welcome to the Living to Thrive with Cancer podcast. I'm Kathryn White, holistic cancer coach and author. This is the place where we trade fear for hope, confusion for clarity, and overwhelm for empowered action. Whether you are newly diagnosed, living with cancer, or navigating life beyond it, each episode I'll share tools, insights, and real life inspiration to help you create a life that feels good to live right now in the middle of it all.

[00:00:29] Let's thrive together.

[00:00:35] Welcome to The Living to Thrive with Cancer podcast. I am your host, Kathryn White cancer coach, author of Living to Thrive, a holistic guide to living with cancer, and someone who knows firsthand what it's like to navigate life, including the holidays with cancer. Today's episode is all about navigating the holidays when you have cancer.

[00:00:55] This season can bring so much in terms of joy and nostalgia and togetherness. But it can also bring pressure and exhaustion and emotional heaviness and overwhelm. So if you are living with cancer or recovering from it, the holidays may look and feel completely different than they used to. And what I want you to know is that that is, okay.

[00:01:19] So in this episode. To guide you through this holiday season. We're going to talk about family dynamics and expectations, parenting through the holidays, the emotional complexity of this season, traveling with cancer, and how to create space for your healing. So let's begin by talking about the emotional landscape of the holidays.

[00:01:42] The holidays bring up a lot, and for many people it's a time of love and connection. But for people who are living with cancer, it can also be a time of grief, like we just need to call that right out. It can be a time of grief, grief for the life that you had prior to cancer, the energy that you wish you had right now, and even for the simplicity of seasons and holidays past.

[00:02:07] You may be feeling overwhelmed, tired, disconnected, or even dare I say, guilty for not being able to show up the way that you used to. And I know what this feels like. I have navigated 10 Christmases as of this year of living with cancer and trying to figure out how to manage all of the expectations around this.

[00:02:28] So I'm coming to you from a place of personal experience and heartfelt compassion, and that's why I wanna offer you this. You are allowed to feel everything, joy, sadness, frustration, gratitude, all of it. All of it is welcome. You don't need to hide the truth behind that holiday smile that tells everyone that you're great and you're just faking it until you make it.

[00:02:54] You don't have to do that. You get to choose. So I wanna share with you just a quick practice here that I often share with my clients that is about helping you to just stay connected to yourself and to help you manage the day to day over the holiday season. So you can just take a breath and say to yourself, today, I am feeling, and that's okay.

[00:03:18] Name what you're feeling. Allow yourself to identify what you're feeling and name it. Today I am feeling, and that's okay. Give yourself the grace to feel what's real, because this is not meant to be a burden on you and your emotions certainly are not meant to be a burden. You are allowed to feel what you feel, but you're also allowed to give yourself the grace to move through those feelings and into all of the other pieces that come with holidays and having cancer.

[00:03:52] So let's talk now about family dynamics and boundaries, and I have to say. The family piece and the boundary piece really was a, has been a challenge for me in the holiday season because it's about finding that balance between how much family time can you actually handle. And I wanna offer too that family is not everybody's jam.

[00:04:14] Family can bring up a lot of. Past trauma, a lot of eye rolling, A lot of, okay, we're putting on our public face to make sure that everybody has the best holiday ever. And that narrative can be very complex without cancer. So when you throw cancer into the mix. It can be a little bit complicated sometimes.

[00:04:37] It doesn't have to be. It's not for everybody, but it can be. So let's just unpack this a little bit about family dynamics and boundaries. One of my favorite topics, so during the holiday season, there can be a lot of pressure to show up. To the things that everybody wants you to show up for or that you wanna show up for, to participate in all of the festivities and the activities and the parties and the gatherings, and also to pretend that everything is normal.

[00:05:09] I mean, we all know deep inside, we just want everything to be normal, to be the way that it was, perhaps. But there's this. Perhaps lingering thought in your mind that I just need to make this look and feel normal like it used to be. And people, when you are out in these situations, we might think that they're going to judge us.

[00:05:33] They might think that they, we might think that they have their own thoughts around this. They might have their own thoughts around this. They might not know what to say to you, or they might overcompensate. They overcompensate that are just trying too hard, right? We all know some of those that. They just want to make sure that they're giving you attention, but they don't wanna give you too much attention and they don't wanna give you not enough attention.

[00:05:55] And let's be honest, friends, we all know it gets a little bit weird when you have cancer. People get all awkward and uncomfortable around you and in their own skin. I wanna offer It's not you, it's them. You are just being you and and showing up as you. Is a good thing, but in the, in the process of all of that old patterns and expectations from other people and from yourself can easily resurface.

[00:06:25] So what if you could do this? What if you could set the tone for what you need for your holiday season this year? What if you. Could take back that little piece of control. You've heard me talk before about how sometimes we think we have no control. This is something that you can take some control over how you set the tone for your holiday season this year.

[00:06:49] So it might look like things like, um, letting family know ahead of time what you need, that you might need to have a rest, that you might need to leave early. You're setting them up for your possibilities that are part of your wellness plan. Maybe it's about skipping things altogether, like maybe something that you used to do that party at the neighbor's house or the office party or some sort of an event in the community.

[00:07:21] Maybe that's just not where you are right now and you don't have to do the things that you don't want to do. Maybe your family is one of those big. Over the top holiday celebration groups of people that they just want everybody there and it's loud and it's, there's lots of music and laughter and fun, and maybe that's exactly what you need.

[00:07:42] Or maybe you wanna just tone it back this year. Maybe you're looking for a little bit more calm and quiet, a little bit more ease, a smaller gathering. You again. Again, you get to choose which way you want it to be. And I would say brackets right up until the day of the event, you might need to restructure what you're looking for and what you want right up to the day of the event.

[00:08:05] And that is also okay. And this year, maybe you just wanna say to yourself, this year is different and I am honoring what I need. And I've talked before about self-care and self-love. This is part of it. Setting those boundaries around what everybody else is expecting or what you have expected of yourself in the past, and honoring that you need it to be different or you want it to be different is okay.

[00:08:34] That's part of the self-care process. That's part of self-love, is recognizing what you need and enacting that in your life. Parenting. Now, not all of you are necessarily parents. Some of you might be grandparents. I myself have adult children, so they don't need as much parenting. Although when they were teenagers and we were going through Christmas and holiday seasons, we still sort of had to parent the, how everybody was showing up.

[00:09:00] But this part is, is really dedicated to the parents that. Just wanna be there with their kids. Just wanna be there for their kids. And, and you and I both know, if you have small children, you, you wanna make it magical. You wanna make those memories, you wanna make it a beautiful experience. And that's a lot of pressure.

[00:09:22] That's a lot of pressure when you don't have cancer. So when you have this added layer of maybe fatigue or urine treatment. Or you're just feeling overwhelmed by life in general. It's a lot of pressure to maintain that magical experience, and, and you still can, you maybe just need to do it in a different way if your energy is limited.

[00:09:44] Again, it comes back to honoring what you need. You can still make magic and honor what you need. So I have a, I'm gonna say a few things that might not resonate with all of you, and that's okay. That's the joy of this podcast is that you can take what you want and you can leave what you want. Your kids do not need perfection.

[00:10:05] They do not need. We always called it the Norman Rockwell Christmas. If you don't know who Norman Rockwell is, there was the magazine, um, uh, I can't remember what it's called right now, Saturday Night something. Anyway, they always had these Norman Rockwell paintings on the cover of the perfect family in the perfect moment, and everything looked beautiful or the, you know, leave it to Beaver moment.

[00:10:24] For those of you that remember, leave it to Beaver. Just this real perfect family picture. And we would joke like, this is not a Norman Rockwell moment because they're never, no matter how hard we tried, I don't know about you, they never really worked out perfectly, but that's the gift of family is that it is perfectly imperfect.

[00:10:43] So maybe you can let go of that perfection of needing it to be exactly what it's always been. Exactly what you think your kids need. What they need is you to be there. What they need is that connection with you. Some mommy or daddy snuggles on the couch or under a cozy blanket or in front of the fireplace, or a walk outside.

[00:11:07] Maybe just a little snuggle time. You know, that might be more what they need than the pomp and circumstance of a big holiday. They, they probably just want time with you. And toys. They always want toys, but they probably want time with you. And what they really need is your love and you showing up and, and just being there with them.

[00:11:30] Not a mountain of gifts, not running from here to there and doing all of the things again. You get to decide. You get to choose what it's going to look like. I'm just offering you a space to create a different version of your holiday season that is going to honor what you need right now. So how about this year?

[00:11:48] You try asking them what's most important about the holidays? What? What do they want? Let them guide the choices, and then sort of mediate and moderate how those choices are going to unfold. Maybe it's a movie night, maybe it's baking cookies together. Maybe it's cuddling under a blanket. Like I said, having some hot chocolate.

[00:12:08] It doesn't have to be complicated. Keep it simple. Keep it meaningful because that's what they're going to remember, not the color of the wrapping paper, not all of the bows. They're going to remember the time that you spend with them doing the things that they want to be doing, and when you can, maybe you can include them in the conversation about what's changing this year.

[00:12:31] Maybe, maybe they're old enough to have a real conversation about how you're actually feeling and what that's going to look like. Or maybe you can rightsize the language for the age of your child. I've talked before about age appropriateness, children, you know, need to be parented and, and spoken to in different ways based on where they are.

[00:12:51] Um, but maybe tailor that conversation to. What your person, your little person looks like and, and how they can come to understand what it is that you need. Because what you're doing when you have that conversation with them is you are teaching them compassion and resilience and honesty, and, and just simply showing up as you are is going to be exactly what everybody needs.

[00:13:18] Now, maybe some of you are having to travel over the holidays and traveling with cancer is a whole conversation in itself about all of the aspects of travel. But I just wanted to bring this in because some of you might be going, you know, really far away, or some of you might be going just, you know, down the road or to the, to the next town or city.

[00:13:39] But if traveling is on your radar this season, I wanna invite you to do a check-in with your body. And also with your care team, I think it's important, you know, if you are traveling particularly far or depending on where you are in your treatment process, if you're particularly immunocompromised right now, that's a conversation to have with your care team.

[00:13:59] Like what, what can I make the holidays look like? What are my negotiables and non-negotiables in terms of my health? And checking in with your own body, as I said, like how are you feeling? You know, who do you want to be around? How much do you want to be around? How far are you willing to travel? Like we all know that travel can be very draining under normal circumstances.

[00:14:21] So if you do plan to travel. There's some things that you can think about, plan ahead for bringing everything you need to feel comfortable and cared for. You are still you and you are still in the midst of this process, so just make sure that you have the things that you can find. They're almost like security blankets.

[00:14:42] Like if you have a, a favorite sweater or hoodie or you have a favorite blanket or even your own pillow, um. Just something that you can bring with you so that if you're feeling overwhelmed, if you're feeling like you need a little bit of like physical wraparound, you can access these things that are part of your, um, care system, your care toolbox build and rest and recovery time.

[00:15:08] Big family event. I need a nap, and that's okay. I'm going upstairs. I need 20. Like come and get me. When the turkey's out of the oven, it's okay to rest. And it's also okay to ask for that recovery time when you get to your destination, maybe. You know, traveling, flying, driving, train, whatever you're doing, can be exhausting, overwhelming, overstimulating, and if you are trying to be protective of your physical space, you're just on alert.

[00:15:35] So you might need some downtime when you get to where you're going. Maybe if you're staying in a hotel, you ask your, your spouse or your partner, or grandparents or whoever to take the kids to the pool or take them for a walk. Maybe you stay back at the house when everybody else goes to do something.

[00:15:52] Maybe you just slip away and go find a space where you are to just have some quiet time reading, knitting, crocheting, listening to music, whatever it is that you need. Have those self. Soothing tools in place and bring them with you so that you can still take care of yourself. And I'm gonna say too, like don't be afraid to say no.

[00:16:15] You get to say no. If there are additional things that are piled on once you get there, but oh yeah, you haven't seen so and so and they really wanna see you, that can be a no. Or that can be, you know, negotiated for how long or for where you can control the narrative. When you are outside of your home, and that might feel a little overwhelming in itself, being outside of your home 'cause it's kind of your safe haven.

[00:16:39] It's where you, you know, where all the touch points are of the things that help you, where your medications are, your own comfortable bed, all of these things. So just remember that when you're outside of your space, it can feel like a lot. You can still have some control, and also you can decide not to go at all.

[00:17:03] Your family might not appreciate me saying that, but you can give yourself permission to say, not this year or only for an hour, or whatever it is you need. That's okay because protecting your energy and your peace and your health is. Well, it's part of the walk with cancer, right? It's part of you taking care of yourself, and I don't think that people are going to be particularly upset with you if you say, I need some time, and that leads into creating a holiday that honors you.

[00:17:36] Again, that might feel very selfish, like, this isn't about me, this is about my kids, this is about my spouse, this is about my parents, whatever it is. And it can still be that, but you can still honor yourself within that space. So a question to ask yourself is, what would it feel like to create a holiday season that honors my healing, my truth, and my needs?

[00:18:02] Uh, that might feel a little uncomfortable because we're used to putting other people first, perhaps. But what would it feel like inside of you, emotionally and physically? To honor yourself over the holiday season and what you need, and you can sit with that, you can journal that, you can really reflect on, on what's coming up for you.

[00:18:26] If it's feelings of selfishness, okay, sit with that. Visit it. Why is it selfish to take care of yourself? When, when you are feeling unwell, why is it selfish to say no? To extra things when you are exhausted, is it selfish? It's not. It's part of your plan. So create the holiday season that's going to honor your healing, your truth, and your needs.

[00:18:54] You don't have to do everything the way that it's always been done. Traditions can be very important in some families. I understand that we don't have very specific traditions in our house because my husband's job. Many, many years has taken him away over the Christmas holidays. So we sort of have Christmas, wherever we can, whenever we can, and we just make it what it's we've, we just have always had really great Christmases on Christmas, on Christmas Eve, two days after Christmas, a week before Christmas.

[00:19:23] That's kind of one of the joys for us as I've gone through this process, is that. We were always flexible anyway, so me saying no or I can't do that this year was not a big surprise and it wasn't particularly inconvenient. You don't have to do it the way it's always been done. You get to slow down. You can simplify things.

[00:19:45] You can still have traditions, just maybe, you know, dial them back a little bit. You can opt out of anything that doesn't serve you right now. And I'm not encouraging you to not do the family holiday stuff. I'm just encouraging you to reflect on yourself and give yourself grace in the whole process. So if you've been following me, um, if you're on my email list, if you're not, I'd love for you to get on there.

[00:20:10] You can head to my website, I'll put it in the show notes and get on my email list, but you'll know. If you know me that I love a good mantra and the one that I offer for this holiday season conversation is this season I choose ease, presence, and connection, and that is more than enough this season. I choose ease, presence, and connection, and that is more than enough.

[00:20:37] So that's my gift to you. To take that, write it down, put it on some sticky notes, put it in your journal. Say it out loud to yourself, say it quietly to yourself, but just, just remember that you are enough and that you being present is enough and that you don't need to prove anything to anyone. This gets to be your holiday season.

[00:20:59] Whatever it is for you, it gets to be yours. And you can include your family in the decision making process, and you can be mindful of traditions, and you can be mindful of things that you wanna let go of. Again, you are enough, your presence is enough, and you don't need to prove anything to anyone. So as you move through this holiday season, invite you to practice self-kindness.

[00:21:28] Let yourself be where you are. Let yourself be loved. Let people take care of you. They wanna get you something. Let them get you something. Maybe that is your gift to yourself is to just allow yourself to be cared for and nurtured and loved, and to just be you. And love yourself for who you are and where you are right now, and you know that however you choose to move through the holidays, you're not alone.

[00:21:59] There are a whole bunch of people that are feeling the same thing, asking the same questions, wondering the same thoughts, so you're not alone. You can navigate this. You can make your own choices and you can remember that. This walk with cancer is yours to create, and that includes how you create your holiday season.

[00:22:24] And just to wrap things up, my last personal podcast of 2025, we have one more with a very special guest coming up who is going to talk about his story of navigating cancer as a young adult. But this is my final one of 2025, and I want to end it for you and with you in this way. As you move through this season, I invite you to practice self-kindness.

[00:22:49] Let yourself be where you are. Let yourself feel what you feel. Let yourself be supported by others and by yourself, and know this. There is no wrong way to navigate the holidays when you are healing. If you would like more support, I've shared a full blog post on this topic. You can find it at Kathryn White coach slash blog, and if you are ready to get the support you need, I'd invite you to join me in the Cancer Thriver pathway.

[00:23:19] This is a 12 week guided healing system that takes you from fear and overwhelm to confidence. Calm and emotional strength. Schedule a call with me today to talk about creating your personal path to thriving with cancer. The link to the book a call will be in the show notes and we can get you started fresh in the new year on your cancer thriver pathway.

[00:23:41] Thank you so much for being here today. I hope you have a beautiful rest of your day, and may you live your life to your fullest. Follow your heart and thrive in.