31. Love To Be Late

Hosts Sangodare and Alexis reflect on time as a social construct and discuss their contrasting time styles. They share time keeping systems that have worked for them and illustrate how shared practices can align intentions, remembering that ultimately, love is always on time. A listener question prompts discussion of repetition, purpose, and consistent relationship practices. They close with announcing the next live taping on April 24th 2026 at North Star Church of the Arts in Durham, and Sunday School on April 26th

• Love Beyond Time
• How to approach differing relationships to to time
• We are what we Practice

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hi, I'm Alexis Pauline Gums. And I'm Shango Dari Wallace. And this is September, a podcast for love ships.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

We're two lovebirds who decided to intentionally create a love ship and share the insights we gather with the world.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

For the past 17 years, we've been relating to our love ship as a sacred space for spiritual practice.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

This podcast is our space to reflect on the insights we've found and been given with you.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Whether romantic, platonic, or somewhere in between, okay, situationships, every bond has the potential to become an offering to a higher vibration for the world. One choice, one act of care, one repair at a time.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

So, if you're ready to think expansively about love, community, and spirit, you're in the right place. So glad you're here. Hello, Shango Dare, you strategic genius who is intermittently committed to us being on time for the things that are important to us.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Hello, my repetition fairy, who keeps a checklist of the things you want to remind me of, remind me to do every day.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

And to keep it in balance, I'm also the one who may remind you and ask you about those to-dos multiple times a day.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

And I'm the one who is so committed, but also not the best at time, so that we we're sometimes so early for the things that are important to us if we arrive while they still setting up. Awkward.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Or I forget altogether. So once again, we are two nonlinear cosmic people that are timeless in the best and the most inconvenient ways. And we are exactly as lovable as you. Today, we are dedicating this episode to Cece, who historically shows up to everything we do on time or early.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

I feel like a big part of what allowed us to build so specifically with CeCe over the years are all those conversations during her punctual arrivals in a community where many people tend to arrive one to 15 minutes or later after the posted start time.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

I would say 15 to 30. Durham standard time equals late. Cece has wonderful stories from her military days and decades of travel and intentional self-development. And I think it's that military precision that makes her so punctual.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Cece is a healer, an energy practitioner. Cece gave me one of the most profound images that I still hold today. We were hanging out and just happened to be in the parking lot of a grocery store. And I remember CeC made an analogy for what some people were doing with this incarnation, their gift of life, versus what they could be doing. Cece says something like it's like they have a state-of-the-art jet and they're just joy riding around the block in it.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Cece sees so much in us and in herself or in our whole community. So much potential.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yeah, and she has invested in it again and again in us and others over the years with her presence, with books, with donations, cooking and providing food on the set of my film.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Oh, yeah. I just finished this year-long book of daily meditations that she gave me. Oh sure. It took me almost two years, but anyway. This is the point.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Yeah. CC has taught us healing techniques, has led Tai Chi at Sunday service, has participated in countless workshops and programs.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

Another CeCism I wrote a song about for the mobile homecoming mixtape. It was true poetry when I heard it. You know, Cece has a wonderful sense of humor, but sometimes it's a dry sense of humor. So she got a straight face, and I'm like rolling on the map. Anyway, dead pan. Cece told me when we were doing yard work at her house one day. Every good butch needs a pair of boots. Hey, man. Bars. Bars you hear.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

And CeCe is the first person we ever gave a mobile homecoming award. The Warrior Healer Medal of Awesomeness. Cece, we love you. All right, everyone. Listeners, now is your opportunity to dedicate your listening to the rest of this episode to someone who inspires you. Maybe somebody who has given you a new perspective on your own potential.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Okay, dedication launched. Ready to get into the heart of it? Let's grow. And guess what? It's still September.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

Every week we have a technology for you from our journey and our teachers with North Stars that can guide you as you navigate your own slow drag dance of relationship with spiritual practice. And on today, we just drop by to remind you that love transcends all space and time.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Mm-hmm. Our sacred text today is something the Antiguan writer Jamaica Kincaid said about her most recent novel, See Then Now. She says, it is an attempt on my part to make all of existence into one moment. Always now. Always now. It is also an attempt of mine to understand the thing we call time, which is incomprehensible and must be one of those things called social constructs. Time is indifferent to whether we can measure it or not.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

Time is indifferent to whether we can measure it or not. Can I measure it? I don't, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Not. Which means that historically, I try to do whatever task I need to do as soon as it comes into my mind because I don't trust myself to remember it later. In my mindfulness practice, I'm trying to grow beyond this and maybe just make a note when it comes to my mind. But as an attention diverse person, I often feel like if I don't do it now, it will slip away into oblivion. Slip away. So I'm meditating. I'm using the cutest app ever. Shout out to Finch, which should sponsor this podcast, recommended to me one year ago by our beloved Danielle Purifoy. But I'm using all these methods in order to be more present with you and in our relationship.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

Who, me?

SPEAKER_00 7:09

Yeah, you. But it means I have a tendency to be doing multiple things at once. And I struggle to do only one thing at a time. So I listen to podcasts while I clean or cook. I talk on the phone.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

Hands free, of course.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

While I'm driving. I only recently learned that this can also be a trauma response. That volatility or feelings of being unsafe can program us early on to feel like it's not safe to pay attention to only one thing at a time. Multi-attention at the same time feels like watching my own back or keeping myself protected. And so I tend not to allow myself many time gaps. Like I always put something in the gap until it's exactly time to pivot to the next thing.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Wow. Yeah. My relationship to time is different, which means I can basically only do one thing at one time. And when I'm doing whatever that one thing is, I may lose track of other things that are equally important to me. I go so far in that, you know, time and space transcend, you know, it's like I'm in the infinite zone. Discovering the new landscapes of whatever it is I'm exploring, whether it's software or it's a book or it's, you know, a piece of art that I'm working on. Even like this podcast, I may be working on it and go completely in, or I may forget that we even doing a podcast and that we have not done it yet this week. I may forget to eat, drink, water, make an important call, or even just turn my phone ringer on to receive an important call. May forget to sleep. You know, it's a wonder that I've survived this long. But I've had a lot of support and sometimes even supernatural support. So I really have to do the most, as they say, to remember and be present to anything or anyone outside of my own mind, body, spirit. Hence, sometimes we are way too early.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

Yeah. And so, dear listener, you can imagine that when it comes to showing up somewhere other than our house at a particular time, our different relationships to time can cause complexities. I was gonna say chaos, but that's better. Part of the issue is that I hardly leave myself any buffer. Even though Shango Dara, you always say, leave time to remember what you forgot. And you're right, I almost always have forgot something.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

And I sometimes have no awareness of what time it is at all. So when you come knock on my office door at the no-buffer time that we actually need to be leaving, I am totally unprepared. I'm like, oh man, I ain't even dressed yet.

SPEAKER_00 9:57

We have tried many methods. Shout out to the book Good Busy: Productivity, Procrastination, and the Endless Pursuit of Balance by Julia Scatliffe O'Grady. And we do a pretty good job of calculating the buffer time now.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

Basically lying to ourselves about what time we need to be somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

So then we end up late for the fake time and kind of on time for the real time, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:23

But, you know, it's a work in progress.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

And our experience of working across time modes. And sometimes also time zones with work travel. Is just one example of what it means to be in love ship, creating life together, when we have different relationships to social constructs like time or space or money. Future episode. Anyway, space-time, spooky action at a distance. It's a mystery. Shout out to Einstein.

SPEAKER_02 10:53

Einstein.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

Some of the methods that work best for us are having time as part of our daily check-in. So we can remind each other at the top of the day what's on the calendar and what tasks we each have prioritized for the day.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

And the other method is just to have grace and be in the moment when something happens. Like I drive you to the airport in the dark early of morning just to find out that you bought a plane ticket for a month later.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

But you mean I can't get on this plane? Because as your grandfather taught you, which we mentioned in a previous episode, everything is impermanent.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

Except for love.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

In the moment, we can always choose love. Even if we're frustrated about being late or sometimes completely missing something that we are looking forward to. Or early. And I feel like you you overselling this early. We're not early that often, y'all, dear reader. But love and grace allows us to not dwell in blame for long and to find methods that help us navigate time better and more intentionally as we go. That's right. Our first North Star is time is a construct, a relationship, and we all relate to it differently. There is no one right way to relate to time, but the way we relate to it does say a lot about our methods for navigating life.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Our second North Star is we can create practices, repeated ones, that match our intentions for how we want to relate to time together across our different methods.

SPEAKER_00 12:31

Our third North Star is love is always on time. And love, grace, and compassion are the best ways to approach the challenges that living in time offers us. That's right. Okay. Do we have a listener question? We do. This is from our beloved Nadine, who we dedicated an episode to Nadine and Josh a few episodes back. So Nadine, our newly elected school board member, says, I love hearing you talk about your practices and regimens and how much you put into your work. Might be boring for some, but it is such a good reminder that you have to put in the work to make things happen, even when you are incredibly talented and blessed. Oh, thank you, Nadine. Yeah. Do you have thoughts?

SPEAKER_02 13:28

What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Work, work, work, work, work, work. Um I think, you know, we talk a lot about our daily check-ins and our quarterly check-ins and um our practices in the morning. And, you know, I I think that they're I mean, Nadine is is right. I don't think that any of the results that we have come from not putting intentional practices in place.

SPEAKER_02 13:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

And I think there are areas where we need more practices too. Like I don't think I don't think we have it all figured out. Um and you called me a repetition fairy earlier. I really do think repetition is is real. And so even as a nonlinear cosmic being, I know that when I engage something that's important to me every day, I do see results. Even if I don't know what those results are going to be, even if I'm not the person that's 100% in control of progress on that situation, you know, like there are there are big things. Like, for example, um, you know, my family's going through this big transition around our relationship to Anguilla and, you know, what what our grandparents have created. And that has a lot of moving parts, but just attending to it and like putting my mind on it or reaching out and talking and having a conversation about it with someone every day is what I can do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

Yeah. That's I love that you said that because I was thinking about relationships. And I mean, I know this is a podcast about relationships, but it's really important. Like pouring into relationships consistently over time. And I I've seen us do that, you know, all across the country. There are people that, you know, at certain parts of our life, certain times of the year, we're engaging a lot, and other times not so much. But what we're bringing to those relationships, the love, the consistency, like in, you know, JB, you know, when her birthday comes around, like we have some punny song, you know, dedication to offer. And I think that there's a way that that consistency over time, even making requests and reminding people that we're here to receive their requests, I think that that's also an example of, you know, what it is to be in practice and to be in practice in community, um, and to keep to keep trying. Consistently pouring into our relationships and our loved ones, even if it's not all year, the consistency is showing up, but consistently over years is really powerful. And I've seen the the bloom of that, like that people will call on us and make requests of us, and that we can call on our loved ones and make requests of them is really, is really a gift. And I think that that is a big part of the work. In addition to the things that look like work, just the maintaining relationships and celebrating our folks for being who they are, doing what they came to do, you know, working in their purpose and honoring them for what that is for us. Even just every year at the opening of the Tierra Negra farm share. You know, it's like so many of those things that we, those milestones that we get to have access to. I think that's also a part of, you know, the practices and the regimens that really nourish us.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

Yeah, I think for me, repetition invites me to show up and to consistently show up. And I think that's different than like maybe the drudgery of just doing the same thing over and over again or, you know, feeling like, you know, Nadine uses uses this phrase, put the work in, that put the work in is like a sacrificial, you know, I don't know, disassociated thing. I think it's like let me bring my how do I bring myself to this today?

SPEAKER_02 17:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

You know? And I'm very serious like about these like things that are important to me. You know, so I have on my list like be supportive of a mentee. Now I might not know how that's gonna look.

SPEAKER_02 17:51

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:52

But I'm thinking about it. Have I did I speak to an elder today? Did I speak to a friend today? And maybe people who don't have my same forms of neurodivergence don't necessarily need to remind themselves to do that. But it also is this way that when it shows up organically, and then I look at my list again, I'm like, oh yeah, I got to, you know, I got to speak to my friend and that happened. Or yeah, I got we got to say happy birthday to this elder, or just reach out and see how they were doing. And also that means that my everyday life is full of those things that are important to me.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Intentionally.

SPEAKER_00 18:31

Right. And so it's it's but it's it's not just like, oh, what are people emailing me and asking me to do? And then that's what my life is gonna be full of.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

You know what I'm saying? It's like, no, I want to think about this every day. I want, you know, the the projects that I'm working on, I want to at least touch them every day.

SPEAKER_02 18:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

The um ways that I want to treat my body, the exercise, the eating a healthy meal, the the tea that I want to have, all of those things, like that is um, you know, Leanne Betasamosake Simpson, the um incredible Anishinabe scholar who I admire so much, she said that her elders taught her that who you are is your practices. Yeah. So whatever it is that you practice, that's who you are. Right. So I could have an abstract idea of myself as a good mentor and a good friend and a good daughter and a this good auntie and this, that, and the other. But the question is, do I practice it?

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Yeah. That's why purpose is so important, because you know, to put in the work really is a much easier journey, a much more, I want to say, uh intuitive, uh accessible practice when it's at the center of your purpose and you find joy in it. You can get lost in it. You would do it whether somebody pays you to do it or not, to be able to be grounded in purpose makes it easy to put the work in. And those practices and those regimens, I think can really emerge organically from that place.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Yeah, I would say just to close it, bringing it back to love shape and relationship. I think that this idea of really showing up for our relationships or the idea of putting the work in, I do think it means that we bring whatever it is that we're going through, whatever it is that we're thinking through, changes that we're having, questions that we have about the meaning of our life, you know, all of these different things, that we bring it back into the relationship and that we show up and we're curious about each other.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

Right. And so I do think that figuring out a way for that to happen, even if it's like, oh, this is what we like to do. We we like to drink this tea together at such and such a time, you know, like just having a way to have that be something that brings us together. Um yeah, I I think I think that's really important because relationship, we're not just related because we're related. We're related because we're relating.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

You know, it's it's an active, it's an active process, and that's part of what I hear when when I hear Nadine saying, put in the work.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

Yeah. And I get to practice that with you. Put in the work.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

Lucky me. All right. All right. Thank y'all for listening. And we have any announcements?

SPEAKER_00 21:51

We have an announcement, which is that we would love to see you. Uh, by the time this podcast comes out, I think it's gonna be this coming. Next weekend, we're gonna do our next live podcast taping Friday, April 24th at 6 p.m. at North Star Church of the Arts in Durham. And we are gonna be having an inclusive queer black feminist ecstatic Sunday service on we call Sunday school. Also at North Star at 11 a.m. on Sunday, April 26th. Bring the family. We would love to see you there. All right. And until next time, farewell. Thank you so much for listening to the September podcast. If this conversation spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it with someone who might need it. And don't forget to leave us a question to cover on an episode and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It really helps more people find the show. Until next week, stay in the ship as an offering for yourself, your community, and our collective spirit.