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September: A Podcast For Loveships
September is a weekly podcast for Loveships. It explores the tools and technologies that build and sustain life-changing love relationships. Hosted by writer and facilitator Alexis Pauline Gumbs and artist and entrepreneur Sangodare Wallace, this intimate show draws on their 17-year partnership built on the premise of Loveship as a spiritual practice and Loveship as a resource in community.
From conflict and contrast, responsibility and repair, to emotional intimacy and navigating the ever-changing seasons of life, Alexis and Sangodare share insights that nurture not only couples but also families, friends, and communities.
Tune in each week for heartfelt conversations that honor relationships as sacred ground—an offering to ourselves, our people, our ancestors, and spirit.
September: A Podcast For Loveships
46. Love to Countdown and Celebrate
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On this episode hosts Alexis and Sangodare. This episode is an instagram live about relationships as spiritual practice that Alexis and Sangodare did to celebrate the ONE MONTH COUNTDOWN to their 18th anniversary in Loveship! There are great questions and lots of silliness. Enjoy!
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This week we bring you an episode from the Instagram Live we did as we kicked off our countdown to our 18th anniversary. So this isn't our usual format, but we hope you enjoy it. Like to hear it? Here we go.
SPEAKER_00Hi everyone! Hello. We are here live. Yes, live in the countdown. One month until our 18th anniversary. I feel like we should play like pomp and circumstance. Yeah, our relationship is almost old enough to graduate.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, although some people graduate at 17. That's true. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I feel like we also went through some graduations on 17.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Yep.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm. We uh our relationship was ready to graduate, ready to vote, ready to claim and exercise all rights of adulthood.
SPEAKER_01Except for drinking, unless you are in Europe or maybe some other countries. Anyway. Yeah, cannot rent a car. So we're interested in, I don't know, the offerings and inquiries you have for 18. What should we know, folks, that have been in long relationships?
SPEAKER_00Or what do you want to know from us about relationships?
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00So for folks who don't know, this past almost year, we have been in a podcast practice called September. A podcast for Love Ships.
SPEAKER_01Yes, it's almost a year old because we started on our anniversary in September 2025.
SPEAKER_00What is time? Um and so Love Ships is, you know, kind of hi. Our elders have called our relationship a love ship for a long time. And we feel that love ship is a distinction around love as a practice of enlightenment, yeah. Spiritual growth. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Romantic relationships, one of our elders said, is the advanced course. Intentionally being in partnership and collaboration with another person or persons. Yeah. It's the advanced course. It gives you a lot of opportunities to learn about yourself in real time. Yeah. So where can people offer their offerings and inquiry if they're looking at us now live in this Instagram?
SPEAKER_00So there's this little question bubble at the bottom, right? We love you too, Conda. And you can put your question or comment there. Oh, hey, someone all the way in Rome. Rome, Georgia? Or Rome? Probably Rome. Rome, Texas.
SPEAKER_01Yes. So yeah, the little question mark bubble you could put something in there. You could try the comment, but we might not see it because the comments scroll, scroll, scroll. But the question bubble, it holds it relatively easy for us to access, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So even if you have a comment, put it in the question bubble. Yes. And we'll read it out loud.
unknownHow do you avoid bickering and arguing?
SPEAKER_00Mmm. This is a great question. How do you avoid bickering and arguing when life feels overwhelming?
SPEAKER_01Oh, we have a lot of resilient strategies for that. I would say one is sweetness. Number one. You probably have a sense of what that might be. But I think you might want to say more about sweetness. But the thing I like, and I feel like maybe it's a little, I don't know, unusual, is the way sometimes we dramatize the bickering. You know, so like we're setting this up, and Alexis says asked me to say something to me. I'm like, you don't do you know, like, you know, we this I can't even remember what it was now, but like, you know, uh, will you give me my phone? Will you give me your phone? You know, so like a playfulness, kind of going to the snark, but the other direction into the sweetness. I think that's one way.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I feel like our like child selves come in and it brings some levity sometimes when it's just like, oh, there's a lot going on, or you know, maybe some overload. I do think intentional sweetness is important, you know, and and even though it may, you know, sweetheart, where did you put the, you know, whatever. Even if we know that we're annoyed, yeah, having the intentionality of language to be like, but this is a person I love.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, and I'm putting that at the front, even though I'm like, could you please, whatever, find the key.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I think there's a grace involved too in like trusting that she's doing the best she can. And I feel like Alexis also does that for me. I'm doing the best I can, and if it dips below the standards we have, the grace can kind of help buoy us back up. Thank you for that question. Would would this little question mark show us?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think it'll show if there's anything there. There's nothing there yet. Um you can put a question in the question bubble. I would say also there's something. Um there's something about kind of just taking responsibility.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, like ego not too big to take responsibility. Fundamentally, Shango Dari is not annoying to me.
SPEAKER_01Good to know.
SPEAKER_00I wouldn't design my whole life around being around someone who I thought was annoying, just fundamentally annoying as much as possible. I wouldn't do that. If I'm annoyed, there's probably one or two or three reasons. I'm hungry. I don't get hangry, but you do. I'm tired, or I just like in some way don't have what I need. Yeah, you got too much on your on the overwhelm plate. So I could be annoyed by anyone in that state. But so remembering that it's not like, oh, this person is annoying, it's like, oh, I'm not, I need to go lay down.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I need to go lay down, I need a snack, I need to phone a friend, I need to prioritize me in this moment and take some of that time to get back balanced and grounded.
SPEAKER_00Or just say, like, I how I feel, like, I'm hungry and tired. Bye. You know, like just to express that that's where I'm at, I think that can help too. And I think it's a great question to start with because there is, I feel like, this perception, and we've heard it in some of our work that we've done around love ships over the years. There's this perception that people who've been in a relationship for a long time, one of the ways you know that is they bicker, you know? Or even people who are in a new relationship, they're like, oh, our relationship must be really real, because we bicker and and like, you know, there's like that that kind of energy. And you know, who knows? Different relationships are different, but I think in terms of our play and our dynamics, dynamic and how we express how comfortable we are with each other, it's not through blah blah blah, you know, like it's not through, oh, you're so like, yeah, I want to feel safe, you want to feel safe, let's create safety for each other, like a safe space to be who we are, yeah. And to honor, like, we're on the same team. We're on the same spectrum. We are we are on a spectrum for sure, but we're we're on the same team, you know, like we're not in a rivalry with each other, heated rivalry notwithstanding, which we loved. But we're not in a rival with each other, you know. We are on the same team even if we're having different perspectives, or even if we are having different experiences at the same moment.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00That was a great question.
SPEAKER_01What else y'all got? Offerings for our relationship at 18. We're in the 30-day countdown to our 18th anniversary, which will be on September 14th.
SPEAKER_00Oh, Robel is saying, I think I've learned a lot. Oh, see, this is the comments are so fast. I think I've learned a lot how to deal with challenges and microaggressions, but sometimes I have a feeling that I have not learned enough how to deal with sweetness in chosen family. How are you doing that? How you doing that? Yeah, and good to hear from you, Robel. I I got to meet you and your sweet chosen family in Berlin, which was amazing. How?
SPEAKER_01I mean, yeah, that's reflecting back what you said.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's it's a it's a practice and it's uh it's a conscious choice of like how can we bring that sweetness?
SPEAKER_01So yeah. Yeah, I mean the microaggression is thing is real. Um I think I I think what I witnessed Alexis doing is kind of putting on that teacher voice, like, Shango Dari. You know, Shango Dari, I'm just asking because I don't understand. If I knew what you were saying, I wouldn't have to ask you this. Because there's this thing when something is really obvious to you. Uh-huh. And Alexis might ask me, and I'll be like, kind of like that, bruh. Like, you know the answer, and then and then Alexis has to be like, Shango Dara, if I knew the answer, I wouldn't be asking. And you know, it's like that grace is my invitation to to check myself. So yeah, the microaggressions, I think, are real. Uh I mean, I think it could be an example. Like, if I'm if you ask me a question and my response to you is like snarky or a little bit disrespectful. I guess that is kind of aggressive.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Thank you, Robert.
SPEAKER_01But I mean, I feel like that we don't we don't have a relationship where we are harmful to each other. I think we have that kind of standard, so the microaggression feels aggressive like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and we don't feel like like I know that you're not ever intentionally trying to be harmful towards me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Even though you might hurt my feelings. It's not like you're trying to hurt my feelings, and so I gotta defend myself because I'm at war. This is a good question.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and the thing is when I have hurt your feelings, my feelings are hurt, and it's like a feedback theme. It's like, oh, I hurt your feelings, I hurt my feelings, I hurt your feelings. You know, and I appreciate that about us. I would I would like to be attuned in that way, and I think that that's part of what makes that this love shit so safe and so nurturing is our feeling, tones, our our emotional accountability is like intertwined.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, okay. How about supporting creative practice? That was one of the questions. Okay, so this question, this is a great question. Keep them coming, y'all. How do you support one another's creativity? Hmm, do you have an example of that?
SPEAKER_01Well, I sub, I know I support your creativity by uh listening to you read your work or reading your work. Which is why you asked, which is voluminous, um, and offering whatever my skill sets are to that, yeah, the development to editing, definitely, proofreading, web things, app development. You know, it's like my my my power skills I'm offering to Alexis, but also offering her the gift of, you know, I can see what's on your back when you can't when you can't see it. In terms of making space for practice, making space for peace, for ease, honoring, you know, who she is in the world and her purpose and how her purpose is a gift um to the world. I think, you know, generally those are those are some of the some of the things. But I think you do a good job of making space for your own creative practice and have been from small, small, small, small. Small, small, small, small, small, small.
SPEAKER_00How small?
SPEAKER_01Child.
SPEAKER_00And I think, I mean, I think likewise it is um it is a form of creativity to find ways to support someone else's creativity. That's true, you know, and so I think that you know, with you, it's been like I'm looking at the drum set, I'm like, your music is important, your music can heal and save lives. Just go ahead and put the drum set, the piano, put everything in the living room, if that will make it more possible for you to make your music. Or um a few weeks ago, I I facilitated, even though I had lost my voice, I facilitated, I used PowerPoint, which I never use in my life, but I used PowerPoint to facilitate you through a process of your vision for your art studio that you're creating, you know, like it it's um I think grounded in our own superpowers, right? We can offer those to each other and especially in support of each other's creativity because I think that that's part of what we value most in the world is creativity and creative expression, and I think in each other. And you know, Shango Dare knows whole young adult audio musical novellas that I've written that y'all don't know nothing about. You know what I'm saying? Like, I know aspects of Shango Dare's work that haven't reached the world yet, but I've already been moved by them. And so when I see, like, oh my gosh, what would it mean if, what would it mean if, you know, like it's uh the opportunity to be a cheerleader, actually like the first cheerleader, right? Right, because of the intimate space of getting to what I feel like is just a huge honor to be, you know, not only just walking by hearing Shanghudari singing in the shower like it's my favorite rock concert, you know, but also like, oh, this is what you're thinking about. Ah, it's so exciting, and like thinking about what it'll mean for it to reach the world.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think that that creativity, cheerleading is really powerful because I mean, I think there's even times when some of the administrative logistic things related to creative work because if you're sustaining yourself on it, sometimes it leans over into the business, leans over into the making requests and including other people. And I know I I don't love that we face this, but I love that I get to be a hype, your hype man for like when when you need recommendations for something and you're you know shy about reaching out to these elders and teachers of yours that love you and appreciate you and value you, then I get to be the one that reminds you, like, oh baby, you don't know something about you. They're probably sitting somewhere like thinking about you, talking about you, and would be heartbroken to think you don't want to ask them for a recommendation. You know, and I feel like Alexis does that for me. It's like I I have this pattern where I'll make a like retreat space for my creative practice and then fill it with other things because like the universe is like, oh, you really gonna make space for your creative practice? Well, so-and-so really needs you this week. Are you gonna tell them no? No, I'll tell them no. Yeah, so so we get to be champions um for one another, and I think that's kind of what I was speaking to, and I was like, What's on your back? Yeah, what's on your back? Like, what are the things you can't see, or how do you feel shy or trepidatious about something that we and the world and the ancestors and the universe know is there for you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's so good. It's like we can we see each other's gifts up close, and we also see each other's patterns of self-sabotage up close. Yeah, so we can be like, let me cut it off before, you know. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I mean, I think even the inspiration for creative work, at least for me, comes from some of the the challenging things in relationship, in love ship, and you know, some of my best poetry is from nightmare dreams I've had about Lexus, me doing bad things in your dreams and you writing poems about yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I mean, and you I mean, I think about even the writing practice I'm in now is because of the ancestral remembrances, character development process that you created. You know, I I think that our ancestors have showed us there's a reason that we write here together. Yeah. And there's I think that that's another piece of it is understanding that our relationship isn't just like having someone to be around or um sustaining my ego because I'm next to this fine person right here, you know, even though that is also true. But it's like we're here to support each other to live our highest destiny, yeah. And our ancestors have put us here, and this is this is the reality of what our relationship is. So if there's an honoring of that, that is the baseline.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. How do you keep believing in each other in this harsh world? I think being interested in the light, being more interested in the light, the love, um, the peace, the joy that we see in our communities and in our in one another, and amplifying that, like being a feedback loop for that vibration. I think that that is one of the most um powerful things that keep us believing in each other and the collective, the larger, the collective each other. And I feel like it it pays in dividends. It's like what I'm interested in and what I'm grateful for shows back up to me over and over again, um, multiplied. And I won't get into my exponent conversation of excitement.
SPEAKER_00You got math, you got math. Well, no, and I I mean, honestly, I I do think that there's a lot that can be harsh about this world, but when I think, I mean, when I think about you, it's not a challenge to believe in you. You know, it's like to me, it's so self-evident that you are exactly what the world needs, the love that comes through you. And I feel that way about our community and our other loved ones. It's like, yes. You know, yes. And and I and I feel it maybe even more because of some of the contrast of as a species, what we're going through, how much people need the love and creativity that I get to witness in our folks, and especially in the oh, this is a great question. How do you all fortify and protect your relationship as folks who are also sought after for counsel? Curious about how you care for that balance. That's a good question. I feel like we had a similar question on one of our live podcast episodes too. I think that um fortifying our relationship is up to us, right? I mean that that that has to do with being in our practices. We have daily, seasonal, weekly, monthly. Like we we have practices that are about fortifying us and checking in with each other and growing intentionally and looking at at what's coming up for us. You know, like that that fortification work I think would be necessary whether or not people were seeking us for counsel or whether or not we had something public like the podcast. Like that, that's just what it is to um just like we you fortify your creative practice, you you fortify your body with your vitamins, you know, all of that is like that's a necessary thing. And I think that but at the same time, I mean part of what I hear in this question is there are areas that we're still working through that we might not be ready to talk about on a podcast or talk about on this Instagram live, you know, that that are like for us to be working through and for us to be individually looking at what it what it is for us. And so I guess that could be a form of protection, you know, of being able to discern here are the places like the sweetness, the resilience practice. Here is a place that we could share from that we feel really strong in and confident in. We've had a lot of lessons in it, and and this is where we're at. It's working for us, yeah. And there may be other areas where it's like, we're not the teachers of that. We just don't ask me. We were medial students of that, you know. And so we're we're just trying to work that out and not to pretend to be like, well, we must be experts on everything just because we realize that we have received so much from our elders and from our teachers and through our experience together over almost 18 years, we want to offer that. We want to offer the good things, you know, and also just be honest about the humility that we don't we don't have everything figured out. And some of those things that we're still figuring out, we figure that out on this on this scale. And maybe one day then we'll have this powerful testimony of like this is something that we figured out that we struggled through, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I think also in relationship to this question about counsel, is really we're inviting people into practice, we're inviting people into considering certain approaches and trying those things on for themselves. We're acknowledging and pointing to people that inspire us, and one demonstrating just that, like look around and find the find people who inspire you, who who support you to be who you are and who you want to be. Um, but also you know, that gratitude practice. and looking for and expecting to find people to be grateful for and people who can um you know who can pour into you you know so I don't I don't I don't so much think that what we're doing is like saying we know a lot about the thing that we know about as it is we're saying this is experience we've had this is an insight we have this is something our elders have taught us this is um a lesson that we learned and hopefully it can inspire you to to do a practice or to approach something from a different perspective and I feel like a lot of times even in our conversations especially at the lives where people are asking questions and giving their own comments and testimonies I'm learning so much and having so many additional perspectives perspectives from which to like consider this love shift and all kinds of relationships like friendships and even um yeah even the way that people speak back to us things that they've heard in the podcast have been a gift to me. It's like oh we said that thank you for telling that that actually helps me yeah I wasn't present to it yeah yeah I think that this is and we can maybe talk a little bit more about the podcast since we have um seven more minutes um seven whole but let's see there might be some other oh here's some more oh that's a different one oh yeah yeah this is this is another good question um but I'll just say our our podcast we we see it not as like a demonstration of our expertise stay in the brain hands stay in the brain stay in the ship we see it as our offering towards a community of practice like where all of our relationships can be spiritual practice and that can be something that we participate in with you all with you all yeah yeah as you grow evolve change as individuals how do you nurture or navigate unexpected changes do you have to reintroduce your changed selves oh yes allow me to reintroduce myself my name is Sean go Sean anyway literally this is not the name that you had when we met right it is it's not I think that's one of the most exciting things about being in this love ship actually even when I propose to Alexis I propose that we grow and like doing our work and then coming out with a new insight that like transforms us and sometimes transforms our relationship like tithing did um or like if you know one of us goes on a long trip and we have these breakthroughs and insights and comes back I think that is the number one thing that makes it new and um exciting because the evolution is moving up so as long as we both are moving up and out and expanding I think it's wonderful useful valuable the challenges I think only come if somebody in the love ship is not relating to life and purpose in that way. So I don't I don't experience the growth evolution and changes and transformations as um challenging even when they're unexpected. And then there are even have been times where you had an insight or an expansion and it's like I gotta catch up to it.
SPEAKER_00It's like well yay here we go I get to grow here we grow as Angie Angie Harvey would say here we grow. Yeah so I think that part of that is because that's one of our core commitments is a commitment to purpose a commitment to grow. Yeah you know and and I think that that maybe is part of the definition of what we're saying about love shift is spiritual practice. My social anxiety it's not you're not an excuse for me to not grow right you know and so we're providing support for each other which is not always the same as comfort for each other. Right because I'm a sweet space for transformation. Emphasis on the transformation yeah and emphasis on the sweet um so yeah I I but I do think that we we do reintroduce ourselves and that's part of what what I'm saying like when we have our daily check-ins and when we have our seasonal check-ins it's like it's like this is you know this is the vision I had this morning this is what this is the the breakthrough that happened when I was journaling and this is something I realized about myself that I didn't even know yesterday and I am kind of reintroducing myself by sharing that you know and over time also there's like initiations you know for me I feel like every book is a different initiation and I am a different person and there's spiritual initiations and there's you know big life transformations and I'm I'm glad we're not the same people that we were 18 years ago. Oh my gosh because oh my gosh I mean they they were sweet they were they were also sweet they were also cute and oh my gosh they didn't have as many tools as we have now yeah and like the the suffering of not knowing what we didn't know right and we had to learn it you know yeah I think the resistance to growth is a lot of times where conflict comes from and I don't think that we're resisting we're not resisting it.
SPEAKER_01We're here for that we're we're that's like the whole reason that we're here yeah and we're also here for our what I think of as our September and September podcast and love ship community and um in the next year of this podcast so September 14th is our anniversary of growth will uh be our 18th year and in year two of this podcast September podcast for Love Ship we're excited to have conversations with those folks that we dedicated to yes so you may have noticed that if you listen to September every time we dedicate to some people that we love that inspire us.
SPEAKER_00Most of them are living some of them are ancestors so we won't be able to interview them on the podcast. But maybe a representative person or a loved one of theirs or skull and so it's really taking the next step because the whole point is for us to bring the lessons that have been poured into us from our community into the larger community and so we're excited to dive deep with the people who have been our teachers some of them without even knowing that they're being our teachers yeah so I'm excited for that some of those might even be live and in person that could be awesome.
SPEAKER_01You could be there yeah I feel like we're gonna get North stars from those folks or maybe even just stories and insights that you know can be a blessing. Message yeah a blessing and an invitation um to us and I think even some of them some of them might be videotaped so let me find audio and and video yeah so we're looking forward to that also next year of the podcast looking forward to doing some live events in Durham where we live but also maybe some of the places that we travel including some date night game night we love to play if did you notice yeah we want to play with you I'll say I got eight small dry race boards I don't know if y'all have to see have any uh if that's a hint for anybody of what games we might play what love ship games we might play with that stay mysterious right okay and in the last minute what else what else is coming in year two of September of Podcast for Love Ship to celebrate our 18th year of Love Ship well part of the reason that September podcast is called September is our anniversary is in September of our first date of our first date which is my grandma's birthday which is wonderful um but also when we were thinking about the podcast the song September by Earth Wind and Fire really inspired us and there's actually like music is such a part of our relationship you are a musician and we'd be singing around the house and making up songs like that that that is a major part of how we relate so song remixes yes song remixes and I think of them as um healing satire some of the absurdity of the love songs that are our collective you know sauce I guess yeah um but also some of this some of the um sweetness the messages in those songs and the messages in those songs and maybe we want to revise right we want to revise or even some queerness additional queerness we want to pour onto it so I'm excited to play and Alexis is the queerer we're the better and Alexis has bars bars yeah y'all didn't y'all didn't know that I have bars I'm I'm MC I'm I'm secretly MC yeah only you know and three other people maybe know yeah so I'm excited for us to get to play together in that way and for y'all to like vibe on some of these um these songs I'm like oh music videos we have some unreleased music videos that is true that we made on uh a certain beach vacation yeah that was an anniversary also yeah okay well thank you all for spending this time with us um yeah and the countdown continues I'm excited to share some dates about these game nights you can feel free to ask questions or if you're interested in being specifically invited you can let us know that too you can email us at mobile homecoming at gmail dot com. Yeah and if you want to find out more about this podcast right now you can look at mobilehomecoming dot org slash love ship all right we love you until next time stay in the oh ship oh ship I said okay until next time farewell we love y'all we're gonna now have the rest of the date night by Lisa