Episode 20- The Foxy Fellow

A game of critter and fox takes place in the palace. Meanwhile, Jack, Raz, and Jeremy lead a chase through the streets of Pinehill.

This episode contains body horror, horror, gross noises, violence, profanity, sexual content, descriptions of gore, and profanity. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Caverns and Critters is a podcast about little guys made for big guys as an adult. Content warnings can be found in the episode description.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

A Miles Ritter real play podcast that tells the story of a group of recently heartbroken and newly single young adults finding themselves cast into another dimension where they've been turned into little critters. Critter report, guys. I have a critter report right off the bat. Uh my critter report is we have two college graduates in the chat.

SPEAKER_08 1:03

I am a critter.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Yeah. A college critter, one could say.

SPEAKER_08 1:07

College critter.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

Wait, you graduated too, Catherine?

SPEAKER_08 1:10

Congrats. Thanks. Yeah, you too.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Uh Catherine and Candon both graduated. Yeah, I graduated on the 30th. My graduation was very fun. I had a great time. That's good.

SPEAKER_08 1:19

Mine was pretty decent. It was a long day, but it was good. It was good. Good time. Nice. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Uh, in terms of like regular uh critters, today I saw the Hanses, because I went with Megan to go feed the horses. And uh What else did you see? Yeah, I saw you, Isaiah. You drove by. That was crazy. Uh, does anybody else have a critter report? I have one, and I actually have a good one this time. I'm excited.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

A good critter report from D, unheard of. So when I was working in other post office, I think yesterday, across the street at the little grocery store, someone rode their horse over, and it was cool. Oh, that is actually so nice. And I wanted to go pet it. I love it. I wanted to go pet it so bad, but I couldn't leave the post office because they hate me.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

That's awesome. The male fantasy to like ride a horse up to a place and then tie the horse off at the entrance and then walk in and collapse from my injuries. Yeah, not just a male fantasy.

SPEAKER_05 2:14

I was gonna say it's sexist.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Hey, you know what? Thank you for calling me out on that. You're right. You're right, you're right.

SPEAKER_08 2:19

No, it's happening sin.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

That's a fantasy for all.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

For me.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

The human fantasy.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

Oh, on a sad note.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

Oh no. My girlfriend's dog died this morning. Jesus, this morning? Yep. R.I.P. Sally in the chat.

SPEAKER_04 2:35

That's awful. Damn. R.I.P. Sally. R.I.P.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Rip Sally. R.I.P. Sally in the trap. Comment F in the down below, guys, to pay your respects.

SPEAKER_05 2:43

You made light of that dog's death, and I don't like either.

SPEAKER_08 2:47

I don't think so. I think that's appropriate.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

F's in the chat.

SPEAKER_08 2:52

My friend Sarah and Billy just got a puppy today. Her name is Clover.

SPEAKER_05 2:59

Do you think Clover is Sally reincarnated? Most likely. Most likely.

SPEAKER_08 3:03

It's possible. Like, I mean, Sally was born a little bit ago, but yeah, it's possible.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

I mean, Clover, goddamn it. If they're really like sweet and like really cuddly, that's Sally reincarnated for real.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

She seems really sweet. I mean, they just got her, but this goes to show that if if God opens a door, he might kill your dog. Oh my god. Alright, does anybody else have a critter report?

SPEAKER_08 3:27

Oh, I did see a duck in a pool today. That was nice.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

That's the best place for them.

SPEAKER_08 3:32

Jacob saw that. Jacob saw it too.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

To be fair, we also seen a a bird washing itself in the little road crack too.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

That was so cute.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

It's adorable. Yeah. And a little bit of rainwater, you know.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

It turns out there are critters all around us. And that is that is a critter to report.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

That's what the government wants you to think, John.

SPEAKER_05 3:52

My critter report is I was coming back from concert in Wichita, Kansas, which is a terrible place. Don't go there unless you have to. That's cool.

SPEAKER_08 4:01

Wichita is such a fun name, though.

SPEAKER_05 4:03

It is a fun name. You say it on an accent, a Wichita. Wichita.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Came on up from Wichitao.

SPEAKER_05 4:10

I was coming back and I almost made it into my town with no incidents, and but I ran over a bunny. And it was absolutely super sad. I've never actually killed an animal on the road until then. And I covered my my mouth with my hand. Because it was just a big it was really sad.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

What animal did you hit?

SPEAKER_05 4:30

It was a bunny.

SPEAKER_02 4:31

Oh. I thought you hit my dog.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

I was about to say it was you. You did this.

SPEAKER_08 4:36

That would be absolutely tragic.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

As it would turn out, if God opens a door, Isaiah will kill your dog.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

I'd be like, what the fuck? Actually, we do know the person that killed uh the dog. So we will be taking Swift Revenge, John Wick style. Oh. That motherfucker's dying tonight. Yeah. I'm thinking I'm back.

SPEAKER_08 4:55

I thought she might have died from natural causes. That's just devastating.

SPEAKER_02 4:59

Yeah, I think I'm back.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

That that was him with more of a southern accent. I'm not gonna lie, you kind of sound like you're trying to sell me like an F-150. This would feel like a 4F or something like Drum R. This is how it feels to chew five gum. It would feel like to chew F-150.

SPEAKER_02 5:18

Four F-150.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

We are for our audience at home, we are working on a homebrew TTRPG combat system to replace Mouse Ritter with. We do like Mouse Ritter, but we want something with a little bit more depth and a little bit more options as we're moving forward. Uh I just want to let everybody know every episode. And I want to also say this when it's all done. I'm gonna release a breakdown of the system full-free on the Patreon. So you can look out for the dare. I'm also gonna probably post about it on the YouTube channel Rance Fans Animations, which is our YouTube channel where we also post animations of this podcast. Right now I'm still working on literally from episode two, but I'm trying to get like all of the major plot beats and animate them. So the best animation on YouTube. That's debatable.

SPEAKER_08 5:59

It really might be the That's 100% true.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

That's that's very kind of you guys. I could not disagree more. Uh guys, I have a first date question for all of you. And this one I did not give you a lot of heads up on, so I expect big things. What notable items does your character have on their bucket list? Ooh. This was on my mind because I think I that a character might die today. Oh my god. Uh, but we'll see what happens. I don't know. I'm afraid it's Desica. Only the dice can tell.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Do you mean like an item or like a task?

SPEAKER_00 6:32

A task. I mean, I just put item as like a it's just a quirky little say way to say it, you know. But uh I'm I'm I'm more thinking like what what's on your bucket list that's worth sharing? You know what I mean? Like what what's on there that that your character Yeah, don't share any stupid fucking answers.

SPEAKER_08 6:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:47

I was gonna say, don't share the stupid answer. There's a skill ceiling here. There is, yeah, for sure. There's levels to this shit. Uh Catherine, I'll have you go ahead and go first if you're ready.

SPEAKER_08 6:56

I'm prepared, okay. Hell yeah. That's when you have to know under pressure. I'm I don't crack, okay? I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_00 7:03

Hey, I'm Catherine, number 62. I do not crack under pressure.

SPEAKER_07 7:08

I'm Dick Businessman. I'm Dick Businessman.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

Catherine, that's crazy because I just yesterday put in our toma toma Tomadochi Island Tomodachi. You know what I'm trying to say. Tomodachi Island. I put Dick Businessman in as a they one of the mees asked me, like, who's the greatest villain of all time? I was like, Dick Businessman.

SPEAKER_08 7:26

That's so funny. Now he's gonna be a topic of conversation forever. Um okay, I'm Catherine. I play Roz Schumann or Roz, Rosalind, Rosie. Whatever. She doesn't really go by Rosie. But on Roz's bucket lists are a few things. And I'm I feel like it's worth it to say that some things rotate, you know, like a little revolving door, some stay on, some go off. But uh these ones kind of remain steady. So at the top of the list, bass jumping, okay? Whoa. Yeah, which is insane because Raz, if you guys know, is not really a risk taker. Okay. She kind of is like sticks to the safest plan. But um, you know, it's it's your bucket list. You gotta try something before you die, right? So bass jumping. Yeah. She wants to learn to play the sitar, which is sweet. She just thinks that's a sweet instrument.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

It's a g it's it's got some wine on it, dude, and I love it. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Who's who's her favorite sitar player?

SPEAKER_08 8:25

Um, that's a great question. I don't think that she knows any favorite sitar player. Jacob, okay. I can I'm gonna need to come back around to that. But Jacob does this all the time. We got into a conversation about how uh like I was like, bagpipes are a sexier instrument than the guitar. Okay. I said it. It's controversial, but I did say it. And he was like, oh yeah, who's your favorite bagpipe player? And I couldn't make one, obviously. And he was like, You're fake. You're like, this happens with everything I do. He got you though.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

I did, I got again, dude. He did get you. Hey, listen, the bagpipe guy has insane breath control, and that's all I'll say.

SPEAKER_08 9:06

That's what I'm saying. Like, it's sweet, like it's way more impressive if you know how to play the bagpipe. Are you sure dude? Anyway, it's like a fluke.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

I just feel like you can't make you can't make playing bagpipe safety. I think you can.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

I think you can. I've seen people do it.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Okay, maybe you couldn't, but I think you can, but to say it's more difficult than a guitar.

SPEAKER_02 9:25

I feel like a guitar you can do like this. One do oh, you know, like and then with a bagpipe, with a bagpipe, you're essentially doing this shit. You're like, uh huh.

SPEAKER_03 9:37

You know, like and teaching sexy bagpipe players, and they make that shit sensual as fuck.

SPEAKER_08 9:43

Thank you. Thank you, D. My TikTok gets crazy.

SPEAKER_00 9:48

No, Undy. Dude, that kilt is easy access.

SPEAKER_08 9:52

Listen, let me finish this list, okay?

SPEAKER_00 9:54

Sorry, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 9:55

The last thing on Roz's list is to ride the train with a handsome stranger like they did in Anastasia.

SPEAKER_05 10:03

That's fucking fantastic.

SPEAKER_08 10:04

Somebody looking like Dimitri's ass.

SPEAKER_00 10:06

Brilliant. That's really cool. Uh, Isaiah. Yep. I'm Isaiah. I play Gail. Because Gail got on her bucket list.

SPEAKER_05 10:14

If the dungeon master was shut the fuck up, I would get. I think that Gail's one of those people who think that going up to Mount Everest is like the stupidest, most insane thing that you could do. It's just like it's got no upsides. You've got to be crazy to do it. But she also understands that being a little bit crazy is kind of the the salt of being alive. You gotta have a little bit of crazy. As Joey Diaz would say, you gotta lose something. You gotta do something. You can't do enough. So Gail would say she wants to go to Mount Everest to find that someday, which means that she wants to tackle those top ten in order. Um she hasn't gotten around to it yet, though.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

That's pretty sick.

SPEAKER_03 11:00

That's the end of the episode. D. You're up next. I'm D. I play Dan. Fucking got your ass. That's the end of the episode. Uh I play Dan. Dan's not a super crazy guy, I like to think. And I think the biggest thing on his bucket list would definitely just visit as many waterfalls in the world as he can. Just travel the world checking out waterfalls. It's not brand for him. Maybe even go over one, like a small one.

SPEAKER_08 11:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

Like cliff jumping. Yeah. Cliff jumping at a waterfall? Into the water, or like with a bungee. Into the water. Or a bungee. Either one. Either one is on the table. The same table of salt that Gail's scared of. No kidding. Huh?

SPEAKER_00 11:40

Could not be me. I'm too scared of jumping off a big thing.

SPEAKER_08 11:44

But John, if you were dying and like you were guaranteed death soon, you know what I mean? Like, and you had your affairs in order. I mean, not that we aren't all guaranteed death, but like I'm pretty sure I'm gonna live forever, actually.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Oh, my bad. Just based on how life has gone so far.

SPEAKER_02 11:57

I'm actually functionally immortal.

SPEAKER_05 11:59

Does have no evidence, you know, suggest that he's one of those people who dies.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

It's kind of pointing. I was alive yesterday and I was alive all of today, so I feel like this will probably just keep happening. Pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 12:11

Pretty good chance of that. Don't really riding this one out.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

Uh, D, that's probably one of Dan's most wholesome, wholesome ones, I think.

SPEAKER_08 12:19

Wait, you don't take walks in the dark and running across a frozen lake? You don't take those? No, I maybe not.

SPEAKER_03 12:25

Those were already on the bucket list, and those were achieved. He's gotta he's gotta get bigger and crazier.

SPEAKER_08 12:30

Damn.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

It's just that waterfalls are the only thing left.

SPEAKER_03 12:34

That's very important. Listen, if someone happens to be there, Dan's pushing them off, too. That's uh we're gonna talk that on the dark bucket list of things to do.

SPEAKER_08 12:42

I love the implications of a dark bucket list.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

Dark bucket list, aka FBI watch list.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

His dark bucket list starts with stare into the eyes of a dying stranger. Oh my god. As life drains from their taste a human soul. Uh, Candon, go ahead. All right, so I played Jack, and his four items on his bucket list are number one, to make sure that no more billionaires come into power. It's very like a big goal, but you know, he he feels he's got confidence in himself. He knows he can achieve it. So then his second is to make sure that he writes at least enough to fill an entire house. And then his third is a little bit more like risky. He wants to go to Amsterdam because he doesn't know what a red light district is, so he thinks that it's a car show. So he's he wants so he he will say, I want to go to a red light district in Amsterdam, and then they will look at him like he's a fucking idiot, and then he'll be like, you know, just to see the cars. That we like, that we're like, this guy's stupid.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Candon, Candon, do you want to go to the red light district? Yes, I do with you, baby girl.

SPEAKER_02 13:59

Me and you put it together.

SPEAKER_08 14:02

Yeah, we'll see if he's got time or if he's allowed, okay?

SPEAKER_02 14:05

If he's allowed. His last his last thing is to skydive.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

Perfect. Yeah. Skydive into the red light district of Amsterdam. All right. Okay. Jacob. It's your turn.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Hello. I think I think I think Samuel's life goal. I think he would like to find like true love. And I think he would I think he would like to experience the red wood forest.

SPEAKER_08 14:29

That's cute.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

The red light forest. I would like to do that too. I have actually been into the red woods in real life. Uh no, it was it was cool. It's very cool. You drive a car through a little like tunnel made out of a out of a tree. That's fucking sweet. Yeah, that's super sick. But that's a good one. Also wholesome. Alright, guys. Now it's time for me. Uh I have honestly, I have almost no bucket lists at this point. Uh he's given up entirely. Can't think of anything off the top of my head outside of I would like to go to Alaska. I'll take you to Alaska, baby girl. You'll take me and hold me so I stay warm. Guys, in the last episode, so many things happened that are worth bringing up. Your heist began. Holy shit. Uh but before that, you guys stopped by Ally the Alchemist's to get a potion to protect Dan from the extreme heat of the furnace, which he skydived into with his armor of flight, carrying a transformed Stessica and Samuel in his pocket. They were transformed into like little items so they could fit in his pocket. Meanwhile, Roz and Jack sprung a distraction, allowing Gail to sneak in through the front and collect a clump of the king's fur to be able to disable the traps to enter his room. Then you heard heavy footsteps coming from the king's room, as in Gail and Dan did. As those those footsteps were passing on the other side of this square hall that you could walk in circles around forever, Stasica began seizing in Dan's pocket, touching both Dan and Samuel at once, knocking them both unconscious with her. While Dan passed the deck save to fall quietly, the individual making those heavy footstep sounds has yet to get a roll to see if they have heard something. So without further ado, we're gonna do a will save for the ages. So D. Basically, what that deck save that you made to fall quietly did was it gives you one of two options. This creature is either going to make this will save at disadvantage, or it's going to add a penalty dice of a d6. Between those two, what would you like to enforce upon him?

SPEAKER_07 16:32

Or who it is.

SPEAKER_03 16:35

So you said either a penalty or what was the first one? I've already forgotten.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Disadvantage or a penalty. So for the penalty, I will roll a d20, and then I will roll a d6 and add the d6 to the d20. And for the four, it'll just roll twice and take the higher of the two.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

I mean the penalty sounds kind of interesting, and I really want to do b- I don't know. I think I'm gonna go with the penalty just because it sounds more interesting.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

Alright.

SPEAKER_04 16:57

Good reason to do so.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

I am now rolling the dice. So, Gail, uh, right in front of you, Dan has collapsed and he is seizing. Okay? And you managed to just barely dodge out of the way. That was some of the last rolls last time, but you guys are both still invisible, and you hear the footsteps that are passing through, passing through towards the exit of the halls stop. Uh-huh. What would you like to do at this instant?

SPEAKER_05 17:22

Am I invisible still?

SPEAKER_00 17:23

You are invisible still.

SPEAKER_05 17:24

I would just freeze instinctively.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

Okay. You're gonna freeze. As you freeze, you hear the footsteps shift directions and slowly start cautiously walking towards the hallway that that you are down. So basically, once again, explaining this for our audience at home, this is a hallway system that is basically like a big square. So theoretically, you could walk in circles inside of this square or walk in squares forever. But the king was at what you could call like the north side of this hallway. Who was there? Fuck. The mystery person who may or may not be the king. Was coming from the east, headed west in the northmost hallway. And in the southmost hallway, about halfway down, halfway through this hallway, is Dan and Gail and Samuel and Stassica. And you hear the footsteps stop at the corner of the northwest part of this square, and then it starts heading south towards you. Would you like to do anything, or you just stay in frozen?

SPEAKER_05 18:23

I might slowly back up. Okay. Like in sync with the footsteps. Ooh.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Genius. Okay, I'm I'm not even gonna make you roll for that because I feel like it's a creative idea, and also you're invisible, so I feel like you are pretty good. Appreciate you. Walking around the corner far enough away that you can't quite detect specific details of his face. Or hers. You see a very large to you fox, and you would recognize this as the fox king. Gail, would you make an advantage will save?

SPEAKER_05 18:52

Yeah, I would.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

Thanks. I make that deal. I don't know what I would have done if you said no. Four. Four? Okay. As soon as he steps around the corner, a horrendous smell fills your nose of the smell of rotting flesh.

SPEAKER_07 19:09

What the fuck? Oh no, dude. No, what?

SPEAKER_05 19:14

Oh goodness.

SPEAKER_07 19:15

This is not good.

SPEAKER_05 19:16

Okay. Alright, I take that information and continue with what I was doing. While pinching my nose. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

The king is. He passes uh the corner and he's fully in this hallway now, and he is sniffing, and you can hear him like audibly sniffing. And he kind of shakes his fur a little bit, which wafts the smell, and you see a little bit of King's fur also fall off of him. He turns back towards the entrance to to the north and reaches to his belt and pulls off a Rocky talkie and says, Where are my guards? And you don't hear any response because the Rocky Talkies speak directly into the brain. Then he says, Come back immediately! There are people in here slaughtering servants. And with a horrid speed, he takes off running down the halls.

SPEAKER_05 20:08

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Gail, what would you like to do now?

SPEAKER_08 20:12

No lie, John. You're freaking me the fuck out with this.

SPEAKER_05 20:14

Not gonna lie either. That's fucking scary.

SPEAKER_08 20:17

Like genuinely terrified.

SPEAKER_05 20:19

Yeah, that's good. No, don't Okay, Gil would like kind of breathe for a second. Can I still smell it? Just like you.

SPEAKER_00 20:27

Yeah, it's lingering for sure.

SPEAKER_05 20:28

Oh, gross. Okay, so as the audience knows, somebody here fell asleep last session. And mayor may not have been me, so did someone did Kingsfur get picked up last time? I don't I missed it even more. Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

You have Kingsfur and Dan and Stessica both knew the code, and I feel like they would have just told you the code. Okay. So I will tell you the code once, and you're just gonna have to remember it. It is 3400. 3400, yes, thanks. 3400. Catherine had it better than me. So you have everything to be able to get into the King's Quarters, should you so decide.

SPEAKER_05 21:00

Nevertheless, I would like to pick up this this fur.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Okay, yeah, absolutely. I will tell you that it looks very similar to the fur you have picked up at other locations. So you rush back and you pick up that fur, and as you do, you start hearing uh screaming in other spots of the castle. You can hear echoing screaming.

SPEAKER_05 21:18

Are we talking like battle cry or are we talking like screeching like they're being their guts are being ripped out?

SPEAKER_00 21:23

You are hearing screeching of horror. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 21:26

Uh okay, I'll speak into the mic. Like, does anybody does anybody hear that screaming? Is is what's going on?

SPEAKER_08 21:32

Sh I'm not in the castle. I don't hear anything, but uh Gail screaming doesn't sound good. I'd get out of there as soon as you can. Over.

SPEAKER_05 21:42

It's like blood curdling, like there's some sort of horrifying slaughter taking place.

SPEAKER_08 21:47

Oh god. Sh yeah, that sounds really bad. And you're freaking me out. Please get out of there. Over.

SPEAKER_05 21:55

Okay, John, what am I hearing right now? The screams continuing?

SPEAKER_00 21:58

The screams persist as well. What I will say. Oh god!

SPEAKER_01 22:03

They're not dead yet?

SPEAKER_08 22:05

Just give up. Gail, are you still invisible over?

SPEAKER_05 22:10

Uh yeah, yeah, I am invisible over. Do you know how long that's gonna last? I I recall in my memory how long it has been since I cast my one hour invisibility spell.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

You are about 20 minutes in. So you got you got quite a bit of time.

SPEAKER_05 22:26

I'm bitching, babe.

unknown 22:28

Over.

SPEAKER_08 22:30

Um, well, if you can, maybe maybe go check it out. But please be careful. Please be careful. Over.

SPEAKER_05 22:39

I like how you went from get out of there to go check it out that quickly.

SPEAKER_08 22:43

Well, I'm like thinking what would be best. Like, we need information.

SPEAKER_05 22:48

We do.

SPEAKER_08 22:49

We need information. But but what are we gonna do? Just not go check it out. You're invisible. I mean, what are the chances, you know, that somebody can see through your invisibility spell? That's just me, Catherine, to you, Isaiah.

SPEAKER_05 23:00

The most upsetting thing about what's just happened is that John like jumped out of his seat when I said I was gonna continue. He's okay. I'm just don't like that.

SPEAKER_08 23:11

I am I am uh Okay, but he did preface this episode about somebody's gonna die, so maybe don't do it.

SPEAKER_05 23:18

Remind me where we're trying to go. Because I know I'm not trying to go where we're trying to go.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

We were so the King's quarters are uh where you were attempting to go to be able to find a code somewhere in there of two words. The first one is six letters long, the second one is seven letters long. Yes. Remember that for a specific reason. Uh and then peanut butter.

unknown 23:41

What?

SPEAKER_07 23:44

Peanut butter?

SPEAKER_00 23:45

Damn it, he's cracked the code.

SPEAKER_07 23:49

How did he know? So funny.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

Okay. So that's in the king's quarters. If you want to head back towards where you kind of came from to where the screaming is coming from, uh, that would be towards the exit.

SPEAKER_05 24:00

Okay, the king sprinted off in the direction that screaming is happening in. I think his king's quarters are open. Which one should I go for over?

SPEAKER_08 24:06

Fuck. It's just me, huh?

SPEAKER_05 24:09

It's just you.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

Oh my god. Yeah, the other person who has a Rocky talkie is Headard and Dan. Oh wait, Headard would probably chime up. Um, what the fuck is going on? I'm standing outside the gates. It looks like there were two guards. The king rushed up, closed the doors, and then ran back in, I assume. I don't know. What the hell is going on?

SPEAKER_05 24:27

Okay, everything I know is the king started walking out in my direction, trying to sniff out those footprints. Or like my footsteps, smelling rancid, like a a desecrated corpse. And then suddenly, like, he he called in for reinforcement saying that there was somebody slaughtering servants and sprinted off with speed I've never seen before. In the direction that screams are not following. Over.

unknown 24:53

Fuck.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

Okay. Um that is not good. Over. I don't know if you're gonna get another chance at this. You could try the king's king's pass, but uh I'm the king's quarters, but be fucking careful. I'll see what I can do with some wooden golems in the area. I don't I don't have any eyes in there at the moment.

SPEAKER_08 25:11

Does this mean, Header, that you weren't even able to get a meeting with the king?

SPEAKER_00 25:15

I hadn't even gotten the signal to yet. You guys hadn't given me a signal to it, and then also you guys were getting chased by guards, and also you're currently being chased by guards. Also.

SPEAKER_08 25:23

So Yeah, I probably should be a little bit more out of breath. You're right. DM.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

We'll get to that.

SPEAKER_08 25:31

I'm like carrying Jeremy flying away, like totally fine. That's true, yeah. Um, hold on, let me think. Well, if the king's quarters are unguarded, I feel like maybe we should continue with the regular mission. But like curiosity has the cat, you guys. I really want to know what's going on with the screaming.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

It's up to you, Gail. It's your call. You're the one at risk.

SPEAKER_05 25:56

Alright, I'll see if I can I'll see if I can do both. I'm gonna go for the the king's quarters first, and I'm gonna be in like a full sprint.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

Nice. The screams cover your passageway, um, so you don't have to worry about that. Uh, as you approach the hallway uh that is at the the northeastmost corner of this square hallway system, there is a long, about like 50-foot-long passageway of hallway, and there are little sensors that detect the king's fur as you pass through them. They light up and then beep to a green color. And then you reach this door, and on it there is a human-sized keypad where you can input the code. Basically, like the whole door is like a human-sized keypad.

SPEAKER_04 26:40

Gotcha. Okay. Um, I guess I'll go for the code. Okay. Pretty straightforward. Uh, do you remember what the code is? 3400. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

You input the code, the door opens. You step inside, and what you find might be surprising to you because the rest of the palace is very fancy, very laden with detail in gold and luxuries. This room is a giant rectangular room that is pretty much exclusively for cement walls, a stairway system leading up to three different platforms. On the first one, it seems to be just an empty platform with some hay scattered about, at it, some scraps of food left over. The second platform up appears to have meat hooks hanging uh above it with uh caked blood. And at the third platform, it is a bit too high for you to see what is on the platform itself, but there is a single painting of the King Ferdinand that uh hangs from the wall. Other than that, the room smells horridly of rotten flesh and it is overwhelming. What would you like to do?

SPEAKER_05 27:51

Um I would like to investigate those meat hooks first and foremost.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

Alright, so you walk up on past the first platform, which is, like I said, covered in hay and scraps of old food that are rotten, so that adds to the disgusting smell, and you make it up to that second platform. Uh, essentially what you see is a lever and magical runes on the floor of this platform, meat hooks hanging from the ceiling that are covered in caked blood.

SPEAKER_05 28:22

Hmm. Okay. What what uh fuck, that's spooky as shit. I guess I want to just Yeah, it's upsetting. I wanna proceed and try and find my uh my object. I'll just turn the whole room over.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Would you go ahead and give me a will save, please? Fifteen. Damn. Okay, fifteen. Uh you search the room and you make it up to the third platform, and you can't quite find anything, but I will tell you what you see on the third platform is a uh a chair um that is facing that painting, and it is super gross, but at one time was probably a very expensive luxury chair. And it is sitting facing the painting.

SPEAKER_05 29:10

Uh I want to investigate that, please.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

The chair smells really bad and it is disgusting. Um that's kind of the gist of what you find with the chair.

SPEAKER_08 29:18

The theme of this room, I think.

SPEAKER_00 29:20

Uh, would you give me one more just straight will save uh for looking through this room? 17. 17, no dice. Below at the ground level, you hear a familiar, terrified voice of an Italian cook moving towards the room. Clambering in is that same cook that you saw in the kitchen uh just a few minutes earlier.

SPEAKER_06 29:47

Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 29:47

Um, in the past session, and he is help, help me! And he trips and falls, and you hear thunderous approaching footsteps of this giant fox king moving at a terrifying speed as it pounces on this man and claws eject out of the paws and slowly dig into his back.

SPEAKER_05 30:09

My god. Oh my god, okay.

SPEAKER_00 30:12

Uh with that, I would like to now cut to uh what Samuel and D see after uh being touched by Stessica's seizureness. Samuel and Dan. You guys feel an immediate tension in your stomach, a heat in the back of your neck. Stessica's leg is bobbing up and down nervously, her breath barely contained. The visuals of the memory fade in. Warm lighting from the fire-shaped light bulbs crest and fancy lights hanging on the walls. Yellow wallpaper covered in white decal lines the room you are in. The leather of the couch you were sitting on is white, and you can tell it's quite expensive. But not as expensive as the handcrafted wooden chair that is across from Stessica that her mother sits in. She has a earnest, concerned look on her face. You feel Stessica is powerless, and you hear her mother speak. Stessica, I don't want to keep having this conversation with you. Your father and I don't understand what could possibly be wrong with this boy. He's kind, handsome, successful. I just cannot fathom what the issue is. Stessica's face becomes flush, and she blinks rapidly, attempting to hold in her tears. She speaks in a sheepish tone, attempting to remain respectful for no reason other than to keep things from escalating. I I I don't know. I d I just don't know if he's right for me. Of course he is, Stessica. I don't know what you expect to come your way. You aren't in particularly pretty, you're not athletic, y you you are prideful, not wanting to fit your role as the woman of a household. You have so much attitude for no reason. You've utterly embarrassed your father at this point. What what do you think is going to happen? It's an earnest miracle that this one wants you. Jessica goes nonverbal, looking down. What? Desica lets a single tear uh escape her from her eye. Respond to your mother without looking up, she forces the words out. You're right, I'm just an overthinker, that's all. Her mother switches gears to appear sweeter. You really look wonderful together. It's the talk of the town. People tell me all the time how happy you look with him. Yes. Why don't you go out with your sisters for a bit? Take a girl's night out. Okay. The rest of the memories are not quite so detailed as this. You see flashes of this guy they're talking about, Jake, uh, going to fancy parties where business deals are made, golf days that drag on for hours, where she is paraded around, feeling more like an accessory, boosting Jake's importance, not a person. You see them sleeping together, how her heart begs for it to be over soon every time. She pretends to be thrilled afterwards as to not hurt his feelings. Then he appears in her life. Samuel. He's dating Stessica's sister, Jessica. Their parents are not pleased with him, but for some reason, Jessica was just always better at standing her ground than Stessica was. He wasn't like most others she'd been around. He was polite, gentle, and funny. So so funny. More than anything, he talked to her like a person and not a thing. Things stopped being quite so good between Jessica and Samuel. Jessica missed the benefits of dating rich boys and dumped him. Uh, the last time that Stessica saw him, before the place between was at a dinner party. Samuel was there as a plus one of a mutual friend. They both ended up outside of her parents' mansion, sitting on the balcony overlooking the garden and the pool. They both unwinded and opened up about how things were going. Stessica could be herself. She decided in that moment to end things with Jake. A piece unlike any other grows in all of your chests as you witness her make this decision. That was until the toast for the night, where on one knee, in front of everyone Stessica was afraid of, Jake asked a damning question. Will you marry me? Two parts of Stessica battled within, one part desk desperately pleading and clawing no, and the other, the part that covered her mouth and squealed, that smiled despite there being no joy anywhere in her body, the part that said yes in front of everyone that would hold her to it, won out. The months that followed are a blurter, a wedding, a honeymoon, a new job she threw herself into. She stopped feeling and thinking about it, just living in each moment as distracted as she could. That was until she got a raise at her new job. She uh now got paid more than Jake, and his soft ego could no longer handle it, and he told her to quit where it was over. Her mother and father had obvious thoughts, um, and Stessica took a trip to get away and ponder these things, landing her at a breakup camp in Michigan, where she had hoped to find some form of an answer. Uh and with that, Dan and Samuel, you guys both come to hearing screaming in the distance. You're a little disoriented having just experienced all that, but you guys wake up hearing screaming in the distance, and you hear an Italian chef uh running through those halls towards the king's quarters. Uh, Dan and Samuel, what would you guys like to do? Stetsica is currently uh she gets up and you hear her crawl out of your pocket, Dan, and uh you hear her transform out of being a pen and she is hyperventilating. Just oh fuck, fuck. Oh god. Samuel, get out of here, dude.

SPEAKER_03 35:51

You gotta console her.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

Am I still an object? You are still an object unless you choose to switch.

SPEAKER_08 35:56

Me on like a regular day.

SPEAKER_01 36:02

Um okay. Okay. Samuel's gonna go to his his normal form.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

He's gonna get like uh, you know, he's gonna like wrap himself around her and be like, it's okay, but we're like, we have to be quiet.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

I would like you to roll a will safe, please, Jacob.

SPEAKER_01 36:16

I got an 18.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

So she is not gonna get advantage on her own will safe to try to pull it together. And she manages to uh deep breaths, take it all in and and be able to quiet herself down. And she's like, I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here, we need to get me out of here.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

Is can like Samuel Samuel's gonna shoot Dan like a sharp look and be like, should I teleport us out of here?

SPEAKER_03 36:36

Yeah, you guys get out of here. I'm still invisible, so I can finish what we got to do here. Are you sure? I don't I don't want to leave you, Dan. I'll be fine, don't worry, I got it. Get out of here. And Dan will kind of give like a knowing look over to Steska, like, I get it. Okay, damn.

SPEAKER_00 36:49

All right. She gives a a a sad, I'm sorry, look, even though I think I mean you're invisible, but I feel like you sent the vibes, you know what I mean? Oh I forgot. So she catches the vibes of this. Okay, so I'm gonna teleport uh me and Stesska out of here. Okay, could you roll two D6, please, and tell me each one individually?

SPEAKER_01 37:07

I got a two, uh a five.

SPEAKER_00 37:10

Okay, so you use one of the two uses of teleport, so you still have one left, and you teleport you and Stessica. Are you using the full 20 feet? Are you trying to get as far away as possible? And then are you headed northwest, east, or south? Or some variation of such?

SPEAKER_01 37:25

I feel I should do the full distance I can to make as much space because I don't know how long she's gonna be going through this.

SPEAKER_00 37:35

Okay. So you teleport out and uh you could you roll a luck save, please? So just a d20. And your luck stat I will tell you is currently 15. I don't know if it's anywhere on your sheet. So you have to get below a 15.

SPEAKER_01 37:49

I got an 18.

unknown 37:51

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 37:52

You and Stessica both disappear from the castle and reappear in an undisclosed location that I will share in a minute. D, you hear the king pouncing through the hallways after the screaming uh chef headed into the king's quarters. What would you like to do?

SPEAKER_03 38:09

Uh I would radio in. Like, uh, sorry, I was out for a bit. What happened? What's going on? Why is the king chasing around the servants?

SPEAKER_05 38:17

It just it just happened suddenly. He was he was acting, I don't know, deranged when I saw him, and then he just was gone almost instantaneously, and and now he's slaughtering people. God, what is wrong with the people here? Okay, did you find the password? I'm I'm in the the king's chambers right now, as we speak, and it's disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 38:41

There's rotten food and meat hooks with dried blood all over it. I I don't even know what it looks like. That's disgusting. I hate that you told me that. Please look for the password so we can get the hell out of here. Okay, I'll I'll look harder. Thank you. Let's see. Is there any fur that I might be able to grab like off the ground that he left?

SPEAKER_00 38:57

Uh there is some fur over where he was standing, but you Oh, you're trying to go to the King's Quarters as well, huh?

SPEAKER_03 39:04

Yeah, I was gonna go help look. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

Yep, you could go grab that fur. Absolutely. Okay. There is fur in the southwest corner of this hallway.

SPEAKER_03 39:12

Okay, so I'd sneak my way over there, grab a cup grab a little bit of it, and head towards the king's quarters.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

Well, you see the back end of the horrifying visage of what is happening to this poor cook, uh, as the king, after spending some time clawing at this this poor critter, he puts his teeth around his head and bites down. And upon looking up, he says loudly, You're next out into this room. The room I'm in. Yes. You are behind him currently. Gail is up on the platform, but you don't know that because she's invisible as well. Oh, so we're all in the king's quarters now. Yes. You make it through to the king's quarters, the door was open, and as he screams, you're next, he looks around the room briefly, and then he is going to rapidly turn around and start sprinting back towards the hallway. Almost directly towards you, D. Uh, please make a deck save for me.

SPEAKER_03 40:09

Okay, I was gonna say, I wanna dive the head. Where did my D2 one go? It was right here in front of my stupid face. Okay. Dan's gonna dive out of the way.

SPEAKER_08 40:15

It's a smart face.

SPEAKER_03 40:16

Dan's gonna get ran the fuck over. I rolled a 17.

SPEAKER_00 40:19

Roll a 17. It's as if a train hits you. You are going to go ahead and take. Uh, Dan, you take six damage. Uh oh. And you are tumbled over, and the king stops in his strikes. I do not know if you guys know about the spell um invisibility. When casting with this variation of the spell, guys, after taking damage from an attack, invisibility is dropped. So, Dan, as you are rolling across the ground, you uh become visible once again, and the king locks eyes with you. And with that, we're gonna come back out to the street where the chase is being that's taking place with the guards. Alright, zooming out of the castle as tension builds in there, uh, we zoom back in on Roz and Jack and Jeremy as they flee from a bunch of guards. You guys have just yapped a bunch on your uh on your Rocky Talkies as you're running, and now we're getting into a little chasing mini game I made.

SPEAKER_08 41:19

Oh no. I'm locked.

SPEAKER_00 41:21

Okay, let me explain how this is gonna work. For the audience at home, there are a series of 10 squares, each one assigned a number between three and twelve. On the ten number is Jeremy and Roz, because Raz got a little bit ahead of everybody by flapping and flying for a little bit, passing a really clutch strength save. And Jack is one square behind her. And this red dot behind you guys is the guards chasing you. This is going to be a turn-based thing starting with Roz and Jeremy. Basically, you guys have a few uh chase actions you get to do. The first is a sprint, which is just move two spaces after completing it, succeeding at a deck save. The next is attempt to create a blockade of but that you can describe, whether that be toppling over boxes that you can see, something like that to try to block the passage. You can cast a spell, you can attack, and you can turn. Turning is good because every other round that we go in this chase sequence, I'm going to roll a D12. And on a 3 through 12, a guard will appear there from somewhere else in the city. Oh god. So this can block you guys off, and if you use a turn, you will move one square, you will put all of the guards back behind you again, but they will move one spot closer to you. But you can take any other action and move one square. You guys' goal is to get three squares ahead of the guards to be able to hide.

SPEAKER_08 42:48

Okay. In order to hide and to stop running?

SPEAKER_00 42:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 42:52

First thing I'm gonna do is barricade, blockade.

SPEAKER_00 42:56

Yeah, you okay, so what's gonna happen is you are going to move one square. Uh, if you can explain to me how you can use one of your other stats to be able to do, like, create a blockade. I let you use another stat because I know your strength isn't very good. Alternatively, if you're trying to just knock some boxes over, it would probably be an advantage strength save. What's around me? Boxes? Uh I would say you're running past a couple of bougie restaurants down a single wide road, and it is the fancy area of this city. So uh you do see some food boxes, you see some tables, you see some fenced in sitting areas, stuff like that. And know also that you're at the front of the pack. If you make a blockade, then Jack and Jeremy are gonna have to get past it as well.

SPEAKER_08 43:38

Okay, that's fine. I have an idea. They got them little fancy tables with the umbrella sticking up out of them.

SPEAKER_00 43:43

Oh hell yeah, they do.

SPEAKER_08 43:44

Yeah, I figured they did. Um, alright, so I'm gonna wait just a beat. Let let the let the two run past me. Okay. And then I am going to No. Let me ask you a question. When I use healing bolt, does a physical form of lightning appear? It sure does, yeah. It does. It like ma and no matter what it hits, it still it still makes contact.

SPEAKER_00 44:15

Yes, it does.

SPEAKER_08 44:16

So I'm gonna do that to one of those little tables with the umbrella. Okay?

SPEAKER_00 44:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 44:21

Okay. But what I'm gonna do is kinda I'm gonna pick up a rock. Okay? Okay. In in in passing. I'm gonna pick up a rock, throw it like underneath one of the table legs, in order to move it, it's like gotta be kind of a sizable rock, like a brick, basically. Okay? Okay. Um I'm like really banking on the fact that the tables are not that well built. Alright. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna use my strength to throw the rock. Okay. Use healing bolt on the rock and on the table in order to make the table fall over with the umbrella to make a blockade.

SPEAKER_00 44:54

Okay. So I feel like that's gonna be a couple turns.

SPEAKER_08 44:56

That's fine. I just wanted you to know my plan.

SPEAKER_05 44:59

Wouldn't the rock just do the trick? If you just threw a rock at the table.

SPEAKER_08 45:03

I mean it would just be a rock hitting the table, I feel like. I feel like the healing bolt is what makes it boom and fall.

SPEAKER_00 45:09

What if you just had a gun?

SPEAKER_08 45:10

Yeah, okay, so Roz makes a gun.

SPEAKER_00 45:12

Make a luck save.

SPEAKER_08 45:13

Okay. Wow, that's crazy. Nine.

SPEAKER_00 45:16

Nine. Alright, cool. You find a brick. So here's what I'll say. I will let you do one other part of this plan if you take back that movement and you don't move at all. And you let the other two get ahead of you. Because it sounds like that's what you're gonna do.

SPEAKER_08 45:28

Yeah, that's what I wanted to do. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 45:30

Okay. So I will move you back one, so you're back on the 10 square.

SPEAKER_08 45:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 45:35

And I will let you cast the spell and try to knock this table over. So go ahead and roll a D6, please. And I will remind you you have the spellcaster armor. You get the same. I was just about to bring that up, actually. Okay, great, cool. I got a three and a four. So you don't use this slot. So you cast the spell. I will give you this for a lux save and a penalty d6. Okay. So what I want you to do is roll a d20 and then a d6 and add the d6 to the d20. And you gotta get below a 19 with that. Added it meaning subtract it or what? No, d6, add to the d20 roll. And you want to roll below a 19.

SPEAKER_08 46:13

Oh Jesus Christ. Alright, I got a 10.

SPEAKER_00 46:15

You got a 10. Alright, cool. So uh the lightning bolt and the brick combo manages to work and the table begins to tip. And okay, so for uh Jeremy, I'm gonna just have him run as fast as he possibly can. Uh okay, so Jeremy tries to sprint, but his armor kind of holds him back, and he's only able to move one square forward. Jack, what are you wanting to do on your turn?

SPEAKER_02 46:39

Are you wanting to Could I get the ones that I know to defend me? Or is that infeasible?

SPEAKER_00 46:47

What I will tell you is you would need to make a disadvantaged will save and see if you could convince them to uh be on your side and help you. And with that you would only be able to move one square, and you would be surrendering your ability to sprint two squares.

SPEAKER_02 47:03

What about my attack? Do I have like do I have don't I have my bone sword? You do have a bone sword, yes. What if I just jump in the air and get basically my attack will allow the people, will allow Roz and Jeremy to go ahead and get a a bit of a head start because I'm kind of distracted these people. Right? So I I just start going like barbarian. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 47:30

Just stab slash, slash, type eight. So you're going to stay put and run back at them to try to hold them back.

SPEAKER_08 47:37

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 47:38

Okay. Oh god. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 47:40

The way he said it is scary. Alright, cool.

SPEAKER_00 47:43

You're gonna run at ten guards, to three of which who are your best friend, and you are going to stay put right there. That is how you spend your turn. Cool beans. Uh up next is the guards' turn. So the guards, what I'm gonna definitely tell you is they are not going to be able to move past you right away. They're gonna have to spend their turn as a group uh attempting to restrain you. Alright, let me pull up your character sheet. I'm gonna need this a second.

SPEAKER_02 48:08

Have I done my attack on him yet? I I thought that was like my I thought that was like my turn.

SPEAKER_00 48:12

Right, that's true. That is true. You do get to roll your attack. Let me look at what your bone sword did. Alright, guys. Uh if you're holding the sword with one hand, it does a d6 of damage, or with two hands it's a d8. So I'm assuming you're wanting to do max damage possible. Do the two hands. Yeah, roll a d8 then and let me know what you get. Are you going for lethal damage or non-lethal damage? Next thing to know.

SPEAKER_02 48:34

Probably non-lethal damage, honestly, because I want to keep these people kind of alive to tell my story type shit. Okay, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 48:44

Six. So as one guard approaches you, that is not one of your best friends, you smack him upside the head and he rolls into a table and collapses, uh, unconscious. The nine other guards are now gonna go. Okay. Because you didn't use lethal damage, Cannon, I will tell you they are also going to respond with non-lethal damage, which is pretty good for you. I need a couple more dice for this.

SPEAKER_02 49:10

Catherine, you better run as fast as you possibly can. I'm afraid, dude. I'm about to probably die. Don't say that! I did no, I didn't like that. He said one of us might die this episode. I don't, I don't like that at all.

SPEAKER_05 49:24

I really feel like D's the number one contender.

SPEAKER_02 49:27

So true. For that. Yeah, but then but that's the bait and switch of it, though.

SPEAKER_00 49:31

Yeah, I don't know what it is about John trying to take me out specifically. Uh actually, wait. Not that many guards can get around you at one time. Top shit, tough shit.

SPEAKER_08 49:40

Canon don't die.

SPEAKER_00 49:41

Six guards to get around you. Okay? It's not that serious.

SPEAKER_02 49:44

What if I don't let 'em? What if I skewer them with my bone sword?

SPEAKER_00 49:48

Two, six, eight, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen damage.

SPEAKER_08 49:56

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 49:57

You're dead. So so that definitely drops to uh zero HP. Thank God you ate that feast and got some temporary hit points. Uh you take seven damage to your strength stat. What's happening? As they absolutely wail on you, and you drop to three strength. Damn. I would like you to go ahead and make a uh a strength saving throw to to uh stay conscious. Stay conscious.

SPEAKER_02 50:23

Oh no. Fifteen. God fucking damn it.

SPEAKER_00 50:29

Fifteen? Okay. Alright, well, Jack, the last thing you see before your eyes close and you fall unconscious is that you are currently laying right beside a a sewer grate. And as your eyes begin to fade out, you see the sewer grate begin to vibrate violently. Up by Roz and Jeremy. I do want to say, despite how much work I put in this tiny little mini-game, I feel like such a massive sacrifice of leaving an entire person behind allows you and Jeremy to escape.

SPEAKER_08 51:02

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 51:04

You and Jeremy uh are you guys cut into uh what would you say you'd be headed to? Like, are you going into an alleyway into a pulling into a building? Are you pulling it where are you headed?

SPEAKER_08 51:13

Definitely not into a building. Okay. Uh simply because I don't know who I can trust at this point. Right. So yeah, somewhere, like a little cranny somewhere, alleyway or like under under some shit. Under a tarp somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 51:28

Okay, yeah, you pull into an alleyway and you hide in some garbage. Okay. Jeremy pulls into his armor and disguises himself among the trash cans, uh, and you hide uh behind a trash can. Okay. Or in some trash. And you hear all kinds of uh guards running around and looking for you, but also you hear a and in the road at the end of the alleyway, you see this uh sewage lid go and spin around, and you hear, hey, what the hell? Ah no! You see blood splash into the road by the alley, but you cannot see anything. But where those guards were once chasing you and where Jack once was, you hear all of this violence going on. And then after a few minutes, you see a fleshy tentacle worm its way along the road, grab the manhole cover and drag it back, and then everything is silent. Catherine, I will say that the tentacles seemed rather fleshy. Oh fleshy? How? As if they are made of exposed muscle and bone.

SPEAKER_08 52:32

Oh, oh, I've heard that before, actually. Yes. I think I know where that's coming from.

SPEAKER_07 52:39

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 52:41

You got me. I'm going to check it out.

SPEAKER_00 52:44

Alright, cool.

SPEAKER_08 52:45

Uh am I allowed to do that?

SPEAKER_00 52:47

Yeah, if you would like to, you would have to leave your hiding spot to be able to go look.

SPEAKER_08 52:50

That's fine. I don't know. Maybe I'll turn to Jeremy. Okay. Okay. No matter what happens to me, you see. Thank you. Thank God. No worries, I will stop.

SPEAKER_00 53:01

I'm gonna go see if Jack's alive still, because that did not sound good. You catch the tail end of it because of how fast you got up. You see Jack is dragged into the sewer by a very familiar figure. Someone who you have really believed to be friendly for quite some time. You see Rex. And you see his arm-turned tentacle pulling Jack to the sewer, dropping him in, and then jumping in after him after him, and closing the sewer grate behind him.

SPEAKER_08 53:31

This is very upsetting. Alright. Oh sorry, I'm like needing a minute to sit with this. That's not fucking good. Okay, I would I'm not surprised.

SPEAKER_00 53:42

I will gladly, I would say you probably would cut go back in the alleyway and hide. Is that fair to say? Flabbergasted, or would you pursue?

SPEAKER_08 53:50

Well, I'm just one bird. I'm not I cannot go down there unless I also want to die.

SPEAKER_02 53:56

So you're just gonna let me die? We don't know if you're dead.

SPEAKER_08 53:58

I know, that's kinda where I'm at right now. I wouldn't let you all die. I literally stood back. Look, John, if you gotta cut to get to another part of the story, let me think about what I'm gonna do. That's totally fine.

SPEAKER_00 54:08

Just come cut back to me eventually. That sounds totally fine for me. I will say until you make a decision, you're hiding. Just so you don't get caught by guards coming.

SPEAKER_02 54:18

Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. Getting hand tied in the sober. Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 54:22

Uh and then I would like to cut back to Gail. I feel like Gail, you've earned another will save at this point. The king has just bitten the head off of this Italian uh chef. He just yelled you're next to somebody and then ran into Dan. So what are you doing while the distraction's happening? Uh, you want me to make a will save? I want you to make an advantaged will save to try to find a code. Okay, I got an eight on the second one. With an eight, the painting catches your eye and you see that it is a little off-kilter. And as you lift the painting in blood, two horrifying words reading Praise Morgoth. Praise Morgoth. Oof, that's heavy.

SPEAKER_05 55:03

Woof, woof indeed. Would I hear D get fucking rammed into?

SPEAKER_00 55:07

Yeah. Oh yeah. You see D too, because D becomes visible again and he goes, Oh, there you are. Aye, this isn't the bathroom.

SPEAKER_03 55:14

You guys should really label this better. And Dan would teleport himself away.

SPEAKER_00 55:22

Oh fuck, that's so funny, D. Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_05 55:25

He's struggling. Dude, you're turning red right now. That was so fucking funny, dude. You turned bright red for a second there.

SPEAKER_00 55:32

That's just it sucks because that was such a good idea. Let me explain to you up close what the fox looks like. Seeing him up close, you notice details that you maybe didn't before. You notice when you guys first came, he was far up on a platform, hardly able to be seen. He yelled with a big booming voice to the people and quickly turned back away. Right? Up close, you can see stitches.

SPEAKER_08 55:57

Yeah, I fucking knew that too. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 56:00

Staples on this body. You can see under the ferg, there's just a lot that suggests that this thing is barely held together. The color of his eyes is an unnatural green. This is fucking spooky, dude. He one eye is looking in a different direction, one eye is locked in on you, and he is salivating, and he, as you go to cast teleport, he opens his mouth, his tongue rolls out a little bit, and you see a green emblem light up. Your spell stops being cast. He casts a counter spell to keep you present.

SPEAKER_01 56:32

Oh no. Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 56:34

So you attempt to cast first. Would you roll a d6 for that to see if you use a slot on that? And you would really hope that you don't, because you don't know how many counter spells he has. I rolled a two. Holy shit. Roll the two. Okay, you don't make a use. Uh I will not tell you if he used a slot on his counterspell as well. And he says, Where are you going? We're just getting started. I'm so excited. So excited I don't have to waste my batteries on this. Oh my god. And he starts walking towards you. He is going to move with incredible speed and attempt to pounce on you. Would you go ahead and make a deck saving throw to try to get out of the way, D? I rolled a six. Holy shit. Oh my god. You actually manage to dodge out of the way, uh, and he pounces on the ground right beside you, and one of his eyes, moving free of the other, looks directly at you to the side, and he's like, Oh, you're good. I know why she likes you.

SPEAKER_07 57:28

Oh fuck no! Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 57:30

What would you like to do now? Would you like to try to cast teleport again? What what what are you trying to do now?

SPEAKER_03 57:35

Um He knows that you don't get it.

SPEAKER_00 57:37

He knows that whatever it is, it's not happening. Uh let's see. So he's looking at me, right? He is looking right at you, yes, sir.

SPEAKER_03 57:43

God, and I only know Perry and fucking teleport. I knew I should have I can't fly.

SPEAKER_08 57:48

Me who only has like healing and like counter spell, it's super annoying. I have not shit.

SPEAKER_05 57:55

At the moment, I can make people shit their pants. So I would cut your blessings.

SPEAKER_00 58:02

Actually, that might be useful right now. You don't know. But to cast a spell or make an attack, you would have to become visible again. I will tell you that.

SPEAKER_03 58:09

No, I know. I did not know that. Uh, can I swipe at him with my greatsword? That's what I want to do. Going straight for the head.

SPEAKER_00 58:16

Okay. Go ahead and roll a d10. D. I rolled an eight. On an eight, nine, or ten, do an extra d4 of fire damage to three targets within three feet. So you can do an extra d4 of damage to him right now. So go ahead and roll another d4.

SPEAKER_03 58:30

Hinokami Kagura.

SPEAKER_00 58:33

Oh, I rolled the four. Nice.

SPEAKER_05 58:35

Actually, the fire's just a visual.

SPEAKER_03 58:37

Let's go by Zane. I don't want to hear none of that shit. Shut the fire.

SPEAKER_05 58:41

I don't need the. I ignore everyone who says that.

SPEAKER_03 58:44

So Dan would quickly grab the greatsword from wherever he has it. I don't know if it's like on his back or how however. Grabs it, and he can feel all the hatred and desire to kill this thing. Right. And the sword would spark up with brilliant flames as he goes and swings at his throat, I guess. Or just the general head area. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 59:05

Great. I love that. So that actually that did a pretty decent amount of damage for a single attack. Not bad at all. Thank you. He you swing the sword down into him and it it feels like hitting cement almost. But it does lodge in his skull just a little bit. Uh, Gail, what would you like to do? Would you like a turn? Are you just hiding? What are you doing?

SPEAKER_05 59:25

Oh, I'm not gonna let D die. So I'm gonna radio. If anything happens to D and I, the password is praise Morgot. Over. And then I'm I'm gonna cast off my invisibility. Shit. Like a cloak and shoot shit yourself on the guy and see what happens.

SPEAKER_00 59:45

Oh my god. Isaiah, that is cool as fuck. What I'm gonna tell you also is you got a single cast of fireball from the dollar bin for spells as well, if you want to do that instead of shit yourself.

SPEAKER_01 59:55

Nah, he already said shit yourself.

SPEAKER_08 59:56

I feel like it's so good to use shit yourself. Not gonna lie. Severe laxative.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:01

I'm gonna take shit yourself.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:03

You're gonna take shit yourself?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:04

Come on, bro.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:05

Alright, go ahead and roll the uh roll a d6, my friend.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:08

I don't think that this guy's organic enough to shit, but we'll see. Four! What a sentence to say.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:14

I know out of context is crazy.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:17

Four. Yeah. Okay. The bridge is so you do not use a slot on that, you cast the spell. Uh he's gonna go ahead and make a strength save. And he passes. Uh, you see him stop and freeze and look back at you. And then uh with that, he's gonna go ahead and do what he is planning to do on his turn. D, go ahead and make a uh strength save, please. Oh god, my strength is low as butt, too.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:44

Oh, roll the 16.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:46

He effortlessly swings backhands with his paw at you, and you go flying uh the equivalent of 15 critter feet down the hall.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:55

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:56

Um, and you're going to go ahead and take uh five damage from that.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:00

Guys, I'm scared.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:01

I'm very scared. No, that's not way enough.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:04

He's trying to kill us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:05

Okay, and that was equal to half of your HP. Could you go ahead and make a strength save to stay conscious, please, D. I rolled a three. Oh my god. Oh shit, holy cow. Okay, you stay conscious, but you hurt really bad.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:18

Name of this episode, make a strength save.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:21

Yeah, no doubt, dude.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:22

Please make a strength save.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:23

D, what would you like to do?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:24

I'd like to try and cast teleport one more time.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:27

Okay. Great plan. Uh, go ahead and roll a D6. Get out of here, D. I rolled a four. Unnaturally fast, this fox looks over his shoulder, opening his tongue, and dispels the spell once again. And you said you got a four. Damn, bitch.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:41

Damn, bitch.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:42

You use one of your three slots for teleport to try to escape. And he's like, I'm not done with you yet. Uh, and I forgot to do this actually before, but we'll just say it's because he was, you know, playing with his food. But this is uh the king gets to go every other turn. In response to seeing that Dan is still trying to escape, he's gonna turn and uh use his all of his movement speed to get right up next to Dan. And what I will tell you about this going every other turn thing is he only gets to do one action. So he uses his speed and moves towards Dan. And Dan, he's right on you right now. Go ahead, Gale.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:18

I want to pick up like the nearest object next to me and cast time bomb at it.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:21

Okay, yeah, you pick up like uh a piece of like like broken bone from his food, and the garbage shrung about, and you pick up this piece of bone and you cast time bomb at it. And also I let Jacob just cast time bomb and then throw it, and then it will go off next turn. So I feel like I'll let you do that as well. Um go ahead and roll a d6 of uh of a spell cast on this. One. That means you do not use any kind of uh any slot. So you use you do it for free and it will go off at the beginning of your next turn.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:53

Get out of here, turn!

SPEAKER_00 1:02:55

The king is going to make an attack on D now. D, this time he does not go to paw at you, he opens his mouth to take a bite.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:04

Oh, I didn't get a chance to make an action yet.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:06

Okay. D, you take 11 damage. He's dead. Um god. I'm dead. Just say it, John. It's okay. But you are at zero strength, which means you're going to take another roll on the injury table.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:27

Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:28

If you would like to use a luck point to gain advantage on the uh injury table roll, you may do so.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:35

Just do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:36

Sure. Okay, let me pull up the injury table. How funny would it be if I lost my other foot?

SPEAKER_08 1:03:42

Bro, don't fucking say that.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:43

That would be funny. I did say earlier, I was like, you're either gonna die or lose another lip.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:47

Okay. D, if you're gonna spend a luck point to get advantage on this, you're gonna get it on all of your all of your saves. So go ahead and mark down one luck. So you're at 17 now. The first thing I'm going to have you roll is two d6 and take the lower of the two. A three and a four. The the injury location is going to be your legs or your feet. Yeah. Okay. Up next, D, I would like you to roll two D6 and take the lower of the two. A one and a five. You are going to take a permanent scar. So that was the best you could have possibly gotten from this. Cool. So in this injury, you're going to take a permanent scar, and there will be other stuff to go alongside that uh when we get to it. Okay. But you are flat unconscious. You are very unconscious, D. Okay. Upon this bite, he rolled very high with an 11. Uh, so you are unconscious, and he has grappled you, and he's going to start carrying you into the king's quarters.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:50

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:50

That's where I'm at. Yeah. So he is heading towards Gale. Oh no. But he doesn't actually get to use any of that movement yet because uh, Gail, you get to go now.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:01

So first off.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:02

Okay, yeah. Right. Time bomb. I'm gonna say that Dan being in the king's mouth protects him. He's like he I'll say the king walks over the bomb in the hind legs because I don't feel like Dan needs any more right now.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:14

A sentence I never imagined hearing.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:16

Isaiah, would you roll a uh would you roll a d6 plus four for me?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:20

Yeah. A sentence I was prepared to hear. Six.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:25

Six. Alright, brilliant. Uh the king stumbles about for a second and then looks up at you, and you can see the fur is burned off of his hind legs and his tail. And it is extremely obvious that this thing is a rotting puppet.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:43

I fucking knew you were gonna say that.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:45

He is made of flesh, and he spits out Dan and looking up at you says, Fucking bitch. Oh, that's it's getting painful enough to live like this, and we're not quite ready for the next. One. Oh, I'm gonna make you hurt for that.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:02

I'ma I'm a I'ma fucking do some Resangum bullshit in my hands and be like, then you better get one ready and throw my fireball at him.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:11

Okay, hell yeah, that's cool as fuck. Roll a D6, please, for the spell cast. Let it roll for cool.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:16

So how does luck work? Do I need to do I need to tell you this beforehand if I want to use luck?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:21

With a luck, casting a spell, because it's such a big deal, you will get an automatic six, but it does no damage to you and doesn't uh it it would mark a slot on this because it's a dollar bin, but on a regular spell it wouldn't. You roll a six, which means you'll do the max damage of the fireball if you spend a luck. Okay, and you will uh you'll end up using the slot if you want to spend a luck on it.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:42

I'll I'll I'll just use a luck on there.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:44

Okay. So you're gonna go down to 18 luck, and you frickin' holy shit, actually, this is crazy. This fireball goes off, and the hind legs of the king explode off. Bisecting him in half. You see his spine splue out, and the carcass of this creature is slowing rapidly as a black viscous liquid is pouring from this wound. I'll find you, goddammit, I'll find you. You don't know what you've done. You made this all easier. You've made you appeal.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:31

While he's talking, nobody's gonna die anyways. I'll just like have a time bomb like right there where he's crawling to. So when he's like like saying all that, like I wanna like just just say go to hell as it okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:44

Fuck yeah, first point. Uh roll a d6 to see if it uses it. Alright.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:48

Four. So now I'm good at something.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:51

Four? Okay, so it does use a slot, but that's fine. Uh okay, with that, uh, you have killed Visco. The whatever this thing was, you have in fact put an end to it. And D is unconscious on the ground, lightly bleeding from his leg. He could be a lot worse off than he was.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:08

Um, first point, I radioed to Roz. Would she have time to respond before it? Because I feel like she probably wouldn't.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:16

Yeah, I'm hiding right now. You you s yeah, you told the you told her the code. And also you told Head the code. And Headard has been radio silent. I thought about what Head would do in response to this. And after a few moments, after all of the uh commotion has died down, you just hear Headard say, Are you sure? Uh yeah, that's it. That's 100% over. Can you get into that secret room? I'm gonna try to come in.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:41

Uh I'm gonna be rushing to Dan at this point. Um and be like, also, you're gonna have to find a new king.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:49

And I feel like Headard wouldn't say anything to that in response. Roz, what are you what are you thinking?

SPEAKER_08 1:08:55

Shit. Um Alright, Gail, Headard, whoever's listening. Jack's been taken. The mission's obviously been compromised. Save yourselves. I'm gonna try and get Jack back. Good luck. I love you guys. And that's the last thing Roz says before turning to Jeremy. Okay. And saying, hey, I want you to get as far away from here as possible. Okay? I'm probably gonna die here today.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:22

Roz, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_08 1:09:23

I gotta try and get Jack back out of there. I I wrestled with myself for a little bit and I can't just knowingly let him be dragged into the the sewer system of whatever the fuck this place is. Okay. I'm I'm gonna try and get him out. I have a plan. It's probably a shitty plan, but uh I'm gonna I'm gonna do my best.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:41

Whatever's happening, we need to we need to regroup right away. Things are bad on all fronts. Dan is down. He's taking some serious hits on trying to tie into him right now. Uh also I killed the king.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:52

I don't what do you mean you killed the king? There's there's truly no time to explain, Gail. I hope we I hope we meet back. I hope we meet back soon. I hope I survive this.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:01

Raz, be safe. Don't do anything stupid, please. I'm begging you.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:04

Yeah, so Raz is not gonna respond after that. Raz is just Raz has ditched her Rocky talkie in the alleyway, essentially.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:11

Okay. Wait, are you actually ditching it or are you taking it with?

SPEAKER_08 1:10:14

No, I'm ditching it, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:15

That's a bad plan. Whatever your plan is, it's officially bad.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:18

It's officially a bad plan. Alright, uh you start crawling down into the sewer, and it smells pretty bad. Sewer adjacent even.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:28

As your eyes adjust, you realize that the walls of the cave here are covered in meat.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:34

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_00 1:10:35

Muscle and bone and tooth, and about 15 feet, critter feet down, a trail of blood on the walkway to the right of you is dragged away.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:48

What the fuck, dude?

SPEAKER_00 1:10:50

Dun dun dun. Jacob, are you there, boy? Boy. Boy. Jacob! Oh, he might be asleep. I do wonder if he's sleeping. Catherine's in the same house as him this episode, though, so she can go wake him up.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:03

The girlfriend to the rescue.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:08

You're sleeping, baby.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:12

Wake up. We're still recording. They're talking to you. Huh?

SPEAKER_06 1:11:15

They're talking to you.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:16

Hello. Okay. By some miracle, your luck has not done you well, uh, Jacob. When you cast teleport, you telecor teleport you and Stessica in front of a group of guards. Oh fuck. Fuck. So you've landed yourself on the street uh in front of a group of six guards. And they all turn and look at you and they they hold up spears to you and go, don't move! And then they are trying to radio in for people to come help. Am I able to teleport both of us or just one of us? You can teleport both of you guys again if you invest two slots again. Let me actually wait. Well that's what I was wondering. I don't know, I don't think I have two slots. You don't. You have one slot. Oh my god, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:00

Can I teleport Stessica out? Yes, 100%. Alright. I'm gonna do that then.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:05

Alright, roll a D6, and if you don't use it in the next turn, you can. Get yourself out. It'll be a D6 whenever you're ready. Got a six. Oh god. Okay. Jacob, can you you just never roll quit, dude. Never. God, man. You spend your slot, go ahead and roll a D6 again, please, Jacob. Another six.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:24

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:24

What the fuck, Jacob! You get a terrible, awful headache from that. So bad, in fact, that you feel if you cast another spell and you and you take three more damage, you will be a vegetable for the rest of the season. The guards surround you and they go, surrender! Moss Redder, the Sword and Whiskers role-playing game was created by Isaac Williams, Caverns and Critters Stars, D'Angelo Last Name is Dan, Candon Johnson is Jack, Catherine Bivens is Roz, Isaiah Nyman is Gail, and me, Jonathan Ransom, as your DM and audio editor. This podcast would not exist without the inspiration of real play podcasts that came before, such as Dungeons and Daddies, Critical Role, Adventure Zone, and Dungeons and Daddies again, because I'm the biggest D and Dads glazer you will find. Thank you guys so much for listening, and we will see you guys in the next episode. Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:03

He's asleep.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:04

She left his room. He's out. Like a light. Can you roll a D6 for me, please?

SPEAKER_01 1:14:10

Whose Wi-Fi is ass now?

SPEAKER_08 1:14:13

The Wi-Fi's not Did it freeze? He's talking. I can hear him talking, but it's not coming through on the call. He said he said, Whose Wi-Fi is not coming in now?

SPEAKER_00 1:14:29

He said Have Jacob yell the name what number he got. Jacob wanted to put away after that.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:55

Yeah, your wife I didn't know what I think.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:02

Why'd you take it as much?

SPEAKER_01 1:15:09

You got another six. No, I rolled one.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:17

Yeah, you get to roll you get to you have you rolled a six first. Now roll another D six to see what you what how much will damage you take from that as well.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:26

Another six.