Caverns and Critters
Welcome to Caverns and Critters! A Mausritter real play podcast. That tells the story of a group of recently heartbroken and newly single young adults, finding themselves cast into another dimension, where they’ve been turned into little critters!
Caverns and Critters
Episode 21- If You Dance With The Devil...
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Samuel makes a daring escape, meanwhile Raz descends into the depths in an attempt to save Jack.
This episode contains: Scenes of horror, body horror, gross noises, profanity, violence, sexual content, reference to drug alcohol use and body horror again... seriously guys this is a tough one...
Caverns and Critters is a podcast about little guys made for big guys as an adult. Content warnings can be found in the episode description.
SPEAKER_08Guys, I have a critter report. Critter report. First critter report, there is a killdeer living in the field by our house, which, for those of you who maybe don't remember, Catherine is currently portraying a killdeer as the character of Roz. Yeah. Other critter report is the other day I woke up at like five in the morning. Megan and I woke up to the a sound of a cat screaming right outside our window. And I was just like, what is happening, dude? He's just Megan's like, Oh, they're just having they're having a cat fight. And I was like, what? And then suddenly it's just like And then it's just like I don't know, man. They put some sauce on those screams, dude.
SPEAKER_06Like they sound like when they talk to each other, yeah.
SPEAKER_08Like it's well, like they chased each other and there was a fight for a second and they took off and we were able to go back to sleep. Yeah. Exactly. Whoever did that. I don't know who did that, but it was exactly that.
SPEAKER_06Baby mama and baby skunks in my subdivision. Oh no. Cutest thing ever.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, so cute. Very cute, very scary.
SPEAKER_06So she's like digging holes and like carrying them in her mouth and running it, you know, their goofy little run. And like putting them in. Anyways. Very cute.
SPEAKER_08I've been seeing a lot of skunks lately. Very, very cute. Uh Isaiah, you had a critter to report.
SPEAKER_09I do. And just like last week, it's not a good one. What? It's a sad one. I don't see that. I see plenty of stray cats. That's nice, but the notable one is I had to help my coworker pull a dead bird out of her grill. It was really sad. And it was such a beautiful bird. I don't know what kind of bird it was. I'm not like that. But it it was so pretty. It was like yellow and other colors pro it was like yellow pretty much. It was really beautiful.
SPEAKER_08It was like yellow pretty much would make a great t-shirt case.
SPEAKER_06It was the I'm not like that part for me.
SPEAKER_09It was so sad though. I hate like I had the gloves on, but like feeling it and like grabbing it. And you know, like the way it feels when it's like it you feel like it should spring to life and attack you, or like you should feel something and it doesn't, and you're just waiting in anticipation as you pull it out. It was horrible. It was really sad.
SPEAKER_08I hate touching dead things. Yeah. Zero out of ten.
SPEAKER_09I agree. That's my critter report. Sorry guys. One of these days I won't bum you out.
SPEAKER_08Alright. Well, I mean, you've had a couple that weren't bumming us out. Like several spiders have been saved. But D! Let me c report that critter.
SPEAKER_10There is a little baby bird in our backyard. I think it fell from the nest, which is really sad. It's still alive. And I tried to pick it up to move it. Uh it would not let me. But I don't know if it's still out there, but I did see it, and it was very cute. I did pet it a little bit. It did let me. It was just it was adorable. And sad critter report. Unfortunately, I have lost my cat Luna for the time being and I'm still we find her.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, it's been a big uh subject in the uh in the group chat, and uh it's been a massive bummer to send your send your legions and lend them to D so he can find his cat, please.
SPEAKER_09I totally forgot that that was gonna come up as a critter report.
SPEAKER_06So Yeah, and if anyone uh has picked up Luna and Little Cute Grey Kitty, please bring it back to D's house for the love of God.
SPEAKER_08Or else we're coming for you specifically. That's so sad. Pretty much back-to-back bummers on the in the critter report. Jacob, do you have a critter report?
SPEAKER_12Um do I have a critter report? Yeah. Uh my mom has been feeding this squirrel. Well, she's got like a little bird feeder. There's been a reoccurring squirrel that comes, and over time we've noticed that he's gotten much larger every time we see him. And he just he will eat for hours and hours. And my mom loves that he's getting chunky, and she calls him Alvin. Oh. And she's like, Alvin is eating again. Very cute. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Cute mom, but that squirrel's gonna die. Dude. Fat ass. He's going out the way he wants. Beautiful. Dude, he's caked. You're right, you're right, you're right. He might die, but he might be the only squirrel to ever live, dude. Guys, uh, we are currently working on homebrewing a new combat TTRPG system. I'm actually getting really close. Done with it. I've been formatting it to make it look pretty and easier to read for everybody. So we're getting close to done. We're gonna be switching over to that instead of playing Mouse Ritter. So, fingers crossed that that. Guys, uh, once again requesting those of you on the Patreon to submit a Patreon question. Please! I'm pegging you! Please. Anyways, I had to come up with another first aid question again. Uh, and guys, would you like to hear it? Yeah. I would love to hear it.
SPEAKER_06I've been waiting to hear this one.
SPEAKER_08I heard a couple people say yes, so I'm just gonna go for it. What scary movie scared your character the worst? Gonna go ahead and start with Catherine.
SPEAKER_06Uh, I'm Catherine.
unknownHi.
SPEAKER_06Uh I'm Lay Raz Schumann, witty, uh, caretaker, nonchalant, chivalrous uh member of the group. Also a kill deer bird.
SPEAKER_04Also a kill deer bird.
SPEAKER_06Um, which I've also been seeing more of. I love it. I love the way they walk. I love their whole cut. I love it so much.
SPEAKER_08I walk the cut again, gym, mate. And uh do that again.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I guess the the movie that scared Roz the most. I have like a lot of personal answers for this, but I think Roz's answer would be the original Exorcist movie.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_06Just because there are certainly demons tied to that movie. Don't play it in your house, don't play it anywhere you care about. Girl. Shit will happen when you watch that movie. Say less. I will never watch it. It's just true. It's actually it's a good movie. Like, um, objectively speaking, like they they didn't have any like special effects. They were just like, they just did that shit, you know. Like they were just they were like, we're gonna record it.
SPEAKER_08There were real demons.
SPEAKER_06And this is a real movie.
SPEAKER_08It's actually a documentary, but the studio's too scared to tell you that.
SPEAKER_06Exactly, exactly.
SPEAKER_08Everybody who worked on that movie is dead.
SPEAKER_06It's like the the Watch Mojo cut of of that. You guys see that controversy lately?
SPEAKER_08Yeah. So what? What controversy? Please tell me more.
SPEAKER_06About about Watch Mojo? I don't know. They were like they were like dying on some hill. Ah, let me I would have to pull it up. Like I watched I watched a target video.
SPEAKER_10Welcome to WatchMojo.com. I gotcha, Catherine. I know exactly what it is. Please. So basically, what had happened was a um a YouTuber made a video talking about the deserved downfall of Watch Mojo.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_10And instead of just being like, eh, whatever, uh, Watch Mojo responded in the comments. Oh, he's a good thing. Yeah, and it was not a good response, and everybody has been clowning on him.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, they were like, we're so relevant. And like just like this weird, like out of touch thing.
SPEAKER_09It was so dumb. But that's the controversy, is they were like, um, we're still cool. And everyone was like, No, you're not. Pretty much, yeah.
SPEAKER_06We are. And you guys all watch our videos, actually. You just don't know it yet.
SPEAKER_08I was gonna say I used to watch like binge watch watch mojo top tens as like a 13-year-old.
SPEAKER_10It was like all I that's their exact demographic, yeah, as like younger people who don't really standards for the type of video. I loved that shit as a kid. Fantastic shit right there. Now you try and watch it and it's just like this shit sucks.
SPEAKER_08I haven't even looked, I haven't even had a conscious thought about it for like two years until it was just spoken aloud right now.
SPEAKER_10Pretty much.
SPEAKER_08That's how it works.
SPEAKER_06That's the whole point.
SPEAKER_09Up next, Isaiah. Uh hi, I'm Isaiah. I play the character of Gail, professional shit spellcaster and heroine of our time. Also King Slayer. Yeah. She's pretty cool. Pretty cool. I would say I might say I played Gail, and I guess you could say I'm pretty cool. I guess you could say I'm in it to win it. And nobody deserved that number one spot more than I do.
SPEAKER_10I'm Gail. I guess you could say I'm a little quirky.
SPEAKER_08I'm Gail. I guess you could say I'm afraid of salt.
SPEAKER_09Gail is an elephant shrew who's not afraid of salt. Oh my god. She's actually terrified of salt. She's actually mixed Hispanic, but nobody talks about it.
SPEAKER_08Oh shit, really? Is that is that confirmed?
SPEAKER_09Nobody ever asked. Nobody ever asked.
SPEAKER_08One intro pretty recently you you said, and I'm gonna quote you here. Oh no. That Gail's Dominican. No, she's Caucasian. Emphasis on the cock. That's fake news. Okay.
SPEAKER_09Can I can I not make a cock joke? Can I not make a cock joke without you guys jumping on my dick? No. No.
SPEAKER_08No, I don't think so. I wanna if you're gonna joke joke about your dick, I'm gonna jump on that thing.
SPEAKER_09Alright, well, fair enough. She's racially ambiguous, if you if you must. I I like to think of her as a uh a white presenting me. But she's mixed.
SPEAKER_06You're literally just describing me.
SPEAKER_09I am describing Catherine. Anyways, Gail has not seen any horror movies that really scared her. She was not scared of them at all, but she is quite fond of the terrifier films because her significant other was a big fan. So she always liked them.
SPEAKER_08Scary clowns will always get me scared.
SPEAKER_06Listen to me. Poltergeist, the 1980s poltergeist, is the reason that I do not like scary movies.
SPEAKER_09I've never seen it.
SPEAKER_06That scared me shitless. It's like if I watched it back, it probably wouldn't be that bad. But I was like 12 when I watched it and it changed my life. Like I was scared of clowns for a good portion of my adolescence. As you should be. I'm chillin' now, but poltergeist has a clown in it? Yeah, it had a clown doll in it, and it chokes the little boy under the bed in like one of the last scenes. It's horrible. It is like genuinely like night. Allegedly. So that that deeply affected me as a child.
SPEAKER_08Dude, I used to be like performatively afraid of clowns. Like John, please don't say that. I wasn't like that afraid of clowns, but I was like, I was like, I want people to like think of me as the guy that's afraid of clowns.
SPEAKER_09Because I thought it was just like the peanut butter MMs.
SPEAKER_08No, there were peanut MMs, but yes.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, it wasn't peanut butter. Because I remember I was.
SPEAKER_08It was the exact same time, too. Like I was like obsessed with peanut MMs, and I was like, yeah, I guess you could say I'm the peanut MMs and afraid of clowns guy. Oh my god. For whatever reason, as 16 years old, I was like, what an identity I've crafted. What an identity.
SPEAKER_06You're like, no one's ever done this before.
SPEAKER_08I don't eat peanut MMs anymore, and I don't think about clowns ever. Up next is gonna be D.
SPEAKER_10I am D. I played the very tired and very sarcastic crow that is Dan.
SPEAKER_06So accurate.
SPEAKER_10And the uh the horror movie that took Dan off the map for the horror movies would probably be the original alien movie. For real. Ooh, that's a good pick. What did I say? That's a great movie. 1979 Alien. That was Dan's inciting incident. Word incident. That was the day he decided he did not.
SPEAKER_09That's why Dan's a furry. What? Because he started.
SPEAKER_10Okay, what? No, that's the monster fucker. You gotta get your fucking ties straight.
SPEAKER_12It's more like a slap. It's more like a slasher, I guess.
SPEAKER_10Dan's fetish for aliens only started whenever he got older and realized Dan that xenomorph kind of got an ass and dead by daylight.
SPEAKER_09Come on, who doesn't see that before that thing going down her throat and Dan out in a in a Dan's out in a fucking cornfield like, oh no, I hope nobody probes me.
SPEAKER_10Oh no, I hope no thick booted xenomorphs come out here and take. The real movie that took me personally off of horror movies was I was like eight years old and we were at some um some friends of my parents, and we were at their house and they were watching fucking Chucky, and I watched like a little bit of it. And I don't remember I remember like the exact scene for some reason. It was like whenever Chucky was hiding in like the other dolls or whatever after he first like came alive as the doll. I don't know why. Scared the shit out of me as a kid, and I have not watched any horror movies since. But I do love Jaws. Jaws is great. They have like a marathon of like all the Jaws movies, and like me and my older brother sat on the couch in our living room and just binge watched like every single Jaws movie just all day.
SPEAKER_09It was a great day. It sounds like a good day. I did I did that same thing. I'd also like to say, since we're doing the movies that actually scared the shit out of us, I recently watched Skinamarink.
SPEAKER_10What is that?
SPEAKER_09Oh my god, you need to watch it. It is so fucking scary. What part of I don't watch scary movies don't you guys? I watched it with my girlfriend and her cousin, and they both fell asleep before anything really scary happened, so I felt isolated and like alone. I was so spooked, dude. It was it was great. Please watch Skin American.
SPEAKER_08Up next is going to be Jacob. Go ahead, Jacob.
SPEAKER_12Hi, I'm Jacob. I play Samuel the rat. Uh Samuel's Samuel's horror film, I would say, is Scooby-Doo Scooby-Doo in the Cyber Chase. Oh god, I love that movie.
SPEAKER_06Scooby-Doo in the Cyber That actually was freaky as a kid, though. Yeah, it's like eerie terrifying. Yeah.
SPEAKER_12Well, even the beginning, the way they even the the whole setup, it's it is just eerie.
SPEAKER_08Please tell me the name again. Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase.
SPEAKER_12Cyber Chase.
SPEAKER_06John, you've never seen that?
SPEAKER_12Nope. Dude, it's the best Scooby-Doo movie. Hands down.
SPEAKER_06It's really good. Listen, maybe not the best in my opinion, but it's really good.
SPEAKER_08It's the best. I'll have to look into that. I'm a big Scooby-Doo movie.
SPEAKER_06I watched the vampire one a lot when I was in front of you.
SPEAKER_10God damn, those hex girls could get it. That is a true state move.
SPEAKER_08Dude, that's a that's a great pull. The movie that scared me the worst was Barbarian by Zach Kregger.
SPEAKER_09What a disappointment that movie was.
SPEAKER_08Uh listen, let me tell you the experience that I had with this movie. All right. I uh I drove two and a half hours. It was, yeah. Okay. Very scary to me. I drove two and a half hours to Colorado Springs from my home, and I had just moved out on my own, okay, into this brand new house all by myself. And it was the first time I've ever lived alone, all by my lonesome, period. Okay. Drove all the way two and a half hours to Colorado Springs, watched this movie. On the drive home, I don't think I like I didn't listen to music. I just sat in silence. Also, in the theater, I sat in the middle row by myself, and there was not a single other soul in that theater. Oh hell no. Just, I mean, when I tell you it affected me for weeks for no reason. Uh, but also I was this I feel like this is also important. I was in the middle of like uh some trauma therapy, and then like that was like a mixing with the fact that like I was I was uh I watched that scary movie, and then I've always had like a chronic and terrible fear of like breaking and entering. So like all of those things combined to the point where I was like literally like stacking shit against doors so that if anyone opened a door to get to me, that it would knock it over and make noise. And I was like that until I was like that until I got my dog, Cal. And then all of the anxiety between John. It was at least like a month and a half.
SPEAKER_06Oh my god.
SPEAKER_08I was I was like miserable, dude.
SPEAKER_06The paranoia was hitting like a cigarette, bro. Yeah, well like that shit's good.
SPEAKER_08There was one night in particular where like great shit. Uh I went to bed and I swear that I left the bathroom door closed, and I woke up and it was wide open. Oh my god. And I literally was like frozen in bed for like and it was right by my bed too.
SPEAKER_06This is scary.
SPEAKER_08It was like right across from my bed. So I literally sat there and just frozen, looked at that. I had to walk through my entire house. It was I was I was not having a great time. I got a dog, suddenly I was fine because this dog would bark whenever anything would touch the house, which was very helpful at that time. Now it's just kind of funny. In the last episode, a lot happened. The king finally appeared and smelled of a rotten corpse. Gail witnessed him call in on his Rocky Talkie that there were critters inside his palace slaughtering his servants. He then took off running down the halls and uh causing screaming somewhere else in the castle, of which you guys have, you know, pretty easy to assume what happened, but you don't know for sure. Gail took the opportunity to sneak into the king's quarters and find the secret cord code for the secret door, which was Praise Morgoth. Stessica, after having a memory seizure, began having a panic attack, so to keep her from drawing attention to the group, Samuel teleported himself and her outside. Dan got ran into by the king, dropping his invisibility and starting a fight. Dan was severely injured in this fight, but was saved last second by Gail, who blew up the king with a fireball spell. Uh Roz, Jack, and Jeremy ran from from some guards. Jack stopped to sacrifice himself to let the others escape and got his ass beaten until he was unconscious. That man got jumped.
SPEAKER_11That that all American jumping.
SPEAKER_08While he was being arrested, Rex appeared and killed all the guards with a fleshy tentacle arm looking just like Goop's tentacleness, group gross fleshiness. Uh he then dragged Jack into the sewers. Roz went after him, leaving Jeremy and Hiroki Talkie behind in an alleyway. Finally, Samuel and Stessica teleported in front of some guards after a bad luck save. Samuel managed to spend his last teleport spell uh slot to move Stessica elsewhere and now faces off against six guards by himself. So that is kind of where I would like to pick back up. So, Samuel, you have just been surrounded by six guards. You teleported into this into this area where there's there were guards. They surrounded you, you teleported uh Stessica out, and they all raised their spears at you and said surrender. Uh first question. How far away for the audience did you teleport Stessica away? In which direction as well, is what I want you to answer.
SPEAKER_12Could I teleport her like to like a wooded area kind of by like like the front of the castle so she could see potentially if the others left.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so you like want to teleport her like up on a branch on the the tree that is the palace? Because the thing is, like the palace is carved inside of a tree. Okay. So if you wanted to teleport her up onto a branch above the palace, you could do that.
SPEAKER_12Yes, I would like to do that then.
SPEAKER_08Very cool. Uh so these six guards are all around you, pointing spears at you, and they say, Surrender! What are you gonna do?
SPEAKER_12I'm going to actually I guess I could just like talk to them at this point.
SPEAKER_08Okay. Yeah.
SPEAKER_12I'd be like, but put your weapons down, put your weapons down. I am a uh I'm an investigator and a psychic from far away. I teleported my apprentice away in the town. I've heard there's been some intruders. What the hell are you guys doing here? Okay.
SPEAKER_08I want you to go ahead and make a uh a will save, but I want you to know that you took some severe damage from casting that spell to your will stat. So the difficulty of this to pass is a three. Oh boy, okay. Actually, am I able to use some of my luck? If you want to use your luck and just spend a luck, you'll go down to 14 luck total, and you will automatically pass the check if you would like to spend it, but you'll never get that luck point back.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, spend this shit like it's candy.
SPEAKER_08Uh yeah, let's do it. Alright. The guards kind of straighten up and lower their drop their guard a little bit, and they're like, move along, get to an inn and stay indoors. We're we're gonna be the guards are gonna be enforcing a curfew on everyone. Move inside, find your apprentice, get them inside, and then they start running off.
SPEAKER_12Rightfully so. Good work, my boys. I'm gonna like look both ways, like cautiously.
SPEAKER_08Alright.
SPEAKER_12Oh my god, I can't believe it worked.
SPEAKER_08Actually, wait. Okay, so as they are running away, one of them stops and turns back and looks at you. Um my god.
SPEAKER_04Don't say it like that. You're not nice. Okay.
SPEAKER_08One of them had the thought in their brain when they were up close by you that you might have looked familiar to them. He turns back and takes a second glance at you. They're a little distance away, they're like one turn away from you. But they turn around and look at you, and he goes, Oh my god, it's the deserter! No way. He rolled a natural one on his check to recognize you past your disguise. You're an ass. You have a turn to escape. Like you got a good lead on them. They were surrounding you before, so they would have it would probably have been a repeat of the jack situation, but they are going to start chasing you. What would you like to do?
SPEAKER_12Can I set my time bomb for a certain amount of time and throw it on the ground behind me so it like blows up some smoke?
SPEAKER_08Right. Okay, that's a really good idea. Yeah, you pick up a pebble and cast time bomb and just kind of leave it behind, and then you take off running.
SPEAKER_12Yeah, and then I also yell, so long, suckers!
SPEAKER_08Okay, great, great, great, great. So your goal is just to have it go off as soon as you're out of range of it, right?
SPEAKER_12Yeah, I would yeah, I would say so, yeah.
SPEAKER_08Alright, so basically these guards start running towards you. As soon as you're out of range of this time bomb, it explodes. Three of the six guards that were starting to pursue you again get caught up in the explosion. And they are going to take one d6 damage plus four. So could you go ahead and roll a d6, please, and then add four to that and let me know what you get. I rolled a six. That was with that plus four. Uh so ten, sorry. Oh shit. Yeah. Holy cow. That six finally paid off on that d6.
SPEAKER_12Well, well, well you thought you could keep me down forever, did you? Okay.
SPEAKER_08Three of these guards are going to make rolls to see if they can stay conscious because they just took massive fucking. Okay. Wow. Alright. All of them fall unconscious that hit got hit by the explosion. They're not gonna be dead, but they are pretty damn injured. And they're gonna need a couple weeks of recovery, probably. Uh the other three are stunned and kind of taken aback uh by the explosion. Let me go ahead and roll for them to see if they can continue even the pursuit after this explosion just went off. Okay, so one of them pushes through the smoke and is like looking for you. Uh, what are you doing while the smoke is covering your passageway before this guy runs out of the other side of it?
SPEAKER_12I would like to try to lose him between like a running through the buildings and alleyways.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so you weave through, and I'm gonna say you don't have quite enough time to make it all the way down to a second corner, but you make it around a first corner. So I'm gonna have him roll to see if he would notice, like catch you right at the end of you turning this corner. Okay. So that's gonna be a will save for him. And he does pass. He sees just the edge of you as you flip around and turn rapidly to try to lose him. And he goes, Hey, come back! And he starts pursuing you once again. He uses his movement to make it about halfway down the alleyway. Uh, are you gonna just keep doing that until you lose him?
SPEAKER_12Yeah, I might as well. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Okay. I feel like you're enough ahead that he can't quite catch you. Like, there's not a lot he can do. He was pretty stunned from the explosion. But what you do hear him do is pull out a rocky talkie and say, Close off the whole district! We got the deserter. He's here. And he starts naming off specific zones that he's in.
SPEAKER_09God damn, that's so intense.
SPEAKER_08We need every guard block the whole area off. Do not let anyone out. Absolutely no one out. And Jacob, you Samuel weaves through these buildings, right? Okay. And you realize that you are in the same area uh that the Church of Marcos is in now. So that's kind of the general area that you're in. The the Church of Marcos is around here, the library is really close by. Uh, that's kind of the general area that you're at.
SPEAKER_12Okay. Is it still my turn then?
SPEAKER_08It is, yeah. I will let I'll let you uh keep moving, but you heard that guy speak and tell ever all the guards that you're in the area. So there's about to be a massive influx of guards to the area. Where what would you like to do?
SPEAKER_12Is um is Ally the Alchemist's shop still around there?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, that would be pretty close by.
SPEAKER_12Can I try running into there?
SPEAKER_08Okay. Can you give me an advantaged deck safe to see if you can sneak through the whole area without getting spotted? So roll 2d20 and take the lower of the two.
SPEAKER_12I got a six and a seven.
SPEAKER_08Hell yeah!
SPEAKER_07Hell yeah!
SPEAKER_09That's a funny number.
SPEAKER_08Uh-huh. Very funny number. Uh, super. Uh with a six and a seven, you weave through the buildings and you make it to Ally the Alchemist's shop after a few minutes.
SPEAKER_12Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna walk in, kind of, kinda chill-like. Cool, right.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, very chill. Uh nonchalant, nothing going on. Roll for nonchalant, please. Just kidding. I literally looked at my dice. I was like, uh. Oh, now hang on, just one second, dear. I'll be right with it. Oh. Well, if it isn't Mr. Smouse, come on in.
SPEAKER_12It's gonna come back to talk to a pretty lady such as yourself.
SPEAKER_08Oh, uh, you didn't leave me waiting for long. Uh you know, I'm so tired and achy from my day at work. Standing behind the counter, I could could use the the touch of uh masseuse if you happen to know anybody.
SPEAKER_12Ali, what a coincidence. I'm literally licensed. Masseuse, alright?
SPEAKER_08Oh.
SPEAKER_12And I've got a little bit of free time here. Yep.
SPEAKER_07Say less, honey.
SPEAKER_08Let me uh let me close up a shop for today. Good lord. Perfect, perfect. Grandson, go home! And he's like, Ugh, Grandma, there's a curfew. I can't go. I don't care. I'm tired. Get out! Don't ruin this for me. Fine. He walks outside. She locks the door behind him. Come with me! Uh okay. You guys go upstairs. I'm gonna go ahead and cut away to uh Roz. Oh shit, this is the moment of truth.
SPEAKER_06It's me.
SPEAKER_08Alright, so Roz, you have just started climbing down into the sewer. You have just noticed that the walls are covered in meat and muscle and bone and tooth, and that the and with a second glance you notice that the meat is actually moving.
SPEAKER_06Lovely.
SPEAKER_08It appears to be sliding along the wall in the same direction that the blood trail is headed off into. And to remind you of what kind of the the structure of this sewer is, first point, you can only see about 20 equivalent of light shines in from the uh manhole cover that you've removed. And below you is a ladder that connects to a walkway, and there's a walkway on either side of flowing sewage in the center of all of these tunnels of sewer sewer. What would you like to do?
SPEAKER_06Well, the first thing I'm gonna do is I'm gonna tell Skimmer to get on my back like a backpack. Okay. Oh hell yeah, okay. Just like to protect him. Alright.
SPEAKER_04Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_06And like just in case I need that later. Yeah. Um, and then I think Roz is gonna go up the walkway. Okay. So as to not jump into sewage as soon as possible.
SPEAKER_08Word. Um and I will remind you that there is a blood trail uh on the walkway that you're currently on that leads uh straight down from you and then turns right at the the closest right turn available.
SPEAKER_06And yes, Roz is gonna cautiously follow that lead, I think. Okay.
SPEAKER_08As you're walking, you notice that the meat, like I said, is sliding along the walls, moving in the same direction as you. And it actually begins to bridge across and turn the same direction as the blood trail as well. You turn this corner and out in front of you is meat wall, and it heads down a ways uh about a block distance and then turns right down another corridor.
SPEAKER_06Alright, I'm gonna keep following meat wall, I guess, against my better judgment.
SPEAKER_08You persist you continue to follow meat wall. So you make it down, it turns right, you peek your eye slowly around, and about halfway down the block of this turn, uh, you see Rex, his arm, a fleshy tentacle, as you've seen before, and he is dragging a very limp and lifeless jack behind him.
SPEAKER_06Alright, I think what I'm gonna do quietly before I turn the corner is I'm going to instruct Skimmer to go alert Jeremy where exactly in the sewer I am. Okay. However, he can do that. Because he can sniff me out when he goes back. But and I don't think that he's gonna be able to talk to Jeremy, but yeah, however, he can do that. Okay. Hold on. I got a sheet right here. Yeah, he can he's excellent at tracking a target and gathering info before.
SPEAKER_08That is extremely true. He is extremely good at that. Yeah. He starts flying, he gives you a little salute, and then zips back towards the open manhole cover out of your sight.
SPEAKER_06Awesome.
SPEAKER_08Okay.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I'm just gonna keep following. I don't want to expose my position right away.
SPEAKER_08Right. Well, uh, I would like you to roll me two D20s. Oh and just tell me the result of both. Oh boy.
SPEAKER_06I was hoping that was gonna come.
SPEAKER_12Those are a death sentence, honey.
SPEAKER_06Both nine.
SPEAKER_08Both of them are nine. So the first thing you see is Rex continues walking. The sewer reaches a four-way stop, basically, right? A four-way corner. Um, and at the center is a bunch of uh sewage rivers kind of flowing through. Rex uh creates a meat bridge, caddy corner across to the left side and uh walks over it, dragging Jack behind him, and the meat begins to follow him. So would you like to try to use his meat bridge to get across?
SPEAKER_06Or are you going to I would like to fly across if it's not gonna be too loud. Okay.
SPEAKER_08I will have you make just a straight dex save. I match my deck. You match your decks. Okay. So you almost make a noise, but it you you pan out okay. He walks about another block forward and then he turns right. You follow him that far, you watch him walk pretty much straight for another block and a half until he reaches a dead end. You see him reach this dead end, press a brick on the wall, the brick slides in and then opening at the center, and he walks through, and the meat follows him, and the door closes behind him. Well, that's horrible.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Well, I'm unequipped.
SPEAKER_08Really? Okay, and you hear a the uh closest manhole cover opening. Jeremy falls in and like lands very loud right behind you. He rolled really bad. He got a 19.
SPEAKER_06Jesus Christ! Ros is gonna jump. She's been so locked in. Yeah. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_08Oh my god, I'm so sorry. And he like pulls out his sword, he's like, I'm ready, I'm ready to help. Where is it? Jeremy, where is it? Where is it?
SPEAKER_06You're so crazy, you're so brave. Look. Oh my god. I followed him for a little bit. Right. He pressed the brick on the wall, and now he's gone. Damn. He's he's behind there. He's in there. I can't believe. I don't know what's waiting for us. I'm I'm not equipped to fight, really, in any way. All of the spells that I've chosen up to this point have been useless in combat, aside from aiding others, and maybe that was something Catherine should have thought about before she got to this point. But she didn't.
SPEAKER_08Jeremy starts tapping his foot, and also Skimmer follows in behind him, like right after he fell through. And he's like, and Skimmer's like so proud. He's like, huh?
SPEAKER_06I'm I'm gonna pet Skimmer on the head.
SPEAKER_08Woo! Okay. Jeremy starts pacing back and forth. He's like, Oh, I told myself I was never gonna do anything like this. Oh my god, this goes against everything. It's fine. Alright, you can do this. Ros, listen, I am the opposite of you in the sense that I can do extremely big damage, right? Yeah. I Okay. I do big damage, you do big healing, put me in front, and we'll walk through. Oh and then if something hits me, you can heal me and make me strong, and then I'll hit him again. Yeah? No pressure.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, so so Jeremy, what I'm thinking is like, you want me- do you want me to be concealed? You want to be the only one visible when we walk in there?
SPEAKER_07I don't know. I'm just a little guy. I've been so s I'm so fucking small, Roz. Oh my god, I'm so small, Roz. I can't do this.
SPEAKER_06Alright. Roz is gonna take him by the she's gonna grip his he doesn't have lapels, but like the little uh You grab the like arm of his armor.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_06And I'm gonna shake it.
SPEAKER_08And it's too big for him, so your hands fit just fine.
SPEAKER_06Jeremy, pull yourself together. Okay, right. Yep. We're not equipped for this. No, we're not. It's okay to be scared. Okay. I'm scared. It's okay to be scared. Jack's gonna die if we don't at least go in there to try. Okay.
SPEAKER_08I was really hoping you were gonna say that Jack is just dead and we should.
SPEAKER_06Look, okay. Maybe it's futile. We're literally in meat tunnels right now, okay? I don't know what's happening. So, look, all we can do is try our best. I'm gonna have Skimmer go alert the rest of the people in our group. I'm actually gonna have Skimmer go straight to Jeremy, who can we even trust at this point?
SPEAKER_08Um, maybe Samuel. We could try to find Samuel or or Stessica.
SPEAKER_06I don't Samuel hates me.
SPEAKER_08They where did they they were in wasn't everybody inside though?
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Can Skimmer get inside? Who can that doesn't feel like a thing he could do?
SPEAKER_06Who has power?
SPEAKER_08I have power. I mean header. If I grab the Rocky Talkie, we could try to ask. What?
SPEAKER_06Oh.
SPEAKER_08So uh Jeremy goes to to click the Rocky Talkie alive and it just s makes static noise.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Thought you were gonna say that. That sucks. I'm gonna have Skimmer go tell Winston. Winston truly is the only one that I can trust at this point. I I would trust Headard, but something seems off about him. Right. I love Headard, but I don't know I don't know everything about Headard. And this is very important. So I'm gonna send him straight to Winston. Okay. And then we're and then we'll go in.
SPEAKER_08Alright.
SPEAKER_06Alright.
SPEAKER_08That sounds like a plan.
SPEAKER_06Raz does that.
SPEAKER_08So Skimmer takes off. Uh with that, I would like to cut into the King's quarters. So Dan, you had just taken a severe wound. You are deeply, deeply unconscious. But you wake up in a tent in the middle of your home in Feyrun. You see your feather hand, which you're very used to, as it has been your hand your entire life, because your entire life you have been a uh kanku. You get up out of your tent and you go to the temple, which is also set up in a tent, because your people are always moving. They follow the winds up above, and the great goddess in the end. You are praying when an old friend of yours bursts in through the entrance of the tent, and he looks panicked and beat up, and you are panicked as well when you see him, before a spear enters his back and pierces out his chest. The guards pour into this tent and begin massacring the Ken Kus. All the Ken Kus begin firing off their magic and uh powerful spells, and that's when it becomes painfully obvious that this was a very well-designed attack. The guards are equipped with magic dispelling armor, uh, specifically designed to combat the Kenku magic. And the last thing that you see before you die is Anand on her knees amidst the wreckage and flame of the last group of Kenkus in Holoferen as she sobs among the bodies of the fallen. And with your life fading, so does she. And she disappears and begin to fade into a very deep sleep.
SPEAKER_09Gail. Wow. How do I follow that?
SPEAKER_08Uh Gail, you were running down to check on Dan at the end of last episode when you wrapped up Gail's little bit. One thing I will tell you is you would know that Dan had sent you and Roz to go buy a healing potion for him, and it is probably somewhere on his person. Okay. So as you run up to him, you have that information in in your brain.
SPEAKER_09Uh, I just want to give him a once over, see if he's okay and conscious.
SPEAKER_08Would you go ahead and make a will save just to be able to gauge uh how he's doing? I got a six. A siox. I'm pretty sure that's pretty good. Yeah uh oh shit. Unfortunately, your will is five right now because all of the spell damage you took the last couple episodes. Damn, damn, damn. So he looks great. That's not true. Just spiffy. Uh I mean, you know he was a little injured, but you can't see any like any signs of like massive injury or anything.
SPEAKER_09Alright, well, I'll search his person for the healing. Okay.
SPEAKER_08You kind of pass around and and feel through all of the stuff he has, and you do find his uh health potion. I'll give it to Dan. Alright, so there's a big vial of uh red potion, healing potion, and a smaller vial of red healing potion. What would you like to do?
SPEAKER_09Oh, I can't tell how hurt he is. Really. I'll just give him the smaller one.
SPEAKER_08So you you pop it open and you pour it down his beak. D, would you go ahead and roll me a D4, please? I rolled uh four. Oh, baby back ribs, that's it.
SPEAKER_05Let's go, let's go.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so D, what I'm gonna tell you is you're going to come back with one strength. With four HP and one strength, and I just edited that for you.
SPEAKER_10Okay, yeah, I was getting ready to do that.
SPEAKER_08So you gasp awake after Gail administers this healing potion. And there is a fucking there's the king that is dead and in pieces, and it smells really bad in this room. Extra bad now because it's adding burning rotten flesh to the smell of rotten flesh, so pretty disgusting. Uh, you wake up to that. Ugh.
SPEAKER_10Oh god, what does that smell? Uh oh, it hurts. Oh god, everything hurts. What happened?
SPEAKER_09We we fought the king. It was a it was a whole ordeal, but I killed him. We're good. We we gotta go find Roz though. She said some really scary shit over the Rocky Talkies, and I can't get a hold of her anymore. I I don't know what's going on. We gotta go find her.
SPEAKER_10Super funny.
SPEAKER_09Can you stand up? No.
SPEAKER_10Oh god, everything hurts. Uh I don't think I can move from here for a while.
SPEAKER_09Dan, I'm gonna have to drag you if if we we have to get moving. This is Listen.
SPEAKER_10Listen.
SPEAKER_09This is serious.
SPEAKER_10You go get her. I can't move. I'll call Headard or somebody to come pick me up, but you go get Roz. Are you sure you're okay?
SPEAKER_08At this point, you hear on the Rocky talkie as Headard's voice chimes in again and he says, Bad fucking news. The commander of war just got here. Pete Hegseth.
unknownBruh.
SPEAKER_08No. The commander of war, Pete Hegseth, just got here. Eaglund. Son of a bitch.
SPEAKER_03Eaglant.
SPEAKER_08Eaglant stars. Eaglund stars. He's outside. You guys need to do not come to the front entrance. He's about to start storming in. I'll see if I can buy you some time, but it's not gonna look great if I try to buy you time saying, hey, don't go in there. It's just that the king is dead. I don't have time. I'm gonna go try to buy you time. It's not gonna I I don't know how much time you have. Don't go to the front.
SPEAKER_10What am I supposed to do?
SPEAKER_09No response. I don't have time for this shit. Dan, you're gonna have to hide or something. I'm going through the front entrance. I'll drop the healing potion and start moving.
SPEAKER_08Gail, so you're beeling in it for the front?
SPEAKER_09And I want to use my stealth armor because it was my stealth armor that I didn't use.
SPEAKER_08That is true. So you gain 10 minutes of invisibility with your stealth armor.
SPEAKER_09Okay, so BAMF. I'm gonna nightcrawler and disappear.
SPEAKER_08Okay, cool. Alright. So as you move towards the front entrance, you come out of the King's Halls and into the ballroom. You see like dozens of guards pouring in. These ones are heavily armored. They have very good weapons, it looks like. This looks like the special forces of special forces for this land. Oh, that's scary. Um, and they are moving through the area, but it doesn't look like they spot you right away, so you could assume that your invisibility is working. Okay, I'm just gonna keep on jogging past. Okay, would you go ahead and just make a deck save to avoid getting brushed up by any of these guys? Damn.
SPEAKER_09It was like the most disappointing roll of all time because it didn't even roll, it just plopped on a big fat 17. Damn.
SPEAKER_06I think I think that's a re-roll. If it didn't roll, still a plop.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, if I got the number I don't like, I do get to re-roll. Is this something funny you say that? No. How does luck work in this again?
SPEAKER_08I have to tell you beforehand, right? No, you could choose to take a luck right now. If you want to spend a lucky- And that'll give me advantage? Luck makes it so you succeed the check.
SPEAKER_09Okay.
SPEAKER_08But you never get it back.
SPEAKER_09No, that's not true. You said it would be really hard if I got anything back. I remember.
SPEAKER_08You don't get any back at all.
SPEAKER_06A loophole.
SPEAKER_09He did say earlier though, go back in the episodes, folks. He said one time that if you do though, it would be really hard to do.
SPEAKER_05It's really hard to get it back.
SPEAKER_08That's a I'm pretty sure you said that, John. So hard that you won't ever get it back.
SPEAKER_05Why didn't you give us a 50, bro? This is fucked up.
SPEAKER_08You're such an ass. So I'm at- You got 20. You get 20 free rolls to just succeed in the entire campaign. That's pretty nice.
SPEAKER_09Except for when we use it, it makes it harder for our other luck rolls for the rest of the thing. It's not as crazy as you just said it was.
SPEAKER_04That's not terrible.
SPEAKER_09Do not be intellectually dishonest with me, sir. Yeah, what am I at? I'm at 18?
SPEAKER_08Well, you're at 18 if you spend it. I went ahead and took it out because it sounded like you were, but if you want me to put it back, I can't.
SPEAKER_07Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.
SPEAKER_08No, wait, actually, you're at 17 because you spent one last episode and you start with 19. It's not 20. It's 19.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, which is kind of fucked up if you think about it.
SPEAKER_08So fucked up.
SPEAKER_12You're right. That's bullshit. I went I went to used my luck if I didn't know I didn't start at 20.
SPEAKER_08You didn't start at 20 because you your character has been through hell in this world before you ever met the main characters. His is 14 right here.
SPEAKER_06Oh my god.
SPEAKER_08Oh my god. You hoed him. He started with 15.
SPEAKER_09Because he's at a higher level than we are, by the way.
SPEAKER_06I mean, he has so much.
SPEAKER_12But to be fair, it didn't do me any good.
SPEAKER_09Okay. Um fuck it. I'm not I'm not gonna use the luck point. I'm just gonna accidentally brush up against him, I guess.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so you're not gonna spend it. You're just gonna bump up against him.
SPEAKER_09And I'm just gonna keep on going. Okay. I'm not gonna hesitate to go.
SPEAKER_06Would you make terrible? Terrible. He said K.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so as you are walking through, you turn a corner and a dude is running through, right? And uh I want you to make a strength save to not tumble over.
SPEAKER_09Oh no. Alright, this time if the dice could actually roll, that'd be nice. 14.
SPEAKER_08Okay. You are gonna go ahead and tumble over.
SPEAKER_06Go ahead and do that.
SPEAKER_08Go ahead and fall. Sorry to make you make so many rolls in a row, but would you give me another deck save, please?
SPEAKER_09No, it's okay.
SPEAKER_06We're playing DD.
SPEAKER_09I like rolling. Oh, I almost said a bad word. Cause I'm so angry. 16. 16?
SPEAKER_1213. I infected you. I'm sorry, Isaiah.
SPEAKER_09Jacob, with all due respect, I started this business and you took over for a moment, but now the bird is back on me.
SPEAKER_08Gail. I got you next episode, dude. You get you're I mean, you get hit really hard by this, dude. Don't don't. And you fall backwards and you fall. Fall like down a step and you take four damage.
SPEAKER_09Bro! I hate you so much, John.
SPEAKER_08Okay, but if I'm not mistaken, let me read Stealth Armor description. The trade for stealth armor, the invisibility of stealth armor is that it's much shorter, but nothing can turn you back to being visible, not attacked, nor being attacked until you decide to become visible. So you're still visible, it's just that you get knocked really bad. This dude freezes in place and and holds up his arm. He just holds up his arm and a bunch of these guys behind him all freeze and they rotate with crossbows. Uh, what would you like to do?
SPEAKER_12Tiptoe in your Jordans.
SPEAKER_09I really thought that, like, I thought the worst case scenario was I was gonna like I was gonna brush up against his shoulder, and I was gonna like, he's gonna be like, whoa, something was there, and I'd keep running, hopefully. But you he pushed me back. I took four damage, and now everybody's aiming in my direction. This could not have gone worse for me.
SPEAKER_08They are waiting, they're sitting there quietly waiting for something to change. That's what I will tell you.
SPEAKER_09Uh, what what's my surroundings look like? Where what are what's to my left, what's to my right?
SPEAKER_08Okay, so you are in the ballroom, you almost made it to the exit out into the grand entrance. There's light pouring in from the grand entrance from the front door being open. So you're about like you can see the uh silhouette of headered and another large bird out the front speaking with one another. You are right at the exit of the ballroom on the first floor, and it's a big circular room. To your right is a bunch of tables, chairs, and stuff that's set up, and to your left a bunch of tables, chairs, and in front of you is a passageway and all. All of these dudes are are moving through with crossbows.
SPEAKER_09Alright, the best thing I can think of is I'm just gonna like try and pick up a rock and throw it to my right and see if I can make a noise.
SPEAKER_08Right, cool. Alright, I want you to roll an advantage deck save. And also, you're in a ballroom, so I'll say you grab a cup instead of a rock, because there's no rocks in here.
SPEAKER_12John, if he said he picked up a rock, he picked up a rock.
SPEAKER_08Notice. Eight. Eight. Not fantastic. I mean, it is a pass though. Your dex is nine, so you succeed, you toss the cup across the room. Literally, like the second that it hits a table, like probably like 30 arrows shoot into this thing.
SPEAKER_09Just like Can I can I amidst the sudden fire, the volley of arrows, using that as a cover for the sound of my footsteps, try and squeeze past them as quickly as I can.
SPEAKER_08Okay, you're trying to squeeze past them again. Yeah, just okay. I feel like that'll be just a flat stealth save as you're trying to weave through all these guys. But now they're not moving, so that's a little bit. So just go ahead and give me a deck save to weave through these guys. Here we go. Okay.
SPEAKER_09I'm using Isaiah.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, here we go. I'm so scared for you.
SPEAKER_09I'm using my vaxildon dice because he's a rogue, and this is a stealthy thing. Right. I'm giving it a kiss for good luck. What is it? A natural one. I'm not making that up. That's what I'm gonna do. The spirit of Vaxeldon. There is a Vaxildon.
SPEAKER_08Okay.
SPEAKER_09You weave and do I do a combat roll.
SPEAKER_08That is like solid snakes. You get like that is gonna cover you all the way through, okay? You weave through all through these guards. He's like, uh out in front, there is a bald eagle with heavy armor on, a very scary dark look in his eye, uh, a big scar over his his face, and on it that like moves forward onto his beak a little bit. You see Headard glance down at you as if he can see you through invisibility, and he just kind of tries to not react, and you move past them and make it out onto the street.
SPEAKER_09Oh, that's scary. Yeah. It's like that uh it's like when the flash is like trying to run up at Superman and Superman's eyes like look over at him.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, it was like that, but Headard is also on your side, so at least that's that's still so scary.
SPEAKER_09Alright, so what what do I know about where and this is just refreshing my memory. What do I know about where Roz would have gone? Where would she be? Last thing I know.
SPEAKER_08Because I don't remember. So you did not hear very much information. All you knew was that she was running. She was going down into the sewers, she didn't know exactly what was going on. That's about all the information that you would have. Sewers. Isaiah, would you make a luck roll? We're gonna hit him with the cheese dice. Alright.
SPEAKER_07The cheese grommet.
SPEAKER_08Two! Hell yeah, all right. So with uh such a lucky roll, you see Skimmer uh zipping about looking for somebody.
SPEAKER_09Okay, awesome.
SPEAKER_10D, are you ready, man?
SPEAKER_09I am as ready as Freddy Fazbear. Whatever that means. He's gonna kill some kids this episode.
SPEAKER_08So currently, you are the only person in the castle. You are decently injured. I'm gonna say you can walk, but you're gonna be moving at half speed. I would say a nand appears. After Gail leaves, uh, she actually has something on you've never seen her in. She has like ceremonial garb, it looks like, like a kind of a big headdress type thing, and she sets it on the ground and she kind of runs over to you, and she's like, What the fuck are you guys doing? What part of laying low is this?
SPEAKER_10Um, yeah, I don't even have a joke for that. Shit got fucked real fast.
SPEAKER_08I can fucking see that. Is that that's King Ferdinand? Did you kill King Ferdinand?
SPEAKER_10Um, I believe that was Gail. I was knocked unconscious for a little bit, so I don't even know what happened.
SPEAKER_08Okay. Um Okay, you need to get out of here. There's gods pulling pouring in the front.
SPEAKER_10Alright. Alright, this is gonna hurt a little bit, but I'm gonna try and teleport out of here. Okay. Alright, so you're gonna are you gonna try and teleport out? Yeah, I'm gonna try and teleport my way back to the um the pirate hotel.
SPEAKER_08Would you give me a luck safe, please? You gotta beat a 17.
SPEAKER_10Okay.
SPEAKER_08I rolled a one! Oh yeah, alright. Uh, with a one, you teleport in an alleyway. Yes. Really close to a wall. Like to the point where like you appear in the walls, like, right here. Woo! But you make it, okay? Uh, you don't like teleport into the wall or anything. You look up and look left, and you actually see about 10 feet down that the pirate hotel is down that way.
SPEAKER_10I get up and slowly make my way over to the pirate hotel and just kind of stumble in the room.
SPEAKER_08Okay. Brilliant. Uh you make it into this pirate hotel and you hear, Yurg, it's it's closed. We're not taking oh, old friend! I quickly come inside. Oh god, I mate. Oi! You look worse than than than Jimmy Bean's fucking deck. You never scrubbed a thing enough.
SPEAKER_11I I'll ask you about it later. Please take me to a room. I've got the pips to cover it. I'll god it hurts.
SPEAKER_08You got the pips? I got the s the squibs.
SPEAKER_11Come on in. I thank you, mate. I really appreciate it. Of course, of course. As a matter of fact, take an extra two pips on me. The generacy of this man.
SPEAKER_06Bro, the this is like a champion run of all of our best NPCs, I feel like.
SPEAKER_08So he leads you up into a a room, the same room that you stayed in before. Yeah, and the door gets closed. You close the door behind you, you're in this room.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, I just kind of stumble on over the bed like, uh. Uh can't drink the other potion? I'm already here. Fuck it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Alright. Go ahead and uh roll two D4. Alright. Uh, first one's a two, and I rolled another two.
SPEAKER_08Alright, you get a total of four HP back, you're back to eight HP. A Nand follows you into this room, she teleports after you, and she's like, good work. Let me see.
SPEAKER_10Here, here, and I just kinda hold up whatever Lankus damage. I don't even know which one.
SPEAKER_08She like looks over it and she creates these black-colored bandages and begins wrapping it, and she's like, that was stupid. Yeah, something like that.
SPEAKER_10The king was corrupt anyway, it's fine. Ah, god, he got me bad.
SPEAKER_08Was he the one that needed to die, by the way? She looks up at you, reaches up, and the chain appears and she yanks on it a little bit. Yo! And then continues rapping.
SPEAKER_10Ah, motherfucker, that was a waste of my time then. I should have just went after the thing.
SPEAKER_08Wait, Anand, can I ask you something? Yes, dear, anything I want. And she's rapping while this is happening, by the way. She's what?
SPEAKER_01Yo!
SPEAKER_08My name is Anand, and I'm here to say I like crows in a special way. Oh, barters.
SPEAKER_10Oh my god. Okay, sorry, T, go ahead. No, you're okay, it's fine. Um, you mentioned something about wanting us to get close to Headered. Why is that?
SPEAKER_08Well, I don't actually imagine it matters anymore. I was bartering for your trinket. What why? Because if I could get you a trinket, then I could give it to you and you could help me with a thing. But it's not important right now. Wall says it doesn't really matter to get too close to Headed anymore. I don't know exactly what Morgoth wanted, but he wanted to get your group close to Headered for some reason.
SPEAKER_10She reaches up at the chain and yanks at it. Well, I guess I shouldn't say that. I should say unwillingly. That's the mother sucker. I got you.
SPEAKER_08Because of this, obviously. But it's not worth digging into.
SPEAKER_10Alright, well, fair enough. I guess my next question is, um Jeremy was telling us about these seizures, I guess, that everybody was having. Right. And whenever I I felt a tingle, but I didn't actually have a seizure.
SPEAKER_08Whoa! You shouldn't tell me you should tell me about all of your tingles.
SPEAKER_10How come I haven't had a seizure yet? Do you have any idea why?
SPEAKER_08When these seizures take place, right, they that's the moment that the person who's currently working on building these specific things designed to defend the trinkets from you guys getting them back and being able to leave this realm, when those things are created, they have to be created intentionally. They began to work on yours, and then I stepped in and began bartering for it. And he put it on pause. If I manage to succeed at my end of the bargain of getting you guys close to headed, which seems kind of like maybe you guys started to, except now we're a little bit of you're at least in a little bit of bad standing with the king. I don't imagine you'll get very far now. Something tells me the king's not gonna be a problem. Well, yeah. Well, not this one anyway. She like grabs the chain again and like yanks it frustrated, like more to herself than anything, like just like, oh my god! And then she like takes a deep breath and she's like, there's too there's too much to explain. You don't have a seizure because I started bartering for your trinket. They stopped working on it. You should expect one probably in the next couple days. Because I imagine I haven't spoken to Morgoth since all of this happened. Haven't even spoken to him since Captain the Guard incident, so I don't even know where we're standing with that. So that's unfortunate. I'll talk to him, and maybe I could still manage to pull this barter around if you guys can get close to headed. I don't exactly know why or what the purpose is, but it would be good to have your trinket.
SPEAKER_10Don't worry about it, Anand. I don't want to go back. There's nothing for me. Nothing over there worth going to. I think I'd rather just stay here. With you. Dan, I know. It's much better here.
SPEAKER_08Dan, I don't want you to go back either. I have a better place for you.
SPEAKER_10Well, Anand, my biggest thing is I don't like being controlled. And you don't get to make that choice for me. So I'd like to stay here with you for as long as I can. And if you would let me do that, I'd greatly appreciate it.
SPEAKER_08We'll talk more about it later. And she va vanishes into feathers. And uh D, are you like passing out? What are you doing? Dan is 100% passing out.
SPEAKER_07He's out.
SPEAKER_08Alright. Okay, so Gail, you see Skimmer zipping around looking for uh looking for somebody. You don't know who.
SPEAKER_09So Gail, would she be out of range for headered and eagleunt to see? Eagle Eagle, yes. Eaglein, what a name.
SPEAKER_08Thank you. He's an eagle.
SPEAKER_06He's a hawk, actually.
SPEAKER_09He's definitely not an eagle, he's eagle.
SPEAKER_08He's a he's a bald eagle. You I mean there's guards everywhere. It is like everything is covered. There are guards setting up little areas where they're like loading weapons and they're preparing to move through. Also, you catch a little bit of the argument happening between Heather and Eaglant. You hear Eagleint scolding Hetard for his oof, for his lack of initiative and not running in to kill whoever was in there slaughtering guards, and Headard trying to explain to him there's a very complicated situation going in and he needs time. And Eaglund's like, I don't care. Sending in the troops. That's not his voice, but I'll we'll deal with that later. So you move past all these people with a natural one, you get out of the big area where they're doing staging, right? And you see skimmers zimming around. It's not like super safe to just become visible all of a sudden, but if you moved closer to him, you'd be moving further away from danger.
SPEAKER_09So Gail's first instinct is gonna be to like shout out to a skimmer, but she'll catch herself looking around and realizing that she shouldn't do that. Right. And she'll lay low and try and uh approach him and follow.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so you run around trying to keep up with skimmer as Mr. Skimmer is zipping around, uh, and you may get somewhere where you feel a little bit more safe being able to call out to him.
SPEAKER_09In that case, she would unbanf and drop her invisibility and say, Skimmer! Skimmer, come here, buddy. And then like whistle. If I could whistle, I would whistle.
SPEAKER_03But where's Roz?
SPEAKER_09Take me to Roz now. And then he goes, I'm darting there.
SPEAKER_08Okay, you are heading off, and Jacob, are you there? I am I am here.
SPEAKER_12Can you hear me?
SPEAKER_08Yes, I can hear you. Uh you Okay. I'm gonna cut to you and Allie for a minute. Uh Allie's like she leads you to an upstairs of the of the alchemy shop. Okay. And she's like, hang on one second. I'm gonna go put on something more comfortable. She starts walking into the other room.
SPEAKER_12Alright, that sounds perfect. I'm gonna say, and then I'm gonna like kind of do like a a long sigh, like, oh god, Samuel, what have you what role do you have to do now?
SPEAKER_09Damn, that's deep.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so you wait three minutes and then five minutes and then ten minutes, and then you hear coming from the other room. She's sleeping. Sounds like somebody's snoring. Can I like crack the door to see if she's sleeping or not? Yes. Okay, so you see like there's like clothes scattered across the room, and then there's just like a turtle shell with like you can't see any legs or anything. You just see like a turtle shell on the ground and you hear snoring coming from it.
SPEAKER_12Oh my god. Okay. Can I go and take her clothes?
SPEAKER_08What? Like off the ground and stuff?
SPEAKER_12Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_08Okay. You take her clothes. What would you like to do now?
SPEAKER_12I would like to. Um can I can I put on the clothes?
SPEAKER_08Yes, you can. Are you wanting to roll for disguise?
SPEAKER_12I suppose, yeah, I can.
SPEAKER_08Actually, pause. I'm gonna roll the D20 because I feel like you would have a bad idea of how effective a disguise would be for yourself. If somebody else was doing it for you. Okay. I know what the number is that would need to be beaten to be able to see through this disguise. Okay. That's what I will tell you. So you put on this disguise. Perfect. What would you like to do now?
SPEAKER_12I think I'm gonna lay low for a while. I think I'm is there like a chair or like a uh bed or anything I can like lay down in?
SPEAKER_08I feel like there's like a little rocking chair up there that you could sit in and hang out in. Okay. And that would be just fine with me. Okay.
SPEAKER_12I'll just uh I'll just rest then. I won't fall asleep then.
SPEAKER_08Okay. You okay, you're gonna hang out and rest there. Alright. Roz reporting for duty. You you see Skimmer come through the manhole cover that Jeremy had come through with Skimmer earlier. You're still outside that brick wall, and you see Gail stick her head in.
SPEAKER_06Oh god. Gail! You're here. Roz is Roz is kind of going a little uh she's panicking, so she's like uh trying to relieve the tension. Okay. In her mind and in her heart.
SPEAKER_09Have I poked my head into and I'm not like actually in there yet? Yeah. Okay, I would like to jump in there. Okay. And then run up and give Roz a big hug. Okay.
SPEAKER_06They embrace.
SPEAKER_09Oh my god, I was so worried you were gonna do something stupid. What is happening?
SPEAKER_06I thought you were gonna die.
SPEAKER_09I thought you were gonna die.
SPEAKER_06Me too. Me too, really.
SPEAKER_09That was such a that was such an intense fight, and Dan is well, hopefully Dan's in the secret room right now, but he was really injured and Oh my god.
SPEAKER_06I can't I can't worry about it. Just got your own right now. I I'm worried about every single one of us right now. Have you seen Samuel and Jessica?
SPEAKER_09No, I don't know what's going on with them.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I can't think about this.
SPEAKER_09Headard's getting chewed out by this the uh he called it the head of war or some stupid shit. I don't know. Great. They're just they're fighting. He's in trouble. I had to get out of there.
SPEAKER_06Rat politics.
SPEAKER_09Rat politics.
SPEAKER_06Um, well, look, I don't think it's over yet. I think there's still potential for for great danger, great harm. Um Rex dragged Jack behind that wall. He pushed a brick on the wall, and then he he went behind that wall. So Jeremy and I actually were just about to to go in. I just wanted Skimmer to let one of you know where we were.
SPEAKER_09Rex?
SPEAKER_06But I we can't wait any longer. We have we have to go in.
SPEAKER_09Rex dragged him? Yes.
SPEAKER_06It's a long story.
SPEAKER_09Oh my god, I knew that motherfucker couldn't be trusted. I know.
SPEAKER_06Is he working for a kid?
SPEAKER_09Oh god. Oh god.
SPEAKER_06Shock of the century, tell me about it.
SPEAKER_08I feel like it's also worth mentioning that he uh he had a giant tentacle arm.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I don't really know. I don't know what's happening with Rex. I I have no idea. And it and it kind of reminds me a little bit of uh of Goop, that thing that we chased that Jack threw up in the forest, you remember? Yeah, I do. It reminds me a lot of that. Anyways, long story. We're in the sewer now. I can't, in good faith, just leave Jack to die, so here I am. And Jeremy came down. Brave as he is. So now we're here, and I'm a little scared to go in. I'm really scared to go in.
SPEAKER_09Uh okay, I took some damage in the in the castle, so if you have healing stuff and can throw that my way, that'd be great. I I'm gonna radio Dan and see if if he's got to the secret room yet, or if he's okay, because I left him in a pretty tight spot. So I'll I'll lean into the Rocky Talking and be like, Dan, do you read me? Over?
unknownShh.
SPEAKER_08Nothing but static as long as you're in the sewers.
SPEAKER_09And I would know it's the sewers. You would know it's the probably the sewers.
SPEAKER_06Did Jeremy take damage? No. Okay. No, he's rocking. How much damage did Gail take?
SPEAKER_09I don't know if you updated my thing right, John, because it you said I took four damage, but I was at six out of eight when I looked just a second ago.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, because you participated in Jack's feast and you were at 10 HP.
SPEAKER_09Oh, spectacular.
SPEAKER_06So how wait, how many is it now? Just it's at six out of eight?
SPEAKER_09Yeah. Okay. I thought it was gonna update to be worse than it was.
SPEAKER_06I'm gonna let that ride then. Um, but I don't know that. Anyway. Let it ride.
SPEAKER_09Okay.
SPEAKER_06I Raz is gonna say, uh, I'm going in. You guys can either wait out here or come in, but Gail, our whole plan basically was that uh Jeremy's basically a combat machine, so he's gonna go in in front. I'm gonna try and Yeah, come on now. I'm a combat machine. He is. He is. He's a little uneasy, but he is a combat machine.
SPEAKER_08He's like, let's just do this. And he goes to try to press the button, but he can't reach it because he's too short. He's like, somebody else is gonna have to press the button.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I'll do it. Um anyways, I fill Gail in what we're doing. I don't know what Gail, I don't know what you want to do. Um, if you want to be concealed or if you want to go in fighting with Jeremy out in the open, but I'm gonna try and stay concealed and heal you guys while you fight because that is pretty much all I'm good for.
SPEAKER_08So I would like to tell you guys uh a thing.
SPEAKER_04Go ahead.
SPEAKER_08Gail and Jeremy would both know this, as they both entered into the sewer from around where Roz is at. You guys are pretty close back by the castle. You are heading towards underneath the castle in the sewer system. That's what I will tell you.
SPEAKER_09Okay, good to know.
SPEAKER_06We're going in.
SPEAKER_09We have to Listen, Roz, I'm all for it, okay? I understand. I couldn't I couldn't let D die when he was getting attacked by the king, so I made a move as well. I'm with you. But first, I need a radio D, so let me climb back up this sewer. Give me a second to figure out what's going on with him and let him know where we are at and that we're okay, and we'll go right in, alright? Alright. Okay.
SPEAKER_06Alright. But please hurry.
SPEAKER_09I will. And I'm gonna climb up the thing.
SPEAKER_08Okay. Gail, would you go ahead and roll me a deck safe, please?
SPEAKER_09Oh fuck me. It's a 19. I follow my ass.
SPEAKER_08No, you climb up fine. You make it out and you call D go ahead.
SPEAKER_09It was a stealth thing. Okay, so like before. I'll say, D, do you do you read me over? Or Dan, my phone.
SPEAKER_10Would I hear my Rocky Talkie going off, or am I am I out of it?
SPEAKER_08Tell me how you're sleeping, D. I mean, like, are you sleeping with the Rocky Talkie on your person? Because if so, it's touching you, it'll speak directly into your brain and probably wake you up.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, I'd say Dan probably just like crawled into bed, had his chat with a nand, and then just out like a light. Okay.
SPEAKER_08You will awaken to to hear Gail speaking directly into your brain through your Rocky Talkie.
SPEAKER_10Oh, what a nightmare.
SPEAKER_08That's so not nice.
SPEAKER_09I'm never saving Dan ever. That's okay. Twice now I've done it and I'm never doing it.
SPEAKER_08Alright, Dan, what would you what would you like to do?
SPEAKER_09Uh I guess Dan won't wake up. Uh Gail, what's going on? Uh I'm I've found Roz. We're in the sewers. Shit went down with Jack. Rex is a traitor. Called it. Uh, we're gonna go after him and see if we can help Jack. Are you in the secret room yet? No, I had to get the hell out of there. There was no way I was gonna make it.
SPEAKER_07Fuck.
SPEAKER_09Why didn't you go? You could have snuck your way to it. I had to save Roz. She said she was gonna She said she loved us and that she was I don't know, I thought she was gonna die. Alright, fair enough. I'm not gonna hold it to you. You don't hold it to me. Where are you then?
SPEAKER_10How did you- Where are you? What is going on? I teleported my way out. I made it to the I made it back to the pirate hotel.
SPEAKER_09Fuck.
SPEAKER_10Listen, I've come help you guys out, but I am not in a state to take a fight with anything. What the hell's going on with Rex? Yeah, he's a traitor.
SPEAKER_09I don't know. Tentacles coming out of him. Fuck if I what? Tentacles?
SPEAKER_10What the fuck do you mean tentacles?
SPEAKER_09I don't know. I wasn't here, but it's it's a whole fucking thing. So Jeremy, Roz, and I, we're gonna go in there and we're gonna see if we can help him get out, but it looks like we're headed in the direction of the the castle while in the sewers. Alright. Um I don't wanna speak too soon, but maybe we could still get what? Behind you you hear ps. Okay, hold on. Uh turn around.
SPEAKER_08You see uh Stessica is on the on the wall as if she is like stuck to it. She's like, hi oh, huh?
SPEAKER_01What the fuck is happening? I don't I don't know where Samuel is. I don't know.
SPEAKER_08I don't know. He was he was I don't know, he was he was uh surrounded by guards. I don't know what's happening. I don't know where to go. He teleported me up above on the tree above the castle, and I climbed down, I saw you. I got a natural one. Right down here. Yeah, it's perfect. I'm standing. I ran down here using my armor of climbing, which is a thing I bought that I don't think I've ever talked about, but I do have.
SPEAKER_09It's okay. I I did that with my stealth armor.
SPEAKER_08I have made it down here. What's happening?
SPEAKER_09Where do I need it? Yeah, what's going on? One second. Uh Dan, I found Stestica. She's uh on the wall. Uh I think um tell her to come with. I don't know what's going on, but she's gonna come with us and we're gonna try and go back into the castle. So you're safe and you're just gonna sleep it off, I guess?
SPEAKER_10Uh I don't see what else I could really do aside from the I don't know why I'm whispering. I mean, uh, yeah, that's that's what I'm gonna do.
SPEAKER_06Dan's whispering.
SPEAKER_10Listen, you guys, be safe, please be safe. Do what you gotta do, and once I'm healed up enough to go out again, I'll try and go find Samuel and see if I can get him and rendezvous with him. I have no clue where he's at.
SPEAKER_08Okay, let me just tell you kind of the general gist of where I last saw him, and then she relays that information to you in a way that you can comprehend where he once was.
SPEAKER_10Okay. Alright. I assume she's telling that to to Gail, and Gail's recounting that to me.
SPEAKER_08Okay, cool. Sounds good.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, if you wanna if you wanna look for him later. Listen, we'll be in contact, but when I go down to these sewers, I I'm not gonna be able to contact you. Also, Headard should be hearing all of this, right?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, but Headard's also in front of somebody else.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, so it's not like he can respond, but he's hearing this. Yeah. Okay, that's the most important. You guys be safe, alright? Oh, you two. Get your get your rest. Uh, don't die. Please don't die. I wasn't planning on it. It's Desica. Yeah. We're going on a a rescue mission for for Jack.
SPEAKER_08Jack? What the fuck happened with Jack?
SPEAKER_09It's a it's a long story. I haven't been filled in entirely. Uh, something about tentacles and Rex being a traitor. Oh my god. Just come with us. We're gonna need all the people that we can. Okay. Okay, okay. Let's do it. Alright, it's okay.
SPEAKER_08Go into the sewer. Okay. You guys are all in the sewers. Does somebody press the button to open the stone wall?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, but first I'm gonna I'm gonna be like, Stessica, what the fuck? Where did you come from?
SPEAKER_09Hi. This is Stessica. I found her on the wall.
SPEAKER_06Roz is gonna look at Jeremy and be like, dude, it was so futile just a few minutes ago. I'm feeling a little bit more confident. Uh, but yes, I press the button. I press the brick on the wall.
SPEAKER_08Okay, you reach over Jeremy, who is stealing himself, sword in hand. Uh he ignites his magic sword uh and it lights up your path in front of you. As the doors open, you see the blood trail heading forward into what looks like a tunnel carved within the inside of a birch tree. Root. Okay? Uh-huh. Uh are you proceeding forward?
SPEAKER_06Yes. Uh, can Roz also cast on her spellcaster armor um healing bolt?
SPEAKER_08Oh shit, yeah, absolutely. Roll a D6 with advantage, please.
SPEAKER_06I got a five and a one.
SPEAKER_08So you can either expend one sh one charge of your spell and have have it heal five HP, or you can take the one and have it not expend a charge, except at any point in time, you can cast and heal somebody for two HP.
SPEAKER_06I'll do the latter.
SPEAKER_08Okay. So you have a charge on your armor for two HP, you should write that down somewhere. Yep. So you guys move through this tunnel for about uh one minute of just moving through darkness. You are following a blood trail at this moment. Raz, there's no sign of the meat walls at this point. It has moved fully through this whole area. And at some point the blood trail turns in a sharp right turn into the wall. As if it passes underneath it and moves beyond uh the wall itself, despite the wall looking quite solid.
SPEAKER_06Raz is gonna look around for something on the wall, like a give or like a notch or something like that.
SPEAKER_08So when you reach to touch the wall, Raz, uh your hand goes through it.
SPEAKER_06I'm go I'm going through, I'm walking.
SPEAKER_08Okay. Uh Jeremy is like tries to rush himself back in front of the pack, and he's like, I got this.
unknownI got this.
SPEAKER_08And actually, as you guys step through, pretty quickly and abruptly, there there is a set of stairs headed straight down. Great. Uh beyond what you could possibly see at this point.
SPEAKER_06Roz is breathing hard.
SPEAKER_09I'd also like to to say that Gail and Jeremy would be up at the front.
SPEAKER_08Okay.
SPEAKER_06That makes sense, yes.
SPEAKER_08And upon walking through this illusion, you guys hear the following sounds. You hear the sound of bat chirping.
SPEAKER_05Oh fuck.
SPEAKER_08The sound of a male voice screaming. But you can tell from the way that the screams sound that this is a voice that has been that was at one time screaming in severe pain, but has become so hoarse from screaming for so long that the voice is faded. But it still is screaming.
SPEAKER_06Oh my god.
SPEAKER_08And you hear the echoey drips of water falling from the ceiling.
SPEAKER_06That's horrible.
SPEAKER_08What would you guys like to do?
SPEAKER_09Stay the course.
SPEAKER_08Okay.
SPEAKER_06Uh Ra Raza's gonna kinda pull off to the side and wretch for a second.
SPEAKER_09Okay.
SPEAKER_06Upon hearing the screaming.
SPEAKER_08That makes sense.
SPEAKER_09Gail would would pull aside to like pat her on the back, by the way. Okay. And fight the urge to puke too, because watching somebody puke, you know.
SPEAKER_08And then Jeremy's like, nope, don't, don't, don't. I see puke. I hear if I hear other people doing it, I'm gonna You guys gotta stop.
SPEAKER_06I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That sounds okay. No, I'm sorry. I'm fucking I'm scared, guys. Okay, I'm so fucking scared. Shut the fuck up. I'm so fucking scared.
unknownOkay, we're ready. We're gonna go.
SPEAKER_06We're gonna go. Let's go. Yeah, let's let's just go, let's go.
SPEAKER_08You guys move down about three stories of stairs before you see any kind of lantern light. And as all as you guys are per pr moving further, you begin to smell the smell of rotten flesh. Once again. You begin hearing all of these sounds but louder. Um the bat noises stop, and you move forward into this. And I'm gonna tell you something that this room is massive. You see the blood trail leads uh straight all the way across the room and starts curving left. You see a lot of shit. But I'm gonna now tell you. Okay.
SPEAKER_09Literal shit? No.
SPEAKER_08I'm gonna start from like the big stuff in the room and move towards the small stuff. You see a massive cavern. It is probably like it's like football field size to you guys. Okay?
SPEAKER_09Oh, to us, okay.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. To you guys.
SPEAKER_09For a second I was mortified.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so you see a bunch of tunnels leading out on all sides. Furthest to the left side, you see a very big tunnel headed out. To the right, you see a set of stairs that move up uh up the side of the wall and then turn into the wall and start heading very uh uh sharply upwards. Above that staircase, it reads palace entrance. Really? Along the sides of the wall, to your right, by that staircase, you see several sleeping beasts that, if any of you guys know, rodents. Does it does any character here would would they know about rodents? Would they kind of know little fun obscure rodents? I feel like I don't think Gil could lay claim to that. Okay.
SPEAKER_06Yes, I would.
SPEAKER_08Okay, Raz, you would recognize them as shrews. Oh. They are chained to the wall, and there is a foam in their mouth, and they are sleeping. To the left of you, and at the center of the room, there is the biggest thing that you can see at this current moment in time, which is a casket. A human-sized casket.
SPEAKER_09Oh no. What the fuck?
SPEAKER_08It has a big castle-style double door uh at its center, and closer to you, but still to the left, running parallel with this casket is a enormous cage. Uh you see one silhouette in it, uh, not moving but laying down. To the right of this cage you see uh pretty horrifying sight. You see three critters suspended in a metal structure with their hands uh in an X position, upside down, uh, and there is they all are dead. There is a system that is dripping the blood from their bodies down and into a what looks like a makeshift well. But down further in this cavern, there is another one of those. To your right, and in between the blood fountains and the stairs, you see an altar. It is boasting a massive uh statue made of obsidian of a creature that looks almost like a humanoid crow, but if a crow had torn the beak from its face and underneath it had the jaws of a piranha. Um on his back there are spikes that reach out and are so long that they hang low like a porcupine's. He stands in a very head held high, hands-up, godlike pose. Beside him are several other statues. A statue of the King Ferdinand bowing. You see a crow humanoid that looks much more healthy and normal. Standing tall, you see beyond that a statue of what appears to be a human woman um wearing goth clothing, kneeling at the feet of of the statue of this terrifying creature. And as your eyes follow the blood trail, you see the final thing in this room. And I'm sorry for the very long-winded explanation of this room. There's a lot in here.
SPEAKER_09No, no, no, it's okay.
SPEAKER_08There is a growing out of the wall, there is a mass of meat. Uh, and the blood trail leads to this mass of meat. Mass of meat is not massive. Massive meat.
SPEAKER_09Uh oh no.
SPEAKER_08And there appears to be an a sphincter style entrance into this.
SPEAKER_06Oh what you could have just said circle, bro. What the fuck?
SPEAKER_08Because it's a sphincter. And it's closed. It's a closed butthole up here. Alright.
SPEAKER_09We got massive meat right next to a butthole. What the hell?
SPEAKER_08Butthole door into massive meat.
SPEAKER_09Damn, you're a freak, man. So what would you guys like to do? Follow the blood trail? Yes, that's definitely a good idea.
SPEAKER_08Okay. You move past the first of the structures that are draining blood from critters. Um, and then you see on the far side of this altar who the person who was screaming was. There appears to be a gray mouse whose hands are shackled behind him, holding him against a spike over this altar in front of the statue of the grotesque creature, and he is like very much so barely conscious, just kind of groaning and yelling in pain, despite his voice being so hoarse.
SPEAKER_06Um, can Roz go to to see if she can get him down from there?
SPEAKER_09Okay.
SPEAKER_08So you you walk up to him.
SPEAKER_09Gail would like to shout and be like, wait, we don't know if it's safe or not. You're shouting? Well, I mean, just just to as loud as I need to for Roz.
SPEAKER_06You gonna yell in here?
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_09You'd like to yell in here? Roll a uh Roll. Jeez. He wants me to roll.
SPEAKER_08Actually, you know what I will do is I will roll for them instead.
SPEAKER_06Nope, hate that.
SPEAKER_08That's it.
SPEAKER_06Hate that more, actually.
SPEAKER_08Uh you even just in this harsh whispered tone, one of the the mole, I mean sorry, the shrew closest to you, jolts awake and lunges until he hits the end of his chain and he goes and he's reaching at you, and foam is pouring out of his mouth. And the mouse turns to you, Roz is like, help, help me, help me.
SPEAKER_06Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry. I'm gonna I'm gonna figure out a way to get you out.
SPEAKER_01I just I just went to a camp. I just went to a camp. And now I'm here. I just I never wanted to be here.
SPEAKER_08Insight check. Okay, yeah. Go ahead and roll a uh a will save. Roz fell for that shit.
SPEAKER_09Nine. I got a nine.
SPEAKER_08Uh does not beat your will, but as far as you can tell, he seems to be telling the truth. I'm still weary. You're still you can you can still 100% be weary, but you have no new information.
SPEAKER_01So he's like, please, just let me go, please let me go, please let me go, please, please.
SPEAKER_06Roz is gonna take her sickle and what camp did you go to?
SPEAKER_01I don't know, it was fucking breakup camp, man. I I thought it was gonna help.
SPEAKER_08I thought it was gonna help. I thought it was just please.
SPEAKER_09Where? Which breakup camp?
SPEAKER_08I don't know, fuck man. I'm in Indiana. I grew up in Indiana.
SPEAKER_09You went to a miss you went to a heartbreak camp in Indiana?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_08Old bearded man, old bearded man. Glasses, smokes, green suit. He he he took uh he took tr he took trinket a thing from me something that was important, and then we ended up here. I turned into this. Please, please don't leave me, don't leave me.
SPEAKER_09Can I roll another insight for that?
SPEAKER_08Yes, I will give you one more, and that's gonna be all you get for being able to detect beyond what he's telling you.
SPEAKER_09Okay. A six.
SPEAKER_08Uh, that matches your current will. You are very sure he's telling the truth.
SPEAKER_09Gail would turn to Raz and say, Indiana.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, that's um that's not fucking good.
SPEAKER_09That sick bastard was going around.
SPEAKER_06This thing is way bigger than I thought it was. Oh shit. But I guess to assume that we were all Michiganders was a little was a little naive. Okay. Raz is gonna take her sickle. Right. Um, and turn to Gail and be like, Can you help me with this? Yeah. I I gotta get him down from there.
SPEAKER_09I will help.
SPEAKER_06So Raz is gonna. Does he have shackles on his feet?
SPEAKER_08Uh yeah.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Raz is Raz is gonna break those first. Okay.
SPEAKER_08Uh would you go ahead and roll the damage for your sickle, please?
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Uh three. You break the one on his feet. And he is like moving his legs around, like stretching them and stuff, because he like you can tell he was like held in this position for like a minute.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Gail, can you pull them away from the spike while I cut the top ones?
SPEAKER_08Uh, yeah.
SPEAKER_06So, yeah. So Raz is gonna break the top ones now.
SPEAKER_08Okay. Go ahead and roll a DA.
SPEAKER_06One.
SPEAKER_08This one does not quite break all the way. It like mostly breaks. You can go ahead and try again. I was gonna say if you're gonna attack it again.
SPEAKER_06I didn't know if there were limits on that. Seven.
SPEAKER_08Alright. Uh, with seven that definitely breaks. Um, another one of those shrews wakes up and starts pulling at his chain ferociously. He is going to try and break it. He does not. Don't think fucking. So he is fucking really yanking at that thing, and he's like, it is like horrifying to see how much passion that this thing is yanking at this chain. Like, it is really wanting to get at you guys. And the two that are currently awake out of the three that you've seen are really ravenously trying to get at you guys and pulling out their chains. Jesus. So he gets up and he's like, thank you, thank you, we gotta get out of here.
SPEAKER_06Before he comes out, we gotta get out of here. Can you tell me any more about that? How long have you been down here? What's happening?
SPEAKER_07I've been down here at least three months, I don't know. Oh my god. I they have more.
SPEAKER_08Um they moved them. Recently they moved them. There were more of them, but um dude they were from they were from Earth too. Um they they took them out the big tunnel that way. Uh, and and they fill that cage over there probably weekly. Um, with I don't know, they don't look familiar to me. They could be coming from Earth, but maybe they're just coming from somewhere here. But like the the the mast guys, they bring them down through the tunnels, they put them in that big cage, and then they ship them out through the big through the big thing. Yeah. And it's this whole thing.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_08The whole thing here is is is is run by the guy in there.
SPEAKER_06What is the guy like?
SPEAKER_08He doesn't know you're here. He's gonna know he's a bat. He's a fucking bat. Uh he he um That's that guy you guys are talking about, right, Gail? Killian. His name's Killian.
SPEAKER_06Yes. Yes.
SPEAKER_08We gotta get out of here.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Alright, thank you. It's gonna be fine. We're gonna get you out of here.
SPEAKER_08He is like uh malnourished. The skin on his uh body is is very um discolored. He has patches of fur missing on him, and he seems really, really unwell. Like this dude has been through it for the past couple months. Um So are you guys heading towards the blood trail once again or no?
SPEAKER_06Well, yeah, Raza's gonna ask if he'd seen a green gecko get dragged in here.
SPEAKER_08Um, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He he came through you don't talk when he's here normally. Um because he that guy is just the fucking the mouse thing is fucking ridiculous. It's I don't know. It it it's in there though. It took him in there and he gestures towards the the mound of uh meat.
SPEAKER_06Oh god. Alright. Um Raza's gonna uh cast healing bolt on this guy.
SPEAKER_08Okay, are you gonna use the charge from your armor or are you gonna use the charge from uh just using a new charge?
SPEAKER_06I'm going to use a new charge.
SPEAKER_08Okay, go ahead and roll a d6, please. With advantage. Oh god a one. Okay, so you heal this guy back one HP. Damn. So he's like Thanks. Thanks. We should We should just go. That guy's listen. People don't come out of here, man. This guy is serious. We should just go. And he's like, there's like tears like moving down his face.
SPEAKER_06My friend's in there. I gotta.
SPEAKER_08Where's the exit? Can I go? Can I go? Do I have to stay?
SPEAKER_06Go, dude. No, you don't have to stay. Get out of here.
SPEAKER_08Roz. You and Gail both make will saves.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_08Five.
SPEAKER_09That's good. Five's good.
SPEAKER_06Oh fuck. I got a nat 20, brother.
SPEAKER_08You trust this man, you think everything's fine, you would you would trust him enough to turn your back to him. You he is being genuine. He is scared. He's not currently intending to harm any of you guys. What you notice, Gail, because you rolled, I think, below your will. Yeah. Even despite its uh how much damage you've taken. You notice that he has a bite mark on him. Um, on his abdomen. And you would notice that his pupils are very thin. We gotta get out of here, please. We can get out of here.
SPEAKER_09I would say that Gail would put herself between Raz and this guy and say, Where'd you get that bite mark, buddy? And gesture towards his abdomen.
SPEAKER_08Okay. He can't help himself. He glances towards one of the shrews. Uh, and he's like, I don't I don't know why they did it.
SPEAKER_07Okay, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go.
SPEAKER_09No, no, no. Don't go anywhere. What's not your fault? What happened with that those shrews? I'm also gonna sh shout at uh Jessica Jessica and Jeremy and say, get away from those things.
SPEAKER_06You're gonna shout? Okay.
SPEAKER_09Well, you know, hold on. Yeah, how loud? What is the volume? Two. Two on a 100 TV.
SPEAKER_08Two on a 100 TV.
SPEAKER_09He's like, just let me go.
SPEAKER_07He's like, let me go.
unknownLet me go. Let me go. Let me go.
SPEAKER_09I wanna let you go. You gotta answer my question.
SPEAKER_08Just they bit me, man. The shrews. They bite people, and then that's it. They just bit me.
SPEAKER_09What happens when they bite people?
unknownFuck.
SPEAKER_07Oh fuck.
SPEAKER_08And he's gonna start running towards the entrance.
SPEAKER_09Uh, I want to close line that motherfucker.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_08Roll a deck safe, please. With advantage because he is malnourished as fuck.
SPEAKER_06Dex Dex was good.
SPEAKER_09What'd you get? I got a natural 20 and an eight. Nice. Okay. But my heart drops.
SPEAKER_08So it hurts you a little bit, but he gets clothesline, he falls down. Um, I mean, he's pretty brilliant.
SPEAKER_09Okay, I wanna pin it, I wanna pin him to the ground. Okay. But keep my keep my extremities away from his mouth. Yeah, and as you were trying to pin him, he's like, I'll fucking bite you, I'll fucking put you.
SPEAKER_08Let me go.
SPEAKER_06Let me go!
SPEAKER_09I'm not going anywhere near the the mouth. Okay. And I'm gonna say, Roz, help me out!
SPEAKER_06Yeah, Roz is gonna come over and and pin him down with the the butt end of her sickle, like his chest down there.
SPEAKER_08Okay, okay, yep. Alright, so you guys are currently pinning this man down.
SPEAKER_06I'm gonna say, you you better tell us what the fuck is actually going on down here. Unless you want to die. Okay.
SPEAKER_08Please make an advantaged will save to try to intimidate this guy. Roz is angie.
SPEAKER_06I got an 11. I succeeded.
SPEAKER_08You succeeded. Okay, that's really good. He looks at you and tears are rolling down his face. He's like, they start to go crazy. They start to fall into fucking mouth, and then they take him. I don't know where, they just fucking take him. And I don't know where they never come back, and they don't act like themselves anymore. I gotta go get help. I can go get help.
SPEAKER_06So they're coming back for you. They're gonna come back for me.
SPEAKER_07They're gonna come back.
SPEAKER_01God fucking damn it.
SPEAKER_08Gail's gonna punch him in the head as hard as she can. Word. Alright, make an advantage strength save, please. Three. Three, hell yeah. Go ahead and roll a D6. Yes, sir. Four. You knock him the fuck out.
SPEAKER_09Like, he's Okay, um, I wanna tie him up immediately. Alright, and while while I'm doing that, I'm gonna tell Roz we can't let him go anywhere.
SPEAKER_01I'm sorry, Gail. I thought he you know, I thought he was I thought he was just a sad guy getting tortured.
SPEAKER_09We both hoped he was a sad guy getting tortured, and he was, but there's something wrong, and we can't let him go.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_06Alright. That makes sense.
SPEAKER_09And we can't let him we can't we can't let him stay here because if they come back then they're gonna know that we are here.
SPEAKER_06What do we do with him?
SPEAKER_09Mmm. Mmm. Reading my book.
SPEAKER_08Okay. They're gonna know we were here reading my numbers book that I have that I made. Full of numbers that I decided.
SPEAKER_06That makes me so, so nervous.
SPEAKER_08I rolled a number on one of my numbers stones. Um and it is below one of the numbers I put in my number book. Okay, dude. Okay, dude. One of the shrews breaks free from the stones.
SPEAKER_06Oh my fucking god.
SPEAKER_08With the chain and is rapidly moving at you. What who? Who? It is rapidly moving at I would say probably Jeremy, because Jeremy has a light with his sword, is light up, is lit up with magic. Do I have time to react to this at all? If you guys would like to make a move before him, I want you to make a deck save. I got a 10. I succeed. I don't. Well, just tell me what number you got. I got an eight. I got an 18. Okay. Gail will go last. Raz, you go first. Yeah. What are you doing uh in reaction?
SPEAKER_06Throwing my sickle at the shrew.
SPEAKER_08Okay.
SPEAKER_06Maximum damage.
SPEAKER_08I want you to roll uh d6 for throwing your sickle.
SPEAKER_06I've got a six. Let's go.
SPEAKER_08You throw your sickle and it literally chops the head off of this thing.
SPEAKER_06Holy shit. Wow. Goaded. What the fuck?
SPEAKER_08Jesus Christ. It moved with such insane speed that it was like horrifying to witness, but it went down very easily. So you see this thing and its muscles are like twitching violently, tweaking out on the ground. And Jeremy's just sitting there with this sword, like, oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
SPEAKER_01Holy shit. Fuck. Did you guys see that?
SPEAKER_09Gail Gail does say, Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_08And you see that Stessica has a bow and arrow and she just barely like is knocking an arrow into it now. And she's like, okay, everybody weapons like that. What the fuck was that? Why did you shoot that thing over there while it's still chained up? Uh Roz, do you recover your your sickle? 100%, yes.
SPEAKER_09Okay. Yeah, you go pick it up. Okay. I'm gonna kill the shrews. You're gonna with my sword. You're gonna kill the shrews? Yeah, I'm just gonna fucking.
SPEAKER_06Dude, okay, wait, but weren't we just worried about having having mouse's body down there? We're just gonna kill all the shrews.
SPEAKER_09I'm not worried about that anymore. I say as I swing.
SPEAKER_08Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't get close to them. I have a bow and arrow. I shoot them. Do it! Do it, Stessica!
SPEAKER_09Jarvis oil bombs, please.
SPEAKER_08I'm shooting! I'm shooting! Okay, so she she is going to shoot her bow and arrow and try to kill the two remaining ones. Jesus Christ. She shoots two arrows and it doesn't kill. She kills one of them, but she doesn't kill the other, and she shoots another arrow and kills it. So all three of the shrews are currently dead.
unknownOkay, we're good.
SPEAKER_08I want everybody to roll me a deck save and tell me when you get it.
SPEAKER_06This is terrible. Okay. Oh, oh, buddy. That's a net 20.
SPEAKER_08No, Catherine! Knock it off!
SPEAKER_06What do you mean? I I can't help that.
SPEAKER_08Okay, so how many successes, how many failures?
SPEAKER_06I failed.
SPEAKER_08I failed. Okay. You hear.
SPEAKER_06What are we here, brother?
SPEAKER_08I hate you so much.
SPEAKER_06What's he doing?
SPEAKER_08Don't do that. It is not good manners to enter the home of another and then kill their pets. Standing over the gray mouse is a bat. He is looking down at the little mouse and he reaches down and picks it up. There is their tension grows as he starts picking up this mouse and it starts to pull against the ropes. Did you tie him to something or did you tie him to himself? Like is he just I just tied him up like arms by his back. Yeah. Okay. He uh picks up the mouse. Uh you can't see his feet move, but he is gliding. And he moves over to where the shrew is. He shackles the chain around the little gray mouse and sets him down. And he says, Quick, decisive, intelligent. And he looks at Gail and he's like, I was right about you.
SPEAKER_06Fuck this guy.
SPEAKER_08He stands up and he's like, come. I don't want you to miss it. And he starts gliding towards the sphincter mass of meat. The sphincter.
unknownOh god.
SPEAKER_08Uh uh. Was he talking to just Gail or was he talking to everybody? He he was gesturing to kind of everybody when he said that bit.
SPEAKER_06Actually, I think that maybe we oughta go.
SPEAKER_08Uh he turns and looks at Roz uh after she says, Actually, I think we need to go. Uh Roz, would you make a a disadvantaged willsafe, please? Oh, that's not good.
SPEAKER_06I can.
SPEAKER_08Cool.
SPEAKER_06Ooh, ooh. Hopefully that's another one that I get this next turn. I got a 16.
SPEAKER_08He turns and his eyes glow red and he says, and Roz's eyes glow red, and she begins to walk towards the bat.
SPEAKER_06Oh bruh, my character's not even my character anymore. She's gone.
SPEAKER_09Gail's gonna grab her by the hand as she steps in front of her.
SPEAKER_08So the moment your skin touches Roz's, you you know he didn't teleport because you feel the rush of wind. The bat is right over you, and he says, You can't stop this. You can come with me. Or you can die. And then he turns around slowly and begins to move back towards the meat.
SPEAKER_06I hate the way you're describing that.
SPEAKER_08Jeremy's sword kind of like is shaking, and he he like puts the dagger in his belt and he's like, I think we should just go.
SPEAKER_09Gail's gonna, without another word, keep walking towards him, but she won't let go of Raz's hand. Okay.
SPEAKER_06I'm sure deep in Raz's subconscious, she enjoys that.
SPEAKER_09That's nice.
SPEAKER_08I feel like yeah, Stessica is definitely going with as well. You all enter the meat. The meat. You as you step onto it, it's very gushy and kind of like feels unstable to stand on, as there's just muscle upon muscle upon muscle that is contracting and releasing, and the sphincter opens wide enough for all of you to pass through.
SPEAKER_06I hate everything about this. Me too.
SPEAKER_08As you move closer to that wall, you also notice that hidden in the shadows of the stone, what you could not see beyond the limited lantern light in this whole area, it's pretty dark, is how many uh creatures or corpses were hanging from the far wall. Uh, from chains. Nearly the entire wall is covered in them. You enter into this meat structure, and the horrible sight that's before you is pretty pretty rough on all of your psyche, I would imagine. Because you see Jack, his skin is split open across multiple seams as if they were removing his skin as if it was a shirt.
SPEAKER_03Oh fuck it.
SPEAKER_08Different parts of his body are floating in uh zero gravity, his eyes are outside of his head, his jaw is bisected in half and a little bit away. He is in pieces floating in this m mass of flesh. And you see at the center of it a very small, very familiar little creature that once exited out of Jack's stomach, now seems to return to it, and is growing slowly to fit the shape of what once was your friend.
SPEAKER_10Jesus John Christmas.
SPEAKER_08Isaiah Nyman as Gail, Jacob Kell as Samuel Yeager, and Jonathan Ransom as your DM and audio editor. Mouse Ritter, the Sword and Whiskers roleplaying games is created by Isaac Williams. This podcast would not exist without the inspiration of real play podcasts that came before, such as Dungeons and Daddies, Critical Role, and Adventure Zone. Thank you so much for listening, and we will catch you in the next episode on July 22nd.
SPEAKER_09Elephant shrewd about this.
SPEAKER_12There's nothing worse than hearing John say that's it, that's good, that's good. Can you roll? Yeah. My heart is any good idea that I'm like, this is fun. Yeah, I'm like, oh. Yeah, I guess I could I could roll.
SPEAKER_09If you really think it's necessary, I guess.
SPEAKER_10What if I just say no? What if I'm like no? I don't want to roll. I won't.
SPEAKER_12I pass it with not without using luck.
SPEAKER_09Come here, Glass Joe.
SPEAKER_08Alright. He's uh Jacob just sent me a message that says, I'm coming. But spelled like coming.
SPEAKER_09Enough said.
SPEAKER_12Sorry to pee so bad. My balls were full.
SPEAKER_08Solid. Healer in the back.
SPEAKER_06Party in the back.
SPEAKER_09Healer in the back. We got Tank in the front, and we also have Gail the shit the shit witch.
SPEAKER_08Shit witch, the shit stress. Catherine shit witch t-shirt tomorrow. I'm just kidding. Alright.
SPEAKER_10Deal. John, when's the horror movie drop in, bro? Thanks, man.
SPEAKER_08Thanks, man. I'm plagued by visions.
SPEAKER_09His favor by his favorite horror movies, you would not guess that he could do this well.
SPEAKER_06Jacob in the chat is just killed. I told y'all, kill him.
SPEAKER_12You got played, son. I told y'all I gotta left that voice.
SPEAKER_09I know. I was not, I didn't want to do it with the cards.
SPEAKER_05I gotta do things that I gotta do, okay? I have to do something.
SPEAKER_12Hey, when you're in the trenches, you don't trust the trenches, you know.
SPEAKER_08For the record, Gail helped, but she was she was just good working. No. She her eyes turn red and she begins to walk towards the bat.
SPEAKER_10Bro, got her character joint. Couldn't leave me. Shut the fuck.
SPEAKER_08Jacob just wrote leave her.
SPEAKER_06In the chat.
SPEAKER_12I have I've tried to leave everybody.