Episode 22- ...You'll Never Dance Again

Tensions rise as Killian reveals the reasons behind his interest in Gale. Meanwhile, Dan goes on a special mission for Annand... 

This episode contains: Violence, Gore, Body Horror, Profanity, Sexual Content, and Reference to drug/alcohol use. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:00

Caverns in Critters is a podcast about little guys made for big guys, as in adults. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Raz, the spell controlling you is lifted. You return to consciousness inside of this sphere of meat. Gail is to your left, and to the left of her is Jeremy, and to your right is Stessica, and they're all looking forward in horror at Jack. You experience something pretty horrible. When you see him, you see uh that his skin is peeled off like clothing with the thread removed from it, as if it was cut at seams. His organs, bones, and muscles are suspended in zero gravity, and with that the sphincter closes behind you, and with that the last little bit of light disappears for a moment, before a green light fills the entire space. That would be Killian's eyes glowing green. And as the little sphere area of meat begins glowing green, you notice a few things. You see that in the back of this room is Rex. He is slumped against the back wall, his chest is partially opened, and he is it appears he's in shock from a very big wound that fits the area of his damaged armor that I had mentioned a few episodes back when you guys first saw him. You also see that Jack's heart beats a little bit. It's very faint, but you do see that in this space his heart beats a moment, and you also see his eyes rapidly twitching, though they are suspended in zero gravity outside of his head, and Killian's voice growls as he walks towards the back of the small meat room. Life and death and undeath. The magic of the vampire. In that way we are much like gods, aren't we? I think better than gods. There's no need for sacrifices to fuel us. We take life. Killian reaches down. That whole time he was speaking, he was slowly moving towards Rex. He presses his hand against Rex's chest and crushes it back through the back wall. And we harness it. As he raises his hand, Rex's body glows a green light, and you see his eyes glow green as Rex's body stands and takes a uh very undead posture. Life Death and undeath. As he walks towards Jack now, he says this Do you know the difference between a living flesh puppet and a dead flesh puppet? The soul. When the soul is present in the body, it doesn't give in so fast, it persists. The question becomes, how do you get around the soul's ache to control itself? I wrestled with this, but I think I might have the answer. As he is speaking, he is moving his hands around, controlling instruments in the air. You see Jack's body begin to collect back together over Goop, who has taken the place of Jack's intestines. Goops sent tentacles up through where uh Jack's limbs are, recreating and uh replacing muscle over the bone, and the skin begins to wrap back around it as thread begins to be stitched in, reconnecting the skin over it. I think the answer is pleasure. Jack is in no pain right now. He's probably having the greatest time he's ever had. His soul is held in every pleasure, need or fantasy Jack has ever had. He'll never know the power he's generating for this body, nor the actions this body will take. He'll only ever know peace until the day he dies. Uh I did it again. You dumb bitch. That tells the story of a group of recently heartbroken and newly single young adults finding themselves cast into another dimension where they've been turned into little critters. Alright, guys! Evil man. Our new system is ever approaching. Uh at this point, we're just kind of waiting, actually, to do some test playing, and uh then it'll be introduced into the show. So that's very exciting. We actually named it, which I thought I would name-drop it here, thanks to Catherine's big brain and at in vocabulary. Who's the internet? Uh we found the word skr. Catherine, do you remember what the word skir means?

SPEAKER_08 5:55

Yes, the word skr means uh to search about in or to pass rapidly over. Um but it or or to run, fly, sail, or move along rapidly. But basically, you know, it's it's like uh if we're using it in uh one context, it would be in the transitive verb context.

SPEAKER_06 6:15

Whoa. Ooh, big words. Okay, lady of big words. I don't even know what those mean. Pretty cool of you. Thank you, Catherine, uh for the bigger. That was among a list of many ideas that we uh we all had, but I I had like I had like one other idea, and I was like, damn it, somebody else made a TTRPG with that name already. But then Catherine just was like, here's 50, and all of them are not used. Literally. It was the cream of the crop, dude.

SPEAKER_07 6:40

She said all of us gave an idea, but we did not. It was all Catherine.

SPEAKER_06 6:43

It was all Catherine.

SPEAKER_08 6:44

I feel like you guys were there, you helped. Come on.

SPEAKER_07 6:47

I wanted you to.

SPEAKER_06 6:48

We all pondered.

SPEAKER_07 6:48

I pondered as a we all were pondering. I didn't come with shit.

SPEAKER_08 6:52

That's what this is all about. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 6:54

You guys, we got a Patreon question. Wait, actually, pause. Stop that, John. Critter report. Critter report. I have a critter report. Uh, but I always go first. I feel like somebody else should go first this time. Does anyone else have a critter report? Yes, go Catherine. I do too.

SPEAKER_08 7:07

Yes, I recently went to Watemala and um I saw so many critters, critters I've never seen before. Oh my god. Frogs, lizards, iguanas, bats. I saw a peacock. I saw two peacocks. Wow.

SPEAKER_06 7:22

Two of my favorite words in one bird. Wow.

SPEAKER_08 7:26

Um, so many animals. It was so, so fun. Best week of my life. That's awesome. That's the end of my critter report. That's a great critter report.

SPEAKER_04 7:35

Hold up. Best week of your life. She was as far away from you as she's ever been in her life. Let me tell you about the best week of my life, too.

SPEAKER_08 7:48

I miss my boyfriend so much, you guys have no idea.

SPEAKER_07 7:50

Catherine was in Guatemala.

SPEAKER_06 7:55

I must have jerked off 20 times every day she was gone.

SPEAKER_04 8:01

It's not even there anymore.

SPEAKER_08 8:05

In the background of everything. Come on.

SPEAKER_04 8:07

Hey, I'm a pencil with no eraser at this point, you know?

SPEAKER_08 8:12

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 8:14

Uh nobody has a gift for making analogies about dicks like you, Dave. So true. That is true.

SPEAKER_04 8:20

If only I was given a different skill.

SPEAKER_06 8:24

Hey, we work with what we're given. Yeah, that's true. God damn it. You make orchestras with your mouth. Oh.

SPEAKER_07 8:31

Do that on my pencil with no eraser. Isaiah, you had a credit report. I did. Kelly and I saw a Facebook listing for some free cats, and we were like No fucking way. She sent it to me the same day that I was telling my coworkers, oh yeah, my girlfriend, she wants a cat so bad, but we just can't really afford it right now. And she sent it to me and I was like, shit, that's cute. So we talked it over and we agreed that we would get it. And we sent a message and they were all the kittens were spoken for. Damn. It was very sad. And then a couple days later, another free kittens Facebook post. And this time she asked me and I was like, yeah, do it. And I went to Doll General, I bought all the kitten stuff, and all the kittens were spoken for.

SPEAKER_06 9:15

Just keep your eyes open on Facebook.

SPEAKER_08 9:18

If you want a free kitten, I can get you one easily.

SPEAKER_07 9:21

Are you gonna ship it to me?

SPEAKER_08 9:22

I I could hand deliver that little little baby. Um meet me halfway. Can you buy it? There's some uh little kittens brand new in my sister's barn right now. Let's go.

SPEAKER_07 9:34

Slap that bad boy in a in a milk carton and send it my way.

SPEAKER_06 9:38

Send at least three because stuff does not survive the man.

SPEAKER_08 9:41

Oh my god, John, don't you?

SPEAKER_06 9:45

I've gotten chickens at my post office several times and often they don't make it all the way along. Oh my god, that's crazy. Dee, do you remember in postmaster training? Not postmaster, we little clerk training when we were like in that facility and like uh we heard the the the cock crow, you know? Yeah, I do. There's a cock. Yeah, there was a cock in there.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

Also, Isaiah, if you want a cat tree, I do have one. It's Luna's, you know, I I gotta get rid of it. So if you want it, I will more I'm more than willing to bring it up to you. Sorry, Nice.

SPEAKER_06 10:22

D Soft launching his critter report. Like, that was so fucked up. Did you have a critter to report?

SPEAKER_02 10:27

I do. I got to hold a bird, a little baby bird. Fuck yeah. When I was at work, sometime, I think it was this week or last week, uh, as I was walking up, I had seen a I'd seen something in the road. I'm like, what is that? And I get closer. It's just a little bird, he's just sleeping. He had like one eye closed and kind of had his head like cocked to the side. I'm like, what are you doing? And he let me pet him, and I tried to pick him up once, but I didn't like try and cup him at first. I tried to just kind of slip my hand under and pick him up. And he didn't like that, but I did manage to pick him up and move him. And then like before I'd set him down out of the road, he he just stayed in my hand until I sat him down. It's adorable. That's my critter report. What a critter. What a critter. To report. To report.

SPEAKER_06 11:06

Jacob, do you have a critter report?

SPEAKER_04 11:08

No, the only critter I really watch is the fat squirrel my mom feeds every week.

SPEAKER_06 11:12

I would take an update for that. How what's his weight now?

SPEAKER_04 11:15

I mean, it's enough to wear when he's like sitting down.

SPEAKER_06 11:18

He he sags the branch a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 11:20

Well, yeah, the bird feeder thing, like definitely both, but when he's like sitting, you see his little beer belly kind of thing, you know, going on.

SPEAKER_07 11:27

That's adorable.

SPEAKER_04 11:29

And he's not running anywhere, you know. So I do love him. I love Alvin, but that's that's usually my only little critter report.

SPEAKER_07 11:36

How'd you come up with the name Alvin?

SPEAKER_04 11:38

Uh my mom my mom named him Alvin. She was like, he looks like an Alvin.

SPEAKER_07 11:42

That's what she thought.

SPEAKER_06 11:43

It's like, I didn't know your mom was good at naming things. That's just kidding. What the fuck does that mean? I didn't mean that, Jacob. I love your name. He says trembling.

SPEAKER_04 11:54

Your name is John. All right, buddy. Alright.

unknown 11:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 11:57

You know what?

SPEAKER_06 11:59

No reverse success there, Jacob. Three letters. They didn't even give me the goddamn H, dude. Okay, my critter report is uh first critter report. I have two again. Uh first critter report is the other week, my wife, Megan, was exiting our home and she didn't look down, and she stepped on something and then looked down to see what it was, and it was a bull snake. So she proceeded to scream and jump about, and she got a a video of uh of it crawling underneath our camper. So a bull snake lives under our camper now. Thank God I wasn't a rattlesnake, because they also live here. Scared the crap out of her very badly.

SPEAKER_07 12:41

Poor lady.

SPEAKER_06 12:42

Yeah, she was she was very spooked about it. Uh, and then the other critter report is right now, uh, there have been a ton of birds uh hanging out by our camper. We have a camper out in the middle of a field, so it's kind of a hot spot for birds. And also, whoever invented campers said to themselves, Yes, if anyone needs to sleep in a camper, we need to make it as loud as possible at all times to replicate the fact that they're camping. You know? You don't get to sleep good if it's raining in a camper. Like that's not camping anymore. So they made it so everything that touches the ceiling is amplified by a thousand. So if it's raining like and you're like, oh my god, it's hailing out, it's actually just like a soft rain. Anyways, a fun side side effect of that is that birds on the uh on the roof are very cute. They sound like you can hear them hopping around on top of the roof, uh, and the dogs are always looking at him like, what the what's going on up there? And it's very cute. That's my credit report. Alright, you guys, we got a Patreon question this time. Everything mad on me, praise the Lord. The Patreon question we got this week is what's something you wish more people knew about your character? Or your character wish that other people knew about them? You know? We're gonna go ahead and start with Catherine.

SPEAKER_08 14:06

Can I do a round? Can I can we come back to me?

SPEAKER_07 14:08

Yeah, that's fine. Alright. Next is Isaiah. Yo, what's up, gang? It's I think it's Borden. The gun. I play Gail. She's uh she's an introvert. She's a little bit gay. Just a little bit gay.

SPEAKER_04 14:25

She's a little bit more the voice, the voice change too is diabolical on this.

SPEAKER_09 14:30

I don't know. She's like a little gay. I don't know. She puts some type of weight in her.

SPEAKER_07 14:36

You put you put the fuckboy twist on that just perfectly. I feel like the best answer I can honestly give about Gail is she's just such a private person. She would not. She doesn't want anybody to know anything about her. She's she's good. You know about her what you're supposed to, or you know too much. And that's she's not like a an edgelord. Oh, I keep my secrets close to my chest. She just doesn't really like talking about it. She's just a private person. She's just private, she just keeps to herself. Ask and you may receive though.

SPEAKER_06 15:06

There's my answer. Gail is God from the Bible. Well, if you ask, you will receive.

SPEAKER_04 15:14

So I shouldn't be talking to the DM. I should be talking to Gail.

SPEAKER_07 15:17

No, because if I if I'm if Gail's God from the Bible, I say ask and you shall receive, and then you don't receive anything. You just ask. So yeah, God from the Bible. So God from the Bible. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 15:31

Alright, cool. Uh up next is gonna be D.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

I am D. I play John's favorite character to try and kill every episode, Dan. That's not true. And second favorite now. That's very true. And what Dan would like you to know is don't ask him anything because you're probably not gonna find out.

SPEAKER_06 15:49

The thing that Dan wishes people knew is that he was God from the Bible.

SPEAKER_02 15:56

I got you, John. And that also, Dan is God from the Bible.

SPEAKER_06 16:00

Actually, God from the Bible. Uh Jacob.

SPEAKER_04 16:04

Go ahead. Hello, I'm Jacob. I play Samuel. And one thing I think would be Samuel is afraid of the internet.

SPEAKER_06 16:13

He's like a and he w he wants everybody to know that.

SPEAKER_04 16:17

Yeah, he's he's uh he's afraid of the takeover and then knowing all the information about him. That's pretty valid. He just let me for real.

SPEAKER_08 16:25

Think about that, guys. Come on, don't apply it to yourself.

SPEAKER_06 16:28

Started like staring into my wall, and I was like, fuck.

SPEAKER_04 16:31

He like Samuel specifically hates digital watches too.

SPEAKER_07 16:35

Because they could be watching.

SPEAKER_08 16:37

And and he wants everyone to know that about him.

SPEAKER_04 16:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_08 16:41

Catherine, are you ready? I'm so ready now. I'm so sorry about that. Yay! Go ahead. Roz Schumann. Something Roz wish more people knew about her is like, especially now that she is in Appledale.

SPEAKER_05 16:55

Right.

SPEAKER_08 16:56

She uh wish more people knew that she gives a mean handshake. It's a it's nice, firm, not clammy, solid handshake.

SPEAKER_07 17:04

Real gripper.

SPEAKER_08 17:05

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 17:05

Not that there's anything wrong with a clammy hand, you know, thing.

SPEAKER_07 17:09

Shots fucking fire.

SPEAKER_05 17:15

You can't control that.

SPEAKER_07 17:16

John has the clammiest hands I've ever gripped.

SPEAKER_06 17:19

Second only to me. Fun fact about me one of the first dates I went on with my wife when we were dating. We went to the Jurassic Park film, the one, the new one, where they're like, we're like the Avengers now. Look at all these old people. That one and it sucked. Uh it was a bad movie. I was sitting there and I was holding her hand, and at some point she like made a space in between her hands and placed a sweater in between them to absorb the sweat and then closed it. And I don't think I've ever felt that way before or after that moment. I was like, Oh, I'm so sorry. She was like, It's okay, I like you, Dee. So thank God that she liked me so much. Cause my girlfriend lets go, bro.

SPEAKER_07 18:00

I I wish I'm glad she lets go of my hand instead of putting a goddamn sweater.

SPEAKER_06 18:05

Yeah, a sweat soaker in between, dude. Oh hell no.

SPEAKER_08 18:09

You want to know something cool and nice about Jacob and my relationship? Is like my hands are always a little wet and his hands are always kind of like too dry, so like I just stay moisturizing his hands.

SPEAKER_06 18:20

There's just a transfer of fluids between your house.

SPEAKER_08 18:23

It honestly is like it's like the perfect combo because even if I get a little sweaty, like he never he doesn't let go of my hand because it's sweaty.

SPEAKER_06 18:30

Fuck, that's so romantic. You know, so cute. Which is so nice. So cute! Guys, one thing I wish more people knew about me, I was a volunteer firefighter for a year. Uh not trying to brag or nothing. How many fires did you put out? I left because it was too scary. I left because it was too scary and I didn't like it anymore. Legit though, actually, like I don't like being around dying people or dead people. And there was quite a bit of that.

SPEAKER_04 18:59

Pussy. As a volunteer?

SPEAKER_06 19:01

And then also, yeah, as a volunteer, dude. And also they gave me zero training. They just like gave me this box that would tell me to come in called a pager. Not everybody knows about them things. Uh, and it would go, hey, come in, there's a fire or something. And I'd go, oh shit. No adrenaline rush like that has ever existed for me. An insane adrenaline rush, but like fighting fires, super fun. Enjoy that. Uh going to like somebody having a heart attack and like having to get them out of there, not fun at all. I don't I'm glad there is somebody who can do it, but not me. But one thing I will say is on one call where it was my first dead person, my god, John. The the head EMT walked up to me and was like, Hey, just like just like don't let it get to you. Nice that we'll fix it.

SPEAKER_08 19:45

Thanks, dude.

SPEAKER_06 19:46

I was like, okay, yeah. And then that totally made it better. No, but the the fire chief was super chill. Like, he saw me like walking on the street alone like three days later, because I was just like sitting with that shit, you know. And he like pulled over and he was like, Hey dude, uh, I just want to let you know, like, seeing shit on this is is fucked up, and you know, if you ever need therapy, the fire department has a insurance that covers therapy for on-the-job stuff. And that guy was super chill. Shout out to Fire Chief, he's a real one. In the last episode, Samuel was recognized by a guard through his disguise after nearly escaping through a bluff. This resulted in Samuel fleeing to Allie the Alchemist's shop, while a guard called in to seal off the entire area. Allie sent her grandson away amidst a curfew beginning, and Samuel created a new old lady disguise before passing out and resting. Dan saw visions of another life, uh, the life of a Kenku servant of Anand in the land of Fairun. He witnessed a genocide take place, and as this other life faded away, so did Anand. He fled the palace back to the pirate hotel, the prancing seahorse. Roz followed Goop, who was dragging an unconscious Jack through the sewers. She did so until he came to a dead-end secret door and headed in. While waiting to follow him into the secret door, Jeremy, Gale, and Stessica arrived as backup and headed and they headed in together into the depths. After traveling through a series of root tunnels towards the underbelly of the king's palace, you all came out into a massive cavern containing a human-sized casket being used as a house. There were plenty of other things in the room, like a cage containing an unknown silhouette, a statue of a terrifying creature with an altar below it, and several other statues around it, a human woman bowing low before the creature, the fox king Ferdinand, and a humanoid crow standing defiant of the towering obsidian statue opposed to it. A bellowing, tired voice called out from one side of the altar, a Terran from Indiana who was infected by some strange disease carried by three shrews with foaming mouths. After dispatching of all three of these diseased shrews, Killian the Vampire bat appeared, forcing you all to walk in with him into a mass of living meat where you saw Jack in pieces disassembled in zero gravity, being entered by goop, and then also that little thing we did at the beginning of this episode. Well, we did a little thing to catch up with Gail and Roz already. I would like to go over to Dan, who's in the hotel room. So, Dan, the last time we saw you, you were drifting asleep. And I'm gonna just tell you this: as you drift asleep, you come awake again, and you see your human hand beside you on the ground of a seemingly cloudy realm. And at first you're like, oh fuck yeah! An upgrade, a level up. But the cloud actually uh pulls together beneath you and becomes a black and purple swirling um marble color that's like unlike anything you've ever seen. A bright light appears off in front of you, and you seem to be in some type of dark room. And before you, in the silhouette, is a throne facing away. And you can only really make out the shadow until your eyes adjust. Uh, what would you like to do in this specific moment?

SPEAKER_02 23:05

I g I guess just look around confused as hell. Like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_06 23:09

Okay, yeah. You look around, and as your eyes adjust, you notice a few things. You notice a door off to the left that seems to go somewhere. A door behind you that is very big and massive and kind of covered in some weaving tapestry carved into what appears to be blackened steel of a door. And the throne, you see the head of somebody uh peek around, and you see it is Anand. And she's like, Oh good, you're here. Come here. I need to show you this. Dan will look around confused. Where the fuck am I? Yes, I'm getting to that. Come look, it might explain something.

SPEAKER_02 23:45

Okay. And Dan would follow suit and go look at whatever it is she's trying to show me.

SPEAKER_06 23:51

Now tell me, D, have you ever heard the tale of Abraham Lincoln's assassination? What? I have, yeah. I'm realizing now that in my head I'm picturing a heavenly version of the room that Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in. It's a small little room with a big opening to see a big area. Wow, dude. My follow-up question, I swear it's related. Have you ever seen Star Wars III Revenge of the Sith?

SPEAKER_02 24:20

As a matter of fact, John, I have indeed.

SPEAKER_06 24:23

Do you recall the scene in Revenge of the Sith where Emperor Palpatine sits observing a strange bubble thing with Anakin Skywalker, and he's like telling him the story of Darth Plagueis the Wise.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

Do you remember that? I do remember that.

SPEAKER_06 24:38

It's kind of like that where you're at. It's like a combination of those two things. You look out and you see there is an enormous amount. Like we're talking sport stadium of spectacle here. It just looks like a bunch of these little kind of viewing shacks, but each one is detailed and designed to reflect a uh a different theme. And the they go in particularly way higher up above you. You do take note of that. And down below, uh, you see what appears. Have you ever seen like like a like a like British Parliament, which is just a big courtroom with a bunch of dudes sitting around? You know that shit? Yeah. It's just like that. There's a bunch of these dudes sitting around, and you can see uh magical runes being written and inscribed above their heads. Also, your eyes may be drawn uh across the stadium to see that at the very, very bottom of this entire thing, there is what appears to be a brand new uh little spot, may have something that looks kind of familiar to you, and it is the American flag over a very bare little audience box. And you might just take note of that. So uh Anand says, Did that explain anything at all? Or do I need to uh probably need to? Um, this is the Chamber of the Gods. Right now they are rewriting the magic meta because a kind of a big deal thing happened. As you can see, uh America, your little country from Earth, for some reason claims to be the leader of the world over there on Terra. They became extremely aware of magic, and once all realms within a certain area of realms becomes aware of magic, then the meta of magic is allowed to be rewritten, and there's been a lot of gods sitting on some stuff, and they want to rewrite a bunch of things, and they're getting to that long story short. I we have a problem. Would you do me a favor? Yeah, what's the favor? What can I do for you? You need to sneak into Suite D66, it's several stories up above us, and explode a scroll that they're trying to enter in to the new magic meta. And I'm not gonna tell you what it's on the scroll.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

That's the only thing. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 26:41

I can do that. Okay, great. Also, try not to leave this building. If you get out into like the god world on the outside of this building, there's nothing I can do to get you back to anywhere near your body. Just so you know.

SPEAKER_02 26:55

Okay, don't leave the god building. I can do that. Yes. Do you have something I can use to blow up this rune or whatever it is you need me to do?

SPEAKER_06 27:07

So I thought about that. And in exchange for you doing this, I will give you access to a little spell of mine until the new magic meta goes through. And then once that happens, you know. Back to square one with you, unless you do this. That's a good deal. It's called Eldridge Fire. Basically, if you touch that parchment or blast that parchment with Eldridge Fire, it'll be completely consumed, and then we're all good. We're okay. Also, have you ever heard of a direwolf? If I can have a direwolf- Oh no no no no. I'm sorry. That is not a thing I can do. Uh but have you you've heard of them? Uh yeah. Great, cool. Get on your way. Don't get taught caught by the angels, and you should be fine. Good luck. Okay, so I gotta go out. I cannot be seen leaving this room, but I can maintain a few I can answer probably like five questions before it starts getting suspicious about the waves. So just psychically connect with me, and I will uh I'll send I'll answer some questions. But only five times.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

Okay, well, one, I don't know how to psychically connect with you. That's something you would have to do. It's super easy, just say mommy, and then I will hear it.

SPEAKER_06 28:13

Come on. And I will uh I will hear it, and then I will answer any question you have to ask.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

You know my whole motif is freedom, right? This is really encroaching in on whatever Dan would think mommy to himself.

SPEAKER_06 28:28

And then in your brain, she just says, heard that. Uh okay, so you start heading out of this door on the back side of the room. You're looking for suite D66. Suite D66. So the floor is D, which you figure out pretty quickly that the floors are alphabetical. There's 26 floors. You are currently on floor G. So you're kind of far down, but like about halfway down.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

Motherfuck Okay.

SPEAKER_06 28:55

Okay, so you step out and this is what you see. Uh exiting the door out into the halls leads you to a series of magnificently large hallways. These hallways are thousands of feet tall, and they're only about a gymnasium in width. It's so tall, in fact, that when you look up you can see clouds uh on the ceiling. And you see also biblically accurate angels are hovering through like the rings covered in eyes and shit, uh kind of flowing through and scanning the areas as you come out.

SPEAKER_02 29:26

Oh, don't get caught, she says. It'll be easy, I think to myself. Yeah, how am I supposed to sneak pack these dumb mother?

SPEAKER_06 29:33

Oh, they immediately see you when you step out. And they'd look at you and they're like, oh, a person. Moving on. Okay. Uh so you're out in these halls, and uh, what are you looking for? Um, I guess I'm looking for a staircase. Yeah, it's not too difficult to look out and uh and notice the golden sign hanging above a little archway that has the symbol that universally means stairs. You run on over there and you step into this stairway and you look up and you see just you know that scene from Kung Have you ever seen Kung Fu Panded 2?

SPEAKER_02 30:04

That is my favorite of the trilogy, because there is no fourth movie.

SPEAKER_06 30:07

I'm no longer doing any descriptions of anything. I'm just gonna tell you what movie scenes made me think of this.

SPEAKER_07 30:13

For anybody who hasn't seen those movies, you're just screwed. You're just fucked.

SPEAKER_06 30:19

You see, like the camera zooms up like a bazillion stairs. Like, and you know the scene where he's like, my old arch enemies, stairs. That bit dead. It's exactly that. You like look up and you see a bazillion stairs. And they're all gold.

SPEAKER_02 30:33

Alright, I can do this. I'm gonna kill myself on the way there, but I can do this and then start running up the stairs.

SPEAKER_06 30:39

Okay, cool. I want you to make three strength saves to scale these stairs. Just let me know if you succeed or fail on each of them. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

Oh god, I only have a strength of one right now. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_06 30:49

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Anand pops into your head and she's like, oh, sorry, right, I was gonna restore you to help you out on this mission because it's fucking important. Your body is restored for the time being.

SPEAKER_02 30:59

Thank you, Anand. You're welcome. Hugs and kisses whenever I can.

SPEAKER_05 31:02

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:05

Uh 15, a five, and eleven. Fuck me.

SPEAKER_06 31:08

Okay, so one success. Alright. For the success, automatically it takes you an hour to move up that many stairs. And for the other two, it's gonna be 2d4. So let's see how many hours it takes Dan to climb it.

SPEAKER_02 31:23

It takes Dan five hours to climb the stone. So you know that scene from the first Kung Fu Panda where Pugnet did.

SPEAKER_07 31:33

Oh, that's so funny.

SPEAKER_04 31:35

Is this where Samuel comes out?

SPEAKER_07 31:36

He's like, oh my god, it's taking forever.

SPEAKER_06 31:40

Okay, yeah, you yeah, it's exactly that. You climb up the top of the stairs, you're like, ugh. And as soon as you get to the top, you look off to your left, and you see a couple like feet away, you hear a ding! You see an elevator door open, and somebody walks out. That's fucked up, bro. Are you kidding me? Uh also on your way up the stairs, you would have seen um a uh an American Secret Service agent looking ass man, uh, seemingly having like an existential crisis, just staring at the stairs, but you kind of I don't know, do you want to talk to him or no? Sure, I'll stop and talk to him.

SPEAKER_02 32:29

Okay, so like let's say this is like hour three of you running up these stairs. Okay, so I'd say Dan is like crawling at this point. So he just kind of flops on the stairs for it. He's like, uh why do they even have these? Uh oh, what's up, man? Hey. Are you from Nevermind. Uh Terra Earth, what yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Terra Earth, why how are you here? Uh hang on. Hang on, I need a breather.

SPEAKER_08 33:01

I love this. Fuck!

SPEAKER_02 33:02

Right. Uh I don't know, whole weird set of circumstances that I I'm gonna be honest, I'm not very happy about. What are you doing here?

SPEAKER_06 33:10

Uh uh. Fuck. I I guess some guy showed up doing magic and got seen by a ton of people in on Earth, and I don't know, I guess that made it so we're a part of this council now.

SPEAKER_02 33:24

Oh, that's Gandalf. Uh wait, no, I'm sorry, Sonny. That's his name. Sonny. No, I'm sorry. Yeah, I uh I know that guy. He's kind of a dick. Okay. Is there a lot of people from Earth that are uh not on the Uh I don't know about here, I just got here. I kinda got my own things going on right now, but uh I kinda got my own things going on right now. Uh I as far as I know, no. No, there's not a lot of other people from Earth here. Okay. But uh you're you're the first guy I've seen so far, so like you know, just one step at a time, man. You know how these stairs work or some shit. I don't fucking okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 34:05

Alright. And then as Dan continues up the stairs, uh like the camera lingers on this guy as he goes and gets in the elevator and rides down to back to the America section. Samuel. Hi you were last seen actually also catching some some rest in Allie the Alchemist's apartment above her store. You you were parked up in a rocking chair, and you were just kind of sitting about, just trying to wait out the the craziness going on, getting searched for and whatnot. And this whole time you're sitting in this chair, you hear the familiar sound of these like wooden golem helicopters zipping around over above your head. Uh you hear guards passing outside all the time, and after about an hour, it all seems to fall rather quiet. Did you say you were sleeping? I don't remember if you said you were sleeping last episode.

SPEAKER_04 35:06

I don't know. I don't think I d I don't think I did because I didn't I wasn't like damaged at all, I thought, but I could be wrong. I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 35:12

Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right, because you asked if you should sleep, but you didn't take any damage.

SPEAKER_04 35:16

So Yeah, you were like only betas sleep, and oh, I I didn't know.

SPEAKER_06 35:20

So after about an hour, things fall pretty quiet. And despite it being only mid-afternoon, um, it seems like it's getting dark outside pretty rapidly. So you're sitting there in that rocking chair. Would you roll a will save for me? I got a seven. And that does, in fact, not beat your will. Because you were you were injured from a spell last episode. Yeah, a couple of years. I agree with Jake. You do not hear much of the detail of it. Okay. You only recognize the voice as uh Allie's grandson and a bit of a distant. Uh you hear some murmuring from him.

SPEAKER_04 36:08

Okay. Can I go down to the shop?

SPEAKER_06 36:11

Yes, absolutely you can. You sneak your way past Allie's open door, um, down into the shop. You can see out the window that there is an unnatural darkness outside. Uh it's covering about a the block that you are currently on. And down the block aways, you see a guard and Allie's grandson, and he is pointing off towards the shop where you are.

SPEAKER_04 36:40

Oh, okay, so he's a snitch. Uh, can am I able to take like a quick gander at like the inventory? Of this shop? Yes.

SPEAKER_06 36:48

Yes, I would say yes, you can do that.

SPEAKER_04 36:50

And what might I see when I take a quick gander?

SPEAKER_06 36:53

Uh potions and stuff of all kinds, man. Like all kinds of shit are is all around this story. You pretty much almost you name the effect you're looking to have, and I will tell you if it's there.

SPEAKER_04 37:04

Um, okay. Do they have any sort of like another bomb or another teleport type spell?

SPEAKER_06 37:10

Yes, I would say that they do.

SPEAKER_04 37:13

Could I just snatch those things?

unknown 37:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 37:15

You get bomb and teleport spells is what you're grabbing?

SPEAKER_04 37:19

Yeah, that's what I would like to grab, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 37:22

As you walk towards these spells, you see a a hologram appear above you, and you're let's say this is while you're at the teleport ones. Alley appears.

SPEAKER_01 37:34

So you've walked on over to the teleport area. Yes, yes, yes, some of my best work is in the teleportation.

SPEAKER_06 37:42

Also, in my potion protection is some of my best work. Don't try to come over here, you stupid kids, and drink one to just teleport away while you're holding a whole bunch of shit and steal them all. I'll tell you what's gonna happen. You'll teleprate strike to fucking hell. Oh my god. And then it cuts off.

SPEAKER_08 37:58

Oh my god. I love her so much.

SPEAKER_06 38:00

And then it cuts back in. She's like, No, you know what, I'm not done. The only way you're getting out of here with these teleportation spells or anything out of this building is if you go over there and scan it. Get it scanned! That's right! And then it disappears.

SPEAKER_04 38:15

Um if I but do they do these have a what are what are the price on these?

SPEAKER_06 38:20

So for teleportation, it's 20 pips per five feet you'd like to travel. Per f 20 pips for five feet. Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_04 38:28

I guess that's a lot for a critter, though.

SPEAKER_06 38:30

It is.

SPEAKER_04 38:30

Okay, could I grab one worth like 15 feet?

SPEAKER_06 38:33

Okay, so 60 pips. Yes. Okay, so you grab one worth 60 pips. Are you going to grab uh a bomb one? Yes. Uh, I'm not gonna say this is a time bomb spell. I'm gonna say this is just a you drink this and you can shoot an explosion somewhere.

SPEAKER_04 38:47

Okay, that's worse. Uh that'll that won't go wrong. It never will.

SPEAKER_06 38:50

I mean, and for that I will tell you that the the price is um 20 pips per d6 of damage the bomb does. And the the automatic range is gonna be six inches around the target. So that's a lot. I mean it's like uh it's like at least above out. Six inches is a ton. That's okay. I get it. That's huge.

SPEAKER_04 39:12

That's a massive No little critter could survive that, right? Not even a little bit. Okay, I will grab one of those also.

SPEAKER_06 39:20

Okay. But how powerful? Just the 20 pip one?

SPEAKER_04 39:23

Uh yes, just the 20 pip one.

SPEAKER_06 39:26

Okay. So you grab a 60 pip one of the teleport, which can teleport you 15 feet, and you grab a uh a single d6 bomb spell uh potion for 20 pips. So your total is 80 pips. Okay. So you would know that you would have to go around the back side of the counter and scan those to be able to take them. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:47

I'm gonna I'm gonna go scan them.

SPEAKER_06 39:49

So you make it around the back side of this counter. You're doing the classic stealth crouch, you know what I'm saying, and you're working your way around here. You hear a loud on the front door of the shop. So you're currently your view of the front door is obstructed, and you are obstructed from their view.

SPEAKER_04 40:09

Okay, can I like kind of tuck a little close to the wall? Do I still have the potions? Did I like scan them at all?

SPEAKER_06 40:14

You do have the potions, you are almost to the scanner when the kicking starts. So after a few more seconds, you barely have time to react before the next kick comes and it blasts the door off its hinges. I'm gonna say, like, in the reflections of some of the alchemy bottles, you can see a very big muscular frame and armor on the legs only, and two green dots for eyes. You also would recognize the mask it is wearing as a pale mask cult member.

SPEAKER_04 40:48

Um, am I able to just like see what direction he's going from the reflections? Yes.

SPEAKER_06 40:54

I think you could probably tell between the sound and the reflections, you see this creature move towards the stairs uh at the back of the shop. So past you. So if she turned around, they'd be able to see you. And then as this creature is going up the stairs, up on the roof, you hear some scuttling, and then you hear two windows break. Oh god, this is fought team.

SPEAKER_01 41:18

What the fuck? Holy shit, it's a raid! Hit the ground, Jack!

SPEAKER_06 41:22

You just hear a and then she hits the ground.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

She's like, I didn't do shit! You can talk to my lawyer, goddammit.

SPEAKER_06 41:29

So would you like what would you like to do now?

SPEAKER_04 41:31

While like while the I hear like the thud, can I like scan the shit really quick? Yes.

SPEAKER_06 41:35

Uh go ahead and roll an advantaged deck save just to like quietly scan your bottles. A five. Okay, so that's very good. Okay, so you masterfully scan both of these potions and a drawer pops out filled with pips. What would you like to do? I would like to take all the pips.

SPEAKER_05 41:55

No, you weren't gonna say that!

SPEAKER_06 41:56

All of them. Every last one of the pips. While you scan them, you see a little go off of both of these potions, and you uh hang on, let me see how much fucking money she had. I'm gonna roll for this. I don't want to give you a number.

SPEAKER_04 42:12

If I give a if I got a double six set, I gotta I gotta be cashing in on these, no pun intended.

SPEAKER_06 42:16

960 pairs. Oh my fucking god. Okay, perfect. What are you doing now? Um having loaded actually, roll if you're taking all the money, roll a deck save just to see if you make any noise while you're loading your bags.

SPEAKER_04 42:31

I got an eight.

SPEAKER_06 42:32

God damn, man.

SPEAKER_04 42:34

Is that three is that three eights in a row of rolled tonight? Not quite.

SPEAKER_06 42:38

I thought my first one was gonna be it was a five, an eight, and then an eight, I think is what we're currently at. But uh okay, you silently dump all the money in your bag. You hear the scuffling upstairs as stuff's getting flipped around, and then you hear where is he?

SPEAKER_01 42:56

I don't know who you're talking about. I'm not talking without You don't understand.

SPEAKER_06 43:02

Speak or die.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

I ain't no fucking snitch.

SPEAKER_06 43:07

What would you like to do? Oh, dude, don't. You can't put that on me, man.

SPEAKER_08 43:14

Is he gonna let our favorite OC die?

SPEAKER_04 43:16

I'm going to. Dang, fuck it.

SPEAKER_08 43:20

What are you gonna do, Jakey?

SPEAKER_04 43:22

Oh, let me think. Let me think. How do I wanna?

SPEAKER_02 43:24

Jacob, are you gonna stick by what you said before? Are you gonna leave her like that?

SPEAKER_04 43:27

No, I can't.

SPEAKER_02 43:29

I knew it.

SPEAKER_04 43:30

Oh, John, you are such a you six. You couldn't give me the pips and the getaway. You get one or the other, motherfucker. Can I like run to the door as I'm like getting ready to run out and be like, catch me if you can, dumbass! And then like scurry out.

SPEAKER_06 43:46

Okay, so you you yell that back, and literally, like, as you're finishing the sentence, directly above you on the ceiling, you see a fist through the floor and Begin to tear its way through to get to you. I just want to take off. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 44:05

At least for now, I w yeah, I would I at least want to dart. I want to see the distance I can make between him.

SPEAKER_06 44:09

Right, okay. So you I mean, you have some incredible speed. So you see the big lumbering creature come out after you, and in this lighting, you can you can see it slightly better, even though it is very dark. It's uh would you go ahead and roll actually a disadvantaged will save? That's 17.

SPEAKER_05 44:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 44:31

So uh as you're looking back, you see the buff creature with two armored legs step out and see you running away, and you're a pretty good distance away, but then suddenly the creature disappears, and then right in front of you it reappears. It has teleported in front of you. Uh, would you make a deck save? So roll a d20 and uh to try to react in time.

SPEAKER_04 44:54

I got an eight, no joke.

SPEAKER_06 44:55

Holy shit, Jacob. I swear to God. You got an eight. You know what I got? What? Another fucking eight. It was a contested save, so I feel like when a roll is equal, I feel like heroes win. So you this creature goes to like hug at you aggressively to try to grapple you, and you you slid out underneath it and it misses. You're out on the street. Uh, you see jumping out the second floor are the two pale masks that probably came through the window, you can assume, as it as they also join the chase after you.

SPEAKER_04 45:30

Okay. Um am I able to use Man, I just got I just got it. I didn't even get to hold it.

SPEAKER_07 45:38

Don't give it any ticketh away.

SPEAKER_04 45:40

Yeah, for real. I'm gonna tell I'm gonna try and teleport as far as I can. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 45:44

You're gonna use all 15 feet. Uh which direction would you like to go?

SPEAKER_04 45:48

Maybe maybe the low economy district.

SPEAKER_06 45:51

Gotcha. Okay. This is like this one of the first times you guys are going here. I guess you guys return all those kids there.

SPEAKER_08 45:57

Yeah, we've been there for the episodes.

SPEAKER_06 45:59

I'm a hero there. So they know me. Yeah, you teleport you drink the potion and you teleport away. And it's like as the teleportation uh potion is taking effect and you're like turning into smoke, you see the big buff creature uh lunge at you again. You teleport away, you appear to a bunch of uh hollowed-out trees for homes. It looks very overcrowded here. It's much messier, much less nice. You're probably from more familiar than the others are because you've been around this area quite a bit. And I'm gonna go ahead and cut away to uh Gale and Roz again. Uh-oh. Shit's about to get crazy. I told you guys kind of what had just happened. Yep. So you have just witnessed Rex be both killed and resurrected as some form of undead creature. You see Jack get stitched back together with Goop at his center. What's going on with you guys? What do you what would you like to do?

SPEAKER_07 46:51

I would say that Gail being under the impression that Raz is still under the spell, she would kind of like step forward they're still holding hands, but she would step forward to kind of be like ahead of her, like blocking her body while she's her face is contorted in disgust and primal fear. Right. She's she's biting back the taste of bio in her throat and just trying to maintain her composure. Right. But hasn't the strength to say anything.

SPEAKER_06 47:24

Okay. I would say that Jeremy is shaking so much you can hear just like the the shaking and the rattling of his armor. Oh. And also, uh, I think Stessica turns around and throws up. I don't think she can stomach it. Poor babies.

SPEAKER_08 47:39

Roz, I think not having entirely processed everything, but still taking it in, can't look at Jack or what is becoming of Jack. Um, and she's going to instead look right at Killian.

SPEAKER_05 47:55

Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 47:56

And I think I think Roz would would be muttering to herself, but I it's not it nobody can hear exactly what she's saying yet.

SPEAKER_05 48:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 48:07

Okay. Is anything else going to be done for like the next little bit? Where you guys feeling that they that this is where you guys have kind of landed until something changes.

SPEAKER_04 48:18

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 48:19

Okay. Killian spends the next 15 minutes or so finishing up his work. It looks it's like disturbingly casual to see him dust off his hands and take a step back in admiration as he sees a fully stitched-up jack in front of him. And he says, I've longed for an audience to my work for a while. Thank you. Gail, come with me. And he begins walking towards the entrance, and the sphincter opens, and he passes through, and he sits and waits for you. Oh, jeez.

SPEAKER_07 48:57

I feel like Gail knows she's way out of her depth here. And she'll tighten her fists with rage, but she'll turn to to Roz and like put both hands on his shoulders and try and give her as reassuring a look as she can. Right. Before turning away to go for.

SPEAKER_08 49:14

No, Raz is gonna shake her head. She's gonna no. No. And um instead, Roz is going to walk out and and kind of silently tell Gail to stay.

SPEAKER_06 49:27

You say no and you begin to uh step out and tell Gail to stay. And uh once again moving with pretty incredible speed, uh Killian is over you, and he says, Did I ask for you?

SPEAKER_08 49:40

You're disgusting. You're not a god. You are a monster, scum among of of what anyone could hope to be a god. You disgust me. This is not a creation, this is an abomination. And I don't know how that you can just dust off your hands and be proud of this work. Taking unwilling human souls. Disgusting, and you will never be a god. You'll never be anything more than you are. Bacteria.

SPEAKER_07 50:10

I hope Rose doesn't die right now.

SPEAKER_08 50:13

Kinda hope she does.

SPEAKER_06 50:15

Would you roll two D20s? Oh.

SPEAKER_08 50:19

Yeah, I would. Oh. Ooh. Hey, that first one was really bad. Oh no. Oh my fucking god, you're not gonna believe this.

SPEAKER_07 50:30

Oh boy. What is it?

SPEAKER_08 50:33

Bro, I got two twenties in the shit.

SPEAKER_06 50:37

When I tell you that that is probably the best possible thing that could have happened for Ros.

SPEAKER_08 50:42

I cannot believe that.

SPEAKER_06 50:43

What? He turns and looks at you and said and he leans close and he's like, Do ants cast insult at your boot? Where you come from? Your words are petty and sorry. That's pretty good. Your words mean nothing. Sit and wait. And he turns to Rex and he says, If they try to leave, tear them limb from them, make it painful. Gail, come with me. They will not be harmed as long as they stay.

SPEAKER_08 51:16

Loki, I wish I could have rolled intimidation then.

SPEAKER_06 51:18

You were.

SPEAKER_08 51:19

No, but that's what I mean. Like, I wish it was a good roll.

SPEAKER_07 51:23

I don't know. He said that that would have been worse. I'ma take his word for that. Same deal as before. Gail's gonna give her like a nod.

SPEAKER_08 51:34

Roz not gonna do anything. She's just gonna sit there.

SPEAKER_06 51:37

Okay. Gail, uh, you were let out and the sphincter closes behind you. Roz, you and Stessica and Jeremy are left in the dark. The only light at all in this room is from this uh very light green uh coming from Rex's eyes, and other than that, it is completely dark in there. Otherwise, uh Gail. You are led past the the big statue. You are led towards the casket. The man that was knocked unconscious and that Killian chained up that was infected with some type of disease, he begins to uh seize on the ground actually by his chains, and he is foaming from his mouth. So as you go to step in and follow him into this casket through these doors, you actually feel as if like you physically cannot move any f any more in. And he turns and he smiles and he's like neat, isn't it? You are welcome. And suddenly you feel you're allowed to enter now. There's like a semi-big room initially. To your left is a uh a taxidermied human head um hanging from the wall. Uh, and to the right there is some kind of uh humanoid figure you've maybe seen before, maybe not, if you knew of fantasy. I don't know how much I think Gail was a fantasy nerd a little bit, right?

SPEAKER_07 53:07

Yeah. Yeah, I think I actually mentioned that before. Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_06 53:10

So you recognize uh a tiefling head on the other side of this entry room, uh taxidermide. Um, and then the room goes from uh entrance into a hall. As you're walking, you really don't experience too much outside of this is just a very gothic style uh interior casket home. Classic. The only thing you would notice, uh other than that there are many closed rooms on either side of this hall as you walk towards the back, is that on the last room before you enter into his office area, you hear an insect-like buzzing coming from one of the rooms. Then you enter his office. There is a big uh desk, little orbs with uh little electricities inside of them, you see some potions, you see some scrolls, you see stuff of the like. Killian walks over to a pipe on the wall, and horrifyingly, uh sitting next to it is a owl, a tiny little owl with a blindfold on, strapped to a chair at the center of the cuffs holding her to the chair is a a metal pike that is piercing through the center of her wrist, and she is blindfolded and tremoring a little bit, and you see him walk up to the pipe, he twists it, her body emanates a green glow for a moment, and she cries in pain as you see a red liquid begin to be pumped out of the pipe and into a cup that Killian is holding. And he takes a sip and he says, I'd offer you a drink, but I don't think you would be interested. He walks over to his desk, sits down, and magically pushes a chair up for you, and he says, Please take a seat.

SPEAKER_07 55:03

I think I'm good where I'm at.

SPEAKER_06 55:07

He would uh stand up and say, Please, I insist.

SPEAKER_07 55:14

Uh Gil glare a little bit, but she'll she'll sit.

SPEAKER_06 55:19

Okay. He sits back down. At this point, I would like to ask uh Catherine, D, and Jacob to remove your headphones and mute your shit, I'm getting a whisper.

SPEAKER_07 55:33

I'm getting a whisper.

SPEAKER_08 55:34

What is happening?

SPEAKER_06 55:37

I took them off. I cannot believe this. You can wait for the general chat to open up. I will send you guys a message for you guys to come back in a minute. Oh my god! You if you guys can hear me, please remove your headphones and mute. Uh if not, guys, if you're re-listening to this episode, please skip this bit. Unless uh Gail has told you in character otherwise. Um okay. Okay. So he sits across from you, Gail, swirls the blood in his cup, and he says, Life, death, and undeath. It is the way of the vampire. He turns to a painting on the back wall behind him. It is a portrait of him, a woman, and a daughter. And he says, I'll never forget the screams of when they died. It changed everything. I was a mortal. I knew nothing of the way of life, death, and undeath. Life, death, undeath. I'm repeating myself. I I knew nothing of the way. But that moment changed me because I couldn't accept the reality I was faced with, and that I knew I must have any kind of power that could permit me to change my world. I tried decks of cards laced with magic, I tried genies, and turned out all I needed was one guy with some spiky teeth. It was about a thousand years ago. Emma Mary Enter. You see two bats from the portrait enter, their faces are filled with joy. I have this power, and I need a pupil in order to ascend to my next natural vampire state. And I wanted to make this offer to you as I feel that maybe you could relate to my power, my desire for it. Now, the deal is simple. I give you that. And sh he points over to the side of the room. It is a strange device with a uh it looks almost like a really s like a little tiny snow globe with a map of the place between wrapped around it, and it is attached to some type of uh handle. I give you the device, attracts your trinkets, you go out, find yours, and come back. When you come back, I turn you into a vampire. Now, I would let all of you and your friends go, but you killed two of my pets. Three of my pets, but the grey mouse can replace the one. So you may take one of them with you. The other two will stay and replace the two shrews you killed. Need I'd you know, I'd raise them from the dead, but the the disease needs a living host. Would you be interested in such a deal?

SPEAKER_07 59:03

Why why would I sacrifice my friends? What what what do I I become a vampire? What is Why would I want that?

SPEAKER_06 59:16

Life Death and on death you would be able to speak and change the very world you live in. Change the fate of your past. You're not saying I am. I could help you, I could teach you. Now I know you seem in particularly attached to the the bird, Raz. Figure you take her and leave the other two as penance for the shrews killed. And that way she lives, you live. I can help sell it as a daring heroic escape by you. The other two, they they just they feel a necessary role in this whole game.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:09

Why does it have to be them though? Why can't we w anyone would work, right?

SPEAKER_06 1:00:16

Because they killed my pets. I I feel like I've gone over this. You killed three of my pets. The gray mouse that's out there already can replace one of them. I would like to keep three to hold a dizzy for me. What do you do if I say no? If you wish to know what happens when you say no, then say no.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:38

What's stopping me from taking the trinket tracker and not coming back? See.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:47

There's a little something called the blood oath. That if you try to leave the realm without coming back after your trinkets have been collected, I will you just immediately siphon all the life from your body, and you'll be dead.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:05

I don't I don't understand. Why does it have to be them? Why can't we?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:10

I know. I am giving you a pretty generous offer. You come into my home. Realistically, I would be rewarded by Morgoth by giving all of you over to him immediately. You could end up a lot like this one over there. This owl. She powers the blood pump that brings me refreshments in my office. We are destroying every enemy we have in this war. There's not really any struggle at this point. I don't know if you noticed. The king is a puppet of ours. This is a deal of mine with Morgoth that I get to extract whenever with whoever from Terra that I wish because I want to try to make a Terran vampire, because the vampires from Terra are kinda awesome. This is the deal you have. Take it or leave it.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:57

So you'll just hand us over if I say no? Didn't ever say that. Can I roll insight on him?

SPEAKER_06 1:02:04

Yes. Go ahead and roll a d20.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:07

That was the sound of a man who knows I'm not getting any answers. Oh shit, that's a bad sound. That natural 20. Holy shit. That's fucking crazy. Fuck. I'll do it on one condition.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:28

Anything. Well, not anything, but tell me what your condition is. Someday I will kill you. If you amass the strength to kill me, I will accept my faith with open arms.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:46

I would say that kills the tension in her body, leaves and her shoulders slump. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:54

So he um pulls out a piece of parchment. He slides it over to you, and I'm just gonna I didn't write up an actual like document for this. I'm going to tell you he is not hiding anything. Um I will also say it does not state anything about leaving your companions behind, as in like Jeremy and Stessica. It just focuses on you become returning to become a vampire after you try to go about and get your trinket and stuff. If you try to leave the realm, you will die. That's kind of the gist of what it says. When you are ready, use this pen, and he holds out a pen that is very sharp on its tip and say, and says, Poke it on your finger and write, and I will write right here, and if I intervene, and your ability to get your trinkets back, and anyway, I will die, you will absorb my life force. So we'll both sign it. Would you like to sign it? Fuck. Yeah, I guess so. Okay. You sign it, and he signs it. The piece of parchment rips itself into two and then grows into a clone of itself, and one of it comes over to you and dissolves into your skin. And the other dissolves into his skin. He says, Alright. Now let's do a little performance for your friends. Or would you like to be honest with them? You could be honest with them. Or it could be a daring escape, and you manage to escape with barrier your life with the trinket tracker.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:40

There's no point lying to them. I like that.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:47

Let's go.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:54

Alright. Uh Roz. No. The sphincter opens once again, and Re Killian waves down Rex. He says, It's all good. They're good. You all can come out with me. Killian waves you all out, and you see he is looking awfully chipper. Um Gail is looking very deeply and uh darkly depressed, I imagine. I guess, Gail, what what do you say you look like?

SPEAKER_07 1:05:22

That's pretty good. I don't think that Gail could meet anybody's eyesight right now. Okay, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:29

Oh boy. You're giving handies in the back of a Denny's, aren't you?

SPEAKER_06 1:05:36

Well, Gail, would you like to tell them what the situation is, or would you like me to?

SPEAKER_07 1:05:42

Gail would shake her head as in she couldn't she couldn't say it herself.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:46

Killian's like well, so dress up. As he begins to speak, uh Rise across the room, you see a familiar little face. Uh you see Skimmer. Zip into this cave. Following that, you hear a familiar sound. A blur of speed. A sword glowing with a white energy. Ilian's arm flies onto the ground and he is taken abag.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:18

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:19

How fucking dare you? His arm instantly grows back, and Winston stands with his sword up and says, Go! I'll hold him off! Go!

SPEAKER_02 1:06:29

What would you guys like to do? John, keep in mind. I know where you live. If you kill Winston right now.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:34

Shit. I'm staying. I'm staying.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:37

I really love this reaction coming from Isaiah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:40

Yeah, well, he's at he's at Denny's right now, dude.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:44

Okay. He's in the back of Denny's right now.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:46

Maple syrup all up and down.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:50

In their girlfriend.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:51

Okay, well, uh Winston gives a look over his shoulder at you, Roz, and says, I'll be okay, Roz. I'll be alright.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:58

Go! Can I roll insight on him and see what if he believes himself?

SPEAKER_06 1:07:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:03

Uh 11.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:04

Uh, you can't tell.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:06

Damn, so my will's still damaged? What the heck? It is, yeah. Fuck.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:10

I don't think that the plot needs Roz, though. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 1:07:13

What? What the hell does that mean? Try to sacrifice yourself.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:17

Fine, I'll go, but but uh I it's gonna be hard.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:22

Okay. I would say that Jeremy uh is also going to be pushing you Roz, like, nope, nope, we gotta go.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:30

Trust, trust, gotta go. Uh, as everybody's push is like rushing away, Gil's gonna try and beat Killian's eyes and and see what he's thinking.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:39

He uh gives a a half smile at you. Hate that. Uh gestures at the object that he gave you, and then he turns to fight Winston.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:50

Uh, I don't know what the fuck that means. But Gil would would follow after everybody else. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:56

As you're like exiting the cave, you see Killian blasting off spells, and you see that his sword is dispelling the magic of the attacks, and he's like zipping around even quicker than Killian, and they are flying across the room, moving at like Mach 8. Like they're stupid fast, both fighting each other, and you guys exit out into the sewer tunnels. Alright, Dan, you have just made it onto the floor. You've just noticed the elevator, uh, and you look up and you see there is a series of doors headed to your left, and a series of doors headed to your right on the left side is one to uh one hundred, and on your right is 101 to 200. And you're looking for D66, and you're currently on the floor D.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:48

D66. So obviously I'm looking on my left. Yes. And I guess if I just start walking my way down speed walking, because Dan is known for walking extremely fast.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:57

Okay. You see all kinds of fun names and and characters and all kinds of interesting themes. Uh, this is the floor of the old gods. You see uh Cyclops, a beholder, you see a group of goblins, you see a group of tieflings, you see all kinds of shit, like guarding each door, and up in the distance, you see the number 66 up above this door, and below it are two direwolves. Uh both of them are sleeping. What would you like to do? Of course.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:28

I guess I'm gonna ask a Nand for help on this one. Okay. Uh hey Anand, uh, what do you suggest I do to get past the two sleeping nan? Nope. Well, what what do you say? You fucking suck. Hey, mommy? Yes, yeah. Oh I know how much you enjoy this job.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:45

I made a podcast to make my friends call me mommy. Very gay. Very gay, very homosexual man.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:52

What do you suggest I do to get past the two sleeping direwolves? Uh she's like, right.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:57

Um okay, so you do you have a teleport spell? I think you do, right? Yeah. Try like teleporting directly into the room. But also you have no idea what's on the other side of the room. Oh, jeez.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:16

Oh, I got this. Don't worry. And Dan would reach into his pocket and pull out a piece of beef jerky that he has had on him that he forgot about. Alright.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:26

So I like that so much because it's such a fucking callback to the first episode. That I will give you that this is the last piece of beef jerky you will have from the first episode ever.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:39

That's fine.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:40

You whip out this beef jerky, the two uh direwolves open their eyes as you approach, and at first they growl, uh, and then they see the beef jerky. Would you roll a lux save, please? You need to get below a 17. I rolled a seven, it looks like. Yeah, seven. Uh they fucking love beef jerky, dude. Damn right they do. They get up, they growl, then they sniff a little bit, and then they do the thing where like they don't want to wag their tails, but their tails start kind of wagging a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:08

Yeah, yeah. Check this out.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:10

They they take the tasty treat, and you are now at the door. Uh up above on the door is a little uh you know those like uh locks that are like rotating circles with a bunch of different numbers on it, and then you rotate the codes, and then it opens, like when it's the right code, you see that.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:27

Can I ask one of the diewals if they know or can open the door for me? They just look at you and wag their tail a little bit. They do not speak English. Fuck. Kind of like kinda point at the door and like in a universal, like open, like sign language almost. Their way their tails continue to wag. They don't they don't know. Okay. Um is the door even locked? Go ahead and try it. Can I try open-yeah, I want to try and open them.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:53

Uh you try to open the door, it opens. You solved the puzzle without asking a name.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:58

I figured I was like, this feels like the abeishing digital circus.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:02

Okay, yeah. You open the the door in a little tiny crack, and it is a magnificently big door. Uh, like the the keypad was like eye-level with you. Uh, and in front of you, in this room, there is uh lots of animal pelts of enormous size. Uh you see a throne that seems to be made out of a uh a giant snake skeleton. Um, and in it you see you see a very lanky uh skinny um giant sitting uh and he is flipping a coin on his fingers and moving them back and forth. Uh and he is observing the magic being written down below very, very carefully. Uh would you go ahead and roll a will save, please? I rolled a 15. So upon first check of this room, there's no sign of any type of scroll of any kind. So is there any specific spot you would like to check?

SPEAKER_02 1:13:07

Can I look around to see if there's anywhere that might like look like where a scroll might be sitting? Like within just the eye shot?

SPEAKER_06 1:13:16

That's kind of what the first rule was. Okay, I was wondering. So if you want to look more specifically into a different area, you could do that. Okay. Do I see any kind of shelving anywhere at all? I'm going to say yes, on the right side of this room you see a small um shelf that appears to actually horrifyingly be made of human bones. Oh, that's great.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:39

Okay. I guess I will walk over study or look on the shelf to see if I can find the scroll that I'm looking for. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:47

Go ahead and give me another wheel save, please. Motherfucker! I rolled a 14. 14? Okay. Uh no scroll there. Shit. Um go ahead and make a uh advantage deck save, please.

unknown 1:13:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:59

A seven. Hey. Okay, two successes. So he does not notice you still. Okay, where else would you like to check?

SPEAKER_02 1:14:07

Can I kind of sneak up behind him and like kind of look over his shoulder to look at the scroll he's currently working on?

SPEAKER_06 1:14:13

Okay, so I will tell you this. He's not necessarily working on a scroll, first point. Oh, sorry. It's okay. He is observing what is being written down below in the Coliseum, uh, where all those Parliament dudes are, right in the new laws of magic. He you also cannot look over his shoulder because he's a giant.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:33

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:35

So you your head is about like equal to the seat of his chair. And he is sitting in this chair.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:42

Damn, okay, yeah, he could stomp the life out of me. Okay. He's a big boy. He's a very big boy. Um. Mommy, I got another question. Yes. Yeah, you're getting a lot more enjoyment out of this than I am. Where would the scroll be by chance?

SPEAKER_06 1:14:56

So the scroll would likely be, and you're gonna hate me for saying this, um, probably in his pocket. Which pocket? I feel like I don't know. You can check the left one, the right one, or just one of those two, probably.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:13

Okay. So Dan would first check, I guess the left pocket. Well, no, because he's on his right. I guess whichever pocket he's closest to. You were closer to the right.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:21

Okay, yeah. Glance uh at his pocket and you see no pocket bulge. Okay. It doesn't look like anything's in that pocket. So I guess I'll check the other pocket. So you walk over onto the left side and you see the appearance of some type of scroll is probably in this pocket that looks like where it would be. And it is uh about the uh width and size of your arm.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:43

So pretty big scroll. Is the door still still cracked open at all? Sure is, yep. Alright. Can I cast the Eldritch fire on the scroll in his pocket? Yes, you can. And I am ready to book it.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:53

Alright, I'm gonna make you I'm gonna have you roll two rolls here. The first roll is a D6 for the spell.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:00

Oh fuck. What you get? I roll the six.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:03

Alright, go ahead and roll another D6 of will damage, please. Oh, I rolled the one. Okay, you take one will damage, and I will tell you that was probably good because the damage of Eldridge Fire is determined by the spell dice. You do six damage of fire damage to this piece of parchment in his pocket, and it immediately is eviscerated. And I would like you to now make a deck save to run the hell away before he can do anything. Oh shit. I rolled a 16. Can I use luck? You want to use a luck. Yeah. Okay. Yes, you can use luck. You go down to 16 luck, and you are fucking out of there before he gets out of his chair, even. You run past the two dire wolves, both of them wag their tails and are like, oh, it's you. And then their tails are immediately tucked as soon as uh the giant comes clambering out. But but you get to wherever you're going first. Where would you like to be headed to?

SPEAKER_02 1:16:56

Uh to the elevators that I spotted earlier. Whenever I made it up to the thing. You're gonna go to the elevator? Yeah. I am like pushing that button. It's like, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:05

So you run to the elevator, you get in, go ahead and uh roll a lux save to see if anybody else is in there, please. Oh, I think thank god I rolled an eleven. Alright, you make it into this elevator, nobody else is in there. I'm gonna see how good this guy's eyesight is to see if he gets a decent look at you to see what you look like. Okay, so I know the the answer to that. You head down a couple of flights. The doors open at floor G. What would you like to do? Mommy, get me out of here. I did the thing. I killed the scroll. Killed the scroll. Burn the scroll. She says, Oh, good boy. And then you disappear from the realm and you wake up in the bed back as a crow in the pirate hotel.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:51

Alright, cool. Dan would get up and go take a shower real quick and then lay back down.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:56

Word. Alright, you sleep the rest of the night without incident. Awesome. As far as I'm aware.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:02

As far as I'm aware.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:09

Alright, Jacob. Hello. So you were last seen teleporting into the poorer districts of Pine Hill.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:18

Uh okay, can you like explain the or can you like describe the street to me then? Like what's on my left, what's on my right? Okay. What kind of situation am I walking into?

SPEAKER_06 1:18:26

It's a dirt street, unlike the cobblestone, for the majority of the uh m the more illustrious side of Pine Hill. So there's a bunch of these pine trees, and they are very much so just packed to the brim with hundreds of thousands of apartments throughout this whole thing. Along the street you see more houses. Some people are living in shoeboxes, some people are living in just all kinds of cute little trinkets from earth, from other realms and stuff that have fallen through into the place between and reworked into it some cheap housing and shops and stuff. Along these businesses on the ground, you see some taverns. There's lots of like carts that have seemingly been kind of abandoned as guards have pushed people to go inside. That's kind of what the situation is.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:11

Okay. Uh I'm I guess at this point I will go into like a tavern. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:16

Are you trying to be sneaky? As there are still guards out and about, but less so over on this side. They're less concerned about the safety of these civilians.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:25

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm can I like stuff Can I like stuff my money in my back so it looks like I have a hunch and like and hunch around the city?

SPEAKER_06 1:19:34

Oh my god, okay. You look exactly like an old lady. Okay. Alright, you you get into this uh this tavern and it is absolutely packed. Uh the dude is yelling out at the crowd uh from the bar. He's like, We are so sorry, but we have no more rooms available. Now y'all can stay here in the lobby for a very small fee of one pip. And then the whole crowd's like, oh, come on, come on, lobby, come on!

SPEAKER_05 1:20:04

And he's like, Oh no, I know I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:07

Alright, so that's the room that's kind of the the space you find yourself in currently, Samuel.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:13

Can I can I go to like the person that's like running this?

SPEAKER_06 1:20:16

Yes, absolutely. You walk up to the person running it, and there's a short line, but people are mostly just kind of sitting about hoping that he doesn't bother them. Okay. And doesn't charge them for not getting even a room. So you walk up to him and he's like, Right, what can I do for you, love?

SPEAKER_03 1:20:33

What what can an old woman get for five pips?

SPEAKER_06 1:20:38

I feel like everybody within earshot of you like looks at you. They're like, five pips? God damn. And he's like, Honey for five pips. I'll give you a damn near whole floor. But since we're mostly filled, I guess you could take the sweet. I don't normally offer it when stuff gets like this, because you know, don't want that many nice rooms, but if you want the sweet, it's yours for five pips.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:05

I think I'll take it, that's a good deal.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:08

Alright, I'll do. Okay, so you give him five pips, I assume, not out of your lump, but out of like your normal pip purse.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:14

I've got like a prison wall situation. I like reach between my legs.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:18

He takes the pips like, oh he's money, I'll guess. And he like kind of like scrapes him off his hand and puts him in uh in his little drawer. And he's like, Roar, uh, here's the key. And he hands you a key, and he's like, sorry, it's it's up them stairs. I don't know how well you walk upstairs, but I think I would I think I'll need help from the strongest gentleman here. Well, that would be Buffass Steve over there. Buff ass Steve?

SPEAKER_03 1:21:46

Buff ass Steve! I mean could an old woman borrow your strength for a second?

SPEAKER_06 1:21:53

Buff old Steve looks over at you and you see a uh you see a very familiar frame. Uh-oh. And you wouldn't maybe be able to place him if it weren't for his voice, and he goes, Hey, how's it going? And you recognize his voice from that one time that somebody broke into that piss store and the giant buff guy had a little squeaky voice. And he is a bird. Do you remember when there was like a store that was being broken into right when Gail was having her seizure in that alleyway? And then a couple people went over there and you were like, Oh, if he sounds like that, maybe we could take him.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:26

Because he's like, Alright, just don't do it again after he gets kissed.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:30

Yes. Yes, exactly. Okay, yes, I do remember him. You recognize him as that guy. He's a big bird.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:36

Oh, what a strapping young fellow you are.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:38

Ah, sharks. I appreciate that. You know what? Sweet old lady like yourself, I'll carry up there for free.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:45

Oh, oh, oh okay. I lunge, but I like I do it so my leg like uh like the baby rap, like my legs are around his stomach, like groin towards stomach.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:55

Okay, you baby rap. So the dick is rubbing up.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:58

He like grabs you and he's carrying you up these stairs, and he's like, damn, grandma, it feels like you got some good muscle definition for for being such a, you know, well-seasoned lady.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:09

What else are you feeling?

SPEAKER_03 1:23:10

That's just the muscles from carrying this wagon in the back all these years.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:17

Okay. Uh so he carries you up the stairs, he sets you down at the top of the stairs, and he's like, Alright.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:23

Well, you have a good night, miss.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:25

And he begins walking once.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:28

Before you leave, huh? I'm a lonely old woman. Lonely one. I would love some company. Never been with a lonely boy.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:36

Company, you say? Uh well, um, I guess you could say I my packer only points in one direction, if you know what I'm saying. Smash him right now. And it's for my wife.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:47

Oh, my beautiful wife.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:49

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:50

I was I was wondering. Maybe you have some more friends you could bring up here.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:55

What the f- I swear to god, Samuel's trying to get a train run on him every episode. I'm not too hard.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:03

I I like read I like reach down and pull out a pip from my prison wallet.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:08

From my prison wallet. Oh, you know, like oh. Um you roll a will saver, please.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:18

Got a 13.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:19

Thank god, thank Christ. Thank god. No, no, I don't I don't think so. Oh he walks, starts walking down the stairs.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:28

I knew you'd enjoy your night, man! I knew you'd say that.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:31

I like fan tube hips. He's just gonna he keeps going down the stairs. And you hear in the distance, he's like, that lady has so much money in her vagina. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:45

Samuel has never taken rejection like this before.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:48

You have access to the room now if you wanna if you would like to go into the room.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:52

Yeah, I would like to I would like to go into the room.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:54

Uh it looks like the average hotel room of a of like just any hotel. Like it's not, it's like for a suite, this is the most normal hotel room you've ever seen in all of the land. Like, but this is the best they have. So.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:09

Okay. I would like to go in and I would like to lock the doors.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:13

Okay, good plan.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:14

Can I do the thing where I like set up the bed as if somebody's like sleeping under the covers, but I go sleep in like the tub?

SPEAKER_06 1:25:20

Oh. Brilliant. Yes, you can. Uh, would you go ahead and roll a just roll a D20 and tell me what you get? I got a two. God damn, this is the most convincing body fake double you have ever like seen. Like you swear, like a couple times as you're setting it up, you're like, fuck, is someone in there? You do a really good thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:42

This didn't work out. I get schizophrenia.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:43

I'm like, holy shit, who is it? Uh yeah, so you do that and you go and you sleep in the top. Constrator, the Storden Whiskers role-playing game was created by Isaac Williams. This podcast would not exist without the inspiration of real play podcasts that came before, such as Dungeons and Daddies, Critical Role, and Adventure Zone. Thanks so much for listening, and we'll catch you in the next episode. Hey buddy, how's it going?

SPEAKER_09 1:28:27

I never I never left you, knew it.

SPEAKER_06 1:28:34

Oh hey yeah. Damn that that pussy looked dry though.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:39

Fucking forever. So the maple syrup doesn't get lubed on my cock if I uh if I go back.

SPEAKER_06 1:28:49

That would be correct. The maple syrup will not be lubed on your cock if you don't go back.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:53

Yeah. Sorry, I didn't have my sheet hold up. That's okay, you uh you do fail. Thanks.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:59

Damn. The swiftness in which you answer John is brutal at times.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:04

It is. You're walking. You do fail.

SPEAKER_06 1:29:08

Jacob, Jacob just sent me a message saying, Am I a good boy, Dungeon Master?

SPEAKER_07 1:29:13

I think he's a good boy. I think he's a good boy.

SPEAKER_06 1:29:15

I'll get to you in a second, Jacob.