Episode 30: The Identity Gap - When Your Role Evolves Faster Than You Do

In this episode of The Orange Twist, Giovanna explores a quiet but deeply familiar leadership experience: the moment when your role has already evolved… but part of you hasn’t caught up yet.

It often doesn’t look like a problem from the outside. You’re delivering, the team is moving, things are working. And yet, internally, something feels slightly out of sync.

Through a real conversation with a leader stepping into a bigger role, this episode lingers in that subtle gap between who you’ve been and what the role is now asking from you.

Why do we keep stepping into details we no longer need to own?
 Why do we still feel the need to prove something that no one is asking us to prove anymore?
 And what happens when we begin, even tentatively, to let go?

This is not about quick fixes or leadership models.
 It’s about noticing the small habits that keep us anchored in an outdated version of ourselves… and experimenting, gently, with something different.

A reflection on identity, trust, and the discomfort of growing into a role that requires less doing… and more space.

The Orange Twist is hosted by Giovanna D’Alessio, MCC — reflections on leadership, culture, and change for HR professionals and organizational leaders.
Connect with Giovanna on LinkedIn.
New episodes released regularly. Stay curious.

Transcript

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Welcome to the Orange Twist, your 10-minute shot of insight to shake up your thinking on leadership culture and change. Hosted by Giovanna D'Alessio, Master Certified Coach. Episode 30. The identity gap, when your role evolves faster than you do. I was having a conversation a few weeks ago with someone who had just stepped into a much bigger role. Nothing unusual on paper, promotion, more responsibility, bigger team. The kind of move that people work towards for years. And she said something that stayed with me. She said, I don't think I know how to be in this role yet. But no one can really see that. Not in a dramatic way. She was actually doing well. Things were moving, the team respected her, results were there. But she described this strange feeling of being slightly out of sync with herself. Like she was playing a version of the role that made sense, but didn't quite fit. And the more she tried to adjust, the more she noticed something else. She was getting pulled into things that she thought she had already outgrown. Reviewing details that she didn't really need to review, stepping into conversations that her team could handle, making decisions that, if she was honest, didn't really belong to her anymore. And at some point she laughed and said, I think I'm making myself necessary in places where I don't need to be. And there was no judgment in it, just curiosity. So we stayed there for a bit because this is the path that's easy to miss. When you grow into a new role, the expectations around you shift quite quickly. People relate to you differently, they give you more space, or sometimes they wait more. But internally the shift is slower. You still know how to be the person who delivers, who fixes, who gets things done quickly. That version of you is very available, and it's a good one. It got you here. So of course you use it. There's also something else that happens, and she noticed it in a few days later. People had started asking her different kinds of questions. Less, how do I do this? And more, what do you think we should do here? And without really thinking about it, she would often answer both in the same way, by going into the details. Almost as if every question was still an invitation to prove she knew. She told me, it's like I don't fully trust that I can add value in a different way yet. That's where it got interesting, because no one around her was asking her to prove anything anymore. But something inside still was. A quick reply, the extra slide, the follow-up message late in the evening just to make sure that things are clear. All reasonable, all helpful, and all reinforcing a version of her that the role didn't really need anymore. At one point I asked her very simply, what would happen if you stopped doing some of these things? She didn't answer immediately. Then she said, I think things will be messier for a while. And then after a pause, but probably healthier. So that's the tension right here. Because staying in the old way of operating often keeps things smooth, predictable, high quality even. And letting go introduces a bit of friction, a bit of imperfection. And not everyone enjoys that phase. We tried something small, nothing structural, nothing big, just noticing in real time the moments where she felt the urge to step in and delaying that move by a few minutes, not blocking it, just creating a bit of space. In one meeting, someone asked her a question that she would normally answer immediately. She paused, looked around, waited. It felt long apparently. She told me later it felt like everyone could hear her thinking. Someone else picked it up, not perfectly, but well enough. The conversation moved on. No one came back to her for validation. Afterwards, she told me that felt very uncomfortable and also slightly relieving. Over the next days, she started doing this more often. Not as a rule, but more like a small experiment she was running on herself. And what changed wasn't dramatic, but the team started to stretch a bit more. Conversations become less centered around her. And she had moments where she could actually observe what was happening instead of constantly shaping it. There was one moment she shared that I found very telling. Someone on her team made a decision she would have made differently. Not wrong, just different. Her first instinct was to step in and redirect. She didn't. And she said, I spent the whole afternoon slightly uncomfortable, and then I realized nothing bad happened. Actually, something useful happened. The person who made the decision on it fully, followed through, learned from it. Something that wouldn't have happened if she had stepped in earlier. I think I'm starting to understand what this role is asking from me. And it's not what I thought. We didn't define it neatly. We didn't need to, because you can feel when something starts aligning again. Before we closed, I asked her a couple of questions. I've lead them with you as well. Where are you still adding value in ways that feel familiar but no longer essential? Where do people hesitate, look at you, or wait when they might already have enough to move? And what are you holding on to simply because you've been recognized for it for so long? If you are in a moment like this where something feels slightly off, slightly tight, it might not be about doing more or learning faster. It might just be that a part of you is still operating in a context that has already changed. And that takes a bit of time to catch up. There's no clean switch. It's more like noticing small moments that you have more options than the ones that you've been using for years. And trying one that feels just a little unfamiliar. And that usually enough to start. Not comfortable, but surprisingly freeing.