Why Your Friends Are Key to a Longer Life

Are you feeling disconnected? In a world struggling with an epidemic of loneliness, building a strong social network is no longer a "nice-to-have"—it's essential for your health. Science shows that deep social bonds can lower stress, improve your immune system, and even help you live longer. But how do you build friendships that last, especially when life gets busy?

In this powerful episode, I sit down with Shawn Blankenship, Joe Gorley, and Che Jansen—three men who have nurtured a deep brotherhood for nearly 40 years. Forged in their college days as members of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc., their bond provides a practical, inspiring blueprint for anyone looking to build deeper connections. This isn't just theory; it's a real-life masterclass in loyalty, vulnerability, and showing up.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The practical, intentional habits that hold a 35+ year friendship together 
• How support evolves: from 20-something fun to 50-something men's health accountability 
• Why vulnerability, authenticity, and "accountability through love" are the non-negotiable glue
• The "hidden" wellness benefits of true friendship: genuine joy, deep comfort, and feeling truly re-energized
• The single most important, practical step you can take this week to start building your own network

This conversation is a powerful reminder that our best life is not built alone.

Get exclusive listener discounts at mydeals.page/jhrt Click any deal, and the code LIFEPODCAST applies automatically at checkout to save you money and support the show.

Transcript

Dr C: 0:02

Hola, and welcome back to the Life Podcast where we explore how to learn, inspire, flourish, and evolve into our best, most authentic selves. I'm your host, Dr. Steve, and today we're talking about emotional and social wellness. I want you to think about a question. Who do you call at 3 a.m.? Not just when things something is wrong, but when something is amazing. Who in your life has seen you at your worst and still celebrates you at your best? In our hyper-connected, digitally saturated world, many of us are feeling profoundly disconnected. The Surgeon General has even declared loneliness a public health epidemic, citing research that chronic loneliness can be detrimental to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. But today, today, we're talking about the antidote. We're exploring the profound wellness benefits of a strong, lifelong social network. And I'm not just talking about theory. I have brought on three incredible graphs who are living the living embodiment of this principle. Today, we're joined by Sean Blinkenship, Joe Gorley, and Shay Jansen. These three men are accomplished professionals, husbands, and fathers. But they are also brothers. They formed their bond over 35 years ago at the University of Dayton as they were becoming members of the Gamma Theta chapter of Alpha by Alpha Fraternity Incorporated. And today they're going to share what it takes to build a brotherhood that lasts of like a lifetime. Sean, Joe, and Shay, welcome to the Life Podcast. Thank you, Doc Lady. Thanks for having us. Yes, you're welcome. So 35 years of friendship is an incredible milestone. So let's set the stage for our listeners. And Shay, I'll start with you. How would you describe the feeling of this brotherhood in one word or one phrase?

Che Jansen: 1:54

One word is tough, but I would say in in probably the most boring fashion possible, unique. And when I say unique, it's because it's, you know, probably not the most descriptive word, but we understand that we share something that not everybody has, right? We've talked about it at length, about the fact that, you know, there are other people in our same or similar situation, fraternity brothers, but they don't necessarily have what it is that we've cultivated over more than three decades, which is an everyday type of relationship that we benefit from on a daily basis. And so that's what I believe we find to be unique. And I know just in our you know, our conversation prior to this, that we'll get into some of the details of why that is, but we certainly cultivate it. We understand that it's something we need to feed. Uh, and so we've developed it uh over the years.

Dr C: 2:55

Yeah. So that's the intentionality of making sure that you're building as you go. So Joe and Sean, what what what do you think about what Shay just described?

Shawn Blankenship: 3:03

You know, I I think to build upon cultivation and intentionality is exactly the right word. There's also a lot of the word that comes to mind is accountability. And we look at each other not only just as black men, we look at each other as fathers, you know, uh husbands, you name it. And with that is accountability. So I we talk family. This is family. It's like you feel you're accountable to your parents, your your siblings, whatever it may be. I'm accountable to Shane and Joe as well. And so I that's always the back of my mind. With the actions, with these two look at me and say, damn, why are you doing that?

Dr C: 3:37

Yes. Joe, what do you think about that?

Joe Gorley: 3:39

You know, when I think about these brothers, and I do call them brothers in the realistic portion of it, is you know, we've grown together. We don't it's just nurture a relationship that we had in college. Our relationship has grown. So I know Sean's daughter, I know Shay's family, and and we spent time to this family. And I think that's important. A relationship can't stay stagnant, it can't be 1990 again forever, right? Where are we now? And I think that accountability has to do with it. Yeah, I think it's also respectability, just enjoying being around each other, I think, is very critical.

Dr C: 4:08

I love that. I love that. And so we all face intense stress, right? So we know that no matter what you do, there are going to be challenges in life, whether it's from our career, our families, or just life life. So, Sean, can you share a specific time where knowing this brotherhood had your back directly lowered your stress or helped you through a major life challenge?

Shawn Blankenship: 4:30

Oh yeah. Joe Silavino's my daughter, like, you know, in the traditional sense of the word, I I uh have a child at the time, I have a lot, right? Uh, and it wasn't necessarily planned, per se, right? And as I look at that in that situation, you know, there's a level of disappointment. You know, you feel it because it wasn't planned. And how do I go with my parents and talked about it? These two were were a sound on the board for me before my parents knew I had a baby on the way they knew, because I had, you know, we may depend on how far the conversation was, we may talk about our different roles in this relationship, this friendship, and we we all have different roles in this friendship. And Shay's like the mature one. So I was like, I gotta go to this guy. Shea's, you know, whatever age he was at that time, 30, but the maturity of a 50-year-old. So I think he helps me set the stage in my concerns, my my fears, and says, Well, at the end of the day, Joe says, You got me accountable. You know, so that made me feel like it's gonna be okay, you know. My parents are gonna love me any less. I'm not a bad person for making a decision or something happened to like that happened to me. It gave me the confidence to go be the best father I can be.

Dr C: 5:41

Wow, that's amazing. Accountability through love, right?

Shawn Blankenship: 5:46

Through love. It's never a judgment zone with us. Like I don't I'll never look to Joe and judge him for something or shade and judge, and I don't think they've ever looked at me that way. And we or maybe little things.

Che Jansen: 5:58

Yeah, we'll talk for a bad choice on that shirt.

Dr C: 6:02

You gotta hold people accountable for a bad shirt.

Speaker 2: 6:04

I mean, look at yeah, statements. We'll talk later.

Shawn Blankenship: 6:09

Yeah, it's and even when you do get critical love from us, it comes from a place of love, it's not of wanting to make you feel better to put you down. So when you get that trust and confidence, it gives you the courage to feel like it's gonna be okay. So these guys are doing that for me. Yeah, that's a strong support system.

Dr C: 6:26

Yeah, for sure. And so they've known your daughter Shannon for for since she was born, right? Or in the belly, as they say. Yeah, in the belly.

Shawn Blankenship: 6:32

That was the first one of us that had kids. So yeah. Wow, wow.

Dr C: 6:35

And then were you at the hospital? I mean, like, how did how when Shannon was born? How did you, Joe, and and Shay kind of uh experience that with Sean? I thought I had the greatest Sean story ever.

Joe Gorley: 6:47

Tell me. So we came, me and my wife, we came to see Sean and meet Shannon, right? And Shannon was in the uh a high chair, that's what you call it, eating. And so she's eating and she has all the stuff on her shirt. So, like the good dad does, instead of the wife with the shirt, I mean she took her shirt off.

Dr C: 7:06

Right, just take the shirt off.

Joe Gorley: 7:09

So that's what I remember the most. You know, today I still I look at the woman that Shannon become father that Sean is and all his thing. I I snit her at that. It just shows you how uh how men handle men's stuff. Right.

Dr C: 7:22

And and Shannon is an amazing young woman. And so great job with her. And I know that Shay and Joe, she she sees them as their uncles, and she talks very highly about her relationship with Shay and Joe. And the relationship that the three of you have has also impacted her. I'm not speaking for her, I could just conversation that me and her have had, it's impacted her positively, right? And so that's always great to see.

Che Jansen: 7:45

Yeah, it's exposed her to a level of crazy that I'm sure it needs to be your three.

Dr C: 7:53

Everybody needs that in their little bit younger. So, Joe, you mentioned earlier that you can't stay in 1990, right? You can't be a 19, 20-year-old forever. So I'm curious how the support has changed and the challenges of a 20-year-old is totally different than the challenges of a 50-year-old. Right? So, how has the way you support each other's well-being evolved over, you know, since your college days? Gotcha.

Joe Gorley: 8:22

That's a great question. And I think part of it is we don't like to see each other every day, uh, but we always know when to call. I don't know what that is, kind of mystical about that. You always get a call and I need that. And I think it starts with respect, right? And when you have someone that you respect immensely, you love that crook out of me. You want it, right? I want to, I want to make these guys proud. And so as we've got older, I use these guys as sounding boards, and not just, you know, uh politics and those types of things, but you know, fan things and this man stuff and you know how you're feeling, and that we're not afraid to talk about those feelings and things. So I guess it changed from basically having fun to not gonna be around each other playing sports or those types of things, to really being a support network about the holistic self, our entire self, right? And if if you don't share your entire soap with somebody, you're not gonna get somebody's entire soul back. So if you really want that type of intimacy, I guess if you will, in regards to friendship, project, brotherhood, you're gonna have to share it and get. And I think that's important.

Dr C: 9:18

That is important. Can I build another one?

Shawn Blankenship: 9:20

Absolutely. Then I'm gonna give you a specific example that you know where I'm probably going with this joke. I was I it's crazy. Joe is of the three of us, has been the biggest proponent of men's health. Joe is of the three of us. Like, I tend to, and I don't want to stare that, don't be talking shit about this, but we tend to have aches and pains with one off. Joe was on, like, his men's health, all those things. And he and I had a conversation one day, and the accountability, I keep starting back to that work. We had a conversation, and you're on board, right? And he was like, he was talking about his phone out. I said, Oh man, I'm not trying to do all that, blah blah blah blah, whatever. Yeah, you were saying, Sean, uh huh. He said, You owe it to yourself, your daughter, your family. It's what men do. Oh he told me it's counting, and it's so funny. After I got done having it, my mind tell me first person I call, didn't call my mom, you didn't call Shan, I called Joe. I was so friggin' proud. I said, Joe, I got no phone asking me. Wow. He was so proud of me. I was super happy. Yeah, yeah, it was. I won't go to a funeral, right?

Dr C: 10:22

You're right, you're right, absolutely.

Che Jansen: 10:23

I I echo that a thousand percent, and I think that when you respect people, and we definitely respect one another, it allows you to see that you don't have to, I don't have to live through something firsthand in order to learn from it. I'm definitely gonna take Joe's knowledge because I respect him so much. I'm gonna take Sean's experiences and knowledge, and I'm gonna incorporate that into the way that I live. So, you know, Joe uh called me one day, as Joe calls. We'll talk about that. What you doing, Joe? I'm out here walking. You know you gotta walk, right?

Dr C: 11:02

You gotta walk, man. That's right.

Che Jansen: 11:05

Now, it may have been 10 o'clock at night.

Dr C: 11:07

Joe walks a lot of times.

Che Jansen: 11:12

But you know, so I have in and not to the level that he does, but I've incorporated that into my game. Like, okay, you know, he's right. And I can make time. I mean, the something that Joe is really good at is saying, I'm gonna do something, and then making, setting aside the time to do it. And I so I think I I believe we all listen to one another, hear what is going on, and and like, okay, how can I learn from that? How can I improve myself based on you know what my brother is doing because it's making an improvement in his life?

Dr C: 11:45

Yeah. So it's like birds of a feather flock together, right? I think growing up, it's your parents telling you, you become who you hang out with, right? And so I I see We talked about that last night. You had this conversation last night. Interesting. So you become who you, you know, your environment is very important, and who you bring into that environment is very important as well. So what I'm seeing is this level of accountability that comes out of love, that comes out of you all being vulnerable and transparent enough to say, I trust you, and I'm gonna trust you with everything that I have, everything that I am, so that you can then continue to pour into me. And and I every time I've been around the three of you, I've always felt a sense of authenticity, serious, serious love, and accountability to like the highest power, right? And and that's always been very, it's always left an impression on me. And me and Rod always talk about it when we leave. I'm like, man, they're they're some crazy guys, fun, you know, but I love the brotherhood. I love the authenticity that you all share with each other. Can I make a comment about that? Absolutely.

Che Jansen: 12:54

And I apologize for cutting you off before your question, but when you describe to us what the health benefit that you wanted to get from this conversation, something that struck me is that authenticity, right? You cannot receive the benefit of friendship if you're hiding something, if you're not being your true self. I would say the one thing that has sustained us for, you know, we have been friends close to 30 or close to 40 years in total now, is that we come to the party as us. You know.

Dr C: 13:36

It's not coming.

Che Jansen: 13:43

But what's great is that we, you know, we don't have to dress up. We don't have to put anything on. Whenever we talk, whenever we share it, if something's hurting, we let them know it's hurting. If we're not happy about something, we let them know that. If if something hasn't gone right, you know, we've we've gone through job losses, businesses not going right, all that stuff. But I know I could just say it. You know, why why hide it? And they're gonna not only accept whatever it is for what it is, but they're gonna try and do their best to help me with it. And I think we all feel that way.

Dr C: 14:28

We'll see.

Che Jansen: 14:28

Yeah, we'll see.

Dr C: 14:30

Okay, great. Thank you for that. So beyond the obvious support during a crisis, I'm curious to know what's a hidden wellness benefit you get from this bond? So let's start with you, Shay. I know you you started talking about that, but is there a tangible wellness benefit that you get from your brothers from being in these relationships?

Che Jansen: 14:51

Well, the obvious one for me is joy. So invariably, we laugh a lot. Hopefully, it will come through in this podcast. Um we love to laugh and have a good time. So very few conversations that are I don't want to say serious, because we have serious uh discussions, but we treat things with humor. I think that is our love language among each other. You know, whether it is the colonoscopy thing or somebody's having a health issue. I was just telling you before we started about me having back pain uh and going for a massage, and it becomes a comedy routine. Sean is doing his best not to crack it. But uh, but that's how we roll. It is, you know, we laugh, joke calls, and if I'm in the car with my son, my son starts cracking up because he knows something funny is about and and I love that, you know. If nothing else, sometimes, you know, I I wonder, could I what would life be without Sean John? Like if I'm the one that lives outside of the city of Cleveland, so I don't get to see them as often as they might see each other, but we talk all the time. But the one thing that I I need is that levity that they bring to my life and to every situation. I know if if something's heavy, all I gotta do is get on the phone with them, and soon I'm gonna be laughing about it.

Dr C: 16:28

Wow, that's amazing. That laughter is the best medicine, right? So, Joe, what are your thoughts on your hidden benefit, wellness benefit that you get out of this relationship?

Joe Gorley: 16:38

That's a good question. I and I was trying to change for your chicken because he's older. And I was like, Works that I use some fancy words and whatever. But what I what I think about is at the end of it, like when I wake up on Monday and I'm gonna go to work and do the professional joke, I'm refreshed. For lack of a better word. Feels like I just, you know, it's like refreshed. It's like if I don't sound like part of your medicine routine. Like every now and then we meet this kind of de-stressor and Mr. Fun and the unabridged conversations and those types of things. So to me, it it's like a refresher. It's like a little uh hospice almost like you can get away, relax a little bit and I can go back to the room.

Dr C: 17:17

Wow. So you're re-energized every time you're with your brothers.

Joe Gorley: 17:22

Rededicated, actually. A lot of uh other things that happen that Monday. It's like, you know what? They're doing good, I gotta do better. Cool. Have fun, you know, but hey, this is what I want to do. And they talk about a retirement plan. Let's say my retirement plan. It's not just a competition thing, but again, it's that accountability to the point of at the end of it, I I can imagine us, you know, 10 years from now being retired, still doing the same type of things. And yeah, and then you can step that game up a little bit, hopefully. So those are the I just the re-energy is really key for me.

Dr C: 17:51

I love that. What about you, Sean?

Shawn Blankenship: 17:54

Comfort. You know, it's it's maybe a man thing. I'll be a little bit more specific to say a black male thing. The weight of the world is on your shoulders, and sometimes men internalize and distress at the point of the podcast. When you have folks that you can talk to, and you know, especially guys, I know we have you know significant others in our lives, our wives, whatever, they they they get are still support, right? And it can be the the the shoulder. But sometimes those man things and sometimes you're afraid to talk to a man about it. And when you have two guys that you can talk to, and it's like again, zone, I can be comfortable, I can be vulnerable, and and really turning you struggle with the weak, you know, quote unquote, and you know there's gonna be no bullback. Oh man, this guy's on oh man, you got shot, Jesus Christ. What's up? No, I love you. This is what you should do. And this stuff Joe just talked about, like that comfort of like I'm good. I can I almost recalibrate a little bit and I can't do it because not only are we beholden to ourselves, but not almost crazy old guys. Uh but we have the younger generation. How do we help them? So as we go to form our relationships, then we start trying to teach the younger folks coming behind us, be our cousins, our sons, our nephews, close friends, whatever. Like a lot of us mentor young men, young black men. We get to be the model for them and the comfort that I can continue to do in with these folks and be vulnerable, and then they accept me for who I am, and vice versa, gives me the energy to keep going, A, and then B, you know, share that with the folks who behind.

Dr C: 19:27

Wow. I and I didn't even think about each one's each one, right? How how this brotherhood and how your relationship and and all the benefits of it, how it can really be an example to younger individuals and how they form relationships and how intentional they are when they're choosing their social network, right? Choosing their brothers or choosing their support network. So we know friendships fade, and and Shay, you kind of touched on this. And it's one of life's hard truths. We know that people get busy, they move away, they drift, life, life, life is lifing, and by the time you know it, six months have passed, or maybe a year. So you three have actively prevented that over the last three decades, right? Show uh, sorry, Joe and Sean, you both live in the same city, as you said, Shay, and and you don't. So, Shay, what are the practical, intentional things you do to maintain this connection? What's the glue?

Che Jansen: 20:29

Short answer to the glue is Joe. Oh, okay. Because Joe is always, you know, Joe's not gonna let but so much time go by before you're gonna get a call. Okay. And and and then his Joe voice. Hey, what's the but the other thing is that the three of us together, you know, we at when we were in our 20s, we didn't really keep score, but at some point we said, you know, we've gotten together at least once a year, every year since we've known each other.

Dr C: 21:00

That was intentional or not intentional?

Che Jansen: 21:02

Before you Well, before we came to before we had that discussion, it wasn't intentional. Just, you know, we somehow just made sure we had that connection. Since that time, we've definitely made sure at some point we're gonna see each other. And then as life has gone on and we've had families and stuff, you know, there's stuff for the kids that happens. Hey, gotta be there. You know, we make sure that we're intentional about hitting those milestones with one another. You know, one of the great things about our relationship is that so I have two sons, each of them has one daughter. My oldest son happens to be Sean's daughter's age, my younger son happens to be Joe's daughter's age. Oh wow. And they have their own separate relationships.

Dr C: 21:53

They grew up like cousins, right? Because I I hear I hear Shannon saying my cousins, I hear, you know, so exactly.

Che Jansen: 21:59

And so, you know, my son's birthday is tomorrow, but he's having his his 16th birthday party in a couple weeks. Joe's daughter will be there. Um and you know, just a week or so ago, Shannon was traveling, Sean's daughter was traveling for work uh and was in the city where my son currently lives. And we both asked them to take pictures each other, and neither one of them sent pictures. But they do their own thing, and that's an amazing legacy. I love it. And but to answer your question succinctly, it's connection. You you you must be intentional about that connection. Like you said, if you're not intentional, then time goes by and you're like, wow, you know, I haven't seen such and such in so long. But in order to get those health benefits of relationship, I believe there has to be frequency. Right? You know, you you can't take medicine once every other year and expect it to look things up easy.

Speaker 2: 22:58

Yeah, yeah.

Che Jansen: 22:59

You know, you gotta you gotta, you know, invest that time to get the benefit.

Dr C: 23:04

Yeah, yeah. Wow. So let's move into navigating conflict because there's no perfect bond, right? And healthy relationships require navigating conflicts. So, Sean, can you share a time or a general rule how you handle disagreements or hold each other accountable?

Shawn Blankenship: 23:23

Hmm. I think, you know, in all transparency, we've never had a knockdown like rides was upset either, right? We'll have a role of little things. But what I do think to answer the question would be that anything I ever would agree disagree with them or give them feedback on, they know that it comes from a place of love and concern and honesty. It's not from a place of any hidden agendas, it's uh we're pretty direct, like you know, like any direct but with love. Like, you know, Shay's I going back, we all have like we have about the glue in the previous question. Joe is the glue. And I as I mentioned I kind of hinted earlier, we all have roles, and like Shay's like the sage. I I you know, I think we kind of go to Shay because he just uh me and Joe will tend to be a little more, a little more silly, a little more sophomore. Yeah, we're an album energy guy, he's the glue, he he's the the he's the voice for reason. And to go to him and get feedback and and he's always comes from a good place. And when I it's not just feedback, because I it can be something if if I'm you know frustrated with you know, we don't get frustrated with each other because again, we don't probably go, we're not in each other's lives enough to be on each other's nerves. So it's more about the ideology because over the course of our 30 plus years together, have we had some things, of course, we have brought you right and beat Joe up and Tim on his way.

Dr C: 24:58

Um Joe the glue who gets beat up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shawn Blankenship: 25:06

Um when it comes down to giving that feedback, it is always from a place of because I love you and I care about you. It's never of you're wrong, you're bad, it's how you're it's impacting me. And I'm doing this because I love you. And you know, I think because I it goes back to that kind of building, I keep it's gonna be a concurrent theme in this podcast, right? I'm afraid to let them down. So shit, shit to be pissed at me. I don't. I'll feel bad. Or if Joe's mad at me, like Joe and I talk a lot, like Joe, he and I, Joe takes these damn 11 p.m. walks uh to his neighborhood, and he'll call you. And it's like if he's taking the time to do that, he lets him down. Yeah. So I avoid conflict by trying to make sure I'm super accountable to him. But if there is one, it just comes from a place of love. You just say, listen, this is unacceptable. You're better than this. We have a brand that has Zagawa, our line name, as Gamma Theta, our chapter name, and as Myth, our last name.

Dr C: 26:06

Thank you for that.

Joe Gorley: 26:07

Yeah, I yeah, I was thinking about that, reflecting here, because it sounds kind of whack and authentic. Right. But I don't think you've ever had a drawn out, I'm not talking to you out of anger, thing. Which is odd. I know it's odd, and it sounds like you know, not authentic, but I'm trying to reflect on it because I think I owe you the the authenticity here. I can't I can't remember it. That's been frustrations and we'll have a a knop-out debate about the Browns or you know, we'll do all that stuff and we'll we'll talk politics and and those types of things. But it's um it's can be passionate, but I've never gone away and say, man, that I don't that guy that made me feel bad or I just I just never had that. Yeah I don't know. I think that is unique, but I've never not talked to these guys intentions because I was mad. I just can't, I just I just haven't had it just haven't happened.

Dr C: 26:57

So I wonder if that storming, right, happened when you guys were in maybe in college, maybe during your your process, and then after you uh entered Alpha Phi Alpha, I wonder if that was already kind of done, right? The the whole competition, the conflict, the the feeling like, oh, he's saying that because of something else, or feeling jealousy or anything like that. Maybe all that was kind of worked out as you guys your bond grew while you were, you know, going through your college days and maybe through your process of becoming brothers. Maybe what do you think?

Joe Gorley: 27:37

Maybe. You know, I have to look I I want to noodle that a little bit. I think I have to noodle that to give it a the fair assessment. I think at the end of the day, or when I think about um upset about these guys, if if I'm upset with them, I'm gonna be thinking when I do it wrong. Because I think it's it's legitimate from a place of love and those types of things. So if I can imagine these guys, like when I think about friends, and I have friends like well, or you know, you have associates, but then you do things with and you have associates because you do the same activity or that's golf and it's cars or whatever. But you know, when you have real friends, and that friend can that friend will come from a place and say, hey man, you know what? I think you shouldn't do that. I think you shouldn't drive, I think you shouldn't miss. I think you you know I don't like how you talk to your wife a little bit. You know, you might want to check that a little bit, whatever those types of things, and and you can't get mad at that if you believe you truly believe it is coming from a place of of sincerity and legitimate.

Che Jansen: 28:38

I I would add one other thing. I think it helps that there's three of us. I think that and again, I don't think that there's been any like big issues that we've, you know, but I I can if Joe you know might call me and say, Hey, have you talked to Sean a minute? No, I really haven't. You know, he's tripping. Like, where where's he been? Or whatever. And we talk it out like each other, but then we'll both call him. Right, right, right.

Dr C: 29:11

What's going on? So you guys are triaging, right? And then and then holding each other accountable to make it am I am I tripping? No, you're not tripping.

Che Jansen: 29:20

Okay, let's reach out to him. Right, right, yeah, and we're not kibbitching around by each other's backing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like literally like looking at like, hey man, I can't talk to you. Where's that fellow?

Dr C: 29:31

Where's that young man at?

Shawn Blankenship: 29:32

And you things are dressed up as like you have to be part of the conversation. I've had this conversation before, and you know, I I took travel a bit for work and do this, that, the other third, and especially when you know my daughter's young, she was coming up, you get wrapped up in this world, right? And not that I don't love anybody else, but the day to day you can catch it, like you talked about, right? And say, Hey, not even good if he did this. He's not telling me, you know, it's not do this, but he's indirectly telling me this is what we need from you, and you're not hungry in the bar of his ass. So accountants are voiding. Right? It goes back to that accountability. And the only thing I'm gonna add, like, you know, we we'd had this conversation. You look, if you took like a an analysis of the Janssen family, the Blinkster family, and the Groley family, they're very similar. You know, and when you talk about when like you know, uh both our parents are for both our parents in the house. So with that sense of accountability, like the expectations that are put upon you when you come from, you know, strong, strong family, strong sinner. I know both their parents. Strong, strong, right? Expectations, it felt like you talked about it earlier, you know, like you are who you hang out with, you are who raise you. So there's that level of accountability that we all feel with our families, and then when they come out of that family, it's so you know, I don't really argue with my sister. You know, yeah, because there's a lot of accountability that you have to look first yourself before you look at the other folks' folks' actions. I think we've grounded in that too.

Dr C: 30:57

I love that.

Che Jansen: 30:58

And when you're direct with people, that tends to avoid a lot of conflict, like you know, passive aggressive. If if and it it's if it's something like, you know, hey, you know, you're you're being too hard on your child, or you're, you know, give your child some independence, some space to do their thing, we'll just come out and say it. You know? We we may again say it in a in a humorous way, but I think we've known each other long enough to to get through the code words.

Speaker 2: 31:34

Right, right, right, right.

Che Jansen: 31:36

He's saying, okay, he's telling me ease up.

Dr C: 31:38

Yeah. All right. And and so I love that you talk about the the humor, right? The humor that you all kind of you said that's your love language, right? Laughter is your love language, humor is your love language. And it's interesting to to hear that because I see it, right? So I've been around you guys for a couple of years now and and hanging out with y'all and having a great time and all that, but I I see the love through your humor. And when you're cracking on each other and making jokes about each other, you know, it's it's funny, but I never felt like, ooh, ooh, did he really say that? Like I always I instinctively knew that it was out of love. It was just a humorous, you know, crack. And no, none of you changed, you know, your your your face, your attitude. It was just like you took it, you understood it, and you kept it moving. So, you know, laughter is the best medicine, and you guys really have have like perfected that.

Che Jansen: 32:37

I appreciate it too, but I will say that that's an area, a growth area, right? And I think like with with any or with most groups of guys, there are times when you end up being the butt of the joke, maybe through a fault of your own, maybe through no fault of your own.

Dr C: 32:57

Maybe it's the shirt you wear.

Che Jansen: 33:01

And everybody piles on, right? So you may not you may have one of us may have started it, but somebody else jumped in and then next thing you know. And so I think all of us have been in that area. Joe, Joe makes this face that we call the Joe face. And and so, you know, we've we've been there when it probably goes too far, but we've learned how to reel yourself back in. Yeah, and and how to how to uh uh you know kind of cut it off when it's it's getting to another point. All right, you know, he's had enough. But we've won. Leave him alone, leave him alone. Maybe bear it next time.

Dr C: 33:43

So so as we wrap up, many of our listeners are feeling inspired by your by your brotherhood, but might also be feeling lonely. So for someone who's feeling disconnected, what is the first smallest, most practical step they can take this week to start deepening their own social network?

Joe Gorley: 34:01

Risk.

Dr C: 34:02

Risk. Please tell me more.

Joe Gorley: 34:04

Learn how to accept risk. It's harder, right? And that's one of the it's not it's not in the nature. Most people aren't don't accept risk, right? It's not like in the nature of raising conservative and scared of change. But you have to risk something if you want something, right? And so that person that works and you have a water cooler kind of conversation with, maybe go to lunch, maybe have a coffee, do something low risk, but kind of risk something that to see if you can get a relationship with somebody that you can share and cultivate. Don't be afraid of risk.

Shawn Blankenship: 34:34

And to layer on to the risk. You know, not knowing everybody's personal situation and maybe listening to this podcast, you have somebody in your life. Right. And even if you haven't opened up to them, take that risk. But being straightforward, I think it it's when you try to nib on edges, they you're you're you're more not to jump in. So if you if you're very close to somebody and say, hey, listen, I really value our relationship. I trust you. But you know, how how can we be better for each other? And you know, however you want to bring it up in different ways, it's it's exp expand, expand your extending yourself out and in in extending trust to them to say, hey, this is what I'm looking for. Can you help me be better? And I can make me in turn help you better. And maybe it's not for that person, and it's it's a it's a process, but you have to start to take the risk because you know, especially if you get older, uh, you know, typically our our our our principal shrink, right? So it's not like you have a hundred people. So the ones you have, you you need to they need to be a it's not helping you to hurt you. Yeah. And I think being honest and and forthright and and and leaning in, like Joe said, be a uh not being free to expose vulnerability.

Che Jansen: 35:54

I'll I'll segue off of that a little bit. I mean, the first thing I want to say uh as as we come to our close is we thank you very much for having us on the podcast. And in no way, shape, or form do any of us think that we are friendship or relationship experts. We understand there's a great deal of luck that went into Sean Chiang. There's a great deal of luck that went into us forming the friendship we have, and we belong to a great fraternal organization that that molded us through a process that helped us expedite our our relationship. But that said, I would say you have to be authentic and unselfish. You cannot develop whether it's a network or a deeper friendship or any type of relationship that's gonna help you by say, What am I gonna get out of this? We've never, you know, just through the grace of God, been that way with each other. It's never been about one individual. It's always been about us helping and supporting one another. I think that when we first got together, it was to pledge a fraternity. And I think that was the goal. Your husband, Rob, would would probably tell you because he was leading us at that time when we first uh started on that journey, that the goal was to make us see that we were stronger together than we were individually. And I think uh through some extraordinary weirdness, we learned that and we and we grabbed onto it. Yeah, that didn't sound right, but it's okay. No, it was just uh what I meant is an up and down uh process, but you know, we ate a a lot of bad meals together. We had a lot of difficult but interesting conversations with one another, and it all contributes to us learning more about one another and uh figuring out that we needed to depend on one another to reach our goal.

Dr C: 38:06

So reciprocity, right? So reciprocal relationships uh good as diffusive of itself, right?

Joe Gorley: 38:12

I mean, if you're good, good comes back to you. Listen, principle, right? Good as diffusive of itself.

Dr C: 38:18

Love that very scientific reading, for example, and University of Daegan, right? So, Sean, Joe, and Shay, I cannot thank you enough. Your wisdom, your vulnerability, and the living example set for all of us is a true gift. Thank you for being on the Life Podcast. Really appreciate your time.

Che Jansen: 38:43

Thank you, thank you so much, keep doing what you do.

Dr C: 38:47

Wow, what an incredible conversation. As I'm sitting here just reflecting on what we heard, I'm struck by one big idea. True wellness is not about self-care, it's about community care. It's about building a life so strong, so supported, that you can weather any storm. We've learned that these bonds don't survive by accident. They are a choice. A choice to show up, to be vulnerable, to be consistent. So here's a challenge to you. Don't wait. Who is that person who popped in your head while you were listening? That friend you haven't talked to in a while, that person you've been meaning to check on. Your one step for today is to close this app, pick up your phone, and send them a text. Just one sentence. Hey, I've been thinking about you, and I'm grateful you're in my life. That's it. That's the first step. Thank you for investing in your wellness and for being here with us today. Until next time, keep on learning, stay inspired, continue to flourish, and never stop evolving. I'm your host, Dr. C, and this is the Life Podcast.