Mind and Muscle Beyond 40

Episode 2: Grief & perimenopause - starting 2026 slow!

• Anneli Marinovich • Season 1 • Episode 2

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 22:38

Send a text

In this deeply personal episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on why I’m choosing a "slow start" for 2026. After a 2025 that brought the unexpected loss of my mum, complex family transitions, and the physical toll of perimenopause, I’m sharing how I’ve had to reframe what "strength" really looks like.

If you’ve ever felt the pressure to "grind" while your heart is breaking, or if you're struggling to balance hormonal changes with the "invisible load" of midlife, this episode is your permission slip to breathe. I’m getting honest about why you can’t biohack a broken heart, how grief and perimenopause overlap, and why filling your "oxytocin tank" is the most productive thing you can do this year.

In this episode, I’m diving into:

💗The 2025 Year-in-Review: Lessons from a "Perfect Storm."
💗Why "sucking it up" is a one-way street to burnout.
💗Navigating the loss of a parent while running a business.
💗Why mindset must come before muscle in 2026.
💗Practical "Slow Goals" for sustainable resilience.

About Me & MMB40: I’m Anneli, a Perimenopause Strength Coach and founder of Mind and Muscle Beyond 40. My mission is to help you age with power, purpose, and confidence by working with your body, not against it.

Thank you for listening. Be sure to hit the SUBSCRIBE button if you enjoyed the episode and share it with friends wherever you're listening.

Follow MMB40 on social media for more tips & free content:

Instagram, YouTube, Facebook

Check out the Club MMB40 exclusive membership: https://www.mindandmuscle40.com/club-mmb40-membership

Interested in 1:1 coaching with Anneli? Learn more about the Legacy Body Programme here: https://www.mindandmuscle40.com/the-legacy-body-programme

Speaker:

Welcome to the Mind and Muscle Beyond 40 podcast. I'm Anneli, founder of MMB40, weight training junkie, motivational speaker, dog mum, certified menopause movement coach, and proud South African. If you're a woman navigating your 40s or beyond, and you're ready to reclaim your energy, build strength, and create a lifestyle that helps you thrive as you age, you have found your podcast. On this podcast, we're all about empowering you to take control of your health and wellness journey. And to do that, we focus on the five pillars for aging strong: mindset, muscle, nutrition, biohacking, and managing metaphor. On this podcast, you can expect practical tips, myth busting discussions, Q&A's, and even some follow-along content. All of this designed to help you age with power and feel amazing. In today's episode, we are going to take a look behind the coaching curtain to see why 2025 was my toughest year yet. Harder than COVID, lockdown, pandemic, me burning out in 2019. Harder than all of that. And really look at how I'm taking those lessons into 2026 with me to strengthen my mindset. So let's get into it. While the rest of the world is screaming at you to go hard and to grind for 2026, I'm doing the exact opposite. I'm starting the year slow. And if I'm honest, it's probably the most on-brand thing I have ever done as a coach. 2025 was my toughest year ever. Between navigating the loss of my mum and the physical toll of perimenopause, I learned a very, very tough lesson at the ripe old age of 43. I learned that the old way of pushing through doesn't really work when your heart and your hormones are under fire. Okay, so rewind to January 2025. I had my very first speaking event already on the 25th of Jan. So the year started on a high. I was doing a social media detox. Um, so I didn't have the distractions of being on Instagram all the time, which was great. Um, and I had that speaking gig. I then flew to the US to go and do a job over there. But straight off the bat, in January, I very quickly realized after seeing my mum in November the previous year, she lived in South Africa. Um, after seeing her, I very quickly realized that we would need to move her into a retirement village pretty quickly. Her health had deteriorated quite a lot. Um, and we needed more support for her. With my brother being in Cape Town, um, she was in Johannesburg. Obviously, there was that gap, and we needed to know that she was safe. So from the outset, um, January 2025, I was already quite um, I think, stressed out, if I'm honest, um, while still operating at a very high level because that's what entrepreneurs do, right? So January was really exciting being in the US, having the speaking gig, and also launching Mind and Muscle Beyond 40, literally almost a year ago. But in amongst that, the emotional stress was already taking its toll on me. Throw into the mix as well that I had changed the HRT that I was on. So I had started a new delivery system of HRT, and so I was experiencing the physical and emotional toll of hormones fluctuating and my body trying to figure out what to do in that moment. So the emotional stress, the physical stress, work, and just the busyness of um January last year was already quite a lot. I don't think I realized how heavy the invisible load was. And by the way, uh the term invisible load I think is so great because it's not something I hear often. And actually, for women in our sort of like season, the invisible load can sometimes be so heavy that you can't breathe. And I realized how I've gotten really good at powering through. And one thing my mum always used to say to me was, be kinder to yourself. I'm listening, Mum. I am. But I just power through. And last year proved the year that I learned that I can't do that anymore. So everything needs to change. So essentially, um, you know, building a new business while navigating the decline of my mum's health, the logistical outset of, you know, moving her, making sure that she was okay, liaising with my brother, my wonderful dad also stepped in and helped. We rallied as a family to make sure that she was taken care of. Um, and little did I know at that point that it was going to be her last year. You know, I never knew that when I saw her in November the last time the year before 2024, that that would be the last time that I saw her. And I think that also was or has been weighing on my mind. So So yes, the HRT. If you know anything about HRT, you'll know it is experimentation. So everyone's body is different. And so I had gone from the patch to a new system, the gel and the tablet, and obviously there were changes involved. And I was using HRT because I had noticed symptoms of perimenopause, the mood swings, anxiety, um, disrupted sleep, irregular cycles, my hair thinning, uh my skin being really dry. There was all these symptoms that I was trying to alleviate whilst also navigating the emotional and um physical stress of just dealing with running a new business and, you know, family matters. As a biohacker, because I consider myself to be a biohacker, I've always experimented on my own body because that for me is part of learning. So I have always been a fan of intermittent fasting. But the one thing I realized last year was I fasted too regularly, which then basically spiked my cortisol. Listen, I basically, even a coach like me got the "stress math" wrong. I got the stress math wrong. And I'm sitting here in front of you today and I'm sharing that with you because I don't have the all the answers. And sometimes we go through periods in lives, in our lives, seasons where we have to take our foot off the gas instead of just thinking, I'll just do it the way that I used to do it. So MMB40 um was born in January 2025. It officially launched in May, and then I started a group coaching program in July, ran a very successful challenge, helped so many women get their mindset right around dieting, moving from that (dieting) to sustainable strength, um, and how to eat for midlife, you know, how to have a diet that actually supports a healthy gut, but also helps you to build muscle, hitting that protein and that fiber. So we did all of those things. And then I was in the US again in July for work. I also traveled to Greece and France, and you know, it got to the point where by September it was quite a busy year. And basically a week before my birthday, um, I got the call that my mum had passed away very unexpectedly. None of us expected it. And I, I'm still reeling, and I'm still dealing with the fact that it was just so unexpected, and I didn't get a chance to actually say goodbye to her. But subsequently, I've had quite a bit of time where I've chosen to focus on the wonderful times we spent together, and I'm using that to carry me through the grief. And I'm also just being kind to myself and knowing that it will take as long as it takes. So I went home in September um to help out with the funeral to pack up mum's belongings with my wonderful brother, my sister-in-law, my dad came down from Cape Town. Again, the family rallied. We held the most beautiful funeral, and um, that was closure, but it was such a quick trip. It was so stressful, as luck would have it. My flight was cancelled. I had to go via Dubai, I mean, of all things, and then ended up in South Africa literally in the nick of time for the funeral. So again, cortisol off the charts, honestly. I might as well call 2025 "Cortisol 2025", honestly. So then came back, and then straight after I had MMB40's first live event. I did a wellness fair, I was a motivational speaker at the event, um, discussing perimenopause, and it was wonderful, but I did it with such a heavy heart. And I know now that that was probably more than I needed at that point, but I did what I do, I pushed through. So another big lesson learning that, you know, and we all know that this is just what life is like. Sometimes we have to perform with broken hearts, and that's where I was in October last year. So then I had the wonderful um opportunity to go home again in November to spend a month with my dad and my brother and my nephews and my wonderful family in Cape Town. And then we gave mum the most beautiful send-off at her favorite beach, and that was closure, and it was beautiful. And I reconnected with my dad, and that made me learn as well the importance of connection, stepping away from social media as much as I love creating content for MMB40, taking time to regroup and connect in a way that matters for me, um, and that actually gives your heart and your soul what it needs. Um, so that was really amazing. And and I think one of the biggest things I learned is that yes, pushing through no longer works at 43. I'm turning 44 this year. And when your cortisol is high from grief, everything else just feels so much more stressful. So it's really important to stop and to give your nervous system what it needs. And very often it's just a basic thing like actually, I need a walk right now. Actually, I don't need a heavy lifting session, I need some yoga or just breath work, whatever it takes that your body needs. But one of the reasons I wanted to do this video is because I thought getting to the end of last year that actually I did a year-in- review, right? Um, using a template from Chris Williamson from the Modern Wisdom podcast. You need to check it out if you don't know about it. And the template, the first question was, how was 2025? And I basically went: one word, stressful. And I then wrote out everything that happened. And then the next question was, what went well? And it was only when I sat down and I started writing. And honestly, I wrote out so much. I mean, this is essentially what went well. I just kept writing. But once I started writing down what went well, I realized, oh my goodness, so many good things came out of last year. A year where I actually thought I was broken. I felt broken most of the year. But I felt like I still had to show up for the business, for my coaching clients, I still had to perform for myself physically, mentally, but I was broken. And I was experiencing anxiety on so many levels. Um, and I didn't really show it because that's what I'm used to, right? And that's also why doing a video and an episode like this is good for me to talk about these things, because I want you to know that it's okay to feel the way we feel and that we have to change how we handle stress when you're in your 40s and upwards, because you cannot deal with it the way you did in your 30s. So essentially, when I wrote down what my wins were, I mean, I want to just share maybe one or two wins that came out of um doing the year in review. Number one, I launched a new business again. Um, incredible. I trademarked my first logo. Um, I launched a group coaching program while I had a broken heart. And I'm so proud of myself for doing that. And I know how much my support means to the woman in the group. Um, yes, I had so many, I had three or four speaking events. I traveled all over. Um I showed up for myself when things were really tough. Um, one of the big things as well is that I made my mum's last nine months on this earth amazing. And I know that we had incredible times before that, but I didn't know it was going to be her last nine months. And you know what? I can sleep at night, I can sleep well at night because I know that she was comfortable, she was safe, and she was okay. So the point that I'm making is how important it is to going into 2026 to ask yourself: "What is the strategy?" My strategy is oxytocin first. So from a hormone hierarchy pov, I'm gonna focus on oxytocin, getting as much joy as I can, prioritize it like I prioritize my training sessions, and then paying attention to taking care of my body, and then using these tools to reduce the cortisol. Because as we head further into midlife, cortisol is the main reason that women struggle with weight gain. Um, and it just it takes a toll on you physically, mentally. You're exhausted because you're trying to do all the things when that's not a season that you might be in. So I'm starting slow and I'm defining what slow looks like to me. It's not lazy, it's intentional. I'm being so intentional with what I do, who I spend my time with, and how I'm taking care of me. I also want to focus more on gratitude this year, and I think it's so important. I urge you to do an exercise like this. Write down what your wins were from 2025. What were the things that went well, and then use that to shape your goals for 2026. So before you even sit down and do your goals, write down what went well in 2025 and then use that. If this conversation is feeling like the permission slip you needed today, I would love for you to hit that subscribe button. It helps us grow this community of women navigating midlife together, and it also ensures you don't miss our next chat. Now, let's get back to the lessons I learned in 2025. And on that point, um, I want to share just the main lessons I learned in 2025. Number one, you cannot biohack a broken heart. Okay. Nothing I do mentally and physically is gonna heal a broken heart. Time, self-compassion, and taking it slow. Listening to what my body needs. That is going to be my motto in 2026. Instead of doing more, which is something I think women in our season of life tend to do, we are the glue for everyone else. We do more and more and more. Sometimes we just need to step it back and do less, right? The second lesson is that the performance trap is a one-way street to burnout. Listen, I have always loved creating content for all my businesses. And while I was in South Africa in November, I had a lovely time with my family, but I also put pressure on myself to do workouts, to film workouts, to film content, to show up in my group coaching program. And actually, I realized that I was basically withdrawing from a bank account that was already empty. So filling up, you know, um the cup before you try and pour from it is so incredibly important. And sometimes it's just not about performing. It's just about being present and being kind to yourself. Lesson number three: the sandwich needs better bread. Women in their 40s and older tend to be the glue for everyone else. But the glue won't stick if the bread's falling apart, right? So pay attention to yourself first. Take the care that you need first before you try and help everyone else. Um and ultimately understand that slow isn't a dirty word. Slow is what you might actually need going into 2026 because it's exactly what I need. And then lastly, celebrating wins is a survival tactic. I would never have been able to sit here and have this conversation with you and celebrate my wins without having done the exercise of actually running through, hey, what actually went well last year? Wow, and so much went well. I was genuinely surprised because I came out of 2025 going, what was that? Honestly. So those are my top 2025 lessons, and I'm using those to then craft my 2026 goals. And honestly, these are not performance goals. I'm gonna share a few with you because I think it might be helpful. But my slow and strong goals for 2026 include oxytocin over adrenaline. I've already mentioned that. So before I check my emails on my to-do list, um in the morning, I'm gonna do something and I do that as a general routine anyway: I fill my oxytocin by whether it's reading a book, meditation, um, breath work, taking a walk, playing with my dog, just getting some morning sunshine. I do that first before I do anything else. The client emails can wait, the to-do list can wait. I fill up my happy tank first. So oxytocin over adrenaline. Number two, doing a body check boundary on a regular basis. Like, what does my body feel like it can handle right now? Some days it'll be a lifting session, great, let's smash it out. Other days it'll be a 10-minute walk, but actually stopping for a second and checking in before I just crack on with it. So asking yourself, what do you have the capacity for? And to do that, you've got to actually sit for a second and just listen to your body instead of just powering on. And then my third goal would be radical self-compassion. Oh my goodness. I spoke about self-compassion so much last year. And when the chips were down, I still pushed through, regardless. Um, so this year I'm actually I'm gonna walk the walk and talk the talk. So what I'm doing um before I go to bed is I just write down three things in my journal that I'm grateful for for that day. And actually, gratitude, then, you know, it frames everything else. It frames your entire perspective on life. Um, so three things, writing it down, and I love writing it down in the evening before I go to bed. So I'm not on my phone, I just want to quiet my mind before I close my eyes. And then my last goal for 2026 is connection over content. And I've already said this. I love creating content for MMB40. I love talking to women about the things that I'm passionate about and inspiring them to advocate for themselves. But I also know how important it is for me to take time away. The digital detox I did at the start of 2025 set the tone for pretty much the entire, you know, first half of the year before things ramped up again. So more time with my husband, my friends, um, my dog, um, my family, um, you know, the soul food that actually is important for us to feel like us, right? And to be able to cope with what goes on around us. And these might not look like high performance goals, your typical high performance goals, but sometimes, especially when you're navigating heavy life transitions, and you might be watching this and maybe you've not lost a parent, but you've experienced grief. Maybe it's a friend, maybe it's family who have cut you out of their lives, maybe it's the loss of your identity, moving countries, um, whatever it is, when we experience these big life transitions, we have to stop and we have to just focus on sustainable resilience. How do we move forward one day at a time? So those are my slow and strong goals for 2026. I want to close this episode. And if you've enjoyed it, please, you know, like and subscribe. And if you're watching on YouTube, great. If you're listening on the podcast, fantastic. Don't forget to subscribe. There'll be loads more episodes. Um, but I just want to make a little promise, and I've written this down because I didn't want to get this wrong. So excuse me while I read this, but this is just a little message to those of you who might be feeling a bit unraveled as we go into 2026. Um, and maybe not as gung-ho, powering on as people are telling you to do. I want to tell you that it's okay to feel unraveled. My promise to you is that MMB40 will never put any pressure on you to replace your pain with the grind. And I'm talking to myself as well right now because it's not possible to replace the pain with grind. You have to just sit with it and listen to what your heart needs. Um, I'm here and I'm going through this journey with you. So if you're on a messy journey, I'm right there alongside you. I'm there for the good days, the bad days, the slow days, and I'm also there for the small wins. So please take some time to celebrate those wins. And also stop looking at the old you. I'm guilty of doing that comparing myself to the me that I used to be. And I keep thinking to myself, why can't I just um come up with the energy that I had before, you know, the old Anneli. But the reality is the old Anneli wasn't carrying this emotional load. So I am not the same Anneli as I was before. And actually, I think what I've been through in 2025 has made me so much more resilient and it's made me a better coach. It's made me a better human being. I have so much more compassion and empathy, and I feel so grateful to be here and to be able to share this with you. So thank you for being on this journey with me. And also just remember that it's okay if your 2026 goals aren't to smash it. Maybe it's just to hydrate, you know, to take a walk every day. Maybe it's just slow and kind, and that's exactly what we need. But yes, we are going to get strong in 2026. That is my promise to you. But we are gonna do it slow with a lot of compassion and with a soft heart. For seasons like this, last year was a season that literally broke me open. And I want to plant a flag in the sand and recognize that because it's ultimately been a big part of who I am going into this year, and for that I'm grateful. So if you enjoyed this video and this episode, like and subscribe. Stay tuned for more. I hope this has helped give you a sense of how to move into 2026 with a little bit more compassion and a little bit of a slower pace. But really, go back to 2025 and look at what went well and use those wins to craft your mindset going into 2026. Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you enjoyed it, don't forget to click subscribe so that you can listen wherever you are and that you never miss an episode. You can also follow me on Instagram on Mind Muscle Beyond 40 for quick tips and daily inspiration. And don't forget to head over to the website mindandmuscle40.com. That is your hub for all things MMB40. And I will see you in the next episode.