Episode 18- NOT Lying By The Fire

After fleeing the city to regroup, the gang takes the night to recoup. But their rest is interrupted by an unexpected visitor... 

This episode contains: Violence, Sexual Content, Profanity, Reference to Drug/Alcohol Use, and it does not contain a 40 minute stealth scene that we retconned because it was boring. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Caverns and Critters is a podcast about little guys made for big guys, as in adults. Content warnings can be found in the episode description.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

That tells the group that's the group of a story of a tub, but um oh god. Welcome to Caverns and Critters, a Mouse Ritter Real Play podcast that tells the group God damn it. Tells the story of a group of recently heartbroken and newly single young adults finding themselves cast into another dimension where they've been turned into little critters. Critter report, critter report. Does anyone puppies mention?

SPEAKER_05 1:03

Puppies mentioned. Are doing great. There's puppies out there outside of Kenzie's house, and they are doing great, and they are very cute.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

What size are they now?

SPEAKER_05 1:12

They are like they're really fat, but they're like the size of a chicken noodle can. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 1:19

Alright. My critter report is this morning I was bumbling around out of bed. The lights were still off, and I was like, ugh, ugh, as I do in the mornings. And I saw a little thing on the ground, and my brain was like, What kinda is that a fucking rock? And as I do with all rocks in my house, I kinda kicked it a little bit. And then it started crawling. As it would turn out, I kicked one of our resident free-range jumping spiders. He was okay though. He was just kind of like, what the fuck, dude? You could have hurt him. Uh so I picked him up and I keep putting him over by the plants, and he keeps going to the same place. So I think I've been greatly delaying his his travels, so I feel bad about that.

SPEAKER_04 1:58

Leave him alone.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

But I picked him up with a piece of paper towel and I I put him in the office instead of in the the living room by the plants this time. So hopefully he likes that better.

SPEAKER_08 2:06

Does anyone else have a critter report? A spider broke into my post office and it nearly made me cry because I hate spiders. What did he say? He was being very mean. He was calling me slurs. I could tell. I could tell the way he was standing on my little bathroom sign that I have to use so I don't get in trouble.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

Dude, you got a bathroom sign?

SPEAKER_08 2:22

Yeah, I got in trouble one time for being in the bathroom and a customer didn't know, so now I have to put up a sign and be like, hey, I'm in the fucking bathroom.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

Give me a minute. Dude, I swear customers have a fucking radar for when I'm trying to shit. It's like clockwork, dude. Every single time.

SPEAKER_04 2:36

Um at work, yesterday, I believe, there was a spider, and I was walking by to take out the trash, and my coworkers were all like, Ah, it's a spider, kill it. And I was like, No, don't kill it. And they they killed it right in front of me, and I dropped to my knees. If any of you guys have seen Attack on Titan, when Armin drops his knees on that rooftop and he's like, just like that.

SPEAKER_03 3:00

It was like it was sad. Genuine tears brought to my eyes. Poor little guy. He wasn't even racist and he and he still dies. Spoilers, dude. D spider was racist. He deserved whatever happened. Did you kill him, D?

SPEAKER_08 3:12

Uh, I did not. One of my regulars came in and I asked her to do it. So she I let her into the back of the office and she killed it for me. She like smacked it from over the counter and then came around and then killed it and cleaned it up for me because I was too scared. She fucking double tapped it for you? Yes, because I it had been sitting there for like an hour because I refused to do it because it scared the shit out of me that bad.

SPEAKER_03 3:32

At least at least it's racist. Yeah. And you made the world a better place by killing it. Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 3:38

Was it orange?

SPEAKER_03 3:39

I have no clue. You couldn't even tell the color. Didn't you know that D is colorblind? This is forgot about that. It's time for the first date question. The question that would happen on a theoretical first date. And we have a Patreon person who has submitted this question for your characters to answer in character. This is what the question is. Incoming question. Question time. Nobody's gonna call me on this show. I'm too powerful.

SPEAKER_04 4:09

I laughed so hard.

SPEAKER_03 4:10

I was just muted. That's very funny. Okay. The question for this week is since you guys have been living as anthropomorphic animals, I might have butchered that word. I did my best.

SPEAKER_04 4:20

You did a good job.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

Will your characters be furries by the end of this? And if so, what will their fursonas be?

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Will they wear wings?

SPEAKER_03 4:27

Uh maybe. I'm gonna go ahead and and uh start with Catherine.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Hi, I'm Catherine. Who knows anymore? I play Roz, Schumann, Kildeer, Ringed Plover, Small Bird type animal. Type eight. And that's it. I would say that being transformed into a little critter is Roz's first and only experience in the fur community. And you know, perhaps by the end of it, she she might just be like, yeah, this is my life now, I'm accustomed to this. Depending. It really depends, I suppose. But I do think because this is her one and only standalone unique experience as any type of animal, she would be a bird. Her persona would be a bird.

SPEAKER_03 5:15

Would she remain a kill deer bird, or would she like try someone else?

SPEAKER_01 5:19

You know, probably at first, but I do think that if she was comfortable doing that, if it was something that she liked, she might she might devil, you know? She might become a macaw or something. A macaw? You know, uh a harpy eagle or s something crazy.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

Dude, shoebell stork, don't let me terrify.

SPEAKER_04 5:41

They are fucking scary.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

They're scary guys.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

Yeah, don't do that. And the noises they make are so fucking scary. They're like, don't don't get it. Alright, come next! Isaiah. Okay. I'm Isaiah. I play the character Gail. I think that Gail, having come out of this experience, assuming that we return to the real world, I think that Gail would probably actually be mortified at furries. It would it would probably take her back every time. Like if she accidentally stumbled across a furry convention, she would just a thousand yards stare.

SPEAKER_03 6:12

Post-traumatic furry disorder, dude.

SPEAKER_04 6:15

Yeah, so to answer your question, yes, she would absolutely become a furry. She would not. I don't think Gala would become a furry, but if she did have a fursona, I think that she would be a she would have a blue jay fursona.

SPEAKER_03 6:29

Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 6:30

If she did, I'm just throwing I'm giving you that phone for free, but she would not.

SPEAKER_03 6:34

Got it. She would have post-traumatic stress about furries, but if she did become a furry, she would be a blue jay.

SPEAKER_04 6:40

Well, she had post-traumatic stress triggered by furry.

SPEAKER_03 6:47

Up next.

SPEAKER_08 6:48

D. Wait, why'd you say that so ominously? D um I'd say probably at the end of this, Dan Dan knowing furries and all that, he already knew exactly what he was getting into. Well, as soon as they transformed, he's like, oh god. Like he I don't think he would be a furry, considering he knows what what the fandom is like and all that and doesn't want to associate with them.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Dan's like, I have seen into the eye.

SPEAKER_08 7:12

He would most definitely be like, you know what? No, I'm not. My experience is here. The the world doesn't need to know that this is out here.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Um but if he would the door hath been opened.

SPEAKER_08 7:22

This is his uh his door of truth, full metal alchemist reference for you.

SPEAKER_04 7:26

Oh my god, I've been I've been talking about full metal all day. That's funny.

SPEAKER_08 7:30

Uh I could see Dan being a goose. I don't know why. Give me a honk, please.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

You guys are all gonna be birds.

SPEAKER_03 7:35

God, I I can't do a honk. Roll for a honk. It's very, it's very, it's like both nasally and in your chest.

SPEAKER_06 7:42

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:44

Give me another, give me another, give me another, give me another. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 7:52

That's all the honks you get, but I can see Dan being very goose-like.

SPEAKER_03 7:56

Okay. Very goose-esque. Very goose-esque. Candon! Candon, you're up next.

SPEAKER_05 8:01

I I'm Candon. I play Jack. Um, he would not be a furry.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Straight up.

SPEAKER_05 8:06

Unfortunately, to our to our furry fandom that we got going on here. Since everybody mentioned their their characters for Sona, mine would be a s mine would be a bug. A bug? Like an ant. Nobody's mentioned a bug.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

Huh. D. Bug. Bug.

unknown 8:26

Bug. Bug.

SPEAKER_03 8:27

Uh D, is there such a thing? Have you ever met someone who's got an ant for Sona and is that allowed?

SPEAKER_01 8:32

Or is that like a different community?

SPEAKER_08 8:34

Um, there are insect furries. I've seen grasshoppers, I've seen um Grasshoppers.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

I learned something new from D all the time.

SPEAKER_03 8:43

He's just my he's my he's my resident kink expert, dude. Oh my god! If I have a question regarding a kink, you guys, I'm going to D.

SPEAKER_08 8:51

I haven't met any ants, but I have seen them. And they honestly are pretty cool. I think the mantis ones do look pretty sick. Do you want to cum on them? No. No, I do not. Are they fuckable? Listen, furries can make anything fuckable. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_03 9:05

Are you trying to bust it down on some abdomen?

SPEAKER_08 9:09

On some sort. Shit. But to answer your question, yes, there are insect furries. I don't know the specific name because there's like furtizoids, lizards. It would be scalys. For furries, it's just furries.

SPEAKER_03 9:20

For reference to Dungeons and Daddies season four, uh, they could be called insects.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

Hey, you guys, I need to change my answer. Oh.

SPEAKER_03 9:30

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_04 9:30

You can't do that. It's not allowed.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

This is who I would be. I'm gonna drop in the chat.

SPEAKER_04 9:34

Hold on. Hold on. That's amazing. Oh. That's great. Is this that one guy from My Hero Academia?

SPEAKER_02 9:43

Why does the yellow one look like a dildo?

SPEAKER_03 9:45

It is! It has to be! I have no idea. They both look kind of usable. Oh. It's coincidental. Uh I guess that's I'm gonna attempt to explain this. Uh it's a furry suit, except it's of a blitz cleaning bottle. Kleenex bottle? Wimbe. Windex.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

It's like a spray bottle furry.

SPEAKER_03 10:05

Just look up spray bottle furry on on Google Image. Probably don't do that.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

That's actually not that easy. You gotta look up spray bottle head furry. I remember I saw this in class. In college uh once. They pulled it up, and I have I've been changed since this day. So I can't believe I think of it.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

That's very easy. I didn't know about that.

SPEAKER_05 10:27

Aren't there Nazi furries? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

Not that I've seen it. Okay, we don't have time to get into that.

SPEAKER_05 10:32

No, but like it's a crazy thing. It's the inside.

SPEAKER_03 10:35

Also, all I gotta say is the head would be crazy. Anyways.

SPEAKER_05 10:39

From the Nazi furry?

SPEAKER_03 10:41

No, not from the Nazi furry! From the cleaning furry from the clean cloud!

SPEAKER_08 10:46

And then I'll tell you about the Nazi furries later.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

He knows about them too.

SPEAKER_08 10:50

I do. I've fallen down the rabbit hole a couple of different times. What do you mean? Listen, whatever questions you guys have after the show, I will I will answer to the best of my ability. Alright? What do you mean? We don't have time right now. We're trying to get into it. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 11:04

Alright.

SPEAKER_08 11:05

Alright, cool. It's called WikiFur.

SPEAKER_03 11:07

Up next is gonna be Jacob. Go ahead, Jacob.

SPEAKER_02 11:11

Hi, I'm I'm Jacob. I play Samuel, aka.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Oh my god, he sounds so cute right now.

SPEAKER_02 11:16

I agree. Connor smouse at the moment. I think I think Samuel would be open to it. And I imagine him playing maybe like a the the reference I could think of is maybe like Apollo from Animal Crossing New Horizon. That was something else.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

Oh my god, exactly. But you guys all want to be birds. I can't understand it.

SPEAKER_03 11:34

It's about the Cloaca, okay? I know it is. It gives and it takes. You're almost like a big thing. To be fair, you can tell you to be fair.

SPEAKER_08 11:40

The most popular ones tend to be wolves or foxes. Yeah, we're we're special because we're not wolves or foxes. Those are the most commons.

SPEAKER_02 11:47

I think Samuel's gonna be in the route of hoping that Stessica wants to be a furry mouse still. You know? Oh he's trying to catch that mouse.

SPEAKER_03 11:55

Samuel is the only one who's got some some fussy, you know what I'm saying? Some some what, John? Jesus. Some buzz. Bro's got the fuzz for real. Oh my god. That's so funny. Okay. Alright. My turn now. Uh my answer is no, I I am not. Uh would you? I don't think so. I don't think I would branch out and try it because I I get claustrophobic easy, and also I overheat very easily, and the thought of having to bust it down in a fursuit sounds really difficult.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

It's someone who just seen that for the first time. Very interesting and looks sweaty.

SPEAKER_08 12:40

John, you do know it's not a requirement to wear the fursuit, right? Yeah, but the fursuit's optional.

SPEAKER_03 12:45

Yeah, but when in Rome, you know, like if I'm gonna go to Rome, I'm gonna do as the Romans do. You know what I'm saying? Fair enough.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

Me, Catherine, and D study this though.

SPEAKER_08 12:54

Listen, I'm a scholar. You guys are my fucking students, alright?

SPEAKER_03 12:58

I'm just we studied the dark arts, you know what I mean? We're starting a second a second podcast where D just teaches us about furries. It's King Talk. Teach me sensei. Literature 101. I'm gonna just gonna oh wait, should I pick what my furry would be? Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 13:13

You have to pick for Stessica and Jeremy. You never did that. That's also true.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

Stessica would be a white tiger. For real. She probably wouldn't be a furry, but she if she was white tiger, Jeremy would would not either, probably, but he would be uh he would be a a grizzly bear.

SPEAKER_08 13:28

To be fair, I feel like uh Jeremy would be more of a lion.

SPEAKER_03 13:32

Well, he's not your character now, is he?

SPEAKER_08 13:35

I could see him having a lion more so than the bear.

SPEAKER_03 13:38

No, you're you're right, though. He would maybe be like, oh, I'm uh Alpha Lion.

SPEAKER_05 13:43

Give us your best roar, John, right now.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Wow, that was surprising.

SPEAKER_05 13:49

You'll look seductively into the camera, like grab the camera, and then just roar again.

SPEAKER_03 13:54

Uh listen, I have a web I have I can send you a link for that kind of content of mine, Camden. Sick. But not on podcast. Amazing. Not on podcast time.

SPEAKER_05 14:03

I'll be I'll be checking my inbox every five minutes.

SPEAKER_03 14:06

If I was gonna be a furry, I would be a penguin. Because they're cute. I would just be a cutie patootie. All birds.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

So I was an ant.

SPEAKER_03 14:15

An ant is my favorite bird. It's recapped. Um god, I need this. I also need this. Yeah, it's better met it, guys. In the last episode, Jack woke up to see a trail of slime headed from his head to the door. Then he noticed a strange humanoid goth woman in his room with him. Sick. She claimed to be the goddess of the lizards.

SPEAKER_05 14:41

What?

SPEAKER_03 14:42

And asked Jack to try to get the group to gain Headard's trust. Dan got into a fight with the captain of the guard and was helped by Samuel and a mysterious monk that end that Dan saved in the last episode before that one. Oh shit. At a critical point in the fight, a nan powered Dan to make a powerful attack against his foe. Leading to the leading to the captain losing a leg. The monk was recaptured and Dan took off to hide in the woods. The gang headed out to find him, and upon doing so gave him a disguise. You are now in the woods outside of Pine Hill. What would you guys like to do?

SPEAKER_02 15:19

Like the what the lat was last thing we did was disguise D, right? So Ned D's now in a er yeah, Dan.

SPEAKER_03 15:27

His feathers are now red and he's wearing a suit.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

Oh, I also need to know what kind of what how is um Samuel hiding his scar?

SPEAKER_02 15:37

Oh yeah, we didn't even talk about that. What if it's like a monocle or something, like a like a little eyepiece?

SPEAKER_04 15:42

Samuel has a scar?

SPEAKER_01 15:44

But that just magnifies the scar.

SPEAKER_08 15:46

Yeah, could we just put another like use the paint to put another scar on his other eye so he just has two?

SPEAKER_07 15:53

That's a great idea. No, that can't be him. He's got two scars. Yeah. They'll never know.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

I mean, I don't care. That's fine.

SPEAKER_07 16:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

Yeah, I I I rock with that. Okay, cool.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

That's fucking weird.

SPEAKER_02 16:04

Uh he has two scars.

SPEAKER_01 16:07

Uh well, I guess if we're not gonna are we, do we want to keep walking at night, gang, or are we setting up camp here?

SPEAKER_07 16:16

From my personal experience, walking around at night is not the best idea. We should probably set up this.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 16:23

Oh, by the way, the name's Crazy Greg, but you can call me CJ for sure.

SPEAKER_04 16:28

Crazy Greg.

SPEAKER_07 16:30

CJ. CJ.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

Crazy Greg, but CJ?

SPEAKER_03 16:34

I Crazy Greg, but Greg is spelled with a J.

SPEAKER_07 16:39

I never learned how to spell properly.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

Okay, this is good.

SPEAKER_08 16:43

That's what I'm saying. I actually love that much the most. I've been setting this up all week.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

Is the other G and Greg a J as well? I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_08 16:51

This is not a No, it it's literally Greg is spelled normally, but Dan is now illiterate. Oh, okay. So it's for the character.

SPEAKER_03 16:59

He's illiterate.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

CJ. That's fine.

SPEAKER_08 17:01

CJ is illiterate. I feel like it just makes it significantly funnier. That's very interesting.

SPEAKER_07 17:06

We should really settle down for the night. It wouldn't be a very good idea to travel right now.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

I mean, CJ, you're probably right. Um's gonna start walking around looking for flammable things for a fire.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

Yeah, can Samuel like keep his distance from Roz?

SPEAKER_03 17:21

Uh okay, yeah. You can do whatever you'd like. You want to keep your distance? Uh okay. So you guys are setting up camp?

SPEAKER_01 17:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 17:30

Yeah, you have no problem finding stuff to make a fire. I will say you're currently within you can see the wall of Pine Hill. You're like semi-close to it. It's in the distance a little bit, but you guys didn't go too far in the woods. Uh yeah, but you got you find all the things you'd need for making a fire.

SPEAKER_08 17:46

And Dan would I'm sorry, C Jack. This is gonna take some getting used to. Light the fire.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

Okay, you're still Dan. It's just a disguise. Okay, you light the fire. Uh okay. Yeah. You guys light the fire, you have a cozy little fire.

SPEAKER_07 18:01

Connor Smouse, I got a question for ya. What is it? I heard you were uh hitting that from the back last night at the hotel. I was wondering about that. Justice could dies.

SPEAKER_02 18:13

How was that? I see you're a detective yourself, my good friend.

SPEAKER_07 18:17

I you can't miss much with the walls baking the way they were. Aye, good night, last over here. I hope you can sleep well with how he was going. From the sound of it. It was a rough night on the screen.

SPEAKER_03 18:53

A rough night on the She collapses face first on the ground. Oh god. She's so tired. She hasn't slept for like a while because she didn't sleep at all last night. It's a wonder she could walk at all.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

She's got uh con Connor Smouse is going to go um pick up Stessica and and carry her to like uh like a tree to like lay it down.

SPEAKER_03 19:18

Don't keep her up all night tonight, bud. Good night. She acts like she's sleeping, but she's not.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

Oh yeah. It's like the typical like little kid, like Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:26

Yeah, exactly. You can kind of tell she's not sleeping, but she's pretending to because she likes being carried by you. So you yeah, you carry her over by like the tree. You're just kind of being up by the tree.

SPEAKER_02 19:35

Yeah, like yeah, just kinda like, yeah, just kinda pin her up there. Wait, up there? Like you're climbing the tree? No, just like sitting up against it, so she's not like okay.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

Yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah, you you carry her over to the to the tree and you guys both uh lay down and sit down.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

Oh, uh, should we decide about who's taking first watch? I didn't even think about it.

SPEAKER_08 19:53

Alright, um I'll fly up to the tree. Alright, I'm gonna stop now. I'm gonna fly up to the tree and uh I'll I'll keep watch.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

Okay. Well, uh CJ, if you wanna if you wanna wake me up when you're done with watch, I'll I'll take next shift.

SPEAKER_08 20:07

Yeah, I I got you.

SPEAKER_01 20:08

Thank you.

SPEAKER_08 20:08

And Daniel would like just kind of fly up into the into the tree that he was on. Gail would like to take the third watch.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Uh hopefully three three watches is gonna get us through the morning.

SPEAKER_03 20:18

So Okay, yeah, that that'll do. Uh okay, Jeremy walks up to the fire and where he's like a little bit away, but still catching some of the warmth. And you see like the little gloves on his armor kinda like and you see his arms go in, and his head ducks into the armor, and he's just in there. Oh my god. That's so cute.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

That is so cute.

SPEAKER_03 20:39

He's like an armadillo.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

John, are you plotting this like on your days off? That's so adorable.

SPEAKER_03 20:45

That one was off the dome.

SPEAKER_01 20:46

Oh my gosh. Rosa's gonna get really close to the fire because she's like a she's a thermal animal. She likes that that heat. Um and she's gonna pat the ground next to her for skimmer and they're gonna cuddle going to bed. It's bedtime.

SPEAKER_03 21:05

He like his little wings a little bit, clear a little spot, and then he like does like three circles and lays down in a tiny little bump.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

I love him so much.

SPEAKER_03 21:14

Gail. Casey is uh he's sitting by the fire in uh and he's doing that, you know that that classic Jeff Goldblum Jurassic Park post?

SPEAKER_04 21:22

I pictured it instantly.

SPEAKER_03 21:25

He's just sitting there fucking ripped for the single frame. Awesome. And uh he's also he's on his last sig. Uh, what is your jumping spider up to?

SPEAKER_04 21:34

My jumping spider uh is actually probably hunting. He eats. Did you forget about that?

SPEAKER_03 21:40

God damn. Alright, yeah, I guess I did. Okay, your jumping spider is off hunting.

SPEAKER_02 21:48

John, you gotta play defense there. You're like, no, I didn't I didn't forget it.

SPEAKER_03 21:53

I knew that. Cool. So everybody seems to go to to sleep. First watch is gonna be Dan. Dan, would you go? Go ahead and give me a uh a will save. I roll the nine. You do not experience any issues on your first watch.

SPEAKER_07 22:09

Cheers, lad.

SPEAKER_08 22:10

Dan would wake up Roz, just be like, hey, second watch, this is your go, and then fly back up into the tree and sleep that there because he's staying away from the bugs. Okay. Okay, cool.

SPEAKER_01 22:20

Roz wakes up and is like, fuck.

SPEAKER_07 22:22

I las. If you want to sleep a little longer, I can I can wait a time longer.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Dan. I got it. Skimmer, come on.

SPEAKER_03 22:29

Uh, Roz, go ahead and give a will save, please.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

You mean will save with advantage, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:34

Come on.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

Well, Skimmer's with me.

SPEAKER_03 22:36

Alright, fine. Here's what I'll say. You give one for you, one for Skimmer.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

Hell yeah. Okay. Roz got a 10. Oh, Skimmer got a 20. That sucks.

SPEAKER_03 22:45

Skimmer's dead. No. Skimmer falls asleep immediately. He cannot stay up.

SPEAKER_06 22:51

He's tired.

SPEAKER_03 22:52

He's so eepy. With a success uh like that, you hear a little pitter patter moving towards the group.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

Uh Roz turns to in the direction of the pitter patter. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 23:06

You see the crumpled up, crumpled up little bits of leaves. And you see a silhouette barely peeking into the firelight. And it is a creepy thing to see at first. And then it takes a couple more steps in, and it is Gail's jumping spider.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

Oh, thank fucking God.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

And it has a fly in its mouth. And he blinks, and he's got super big uh black glossy eyes, and he just he drops the fly at Gail's feet while she's sleeping and then crumples into a little ball by Gail's size.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

That's so cute, bro. Okay. Uh yeah, Roz is definitely gonna be recovering from a mini stroke. Very silently, though. Heart racing.

SPEAKER_03 23:49

Yeah, that makes sense. At this point in the night, sometime in between the switching of the guard for Roz and Gail there. Uh Samuel, you are drifting into a very deep sleep. Um and you actually begin to come to in a cloudy dimension. It's kind of something you're a little bit familiar with, having leveled up a few times. And you see that you are once again human as you are in the spirit realm. And what you see around you is the human version of Marcos, sits across from you, and he sits up and he goes, uh, what the fuck? You see uh Shauna, who is one of the other people who came through uh with you. She looks malnourished as fuck. Her eyes are sunken. Jesus Christ. Uh you know that she was one of the people who didn't betray the side of good for the king. But she was the one between the two of you that got captured. Marcos is looking around, he's like, uh, where the fuck is Danielle? I haven't seen her in days. What did you do to her, Samuel? And as it is every other time, uh, you guys turn and you see uh Sonny. But you guys keep it down. And you see him, he's crouched, and you can see like an ethereal version of a wall beside him, and he's holding a handgun. And you can hear voices in the distance. He's like, please be fucking quiet. Just like fucking pick your spells and move along. And they're like, I think he's over there. And you hear boots rushing, he's like, God fucking damn it, okay. And as he gets up and moves, it's like you see that what's close to him appear and move along with him as if the camera is like tracked to him and stuff is appearing and then disappearing behind him as he's moving. He's like, I'm like in some deep shit right now, so if you guys could just pick up your spells and get going. And Marcos is like, um, I think I'll take as long as I need. Shauna is like, Sam, Samuel, Samuel. Shauna, what what happened to you? They got me. They got me. They caught me in a dark place. I don't know. I'm hooked up to something. And it suck, it's taking magic out of my body. I don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

Do you know do you know where or who did this to you?

SPEAKER_03 25:56

They blindfolded me when they took me there. I don't know where it is. It hurts, Samuel. It hurts. Every moment hurts. I don't know. I don't know how long I can do this. How how can I help you? Just try to find me. Uh, you see Sonny get tackled by a giant muscular dude with tattoos. He's like, Oh fuck! You guys, could you have not? And he's like wrestling around with the gun. He's like, Could you have not just shut the fuck up? God fucking damn it. And the the guy is like speaking in Russian and he's gesturing at you guys. The guy headbutts Sonny. Sonny passes out, and you guys uh immediately all of you freeze kind of in time and you select your spells. Uh, and you don't know what everybody else picks. But what I will have you do, Jacob, is go ahead and roll me a d20, please. C poppy.

SPEAKER_02 26:42

I got a six.

SPEAKER_03 26:43

Okay, that does not cut it. Your strength does not upgrade at all. Go ahead and roll another d20, please.

SPEAKER_02 26:49

I got a two.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

A two. Your dex does not upgrade at all. Go ahead and give me a another d20. I got a three.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 26:59

The only time you roll good, my god, dude, and it's the one you need to roll high. I don't need no buffs. You now being level five, you gain access to three d6 hit dice. So go ahead and roll three d6 and add them together and let me know what you get.

SPEAKER_02 27:16

I got a two, a one, and a six.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

Your HP does not go up at all. Rip. You gain nothing. Damn. Can you go ahead and tell everybody what uh spell you chose? Um, I don't know. I don't even have the spell sheet pulled up. I believe you chose invisibility.

SPEAKER_02 27:32

Oh yeah, because I said I fit that fit is fine. Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_03 27:34

Okay, I will add that. Go ahead and roll me a D4 to see how many casts of invisibility you get. Uh I'll have to roll for two. Uh two. I was kidding. What the fuck, D? How did you do that? Okay. You get two uses of the spell invisibility. Cool. Perfect. Cutting back out, you guys, we just zoom out of Samuel sleeping real snug as a bug in a rug. And you see we pan to Roz finishing up her her watch and waking up Gail.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

Hey buddy.

SPEAKER_03 28:04

I'm gonna go back to sleep. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:07

Good luck. Nothing happened. Oh, your spider brought you a gift, scared the shit out of me. Um, enjoy that.

SPEAKER_04 28:14

Gail's gonna like, her eyes are gonna widen slowly, and then she'll she'll turn and see the spider laying right next to her and jump up like terrified. Like, ah! Oh my god. I was not expecting that.

SPEAKER_03 28:26

I feel like the spider is just looking at you, and when you look at him, his butt starts going like he's like his butt starts wagging. Adorable. And also there's a dead fly right by your head, too.

SPEAKER_04 28:38

Gail will glance down at the fly and then without moving her head from the fly, like pet this pet the spider. Good, good spider.

SPEAKER_03 28:46

He picks up the fly and sets it by you and looks at you again.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

I love him.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

I'm not gonna eat the spider. No, I'm not gonna eat the bug spider.

SPEAKER_04 28:52

He picks it up and sets it down again. I am not hungry.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

I think you just need to pretend and eat it, Gail.

SPEAKER_04 28:57

That's all I was thinking.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

Just you know, just like just ham it up, you know, like and Raz Raz emotions like the mmm, you know, just like you would do with a baby.

SPEAKER_04 29:06

Gail will like hunch down and like go up to it and go ah and like take a mock bite.

SPEAKER_03 29:13

Can you roll a will save to try to convince him like a performance? I got a 10. You got a 10? Yeah, he uh he believes it. He's like okay. And then he curls up into a little ball again. His like legs pull in and he lays down.

SPEAKER_04 29:28

That's cool.

SPEAKER_03 29:29

Would you go ahead and give me a a will save, please? If you want to roll for Casey, if you're keeping Casey awake and your jumping spider, you can as well. I got a three and a ten and eleven. So three was for you, I'm gonna say. And then the ten is for Casey. So Casey falls asleep. The jumping spider falls asleep as well. Alright, well, you're the only one that hears it then. You hear the loud It's the sound of big wings flapping coming from the direction of Pine Hill.

SPEAKER_04 30:02

Oh shit. Hearing that, I'd like to investigate further.

SPEAKER_03 30:06

Okay, you uh look out. Uh, would you give me a will save to peer into the darkness of the night? A nine. Okay, yeah, you succeed. Through the kind of the trees, you see like stars in the background, and you see a big shadow moving. And you kinda recognize the silhouette as headered, and he is approaching you guys' camp.

SPEAKER_04 30:24

Oh. Who's headered? He's the L man. You're lying. Yeah, I'm lying. Okay, so I guess he's already seen us. So I'll I'll jump and wake everybody up really quickly a bit. Okay, guys, guys.

SPEAKER_07 30:35

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_04 30:35

We got incoming.

SPEAKER_07 30:36

Aye, what the fuck do you want? Shut the hell up. She's trying to sleep. Give her a wake up.

SPEAKER_04 30:39

I'm I'ma kick some sand into D's mouth, but make it look like an accident.

SPEAKER_03 30:44

He's in a tree. I kick it really far. Can I roll to kick sand? If you want to roll to try to kick sand, give me a disadvantaged strength save.

SPEAKER_04 30:54

Okay. My grog strong jaw dice and my cheese dice. That's what I would like to do.

SPEAKER_03 30:58

Cheese, grumbling.

SPEAKER_04 31:00

The rolls have spoken. I got a 16 on the cheese.

SPEAKER_03 31:03

Damn. Okay, yeah, you you whiff it. You miss the dirt. And stumble about. Uh, headard lands outside your camp, stands tall, he kind of folds his wings back behind him, and he's like, you all had a pretty busy night. And you see in his claws, he drops a uh familiar little green fellow, uh, which is Jack.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

And he is sleeping.

SPEAKER_01 31:27

He's still sleeping as he falls.

SPEAKER_07 31:28

Aye, what's happening? I can't see from up here. CJ, what do you think it is?

SPEAKER_08 31:32

Uh Dan would like fly down and still confused because he was up in the tree, so he didn't like fully see what happened. Right. And see Header and Jack Stan, and there's like, Aye, hi there, lad.

SPEAKER_07 31:42

What are you doing here?

SPEAKER_03 31:43

Name CJ, by the way. Uh, Header does not seem to recognize you, Dan. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_07 31:49

Oh, fucking cares.

SPEAKER_03 31:50

Where's Dan? I who the hell is Dan? Where do you find these guys? Rude.

SPEAKER_01 31:57

Uh, Dan got lost. I mean, he he's uh he's just being held up at the moment. Uh we're working on finding him after, you know, we all sleep for the night.

SPEAKER_03 32:07

Or try to, because could you roll a will save to lie to him, please?

SPEAKER_01 32:11

Yes, I can. I never wanted to lie to you, Heather. I got a 13. I think my little twelve.

SPEAKER_03 32:19

I'm not going to get you in trouble. I'm not going to bring you in. I need to know what happened. Because the version they're spinning is probably different from what actually happened. So.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

Okay, Heather.

SPEAKER_04 32:36

Also, did you kill Jack? Why is he not up yet? Is he dead? Hey guys. Oh my god. I did not even.

SPEAKER_05 32:44

I am rested, refreshed, and ready to No, wait. Jack, it's so good to see you. What's up, gang?

SPEAKER_03 32:52

Hey, who's this one? Yeah, there's quite a bit he needs caught up on. I'm pretty sure he's I don't know how he was sleeping so deeply. Also, when I found him, he was just covered in slime. Don't know what that's about. Wow. Uh what? You might want to wash your talons, bro. He like looks at his feet and he's like, yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_01 33:09

I'm clean.

SPEAKER_03 33:10

I'm clean. Could someone give me the rundown of what happened?

SPEAKER_01 33:13

Okay, Heather, I will tell you everything that I know. Look, we were on our way because the ball's coming up, we were going to a shop, we were going to the alchemy store. Okay, and then we all split up because we ran into the church church of Marcos, and we were gonna go in, Gail and I, but they don't like women there, so um, and so they were like, uh, you can't come in because you're lesser people, you know, and we were like, fuck that. So we so we didn't go in. Um and then Dan So we blew it up.

SPEAKER_03 33:40

We'll get to that in a second.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

Dan and Connor went in, and and then, you know, I don't really I'm I'm unclear about what happened after that because we all split up and then we got back together and then there was a a big commotion, and then we lost Dan for a little bit, but uh he's um and Roz is motioning to the the now red bird in their vicinity.

SPEAKER_07 34:07

I mean they found me in this tree stump. I passed out drunk a few days ago. It's a wonder I even woke up at home.

SPEAKER_03 34:14

Are you saying that this is good?

SPEAKER_07 34:16

No.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

I'm not not saying that.

SPEAKER_03 34:21

Uh yeah, D, please go ahead and roll uh deception there with disadvantage, because you've just been pointed out. Damn it, Roz.

SPEAKER_01 34:28

I have to be honest with Henry.

SPEAKER_03 34:30

Oh fuck. Alright, hold on.

SPEAKER_08 34:31

14 and a five. I hate my wife.

SPEAKER_03 34:35

I'm genuinely impressed that you managed to pull that off. I have no idea how I didn't see that off the gate. Thank you. It's like, once I see it, it's like that's all I can see now. It's just Dan covered in red shit. What is this?

SPEAKER_04 34:47

It's better than the yellow piss we tried earlier.

SPEAKER_03 34:51

So, Dan, what exactly happened? Did you I'm sure that it was provoked. I know the captain.

SPEAKER_08 34:57

Yeah, it was it was 100% provoked. Okay. Um, coming clean, headered, first and foremost, please don't take me in. I really don't want to die today. I'm not. Thank you. Basically, what had happened was I was outside, I was looking for the bathroom, technically, and um I guess the the priest dude or whatever who was in the church got sa teleported away. This is what the captain told me, and um, as I was looking for the bathroom, he cornered me, blamed me for teleporting him out of that situation where he was gonna die, proceeded to blame me, and then attacked me, unprovoked, mind you, and um, yada yada yada, basically accidentally blew his leg off. Foot, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 35:37

There's a there's a couple questions to go with that, yeah. Uh first point, did you teleport that man out?

SPEAKER_08 35:44

No.

SPEAKER_03 35:45

Roll will say, please. Fucking second.

SPEAKER_08 35:49

Fucking 13. Okay, yes, yes, I did, but come on, Heathered, you can't tell me that that was completely unjustified of them to kill that poor priest. Who wasn't even doing anything. He was helping the poor.

SPEAKER_03 35:59

I would forgive him, Heathered. I was. And y'all can't tell nobody about this, alright? I will it'll be bad, but I I had friends in the church of Nim before it was taken over a bit ago.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

Uh say more right now, Heather.

SPEAKER_03 36:17

It's been a big shift. There was supposedly a prophecy in the book of Nym that someone was gonna come and be the new savior and stuff, and somehow they're all convinced that it was Marcos for some reason. And it seems like a dick. Uh that's the understatement of the century. Uh it's been a mess, to be frank, and I am just now finding out about the public executions that have been going on, and I will be having a strongly worded talk with all of those involved, but I don't think I have enough influence to sway them uh from trying to persecute or bring charges at Dan for, you know, blowing the leg off of a f official. So I would lay low. I would keep Dan in that disguise as long as possible. I would not bring him in any way, shape, or form into the palace coming up. Aye. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

But threw an eye out there. I must have been the wind. Aye.

SPEAKER_03 37:23

Seriously, like as soon as his mouth opens, it's like he disappears. It's terrifying. I'm very good at what I do. Okay, let me stop.

SPEAKER_04 37:31

I think it's I think it's important to ask if you want us to lie low, how did you find us?

SPEAKER_03 37:37

We did light a fire. First point, yeah. Uh within eye shot of the city, there was a fire lit uh out in the woods in a similar direction that a potential fugitive was last seen.

SPEAKER_00 37:50

My bad, guys.

SPEAKER_03 37:50

There might have been some rolls that the DM made behind uh a DM screen, and you guys did kind of good, so it didn't end up being a bad guy finding you. Thank you, DM. Meta. I hate meta. Uh also it's a technique of mine that I don't exactly share with the officials for obvious reasons. Uh in Terrance, when they come through, the portal have a residual magic that fades off with time. You guys haven't been here that long, that magic hasn't faded off. I know how to kind of track it. Do you sniff it? Uh n sim kind of. Yeah, that's how I found it.

SPEAKER_08 38:29

Johnny BS in this because you needed a explanation.

SPEAKER_03 38:32

No, I I planned this ahead of time. Okay. It's in my moment. Roll of well safe. Hey, shut up! I'm gone! Good job, that's why it took me so long to get here. I found Jack first in that pirate hotel. Uh I waited hoping you guys would show up there, and then I realized that that wasn't gonna happen. And then I tried sniffing out the trail from there. So that landed me here.

SPEAKER_08 39:01

Okay, fair enough.

SPEAKER_03 39:02

Headered, we got a qu well, I got a question for you.

SPEAKER_08 39:04

Let me have it. He sits down, I think. Yes, by the fireman. Get toasty, get comfy.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

So, Heather, from my understanding. Oh, hang hang on one second. He turns his head and he's like, You can come out now. I don't think they're gonna attack me. And then you see Winston runs up and stops, and he's like, Oh, hello guys! A lot's been going on, I can see. I heard you guys gave the the captain a real walloping. He deserves it. I hate that guy. Winston, you're gonna become my new favorite. Winston, please sit down. Hey, do you have my book? Do you have my book, by the way? Can I see that real quick? I feel like okay. He ri runs up to Roz. Can I have my book?

SPEAKER_01 39:38

Yeah, I got it right here, buddy.

SPEAKER_03 39:40

And then he sits down and starts like, I didn't get any of that. I'm gonna have to read this a lot slower than I want to. Okay. And he's like painfully turning the pages. I'm gonna be honest. Winston, does it have pictures?

SPEAKER_01 39:56

Did you get him a book from the Forbidden Li No I mean yes, Headard, I can't I can't even lie to you, honestly. I had to.

SPEAKER_03 40:04

Did anybody see that he asked you d Winston? Is there you know that the books in the other one are are are some are filled with with horsefly shit, and you know that. I love Winston. He takes it Headard takes his glasses off and he's like, I'm so tired. Okay. Alright. Somebody had a question. Oh, that was me.

SPEAKER_08 40:24

Uh how do I approach this without sounding like I'm trying to get us in trouble here. You want us gone, right? What do you mean by that? Like, uh, you want us back back on Terra, Earth, whatever the fuck. You want us back on Terra, right? Uh, as long as that is what you all want, that's what I would like. I mean, I'm not gonna answer for anybody else, but staying here is kinda cool at times. Uh, I can fly, I mean I kinda like flying. But that's besides the point. So, from my understanding and a couple other resources we won't mention, uh, apparently there's a possibility the king has something that can track our trinkets. And I'm just gonna come out right and say it. Can we trust you to very limitedly, very limitedly, let me specify, help us out possibly stealing it. John, don't roll that. I don't like you rolling.

SPEAKER_04 41:20

Alright. We just we just confessed to plotting to steal from the king. So that was a bold move.

SPEAKER_08 41:26

No, Dan confessed. This is all Dan's idea, by the way, Header. This is uh this is 100% mean. You roll a will save for that one, please. I disavow this.

SPEAKER_03 41:36

I disavow this.

SPEAKER_08 41:37

Oh, and it's just under it!

SPEAKER_03 41:38

Uh yeah, but it was a it was a contested roll, so you don't know how it went. Uh, probably poorly, no one might love. So he's like, alright. I'll take it that you know where the map went then. What map?

SPEAKER_05 41:49

Close up on my ass, cheat. It shoved in my ball.

SPEAKER_01 41:59

That actually is very funny to me.

SPEAKER_04 42:01

Gail face palms very hard and like turns her back and like shakes her head. The map starts to fall out of my ass. Is it loose? Why does it fall out?

SPEAKER_08 42:11

Slip in from his cheeks.

SPEAKER_01 42:12

Yeah, you've blown out.

SPEAKER_08 42:14

Listen, Heather. I don't know anything about a map. I'm just hearing what I've been hearing rumors about.

SPEAKER_03 42:20

Alright, I'm gonna go with you in a theoretical Okay, that's fine. Let's say you didn't take the map and you're not responsible for several guards being dead over a map being stolen. That had nothing to do with me. Or us.

SPEAKER_01 42:33

Yeah, we didn't kill the captain of the guard. He attacked me first. I was acting in self-influenced.

SPEAKER_03 42:38

This is a separate conversation. When the map was stolen, guards were killed to get it. Okay, well if that probably happens sometime when we weren't around.

SPEAKER_08 42:48

I have no clue what happened with this map, Header.

SPEAKER_04 42:50

Let the man get through his hypothetical before we jump. Alright, alright.

SPEAKER_08 42:54

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Continue, Header, please.

SPEAKER_03 42:56

If that was the case and you do not have a map, and you simply have heard rumors that there's a highly specific trinket tracking device in the king's palace, I could tell you that it would be incredibly difficult to steal. Right. But what exactly would you re need from me?

SPEAKER_08 43:16

And this is all hypothetical, right? This is all purely theoretical. We're speaking just just uh we would need your king's question.

SPEAKER_03 43:26

Hypothetical as can be. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Thank you, Winston. Not at all real at all, not something that's making me really excited at the thought of it at all. That's that 100%. And he's like barely sitting down. Yeah, uh, exclusively hypothetical.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

I just love Winston.

SPEAKER_04 43:41

I also love Winston. I don't love Winston.

SPEAKER_05 43:45

What if what if we did have the map though? Would we like get in trouble? Or like ask him for a friend, obviously. Dan specifically.

SPEAKER_03 43:54

I would say if you were the ones that stole the map and killed several. Guards that won't go home to their family. I would be kind of bummed about that. We didn't steal anything.

SPEAKER_05 44:06

Okay. Killing is also a strong word, but you know. Jack, where did you get the map? We never really talked about that. I just grabbed I grabbed the map out of my ass. Okay, I have the map. Listen, guys, I didn't I didn't kill anybody. I died. Rye handled whatever like God is here.

SPEAKER_03 44:24

Can you give me a uh uh will say, please, Jack?

SPEAKER_05 44:28

But he didn't kill anyone. I wrote a D20, it's a nine.

SPEAKER_03 44:32

Where did you get the map?

SPEAKER_05 44:33

Uh we just uh I can't really tell you that because like the the person that I got it from is it was an octopus. It was a talking octopus. Okay, I'm I'm I'm really bad at keeping secrets. I'm really bad at keeping it. I'm trying my best here.

SPEAKER_03 44:49

I got it from Hank. Uh God damn it. I guess there's no other octopus you could have met, and seeing as you just came from the Forbidden Library, I would say that that's a solid chance.

SPEAKER_05 45:02

I think no no, the guy that we met, his name was Bartholomew James the Third Esquire.

SPEAKER_04 45:09

He's throwing your your brother under the bus.

SPEAKER_03 45:12

I'm not gonna believe that.

SPEAKER_05 45:12

That's You didn't even have me make a wheel save.

SPEAKER_03 45:15

There's a lot of evidence to suggest that it came from Hank. I'll die before I There's no need for a roll for that. Me and Hank go way back, obviously. I loved him? Hank took the map, I'm sure, and I'm sure he was doing it with the bird bandit folk. And probably some remnants of the Church of Nim, I would guess. So I does wind up that you guys probably didn't take the map. Alright, doesn't matter now, you guys have the map. What are you planning to do with it? Anybody you can shh.

SPEAKER_08 45:50

I I think I've told enough. Roz, this is this is all you guys were coming up with. I said Roz and Jack. Yeah, this is the one.

SPEAKER_01 45:58

Roz is gonna turn to both Jack and Dan and be like, the fuck? With her with her wings raped.

SPEAKER_04 46:05

Okay. At this point, Gail will step forward. You got it, girl.

SPEAKER_08 46:10

Listen, guys, I was I was high last time we talked about it.

SPEAKER_04 46:13

At this point, you have well more than enough reason to arrest us, and you can throw us in jail. You can do whatever the fuck you want to us. So I'm done. Obviously, we we've we've got no grounds to stand on. We're trying to steal the map because we want to go home. And either you're gonna help us or you're gonna throw us in jail, or you might just walk away.

SPEAKER_05 46:30

He doesn't speak for all of us. I can't I can't survive in jail. I'm not built for jail.

SPEAKER_04 46:34

I am speaking for all of you. All of you made this decision for uh the entire group because each and every one of you gave up a goddamn secret because you can't lie to the governor. I was lying good. Header is a good one.

SPEAKER_01 46:48

I don't lie, Gail.

SPEAKER_04 46:49

Your your moral high ground is is rich. It really is.

SPEAKER_01 46:52

I don't I don't understand why it would be rich. I haven't lied to you thus far.

SPEAKER_03 46:56

Alright, it's alright. I get it's a tense situation, but you happen to be lucky enough to be not lying to the government official that's not going to arrest you. What exactly is your plan? How can I help?

SPEAKER_04 47:09

On God, John, can can we just fill him in on every excruciating detail of our plan?

SPEAKER_03 47:13

Please do. Headard looks at the sun as it's rising and he's like, Alright, if we're gonna do the food shipment, you're gonna have to go fast. There's about three different places you could try to get in to this food shipment. There's the where they're loading it, which is in the warehouse plant, and then you could try to get in during its transport, or you could try to get in as it's arriving at the s the palace, but I don't know what exactly you guys want to try.

SPEAKER_04 47:44

I think my original plan was always supposed to be we were gonna arrive as like being brought into the kitchen. Or from the shipping thing to the castle itself. I'm open to s to suggestions for that because I can see the benefit of doing it differently. Alright. Listen, Heather, I I think that you seem like a good guy. But if it were up to me, I would never have trusted you with any of this information at all. Alright. Valid. So what what's in it for you? Why are you why are you doing this?

SPEAKER_03 48:16

Sonny is an old friend and he's also a royal dumbass. We noticed. And I have to coexist in this this space where I both care about him and also would like to right the wrongs of a friend who I feel a little responsible for. So if I can try to get some of you guys back, that would be great. And also, there seems to be a consistent pattern of people coming from Terra and getting manipulated into joining the enemy side of this war and making things considerably worse. So by all means I would like to get you all home.

SPEAKER_04 48:55

I wish that more people shared your mentality on that. And I'm gonna choose to trust you mostly because I have no other choice. And I thank you for your help, assuming you're not scheming. This isn't a setup, is it?

SPEAKER_01 49:08

I I was gonna say it's been good so far, Gail, so I feel like it's fine.

SPEAKER_03 49:12

Well, if there was any anyone who is excellent at distractions, it would be my little friend here. Winston's like, what? Is someone talking about me?

SPEAKER_04 49:22

Was it the word little or the word friend that that made you perk up, Winston?

SPEAKER_03 49:26

Where I come from, they're one and the same. And he does like a he does like a big run circle and he's like, What can I do? I am so excited to be off of this wear dragon case, it's sucking the life out of me. I can't find the dang guy. He's so good at hiding.

SPEAKER_04 49:38

Okay, John. Gail's gonna put him under scrutiny. She's gonna like like look into him and say it. See if like this enthusiasm is genuine. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 49:47

Yeah, please do. Roll a uh roll a d20 we'll say. This is for nothing. I know he is.

SPEAKER_05 49:52

I hope he's the most genuine person ever.

SPEAKER_03 49:56

I I hope he is too, but I got a twelve. You peer into the soul of this tiny mouse, and within it you see a glowing diamond of pure goodness.

SPEAKER_01 50:09

Oh my god, I love him.

SPEAKER_03 50:10

He is he is filled with just love and appreciation for life, and he's it's just exploding out the seams at all moments. He's genuinely so excited. Uh he's so so stoked.

SPEAKER_04 50:23

Gail's eyes would soften a little bit, and like a small smile would creep up. Like, like you'd expect from from a mother. Okay, yeah. Being being almost proud.

SPEAKER_03 50:33

Yeah, and and what is happening while you're observing this is uh Headard is holding Winston by the back of his shirt, and and Winston is just running as fast as fucking possible underneath. Like he's just like and he's like, thank you, thank you, I need to get this out, I need to get this out so bad, I'm drawing so much attention. That is what is happening. And you and you see Headard is just the tired dad just holding his overly excited children. The tired dad of an ADHD child. Uh the difficulty to recognize Samuel is a five. I forgot to roll. Uh okay. Headard looks at Samuel and doesn't say anything. So he just is like, okay, who's this guy with him?

SPEAKER_02 51:15

The name's Gonna Smouse. It's like Mouse, but with an S. I'm a detective from faraway lands.

SPEAKER_03 51:21

Right. Alright. Uh I'm gonna get you guys into town. Um He Winston, blanket. Right! I'm on my way!

SPEAKER_04 51:31

No way Headard's powerful enough to carry us all.

SPEAKER_03 51:34

You see, Winston runs back with a big blue blanket. Alright, everybody in! What? Alright. Okay. Right in the center. This is the best. This is the best thing ever.

SPEAKER_01 51:42

Like all of us are just the or just the three.

SPEAKER_03 51:44

Headed, what do you think? Alright. Just all get in, please. As you guys are all climbing onto this little blanket into the center of it, you see Headard do some uh moving of his hands, and you see roots growing up around him.

SPEAKER_08 51:58

Magic shit.

SPEAKER_03 51:58

Forming a very subtle exoskeleton around his body. And he kind of flexes and stretches out his neck, and he's like he picks up all four corners of the blanket. All of you guys get tucked in and kind of smash together. Oh god. Samuel Stessica kind of is gonna actually hang on, let me roll for this.

SPEAKER_08 52:17

Snuggle up next to you.

SPEAKER_03 52:19

She matches. Uh Samuel Stessica intentionally smashes your face into her boobs when you guys get crazy, bro.

SPEAKER_02 52:29

This is my my bailout for my rolls earlier. Like, you don't get stronger, but you get tits.

SPEAKER_01 52:34

That's 100%.

SPEAKER_08 52:36

I mean, I think that even evens out pretty nicely.

SPEAKER_02 52:39

And she goes, ooh.

SPEAKER_01 52:40

Kind of smells like fish in here.

SPEAKER_02 52:41

It smells like fist in here.

SPEAKER_01 52:43

Not piss, like fish.

SPEAKER_02 52:44

Nah.

SPEAKER_05 52:45

It does smell like piss in here.

SPEAKER_02 52:46

Smells like deer piss, to be exact.

SPEAKER_01 52:48

Kind of smells fishy, like tuna.

SPEAKER_07 52:50

Hey, Samuel, you sea dog. Getting in those titties, I see.

SPEAKER_03 52:54

That was an accident.

SPEAKER_02 52:54

Connor smells is gonna like turn and wink at uh CJ.

SPEAKER_03 52:58

He does the breathe out of the side of the mouth, you know the That's so real. Catherine Bivens is Roz, Isaiah Nyman is Gail, and me, Jonathan Ransom, as your DM and audio editor. This podcast would not exist without the inspiration of real play podcasts that came before, such as Dungeons and Daddies, Critical Role, Adventure Zone, and Dungeons and Daddies again, because I'm the biggest D and Dads glazer you will find. The show's so good. Thank you guys so much for listening, and we will see you guys in the next episode. Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_08 54:26

I mean, it's my duck dice. Let me get those out.

SPEAKER_01 54:28

Robberducky.

SPEAKER_08 54:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:30

Sorry, can you do that in the pyro voice?

SPEAKER_08 54:32

Uh is it a song? Robert Ducky.

SPEAKER_07 54:35

Just hit that. Um, Robardaki.

SPEAKER_04 54:43

I rolled a nine. John, I don't want to break up the scene or anything, but I think you know as well as I do that if Kyro was in this room, he would have aired this whole bitch out. The amount of complete lack of subterfuge and everyone just being like, Alright, alright. We did it. It's very funny. I don't care, he's not here, whoever they are.