Episode 33: I Want Ownership… But Not Like That

Ownership is something many leaders say they want more of in their teams.

At the same time, there are moments when letting go of control becomes less straightforward. Especially when decisions don’t go exactly as expected, or when the stakes feel high.

This episode explores that tension.

Giovanna D’Alessio looks at what happens between the intention to empower and the reality of how decisions are made, supported, or taken back.

It’s a reflection on how ownership is shaped in everyday interactions, and on the often unspoken dynamics that influence what is truly allowed.

The episode also touches on the role of HR in enabling ownership while being drawn into situations where alignment and control are called back in.

The Orange Twist is hosted by Giovanna D’Alessio, MCC — reflections on leadership, culture, and change for HR professionals and organizational leaders.
Connect with Giovanna on LinkedIn.
New episodes released regularly. Stay curious.

Transcript

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Episode 33. I want ownership, but not like that. There's a sentence I hear a lot from leaders. I really want my team to take more ownership. It's usually said with good intent, a desire for more initiative, more accountability, less dependency. And yet, if you stay with it for a moment, something doesn't quite settle. Because often, in the same conversation, or just a few minutes later, you hear something else. I had to step in, it wasn't going in the right direction. I can't just leave it, there's so much at stake. I trust them, but that but is interesting. It opens a space where two intentions sit side by side. The intention to let go and the need to stay in control. Both valid, both understandable, and very often intention. I was working with a leadership team not long ago. They were talking about empowerment, how to push decision making further down, how to make the organization less dependent on a few key people. At some point, one of the leaders said, We need people to step up and own things. We can't be involved in every decision. There were nods around the table, agreement. And then, almost in the same breath, someone added, but we also need to make sure decisions are consistent. We can't have everyone doing their own thing. More nods. And there it was, ownership and control. Sitting next to each other, both making sense, and yet pulling in slight different directions. We often talk about empowerment as if it were something we can give, as if leaders decide to empower and then it happens. But in practice, it's less clean than that. Because ownership doesn't grow in the space of intention. It grows in the space of what is actually allowed. And that space is shaped very concretely by behavior. Who makes the call when things are not fully clear? Who speaks last in a meeting? What happens when someone takes a decision that you wouldn't have taken? And that last one is where things get real. Because as long as decision aligns with what the leader would have done, ownership feels comfortable. It even feels like success. But the moment someone takes a different path, the tension appears. Do I let it play out? Or do I step in? And stepping in is often quick, almost automatic. A correction, a suggestion, a subtle redirection. Sometimes very well intended, but the effect is immediate. The boundary of ownership becomes visible. And people notice. They learn often very quickly where the real decision power sits, not in the language, in the behavior. So over time, something happens. Leaders feel they are delegating, teams feel they are still being overseen. And in between, a kind of quiet frustration builds. Why don't they take more ownership? Why does everything still need approval? Two sides of the same experience, looking at each other and not when meeting. There's also something more personal underneath. Letting go of control is not just a structural shift, it's an identity shift. If I have built my role around being the one who ensures quality, who makes the call, who steps in when needed, what happens when I don't? Where do I add value then? Where do I stand? These questions don't always show up explicitly, but they are there in that moment, just before intervening. In that slight discomfort when a decision is taken without you, in the urge to just check or quickly adjust. And this is where the conversation often becomes too technical. We talk about governance, decision rights, frameworks, all useful, but they don't quite touch that moment. The moment where you choose to stay out or not. I remember a leader describing it very simply. He said, I realized I was asking for ownership, but I was not ready for the version of ownership that didn't look like me. That stayed with me. Because real ownership is not a replica. It comes from different judgments, different styles, different mistakes. And if those differences are not tolerated, ownership remains partial, conditional. So maybe the question is not how do I create ownership? Maybe it's something else. What am I willing to let happen that I would not have chosen myself? And what do I do in that moment? Do I step in or do I stay with the discomfort a bit longer? That's not a clean answer because there are real risks. Some decisions do have consequences. Some situations do require intervention. This is not about stepping back completely. It's about noticing the threshold, the point at which support becomes control. And that point is often closer than we think. For HR, this shows up in a particular way. We design for empowerment. We create models, principles, leadership expectations, and at the same time, we are often called in when things go wrong, when a decision is off, when alignment is missing, when results are not there. And the implicit request is: can you help bring this back under control? So HR sits in that same tension, enabling ownership and being pulled into control. Not conceptually, practically, daily, which makes the question even more relevant. What are we really reinforcing? Through the systems that we design, through the behaviors that we tolerate, through the conversations that we support. Because ownership is not something people are told to take. It's something they experience being allowed to have. And that experience is shaped in small, repeated moments, often unnoticed. So if you think about your own context, where are you asking for ownership right now? And more importantly, what are you not quite ready to let go of?