38. An Unreasonable Love (Go Knicks!)

On this episode hosts Sangodare and Alexis celebrate the New York Knicks winning their first NBA championship in 53 years, and how sports and fandom connects to the legacy of collective love and teamwork. Using Alexis’s Dad’s Knicks loyalty as a metaphor, they offer three north stars about how love is it’s own reason and answer a listener question about whether or not it makes sense to have a goal oriented approach to relationships.

• Love Unreasonably
• Lessons From Knicks Fandom
• Chrysalis Purpose Roadmap

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hi, I'm Alexis Pauline Gums. And I'm Shango Dari Wallace. And this is September, a podcast for love ships.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

We're two lovebirds who decided to intentionally create a love ship and share the insights we gather with the world.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

For the past 17 years, we've been relating to our love ship as a sacred space for spiritual practice.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

This podcast is our space to reflect on the insights we've found and been given with you.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Whether romantic, platonic, or somewhere in between, okay, situationships, every bond has the potential to become an offering to a higher vibration for the world. One choice, one act of care, one repair at a time.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

So, if you're ready to think expansively about love, community, and spirit, you're in the right place. So glad you're here. Hello, sweet sexy shot caller, who everyone thinks can play basketball because you have so much swag. Hello, nerdy, bookish cutie, who no one realizes has deep sports fandom in her history. Deep. And to keep it in balance, I'm also the one who barely watches sports anymore because I get hyper-emotional and cry, and because my first reason for watching sports was to spend time with my dad. Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

And I'm the one who, quiet as it's kept, and as at home as I may be in athletic wear, you look good in some sporty athlesia wear. Uh because of my many minor ailments, I'm probably better suited to never play basketball. But I am working on my agility and my strength. So we'll see about picking those martial arts back up.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

So once again, we are two love champions who get overwhelmed physically and emotionally sometimes, and we are exactly as lovable as you. Today, we dedicate this episode to our beloved chosen family who are the epitome of our love ship values, Eric and David.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Eric and David and their beautiful pups have created decades of love together and are truly teaching a class, creating love-filled life practices just by being themselves.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Open arms, exuberant affirmation, consistently showing up, always showing out. Eric and David are love artists, and we are so grateful to be family with the two of you and everyone you connect with sweetness and grace.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

Your love and specificity is an immeasurable gift. David, your life-changing coaching practice, soul support is a blessing to every community it touches.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

You're literally out here supporting souls at the deepest level. And the way you bring bujeria and magic into our collective awareness as a resource is an ongoing miracle.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

And Eric is bringing literacy to the masses through the most innovative literacy program in the nation. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

And not a moment too soon because I never knew until now how many different ways a nation could be illiterate. All right. And Eric's ancestral love for fashion designer icon, Patrick Kelly, is Blessing Generations right now through Eric's own highly acclaimed children's book, Clothes to Make You Smile, and Eric's forthcoming biography of Patrick Kelly.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

And Eric's already award-winning work on queer literacy, game changer.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

Having the two of you in our lives feels like a big kiss directly from the ancestors. And Eric, it is a great blessing of my life to have you as a soul sibling. And I'm forever moved by the special relationship you had with dad, have with dad. You really transformed the possibility of his relationship to loving black masculinity just by being who you are.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

The way you love and support each other through challenges and in celebration is gorgeous. As spiritually stunning as your beautiful outfits and nails and hairstyles and colors.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

We love dancing with you, making vision boards together, seeing art together, and just being in the radius of your divine, radiant love. Eric and David, we love you. Okay, listeners. This is your opportunity to dedicate your listening of this episode to someone who embodies and exemplifies love to you. Someone who you're especially grateful for, someone who is teaching a class on how to live just by being themselves. Okay. Dedication launched. Ready to get into the heart of it? Let's grow. And guess what?

SPEAKER_00 5:04

It's still September. Every week, we have a technology for you from our journey and our teachers with North Stars that can guide you as you navigate your own victory dance of relationship as spiritual practice. And on today, we just dropped by to remind you to love unreasonably.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

And also to remind you that the New York Knicks are NBA champions. Boop, boop, boop, boop. Okay, dear listeners. You get these episodes about a week after we create them, but just know that in this moment, we are basking in the glow of the fact that for the first time in 53 years, 53 years, the New York Knicks are NBA champs. That's right. Some of us basking more than others. Some of us never thought we would see this in our lifetimes. And so it feels really good. And it also immediately brings me memories of cheering the Knicks on every year with my dad. It feels especially sweet that the Knicks made that history-making comeback in game four of the finals on my dad's birthday eve.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Yeah. And listeners, we know that in our culture, sports are one of the most widely promoted forms of collective love that we get to see practiced. In fact, it's one of the few strongly encouraged forms of nonviolent collectivity that we see in our society. Maybe that's another episode. The point is that many of us learn about collaboration, dedication, showing up, exceeding our own expectations, and putting in long-term work from playing or watching sports, which is why I'm in the process of imagining a queer black feminist sport. But that's also another episode. Teamwork. It's one of the main and original places that we learn about teamwork. Sports.

SPEAKER_01 7:10

Or even a replay. Even a replay. Love is present. And on the public, collective, historic occasion of the Knicks win, but also in the midst of my personal internal experience of living through another birthday without being able to physically celebrate with my dad. Our birthdays are consecutive days in June. I am thinking about what being raised by a Knicks fan has taught me about love. Love is unreasonable. But and it makes perfect sense. Yes. The sacred text is simple today. It's go Knicks. Go Knicks. And may the Knicks go also with you. So here's the thing about being raised by a competitive, winning-minded man, my dad, who's also a Knicks fan and a Mets fan, which requires a similar level of endurance and loyalty, but we talk about the Knicks today. Every Knicks fan knows that love is not a guarantee of immediate gratification. Right. Love doesn't come with a guaranteed payoff or bragging rights that are visible to the whole world. Love is not the result of a rational assessment.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Because if you were rationally assessing the situation, you might choose a different team or buy and move a whole different team to the city.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

Right. What the loyalty I watched and learned from my dad for the Knicks, which for most of my lifetime showed great promise and energy in the first half and failed to rebound after halftime.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Not this year, though, is that love is its own reason. Love is its own reason, its own reward. But we maybe should have a future episode on rebounds. True.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

But love is its own reason. Because do we always want the Knicks to win? Of course we always want the Knicks to win. Of course. Why? Because we love the Knicks. But do we love the Knicks because they always win? Obviously not. We love the Knicks because we love the Knicks. Love is its own reason and its own reward. And most importantly for me, an overachiever kid raised by an overachiever dad, learning that love does not follow the commutative property. I told y'all she was a nerdy little cutie. Taught me that love is not a transaction. It is a practice.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

Love is a practice. It's a practice, practice, practice. It's not dependent on or entitled to a particular outcome.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

If we really knew the outcome, it wouldn't be the journey of life as love. Right. Practice.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

And just like you and your generations have been loving the Knicks, Lexi, all these long years, before getting to enjoy this brief moment. Maybe not brief. Where the whole world has to recognize them as champions. Sometimes the results of our love practice, the transformations of our spiritual growth, the long-term effects of our care and curiosity aren't visible to the outside world. And that's okay, because those outer forms of validation are not why we are here. These aren't trophy relationships. These are love ships. We are here for love.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

We are here for love. Though we may have the trophy right now. All right. What is consistent is the love. And I believe that the practice of understanding that love is unreasonable, most blatantly exemplified through sports fandom, has also been crucial for me as a queer black feminist committed to being accountable to the communities and people who are least likely to be acknowledged as winners by the society we have now. But do I want you to win? Abso darn lutely. Yes. I always want you to win. Because I love you. But is my love contingent on you showing up as a winner? Nope. It's not contingent at all. It's unreasonable. That's what makes it love.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

We define love ships as the practice and the paradigm of relationships as spiritual practice, which means the purpose of our relationship is evolutionary enlightenment into, toward the infinite oneness that we also call love.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

Love is the practice and love is the point. Or three points. Because there are at least three ways to love you. I see what you did there. I choose all three.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Our first North Star is Love is its own reason. Love is not transactional or attached to a particular outcome.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

Our second North Star is Love is its own reward. Love is the method and the result because we are here for love.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

Our third North Star is the victory of love is not measured by external factors. We win every day by showing up with love. All we do is win, win, win, no matter what. Okay, do we have a listener question?

SPEAKER_01 12:42

Yes, we do. Listener says, I have grown to adulthood in the era of hashtag relationship goals. And I am a goal-oriented person, which works well in most areas of my life, but in relationships, I feel like I'm not meeting the milestones of experiences I wanted to have in terms of partners and family by the age I am. And no, I'm not telling you my age. And I feel like I may be too attached to particular outcomes. Romantic relationships are important to me. Is it wrong to have goals in that area of life like I do in others?

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Hmm. That's a good question. Yeah, it really is. Well, I think it's great to have goals in every area of life. But this, like I do in others, I think maybe could be the challenging part because I think like we were talking about with the with the Knicks, it's an it's an unreasonable goal. You know, I think love in our lives and romance and romantic relationships in our lives. So when I'm thinking about a goal in this respect, I'm thinking about intention. Certainly to hold an intention is wonderful, to begin with the end in mind of what do you what do you want your days to be like? And um, you know, what types of people and relationships do you want your time, your energy, you know, your resources to go toward, what, you know, wonderful, serendipitous and joyful experiences do you want your days to be filled with all of that? And to me, knowing that, having that, whether it's, you know, as linear and specific as a list, or as germ, you know, responses to journal prompts, which is some of the stuff we do, or if it's just the practice or practices of recognizing love and its presence in your days and allowing that energy wherever it shows up to flourish and grow and not to grasp. So to me, even holding the intention, don't you think, creates more awareness around when maybe I'm I'm maybe acting out of alignment or out of balance in relationship to my intention. So I'll say that the most important thing in terms of this goal, which maybe it might be easier to uh to hold it in balance if we think of it as an intention, is to see the presence of that, that love, that flirty energy, that joy, in whatever small or large ways are manifesting and transfesting in one's life right now and at all times. So even though I have romantic partnership third way high, I still want to lean into celebrating and acknowledging and amplifying and being grateful for gratitude, gratitude, gratitude for what I have, but also the other ways that that energy shows up in my life.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

Yeah. Yeah, I think I think that makes sense. I mean, to have an intention or a goal or a priority to live a loving life, to live a life that's filled with love is something that can take infinite forms.

SPEAKER_00 16:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

And so it it could be that our imagination of what that is could be more expansive than what we've seen reflected. Right. I mean, queer folks have had to imagine love beyond what we've seen reflected for years and years and generations and centuries, right? Right. Um, maybe not centuries, because back centuries ago, maybe it was obvious we had the gender and sexual diversity that is reality. Anyway, that's another episode too. But I think that there's the practice of recognition that you talked about, Shango Dari, is really important. And it makes me think of the Chrysalis. You know, of course. We're in the midst of launching this chrysalis life purpose roadmap that my dad created. And it's all about defining our purpose for ourselves beyond what external messages have told us is important, which I think could be part of the liberation here. Some I mean, when I hear, I don't know, but when I hear milestones and I'm supposed to have this by a certain age, you know, sometimes I think about these external, external factors and how they can narrow our experiences. But my dad created this methodology for recognizing across time our purposefulness. And yet it's very specific. It does work through milestones and I mean, he wouldn't say milestones, but it it looks at time. It looks decades into the future, it looks at what that has to do with today.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

And so I think it could be something that's really resonant for someone who, like you say, dear listener, is goal-oriented, right? Is motivated by envisioning a powerful future. I think that's a great quality to have. And I think that's a great thing to apply to living a life full of love. It's just that that can also be something that's unlimited for you.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

I think that's where the freedom is.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Yeah. Love on purpose. We are here for love. We are here for love. Got a little agape on this episode, didn't we? Yes. And that's a good thing. That's why we tithe to agape because their love approach infuses us. Listeners, if you want to support us and join the fun, we just had a sweet Juneteenth date night with Patreon subscribers on Friday. You can support monthly through Patreon as well. The link to join the Patreon community is in the show notes. You can also send us a tax-deductible donation via Text to Give. So you can send a text message to this phone number, 53555. That's right, you just send a text message to the phone number 53555. And what should you say in that message? All you have to put in your message is September. Then press in and you'll be prompted on what to do next. Okay. Sounds good. And until next time, farewell.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Thank you so much for listening to the September podcast. If this conversation spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it with someone who might need it. And don't forget to leave us a question to cover on an episode and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It really helps more people find the show. Until next week, stay in the ship as an offering for yourself, your community, and our collective spirit.