The Quiet Weight of the Scroll

In this reflective episode of Holding Space on the Mountain, we explore the emotional impact of social media—how it shapes our mental health, influences our relationships, and quietly pulls us into cycles like doomscrolling. Together, we slow down and notice what’s really happening beneath the surface, while gently unpacking how to recognize when it’s time to step away. This episode offers compassionate insight and practical alternatives to help you reconnect—with yourself, your relationships, and the present moment.

Transcript

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Welcome to Holding Space on the Mountain. I'm your host, Amber Surstead. Think of this as a cozy cabin in the forest up on the mountain. A place to slow down, breathe deeply, and talk honestly about grief, growth, and mental health. Here we explore life's peaks and valleys, share stories, and find practical ways to keep moving forward, even when the path gets rough. So, pour yourself a warm drink, settle into a comfortable spot, and let's climb this mountain together. One conversation at a time. I'm your host, Tamber Surstead. There's something I've been sitting with lately, noticing, watching, and even feeling. It's the way that we reach for our phones without thinking. The way our fingers know the pattern before our minds even catch up. Unlock, scroll, scroll, scroll, and lock. It's almost like breathing. Oh. Almost. Except it's not life-giving. And it can be really heavy. And today I want to hold a little bit of space for that. You know that moment when you didn't even mean to open up social media. Maybe you picked up your phone to check the time or send a quick text or to look up something small, and suddenly you're 10 minutes in. 15. 30. And you don't even remember how you got there. That's not an accident. That's design. But more than that, it's also human. Because social media taps into something very real inside of us. The need to feel connected, the need to feel seen, the need to feel like we're not alone on this mountain. And yet, so often we walk away feeling more alone than when we started. So let's slow this down just for a minute. After you scroll, how do you actually feel? Not what you tell yourself you feel, but underneath that, do you feel lighter? Or do you feel maybe a subtle heaviness in your chest? Maybe it's comparison. You see someone else's life, their highlight reel, their wins, their vacations, their relationships, their bodies, their homes, their joy, and something inside you whispers, why not me? Or maybe it's not comparison. Maybe it's overwhelm. Bad news. Tragedy. Crisis after crisis. Your nervous system doesn't seem to get a break. Or even perhaps it's numbness. You scroll so long that you stop feeling anything at all, just blank. That blankness can feel like relief for a moment, but it does come with a cost. Let's talk about something that we don't always name: doom scrolling. That pull that pull to keep scrolling through negative news, hard stories, things that hurt to read, and yet we can't look away. It's like that analogy when you think of a train wreck and you see it's coming, but you can't pull your eyes away. Why do we do that? Part of it is survival. Our brains are wired to scan for danger to pay attention to what can harm us. So when we see something alarming, we stay. We look for more information. Because somewhere deep inside, we believe if I just understand enough, I'll be a bit safer. But here's the actual truth. More information doesn't always bring more safety. Sometimes it brings more anxiety, more helplessness, more emotional exhaustion, and yet we keep scrolling. Because stopping means sitting with what we're feeling, and that could even be harder. Now let's step into something even a bit more tender. How social media shows up in our relationships. Because it does, in quiet ways, and sometimes not so quiet ways. Comparison can creep in here too, in your relationships. You see another couple, they look happy, connected, effortless, and suddenly you're looking at your own relationship differently. You're questioning, you're doubting, feeling like maybe something is missing, even if nothing has actually changed. Or maybe it's conflict, miscommunication through messages, tone that gets lost, assumptions that get made, or feeling hurt when someone doesn't respond, but you know that they're active online. That sting. And it's real. And then there's emotional availability. How many moments have we lost sitting next to someone we love? But both of us are somewhere else. Scrolling, distracted, disconnected. We're physically together, but emotionally miles apart. Here's something I want to gently challenge. Sometimes we're not using social media because we want to. We're using it because we don't want to feel something else. Loneliness, grief, stress, uncertainty. That quiet ache that shows up when everything slows down. Social media becomes a way to fill the space. To avoid silence, to not have to sit with ourselves. And I get that. I really do. Because sitting with ourselves, especially in seasons of grief or pain, that can feel like the hardest thing in the world. But distraction doesn't heal. It just delays. So how do we know? How do we know when it's time to step away? Not forever, just enough time to breathe again. Here are a few gentle signs to notice. When you feel worse after using social media more often than not, when you find yourself reaching for it without intention, when it interrupts your presence with people you care about, when your thoughts start to sound more like comparison than compassion. When rest feels uncomfortable without it. When silence feels unbearable. Those are all invitations, not shame, not failure, just invitations to pause. Now let's be really clear about something. This is not about blaming yourself. Social media is designed to keep you there. You're not weak, you're human. So instead of asking what's wrong with me, maybe we start asking, what do I actually need right now? Do I need connection? Do I need rest? Do I need comfort? Do I need distraction? Because sometimes we do need distraction. But intentional distraction is very, very different than unconscious escape. If we begin to notice that social media isn't giving us what we actually need, what can we reach for instead? Well, not perfectly, not all at once, but just gently. Maybe it's stepping outside, letting your feet touch the ground, feeling the air, letting your nervous system remember what life feels like. Maybe it's music, sitting at the piano, letting your hands speak what words can. Maybe it's reaching out to one person, not a hundred followers, just one safe, real human and saying, Hey, I'm not okay today. Or even, hey, can we just talk? Maybe it's journaling, letting those thoughts come out instead of staying trapped inside. Or maybe it's doing nothing. And I know that feels uncomfortable. But there's something sacred about stillness, even when it kind of feels awkward at first. Sometimes stepping away doesn't mean deleting everything. It just might look like not checking your phone first thing in the morning. Giving your mind a chance to wake up without comparison, or putting your phone down an hour before bed, letting your body rest without absorbing the world's noise. Maybe it's setting a timer or choosing a specific time of the day to check in. Or even asking, why am I opening this right now? That one question alone can change everything. At the end of the day, this isn't really about social media. It's about connection. Real connection. The kind that slows your breathing, the kind that makes you feel seen, not compared, the kind that doesn't ask you to perform. And sometimes the most important connection to come back to is the one you have with yourself. Your thoughts, your emotions, your body, your breath. Because when we lose that connection, we start reaching for anything that helps us to not feel that loss. Even if it doesn't actually fit. So maybe today you don't need to make a big, massive change. But just maybe you just notice. You notice when you reach for your phone. Notice how you feel before and after. Notice what you might actually be needing in that moment. And if anything else, or if nothing else, give yourself permission to pause, even for just a minute, for just a breath. Because that space, that that quiet, that's where you come back to yourself. You don't have to carry everything you see. You don't have to absorb every story. You don't have to scroll to stay connected. You're already here. And that's enough. I hope that this episode has left you feeling a little less alone and a little more understood. As always, be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Until next time, this is Holding Space on the Mountain, and I'm your host, Amber Surstead.