Episode 5: Why Employees Don’t Disclose Abuse—And What to Do About It

Most bosses assume that if an employee were being abused at home, they would tell someone at work. The uncomfortable reality is that silence is often the safest option in a survivor’s mind and it is fueled by real workplace risks like lost income, stigma, retaliation, and fear that HR will not believe them or will document them in a way that backfires later. 

In this episode: 

• I walk through the most common barriers to domestic violence disclosure in the workplace 
• I share my personal experience with this, as an employee and as a boss
• You will hear two powerful workplace stories: 
  • Rachel, whose lateness masked coercive control and sabotage, and 
  • Jordan, who was protected because her employer had a clear domestic violence policy and a swift safety responses
• We end with practical, trauma-informed strategies for HR professionals and managers. 

 If you lead people, this will change how you interpret “performance issues” that might actually be warning signs. 

If you want a safer, more supportive workplace culture that balances compassion, compliance, and employee safety: listen, subscribe, share this with your HR network. 

I would appreciate a review so more leaders find these tools as well!

Transcript

Barriers That Keep Survivors Quiet

A Survivor Story From 911

Isolation As A Business Owner

Support Without Disclosure

Data That Explains The Silence

Two Workplace Stories Rachel And Jordan

What Employers Can Do Now

Mistakes To Stop Making

Resources And How To Share

Subscribe And Closing

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to the Safe Work Advantage Podcast, where we help HR professionals, managers, and business leaders create safer, more supportive workplaces for employees facing domestic violence. I'm April Hardy, survivor, advocate, and founder of In Case I Murdered LLC. And this show is where compassion meets compliance and safety meets strategy. Many HR leaders believe that if someone on their team were being abused, they'd say something. The truth? Most won't, and for good reason. Survivors are often isolated, ashamed, and terrified of the consequences of disclosure. What happens if their abuser finds out? What if HR doesn't believe them, or worse, penalizes them for speaking up? These are real fears, and they're why silence is more common than you think. Let's talk about the barriers to disclosure and what you can do instead. Fear of job loss. Many victims stay quiet because they rely on their paycheck to survive. They worry that disclosing their situation might label them as high-risk, unstable, or unable to perform their duties, even if they're among your top performers. Shame and stigma. Abuse survivors often carry deep shame, wondering how they let it happen, or fearing others will see them as weak. In many workplace cultures, personal problems are seen as unprofessional, which only fuels silence. Lack of trust in HR. If your company hasn't made clear that HR is a safe, confidential place to turn, many won't take the risk. A lack of follow-through or inconsistent support in the past, whether related to DV or something else, can drive distrust. Fear of retaliation. This can take many forms. Maybe the abuser works in the same building. Maybe they have friends on staff. Or maybe the survivor simply fears being moved, demoted, or treated differently after speaking up. Legal and custody concerns. Survivors with children may fear that seeking help at work could be misinterpreted in a legal case. They may worry their parenting will be questioned or that their abuser will twist the narrative. Let me tell you why I understand this silence so deeply. Because I lived it. When I was working as a 911 dispatcher, I was literally the person people called when they needed help escaping danger. I took domestic violence calls. I knew the protocols. I knew the ineffective resources. I knew exactly what victims were told to do. And I knew what a nuisance my law enforcement co-workers thought those romantic relationships were. Every single barrier I just described, I experienced them. I couldn't risk losing my income because I was our family's only financial provider. I felt ashamed because I wasn't ready to leave my husband, my daughter's father, yet. And how could I, a 911 dispatcher who rubbed shoulders with law enforcement officers and helped other people, not be willing and able to leave my own abusive relationship? I didn't trust that anyone would understand, and I was absolutely certain that if I said something, it would make everything worse. People that I worked with knew that things weren't good, but no one asked if I was okay and I didn't speak up. I showed up, I did my job, I cried in silence, and I lived in fear before, during, and after I left that job. Later, when I owned my cleaning business, the silence continued, but for different reasons. As a business owner, there was no HR to go to, no manager to confide in, no employee assistance program. It was just me, trying to hold everything together while my abusers dismantled my work, my focus, my family, my income, and my mental health. I didn't disclose because I didn't think anyone could help. And honestly, I didn't think anyone would believe that someone like me, competent, professional, capable, could be in that situation. That's the trap. Survivors don't fit a stereotype. We're your top performers, your managers, your long-term staff. We're showing up and doing the work because that's the only control we have left. And if we don't feel safe disclosing, we won't. Not because we don't need help, but because the risk of speaking up feels greater than the risk of staying quiet. That's why I built Safe Work Advantage the way I did, because I know what it's like to need help and not be able to ask for it. This program doesn't require disclosure. It doesn't require a conversation with HR. It just gives employees access to the tools they need, privately, safely, and on their own terms. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is make help available without making someone raise their hand. Quick facts segment. 65% of survivors say they're afraid of losing their job if they disclose abuse. Less than 10% of DV survivors say they feel safe going to HR. One in four say they stayed in a dangerous situation because they feared losing their income. Let's talk about Rachel, a customer service rep who was routinely late. HR assumed she was lazy. In reality, her partner disabled her car as punishment for talking to other men at work. Rachel never told anyone. When she finally quit, no one knew why. Jordan, a medical technician, did come forward. She quietly told her supervisor that her ex-partner had been showing up in the hospital parking lot. Because the facility had a clear DV policy, the response was swift. Security was alerted, her parking spot was changed, and she was given access to a trauma-informed safety course through a private link. Jordan kept her job and felt seen, supported, and safe. What you can do. If you want survivors to access support, don't make it dependent on disclosure. Here's what helps. Offer private, self-paced resources like Safe Work Advantage, available to all staff. Normalize safety conversations in staff meetings, onboarding, and intranet updates. Train managers to recognize warning signs and respond with empathy. Two common mistakes to avoid. Waiting for someone to come forward. Most won't. Assuming silence means safety. Many survivors work hard to hide their situation because they're trying to survive. I don't want to overstep, you might say. Well, you don't need to ask invasive questions. Just offer resources and let employees take the next step privately. That's where Safe Work Advantage comes in. It provides discrete, self-paced safety training that any employee can access without having to raise their hand or make a report. Check it out at encaseimmurder.com/slash safe work today. Or download the five signs an employee may be in danger at resources.aprilhardy.com slash employer-hr dash resources. It's a simple tool to help you recognize red flags and open doors to support. Thanks for listening to the Safe Work Advantage podcast. If you found this helpful, be sure to subscribe and share it with someone in your network. For free tools, templates, and workplace resources, visit aprilhardy.com slash safe work. Until next time, stay safe and help others do the same.