Judgement

Judgement. How does it show up in everyday high school life? From appearance and friend groups to social pressure and self-confidence, in this episode we explore how judgement shapes who we think we need to be. 

We discuss the fear of being judged, code-switching around different groups, and the challenge of staying true to yourself in a world that constantly has opinions. We reflect on when judgment can be harmful, when it can be helpful, and how pausing to reflect, and choose kindness can make a real difference. 

This episode is a reminder that everyone is carrying something you can’t see. Growth doesn’t come from fitting into someone else’s expectations, but from learning who you are and being okay with that. 

Transcript

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Hi everyone. Welcome to the Between the Bells podcast. You're here with Cami, Alexa, Lucy.  

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Maddie, Ruby and Annelise and Mrs. Graham.  

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Hi, everyone, and welcome back to the Between the Bells podcast. Um, today we're talking about something that everyone in high school has to deal with at some point. And that's judgment. Whether it's the way you look, who your friends are, the classes you take, your interest, or honestly just being yourself, judgment can create lots of pressure. It can make us feel like we have to change who we are just to fit in. So I ask the question, what is judgment to you?  

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I think judgment to me, I think, is making the assumption on someone without knowing the full story about them. And it's.  

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It's really.  

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Harmful. Judgment hurts.  

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Yeah. I think.  

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When you.  

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When.  

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You.  

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When you think of this, um, do you have this notion in your head about someone and you don't really you don't know who they truly are. You don't know what sort of traits they possess or other things if you only know what you. If the only idea you have of someone is what you've heard about them that is so harmful to how you think about them, and then in turn, the way that you think about other people.  

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I think it also can piggyback off of like what you hear from your friends. Like you hear this bad thing from your friend and you're like, oh, they're a horrible person. Then like, that's what I'm gonna base them off of. Like, you have to get to know them so that you can say, oh, yeah, like, I had this personal experience. Yeah. They're not a good person or whatever. We have an idea that.  

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Like, judgment is based on other people's opinions and not around, you are influenced by everyone around you. And just everything in general influences a judgment. And sometimes a judgment can be super, super negative. Or it can be like, I don't know if it can be positive.  

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But.  

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Judgment.  

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Judgment is just the word for it. Yeah, judgment.  

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I think judgment can also have a positive. It depends.  

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It depends on how you. How you're taking it. You know, if you're judging someone and you're putting that opinion out there and like it is hurtful, that's when judgment can be bad. But, you know, using good judgment to help you rationalize the decisions and choose different things. That's when I think it can be impactful.  

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So it's positive if you keep it in your head. It's kind of.  

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I think.  

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It all depends on what you say and how you say it.  

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And how people take it.  

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Yeah, well, I think it's also like if you were to talk to someone that you never knew and you're just saying like, oh, that person looks really nice. And but they're actually like kind of mean that's I think what would be positive impact. Yeah.  

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How did.  

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How does judgment.  

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Show up.  

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Like how.  

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Sorry.  

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How.  

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Does judgment affect how we show up at school every day?  

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I think if you feel judged by someone in a negative way, I think it affects how you present yourself, like how much time you spend getting ready, how you think you look, trying to make yourself look a certain way. And I think sometimes that, I think sometimes that leads into you not expressing who you are truly, because you're just trying to fit in, I think.  

00:03:09:03 - 00:03:34:29 

Yeah. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all sort of have this fear of judgment and the way that people are thinking of us and taking us in. And I think that that definitely, like, makes us sort of turn into people that we might not want to be because you want to fit this mold that is like, perfect and like what other people are gonna like, not like what's true to you.  

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And I think a lot about like what? Like when I'm getting ready in the morning, I look in myself in the mirror and I'm like, why? Why do I do these things everyday? Like, why do I do my hair a certain way? Why do I do my makeup a certain way? It's I guess it's. Or how to change that process of trying to get out of how other people think about you is trying to be. I want to look this way because I want to feel like this, not how other people is trying to get away from that judgment.  

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Yeah, I think it's all based on mindset too. If you want to be a certain way or a certain person, it's how you want to feel. Yeah, you might feel like, oh, I have to do this because I'm going to get judged. Or you could like, make it positive and be like, oh, I want to be this because I want to be a better person or something like that.  

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I think it also goes off of like how.  

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I.  

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Just lost my thought.  

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It's good sometimes, though, it really does cause you to shrink in on yourself and you. You wake up every day and you think, who do I want to show up as? And it sort of, it really just changes who you show up as and who you want to be, who you want to put yourself, how you want to put yourself off to like other people. And so then that also, um, carries into the question, does the fear of judgment affect how you are true to yourself?  

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Yes.  

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Yeah yeah, yeah. I mean, for me, it's different. For me, I think I have worked myself to a way where I think the judgment of other people and other people's opinion doesn't really bother me because it's, it's not my job to fit into your standard of me. It's not my job to be the person that you think of me as. It's my job to be who I am. And I think most of the times and when I get ready in the morning, like we said before, I think I'm able to look at myself in the mirror and say.  

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I'm confident going to school, dressing this way and looking this way, because that's how I feel within myself. I don't, and I think, I wish there was something a lot of more teenage girls were able to experience.  

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I think it's also like friend groups like whatever your friends are wearing or whatever they're doing. You do them.  

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Friends look influences how I.  

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Look. Exactly. And I think it also carries into what I was gonna say before. Is that you for like, the boys like, or whatever it is like, or for other girls like you. Sometimes it feels good to just, like, be like. Oh, yeah, like, look at me.  

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Like today. Yeah. So, like, I think it can.  

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Be either like, bad or good in that way. Yeah.  

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Going out for, like, the friend group stuff, I think. Is it weird? So going off a judgment, changing your personality or how you act based off of what your friend group is? Would we consider that fake, or would we consider that just being like true to yourself?  

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Or so I, I think that is it's also the people you surround yourself with, I think, and how they interact with you. Like, I have this really good friend. She's amazing and she always lifts me up and when I come around her. So that's when I feel my most confident I can be my true self around her.  

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And you don't feel judgment.  

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And I don't feel judged. But if I'm around this other group of people that like my might not feel the best around that I might have. Like it might be your intention. And if they like, look at me a certain way, I might stop and think like, oh my God, was that at me? Like there's something on my face. Like something like that.  

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Yeah, yeah. And that also part of that, that is like what code switching is. Yeah. And part of it, it's it really it all has to do with who you're around and the kind of people you're around are gonna make you feel a certain way. And they're, they're gonna make you feel. I am really comfortable being myself around these people, or they're gonna make you feel like, wow, I don't really feel like I fit in with this group. Maybe I should change who I am to fit in with these people so that they accept me as one of their own.  

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So are you saying, like becoming part of the judgment?  

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I this is kind of what I was saying. I think judgment helps you make better decisions. You can take judgment, the judgment you have in your head of others and you're realizing like, oh, I have to look a certain way to hang out with these people to feel my best, that I should use my best judgment and realize that maybe these aren't the people I should be surrounded myself with.  

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Yeah. So with these like bad people. How do you learn to just stop caring what they think?  

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Like, how do you.  

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How did you just stop?  

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I okay, they already talk about this. I think it is. It's how. It's how you judge yourself. I think being able to stop caring about other people's judgment starts with your judgment first. If you're able to look at yourself in the mirror and go, I, I love who I am, I love the way I look, I feel confident and I'm ready to go take on like, you can have a like the worst day of your life. But as long as you're able to look at yourself in the mirror and say, I love who I am no matter what, I think that is one of the strongest things that can help you get through life.  

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Like I, our father is a very he's a great role model and he has had them both. The oh my God, he has had the best influence on me personally because he doesn't care what anyone thinks. And I think that is something I envy about him. And it's something that I really want to find within myself because it's like, why should I have to fit into your standard of me at your. Your idea of me is not my problem to fit into.  

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Yeah, that's that's the bottom line.  

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I feel like it's normalized to want to, like, just fit in with whatever everyone else is doing. So you'll just go with the flow if it's good or bad. Yeah.  

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If you could choose between being normal and being weird. Always, always, always choose weird.  

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Being weird is.  

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Being Unique.  

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It reminds me of like, that one picture where you have the two different paths and you have a bunch of people, and then you have yourself. Yeah, or like the one person and you just go off on yourself. Like the journey is to try and find yourself, and then you can rejoin once you feel like you've found who you are and like what you want to be and whatnot.  

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Well.  

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So I guess sometimes you you judge yourself. But do you also like, do you judge others and do you? But do you try not to? Do you judge others? Do you try not to?  

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I feel like I do it subconsciously because I'll just be sitting down and something happens. You're like, oh, but the thing is, I think it's drawing a line with like, it's okay to be judgment, like judgmental. It's just how you act on it. I think is the, the big thing because you can't go out and be rude to people. It's saying, okay, it's okay. It's like, yeah.  

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I think that everyone does judge no matter if you mean to or if you did not mean to. Like you can say it out loud and you don't mean it. You could say it to yourself, but like again, finding that friend group and finding that friend that won't tell people what you're saying is kind of like a reliever almost, because you don't want to keep it all in.  

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Yeah, it's kind of like, um, what? It's kind of like what Anneliese said. Sorry. Um. Oh, my God, I just lost my train.  

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Oh, my God, that's okay. What? What did she say.  

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When.  

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I was younger? I feel like I used to have a really hard time with, like, if I had a thought, like it would just come out. And I've worked on this a lot as a as a person. I think I kind of like to think of it as like a traffic signal. So like your red, your green, your yellow, you have to like red a stop when you have the thought. Okay. And the yellow is like, think about it. Is this appropriate? Is this okay to say to other people? And then there's the green, there's the yes or the no.  

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And I feel like that's how I start to take my thoughts. And I think that that can help us be a little bit not less judgmental, but less vocal with our judgment, meaning that you end up like hurting less people.  

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Yeah, I can’t remember what I was going to say. I don't know why it just left me like that. Um, but it's sort of like that thing where you sometimes you judge people without even realizing it. Like what she said, you someone does something, you have a reaction, you're like, oh, like, oh, I would never do that. I don't know why you're doing that. But it again, like what they just said, it really all has to do with how you act on it, because the acting on it versus not acting on it is what makes the difference. Mhm.  

00:12:02:24 - 00:12:14:15 

Um, basing off of what Camie said. Something that I do like before. Like saying something aloud, I think of how is this going to make someone else feel and what's going to be the long run of it that I'm going to have to pay for?  

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Oh, that's a good thought.  

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I don't know. I don't know if this is good advice. Maybe this is just something I do, but if I think of something I want to say before I say it, and if I think, oh, maybe I shouldn't say that, should I say that, should I not? I say, how would my mother feel if I said this in front of her? And then that's how that's how I sometimes, um, decide what I should say in front of certain people.  

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So it's kind of going off of that. What's one thing you wish people understood before judging others?  

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I think that I, I think as we speak.  

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Good question.  

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I think everyone feels judged and it's a thing. You're not alone. Everybody's feeling like this. So before you say your opinion, it's like the golden rule. Like, treat others the way you would want to be treated. If you don't want to be judged. Don't judge others.  

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Well, that's about time for today. We want to say big thanks. Thank you for listening. Today's episode. We know everyone is caring, something you can't see. And I think judgment often says more about pressure than truth and high school. It's already hard enough without feeling like you have to hide who you are, but the growth doesn't come from fitting into someone else's expectations. Like I said, and it comes from learning who you are and being okay with that.  

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So if you find yourself like being judged or judging someone else, just pause, think about it, take a breath and choose understanding instead. Thanks for listening to it. Between the bells. We'll see you next time.  

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Bye!