Michelle Parker on freeskiing, pregnancy, and living alongside grief

Michelle Parker is a multi-hyphenate winter sports athlete and filmmaker who has been skiing since she was one year old. This past year, her life has gone through many changes. Her dad passed away after a long illness, she and her partner got pregnant, and she moved houses. Now in her third trimester, she’s had a lot of time to process both the death of her father and the prospect of bringing new life into the world. 

Michelle joined Sarah and Hannah to talk about all of this, including what it’s like to be an adrenaline junky and pregnant, learning to accept death from an early age within the community of winter sports athletes, and how she envisions her career changing after becoming a mother. 

You can follow Michelle at @myshellparker

Instagram: @talking.over.you

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Welcome to Talking Over You with Sarah Sturm and Hannah Sturm. Here we go. If you're gonna be an be funny. At least be funny. I thought it was a man coon. We need to have like a real athlete on here. It makes me consider different careers every time I have to pee in my chamois. Okay. Hi. Yay! Welcome, Michelle Freaky Parker. I'm like, this is so cool. I'm so excited to have you on the podcast. Thank you so much for joining us.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Really fired up to be here.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

Oh my god. It's nice to meet you. It's so nice to meet you. I so we we've had a couple of other guests on the pod, and we've historically done an insanely bad job of introducing who they are. We just dive in to talking. Um and so I'm gonna do my best at like giving a very general because this is I feel like we have like mostly like endurance cyclists who listen. Um, but that's not to say people I'm sure a healthy percentage of them know who the fuck you are. Um, but in case you don't, let me just, unless you want to do no Sarah, do it. Okay. Hell no, I'm not sure. No, I was like, I always hate that. Okay. So uh Michelle, you are one of the most versatile and well-known, if not like leaders in the sport of skiing, um, specifically big mountain and free skiing or backcountry. You're gonna have to correct me on how you actually say those things. But you started, which what what's interesting to me is like you started with alpine racing and then you went into these other forms like slopestyle and half pipe, which are terrifying. Um, and you were really decorated and all those things, but you just kind of kept picking new stuff that was maybe more true to what you were excited about and feeling for you know your career. I don't know if they that was one of my questions, if they're intentional, but you then have blossomed into this like um I was gonna say, I don't know, Hannah Fillin. Sorry, my brain is slowly being consumed by babies.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

I can add to that, like, yeah, keep going, keep going here. For me, it's always been about evolution. And like, I think if I did the same thing for so many years in a row, I would get bored. And that like happened kind of like I was like, okay, slope style's awesome, but I don't want to spend all my time skiing in the park. And I also really don't like competing against everyone else. I want to like, if anything, compete against myself and make myself better. So like that's where filming came in, and then taking those tricks into the backcountry and doing a little bit of urban stuff, which for those of you that probably don't know, that means hitting like rails in the streets and um and then that blossomed into like the more you know about avalanche safety and the mountains. And I started, you know, climbing, like you start getting into mountaineering and like all these endurance aspects of my sport, like traverses, and so yeah, for me, I've always like the more you know, the more the mountains open up to you. And in surfing or in water sports, for example, there's this thing called a waterman, and they are the people that do it all. Kylenny is a perfect example. Yeah, the double head tip. Um Kylenny, he's like a windsurfer, he's a foiler, he's a big wave surfer, he's like does tricks, he does everything in the water. And for me, I've always admired that and like tried to garner all the skill sets to be in the mountains, including like mountain biking and including mountain climbing, like rock climbing, and all these things because like then the world's your oyster, you can do whatever you want. So I guess that's what it takes.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Yeah, no, it's so I I love that. And I was trying to think of a better word for pioneer before because I feel like that word is just overplayed. But I've learned not to do that when you're pregnant because I don't know about you, but my brain is being slowly consumed by this baby inside of me. Um I I have so many questions about that because it seems like like you're just following like exactly what you just said. Like what is interesting to you? You you wouldn't still like even if you wouldn't still be in alpine racing for so it just wouldn't be who you are, what you were interested in doing, and you've pulled from all these like you're very creative in that sense. And it seems like you've made your career um exactly what you wanted to chase. Is that is that more like are there other people doing that in skiing? Like how this is a blunt question, but like how do you make money doing that? Because like you moved away from like traditional racing. Damn Sarah, I was literally gonna say, How'd you get into skiing? Sarah's hitting me with the 12-part question. I thought you have a pumpkin. I'm like, it it feels like it feels like sort of ish privateer model, which is like kind of what Payson and I are in cycling. You're gonna watch Hannah and I fight over the mic.

unknown 5:02

I know.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

Which is like a way Put it down. Put it down.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

But yeah, I think well, yeah, the competition side, ski racing, like the top 1% of ski racers make a ton of money, right? Like they're Michaela Schiffer and Lindsay Vaughn, they're ballin', and then like it trickles down from there. And I think in what I do is like I'm technically like a free ride athlete, so I film video parts, I get published in magazines, I go on tour with those videos. Like, I'm the athlete in the videos, and I have a lot of in-person interaction, and yeah, I've kind of like built my career on that for the most part, and then I have sponsors, and so those sponsors pay me to represent them in the films.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

And you've been in big films, like I was looking through just like adapt like dabbled into like the ones that you've been in, and I've seen them, which is crazy because I don't watch ski films and I know the dire like you've been I mean you've been in a lot of really big films, so it makes sense. I was just sort of like curious how that how you made that trait, like was that scary, or were you young enough where you're like, fuck the money, I'm just gonna do it. I was young enough and I was like, fuck the money.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Yeah. Like I was like, this is my biggest passion in life, so I'm just gonna follow it and see what happens. And like at one point when I was probably 20, I lost all my sponsors. I had a really big knee injury and like yeah, lost everything and was like, Well, I could do what I could go to school, I can be whoever I want to be, but like I'm gonna keep trying at this one more like really big shot. And within a year of that, I like got on Red Bull and like everything lined up again. So that was a crazy, very condensed phrase or method.

SPEAKER_02 6:41

You weren't on Red Bull before your injury. Correct. Wow. Can we go? Can we go like way far back? I'm just so curious about like your childhood and how you got into this. Sorry, I don't know. We just jumped right in. Apologize. Like, yeah, I'm curious where you grew up, and also where are you now? You know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Yeah. Um, I am in Tall City right now. I grew up in the valley called Palisades or Olympic Valley, it's like eight miles away from where I am.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

Cool.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Um, I was born and raised there, and my mom, it was her dream to live in that specific valley for so long. She used to babysit up here when she was younger, and her and her friends had this thing where they got their kids on snow before they turned two. So I couldn't really tell you how I got into it. I just know my mom pushed me into it. That's how you got into it. Yeah, I was a one-year-old and we went skiing, and I don't remember anything. So it's actually really hard for me to like instruct people sometimes because I'm like, you know, I couldn't tell you how I learned.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

Totally. I struggle with that. Dylan, uh, my husband is the same way with mountain, well, and skiing. He just did it all so young. He's also just a bad teacher. He's like just really good at he has what you have, like the daredevil gene is just natural with him. And I'm like, but how do you turn?

SPEAKER_00 7:54

That's a funny one during pregnancy, I will say. I'm discovering.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

Yeah, I'm curious about the daredevil. Okay, so you guys both I think have this like daredevil thing. And I well, you do have it a little bit. I mean, you have it a lot more than I do, but like when you see like this big objective and something that's like scary and risky, like what happens in your body? Like, what does the adrenaline feel like? Because I for somebody who does not have that, like for me, I see like scary things and I'm like, nah, I'm out, I don't want to do that. But something different, there's something different that happens. So, like, what what does that feel like for you? Oh, good question.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Yeah, I think I think of it as a challenge. And like if I'm looking at a line that I know I can ski and I feel scared, it's because I'm imagining myself, I'm visualizing myself doing it. And that like challenge is something that makes me feel really vulnerable and it makes me come alive. And it like if I'm visualizing it, that means I think I can do it. Like, I do not drop in unless I know I can ski this line, like and stop it. Do you know what that kind of risk taking?

SPEAKER_01 8:53

Do you picture the entire like every like turn of it?

SPEAKER_02 8:57

Like, can you picture yourself doing every part of it?

SPEAKER_00 8:59

That's been a big part of me. Like, I stand at the bottom, I take a million photos, I look through a monocular, and I study the line. So I know what like I know where every turn's gonna be. Wow. And I have my plan A and have my plan B. If shit hits the fan, I'm gonna exit and do this. But like, generally speaking, I'm so like zoned in on it that I'm gonna do what I'm saying I'm gonna do. The only thing that's gonna throw me off is like an avalanche or something. Yeah, that's like such a critical part of what I do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

Or if I tomahawk, but yeah. I have like goosebumps, like I I know I I would not be as eloquent in describing that feeling because I I feel like I have a lot more fear than you do, and I convince myself like at that moment that you're like, I've got this. I feel like I usually convince myself out of something if I've stayed there for too long.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

Fear is relative though, like with what you do. I freaking stood on the start line of Rebecca Rush's private Idaho, and I was shitting myself and had a freaking backpack on. I was wearing spandex and everything, had my backpack on, stuffed with snacks and water, and Rebecca was like, Why do you have a backpack? There's like eight stations. I was like, snacks!

SPEAKER_01 10:06

I don't know if I shovel rope.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

Like, I just wear a backpack doing what I do.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Yeah, like what if you get hungry? That's so reasonable.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

I've been doing this since I was one, it's pretty normal. And it's like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:18

It's true. That is true. And objectively, like, I mean, if you're really looking at at like the danger of things, I think road riding is probably more dangerous than any big mountain ski. Like, I mean, injuries may be like more likely with what you do, but like road biking exercises and road racing. Anyway, we don't even need to get into that. I loved I love hearing how you approach scary shit like that. And I feel like maybe I don't want this whole podcast to be about your pregnancy, but I feel like it's I would be remiss if I didn't draw that connection into pregnancy because it's for me, it's been this process of you know, you don't really have as much information as you would want, and there's a lot of anxiety that you can carry into this thing, and there's like a finish line and a goal, but you don't really know when and where that's gonna be. And that's what I've struggled with, and I'm so curious like how you're taking all of your experience of all the years that you've done what you've done into this totally new chapter of parenthood and motherhood and pregnancy.

SPEAKER_00 11:25

It's so fascinating because we're all so different and it hits us so differently. So, like, I knew that I wanted to have a family for a really long time, and I'm gonna get a little deep here, but my dad passed so yeah, my dad passed away in October. Um, I had been caregiving for him for the last three years, my whole family. Oh my god. And that's been like this beautiful balance of like reprioritizing my life and learning how to stay put a little bit more and balancing my career. I did have like good boundaries with it. My dad was my number one cheerleader, so I knew he wouldn't want me to like walk away from my career, but I stayed home a lot more, and somehow I pulled it off. Like, I'm really proud of the way that I like did it. Um, and when he, you know, I had him in hospice, he passed away at my home, and I was holding his hand and I was like, we're gonna start a family, like, we're gonna try. And then, yeah, fast forward till December is when we got pregnant. And I think so deeply that my dad and my baby's souls were like intermittent in the galaxy, and like that they have met and spent time together, and that it was his gift, and he knew that I wanted this. Um, my husband and I, we've been together for 10 years, and well, yeah, this is a crazy year. We got married in August. Dad passed away in October, found out we were pregnant in January, listed my house for sale in January, bought a new house like a month ago, moved our entire life, like it's been a lot. Oh my god. To bring it full circle with your question is like, I've always said my biggest fears are losing my dad and giving birth. And I yeah, I like held my dad's hand through him passing. And it was like, I'm still grieving him very much, but it was one of the most beautiful processes of what we are all gonna go through that I've ever been through. And it honestly made me so comfortable with death. It made me, I'm so sure because of what I witnessed, and not to get all spiritual because people have different belief systems, but like I like I know he was protected. I had this wild incident with an owl outside the house on multiple occasions. Owl are very well known for being protectors from one life form to the next. And like I had a conversation with an owl, and my husband was there. I was like, Can you just protect my dad moving on from this life to whatever's next? And the owl was like, and I was like, whoa, okay. And Aaron looked at me like, what? And then I waited for so long and I was like, Thank you, Al. And it was like, and then like the wings and it was gone. And that was the moment I was like, my dad's gone, and the owl's protecting him, and like we're good, and that was beautiful, and like he's in a happier, he's like pain-free, he doesn't have dementia anymore.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

Like, oh, how does that yeah, how does it then change? You know, if your biggest fears were, you know, your dad passing and giving birth, then I imagine there's some different things that change in your mental from like going from okay, now you've seen your dad pass and you were you felt the beauty and the strength in that. Yeah, then how does it change how you approach then giving birth and the fear piece in that?

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Couldn't be more on it. Because now I'm like, okay, these are two of the things that none of us can escape. We're all gonna like either be birthed or give birth, or like lose someone we love and die. And they're two of these things that I feel like in our culture we don't talk about enough and we don't um make them like these comfortable processes. Not that they're comfortable, but they're beautiful. They are, they just are, and like sometimes they're not. Sometimes they're really fucking rugged. Like that's true also. But in this instance, like well, oftentimes they are both.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Like you get to hold you have to hold both of these things because you can't have all of this beauty without, you know, all of the hardship that comes with it. But our society is so like used to being comfortable, you know, that we don't get to we're not we don't want to feel the discomfort that comes hand in hand with some of the beauty that we get from, you know, hundreds of the dichotomy of these things.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

And interestingly, like learning about the birth process, and like I don't for I just called and signed up to have a doula or signed up. I just called a doula today. And I'm meeting her in like two weeks. She's an old family friend. Um, her husband was my ski coach, and I love them. But like I don't have like a specific birth plan in mind, but reading about birth, it's like in Japan, they hardly ever use any sort of pain medication. That is because in our culture, we view that as discomfort, and like they have a different view and perception of that. So it is so fascinating to learn about, but it is. I'm like, thank you, Dad. You've made me like far more comfortable with this life that we're living and like all of this birth, death, everything. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

Yeah, it puts so many things into perspective and shifts, I imagine, just yeah, everything. Wow, you were a caretaker for three years?

SPEAKER_00 16:07

Yeah, part-time. My mom did the most of it, and my brother was there, probably more than me for sure. Um, but yeah, the three of us absolutely knocked it out of the park. My dad was in such good hands, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:17

So your family is incredibly close, is what I'm hearing.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

We yeah, yeah, for sure. But my dad was like my right-hand guy, like that he was my best friend for sure. Um biggest cheerleader, like we just saw eye to eye. We were like really tight, even through dementia. Like, yeah, sometimes he wouldn't take his meds, and my mom would call me and be like, Can you like talk to dad and convince him? And I would usually over the phone be able to get him to like do it, and we just had a really good thing going. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

Did he did he ski? Like, did you guys share that together?

SPEAKER_00 16:48

We shared, he was a professional tennis player. He played in the Australian Open. And yeah, he was uh quite the athlete and quite the competitor, and he was so funny, but always like the thing he taught me the most was good sportsmanship. Um so good. Uh he was solid to the earth, but I think he just fully trusted in my ability to follow my dreams as a skier. Like my parents both never once questioned me when I was like, I'm not going to college for one year, two year, three years, and then like it was a full-fledged career, and they just never questioned me. And I was always like, oh, that's kind of wild. Like, I was just like a ski bomb. I was like so young and like, yeah, they just trusted. And I think that's because of his background and the way that they lived their life very untraditionally.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

Well, you were probably also just a pretty commanding kid, too. You know, like I think I mean, I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of human beings, you know, we create. And I think you just kind of have to let go at some point and just like let them do their thing.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

I mean, guidance, there's some guardrails, I think, but like for the most part, them totally trusting in me was one of the most beautiful gifts they could have given me.

SPEAKER_02 17:58

So you after you graduated, you like skied all through high school, and did you compete in high school and grow and growing up?

SPEAKER_00 18:05

Yep. X games, like the first ever X games for women, and that's I did that in high school and yeah, when I was young.

SPEAKER_02 18:13

And then yeah, what did what did the transition into being pro and and yeah, what did that look like?

SPEAKER_00 18:19

Back in the day, there was like eight of us like internationally competing in slopestyle and half pipe and I'm sorry, but yeah, it's part it's like Sarah's so embarrassed.

SPEAKER_01 18:31

No, I'm not in the in the park. So there's like jumps and rails. Got it. Yeah.

unknown 18:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Slopestyle in the half pipe. Yeah. That feels so cool. Yeah, sorry. That was actually Sarah who asked that. Uh Sarah doesn't know what slopes. We can sometimes get away with that if people aren't watching and just listening because our voices sound really similar. So um, for people who are listening, that was Sarah that asked the studio.

SPEAKER_02 18:53

Yeah, it was it was Sarah who's a total idiot and didn't know style ones when we're interviewing a professional's fucking skier. It's not my gig to know what people do. It really isn't. I love hear what you have to say. I also was like, I don't know, when I hear slopestyle, I just think of all the scary stuff that like requires a lot of like balance and athleticism.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

Yeah, and a few blown knees. And a few blown knees. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

Have you had multiple? I just read about the big one in 2009 that you said you got injured. You did your research. I did my research. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Um, yeah, I've had six knee surgeries. Whoa.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

Okay, see, my research didn't tell me that. It's kind of just like a part of the job. Yeah. And you just keep going. You just can you can't. Do you have any meniscus?

SPEAKER_00 19:44

I do have meniscus. They have been able to sew that thing up and it's healed really well. Yeah. Crazy. I've had really incredible orthopedic surgeons. But yes, I have never like I have always wanted to keep going. Like it's never gone my way. I know a lot of people, it's a mental thing to do. I can't even imagine. But like, when you're addicted to skiing, you're not gonna not do it. Like, so can I get your hot take?

SPEAKER_02 20:08

Sorry, since we talked about it. Like, I'm sure everyone asked you this, but like when Lindsay had her crash this year, like and and just her like going back. Lindsay Vaughn. Lindsay Vaughn. Yeah, I don't know why I said Lindsay, like I know her. I don't know her at all. Our pal, we talked about her one time on the floor. Yeah, yeah. But like, what was your take on her like going back and then like getting it having another crash and getting injured again? Like, is that just like truly like part of the game, or like is that just a mental thing?

SPEAKER_00 20:41

For someone like Lindsay, that is truly a part of the game. Like, she is like one of the what like I don't have the exact stats, but like the oldest racer right now to like she had a partial knee replacement. She like found this guy in Florida to repl like do this partial knee replacement at 40 or something like that. And then, like, I don't know, for me as an athlete who like I'm probably gonna need a partial knee replacement pretty soon.

SPEAKER_03 21:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:05

Um, with what I've done to my knees. I'm like, holy shit, that is so badass. And then she was just like, Oh, I feel good enough. I can race again. Like, I'm gonna go back and do this. And like she was gonna like win or do what she did. You know, like that's her way of competing, and I have so much respect for that. And like, I think a lot of people speculated and were like, Were you really ready? Like, she had that fall before the Olympics too, and like it's just part of it. Fuck yeah, totally. And like it's not it's reckless if you think of it in that way, but it's also like pushing the human spirit and like the capability that she has, like, so incredible. She came back. She was she was like on the podium all year, like so badass.

SPEAKER_02 21:48

It's so it was so like honestly, I felt like a little bit basic because I'm like, of course, I'm following like the Lindsay Bond and like, but like it was amazing. I mean, and I think she got a lot of scrutiny too just because she's a woman as well. Like I feel like people really doubted her because of that. So I think I mean I was really rooting for her. I just don't know how I don't have any perspective on that that sport at all. Other than it seems like it's the scariest type of skiing.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

That's so gnarly. Yeah. You're going so fast down the hill in a tiny skin tight speed suit like falling on basically icy concrete. Like it's so scary. With blades.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

With fucking knives attached to you. I don't know. Free skiing looks pretty fucking scary too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

It is also well like what I do like I we lose people. Like we lose like people die. And then also you blow your knees a lot. You have a lot of injuries. There are you know brain or like concussions and that kind of stuff. But I think that like our sport and base jumping are like really freaking gnarly. But same with like I don't know riding your bicycle on the road like you said. Like it's happening more and more and it's so sad and so frustrating.

SPEAKER_02 22:59

Yeah it it just like it's sort of how you assess risk and and like and I've had an interesting experience with this while being pregnant and I don't know if you have had this as well but like the inner judgment but then also like the external judgment of like I well I guess it's been not so much the ski season when you've been pregnant but like did you did you feel like you were reframing like what you did when in the earlier months of your pregnancy because maybe you were still although we had a shitty s snow year little weird snow year. Yeah so I don't know if that like applies to you but I've been questioned I've never been questioned by anyone this sport until now and I've really never even questioned Yeah what does that look like for you yeah myself. So I'm just curious what your experience is.

SPEAKER_00 23:50

Yeah you probably had more questions. We had such a weird snow year that and to be quite frank I need a scope on my knee to clear out some like bone chips that are in there. So those two things together yeah that's fun. Which I was like I don't think I can do this while I'm pregnant. Anyways I can still ski but skiing happens to hurt the most but yeah so like those two things together was like the universe is telling me to chill because if I felt 100% and it was snowing a ton then I would have to check myself. Yeah um I felt I went to Norway and I like did a bunch of human powered stuff cool and was able to like hike cool arts and ski down them and like I kind of held back but I like didn't really feel like I needed to I felt like myself human powered stuff as opposed to heli skiing yeah or riding a chairlift or like that felt safer to me at the ski resort I was like this is sketchy there's people everywhere I don't trust them. I trust myself but in Norway like yeah I skied like this sick cool art and like I we had like a media team and the photos I'm like oh my god I just look like this huge pregnant lady skiing down this cooler like that looks bizarre to me but that night was the first night I felt the baby kick. Oh cool so awesome yeah I was like oh you love that because it was like the most fun run of my life I was like we're doing this together like I felt this connection and oh that's so cool. Yeah it was so how many so how many months were you in your second trimester second trimester I think I was like around 23 weeks wow how so how far along are you now now I'm at um I'm in the third trimester.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

Yeah if you just had your glucose test then you're here I would have been yes I'm at 29 weeks and change.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Yeah okay so you guys are pretty close.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

Yeah yeah yeah I know I was like is that your due date when you were asking to book the podcast I was like when are you oh yeah I know I was no um I'm due at the end of this or yeah this month the end of this month oh yeah I'm in September yeah yeah cool I know like reframing risk like I went out on my mountain bike one day and I like at one point I had my dog with me I was like oh just do like a dog walk but it had just rained and I was like oh sick the dirt's really good and then I kind of like on the downhill I just like let it rip and I was I got down and I was like this is dumb like I can't really put the brakes on for myself super easy so I just like have been playing a ton of golf okay so you're you're an all or none yeah you have to completely avoid totally that is what I discovered I'm like I don't really want to go futz around like that's not as fun as hitting the jumps and like that's really funny that's so funny. But I've been in the gym and I've been yeah so into golf.

SPEAKER_02 26:31

I mean I love I really love that for you what are you wearing oh my dude that is like a crux I'm like how do you dress for golf oh yeah for anything uh but yeah as a pregnant person yes Sarah apparently only wears overalls now which does seem like the worst thing to wear when you're pregnant but yeah you've been wearing a lot of overalls you can lose look at that's each trimester pregnancy oh my god and those are pregnancy overalls or no no no they're just from the gap like sick I've been refusing to buy maternity clothes I've had a bunch of girlfriends give me stuff and that's awesome. I bought some yoga pants per a pregnant uh maternity yoga pants and those have been great when I just like don't because nothing I mean I don't know it's hot as shit here and Colorado is just on fire at the moment so like it's really nice to talk about skiing and I'm really hopeful that it starts raining here at some point so we don't have to evacuate while I'm giving birth but oh my gosh but anyway finding sorry I'm also on like a a bouncy ball um did one yeah but finding I'm I'm like trying to make it the whole pregnancy without having to buy fucking maternity clothes. And I mean maternity bike clothes don't really well not within my sponsor they don't exist so totally but I am I know I've been look I've been like should I order some like just extra big bibs and stuff like this. There are there are a coup I'll text you the name of the brands um after the the podcast but there are some that make like maternity friendly bike shorts.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

And then I've just been wearing Dylan's shirts I just took over the husband's closet he's like I love it when you wear my clothes and I'm like yeah well you don't have a choice yeah good I'm glad you like it my sp my incredible sponsor Arcteryx I definitely ran through like I ordered like four different sized bibs this year because I was like shit they would arrive and I'd be like I'm already big I'm too big for these like those are somewhat yeah so did you notice like any balance discrepancies when you were skiing like pregnant I also haven't felt is that a thing that some people feel yeah yeah especially when you enter your third trial I've had weird symptoms what what's going on with you yeah oh my God this is the part that I'm like you could do a skit on this like let's hear it as you know well okay I have really bad carpal tunnel oh I have heard about that yes yes I had a friend who got that really badly it went away it went away when she gave birth so totally so like the recommended thing for forever I resisted this but you have to sleep with wrist braces on yeah oh yeah laugh it's freaking funny and so like every night I go to bed my husband's like it looks like you're going rollerblading and I'm like totally I've got the pregnancy pill up and then I have my braces on I have my electrolytes I like started getting leg cramps like waking up at 5 a.m with the freaking gnarliest calf cramp.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

Yes it's calves oh my god I'm just screaming yeah oh my God no Dylan does not I cannot wait to tell him that you get leg cramps because he is convinced it's because I've been doing too much and I'm like no I'm not like it really is just the most fucked up like Charlie horse leg cramp in the middle of the night.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

I swear I drink like 32 ounces of electrolytes in the middle of the night.

SPEAKER_02 29:53

Yeah because that's easy about it. Yes also that before it doesn't really like help though I've but the first time it happened oh it helped mine I'd never gone away the first time it happened Aaron fully thought I was going into labor.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

Oh because I was like yeah you can't breathe yeah totally and then he's like oh my god babe what is happening and I was like I see a cramp a guy like I couldn't even talk yeah I've noticed if you just flex try to flex your toes up but I'll be like double cramped and my toes will be like pointing down you supposed to just put weight on your leg what you're supposed to just like stand up and put weight on the leg yeah but if your toes are pointed and it's cramped you can't dippy toe.

SPEAKER_02 30:37

Yeah yeah it's so fucked up it just was like a very sorry I feel like I'm just screaming into that. I know I also realized we didn't ask Michelle to put headphones on. Oops yeah I j it's okay I just realized that oh we were distract well I hope that it's recording sorry I mean it's doing something it's just maybe not going to be wait so you used to have a podcast or still have a podcast?

SPEAKER_00 30:58

I don't still have a podcast I really enjoyed doing it. What was it? Um it was called care less do more like care less about what people think of you and what people are gonna say and just fucking do it is kind of the premise behind it. Yeah I know I kind of want to you guys are inspiring me it's so fun to have long form conversations that I interrupt you though like I really am into it.

SPEAKER_02 31:19

Me too you're well you're great and I you have such an interesting compelling story so it makes sense that you would want to do this. I it's my favorite form of media I would delete my Instagram in a freaking heartbeat if I could but I can't so I've been walking a ton lately with my dog and like podcasting all the way oh yeah I love it.

SPEAKER_00 31:39

I hear I what kind of dog do you have she's at a lovely yellow lab that is such a lab yesterday I took her out she broke into my neighbor's house ate a bunch of food and then I got her out of there and like within five minutes she had eaten eaten the dead bird on the side of the trail she's like you're just you are what you are like this is okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:00

Michelle you're gonna be such a great say she's all or nothing I wonder where she gets it from I'm picking up on just a couple of similarities here like I don't know I'm not saying you eat dead birds but you know you do huck yourself off of mountains. So like maybe there's some similarity there.

SPEAKER_00 32:16

No it's so true. My mom was like she's just like how you were my mom said that when I was like three years old, the second I could do my own Velcro shoes I'd put them on and be like all right mom we'll see you later and she'd be like what are you doing? And I'd be like I'm gonna go for a run and I would just run laps around the house and come in and be like I feel so much better. And at least I knew how to take care of my energy problem. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

You were really yeah you just knew how to get shit done. I'm so Sarah kind of did that with a rollerblade.

SPEAKER_01 32:44

Sarah'd strap on her rollerblades and rollerblade rollerblade around the house. Really? Yeah you don't remember doing that and then down like I never figured out how to go down the driveway that was that was too much for me.

SPEAKER_00 32:55

It was way too steep but Sarah was like jumping and doing tricks super cool my rollerblade I'll actually just stay here and uh play The Sims Yeah I my baby's gonna be super reckless and super hyper like me or husband I was just gonna say what's your husband like chillest oh that's good he's like a musician an artist a photographer he's like so lovely nicest person ever.

SPEAKER_02 33:21

I'm like you're gonna be chill or just really hyper or maybe a lovely balance of both things. Wait do you know if you're having a boy or girl we do not know. We're also are you gonna wait yes yeah yeah yeah waiting. Have people been weird weird with you about it also like just being like why don't you find out we need to know most people like have to know and I'm like I just think the baby would be healthy like I totally I know I felt this like I have some really close friends having babies too and they all found out which I I get for them but I'm like oh it's so crazy like I just we for a split second we were like we wanted to know and then we were like no this is a cool like surprise and our parents were like yeah you should you should just wait because I think it's like a generation thing too like a lot of our parents' generation I think didn't know um I mean there was a lot less information that you could know totally I just I mean I don't think my mom had to take the gestational diabetes test. No yeah so okay how did that go?

SPEAKER_00 34:20

Did you have to chug that warm ass seven up this morning yeah yeah I failed the first one which apparently is really common. It is and apparently it's like I was like on chat GPT being like what did I do wrong? Like I've been eating so healthy I've been like super doing everything right it feels like a slap in the face and they're like it's just genetics and how your placenta like deals with insulin or whatever. Anyways yeah so I chugged a hundred milligrams of sugar water at 7 30 this morning and then got my blood drawn like four times and I think when I get off of this podcast I'll find out.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

Oh my god diabetes or not but I hope you don't I hope you don't so if you fail you get another chance yeah well if you fail the one hour then you take this like three hour test.

SPEAKER_02 35:06

Yeah I'm I hope that you passed.

SPEAKER_00 35:09

Me too I was kind of like I think this will be chill but like you fast like I fast all night took it at 7 30 the second the clinic opened and then like I didn't get to eat until basically 11 a.m and like I have been ravenous this entire pregnancy and I was like I walked up the driveway and I was like shaking and I was like told Aaron I was like at 11 a.m there better be breakfast like when I walk in that door it was crazy.

SPEAKER_02 35:32

Oh for sure I felt like that was literally the only part of the pregnancy process that my job as a professional cyclist has prepared me for is drinking a fuckload of sugar when you don't want to drink it and then like having your body like process I mean it is genetic but like yeah like just knowing how to get that sucker down. I was being a real bitch about I thought that I would be able to talk about the jelly beans again. God we've heard about the jelly beans I need to know she thought she could eat the jelly beans and they told her that she couldn't eat the jelly beans for the test and it's been a it's been a thing. We've talked about it on the podcast enough what jelly beans so you could instead of go ahead Michola on my side so before I took the test my dual was like have them give you the jelly beans instead of like you can eat jelly beans and they count out how many jelly beans you get no way and you could eat them instead of the drink but then there was this new paper that was published in the time that I like was waiting to get my glucose dust and they they learned that it wasn't as accurate with the jelly beans and I could not fucking let it go. Dylan was in the appointment with me and he turned to me and he's like you need to drop it the jelly beans ironically like I was right before my last test and we have a new bookstore in town which we desperately needed and I went in there.

SPEAKER_00 37:02

A new bookstore oh it's like my favorite place to hang out. So in between my blood draws I was just in there looking at books.

SPEAKER_01 37:09

Oh and they have a whole wall with a bunch of candy like really fun candy and I like started looking at the back I was like how many milligrams is in this package because why couldn't I have just eaten sugar rather than drink a hundred milligrams straight.

SPEAKER_02 37:22

And it's hot it's like warm. It's not great a bookstore with a bunch of candy that sounds like my dream screw the wine I want candy candy and wine we have candy we have some candy expensive candy it's nice candy I bet this is expensive okay so we'll put your fucking jelly beans in there okay wait I was thinking about skiing which is crazy um but you know like for Sarah's job right she has like all of these races and that's how she like figures out what her schedule looks like um how does it work for you for like knowing what the next objective is like do you come up with these ideas? Do your sponsors what does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 38:01

It's so spontaneous and it's like really ingrained in me to be spontaneous because it's totally weather and snowpack related so like sometimes you have to book a lodge or something like if you're going to this like cat skiing lodge you have to book it in advance or the human power lodge like you can't move those those dates around because they're pretty set in snow or even like heli time but for the most part like I've leaned into the human power side of things a lot more which means you just like are looking at the weather like and the snowpack like two weeks in advance and then you're like okay we it's gonna be on in Jackson Hole like we better go there or it's gonna be totally on in uh Alaska we're going there or like Japan whatever so you try to be fluid with that but it's really hard to get your whole cinematographer team your photographer to be super flexible so sometimes you get skunked and you just go and there's not good snow or there's like shitty avalanche conditions and you can't do much.

SPEAKER_02 38:56

And so a job for you looks like you know figuring out conditions and then getting like like the whole point of it is to get like content from it. Is that like the main totally so job part?

SPEAKER_00 39:09

Yeah I guess you do it there's a few different ways like I've done I've mostly filmed with match productions um for like 20 years probably I have segments with them which is awesome and then at one point I wanted to like again evolution I wanted to produce my own content so I teamed up with Red Bull and I made a series called Originate. We did that for three years and it was a total hustle we made like multiple episodes per season and they were all like really high quality beautifully done um but that I think is an interesting way to approach your season because you kind of have to guarantee your audience a certain amount of episodes basically like I'd have to guarantee Red Bull that we're gonna produce four at least four episodes. And that puts like this pressure on you as an athlete in winter sports to produce that much which like if you go somewhere and the avalanche conditions are sketchy like I went to Chamonix and we didn't get a single piece of footage and you spend all this money and then you walk away with nothing and people just have to understand but I think if you didn't have a good head on your shoulders it could like steer you into doing something that is higher risk. So I'm always really cautious about that.

SPEAKER_02 40:18

I didn't even think about that in terms of like taking bigger risks.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

Yeah it's happened too like I've seen it as a common thread of like people maybe pushing it because there's a camera so I always consider filming to be a red flag when you're in the mountains. You're not like you have to have a really strong head to be like I'm doing this for myself and only myself.

SPEAKER_02 40:40

How much I mean how much goes into like picking the people around you because like I feel like group decision making is so fucking hard and I like it's why I don't love that kind of I mean we we live in the San Juans which I'm sure you know the sketchiest snowpack in the freaking world yeah um and yeah it's just not that fun for I don't I know very little about it so therefore the fear for me is exponential but yeah I feel like it how do you pick your crew it's crucial that's like a something that I that's like a hill I will die on.

SPEAKER_00 41:16

Um yeah I a lot of the people that I go out with I've been skiing with since I was 18 years old. Cool. Like some of my favorite partners that I just know they have my back. I'm thinking of this guy Eric Hurlefsen he's like was a mentor and then I had the pleasure of getting to film with him for many years and he's one of my favorite skiers of all time but the last like really big mountain trip I went on was to Bella Cula and I was filming with Matchtick and he was there and I was like oh I just feel so safe around him and like we have this beautiful communication and he's like my older brother and the whole squad was on point. But I definitely will not go on a trip if I don't trust someone or if I don't like their energy or vibe. I'm like nope that's not it. I think it's pretty rare that that happens in our industry. Like everyone has really stepped it up in in the ski side of things and like it's on us to take those classes. Every single year I'm taking a class whether that's a first aid class or like another Avalanche course or ropes course whatever that is like I'm refreshing all the time and that's crucial.

SPEAKER_02 42:19

What's the like most dangerous mentality that someone can go into the backcountry with that's an interesting one.

SPEAKER_00 42:29

I think like not knowing I think not having that knowledge like in my personal opinion you need to have classes and just avalanche awareness. Yeah totally you need to have some sort of background to get out there or you're with like a proper guide and when you're with a proper guide you better be peppering them with questions so that you can learn too and so that they think like a lot of what we do is about communication and how you communicate which is like this beautiful aspect of being in a team where like your team has your back and they're gonna rescue you. I always love like yeah like if you ask a question you're kind of stroking someone's ego and allowing them to be like oh yeah I do know about this and also making them think. Like if I'm explaining and teaching I'm learning at the same time and like I'm having to give you a reason why I feel like it's safe to cross this slope or drop into this line.

SPEAKER_02 43:20

And so I think like just being a question ask and not like having huge ego the mountains don't give a shit like how do you convey that to younger I mean I'm it seems like you're a great mentor and like you work with young like how do you convey that to these like young guns that like I mean you have to like in some part you do have to have confidence like you have to have but like con separating confidence from your ego and decision making especially these young younger men because you get all the folds in your brain later like how do you how do you like make sure that they're prepared I think that there's such this like

SPEAKER_00 44:00

uh psychology behind like learning in a way where the incident doesn't affect you. Like, how do you teach someone about avalanche awareness when they've never been exposed to an avalanche? It doesn't like totally sink in your brain. But once you lose a friend or you're involved in an incident, you're like, holy shit, I want to know everything.

SPEAKER_01 44:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:19

And so I think there's an interesting psychology. I think storytelling is a beautiful way of like conveying that. So I share all these examples of avalanches that I've been around or been a part of the rescue for or you know these huge incidents and that usually gets people pretty shook because I'm like the first person that's telling you this story. Um but yeah it can be tough for sure. I've taught a lot of avalanche classes for like 12 years and sometimes I'm like you guys aren't taking this seriously. And other times I'm like you have been involved. Like I can almost tell like yeah but it's such an important aspect of it. So I think that just not knowing is like a really scary place to be.

SPEAKER_02 44:59

And that just yeah and and that's something that you had to learn young. I mean you when you transitioned into the world of you know that country I lost my first two friends to Avalanche was when I was 12.

SPEAKER_00 45:12

Yeah. And I didn't know what the hell an avalanche was at that age. But yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:17

Wow you have such an interesting it seems relationship with with death like this this broader understanding of it. And I'm so curious like how that um follows with you or what that like translates to in in your profession, you know your your relationship with death.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

It's like yeah I mean I've lost more people than I can count and I've stopped counting. It's I honestly I became really close friends with this master chief Navy SEAL and like when I was losing a ton of friends I would call him and be like you're like one of the only people that I know that's been around death this much. Like what is the deal? Like can you help me through this I've gone through many different versions of loss and like for myself personally of like how I understand it and how I process it. And not one loss is the same as the next for me and it depends on your closeness and proximity and like all of that. But I think yeah I again I think our culture is really bad at talking about it and I think it's like yeah none of us are gonna get out of here alive so we better start talking about it and like I yeah it's a part of what our sport it's a part of our sport and it's like it sucks. And it has totally like I've gone through moments like years of thinking that I was next and like that like had me so frozen on trips like dropping into stuff and like you can't really live your life like that. Like that's not healthy. And then I've yeah I've been there for friends who have lost their significant other and like rode that wave with them and I'm like this is so fucked like and yeah my family lost our middle child and so that was like not that I can control this but that was a rule for me like I am not gonna die. I don't want to die doing this. And I still yeah firmly believe that.

SPEAKER_02 47:11

It's so interesting I I've met a couple people in my life who are who are this way and for whatever reason they have experienced a lot of death in in their lifetime and um they're some of my like favorite people because I and it's something that we don't necessarily like recognize as much in our our society of like um how important I mean you know we've talked about like the death doula on this one show that we were you know um but to have that perspective and how like and I can tell you are like this you know this type of person that like has this perspective and this depth to you that is so important in in our society but I feel like there's like no name for it. I I mean I I don't know if there is but it just it seems like you also have this like heightened um awareness and like bigger picture. Well I I totally mirror that and it's cool to know I mean the fact that you're bringing a life into the world I think is gonna be a really I mean I think it's gonna be a really wild experience regardless but I think even more for someone like yourself who's been around so much exiting um to have the reverse and something that you are getting to do. I'm really excited to get to talk to you after you go through that experience.

SPEAKER_00 48:33

Oh my gosh I can't wait I've never really like thought about it like that but yeah I definitely feel like it's this completion like this like journey I've been on of life like I feel like I'll feel the most whole when the baby comes and like I'll see that full circle with like my dad's loss and that and yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:53

Has your mom like how are you guys close? Has she given you any like advice that has been really helpful in your pregnancy or like I mean in the third trimester you'll start preparing like birth starts feeling like really real in like a cool way.

SPEAKER_00 49:08

Yeah I'm like I'm actually we can get into that later but I'm curious what your mom's you know what her whole role in your life she has just been such a sweetheart and is I think like the timing of it with like having lost my dad is so wonderful and kind of breathed this like significant meaningful thing back into her life and so yeah she's like I'm gonna come over and just rub the belly like okay you're welcome to sweet and like yeah she I think like so far we've just she's like I don't remember having these symptoms I like tell her the things and she's like what really I I've had the same I don't I literally think my mom just actually doesn't remember hundreds of a lot of it was a long time ago.

SPEAKER_02 49:49

I know it was um I want to be super mindful of everyone's time because I know you know we got stuff going on. I do have one last question.

SPEAKER_01 49:57

I know Sarah might you might have more but um I'm so curious after you have this baby what you picture your life looking like and and you know what your career looks like and just yeah what what you what you picture.

SPEAKER_00 50:08

Totally um I am so addicted to right now like I have a really hard time seeing into the future. I think like Aaron and I we both like traditionally make money on the road or our job is on the road. He's a professional photographer and so we've kind of been like dialing in what that looks like for both of us and like can we travel together and um my sponsors have all been really supportive and like we're not afraid of taking the baby on the road and like figuring it out as we go. Also like yeah my mom is so excited to help out and I can really do a lot of my job here at home um but I also really want to give myself the space and time to like heal and I think this is the biggest body change that we'll go through and like I don't want to rush um I'm like I freaking love rehab like I'm good at coming back from injuries.

SPEAKER_02 50:59

I know that not to compare pregnancy with an injury but all the it was one of my questions one of my questions for you which was like I mean you've been injured a lot and like that you probably kind of good at like the pregnancy thing or are you?

SPEAKER_00 51:15

Yeah Sarah this is who you're gonna need to talk to you I know I'm just I'm like thinking like oh I'm so excited I like I wish this podcast could go on for two more hours but because I have like so many questions for you it's so interesting like it's helped me learn how to chill and how to be like okay in moments of injury I've always like I have a friend Jeremy Jones who's always like never waste an injury and I'm like yeah I've like gone to college I've picked up the ukulele I've like done all this stuff every time I'm injured like what can I do right now I mean moving my entire life was a big to-do now I've I'm like keep joking with my husband I'm like we're just power nesters um but like I think now moving into this other season of life like is so much learning and like so much surrender to be honest because you're not injured you can still do stuff but you don't want to overdo it you have to listen to your body and like surrender to what that is and that's been a process for me for sure like most of the time really good I actually my best friend the other day um his name's Jim and he was asked like how's Michelle's pregnancy going and he's like I want to hear your answer but this is the answer I gave them and he was like I think it's really hard but she has a good attitude and I was like oh that's interesting like I've actually felt like I've gotten away with like a really chill pregnancy and then the other day I was like no you're fucking right this shit has been so hard like all these things happening like this is crazy I'm not gonna like yeah put a bow on it it's it is just really hard um it's hard and then you adapt and I think that that's what's that's the mind fuck for me because I'm like I kind of feel the same way like in some ways I feel like I've had a really easy pregnancy but then I'm like this is actually like one of the hardest things I've done yeah like truly yeah I think you're just like my acid reflux really kicks in I can't even keep the stomach acid in anymore.

SPEAKER_02 53:14

Oh my god but then you just are like yeah that's just a normal a normal part of women are incredible I was gonna say like it's incredible because you know I'm sure you guys are better at this than maybe most because you're professional athletes but no like women just figure out how to be adaptable and how to change they're incredible. You have to be yeah I mean yeah you have you truly like have to adapt. I mean otherwise you just it's a long it's a long ten months anyway and for anyone listening it's it is yes 10 months not nine ideally yeah yeah ideally 10 months um but yeah it's just like if you don't and I think there's some women that have a hard time surrendering to that and I definitely did in like the the first trimester because I am a little bit older than a lot of my super close friends that apparently I just paid zero attention to when they were pregnant. I had no idea I just had no idea that the first trimester is just equally shitty for everyone like you're gonna get some form of like this sucks for the first trimester and I just had no idea and we were like kind of freaking out about like this huge life thing.

SPEAKER_00 54:21

Yeah yeah I was like I am so tired and now I'm back into like a bit of like today I don't know I felt like I was gonna faint I like felt like I was gonna throw up that whole test was wonky and then I came home and I was like oh my god my lower back for the first time it just hurts like every day is new and Aaron was like just go lay would you go lay down just like take to him and lay down and she's like you're not allowed to move and he'd come in and check on me and I was like still laying here I know I'm so glad that we were able to move because I was like oh my god why didn't neither of us thought about the fact that you were going straight from your glucose test to this podcast before yeah because I would have been a wreck like one yeah I was like oh my god that's not I'm so glad anyway I God I really just like I know I know I really just want to keep asking I do too I do too but I'm trying to keep you wanted to go to yoga no I really don't think prenatal yoga yes it was like the first time I saw their pregnant yeah I've been in the gym like back squatting a shit ton of weight and people are looking and they're like the gym thing is the thing that I've actually been able to continue through the pregnancy that like keeps me from going crazy.

SPEAKER_02 55:35

Yeah totally same here and my trainer um his wife is pregnant so he's been oh cool pretty amazing at like adapting stuff and yeah have you noticed the like coning thing with your abs I haven't started to cone oh you guys got a little cone head it's so gross I like grossed a bunch of people out it is freaky looking I don't know what you're talking about and I don't want to be kind of ab working I mean you don't have abs really like I think I need to get on the like more prenatal stuff like the breathing and like you know pelvic floor stuff I don't that's what the internet tells me. The pelvic floor doc will we've talked a lot about pelvic floor yeah I actually do think that that is helpful for postpartum stuff.

SPEAKER_00 56:22

Yeah but it is wild I I will I'll text you after this yeah I've heard different reviews how long are your fingernails yeah how long are your fingernails oh my god I love this yeah how long are your arms can you reach your coolest part of all of this is like you are I feel like I just am a part of a club now that like is motherhood and everyone just shares their knowledge and their wisdom and it's the most beautiful like I've never feel so held by a community of women and that is so cool and like sharing information and checking in on my pregnant friends and in like a very different way.

SPEAKER_02 57:00

People just share in like I thought it was going to be a lot of like just you wait or like you'll see and that sort of stuff and it's actually exactly what you've explained and and especially like within sport too like I think people just want to share information because it's like this wild thing that you're like you don't know until you know it. And so it's really cool like in a such a positive way I couldn't agree more with that. So cool. Well I'm excited that we got you on the pod I really fucking hope that it actually like recorded the audio is truly the most nervous I've been and anxious in this entire pregnancy was trying to like in real time figure out that's good that's good that's like very low level of stress I think I hope oh my god um okay well thank you so so much is wonderful I keep us posted on the glucose result yeah yeah I'm nervous I am nervous for you but either way you'll you'll be great I mean you'll be great don't have you're adaptable you're you're adaptable you will figure it the fuck out yeah exactly okay thank you again I can't yeah that was I'm like can we do another one I know I'm like let's do another one let's do another one we should do another one uh after you guys both have your babies totally and what's what's your due date uh September 12th okay September 12th yay okay baby is 92nd percentile it has a huge head and a huge abdomen you got a big old baby in there big old baby I grow big baby maybe PT a public floor I'm gonna send you some links I was in the altars now my mom was in there with me she really wanted to come my mom and she was like they were like okay your baby's 92nd percentile it has a really big head and my mom was like yeah in the eighth grade I had the biggest head and I was like what the hell I have to give birth to this kid like no oh my god okay I'm gonna send you some tools thank you Michelle have a good rest of your day go put your feet up yeah go rest restie thank you