It's Not "Just a Joke"

In this episode of Between the Bells, we have an open and honest conversation about bullying—what it is, how it shows up in high school today, and how it affects students. We discuss topics like gossip, online behaviors, stereotypes, and the differences in how bullying can look for girls and boys. We share personal experiences, talk about setting boundaries, and offer practical ways to speak up, support friends, and help create a kinder and more respectful school environment. A short but meaningful conversation reminding listeners that bullying is real and no one has to deal with it alone. 

Transcript

Hi everyone. Welcome to the Between the Bells podcast. You're here with Cami, Alexa, Lucy, Maddie, Ruby, Annalise.  

And Mrs. Graham.  

Okay. Hi, guys. Welcome back. Something that we've been wanting to talk about for a while is bullying. We've. It's a very real thing. And I think it's something that we should use our platform to speak about and bring awareness to. Um, first, what is bullying, would you say?  

Does anyone want to take a stab at that? Bullying is a lot of things. It's not just like one. There's a couple parts. Yeah. So there's different types, right?  

Oh, yeah. I think bullying is repeated. It's not just a one time thing. Like it's intentional.  

What is the textbook definition of bullying. Well, also I mean it's a repeated intentional and hurtful behavior, um, that's directed at someone who's maybe perceived to have less power. So there's this idea of this imbalance and power.  

They are like the minority. 

Yeah. Yeah. Um, and it's just meant to cause harm, whether it be physical or emotional. Right. So we know there's different ways that people do it. Right. So, like, what are things that you've seen at school are their ways people have. Bullying though is not like having an argument with someone or like friends teasing each other, or like. 

But if you do feel like a friend is like teasing you too much? You should be able to like, speak up and like so comfortable saying something like, oh, like, I don't really like you talking about that, right?  

But if you're not, then that could be bullying because there could be the power imbalance thing happening. Right. Mhm. Um, so like in high school, what ways do you see people being targeted or bullied?  

Um, I think that a lot of the times people get bullied for just being different.  

Okay.  

So is that like directly like comments are made to them or about them?  

I feel like sometimes, but it's a tale as old as time, people have been getting made fun of for being different for forever. 

Honestly, um, something I noticed is that there's not as much physical bullying as I think there used to be, but I think it's shifted because you watch, like, all those movies and it's like, ah, this person beat me up like you don't see, like still there are like, I'm not saying there's fights here, but like, there's fights in general in schools, but I feel like it's switched more to that, uh, sneaky sneaky bullying.  

Lowkey bullying. Yeah.  

We bring up the gossip. The gossip. That's more bullying than I think that you see more than anything.  

And I think especially with teenage girls, it's very much behind your back, not to your face.  

But you have to be in the room for them to talk about it.  

And it's like it could be your own friend. It's like, I feel like in today's society, bullying has just become so normalised. Right,  I agree. Yeah, it's it's unfair and it's it shouldn't be happening and I feel like it's too normal. Yeah. It's very, too much normalized. 

 Yeah. I feel like it can be non-verbal too like even when you, if you let’s just say like you make a comment and someone’s like, they don’t like agree with the comments. So they don’t like the comments. So they'll look over at their friend, as your standing right there. 

Then they start laughing, as you literally watch them look over at them and do that and it make you feel like small. 

It makes you feel like you're like, oh, it's like being judged.  

Like, yeah, it hurts.  

Something I've always wanted to know is because, um, um, none of us are guys. So like, I was wondering, like, because we don't really, like, know what's going on with guys, but, like, I was always wondering, like, how they, like, if they feel bullied or if they ever talk about it because it's just something they don't talk about, ever. Like, I never hear guys talk about being bullied. 

 It's because they're supposed to be like, oh, I'm a tough guy.  

Oh, yeah.  

Yeah. I’m not supposed to have feelings we don’t bully eachother it’s just friendly love. 

It's like the same for them. I was just running like. Because you never hear or, like, the guys are just more secretive about it.  

And I'm not trying to stereotype or anything, but I feel like just in today's society of bullying, it's a lot of guys I would say, Not all the time, but I think sometimes if someone were bullying someone to be a guy, saying some rude comment and.  

They're more direct.  

yeah.  

Yeah, I think that's it. I think that's why you're saying that. I think that girls and boys bully, but it's more and girls will say, behind your back, boys will say your to your face, right.  

Maybe like idea of bullying has been warped somewhat.  

Mhm.  

Because it's like we only think about bullying kind of one way sometimes. And maybe it's maybe there's more ways that we're just not thinking every time.  

Also lot of things can happen behind a screen now.  

Also um, like the way that boys are, or sometimes boys versus how girls are sometimes bullies. Um, what was I going to say? I was just gonna make a really good point. Um, .  

Think that we just talk about it so much in school that people are like, oh, it's just bullying. Oh, it's just this.  

Oh, I remember, I'm sorry. Um, so we know how or I guess we, because we're all girls, we notice more when girls are bullying other girls and so we know how girls bully other girls. But how do boys bully other boys?  

So maybe we should ask them.  

Like how does that happen?  

Yeah.  

We need somebody to come in.  

Yeah, maybe we can have a guest.  

I feel like what I've seen, what I've seen is that, like, it's more of, like, bullying in a way that it's just like, I dare you to do this. You better do this.  

I think it's like teasing you and teasing. It's very misconstrued with, oh, he's my friend. Like, he doesn't mean it, but it's like, what are your friends? Real intentions,  

Right!  

But do they do it like one on one or do they do it in groups?  

I think it happens a lot more in groups, definitely.  

It's more the peer pressure kind of bullying.  

Yes.  

Yeah. That's what I was trying to get across.  

Yeah.  

So we've kind of got out what it is and sort of how it's happening, how we see it. Has anyone here ever been bullied? Is that something that anyone's willing to talk about? How does that feel? I know that makes us feel horrible. 

Yeah make me cringe.  

Right? Yeah, I know our faces.  

Yeah, I can talk about it. Um, I've been bullied in the past. It's been a little while since it's happened. I don't I don't know if maybe I've just stopped noticing it or, like, it actually has stopped, but, um, just because I'm, like, a little different than some people, I feel like people like to make fun of me for that. Um, you know, we have we don't have the same beliefs, or we care about different things. And that makes, you know, people want to talk about me or, like, make fun of me in a way. And, um, it hurts my feelings. It really does. Yeah, I'd say I'm pretty confident person, and I try to keep my optimism up and my positivity, but it it definitely like knocks me down sometimes. Like it really does hurt me.  

So when that happened what did you do? How did you cope with that?  

Um, I definitely talk to my friends that I know will support me and stuff. Uh, shout out my friends also. Um, I feel like teachers and guidance counselors at school are great resources. I know people will be like, don't talk to your guidance counselor. Don't be like, no, I love my guidance counselor. I love to talk to them. Um, and I feel like, I don't know, just using coping skills and trying to remember, like, I'm this isn't me like, I their words, like, are just opinions. Like they're not truths.  

You're so much more 

 I know I'm worth more than whatever they're saying about  

Very wise Cami.  

And it ultimately, it really isn't about you, right? It's more about the person saying the cruel things and, like, what they're getting-  

It's a reflection of themselves. 

- Power. Right. It's it's not about you. So I'm glad that you were able to keep that in perspective and get the support you needed there because and thank you for sharing because that takes vulnerability to put it out there.  

So, um, I wouldn't before. I just want to preface this by saying, I think there's people who've had it worse than me, but from my personal experience, coming from like a young girl to now a young woman, it's been a lot of weird comments. So I don't know if you would say that's bullying, but it's a lot of harassment that I.  

Can you give me an example?  

Like I, I would say teenage girls are heavily. Can I say that like sexualized.  

Can I say that?  

It's our. Podcast. Podcast 

I think teenage girls are heavily sexualized is its with teenage boys, and even more.  

So are you saying that you feel like people are commenting on the way you look?  

I have had many comments on the way I act, the way I dress, and it's like I've been called w word.  

That's yeah.  

Yeah, I've been called the W word. S word I've been called a lot of it. I've had many bad rumors about me in that are sexualized and I think I don't know if that's bullying, but it's a lot of harassment in the way I've learned to cope with it, is that it's not like I've kind of learned to brush it off. It's not right. I still like if I need to tell someone about it, I'd tell someone about it. But it's like, that's not who I am, right? Just because I dress a certain way or I have a certain body type, doesn't make me who you are trying to make me out to be. I'm much more than your words.  

Yeah. That's great. 

 And it's but it's a very real thing that happens with many other girls too, and I think it's something that we should stop normalizing. And I think it's something that we should start bringing more awareness to, especially a young girl going through puberty. Right.  

So, like, have you seen it more coming from boys or girls?  

Honestly, both.  

So like every yeah I know, like, girls are supposed to like, oh, like support girls and do this, but then like, behind their back they say different stuff. So like, it's just kind of like an imbalance.  

The more direct comments are from guys, but the more behind the scenes it's guys 

The guys that make the lewd comments and then sometimes girls that like say the mean names or like start the rumors.  

You always hear a second hand from girls, right?  

It's always like, oh, I heard.  

This girl saying this about you.  

Exactly, and it's like, if you have something that you want to say about me, just say to me.  

But you never know if it's true. Because, like, what if the words got twisted or like.  

So. So that brings me to the place of like, what do we do about this? Because that's kind of what we're saying. Right. I think I heard you say, like, we need to stop. Right. Um, and so, you know, I think somebody here said at the beginning, like a tale as old as time, right? Some of this stuff has been going on, you know, since I was in school and before that. So it's around. So what do we do when we hear it? And how can we make our culture, whether it be our school culture or just like our personal lives? Um, how do we make it better? What do we do?  

I can go. So, um, the other day, this person came up to me and, um, I'd say they're my friend. And they started talking, um, badly about someone that truly, like, is a good friend to me. And what I just said to them, stop. Like, I don't want to talk about this, and I, I know that's really hard, but it's like, right. It hurts me like- 

So basically I want to make.  

-hurt my friends.  

Go back. So you had a friend who was talking to you about another one of your friends?  

Yeah, and I didn't want to talk about it.  

So you just said.  

I literally said stop. Like I it's enough.  

How did that friend respond?  

Um, she kind of gave me a face, and then I feel like, just walked away. And, I mean, she probably went and talked bad about me to someone else, but I feel like I'd rather that than like having, like if my friend heard that I was, like, talking bad about her. Like, I would feel awful like that. That would make me so upset and like, I don't want to do that because I don't want to talk about her.  

It probably made her feel bad and that's why she left.  

She's probably embarrassed. 

 Honestly, I think some people can't handle confrontation very well. Like if they are very much in the wrong but if someone has the balls to go up and tell you that's wrong. I think people.  

Are probably so used to being like, oh no, you're right.  

Yeah.  

Mhm. People just brushing it off 

 and not being called out. Yeah. Yeah I think we should bring back calling out people like whatever happened to that?  

Bring back shame. I think I've said this before I think I said it in another podcast.  

I think it was our first  

I don’t like that word but I understand that your point is to bring back saying when things aren't okay, like it's okay to stand up for other people.  

Bring back shame to me as a more negative connotation, right?  

Like bring back boundaries. 

Not shame for like a just as a thing, but shaming people who do things that aren't okay.  

We don't shame we just want to say like, hey, we don't want to do that.  

Calling out, calling out, 

 Calling it out. Yeah. So calling out your friend I think is or, you know, important, but it sounds like you did it in a respectful way. It wasn't, like, rude. It was just like, hey, I just don't want to talk about that.  

Simply just stop. Like, I just really didn't want to.  

And that brings me back to the point that it's like people have to be, like smarter than that in a way, too. It's like, you have to be smarter and think about if you actually want to confide to something, someone about something like that. You need to know who you're talking to and if they're the right person to talk to it about or not.  

If if, I mean, I honestly didn't really hear what that girl was gonna say to me. So if she was coming to me because she was actually upset. Honestly, like, I, I don't know. Yeah. Like, I feel like I'm not the right person to talk to about.  

Well like, it goes back to talking about people behind their back. Right. Like, it's better to, like, if you have conflict. And this goes back to what Lucy was saying. Like, if you have conflict with somebody, it makes probably makes more sense to speak to them directly than to go and talk about them to somebody else. Right. Especially here at school. Like, I think there's something to be said for if you have a conflict with someone and you don't know how to approach it or go about it. Like I think those are probably conversations that maybe start with parents or start.  

Then you know who to talk to. 

Right. Like if you need advice but to talk about other people here at school. Like, I feel like that just kind of contributes to the culture of that .  

Yeah.  

It depends if like, your intention is to put them down or to actually try and help them.  

Right, and I feel like I've even had, like, conversations I don't even remember, like, like an exact thing. But I just know like throughout that I've had conversations with people about like situations and I say, okay, well, I understand where you how you feel, but think about how they feel to and get them to understand both point of view so that they know when they go to talk to them. And when I tell them it's a good idea to talk to them about it so that you can solve the problem. They kind of like, have a good, well-rounded idea on how to go to them about it. 

Right. 

Always ask questions. 

 Right.  

So so there's that direct approach, right? We can directly say something. But that is like really hard right? Yeah. It takes courage. And it does. Like what if you worry that that person then is going to then go talk about me. Right. So if the direct approach isn't something that we're comfortable with, are there other strategies, things that people have done or used.  

A lot of people use text. They text people.  

I think sometimes also text might come off as like,  

what do you. Yeah. What do you mean?  

Like, you cant understand.  

You can't really understand tone, right.  

That's that's what makes.  

You need the tone. And you can't get it in a text. Yeah. And I also feel like. Have you guys seen the movie Mean Girls? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So we all kind of know that Regina was like the big the bully, the the antagonist. And then she had the two friends I followed after her. And I feel like if we applied that to real high school, we definitely have girls who are like the ones who say it to your face. You don't really care. And then we have the ones who kind of just like follow along with her, but then they'll text you, like separately or like after school and be like, hey, are you okay? Like what you said wasn't right.  

So check on you. Yeah, right.  

So it's another approach.  

 But they,  they'll be like, oh, guess. Like what? Like guess what did you Regina said about it? It's just it's not just.  

Does that help? I mean.  

No, but it's a very real thing that happens. And I think people have lost like I think things have become, bullying has become so normalized that it's like, oh, they're just they're just teasing you. And it's like.  

That's actually a good point. So like you brought up like they just go tell you later. Like it's got to make me wonder. Cami. Like when that happened, did you go tell your friend that so-and-so tried to talk about you today?  

Um, I don't think I did, because I don't want to, like, cause more. I have more, right?  

My question is, what do we. I feel like obviously we all don't know the answers. I feel like that's something that's very, very real situation that happens. Like, I want to know what to do in that situation. Like, say, Ruby was coming up to me talking bad about Joe or trying to  

Joe Schmo.  

Whos Joe Schmo? 

No, that's not an expression.  

Yeah, well like, would I like, what do I do? Would I be like, oh, everybody was talking about it about you? Or do I just not say anything at all? Like, I don't know what to do in that situation. And I think.  

Because you don't want them to have a fake friend, but at the same time, you don't want to hurt.  

You're gonna feel just as bad either way, I feel.  

I feel like sometimes, even if you don't say anything at all, I feel like, you know, no matter what, you're not in between it. You're not like. And you want to. And I don't know, it depends on the situation. But I'm even, like, I'm staying out of this. Like, you can come to me about it, but I'm staying out of it because I don't want to get into it.  

But then there's also people who are like, I wish you would have just told me.  

Right.  

So it's like there's such a.  

You gotta know who you're talking to,  

Right. 

There's such like a line. It's like, do I do this? Do I do that? Do I tell someone else like.  

There's a you don’t know what to do.  

We say it all the time. Nothing is perfect. Every situation is different. It's like how we talked about in some of our previous episodes. Like, everyone learns differently. Everyone does everything differently. Different things work better for other people. I think that you just have to be aware.  

Yeah, I think it's about more more about having like options in the toolkit. Right. Like things that I can do and ideas because I agree that not every situation is going to be the same, and there's different nuances that are going to be involved in each of them, especially like, you know, how close am I to this person? Do I know the person? Right. Like there's a lot of factors that go into it. Um, so I don't it's hard to give like a, a one direct answer to your question to see, because I think it depends on the situation a little bit. Um, but what are some things that we can do then. Right. Like, so when we hear it. Right, like there's, like Cami said, there's the direct approach, there's the check on a friend later. Right. Um. Anything else?  

I think our body language has a lot.  

Yeah. Okay.  

So what do you mean?  

Um, just a look. Like, obviously we just talked about how, like, some girls won't. If they're, like, judging you, they'll make a look at their friend. I feel like if you kind of turn it around on them and you make a look at them and then you're like. Then they feel embarrassed 

Right.  

Because I could say I've done that before. Like someone has said something that's rude or something that I kind of don't like. I kind of disagree with or whatever. You kind of just like, shoot them a look. And it's like, I feel like most of the time they notice.  

Yeah. Like, do you mean to say that? And they're like, oh, well, on the other side.  

Yeah.  

They try to like, counteract it.  

They look and even, I noticed that in the hallway. Right. Like, I know I do that right. Sometimes if I hear something as students as or I, I'm not sure if I think I heard what I heard. Like did he say what I think he said? I don’t really know. So the look that's just like a little bit puzzled or like what, what was that? And then you get a lot from their reaction.  

I think they also try to like frantically explain to you or like, but it's like, no, no, no, no, not like that or no, no, no. And then it kind of like makes them think about the reactions. Like, did I really mean to say that? Did it come off wrong?  

Well, that's a great question to ask. Right. So like sometimes when somebody does something that's a little questionable, you can say, did you mean that to come off rudely? Or What was your intention?  

You ask a question. You were trying to just overall change a situation, like make it a better situation than it is.  

I feel like one that I use is like, how would that make you feel like if they did that to you, how would that make you feel?  

That's a good one.  

That takes a lot of courage.  

Yeah, I, I say it to my brother all the time, my brother all the time. I'm like, how would that make you feel if they said that to you? And he just sits there and looks at me and I'm like, mhm. I say think that. Think about it for a second.  

I say it to my sister, my little sister all the time.  

Sometimes you just have to get to call people out and be like, do you really mean to say that.  

Yeah.  

So we can hope that somebody has a big sister in their life or like, someone in their life who's, like, calling those things out? Yeah. Um, and also, you know, there's always the. Just don't encourage it, right? Don't laugh.  

Don't be the audience.  

Don't be a part of it.  

Yeah, yeah. You definitely don't want to make it seem like. Oh, yeah, this is funny. Oh, yeah.  

But I do feel like sometimes that might like there, there's a line between teasing and then when it becomes bullying. And I feel like some people, uh, have trouble figuring out which one is which. So sometimes laughing at something that you think is just teasing might actually be bullying for someone else. So and I think that's something people need to learn to identify when something's mean or when something is like just friends poking at each other. Right. And I think a lot of teenagers should learn that. 

Well. Um, I hope that everyone who's watched this video can take some of the tools that we've given you. and maybe next time you're having an issue with bullying, you can use some of them and know that you're not alone like this does.  

It's a very real thing that happens.  

Yeah. 

 All right.  

 We’ll see you next time.  

Bye!!