Episode 15- Talk Critter To Me

After arriving at a hotel for the night, tensions of a different kind rise within the group dramatically… Meanwhile, plans began being made about breaking into the King’s Palace.

This episode contains: Sexual Content, Reference to Drug/Alcohol Use, Profanity, Violence, and "Yarg!" 

Transcript

SPEAKER_07 0:00

Jacob, would you go ahead and read the introduction, please?

SPEAKER_02 0:03

C poppy. Captain's and Critters is a podcast about little guys made for big guys as an adult. Content warnings can be found in the episode description, Jacob.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

Why did you want Jacob on this?

SPEAKER_07 0:40

Welcome to Caverns and Critters, a Mouse Ritter real play podcast that tells the story of a group of recently heartbroken and newly single young adults finding themselves cast into another dimension where they've been turned into little critters. Alright, guys. Critter report!

SPEAKER_06 0:56

Da-da-da!

SPEAKER_07 0:57

My critter report is I we have a jumping spider that lives with us, and it's starting to trust my wife. My wife. My wife. My wife.

SPEAKER_08 1:05

I'm gonna take a bread so I can say.

SPEAKER_07 1:07

Yeah, Megan set her finger on the table next to the jumping spider, and the jumping spider looked at it and crawled up on her finger. So they're building a report.

SPEAKER_10 1:15

Tell us her name.

SPEAKER_07 1:16

Oh, the spider's name. That one we named Verde. Idiot. That's cute.

SPEAKER_04 1:21

Verde is a good name.

SPEAKER_07 1:22

Verde because she has little green fangs, and there's another one running around somewhere. We haven't seen her for a bit, so I hope she didn't die. Who has green fangs and also is she's named Emerald. Now listen here. Uh huh.

SPEAKER_10 1:35

I have it on good account that it was Emerald who climbed on Megan's hand.

SPEAKER_07 1:39

Was it? That's what I was told. No, Emerald's the one that I think Emerald's the one that Megan sent you a picture of the other week.

SPEAKER_10 1:45

No, now listen to me. Let's this is really important that we get the record straight on this. Oh boy. Let's see. She says.

SPEAKER_07 1:52

If Megan told you that that was Emerald, she lied. Oh wow. Because we literally named her together. Chat clip that.

SPEAKER_10 1:59

She said, You should show Moki our free range jumping spider, Emerald. And then I said, Thank you for showing me. She's so pretty. And then she says, She let me hold her yesterday. So I'm gonna trust your wife on this and not you.

SPEAKER_07 2:12

Well, I'm gonna wear my white tank top when Megan gets home tomorrow. Whoa.

SPEAKER_10 2:17

Cut that joke from the city.

SPEAKER_04 2:19

Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_07 2:20

I'm gonna drink a monster. I'm gonna let two white monsters create a third.

SPEAKER_04 2:25

Oh my god. It's bad that I laughed at that.

SPEAKER_07 2:28

I'm gonna pre-barbecue sauce stain it before she gets home, dude. Oh my god. Just kidding. Does anyone else have a critter report to report about? Uh my dog's back at my house. So that's good. Nice. She got back from the war.

SPEAKER_08 2:41

Yeah, she was in she was in Vietnam.

SPEAKER_07 2:43

Thank you for their service. She may never be the same. She relives it every day. No, but I'm glad your dog is home. Uh, does anybody else have a credit report?

SPEAKER_10 2:51

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_07 2:52

I have a credit report. Let me hear it, man.

SPEAKER_10 2:54

My great Dane Violet is going through heat. So she has a silly little diaper on. It's very cute and very sad.

SPEAKER_08 3:01

Very cute and sad. I have a pen that I put mine in. Mine just got out of that.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

Oh, a pen. I thought he said a pen at first. I was like, what do you do with the pen?

SPEAKER_07 3:09

I don't know what he's doing with it. All I know is it's mightier than the sword.

SPEAKER_10 3:13

Yeah, I thought you said like a pen, like something you pin in there, and I was like, oh god. Oh god, what does that mean? Oh god, y'all.

SPEAKER_07 3:20

I think I will call to an end critter report. Okay, as everybody knows, we have a Patreon. One of those Patreons has submitted a first aid question for you guys as characters. And if you, the audience, would like to do the same and submit a question for us to answer in character, then go ahead and head on over to our Patreon and pay us money. How much money, John? Three dollars a month at the cheapest level. That's very inexpensive.

SPEAKER_04 3:44

Super affordable.

SPEAKER_07 3:45

It is. You wouldn't even miss that.

SPEAKER_10 3:46

At that price point, I would do anything.

SPEAKER_07 3:48

We actually have so many right now. I'm really proud of how much our Patreon has grown. It's been crazy the past couple months, but nice. Alright. Uh the question that we have today is what does your character not like about their new body? Uh as in their critter body. We're gonna go ahead and start with Catherine.

SPEAKER_04 4:08

Hi, I'm Catherine. I play Roz Schumann. Roz has a few gripes about her bird body, but I think the biggest thing is like she misses having proper hands. Um and the beak is a little bit she's on the fence about it.

SPEAKER_07 4:23

She like turns her head all the time and smacking her head on stuff, like hitting her beak, just Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:29

The vision's all different. She has no idea what's going on at any time, you know.

SPEAKER_07 4:33

She can see in 360 degrees. Yeah. I actually don't know if that's the case with that kind of bird, but I don't know. I should have done more research. Um Isingles. Isaiah.

SPEAKER_10 4:43

Uh my name is Isaiah. I play the character Gail. I think that Gail's biggest gripe with her new body is the lack of utility. Several of her companions have gotten like cool ass wings and can fly. She doesn't she doesn't got anything. She's just her butt smaller.

SPEAKER_07 4:59

That's not true though, because we established earlier on in the season that Gail has advantage on every uh perception check she makes that she is using her nose for. So if you apply that.

SPEAKER_10 5:12

Well, you know what? That's that's good to know. How do I turn this thing off? How do I turn this thing off?

unknown 5:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 5:20

And I will look into some more utility. I'm sure we could find it.

SPEAKER_10 5:24

You don't have to do that. I wasn't, I wasn't like I wasn't pitching a fit. I was just making a joke.

SPEAKER_07 5:28

Okay. I might. I'm not giving you anything. Is it because of the sauce thing? It might be. Totally. It might be because of your your sauceless, dry beating way. Uh up next is gonna be D.

SPEAKER_09 5:42

Ducky. Hi, I'm D. I play the character of Dan. His biggest gripe would have to be the backwards knees.

SPEAKER_07 5:48

They're very difficult to get used to. I don't want to alarm anybody. Those are actually ankles. That's so much worse. Oh god.

SPEAKER_04 5:57

Hey, hey John.

SPEAKER_07 5:58

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 5:58

That is alarming.

SPEAKER_07 5:59

Yeah, right? I don't like that either.

SPEAKER_04 6:02

How far does it go up?

SPEAKER_07 6:04

Yeah, like what you would typically consider the the foot of the of a bird is actually their toes, and what you would consider their knee is actually their ankle. But I guess And that's what got cut off on my left leg, so I just want you to know that. Really, if you go back, you're gonna just have your no like no toes, dude. Like you got the rest of your foot, just no toes.

SPEAKER_09 6:26

No more claw jobs for anybody. Oh shit. Baby baby girl, come on.

SPEAKER_08 6:32

Alright, come next. Candon. So I play Jack and his least favorite part of his no creator body. It's not really his like least favorite part, but it's the most annoying part. It's the tail. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:45

Oh, for real.

SPEAKER_08 6:46

You you can never get used to it. It's just it's just always there.

SPEAKER_04 6:50

It's like the cloaca. Damn it, I should have said the cloaca.

SPEAKER_07 6:53

I I am surprised no one brought up genitalia. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 6:56

I debated it. I was like, no, I've brought it up too many times before. I won't bring up the cloaca again.

SPEAKER_04 7:00

That's how I felt too. Didn't even cross my human mind.

SPEAKER_07 7:03

But for Jack, it's it's the tail. He can't do it the tail.

SPEAKER_04 7:07

Perfectly reasonable, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_07 7:10

To be honest, it is, yeah. Jacob. I don't know what I would say for Samuel. He loves himself.

SPEAKER_04 7:14

Long nose.

SPEAKER_07 7:15

I don't know how that would affect him.

SPEAKER_04 7:16

Huge, big nose.

SPEAKER_07 7:18

I don't know how that would affect him. It's probably how big his dick is. It's like too big for his body ratio.

SPEAKER_02 7:24

Samuel's penis is just like large and it leaves tracks in the snow everywhere he goes. If he doesn't throw it over his shoulder.

SPEAKER_04 7:33

It's a huge inconvenience.

SPEAKER_07 7:34

People think it's my pet earthworm, but it's really It's gonna be such a twist when someone attacks you and it's like, huh, I've killed his earthworm. It's like you're just on the ground. Oh what is earthworm still alive?

SPEAKER_04 7:48

Is there an implication here though that Samuel's human body it wasn't like that? Like, did it not size down with him?

SPEAKER_07 7:55

No, I'm sure it was huge even then.

SPEAKER_04 7:57

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_07 7:58

That thing was massive. I swear, dude. I'm sure he was gifted it both ways. Uh, do you want to go ahead and roll a D8 real quick just for PP size? Roll it with advantage. Oh boy. Why? Roll with advantage. Why does he get advantage and we all get that? Canonical penis size is already pre-established in episode one.

SPEAKER_08 8:16

Canonical?

SPEAKER_07 8:16

Canonical, thank you.

SPEAKER_08 8:18

I forgot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was in the first episode. I forgot about that.

SPEAKER_02 8:22

Oh, I got a seven and a three.

SPEAKER_07 8:25

So here's how the roll for PP works. You roll two D8s, and then the larger number is hard, the smaller number is soft. Oh, that's pretty good. Dude, you gain four inches. Bro. You gain four inches when growing. Anyways, now time for me to say what my least favorite thing about my body is. No! Definitely hairline. Uh I've been smited by God. My hairline is receding. Though Jacob, in his wise ways, has told me well held hair uh hell hair diving. Hell diving. We've been hell diving a lot lately, guys. Uh he's told me wisely that I should love my body as I age, and I've been trying to carry that with me into my into my day-to-day.

SPEAKER_04 9:08

Jacob told you that?

SPEAKER_07 9:09

My girlfriend told me that. I don't believe it, but she did tell me that.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

Just gotta throw the dig in there.

SPEAKER_08 9:14

You know, you know what you need, you know what you need to embrace, John? What? You need to embrace the Timothy Chalamet buzzcut.

SPEAKER_07 9:23

Yeah, but he has does he have a receding hairline buzz cut though? I don't think so. It's like less appealing on a receding hairline. Yeah, that's that's pretty rough. Hear me out here. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 9:32

You take a marker and you just I'm not gonna straight up. Or or tattoo it. Tennet, that's the right idea. I'm not gonna do that. I don't want to do that. Come on, man. I got you, bro. Let me know it. Let me know it.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

I'll just It's recap time!

SPEAKER_10 9:53

Enough. Oh sorry, Dad.

SPEAKER_07 9:56

No more. Last episode, you all went to the library. Dan learned more about Anand and a potential way to get his foot back. Samuel tried to learn how to whittle from a book, and after failing really bad, he stole the book using his worm that eats items.

SPEAKER_04 10:12

Using megamena.

SPEAKER_07 10:13

Not his penis. Not his penis, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:15

Just putting that out there.

SPEAKER_07 10:16

Not his penis, he used the worm. Totally different. I know what I know what his his new critter ability is gonna be, dude. Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Long distance come shot. Why is I say keep jumping in front of it?

SPEAKER_10 10:31

We don't ask questions like that in front of the podcast people, Jacob.

SPEAKER_07 10:35

Not now, kitten. Daddy will discuss it later.

SPEAKER_10 10:38

Daddy's working.

SPEAKER_09 10:39

Not now, kitten whiskers.

SPEAKER_07 10:41

Roz checked out a book for Winston on Ware Dragons and then learned about crafting and did some reading on the history of Appledale. Uh, specifically about King Ferdinand's mysterious rise to power. Jack learned about transportation methods in the land, and then after a little uh trust building talk with the librarian Hank, he was given a map to the king's palace that had been stolen just the other night. And I want to point this out that I did this. Uh, you guys will remember that during the play The Rat and His Soup, uh, that the captain of the guard had received a call and urgent urgently left to go do it. And I'll just throw that out there. I'll just throw that out there. Uh so he was given a map, it's got all the security stuff on it, and you guys talked about it just a little bit. Gail read about how to exchange her accidentally chosen shit spell, and then found a book showing scenic scenes throughout the land of Terra, or Earth, that she visited with her previous partner. She broke down crying and fled out into the rain. She ran into an alleyway and was met by a mysterious vampire bat. After he left, Gail collapsed into a seizure, like Roz did before. Uh, and you guys are at the end of your fourth day until the ball in your honor is held in the king's palace. It is nighttime and raining. I'm gonna say you guys have just ran out of the uh entrance to the library, out into the rain, and you realize that Gail is in fact missing, but you do notice that she ran without specifying that she had left her two little pet bugs behind, a cricket named Casey and a jumping spider who has not been named in canon on screen yet. So, yeah, there's protesters all around you kind of going, boo, boo, trait tooth from underneath the awnings and stuff. Um, that is the scene you guys find yourselves in.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

Guys were kind of famous.

SPEAKER_08 12:30

I don't really like it. Also, Roz, I gotta tell you, I have a MAP in my pocket.

SPEAKER_04 12:38

I'm so dumb, bro. I was like, what the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_07 12:41

Um Me too, dude. I was like, what is that an acronym for?

SPEAKER_08 12:44

Dude, really? We gotta round everybody up, get get out of this little line that we're stuck in of protesters and make our way to a secluded location so that we can discuss what we're gonna do.

SPEAKER_04 12:57

Yeah, we do. I you have piqued my curiosity, my friend. Uh let's let's do that ASAP.

SPEAKER_08 13:03

Also, can I turn to one of the protesters and say something really quick? Please do. Hey, um, you got it all wrong. He's the octopus guy's not that bad. I just I'm I want to let y'all know you're out here for no reason.

SPEAKER_07 13:16

Would you give me a will say you guys are out here for no reason?

SPEAKER_10 13:20

You guys are out here for no reason, okay? He's actually chill as fuck. Uh I got it too.

SPEAKER_07 13:24

This guy is literally like in the middle of booing, and you walk up and you're like, hey, he's actually chill. And then he just goes, Oh shit, really? Dude, hey guys, hey guys, this guy just said librarians chill, dude. Yep. And like three people go home. Like, oh man, we don't have to be out here anymore. And they go home. So you got three people to live. Time.

SPEAKER_04 13:46

Can can Rosaline into lean in close to one of the protesters?

SPEAKER_07 13:51

Please do.

SPEAKER_04 13:51

Who do you work for?

SPEAKER_07 13:53

Would you roll? I guess it would be a a will save with disadvantage.

SPEAKER_04 13:58

With disadvantage? They're not gonna tell me. Not looking good so far. You got a 16.

SPEAKER_07 14:04

Try to true. Well, I'll tell you this. They got a natural 20. I'm looking pretty good right now. He's like, um, um, um, um, um he runs away. That's what he does. He's just gonna run away.

SPEAKER_04 14:20

I was gonna throw her hands up and like shrug, like what?

SPEAKER_07 14:23

Uh you guys look over at the cricket Casey, and he is walking and going, What's that boy?

SPEAKER_08 14:31

What you say, boy.

SPEAKER_07 14:32

And he like gets up and then he hits a point like a dog but a cricket. And then he's like like a dog but a cricket.

SPEAKER_04 14:40

That's cute.

SPEAKER_07 14:43

And then he he starts bouncing off into the night.

SPEAKER_04 14:46

Can I follow Casey?

SPEAKER_07 14:47

Please do. I I also want to follow him. So is everybody going with, or is not everybody going with? Yeah. Okay. I'm going. So you guys all uh run out into the night, and it takes actually kind of a while for Casey. First of all, the rain is coming down pretty hard, so Casey's having a hard time keeping up the scent, so it takes him a while to get you guys to Gail. You head south for a while down some winding streets, you make it to this alleyway, and you see Gail seizing on the ground in this alleyway. What are we doing?

SPEAKER_04 15:15

Roz is gonna run over and try to protect her neck, brace her neck. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 15:20

Wait, Roz, don't touch her. That's good morning. You like grab the back of Gail's head to try to shield it, and immediately your body seizes up, and you are filled with a powerful, overwhelming feeling that sure you felt things similar, but the way you felt them was different. Uh it feels like someone's just straight punched you in the stomach. You are just super overwhelmed by it, and you seize up. Does anybody else do anything before we get into what that entails? What do we what do we do? Jackbuddy, just don't touch them. Leave them alone.

SPEAKER_08 15:52

There's no helping them.

SPEAKER_09 15:52

Give them a couple minutes, they'll be fine.

SPEAKER_08 15:54

They're gone as probably. Samuel, why are we still in the old man voice? I'm in disguise. It's it's just us here, man.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

I guess yeah, do I need do I need to, I suppose?

SPEAKER_08 16:03

Um make a will save. Make a will save. Terrible. I didn't mean to make you like actually have to roll.

SPEAKER_07 16:10

I just I rolled an 18. There is nobody around, dude. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. No.

SPEAKER_04 16:15

Wait a second. No, no, that was DPS. Nobody's around his face.

SPEAKER_07 16:19

Nobody's around. You did a really good look around.

SPEAKER_04 16:20

Allegedly, according to our our DM trying to no. I can't say anything. I'm seizing. So you are seizing.

SPEAKER_07 16:29

Jay Samuel is certain nobody's around. I would I would just leave her then. He just gets a date voices like her.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

They're goners. We've seen it before. They they just need some time.

SPEAKER_08 16:40

Goners. Like they're dead?

SPEAKER_02 16:41

No, it I feel like it's it's similar to what happened to Roz, I feel like.

SPEAKER_08 16:45

Oh, oh. Gotcha. Gotcha. You y'all want to like roll them over on their sides or anything instead of just like letting them lay there? Jack, don't die. Yeah, I would not.

SPEAKER_07 16:56

For this entire scene, it's like one unbroken shot while you guys are talking in the foreground and in the background, it's just like Roz and Gail just flopping around the alleyway back and forth.

SPEAKER_08 17:06

I feel so bad just leaving them here, guys. Can we flip them on their side with like a stick?

SPEAKER_02 17:12

I I don't. We've seen what happened before.

SPEAKER_08 17:15

Aren't you carrying a walking stick, dude?

SPEAKER_02 17:17

I don't have no stick. Just because I'm an old man. I thought you were carrying around a walking. Never mind. I did too, actually. I didn't have anything because I couldn't even pry open the box.

SPEAKER_07 17:27

Those of you who are still awake, caddy corner to you. You hear a kiddie the sound of glass breaking.

SPEAKER_08 17:33

Huh? Uh I'ma go. Y'all do y'all wanna stay here while I go take that out? Preferably.

SPEAKER_02 17:39

I feel like I feel like one of us should at least stay.

SPEAKER_08 17:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 17:42

I'll I'll stay behind and watch them. Jeremy's like, uh, I'll stay here. And then Stessica's like, uh, I'll I'll go with then. Samuel blushes. So it's a group of Samuel, Stessica, and Jack walk across the street.

SPEAKER_04 17:54

Crazy lineup.

SPEAKER_09 17:55

Alright, Jeremy, it looks like it's just gonna be me and you for a little bit. What do you say we uh we spark this bitch up real quick?

SPEAKER_07 18:01

What do you mean by that? Which bitch? What who?

SPEAKER_09 18:04

I got the pipe, man.

SPEAKER_04 18:05

Oh you ever get high, buddy? Dan and Jeremy Friendship.

SPEAKER_07 18:10

I heard that it was bad for gains, but but I'll give it a try. Shh, say less. And uh I take a rip off the pipe and then hand it over to him. He looks at it and then he looks up at you, and he looks at it, and he's like, why am I nervous? Wow, that's weird.

SPEAKER_09 18:24

Listen, everybody's nervous their first time, Brody. You're good. You got it. Okay, don't pull too hard. Take a small little just a little pff, you know? And then I don't know. Jeremy, I'm not gonna pressure you if you're not. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't. Don't want to? Alright. That's fine, Jeremy. I ain't gonna force you.

SPEAKER_07 18:38

I think I should do it. I'm gonna do it. Jeremy, don't force yourself.

SPEAKER_04 18:41

It's that peer pressure when there's no Bro fell for no pressure.

SPEAKER_07 18:48

He so he he puts it to his lips. I'm gonna roll with disadvantage to see how he does. I really it's a 20. It's not a 20. It's two fucking 20s! Oh my god. No way. Oh, he is blitz.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

He's dead, bro.

SPEAKER_08 19:10

He's incapacitated. He's train he's transported to a different Demian.

SPEAKER_02 19:15

He's also flopping on the ground with them now. Oh god, I've killed him.

SPEAKER_07 19:22

Okay. Yeah, that's what happens. He just starts flopping around. Oh god, I've killed him. But a lot more calm.

SPEAKER_09 19:29

And he's just like Jeremy, I tried to tell you, don't take a rip if you don't feel like you're ready, you little idiot. Dude.

SPEAKER_05 19:40

Damn. Let's go.

SPEAKER_07 19:46

Damn. Okay, so you guys are walking uh across the street. And immediately, I mean, like, they're not doing a good job of hiding. You see two birds uh wearing masks, one of them standing as lookout, and you see one that has like like half of his body through the window. What would you guys do?

SPEAKER_08 20:02

Can I kick one of them straight up?

SPEAKER_07 20:04

Okay, just going straight for it. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 20:06

Uh just spar to kick him in the side.

SPEAKER_07 20:08

Can you make a deck save for me? So just roll a d20 and let me know what it is. You're rolling against his will. You need to get below a four for him not to see you coming.

SPEAKER_08 20:16

Two.

SPEAKER_07 20:16

Really? Yeah. So he doesn't he's looking the other direction and it's raining, so it kind of covers your approach to him. Can you make a strength save now for the kick to see if you flex your big muscles big enough to be able to cause him harm?

SPEAKER_08 20:31

I got a 17, so I don't think so.

SPEAKER_07 20:34

Yeah, definitely not. So you like kick him and then you you realize he is a absolutely yoked bird, and he just like turns and looks at you. Hang on, I have to pull down my.

SPEAKER_02 20:44

So, so I'm so so sorry, sir. Oh, my my crazy friend, he just don't know what the hell he's doing.

SPEAKER_07 20:53

Could you go ahead and roll me a will save, please? Actually, can you make it a disadvantage because you're trying to talk down a guy who's literally like uh just been kicked?

SPEAKER_02 21:00

That sucks. I got a I got a one on the d20. And I got a seven.

SPEAKER_07 21:04

So he's like, Alright, man, don't let that happen again.

SPEAKER_02 21:08

Wait, the buff guy sounds like that? Because if he sounds like that, I feel like we could take him. He's still a giant buff guy. Yeah, but the voice makes me feel a little more confident.

SPEAKER_07 21:18

Okay, he's like, well, don't let it happen again, and he turns his back to you. So and he's like, Jim, let's get the heck out of here.

SPEAKER_02 21:24

I like lean into Stesica, what do you think we should do?

SPEAKER_07 21:27

I feel like we could just try to like go find some guards or something. Oh wait, maybe we don't want to find guards because you're with us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

I'm I'm not too liked in that regard.

SPEAKER_08 21:36

Can you guys just just uh I'm gonna just walk over here for a second while y'all discuss what to do?

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 21:43

Where are you going? I I I I just I step back and then while they're talking, I run and drop kick the big bird again.

SPEAKER_07 21:53

Okay, make another deck set deck save.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Let it ride. Let it ride. Let it ride.

SPEAKER_07 22:05

He once again fails to see you coming. Make a strength save again to see if you can damage it. Yeah, so Stessica and Samuel are once again framed in the front of camera, and in the back you just see Jack go and double kick him. Uh go ahead and roll a D6 for damage. So he gets hit and he actually falls over a little bit and he's like, no, you tricked me! Off of his back, he pulls out off this like enormous wooden ore. Like for rowing a boat. Like a paddle. And he's gonna get to make an attack on you this round. So he swings. Uh holy shit. I just rolled a 10. I'm dead. Okay. Okay. So your HP is knocked to zero immediately. Your strength is going to take four damage. So you've gone from ten current strength to six current strength. Uh, will you go ahead and make a d20 roll to try to stay conscious after getting absolutely smacked on the head by this by this guy?

SPEAKER_10 23:08

One. Nice. You're just supposed to die today, I think.

SPEAKER_08 23:12

Wait, no, that's bad, right? Oh god. How do I turn this thing on? Natural one's good.

SPEAKER_07 23:17

Oh. You kind of stumble back and you hurt really bad, but you do manage to like stay conscious. And you can feel that like you taking another hit may lead to you taking a critical injury from this giant guy.

SPEAKER_08 23:29

I slowly walk away and join them again.

SPEAKER_07 23:32

You guys see Jack come over and he's got like from Tom and Jerry, like the big bump on his head, you know. He's got a slow growing bump on his head. Sessica's like, oh guys, I think we gotta go. Damn, Jack. I think we gotta go. Okay, yeah. Uh sorry, we're gonna go now. It wasn't working. And then you see another bird jump out. He's like, Alright, well, I better not see you guys again. And then they both fly off with like one guy holding a bag of cash. That was just money. Not like it's like a bag, it's like a bag of pits. It's a bag of pits.

SPEAKER_04 24:06

I thought you said piss. I was like, why? Why? It doesn't piss. Why would it be?

SPEAKER_07 24:10

What's wrong with it? Yeah, you guys know it's pissed. You guys look at the you guys look at the sign in the restaurant name is It's a Ziploc bag of just piss.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

Yellow glory. Yellow glory.

SPEAKER_07 24:20

Golden Corral is what the name of the restaurant is. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 24:23

Jack, why are you fighting over piss, dude?

SPEAKER_07 24:24

Uh anyways, so you guys walk back to to Jeremy and Dan, and you see Jeremy is spazzing out on the ground, and you see Dan is just Dan, you never rolled for highness. Could you give me a D20 roll, please, for a strength save? Oh, I got an 11. An 11? Yeah, you're high. You're high as fuck right now.

SPEAKER_09 24:41

I'm sitting there just laughing at Jeremy stumbling around on the floor because I find it hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

Oh my god, Jer Jeremy touched him.

SPEAKER_07 24:48

Dan, I love this. I love this guy. I love this guy, dude. I love this guy. Dan.

SPEAKER_08 24:54

Does anybody have any Tylenol?

SPEAKER_09 24:56

Um, I I guess I I don't, but um anyway. Wait, what, Jack? What's good? Oh, welcome back. How'd it go? Jack, you look fucked up, bro. What'd you do?

SPEAKER_08 25:06

I really need to lay down.

SPEAKER_07 25:10

So Gail and Roz. Ooh. So Roz ran up and touched Gail's neck to try to protect her and then started seizing with her. Isaiah, would you please take away uh what it is that Roz catches the end of or sees?

SPEAKER_10 25:24

Yeah, actually, she doesn't see anything. This is just a normal seizure. Just a crazy coincidence that you're having a seizure too, right? It's contagious. No, no, no. The part in which Roz would join in would start with the loud slam of a door. And you can see Gail inside of a chic modern big penthouse. She's just she's just slammed the door out of out of rage. And you can see her just heavy breathing. She's trying so hard to regulate, but she's clenching her fists so tight that she's white-knuckled and she's pacing around the house and huffing and puffing, going. She's mad, something's irritated her. She takes a seat on the on the couch, just throws her whole body weight into it, and leans forward, puts her elbows on her knees and her her hands up to her face as she tries to calm down while her knee's balancing. She takes a second there before she stands up, and you see her make her way to the freezer where she rummages around in the back and finds a really old-looking bottle of whiskey. And she brings it out back to the couch where she sets it on the table right in front of it. Takes up that same position of her knee tapping and trying to control herself while she just stares at it intently. Before eventually, she just gives in and she takes a long swig of it. All the while she doesn't notice her phone ringing on the table in silent. That is where the scene would end.

SPEAKER_07 26:54

Gail, you had just witnessed some kind of vampire bat walk up to you, and then as soon as he walked away and disappeared, turning into a green mist, you started seizing. So suddenly there's people around you now. There's Roz, there's Jeremy for some reason flopping around on the ground, and like your basically your friends are here, and Casey is uh sniffing your face really close to your like he's right in your face, like sniffing you. Like trying to be like, what's going on here?

SPEAKER_10 27:26

I like that noise. Thank you. And the Gail would would wake up very panicked, sweating bullets, just what happened? And she's like looking around, all just terrified at everybody. And Roz would be like right next to her, like touching her, right?

SPEAKER_07 27:40

Yeah, like touching the back of her neck or less.

SPEAKER_04 27:42

So this is your P.O.V.

SPEAKER_10 27:46

The audience at home will have to use their imagination for that. But yeah, Gail would immediately like just shove off of Roz and stand up as quickly as possible, create some distance, and then and then turn her back to her and double over and just like heave, unable to regain her composure.

SPEAKER_04 28:00

Roz has no situational awareness. Situational awareness. So she wakes up like oh my god, Gail! She's like, I saw you in a sick ass apartment. You were pissed drinking? But like, what was that about?

SPEAKER_10 28:13

Gail would turn around and rush up to Roz and grab her by the shirt and say, What did you see? What did you see in there?

SPEAKER_03 28:19

I I just saw the apartment, and that's all I saw. You were you looked pissed. It was a sweet place though. Way better than mine. What else? That's it. You just look mad. That's it. I swear.

SPEAKER_10 28:30

She would release her and angrily just I'm sorry, I didn't I didn't mean to upset you.

SPEAKER_04 28:37

I I was just I was so thrown off by that. Both of those things. I yeah, I don't think Raz is gonna say anything else about that after after being grabbed by the lapel. I think she's gonna be quiet.

SPEAKER_07 28:49

But grabbed by the lapel is maybe the funniest thing I've ever got. So Gail, Gail, you kind of sit sitting in the alleyway. Jeremy managed to roll below his strength, and he was a little bit uh sobbered by the rain for a second, and he sees you, and it's both the combination of the fact that he's a little bit high and that also it's raining. So he's like offset from the high that he's like the right amount of not here to be able to walk over to you. That vampire guy showed you something. How do you know about that?

SPEAKER_06 29:23

He showed me something too about that floating island thing. What did he show you? Show me my back. And nobody should buy it. He said you could bring it all back up.

SPEAKER_07 29:40

So he gave me a way out, though.

SPEAKER_10 29:42

Did he try to give you a way out? No, he he didn't do anything like that, but he told me not to trust the people in power here. Did he say anything about Hatter? No, he didn't say anything about it. Why did he tell us different things? I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 29:57

You met a vampire? Yeah, he was a vampire bat.

SPEAKER_07 30:00

He grabbed me. Remember like I got grabbed at the floating island and then only Roz came out for me?

SPEAKER_10 30:06

I thought that was something.

SPEAKER_08 30:08

I thought I thought you You look funny little guy.

SPEAKER_07 30:14

I mean I Oh my god. Dude, there's a fucking bump on top of your head. Dan, I think he needs the weed more than either one of us. What? I lean into him, I go. I go. I need I think Dan Dan, you better get him the weed. I think he needs it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, hair, hair, hair. Take it.

SPEAKER_04 30:38

Roz is gonna look at Gail and uh Jeremy. Like, I didn't see a bat. What are you guys talking about?

SPEAKER_07 30:46

He didn't show up for you.

SPEAKER_04 30:47

There's bats here?

SPEAKER_07 30:48

That's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_04 30:50

I'm kind of jealous. All I saw was my piece of shit ex Michael. That sucks.

SPEAKER_09 30:56

Wait, why why did you do that, Roz? What was that?

SPEAKER_04 30:59

I didn't choose that. That was it was back at the playhouse. I think Jack knows. Is that what happened to you? Jack knows uh yeah. I mean we just dapped up after that, really, but that's all I saw. I didn't see no sick ass vampire bat. That kind of sucks.

SPEAKER_07 31:15

Sick ass.

SPEAKER_04 31:16

Was he was he sexy?

SPEAKER_07 31:17

Well, I guess like the seizure I didn't see him in the seizure. He came to me before the seizure and grabbed me, and then talked to me for a minute, and then then then and then he he he snapped his fingers and I fucking fell over seizing, and then I woke up and stuff and panicked and freaked the fuck out, and then you were there.

SPEAKER_09 31:35

That's pretty close to what happened to me too.

SPEAKER_04 31:37

Yeah. I'm sorry, Jeremy.

SPEAKER_09 31:39

So what I'm gathering is we need to get the fuck away from this bat, bro.

SPEAKER_04 31:43

Yeah, it doesn't sound good.

SPEAKER_09 31:45

I hit the pipe.

SPEAKER_07 31:46

Okay. Give me a a straight give me a strength save, Candon.

SPEAKER_08 31:52

Seventeen.

SPEAKER_07 31:53

Okay, yeah, you definitely fail your save and you're very high, Candon.

SPEAKER_04 31:59

Oh my god. Nobody's told me if this guy's cute or not, though. The vampire bat. The vampire bat guy?

SPEAKER_10 32:06

No, he's he's disgusting and unsettling. Very gross and scary.

SPEAKER_04 32:11

I was just curious, guys. Come on.

SPEAKER_07 32:13

Stessica's like, okay, well, we we probably shouldn't stay out here in the rain. We're all gonna catch a cold. We should like go somewhere.

SPEAKER_04 32:19

Good idea. Good idea, Stessica.

SPEAKER_09 32:21

Let's go to a hotel nearby. Or we could just sleep in that building those people were at where you heard the crash, they broke a window or something. I would assume.

SPEAKER_10 32:30

I would assume.

SPEAKER_04 32:31

Damn, probably not a good idea. Probably not. I don't I don't think we should be the critters responsible for breaking an injury.

SPEAKER_09 32:40

Oh, fair, fair. So what do you guys think we should do?

SPEAKER_10 32:44

I love I love high hand so much. Yeah, dude. Yeah, it's outstanding.

SPEAKER_04 32:50

It seems like our natural next move is to get closer to the city to kind of investigate everything. Because not only are you guys getting information from a mysterious bat guy, vampire bat guy, that the people of Appledale are not to be trusted. But I'm also reading some interesting things in my history of Appledale book that I just checked out from the library.

SPEAKER_02 33:13

Well, I learned some interesting things in my whittling book, too.

SPEAKER_01 33:16

Alright.

SPEAKER_09 33:19

This is unfair. Y'all are learning cool shit. I didn't learn shit at the library. Who the fuck builds those? Libraries?

SPEAKER_10 33:25

Libraries?

SPEAKER_09 33:26

What do we need libraries for, dude?

SPEAKER_10 33:28

Um I got a man.

SPEAKER_09 33:30

This is what my phone is for. And then we'll just pull his phone out of his pocket briefly and put it back.

SPEAKER_10 33:34

We have phones?

SPEAKER_07 33:35

Yeah, I mean your phones were in your pockets, I assume, for the hike. So you pull out your phone and it's dead. I mean, it's been days, so. And you went to a bar. Oh no, my- I keep my phones off. My battery still at least got five percent on that bitch. It's been days, dude. Are you guys gonna look for a hotel? What are you guys gonna do? We're gonna look for a hotel.

SPEAKER_09 33:56

We have money now, so yeah, we can. Okay. Gail would just go with whatever the group is deciding. Dan just gets uh strolls off to the nearest hotel.

SPEAKER_08 34:03

I'm going wherever anybody drags me because I can't move.

SPEAKER_04 34:06

Speaking of pips, Jack, shouldn't we pay that guy back that you took money from? I have a map. Chat? I have a map.

SPEAKER_02 34:17

I I think we should worry about that after uh after the hotel fees.

SPEAKER_09 34:22

Dan has walked away at this point. He's so over the conversation high. He's just found the nearest hotel and is checking in while they're having this conversation.

SPEAKER_07 34:29

Okay. Okay, so they're kind of loosely following behind. Um, you find a uh a tavern. The closest tavern would be the uh prancing seahorse.

SPEAKER_04 34:38

That's so funny. That's actually very funny.

SPEAKER_07 34:41

That is very clever. I'd like to.

SPEAKER_04 34:42

Because in my mind's eye, that's exactly where we were. Okay. Yeah. Are we gonna meet a hot stranger here named Strider?

SPEAKER_07 34:50

I'm immediately like erasing my nose. Okay. God damn it. They they they clocked me. No, uh, from the outside looking into this hotel, you see like the front of it is like two aquarium tanks, and there's like cool lighting inside, and there's like seahorses around inside, and they're kind of swimming about, and some small fish and stuff.

SPEAKER_04 35:12

Hey, are are fish critters?

SPEAKER_07 35:14

Are fish critters?

SPEAKER_04 35:15

You paused and then you smiled, then I want to know what that's about, but I just want to know like, are they are they the same as us, you know?

SPEAKER_10 35:21

Oh you do know you invented this, don't lie.

SPEAKER_07 35:29

So you guys walk past those two tanks and you walk in inside. Inside is got a lot of like fishing hook decor. Really, really, really old lizard. And he is scrunched over. He has a peg leg and he like walks over. Oh, get it going. Oh, you're looking for a place to stay.

SPEAKER_00 35:54

We have the finest of seafood and the finest of rooms that smell a little bit like fucking fish. Wow.

SPEAKER_04 36:01

Ross is gonna take one step back.

SPEAKER_09 36:04

That smell a little like fish. I got this. I got this. Would you like to stay here? Army made I'd love to stay here.

SPEAKER_04 36:15

Can we can we guys, can we look at a room first? I'm a little bit on the fence.

SPEAKER_07 36:21

Yes, but there's a fee to look at the room before you stay in it.

SPEAKER_04 36:24

What? Okay, how much are the rooms for one night? And can we can all six or seven of us stay in the room?

SPEAKER_07 36:31

You want one room or do you want do you each want your own room? Like, you could each get your own room if you wanted there's enough vacancy.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

I'll take my own room. I don't want to stay with these lovers. It'll be two pips per room. Urrh, here's my two pips. Watch me. Take that out of your character sheets so I don't have to. Urrrg. Two character sheets.

SPEAKER_04 36:54

D doing the voice really like was the shock of the century for me. Okay. That I was not expecting. Dude.

SPEAKER_07 37:03

D does one edible and his third eye opens, dude. Yeah. Dude, he's goaded. So who all wants their own room and who's sharing?

SPEAKER_08 37:14

I'll shack up. I'll I'll shack up with somebody as well.

SPEAKER_02 37:17

Can Samuel like can Samuel put on like his blindfold and be like, Stessica, I I'm I'm uh I need you to guide me and like hold her hand because I can't see. We're in public again.

SPEAKER_05 37:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 37:27

I I think it's best if I stay with you.

SPEAKER_07 37:29

Okay, so Stessica like straightens up when you grab her hand. She's like, uh yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, maybe like uh do you like do you need to like do you need someone to like say with to you for the night, Grandpa? Like, do you need someone in your Oh my god.

SPEAKER_10 37:41

Your room?

SPEAKER_07 37:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_10 37:43

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 37:43

Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_07 37:44

Yes. I can't see, it's difficult.

SPEAKER_08 37:46

Oh. Taking my woman. Okay. While I'm incapacitated. Yeah, we can.

SPEAKER_04 37:53

That's them right now.

SPEAKER_07 37:55

Yeah, we can we can we can bunk together, Grandpa. Ah, perfect. That's fine. Yeah, we can bunk.

SPEAKER_10 38:01

Oh, she said that so seductively. Oh no.

SPEAKER_07 38:04

She got them dreamy eyes, like, I want you tonight. I'll I'll pay for the room.

SPEAKER_10 38:08

Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_07 38:09

And she puts like two pips on the table and slides it across. So the the pirate guy like kind of wobbles over to like Dan and he's like, Yarg, I think that you that lady's trying to fuck her grandpa.

SPEAKER_00 38:23

It's a strange land we hail from. Yar. Don't be worried. It happens a lot more than you ever think. Or from this place called uh, if you will. Strange old place. I haven't come from a win all is new. I assume so. You know how it is. Always chasing the next barnacle.

SPEAKER_07 38:50

How is this yeast infection? Is it getting better?

SPEAKER_00 38:54

I told him got the cream. He's still working on it from what I hear. Is it cream? A mix of leaves. I hear there's a stone out there, you just have to ask. Ask around a little bit. I don't remember where. This one's sleep for free.

SPEAKER_10 39:18

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 39:21

It's appreciated, Samuel leans over to Steska and he's like, I I think that pirate guy wants to fuck him.

SPEAKER_08 39:29

That's amazing. Oh god. Can I just start pitting the pirate guy? Kings of improv, I can't lie.

SPEAKER_04 39:38

Oh, Jacob, that's so good. Who's left? Is it Jeremy, Gail, Ros, and Jack?

SPEAKER_07 39:44

Can I just start pitting the pirate guy? Jeremy's like, uh, I'm gonna I'm I'll bunk, I'll bunk by myself, guys. I'll bunk by myself. And he puts two pips up on the on the table.

SPEAKER_04 39:53

I just start willing to shack up. I'll I'll put one pip toward a room.

SPEAKER_08 39:57

I I just you guys wanna I just start pitting the pirate guy. Yurg.

SPEAKER_04 40:03

I'm gonna save myself some pips.

SPEAKER_08 40:05

York. York.

SPEAKER_04 40:07

How are you today?

SPEAKER_08 40:08

Yer york.

SPEAKER_04 40:09

Gail, are you getting your own?

SPEAKER_10 40:10

Y'all are gonna just leave. Uh I I I don't really. I don't mind.

SPEAKER_04 40:15

You don't mind what?

SPEAKER_10 40:16

Shacking up.

SPEAKER_04 40:17

Oh, okay. Well then I think Roz and Gail are definitely gonna Sound like a CVS door, dude.

SPEAKER_07 40:30

Sorry. Uh okay, so uh Roz and Gail are gonna bunk together, it sounds like. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 40:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 40:39

Okay, one pip from each of you guys' uh character sheets, and then Samuel and uh Stessica and Stessica paid for both of them. And then Dan's getting his own room. Uh Jeremy's getting his own room. Jack, you are by yourself in the lobby. With severe with severe brain damage, what would she like? I just keep painting the firing.

SPEAKER_08 41:01

Just keep going.

SPEAKER_07 41:02

Yark. Um, right. Um I I want come over, come over this way.

SPEAKER_06 41:08

Okay. Yark, come over this way. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 41:11

And he like leads you to like uh the shittiest hotel room, and he's like, I don't really put anybody in this one anymore, but I I don't think you'll mind. And he like kind of puts you in there, sets you down on the bed, which is not very comfy, but it's comfy enough. And also you have not gotten a lot of sleep because the last time you slept was the four hours you slept after the the night with Diamond Crystal. Yeah. So you lay down and your bra your brain is like you're done. So you just fall asleep instantly laying down. So Samuel Sezigo leads you up the stairs. You guys walk into the room. She's like, Oh, I didn't I didn't realize I uh he must have misunderstood. I uh he gave us uh a room with one bed. That's that's kinda weird. I can I can sleep on the floor. Uh you motherfucker.

SPEAKER_04 41:58

That's tea baby.

SPEAKER_02 41:59

I like uh Sam wait, are we like are we like so we're at the room, right?

SPEAKER_07 42:05

Yeah, you're like in the room, but like the door's still open. You know that stage of getting in a hotel room where you're like kind of in and the door's a little open still.

SPEAKER_02 42:11

Yeah. Uh okay. Samuel like takes off his blindfold, you know. He's like, Oh. No, it's it's it's okay. We I think we could both fit on it.

SPEAKER_04 42:18

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 42:19

Heart palpitation. Catherine in real life is like if it if it makes you feel more comfortable, we we can sleep on opposite sides if it make you feel more comfortable. Oh yeah, I mean like yeah, that's yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 42:31

The temperature is rising in this room right now, honey. Amazing. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 42:35

Yeah, okay. Uh yeah, let's yeah. That's for sure, that's fine. How about you uh you you get ready for bed first, I will just set my stuff down.

SPEAKER_04 42:45

Set my stuff down. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 42:48

Yeah, like she's carrying like she got armor and stuff now, so Sam Sammy's kind of uh He's all he's got is like a little leather loincloth, you know, over the he's he's kind of Sam Samuel's kind of a light sleeper.

SPEAKER_07 43:08

Okay, so you go and get ready and you go to your bed, and then Sessica kind of gets ready for a minute, and then she comes out and gets in the bed and is and at first she's like kind of faced away from you, and then at some point she like rolls over and looks at you and she's like, Samuel, I I had I had a question. Anything this is crazy.

SPEAKER_04 43:30

Um I'm kind of loving where this is going.

SPEAKER_08 43:33

Okay, can can I just express that means guessing who were making some hand waves, and then now it's just all gone.

SPEAKER_04 43:41

No, they weren't.

SPEAKER_02 43:42

We were hoping.

SPEAKER_04 43:43

Because Jessica's really had both of her eyes on Samuel.

SPEAKER_02 43:47

Scammer gets scammed. Samuel leans into Jack. Jack, this is really embarrassing for you that you're even trying.

SPEAKER_07 43:56

Samuel rolls over in bed and Jack's laying behind.

SPEAKER_06 44:00

Oh fuck! There was a there was a time when, you know, you were dating Jessica and I was I was dating Jake and like but there was like a night where like it was not going good for either one of us and like you know I mean like Jake and I are still technically like married but like I don't know he told me like basically I got a raise and like he said that I I'm getting paid more than him now and that was a huge problem for him I guess he was super weird about it and then like told me to either like quit my job or it was over.

SPEAKER_07 44:33

Jake sucks.

SPEAKER_02 44:34

Samuel's gonna put his finger over her mouth. No way Okay I don't mind a bread winning queen.

SPEAKER_07 44:43

Oh heavy handed. I feel like she just like she was a white mouse dude, she's a red mouse now, dude. Oh my god She's just blushing, she's like, uh um she just leans in, she kisses you, dude.

SPEAKER_10 44:59

No! How much tongue though? How much tongue though?

SPEAKER_08 45:04

He poised he pulls the loincloth over a little bit.

SPEAKER_07 45:10

It's a little bit hard and difficult because you guys are super hard, super difficult. You know, you're in new bodies, so you've never made out, but it like upon doing this, both both people involved, their hearts are exploding with passion, I assume. I don't know, actually, I won't speak for your character, but Stasica's like Oh my god. Okay, uh for the context for the audience Jacob just stood and demonstrated what was going on. That's I'll leave it to imagination after that, dude. Oh you do it again, I missed it.

SPEAKER_01 45:40

Do it again.

SPEAKER_09 45:44

That was for D. Oh god. That was great, thank you.

SPEAKER_07 45:48

Yeah, I will zoom out the window and stuff and then fade into where Gail and Roz have just walked into their hotel room.

SPEAKER_10 45:56

You're furiously making out already.

SPEAKER_07 46:01

Gail and Roz. You guys walk into the room and uh it smells a little bit like tuna in there. Um but yeah, there's there's two beds in this one. Yeah, because you you aren't setting this up like you were those two.

SPEAKER_03 46:16

There's two beds.

SPEAKER_07 46:17

I mean, the beds are big enough for cuddling if you wanted to, but just a little bit. Slip a little tongue.

SPEAKER_10 46:23

I'd I'd say that Gail is is very reserved right now and kinda nervous acting.

SPEAKER_04 46:28

Roz is gonna hopefully I think she picks up on that a little bit.

SPEAKER_10 46:32

For sure.

SPEAKER_04 46:33

And Roz is gonna be like, You okay, Gail? Is there I mean, I don't think I can do anything about the smell, but is there anything I can do for you? Make you more comfortable in here? You can go see if they got water up at the front desk or whatever in the lobby.

SPEAKER_10 46:48

Uh no, no, it's fine. That's okay. I'm just a little rattled from earlier.

SPEAKER_04 46:55

Yeah, that I I totally get that. When um yeah, I haven't really been the same since since uh since the theater myself, so I get that. It's alright. We can just I mean I'm here to talk if you want to talk tonight, or you know, we can just go to sleep. I'll probably be awake for a little bit. I have a hard time sleeping sometimes.

SPEAKER_10 47:17

Me too. I have a hard time sleeping too.

SPEAKER_04 47:22

So I mean we can just uh you know do the girl dog if you want. I don't know. If you want, I'm here. It's it's no big deal other otherwise.

SPEAKER_10 47:33

I I saw your memories too. You saw my memories too? When you went down into the theater, I I made contact with you and I saw what you saw. And I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want it to be awkward.

SPEAKER_04 47:48

Oh no, I mean that's okay. I I don't mind talking about it. It it's kind of fresh, but it what happened is what happened. So I mean, I guess in that way we're the same. I mean, we've kind of both peered into each other's memory a little bit.

SPEAKER_10 48:06

Even at just the hint of of like, we're the same, Gail's face falls just crestfallen. Uh and she'll say, We're not the same at all. I'm not here for the same reasons that you are.

SPEAKER_04 48:20

I don't really know why I'm here, so I guess you might be right about that.

SPEAKER_10 48:25

I mean, I hope I'm not asking too much, but what happened between you and your boyfriend?

SPEAKER_04 48:31

Uh yeah, yeah, he was my boyfriend. Um I guess it's hard to put a finger on it. I think that it just uh I don't know. Uh he got bored of me or something. Really not not more to it than that, unfortunately. Well I mean, if you don't mind me, I don't want to pry what happened with you and your partner.

SPEAKER_10 48:54

Gail's got like a solemn look.

SPEAKER_04 48:57

We don't have to talk about it, Gail. It's it's no problem. I mean, we can talk about it any other time.

SPEAKER_10 49:02

I yeah. I'm sorry. I just I just it's been a while, but it's still fresh.

SPEAKER_04 49:07

Yeah, no, that's okay. Totally understandable. Um everything in your time that we don't have to do. We don't have to talk about anything.

SPEAKER_10 49:15

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 49:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 49:17

I I want you to know that I'm sorry for earlier. I was that was a painful memory. I d I got stuck in and I didn't mean to lash out on you.

SPEAKER_04 49:28

No, no, totally understandable. I I I know what it feels like to um it's so disorienting. I I'm still kinda, you know, reliving it over and over. But no, no hard feelings at all.

SPEAKER_10 49:43

I I I'm here for you if you need anything.

SPEAKER_04 49:46

Thanks, Gail. Same same to you. I'm I'm always here if you need anything. And then Roz, in order to like kind of break break the tension a little bit. Sorry. Um to break the tension, Roz. Take a set of gifts.

SPEAKER_10 50:04

Can we attach the gif to the Patreon?

SPEAKER_07 50:07

I don't know, but if I can, I will. It's just a gif of Plankton licking his fucking capsules with like a realistic rotoscope mouth.

SPEAKER_10 50:17

Oh my god. Right, Catherine.

SPEAKER_04 50:21

Raz is just gonna to break the tension between her and Kail is gonna be like, so uh Samuel and Jessica sharing a room, am I right? Isn't that kind of weird?

SPEAKER_10 50:32

I d I didn't expect that at all.

SPEAKER_04 50:34

Me either, to be honest.

SPEAKER_10 50:35

I feel like he was so heavy-handed and like He's been kind of, you know, laying down the moves a little bit. But not just on her.

SPEAKER_04 50:42

I know. He's been going after you.

SPEAKER_10 50:45

No. Not that I'm I'm not I don't swing that way or anything.

SPEAKER_02 50:49

I'm sorry when an alpha barked.

SPEAKER_04 50:54

And it said Jack in the cook chair in the corner of Samuel's room. That's my bad, bro.

SPEAKER_10 51:01

My bad, little bro. She's busy right now.

SPEAKER_05 51:05

She's busy. I'm not that she's busy. Oh no. Oh, my abs hurt.

SPEAKER_01 51:11

My heart hurts.

SPEAKER_07 51:13

Jack, you get put in that room, right? That's kind of shitty, but like, okay. And you don't actually fall asleep right away. I said that earlier. I remembered something. As you are like fading in and out of consciousness from head trauma and also, you know, being a little high, like there's just a lot going on for Jack. In the rafters of the ceiling, right before you fade away to sleep, you see Goop in a few seconds. And he is pinned in between two of the rafters up above in the ceiling, and he's smiling big at you. And you fall asleep. D, you walk into your hotel room, and once again the bathroom light is on. Anand is, even though she seems to have a flawless skin on her face, she is picking at her skin in the mirror, and she like just looks over at you and she's like, I saw you were looking into me today. The library. Yeah. What do you want to know?

SPEAKER_01 52:26

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_09 52:28

Fuck, you caught me at the worst time. Fuck. Anand, I would love to have this conversation, but unfortunately I might have hit Sonny's stuff a little too hard, and I have none of the brain capacity to even conjure the thought of a question.

SPEAKER_06 52:43

Um I can help with that. Come here. No, my high though. Oh, pipe's still there.

SPEAKER_07 52:48

Oh, I got fine. Alright. Alright, help me out. So you walk up to her and she she reaches around, grabs kind of the top of the back of your head, and then brushes around under your chin, around the back of your head. Uh, and you feel the high kind of lift. Ah, okay. And she's like, ask me anything you want to. I'll tell you.

SPEAKER_04 53:06

Why is this the horniest episode we've ever had?

SPEAKER_02 53:10

I'm so hard, dude.

SPEAKER_09 53:13

Who's who do you side with in the war? Do you care about the critters, the humans, the sunny, the morgoth?

SPEAKER_06 53:23

I am rather impartial to the war. I do what's best for Crowkind and Crowkind only. If if Morgoth serves crows better, then I side. Morgoth, if Appledale serves crows better, then I side. But normally neither one of them is doing great across the board.

SPEAKER_09 53:44

I was gonna say, it seems like both are kind of struggling, no? Um not a fan of either one. I'm gonna be honest, neither do I. What do you know about the king? Because apparently there's something going on with him that I'm unaware of.

SPEAKER_07 53:56

She reaches to her neck with two fingers, and as she pulls her fingers away, you see a spectral chain and a brace appear around her neck. Some question. A very good question. But someone, and she yanks at the chain, has prevented me from being able to share all the information. That chain disappears when she lets go of it. I can't answer that.

SPEAKER_09 54:23

Who needs to die so we can release that chain so I can get more answers?

SPEAKER_02 54:30

D's like, let's cut to the chase, baby girl. What do I gotta do?

SPEAKER_07 54:35

I need answers. She says, if you kill whoever made this chain happen, then you will have all the answers you could have ever needed about this situation.

SPEAKER_09 54:46

Okay. Would you say he's a foxy fellow? Can you like edit in like the walls like power level?

SPEAKER_01 54:54

Oh my god!

SPEAKER_02 54:57

Like a like a headboard slap.

SPEAKER_07 54:59

She just looks at you and says, Look into what Jack found. Okay. That's all I'll say.

SPEAKER_06 55:06

But uh you are looking for books about me. You're not gonna ask about any questions about me. You wanna know about the king? Everyone wants to know about the war and the king.

SPEAKER_09 55:13

Oh, I don't I don't I don't give a shit about the war. That's got nothing to do with me. Well, what do you care about? Uh I only care about myself and fixing what needs to be fixed and forgetting what needs to be forgotten.

SPEAKER_06 55:27

Well, what needs to be fixed?

SPEAKER_09 55:29

Once we break that chain, how about we both answer certain questions, huh? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 55:35

Dude, my nipples are hard, dude. She just smirks at you and goes, good idea. She reaches for your face and does a reverse of the motion she did before, and she's like, I'll give you a high. That's better than the one you had. And then you get an insane high, and then she goes, You should tell them at the library to add that to the list of my powers.

SPEAKER_09 56:00

Yes, ma'am.

SPEAKER_07 56:02

Snaps her fingers and then she disappears into feathers. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_09 56:06

Dan would just stumble over to the bed and just fall over, having the best high of his life. Uh, I'm about to murder for that woman.

SPEAKER_07 56:15

Hey, Jacob, I have a legit question to ask you. Does Samuel get any sleep tonight?

SPEAKER_02 56:21

Uh does Tessica? I'm willing to say no.

SPEAKER_01 56:29

No.

SPEAKER_07 56:30

Alright, cool. You will gain no benefits of rest then. Uh, and you will not level up tonight. We leveled up alright. I'm good.

SPEAKER_04 56:42

So you guys aren't gonna roleplay that, huh? Not even a little bit. Maybe on the Patreon.

SPEAKER_07 56:48

Paywall. That's a paywall. That's a paywall type shit.

SPEAKER_04 56:52

You're not getting this for free.

SPEAKER_07 56:54

So wait, are Gail and Rod sleeping in the same bed or not? There were two beds in the room. That's up to you.

SPEAKER_10 56:58

Did we slumby party so hard that we fell asleep on the same bed?

SPEAKER_04 57:02

I would say yeah. I would say fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_10 57:05

That sounds right to me.

SPEAKER_04 57:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 57:06

Okay. That's that is roll for cuddling.

SPEAKER_09 57:10

That sounds like real girlfriend shit to me, big dog. Oh god.

SPEAKER_04 57:13

Period.

SPEAKER_07 57:14

Okay. Uh all right. Everybody, anyone who's taking damage can increase your HP back to full. Samuel and Stessica, do not roll for that. Jack, would you roll me a D4? No, the fuck we don't. Would you roll me a D4, Candon? Yes, I can. A four. Do I reset my will stat, John? Sorry, right. D, roll a D6 as well. I mean, sorry, roll a D4 and then add that to your uh will. The sun rises on a new day. A brand new day. A Spider-Man brand new day. You currently have three days until the ball is held in your honor at the King's Palace. What would you guys like to do with your morning?

SPEAKER_08 57:59

Uh walk out to look see if there's like a shower.

SPEAKER_07 58:02

Yeah, you wake up and you see there's a little like shitty bathroom, and your head still hurts a little bit, Jack, but you do feel better. Um, and you uh walk over, and yeah, there's a uh a like jerry-rigged little uh shower, it appears. There's like some kind of deal up on the ceiling that's got like runes on it and shit. I d then I'd I I'd hop in. Okay, you hop in, the rune glows, and water sprays down on you, and you take a very high-pressured shower that's that feels good. What is everyone else doing?

SPEAKER_10 58:35

Raz's gonna hit the old We We have to we have to answer the question though, because there's absolutely no way that Gail would have fallen asleep in the same bed and not cuddled. So who got big spoon and who got little spoon?

SPEAKER_07 58:46

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_10 58:47

That's what we gotta answer.

SPEAKER_07 58:48

Roll a dice. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, roll for it. Yeah, both of you guys roll a d20, and whoever gets the bigger number is the bigger spoon. They match, like powers. That means we're face-to-face holding two power switches. I got nine. A three.

SPEAKER_04 59:01

I guess Gail's the Ross little spooned all night.

SPEAKER_07 59:04

Yeah. Alright. So you guys wake up cuddling. Who wakes up first? Is it you? Whoever's a light sleeper, I guess. The bigger spoon always wakes up first. Oh, oh. That's just in my experience. As a big spoon, he's not rocking. Yeah, as a big spoon, yes.

SPEAKER_10 59:19

Alright, Gail wakes up first. I wouldn't say that Gail gets up right away. She'll just close her eyes again.

SPEAKER_02 59:24

Oh, she's one of them.

SPEAKER_10 59:25

She's she's like, this is nice. She this is nice.

SPEAKER_02 59:27

A fake sleep for another 10 minutes, huh? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 59:32

I think Roz would probably do the same. Like, she'd wake up and kind of like she'd feel Gail's body and arm around her, and she'd be like, kind of looking around, but then like shrug and put her head back down.

SPEAKER_09 59:42

Give her a little peck on the cheek. You're right there.

SPEAKER_10 59:44

Why shouldn't we have a little fun?

SPEAKER_04 59:45

A little one of those, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 59:47

Jacob. Uh Samuel, you are very tired laying on the bed, but yet you feel more energy than you've had in a long time.

SPEAKER_02 59:53

Yeah, I f I feel reinvigorated. I'm on top of the world.

SPEAKER_07 59:57

Stessica walks out of the bathroom. She is just kind of taking a taking a shower. Um, do we talk about this with everybody, or we probably want to keep it kind of a secret? I don't know how people would be doing with this.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:09

I mean, we could just naturally let it, you know, kind of kind of run its course if, you know. If they know, they know. If they don't, they don't have to.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:16

Yeah, right. And then like, but like, what if so like if we get if we get back though, like, I I mean, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna leave Jake, I think. I think I'm I'm gonna leave Jake for real this time. Like, I'm gonna do it, I think.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:31

I think that's brave of you. I don't think he deserves you anyways.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:33

She is red mouse again. I don't think he could I don't think I don't think he could take care of you like I could take care of you. Oh, he's getting serious. With with the way things went last night, I think you're right about that.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:45

He didn't even make a role performance, you asshole.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:47

That's true. Dude, if it's role-playing and it's going well, I'm just gonna let him- I'm gonna let it ride. You guys can't stunt Samuel's game. We literally talked about the beginning of the episode. His dick is like 11 miles long. Yeah. Sorry, honey, did I pleasure you too much? About what time is everybody kind of getting down? Like, what are you guys doing? Like, with your morning? Are you going down to sure? What time are you guys going to the cafe area?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:16

I feel like Samuel and Stesska are gonna shower, and then after that, they're gonna, you know, they're gonna be dressed and they're gonna start heading that way.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:22

They're gonna shower together. Cute.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:24

Around 17.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:29

They won't wake up around the sun coming up. Somewhere before 10.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:32

Yeah, Roz doesn't um Roz doesn't get up until Gail gets up, deadass.

unknown 1:01:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:38

Would Gail be able to like hear everybody else getting up? Sure.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:40

Yeah. You guys can hear some movement downstairs.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:43

Whenever I'm on a trip, I'm always staying asleep until I can hear everybody else getting up. Then I'm like, alright, alright, now I'll get up.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:48

Alright, sure. Yeah, it sounds like everybody else is getting up around seven, but I it doesn't sound like you guys are getting up at seven.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:54

I damn get up at around, you know, like the very beginning, or whenever the sun's coming up, and have probably the best feeling shower because he's still tweaking just a little bit. He's still tweaking. His high is not fully coming down, and he doesn't think it's coming down anytime soon. Uh and then go downstairs and eat damn near everything that's put out. Uh he's gobbling it all.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:14

For every plate you consume, remove one pip from your inventory, is what I will say. I'll say he eats like ten plates. Oh my god, okay. Hungry boy.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:24

He got that shit, dude. When I get down there, I see that everything's gone, and I'm just like, and I make a face. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:31

Use yeah, go uh roll a d6 for me to see how you use your feast.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:36

And I'm I'm still a little groggy, so I d I come down like rubbing my six. A six?

SPEAKER_07 1:02:43

Yeah. Can you go ahead and roll me another D6, please? A four. You use your magic and it hurts your head really bad. It's just not my episode, man. The magic like bites back. It literally feels like electricity zaps your brain, but you do create your feast, and uh with that feast comes a few things. Create a delicious feast that feeds up to eight and gives all who eat it one d4 temp HP. Everybody who eats the feast will get to add one d4 to their temporary HP. A one D4 to add or subtract to any roll in the next 24 hours that you roll. Jack, you get the the you get those benefits. So you will gain roll the D4 and then let me know what you got. Not bad. You have a HP of eight right now. Okay. So you eat your food and it helps your head quite a bit, actually. Sick. For those of you who have made it down so far, it's about like eight in the morning. Jack, out of the room you slept in, you see it get kicked open. You see the door get kicked open, and out jumps Rex. What's up, name? He's wearing armor. The front of his armor and the chest plate, there is like a kind of like a crack, a big open area on it, as if he was struck. He's like, hey guys, guess what? I quit my job. What? Yay! Good job, buddy. I quit my job. I'm no longer a guard. I'm here. I heard you guys got some pips, and you guys said that you were interested in hiring me as a hireling, so I went and I found you. And now I'm here. Oh god. So who's paying me? Did you sleep with Jack last night? No, I just was that the room that Jack was in.

SPEAKER_09 1:04:11

I believe so.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:12

No, I wasn't in there when he was in there. So that's what that is. Did you just come through the window? I mean, kinda, yeah, I guess. I guess I did that, yeah. Why didn't you come through the front door, man? I didn't didn't think about it.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:24

You know what?

SPEAKER_09 1:04:24

Fuck it. We love the entrance, Rex.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:26

Yeah, so if you guys wanted to hire me, then that would be cool with me if you wanted to.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:30

I d I I hand him the PFs. I'm like, there you go. Uh Jack, you did spend all your money shopping. You haven't gotten any back yet. Oh. I can accept pain a little bit anyways. I haven't even worked a full day yet. You know, work a shift after you've been paid. Alright. You guys just tell me what to do and I'm doing it. I guess follow us for now. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. And then he calls over the waiter, and the waiter comes over and he goes, Bring me meat. As much as you can. Whoa. Pause. I got you. And then the waiter's like, right away, sir, I'll go get that for you. And he goes and he brings him meat, and you see Rex absolutely fucking devour this food. Like, it's kind of gross, like open-mouth chewing, just Well, Rex, we're gonna teach you some manners. Oh, I'm very familiar with manners. This guy knows what I'm talking about, and he points at Jack. Really?

SPEAKER_09 1:05:22

Oh yeah. Uh, but we're gonna teach you how to not be disgusting when you eat. At least not disgusting to Hysterans. Right. Yes, of course.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:30

By the t by the time Roz makes it down to um the feast that Jack's put out, she's definitely gonna sample. Okay. She's gonna sample from the lunch. Okay, yeah, absolutely. But she is gonna call the waiter over for a drink.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:44

Yurg, what can I get you started with this morning?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:46

Yeah, um.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:47

What do you got on the menu? Oh, we got all kinds of fishy things.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:51

Fishy things? Yes. Alright. Um look, all I'm really looking for is a vitamin C shanty if you got it. God damn it. The vitamin C shanty.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:03

God damn it. That's so good. I'm so mad at you for how good that is.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:09

I'm gonna need one.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:10

She's too creative. Jurg. I got some really good shit. I got a monster mixed with vodka. I call that shit the poop deck. Oh and then Jurg, I got I got uh I got orange cooler water. You know the classic, you're on a fishing boat and you drink water out of an orange cooler.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:29

It's good shit. Um and then I got uh this thing I call uh hook line and shhincter.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:38

Jurg, it also makes you fucking shit. But damn it, it's good.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:42

I'm gonna be honest, I'm I'm not really interested in any of that. Those all sound terrible, especially the poop deck one. You didn't even hear it at all.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:49

Not the hook line and sphincter.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:51

I don't know. You gotta you gotta like a like a walk the plank one. That one literally makes you shit.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:59

D is so fucking high right now.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:01

I would love a walk the plank drink right now. Walk the plank drink?

SPEAKER_06 1:07:06

Yeah, of course we've got the the walk the plank drink. Uh let me go and grab that for you.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:11

You know, on Terra I hear they call this shit uh uh a Shirley Temple. Don't know why. He gives it to you.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:19

Thank you, sir. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:20

You're welcome. It's red because of the blood in the water after you walk the plank and the sharks get at you.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:26

Yeah, that makes perfect sense to me.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:28

Anyways, y'all let me know if you need anything. This is the guy we let D have tension with.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:33

Like we were supposed to stop him. Look at what they've done. That's true, love.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:37

At this point, everybody is down, and it's been a while, and you realize that Jeremy has not joined the table.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:41

Oh, I'll go look in his room and check on him.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:44

So you walk up to his room, uh, you knock on the door, and then you see like the door open, and at first you're like looking up, and then you like look all the way down to see him, and he's like got crazy like bed hair on one side of his face. Normally it's like poofy, but it's like flat fur on that side of his face, and he's like, Oh, sorry.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:01

What what's up? What's up, man? What's up, Dan? You okay? Yeah, dude, I I'm I'm fine.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:06

I just I did some reading through the night.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:08

I didn't quite get to finish up what I was looking at in the library. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:12

Uh oh. What? There's breakfast downstairs. What were you looking at at the library?

SPEAKER_07 1:08:16

Oh, I I checked out a book. Yeah, it's on uh I looked for a book about like the process of the trinkets and all the stuff like that, and like why we're all having seizures and whatnot.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:25

I think I might have some answers. I don't know. Oh, okay. Let's go downstairs. Let's go downstairs and get some Are you good, dude?

SPEAKER_07 1:08:32

It seems like that high is still kicking in. Why are your eyes blue now instead of instead of red? That's not normal.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:37

I got some of that goddess shit. Don't worry, I'll share it with you if I remember next time. Let's go get some food and you say you're out of cash.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:46

Wow, okay, yeah. I need to get some of that shit just based on how you're doing, but uh okay, yeah, I'll go on down there. So you guys are all now at the table. Uh Jeremy brings down his little book and he participates in uh Jack's feast. Uh Jack, what is like the most soul food feast for Jack? Like, what does it look like?

SPEAKER_08 1:09:04

Fat back, dirty rice, some good uh fried okra, fried shrimp with Cajun seasoning on it, some crab legs. Boom.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:13

Crab legs, also there's like only two crab legs because they're ginormous. Across the room, you just see the pirate guy like just staring and being like, Yerg, I thought I did seafood better than anyone. I I need to step up my game. I and he goes back in the kitchen. Uh okay, so you guys are all at breakfast.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:31

I look over at Staysica, who's blushing, and I'm just like, Hey, what's up with you?

SPEAKER_07 1:09:38

Oh, um, nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing's up with me. Why? Why would something be up with me? You look uh flush.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:45

She's got that glow.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:46

Yeah, she's got that glow. You're accused that sex on the beach you ordered. And she's like, what? No, the sex on the beach? No, not me. Not anywhere, really.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:57

Can Samuel sit down next to Stessica with his blindfold?

SPEAKER_07 1:10:00

I I need you to feed me. I can't see. Ah, okay, yeah, I can I can feed you.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:07

You know the 22 jump street thing where it's like he looks over at her and looks over at you and then it just it goes ding and I I go, wow, great, great for y'all. Great, great for y'all. Salty.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:20

What what I mean, I don't know what you're talking about. I me personally, I don't know what you're talking, what you could be employing.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:26

I dab Samuel up. Samuel goes to debt, but he misses the hand because he's wearing a blindfold. So he just kind of he just kind of swings his arm in the air.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:34

He's facing the wrong way.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:36

Yeah, I'm like, that'll work.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:38

So well, where are we going today, guys? I mean, Roz is enjoying the peg like the Meg and her um and the drink that she ordered, which she's forgetting now.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:46

Should we like go up to one of the rooms and look into the thing that Jack said about that he had?

SPEAKER_04 1:10:52

Oh. Yeah, actually, that's a fantastic idea.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:55

And then Rex goes, What what? What does he have? Follow me.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:58

Well, Rex, we can't talk about it right here, but perhaps maybe upstairs in some privacy we could. I mean, Gail and my room has two beds. Don't worry about them, one of them being perfectly made. Um, just legend.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:13

And then Stessica coughs on her drink. You guys, oh really, there's there's rooms here with two beds? I didn't know, I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:20

Ah, what if Gail would kick at Raz's leg when she does that because they're sitting next to each other, obviously.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:26

Maybe just stay out of our room. Maybe don't go in there. Maybe just burn that room down. That funk was there when I got there.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:39

It's like a layered thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:42

Gross.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:44

Anyways. Do we head there after breakfast, guys? What what do we say?

SPEAKER_10 1:11:49

Maybe Rex, I don't know, like, could you run like an errand for us since we're paying you? Oh yeah, I know. I'm here to serve. What can I do for you? I just don't think we we don't have enough rations for everybody if we're gonna go on any form of trip. I've been meaning to get around to it, but I never did. Do you think you could go run and get some for us?

SPEAKER_06 1:12:06

Oh, yes, of course. I can absolutely go do that for you.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:08

Good thinking, Gail.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:10

Like, right, right now. Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, so let me go, let me go, of course. And he like is walking out, but he's like looking back at Jack as he's walking out. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And then he steps outside.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:21

Well, some weird jacket right.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:25

And then he comes back in, he's like, Can I have some money for this? Like, to pay for rations? I kind of forgot about that. Jeremy's got him. Jeremy, puff it up. And then Jeremy's like, yeah, that's actually fair. I have so much money from freaking Diamond Crystal's house. Let me just Okay, awesome. He has 80 pips left now. So he gives 20 pips for him to go spend it. And then Rex leaves again, doing the exact same thing as before. Okay. And you guys go up to the room, and you're in the room, and there's one bed that's perfectly made and one bed that's messy.

SPEAKER_10 1:12:52

Scratching the back of my head a little. And I'm I'm gonna close I'm gonna close the door behind everybody. What happened in here?

SPEAKER_04 1:12:59

Jack, do you do you have the M A P Yes I D D-O.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:07

There's a reason I got rid of Rex, okay? I just I'm just thinking outside the box here. Maybe we shouldn't trust him with this super anti-government stuff. Because he works he worked for the government just a little bit ago.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:23

I feel like he would have been fine.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:25

He's do he he worked for the government too soon. And I just I don't want to jump to trusting him if we're getting into some seriously deep waters with going against royalty right now.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:36

Yeah, no, that makes sense to me.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:37

Okay, about that map.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:39

I pull it out so that double end slightly. So you pull it out of your shirt, which is where it was. Which is where it was. Alright. I am going to read you guys a summary of the map. This is for our audio listeners. I will make a physical map where you can like observe it later, but I'm I wrote a description of all of the security protocols. Basically, what the librarian said was that there's one room that is not documented really. It's a secret room, and everyone that went to try out of their way to try to steal this map and get it said that whatever the king is hiding is probably hidden behind that secret room. The gang's palace is built with the iron hardwood inside of a magical birch tree. And it's among a bunch of other birch trees right next to it as well. It's like in this birch tree area of Pine Hill. Its security works in layers. Security level one, which includes the lobby ballroom and bathrooms. There are only two known ways to get into this area from the outside. The main entrance, which requires you to go through a security checkpoint where all your weapons and physical spell tablets are removed from your person, or two small vents in either bathroom with an entrance at the roof. These vents are protected by two patrolling guards checked up on via via ascending stone every 15 minutes, and an alarm spell that will sound a silent alarm if the vent cover is removed without a security badge stone. Which most security guards will have a security badge stone. Security level two includes the security barracks, security control room, kitchen, laundry room, servant quarters, and the king's halls. A servant badge stone can access the King's Hall's kitchen, laundry room, and servants' quarters, but no security areas. A security badge stone can open all these doors, but not any beyond the security level. A king's crest can open all of these doors and some at the next security level, but they are important items that will be noticed missing much quicker than the other badges. A loss of one would likely cause a lockdown protocol to begin. Of the guests present at this party, the following will have King's crests. The king himself, headard, captain the captain of the guard that you guys have run into, and the general of war. There are two entrances into this security area from the outside. Both of them are pretty dangerous. A pipe flowing water into the palace systems before heading back out into the river at its end. There is a magic filter that will shred anything but water passing through it, but there is a control that can turn off the shredder in the kitchen and in the security control room. There's a way in also through the chimney about 60 feet up at the top of the tree. The chimney is scalding hot. You would need some kind of special armor or magical property to be able to survive the tr like traveling through the chimney, but it would provide access to a door leading to both the king's halls, or deeper down the kitchen, or deeper down even that. Into security level three, you would be able to reach a vent that would dump you out in the war room. Speaking of security level three, each door of security level three can be accessed in the king's halls. So it's more of individual rooms more than uh another larger area all connected. These are individual rooms with their own different securities. This level includes the king's quarters, the war room, and the secret door. It is likely that behind this door is a device that can track human trinkets. So the things that you all need to be able to go home. To be able to get in, you need a key and a passcode that is two words. The first word being six letters long, and the second word being seven letters long. The answer to this code is likely somewhere in the king's quarters. To enter the king's quarters, you must first pass through a trapped hallway containing three traps. To deactivate these traps, you need a lock of the king's fur, like a little lock of the king's fur, or uh the door into the king's quarters can be opened with a four-digit passcode, which is likely found in the war room. The war room can be entered through either the vent that I spoke about earlier that is connected to the chimney, or with a king's crest.

SPEAKER_10 1:17:38

Can you mail me a handwritten and drawn map where you like dipped it in coffee and dried it and burned the edges so it looks really authentic?

SPEAKER_04 1:17:47

Oh yeah, so it looks authentic.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:49

Oh yeah, let me just do that.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:50

If you uh if you make one for Isaiah, though, I am gonna request one in the mail to you.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:55

And mail it to all of us. This is a if you give a mouse a cookie type moment.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:00

Yeah. So this is.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:02

I will do crazy map.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:05

So I'm gonna need to study this document, I'm gonna be honest.

SPEAKER_08 1:18:08

Hey guys, it looks like we have an ocean 69.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:49

Catherine Bivens is Roz, Isaiah Nyman is Gail, and me, Jonathan Ransom, as your DM and audio editor. This podcast would not exist without the inspiration of real play podcasts that came before, such as Dungeons and Daddies, Critical Role, Adventure Zone, and Dungeons and Daddies again, because I'm the biggest D and Dads glazer you will find. The show's so good. Thank you guys so much for listening, and we will see you guys in the next episode. Bye-bye. Shut up. I'm I'm just just now finding out that Jacob and Candon are sauceless. Oh, I didn't know that. I wasn't listening to you guys. Porked up white boys without the sauce, mind you. That was, yeah, that was not on my fucking bingo card for this year.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:50

You know what else they are? Dry beaters?

SPEAKER_07 1:19:52

Yeah. There are no sauce in all the ways that it makes it. There's a lot of bigotry going on right now. In their dry beating ways.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:04

Oh, fuck me. Sorry. I gotta rip my inhaler real quick.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:11

Uh the um the what would that be called? A rain thing that I think from protecting protect rain from edge of shop. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:20

Oh, like uh I think it's like uh canopy. Or uh or a sunset or retractable awning.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:26

Yeah, a retract like an awning. Yeah, that's exactly it. Thank you.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:34

Quit in the canopy.

SPEAKER_09 1:20:36

Did you see those that titties or coffee I'd like to just make out already?

SPEAKER_10 1:20:50

I'd like to briefly point out for the people who are on this call to look at the general chat and see what's what Jacob is sending. God, because I can't keep my composure.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:03

John, I will I will apologize. I was messaging you personally and I thought it was the group chat full time.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:09

Oh my god, and D's making it worse.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:12

I'm afraid to look at the group chat now. I'm just gonna read this uh Jacob said in the group chat, greater question. Should Samuel move the loin glove to the side?

SPEAKER_08 1:21:27

I told you to do that. I I literally was like, he moves it to the side a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:32

Yeah, Candon did say that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:21:34

He gotta move it to the side.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:36

Oh my god. Before you before you said, I love him, uh donating queen.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:45

Okay, uh Catherine and Gail continue. I mean, Roz and Gail continue. Top it up with a cut water.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:56

D in the chat is fucking killed.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:59

I am afraid to look. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:02

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:04

I wanted Rex. Fuck, Jake said. Catherine said. Pirate booty. Uh Jacob said. They about to fuck. Catherine said. Hard. I'm still hard, Jacob said. Uh Jack jorked it hard. Jack said, I mean, Candace said, sexually. He adds. Sextually as if it wasn't. I'm gonna stop.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:45

This is too much. No, read read the last one. Read read read what Jack said.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:50

Read what D said.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:52

Read it real close.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:55

Easy white chocolate. I wouldn't watch it.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:57

Samuel. Samuel. Samuel is dipping in that white chocolate.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:05

No, read the read the thing underneath it, John.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:08

Jacob sent a gif of Terry Cruz uh bold in front of camera. Uh easy white chocolate. Wouldn't want you to melt. You gotta say what you gotta say. Easy white chocolate. Easy white chocolate.

SPEAKER_10 1:23:24

Easy white chocolate. It's so important to me that you people know that that is a thing that my girlfriend says to me like on a daily basis.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:31

Easy white chocolate. That's awesome. I'm very happy for you.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:38

I was really afraid that GIF was gonna be in there. I was like, I was in the mainframe. I was like, please. Got me all bricked up, and I gotta go to snack.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:54

Also, Jacob, you're take you're taking my spot as funniest guy in the group. I would like I would like a chance to get my spot back.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:06

I'm going alpha horny now.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:07

Not me and pretty sure that he's actually taking my spot as funniest guy in the group.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:13

I kind of think I'm gonna But me and you need to go, me and you need to have a joke off for real.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:19

A jack off? A choke off? I could do that.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:23

A jack off. Delirious.