Ep 34 Hold My Guinness - Bonus Ep

Could three adults with questionable talents become Guinness World Record holders? Günter, Billie and Emma investigate whether there’s a record ridiculous enough for them to break.
⚠️ Listener warning: contains wildly unrealistic ambitions, questionable talents, and three people who should probably not be left unsupervised.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Warning, dream cheeses is not suitable for little ears. Side effects include laughing at things you shouldn't, learning facts you didn't ask for, and wondering why anyone gave us a podcast. Enjoy. Another shout out to Hamish and Andy, who did the world's tallest hat. They um uh wanted to break the Guinness record Guinness Book of Records um for the world's tallest hat. Fucking great episodes if you want to listen to it, mind you, there's multiple episodes. But they actually got someone to make it. Was it out of carbon fiber? But it was made. Was it carbon fiber? Yeah, something like that. They had an engineer working with it and they had someone who makes I I think it was carbon fiber fiber or fiber. Carbon fiber makes sense if you didn't report it. They had to change their machine to make it longer so that they were able to make it for like they built their machine specifically so they could make it that long, and they had to have scaffolding to put it up so that they could put it on their head.

SPEAKER_03 1:03

It's like building a spaceship.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

They had to walk X amount of metres with it. I can't remember what it what it was, without it falling over or going for it. And so the brim had to have it had to they had to be able to wear it like a hat. And they had to they were worried like OHNS said no you you can't do it because we're worried about your neck because of the weight of the hat. Yeah. Um anyway, yeah, that just it's like yeah, the wearing the torque. Uh they ended up breaking the record, but they didn't get the Guinness book in because it's so expensive to get someone to come out and um and be the actual person who you know to break the record and do it. It's like really, really expensive to do. Yeah. So they didn't do it officially, but then they just drank Guinness afterwards.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

So all those people that that have like, you know, I ate the most raspberries in 15 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've spent a lot of money getting it.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

It's a lot of money, yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's the reason they didn't go for it as a thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

To sp you know, put kind of point at my Guinness history and say to the Guinness organisation that, you know, I have spent literally $100,000 with you already, so therefore you owe me a record.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Yes. Yeah. Is it the Guinness company that really? How did I never make that connection until now? Do you know Ems?

SPEAKER_02 2:16

Well, like Michigan Stars, or exactly the same the same thing with Gunther about that egg and went, is it actually Guinness? And yeah, it is. It is. Yeah. And why did they start doing it just for fun, though?

SPEAKER_03 2:34

I don't know. I mean when you drink how much Guinness you're sitting around and looking for ideas could come up with the stuff.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

Surely it would have been something like, you know, who could drink the most Guinness or something, wouldn't it? Oh, probably. Like how does that stuff build? Do a toe dip. Doing a toad do a toad. Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:48

Just let me do a live toe dip. A live toe record. Well, live recording. Okay, you know.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Yes. A live toe dip. Our story team. Okay. How did the Guinness Book World Records begin and how long have we been around? Um originally the Guinness Book of Records, the ultimate authority on record breaking achievements, started out as an idea for a book of facts to solve arguments in pubs. Oh, because people have a few points and go bullshit this ran. So the idea came about Sorry, I blew my nose. Uh the idea came about in the early 1950s when the managing director of Guinness Brewery attended a shooting party at County Wexford. There he and his hosts argued about the fastest game bird in Europe and failed to find an answer in any reference book. So recalling his shooting party arguments, so Hugh had the idea of a Guinness promotion based on the idea of settling pub arguments. And so therefore invited a fact-finding research team to compile a book of facts and figures. So um the Guinness Superlatives, which is the book, was incorporated on the 30th of November and the office opened in two rooms. Um so that's when they sort of started actually like the research phase and made and made a book. Um although the books never did tackle the original question.

SPEAKER_03 4:15

The game bird speed.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

Yes, owing to their purely uh their focus purely on world records, the red-breasted Merganza would be the most likely answer. It's the fully migratory and occasionally hunted. So yes, they never isn't that weird. Do they still own it now, Bill? They do, and they've had they've got um offices in London, in New York, in Beijing, in Tokyo, and Dubai, um, all around the world, and uh people are still wanting to. So there are uh Guinness Factory. Yeah. Today, well, there's still that one, but there's yeah, London, Dubai. But now there's nine forty-nine thousand record applications from 1919 countries just in 2025. Um there are 78 adjudicators in 18 countries. Um so there's only seven that's why it's so expensive. There's only 78 people who can go and officially do it. Um, of those 49,000 applications, only 3,200 uh records were approved in 2025. There are currently 71,571 active record titles.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

So, Billy, how would one become an adjudicator if I'm looking for a job?

SPEAKER_03 5:32

Yeah, I'm just thinking we could do that with you.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

Yes. I would love that job. Traveling to weird places and watching people do really crazy things. Yes, it does not say that. Um but maybe they'd be those people that are really anal and in control of records and stuff. So they're super like the people that love OH. Yeah. Oh so O and H? OH S. Oh Occupational Health and Safety. Yeah, those people, they are the same, because they're like, no, we've got to make sure that there's some room room room. So they're actually the driest, most boring people in the world.

SPEAKER_02 6:04

Do you know? We used to buy Dempsey that book almost every year. The Guinness Book of Records for Christmas. Yeah. Okay. And he loved it. But 80% of the records are updated every year. So so many of them get broken and done. And they're still selling two million books a year. That's promising. Considering it's books, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

You you always have it in your classroom.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

You always have because kids love it. The kids love going through and going, oh my god, you know, who's got the longest tongue? Who's got the longest uh fingernails or you know, the fastest the man who can pull the the the heaviest truck with his teeth? There's always weird frickin' things. But yes, there you go. How long till AI destroys it?

SPEAKER_01 6:50

I don't know. Ask ask Jody. Say please leave the Guinness Book World of Records.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

If you are interested in the opportunity to gain experience, you can then apply for jobs at the Guinness Book World. Em's pretty keen.

SPEAKER_03 7:03

But currently we should we should document our process of trying to become Guinness.

SPEAKER_02 7:09

Gunther! There are enough fucking things on your list. You do not need to add that Gunter do it on your list.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Gunter, please do it.

SPEAKER_02 7:19

What is what do you think?

SPEAKER_01 7:21

I'm gonna do it too. I'm gonna do it too.

SPEAKER_02 7:23

What is the most outrageous Guinness book of record record, do you think?

SPEAKER_01 7:27

Well, what if we get the record for the most applications to Guinness?

SPEAKER_03 7:31

Oh, that's funny.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 7:32

That's so meta. And that's not not So we send all the applications just at once?

SPEAKER_01 7:42

No.

SPEAKER_03 7:44

Just wait till they make sure they reject us and then apply again.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Yes. That could take a while. We've got time, baby.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

Can I can I just add some of the some of the uh challenges you might want to think about, M. The farthest eyeball pop. Oh, the eyeball pop. 18.2 millimeters. So out of the Oh god, that's disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 8:10

Oh, that's look when you like push it from the back of the way.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

There is a man, Charles Osborne, who has experienced non-stock non-stop hiccups for 68 consecutive years.

SPEAKER_03 8:23

Yeah, it was only recently stopped.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

Yeah, was it stopped? 1990 stopped. Wow. Oh, you'd want to the hiccups of the West.

SPEAKER_03 8:32

Not long ago, actually. It was or heard about it somewhere. It was really weird. I bet I I don't remember how they they fixed it. Was it surgery or something?

SPEAKER_02 8:37

They've got made it. I do love this one. The most and these how do people think about these stupid fucking things to have the most of, right? The most items crammed into your beard. So this person, Joel Strasser, recently got the title Bizarre Items, like 187 candy canes and 126 forks. The most feet smelled. Oh gross. The highest vehicle mileage, like, oh yeah, like the biggest boobs and all that sort of stuff. Oh, they're crazy. Um bunch of boobs. The boobs are just they're bigger than the person. Things like the weird things like the most tattooed person and all those sorts of you know things, but there are some that are just biziered. Biziered? The longest time someone that briziered, yeah. Um longest time somebody's held their breath, what do you reckon? Longest time somebody's held their breath. What do you reckon? Longest time somebody's held their breath.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

So free divers can hold their breath for quite a long time, can't they?

SPEAKER_03 9:45

Yeah, like I'm gonna say 20 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Whoa! Okay. I was gonna go three minutes.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

24 minutes and 37 seconds. Wow, how amazing is that? How did they do it? Lung capacity, crazy. I I can't hold for more than like 10 seconds. It's ridiculous. So the most top 10 world records, so the most popular world records are things like career goals, the shortest woman, the widest mouth, and unstretched. Unstretched! Surely that would be Julia Roberts. Oh my god, the most alternative control methods used to complete can to complete dark souls. What the fuck is that? Some of these can be defined as normal, like career goals or highest mileage, otherwise, most of the world records are curious, like curious or weird, like the largest nose on living person. How big is the largest nose? I don't know that I haven't got the name. What about the smallest dog in the world? There is this, yeah, there are all those sorts of ones. I haven't got all of these. I would love the smallest dog in the world.

SPEAKER_03 10:55

It would be easy to take care of, wouldn't it? Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

And tiny poos.

unknown 10:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:00

Tweezers. But then you have to find the really tiny baggy.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

Hey, M. Em, I reckon you could do this, the most snails on your face. Ah. This guy managed to fit 43 live snails on his face.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Um But the weird thing is, Billy, he has paid these people, I'm assuming a huge amount of money. You pay Mission Andy with all the sponsorships.

SPEAKER_02 11:19

I'm gonna have a look in a sec. Because this one, I mean, why the fuck would you do this? He's paid all the people. The person who cycled the furthest backwards playing a violin. Playing the violin backwards. Playing a violin backwards, yeah. Five hours and nine minutes, he played it for. Five hours and nine minutes. Like just this is where the most feet and armpit sniffed, like really, like just weird. Weird the number of underpants put on in a minute and done in pairs of two. Oh, this number is just 17. What do you think?

SPEAKER_03 11:57

This is one of the cogs of the pain. I can do that.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

Wow. Feeling good to go. Wow, listen, you this here you go. This is one you can do. M. The most smarties or MMs eat in one minute while blindfolded. What do you think it is? Why the why bite? I don't know. What do you think it is? Um 2,000. 22.

SPEAKER_03 12:18

22 smarties?

SPEAKER_02 12:20

22. The most MMs and smarties ever eaten in one minute while blindfolded. But you know why I think that's only 22?

SPEAKER_03 12:27

Because they probably put them like laid out in a row with the book. Do you know the other reason?

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Because probably only one person's ever done it, so they probably just hold that world record. Like you've got to think of those stupid things. The most socks put on in 30 seconds. What about World's Tiniest Dog, please? I haven't found World's Tiniest Dog.

SPEAKER_03 12:43

So we're just going through the different videos now.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

This is our podcast. The fastest time to assemble Mr. Potato Head. 5.4 seconds. There you go. Ah, here we go. It does say before you set out to beat these records, don't forget to make it official, it has to be record registered with the World Guinness Records and applying for an attempt uh to break the record of your choice. Practice a bit. Let's have a look. Does it say how much it costs? I'll just look up World's Tiny. Oh, thanks, Em. I'm apologies. I haven't looked it up for him. She's very shitty now. I'll just look it up myself. Because Billy hasn't done it yet, and it's annoying. Um okay. I've said here how much does it cost, but now it's only giving me most cost-effective video game released, highest annual cost of a consumer cybercrime. Like these are related to cost. The longest title of a book. Wow. Um largest proportional increase in cost for a building project. Why the fuck would you want to have that as a Guinness? Some of them I don't think people have gone in to do, but they've just awarded it. The worst snowstorm disaster. Like surely they wouldn't go, hey, our country's just experienced this. Let's contact Guinness and get, you know.

SPEAKER_03 14:05

Well, yeah, but they're not gonna go, cool, let's achieve the world's greatest snowstorm disaster.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

Yeah, hey, what's the shortest title of a film to win an Oscar?

SPEAKER_03 14:14

Ooh.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

There you go, there's a good one.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

So the smallest dog is Pearl the Chihuahua from Orlando, Florida.

SPEAKER_03 14:23

Oh, it's a Chihuahua.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

It's a Chihuahua. She is 9.14 centimeters tall and 12 centimetres long.

SPEAKER_03 14:31

Wow, that's tiny.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

That's super tiny. That would be in breeding, right? Well, her her braid she would be munted. She also she succeeds the late Miracle Millie, an identical sister of Pearl's mother. What? So basically she, her auntie, Pearl's auntie held the.

SPEAKER_03 14:50

My mum was a twin. A bit like you, Billy.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

My mother's a twin.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Your mother is a twin.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

So here we go, you Pearl. Do you have twins in a litter of puppies?

SPEAKER_02 15:04

Alright. So your application.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

Your application doesn't cost much. Your application only costs about a thousand dollars, right? But to get an official adjudicator out costs ten thousand US. Oh, okay. And then Yeah, but that's not nothing. Oh no, I'm not saying it's handy, could it? Which would be a good idea. Because you have to have an if you want something like the tallest hat, because that's something you have to verify, you need someone out there to verify it. Whereas if you're saying, oh, I kick the most goals, you've got verification of that.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Yeah, if you're in a world.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

If you're in a world cup and the most, you know, the most the most goals kicked in in the you know in a world cup, that would be a record you didn't have to get someone out to verify. So that would only be like a thousand dollars to get your name in the thing.