Changing the Mindset When You're Barely Hanging On

This week, the girls tackle the heavy mental toll of planting season and the accidental expectations we place on our husbands. They open up about the challenge of finding a middle ground between respecting the farm's priority and demanding the break you desperately need. It's an honest conversation about flipping the script on loneliness, letting go of resentment, and leaning into grace-filled friendships.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

But it's just that one thing after another where I'm just like I I don't even know what's best for me at this point. Let me just get through the day. That's so unhealthy to sometimes think about. So, Brady, I have a question for you. What's it like when the corn is high, but the chaos is higher?

SPEAKER_02 0:18

It's a lot of things, but it's never boring. This is the farm why files. Life between the rows. Okay, we're back. Part two. Wait all of back catchy? Okay, so we're only kind of we were just talking about like how we disconnect a little bit when we get into busy season and how that looks.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Yeah, between lives and yeah, and there was a point where you and Tyler really just start.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

Yeah, so okay, well, I'll just I mean I'm open about my life. We're good. We're good. Yeah, it's it's fine. So anyway, we get into busy season and like as the years go by and then also having kids, like I'm busy too. I honestly I used to, I think, probably annoy Tyler because I just missed him, you know, especially if I was just working, or then the last couple years before kids, I had my candle business, so I didn't have a nine to five job. I could do whatever I wanted. So there was a lot of days where it was just like downtime for me, and he was in a row. I'm like, it was just a lot of loneliness, and now that's changed to like more exhaustion because I'm just taking care of the kids and trying to get through the day and taking care of the house and whatnot. And then um, so we got so okay. I'm trying to think how we I don't know how much we got planted. I can't remember if all of our corn was in or not. And then we got that rain. Um was like 80 hundredths or something. So it stopped us for a few days, and so in my mind, I'm thinking, okay, I've let Tyler do his thing, I've completely taken care of the household, the kids, like I have had no expectations of him whatsoever. So hopefully he has seen that and show some appreciation in a way of like, hey, I've got the kids this game this day, go out and get your nails done. Or take two hours for yourself. Like, take a break and I'll be there. And that was not the case at all. He still worked the same amount of hours, like trying to get spray stuff ready and the spray stuff was and I'm not saying like there was nothing to do on the farm because he loves to put that those words in my mouth that oh yeah, when it rains, you just think there's nothing to do on the farm. I don't think that. I've never thought that. But I do think when it rains, we're able to prioritize the farm a little differently. Maybe the farm doesn't need to take first priority this day or for two hours. Maybe you could say, hey, my wife's been like dying in the trenches with these children, changing poopy diapers all the time, and just you know, like two hours would be nice for her to leave without a child. But that was not the case. So I was upset. I didn't say anything about it, but I'm passive aggressive queen. I'm working on it, I know that. But for about I'm not working on it, yeah. But for about three days, he came home. Are you okay? What's wrong? And then he just said, Leave it. Probably a third date. Are we gonna talk about this? Something is wrong. You're mad, what's wrong? Let's talk about it. I'm like, okay, fine. So then we have all in but I don't like to talk in front of the kids. Right. Um, because I can be very passionate how I talk when I'm upset. Yeah. Um I just don't go there. So then, you know, we get the kids to bed whenever we were sitting down. I was having a glass of wine trying to read, he was scrolling through TikTok. And finally I'm like, yeah, I'm mad at you. And he's like, Yep, I know. Why are you mad at me? You didn't have to state the obvious. So I I told him and we just had a conversation about it. And what kind of what really sparked my whole like I wasn't, I was just like passive aggressively mean to him the day the the days before was I had rate a little bit more. So on top of the 80 hundreds, we got like another 20 hundreds. So I'm like, okay, surely he can take a little time off from the farm. So I asked him, I'd really like to go get my feet done. Could you watch the kids for two hours? And he kind of freaked out about it. And so that just made me like rage. I was so annoyed. And then so fast forward to we're having this conversation. And we talk about it. We both tell each other our opinions and our feelings and our thoughts. But at the end of the day, we've I think if that's with all spouses, and that comes with age. By the end of that conversation, we didn't agree with each other, we didn't look at each other and say, I'm wrong, I handled this wrong, I think you're right. We both still, and probably now to this day, think that we are both in the right, but we have to still, as spouses, come to a some sort of conclusion. Like, okay, I for myself as your wife, I need to get over the fact that you are not good about being thoughtful, like on your own. So I need to get over the fact of like, it's okay if I just ask, hey, I would like to go get my nails done. What day works for you? And then Tyler needs to work on, okay, my wife has done XYZ. I can take a two-hour break from the farm so this day would work, instead of having all these expectations in our head of the type of spouse we want them to be. So that's just been a learning curve. Helpful through the busy season, but like here we are, we've been together for a decade and we're still doing it. Like, we're still having those disagreements and those false expectations that we hope are upheld. So I don't know. I don't know if you can relate. I don't know like what you felt something with that, or if you and Cody struggle with that.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

I don't know if because obviously we don't have the kids, but those are the types of conversations that we have had in the past where it's okay, if we do have kids, when we have who is going to pick up the kid from daycare? Yeah. Because I'm sending them to daycare. And it's or it's okay, if I want to go get my nails done, but you have something that you know that you have to get done at the farm, like, am I gonna feel guilty to go get my nails done? Like, I still need to be able to do things, but I also understand that Cody works all day and he still has his own farm to do. Yes, and so it's like I don't want to take away from that.

SPEAKER_02 6:36

It's trying to find that line of like the farm, obviously it takes priority over everything, no matter what, it always does, and it should because the farm provides. That's how that's why we get to live the way that we live, and also we love it. Like we're very prideful, we love to do it, we're glad we get to do it. But also, where's the line of like we're at a point in a season, or we're at a point as far as work that needs to be done, that we can say, okay, we can take a little bit of a break and we can prioritize family, or we can prioritize friends or extended family, or whatever the case may be. Like, I think we're still trying to find that.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

I agree. And I I don't know if I will ever be able to say, like, we a hundred percent figured it out.

SPEAKER_02 7:24

I know, right. Because there's always gonna be something else to well, life changes.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

I mean, as soon as you know Tayline gets old enough to go play soccer, yeah, we're gonna have sports acts. But there was a TikTok that I was watching, and it was about the I think it was like the aunt, like the true aunt, where it's like, I want your kids' soccer schedules and all of this stuff. I might not go to every single one of them, but I I want to, you know, go do that. Or it's like Brooke and I just had this conversation where she was like, if we have to get up and go, because Hadley, her their youngest, was having some health issues and hopefully has not been figured out. But she was just like, Well, what do I do about Watson? I said, You call me at two o'clock in the morning. I said, My phone is always on, but you call me. I said, and I know sometimes you don't you call me, I decline it, or I can't answer. I said, if you call me back a second time, that's always our code.

SPEAKER_02 8:21

Right between any of our friends, or like even Tyler. Like he knows if he's busy doing something and I call and he hangs up because he's like greasing or whatnot. If I call immediately again, he's taking loves off, putting a grease gun down, and he's answering.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Right. And that's where I was just like, you call me back a second time. I said I will be there. And it's just that like you just have to have that community of people.

SPEAKER_02 8:46

It takes a village. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

And it's like going back to the I well, last episode we talked about how your sister came over. It doesn't even have to be our spouse sometimes, but it especially when we have the respect that our spouse has something to do and that it is important and that we understand the importance of it. But to have those other people in our lives to also be like, to call on, to be like, I need to get out of this house to get away from these children before the children end up on the supper plate.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

And I will say that is one thing I feel like I've done better this season is I think I used to, I used to think Tyler's in a busy season, so I have to suffer.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

Right.

SPEAKER_02 9:28

Which that's not the case. Yes, I miss my husband. Yes, it sucks he's not here. Yes, the days are long and exhausting, but I don't have to suffer. I I don't want to look at it in that light of like negativity. And so that's why finally, which like the last long day, which I guess today, hopefully we get done spring, but yesterday, like one of the last long days, I finally like texted my sister and asked for help. And I'm like, why did I wait that long? Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

Like, why but it's also okay. So, like, if I was on the receiving end and I couldn't do it, like at that moment, granted, you you worded it like when what does it work best for you? I could be like, Okay, well, this day, this day, this day. Or not even that, but Tyler said, Are do you guys really have to record on Saturday? Yeah, because Sun or um Sunday would work better for me because I can't spray on Sunday because of the wind or whatever. And it was just like, so you text me and you were like, Can you? And I was just like, Well, I can, but I would have to move my stuff around.

SPEAKER_02 10:33

And that's when I text you, like, that's fine if you can't. I don't want you to have to move your stuff. But I and that's kind of like I think as a mom, you get that like line of like relying on people. So it's like, okay, I know Tyler can't, so I need to see what Addy's schedule is, and then I'll see if Renee could watch the kids. Right. And then, you know, the future go down the line of people or like plans or optionating.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Yeah, and it was like, and I think my response was is like, well, yes, I could do it on Sunday. I can move some things around. I don't want to like inconvenience you guys for it because I know the farm is important, but here it is, like it's like, am I gonna inconvenience myself from just so I'm putting like the farm first? Like, I'm making that decision. And so sometimes I feel that guilt where I'm like, I know the farm is important and I know why it's important that we're doing it. Yeah. Yeah. But and that's where it's like, okay, I know that I'm not gonna be the number one priority in this aspect of things. But at the same time, I'm like, I don't want to degrade my my priorities or like what I need as a priority just because I know.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

That's exactly why I said I don't want you to have to drive out devil because you shouldn't have to.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

And I I mean I totally would have.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

I know.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

And I said that. I said I totally will, but it's just like it works out perfect that I can come up this afternoon, we can get two events done, we have podcasts and we have our book club, and then Sunday, I can do whatever I need to get done on Sunday. And so whether that means going to Des Moines, Iowa to go pick up a couch, or if that means going to Omaha to go see my mom, like or that means moving moving my brother into an apartment. Like, I you know, whatever that works, but it's just that one thing after another where I'm just like I I don't even know what's best for me at this point. Let me just get through the day. That's so unhealthy to sometimes think about.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

I know, but I don't know. I do really feel like it's just a switch in the in your mindset because I mean, even back with you know, wanting to do the whole like my own acres and stuff, it that was so nice to just I had such an outlook on I had such anger and frustration towards my spouse because it's like I have all this on my plate. Like with the house, it's the it's the kids and the dishes and the laundry and the bills and the books and just everything. And I never whenever I thought about Tyler and his duties, it was just the farm. So now knowing what I know, it's it's not just the farm. You know, it's he's got all this, he's got you know, chemical and fungicide stuff he's gonna do. And what's he wanna put in the soil before we even get to putting what kind of seed we're gonna put in it? Like, and then he's doing all this work. Is it even gonna make is it even worth it because are we gonna have rain? Right. Are we gonna have hail take it out in the end of June? Right. You just so I think that has been really nice change of mindset that it's not just the farm, there is so many entities within that that he's having to make really big decisions and really having a mental toll on himself because he has to think, are these the right decisions I'm making? As I'm as am I here at the house. But then same, like going into busy season as far as like I've just changed the mindset as to Tyler's not an option as far as helping with the kids, and that's okay. He is extremely busy, like he is trying to make sure he gets our money put into the ground so that we can have it come full. And so just you know, reaching out to my sister, reaching out to Renee before I even ask him. You know, we had I've had all of Branson's PT appointments, and so I've been able to do that when Talon goes to daycare on Mondays. But if there's something I don't have um or I can't schedule on a Monday, I call Renee because it's like if I can just take that off of his plate that he already has all these things on his mind to do, then I'm happier to do that. And I think it helps our relationship because Tyler's not feeling pulled. He's like, I can just focus on farm right now.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

Do you feel like sometimes, and I am very guilty of this, so I am curious if you feel like Tyler's guilty of it. You have all these things on your plate, and when something else gets added to your plate that you need to put as a priority because your wife told you to, or for example, like work, put another thing on my plate, and I need to prioritize this because of the impact that it has. But I'm not my best self and I don't do the best job that I can be because I'm so stressed about getting my other to-do list that I already had put in my head. Do you feel like Tyler sometimes struggles with like staying home with the kids? Even though, let's say you had to take Branson to his PT appointment, he needs to watch Taylin because Renee is out of town or something like that. Like there's no one other than Tyler to take care of Taylin at that point. Do you feel like he is 100% invested into Taylin at that time, or do you feel like he's so amped up about trying to get back out into the field or do something on the farm?

SPEAKER_02 15:57

This is not gonna be a diss at him, but we just really haven't had that scenario.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

Okay. Because I just like You just figured it out before it needed to be him.

SPEAKER_02 16:08

Yeah, or I will I'll just I make it work.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:13

Like if I need to take Taylor into a dark appointment with birds. And like, we'll just all go before I like inconvenience Tyler or but also like I that's also for myself too. Like, I don't want people on here listening, like, wow, she really caters so to the, you know, so the foreman and her husband can do whatever. Like, I'm gonna put husband home. Like, I want you in the field. I mean, you I was kind of irritated. There was a day that we didn't have any of the higher, which is I think Cody he can hear that I was irritated with him, but I just didn't understand why they did it that way. None of the hired guys worked on a Saturday, so all we did was spray. It was a beautiful day, and not one seed got planted.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

And that irritated me, and I undermined myself, like everybody else has life. Like, this we're still early in the season, it's fine.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Well, and it's also a Saturday, too. Like, I mean, it's not harvest.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

We're I know. And in my mind, I'm like, I would just rather like burden myself, busier, make myself busier so that that gets done so he can be held quicker. And I know you kind of get like that during harvest too. Absolutely, but it's just yeah, I don't know. So I I will say there was a when it rained and Tyler was home that first day he was back after a really long stint, it was rough with Talon. Yeah, just he had no patience. He every little thing she did, he was just on edge. And that's just not being with her and around her a lot. And I think you kind of get accustomed to their behavior and your patience, you get a lot more patience the longer you're with them. And so that was a frustrating day, but I really just had to bite my tongue and remind myself like he's been in his own farm world, like he hasn't been in the chaos of toddlerhood and and parenthood. And then there was one day we it was we never go ride the first couple days of planting because we're trying to get the quirks out, trying to get the planner set. And I yeah, I've made but we haven't rode ever in the first couple days with kids, just because even when Tyler and I were dating, I made that mistake and I'm like, I won't be doing that again. No, Tyler was not his best self, no, and so we went out like a week after they had started, or no, probably not a week, four or five days. And um, Tyler was just still in his like go, go, go, like every second counts, irritable, doesn't know why this is taking so long. Mood, and I just wanted to get a family picture. You know, it's planting season when it Branson has never got to write or anything, so that was important for me. He was just a grouch the whole time, and then he was very irritable the whole time we were writing, and you know, there's four of us, so like I'm on the ground with Branson, and Talon's in the buddy seat, and between the buddy seat or then sitting up top on the where the tire thing is, so she's just going back and forth, she wants to have snacks, like, and he was just not a great dad. Yeah, like he's always a good dad, but like he was just not his best dad's self because he was just so amped up about planting. So we only stayed for like half an hour, but then I told him, I'm like, You are a grouch, like that's not fun. I said, You told us to come out. I asked, and you told us to come out next time, just tell us like today's not a good day, right? Because I would much rather us just skip the day and then we can come back instead of Talon seeing you like because she doesn't get to see you a lot. So those 30 minutes, like she got to see dad be really grouchy and not fun, dad. Right, and like that's not fun for her, and it wasn't it wasn't fun for me or anybody, so we had that conversation, and then after that, you know, it was fine. We went and rode as a family in the spring or a couple days ago, and it was Taylor and her meltdowns per usual, but it was enjoyable, good. So, you know, we're just every see every season and face of life, I feel like it's just always changing, and we're just we're just relearning it constantly. You feel like you get it down, and then it's like, nope, actually, we're gonna switch this up, or this is gonna be different, or whatever the case may be. But I don't know, also just like the loneliness of the season, and I know we've had an episode of like the harvest bubble. I feel like it's just a busy season bubble. I know.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

Because I totally I texted you when we literally have the text messages up. You texted me at like nine o'clock in the morning and you said, hi, which okay, nine o'clock in the morning, Brady is usually like all business. Like it's more of like, hey, I have this and this, these are the questions that I have. Respond when not the wildest, but like I'm just like it's not usually like a nonchalant conversation. And when we do have a conversation, it's usually over the phone. Um, but you text me at nine o'clock in the morning and it was hi, just to check in. How are you doing? How's work? I think I'm ready for planting to be over. And then you put an L O L after it. And my response was completely candid. I was just like, I'm barely hanging on.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

I didn't expect anything different though.

SPEAKER_00 21:08

No, like if you knew the everything going on in the life right now, it was like, I'm truly being barely hanging on. And so I said, like this and this happened, blah blah blah blah. And at the very end, I was just like, Cody hasn't put the AC unit in our house right now, so I'm dying. Yeah, he finally did. But I ended the thing, and I'm gonna drop the F bomb here because this is completely candid. I said, and planting fucking sucks. I was just over it. Like that that was just the candid, like complete conversation that I was having, and it was just it felt like one thing after another after another after another, and it was just like all piling up on me. And so that one little text, like as much as me just like rationalizing it out loud. And like texting it back out loud, it was so cool, like relieving for me to be like oh wow, yeah. No, there is a lot. I can I can feel the way I can feel the way that I'm feeling, and it's not like not warranted.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

This is what I thought this season just honestly sucks. I read in the tractor once once for 15 minutes with both kids. Like I just don't feel like gosh, I say light all the time. I just don't feel like I've gotten any enjoyment or my ag passion fulfilled this season. Definitely feel like I'm not being helpful to Taylor in any sort of way.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

Yeah. I said, I also agree with the non-helpfulness. I feel like I'm adding to Cody's plate, but at the same time, I don't know how else to get things done.

SPEAKER_02 22:51

You tell me to read our story, husband at all, because we do actually care and like we do feel bad.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

I know, Cody was just like, what are you doing tomorrow as in today? I said, Oh, I'm going up to record the podcast. And he was like, Oh, so you can talk with Brady Brady about me all day. And I was just like, sure, if that's what you want to think, sure.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

You can listen to the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

Uh so yeah, but uh you end up saying, Oh yes, here that I did good here.

SPEAKER_02 23:22

Yeah, I said yes, same here. It's hard to find the middle ground of respecting that it's their busy season and not wanting to add stress, but also you're a part of this family, and there are things I need help with too.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

It was good. I I mean, it was fun to like just have that conversation and just like little check-in with each other. Well, yeah, and it's not of only that, but I loved that our relationship was like that. But then also I'm like, as I'm typing this stuff out, like typing it out, I'm like, okay, yeah, no, there is a lot going on, and the way that I'm feeling or internalizing everything is like completely normal and it's completely valid.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

Just to get it out of our mind, I think is make it at least makes me feel better.

SPEAKER_00 24:02

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:07

Even if we're like world on fire, like everything's bad mood. If we can text that way, we can still be like, Yeah, I get you, like it sucks. Like, right, or I may not be in it with you, or I may not like relate to whatever it is you're going through right now, but like I get it, you're valid, and like feel the way you feel, and it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

What I really enjoy about the friendships that like you and I have, but there's other people also where I'm gonna validate your feelings, but if I'm not gonna validate your feelings, I'm telling you I'm not validating your feelings because you're in the wrong. And like, yeah, that might hurt to hear, like as like it's like, okay, nope, you are being the little cray cray right now.

SPEAKER_02 24:52

Like Metro, there's been so many times in scenarios I've been like, how do you read this? Did I take this wrong? Right. Am I reacting too harshly? Like, and I think everybody in their life needs a friend like that.

SPEAKER_00 25:03

Yeah, and it's again, you do it with me, I do it with you. Um, but there's also like Aaron, for example, I would be like, Okay, did you see this? Or, you know, and it's completely like not even like our friend group related, just like a different friend group or whatever. And she was just like, Yeah, I also saw that. Like, what is that about? And I was just like, Okay, I'm glad that you thought that like, yeah. And it and then I I was guilty of this this morning too, where I was just like, Did you see XYZ on social media today or yesterday? And you were like, No, and and then I I catch myself like in this like gossip-ish stage, and it's like I'm trying to not eat it I know, and it's just like nope, I need to do it, but then I go on the other side and I'm like, I know it's not godly of me to like gossip and like to put myself in that situation, but it's also like, but this is really bothering me, and I don't know why it's bothering me, but it's bothering me.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Well, and I think a beauty about our relationship too is because I think I, you know, when I'm trying to be like God-centered and I'm trying to help fellow believers um in their faith journey, it's nice that I could look at you and say, I agree, I see why you're feeling the way you are, but God asks us to be gracious and yeah, we should not judge. I know. And instead of you looking at me and being like, shut up. Yeah, like gossip with me, judge with me. You're like, thank you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:30

Well, and it was just like literally that happened just before we came down here. Cause I was just like, I'm feeling this way, and I don't understand why it goes like this. And you were like, Addie, it's okay to feel that way. You're allowed to feel that way. And then I like said another thing, and you're like, Yeah, but you know, remember, God tells us to be. I was just like, no, we just told me that I'm okay to feel this way, Brady. Like, I'm like, why are you making this confusing? But like, so like I'm like, yes, you are right.

SPEAKER_02 27:01

I think part is not so part. Because I struggle too. Like, I get in the middle of gossip, and I'm like, zip your lip in.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

I know, and I I feel like you have done really well at that.

SPEAKER_02 27:12

And it's like I really have been like actively trying.

SPEAKER_00 27:15

Yeah, and it's like pushed on me where I'm like, okay, nope, you're right. I still have the feelings, and it's okay that I have these feelings, but I might not say them out loud. Like, it's just like I don't know what that looks like.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

Sometimes I'm like, is it gossip? Like if these things are happening to me and I'm just like relaying them, is that gossip? But then I'm like, if I'm feeling convicted about it, it's probably gossip. Or it's probably something like if you have that feeling of conviction, it's probably something you shouldn't be doing.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Yes, yes, see what I'm saying there though. Yeah, and I struggle with that because it's like some love thy neighbor and you know, like pour into others, like you know, spread all else he asks us to love one another. Right. And so, like, I want to love these people, and just because I'm like quote unquote gossiping does not mean that I don't love them, but at the same time, I'm like, I I really need to put myself in that situation where it's like, okay, no, I really do need to stop like talking about them. Whether I consider that gossiping or not, something is still bothering me about it, and you know, what that situation is. It could be they bought a puppy and I don't think that they're ready for a puppy. Is that gossip?

SPEAKER_02 28:27

Maybe, or just your opinion, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:29

Like that's where I struggle. Where I'm like, is it gossip or is it a sh an opinion of mine?

SPEAKER_02 28:35

And I'm also like your own health.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Right.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

Is it really like is there some situations I'll find myself, I'm like, why am I stewing over this so much? Like, okay, it's been days, sometimes even weeks. Why are you still like thinking about this and playing this through your mind? Like, let it be. Right. Like, rid yourself of this because it's not good for you to be thinking about it 24-7.

SPEAKER_00 28:59

Well, and that's the other thing is like when you say your health, it might just be easier for me to talk about it to a trusted person that I know is gonna be like, No, you're in the wrong. Stop. Like, you you know. So it's like, okay, because it I know that if I don't say something about it to a trusted person or something like that, I'm gonna stew on it, and then I'm gonna keep thinking about it and it's gonna keep bothering me. And then I'm gonna have like more like a hatred is not the right word, but I'm gonna have like more like negative, maybe negative feelings towards that person.

SPEAKER_02 29:32

Before where it's like, okay, I feel like it's different when if I'm feeling upset or irritated about something, I can come to you and it's a safe space where it's not going to leave that space, it's never going to get back to those ears that I'm talking about to hurt their feelings. Right. Whereas there have been many situations where people are gossiping or people are ranting and about me or things that I've done and it's gotten back to me and it's really hurting my feelings. Right. That's fine. At the end of the day, if you don't agree with something that I've done and you want to rant about it or get it off your chest, really, I I can't you're allowed to do that, but like don't have it get back to me if it's hurtful.

SPEAKER_00 30:13

Right.

SPEAKER_02 30:13

Because I think that's where the line is of ridding yourself of it, getting that off your chest, but it not getting to that other person and like hurting people.

SPEAKER_00 30:23

Yep. Yeah. I agree with all of that. Yeah. It's it's just a tough thing to do. But going back to just having like good friendships and good people around, and like it's okay to check in on people, and it's okay to just send like a little like, hey, thinking about you don't have to have like this whole conversation about putting in the AC in it. But but it's like it's so refreshing having those relationships in my life that I can trust and I can go to this person and I can have this candid conversation and not necessarily feel judged, or I can have these conversations and I trust the person to give me their 100% honest feedback. And that's where it's like, I don't want to have a conversation just for them to be like, yes, sir, yes, ma'am, yes, you know, whatever. I want to have these conversations that they truly are invested in me.

SPEAKER_02 31:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

Because I don't want to feel like I'm wasting my time having the conversation.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

Well, and I do think too, like, especially just in adulthood, and we're just like we're in different stages of life, but still with our ages, like we're just like fully forked. Right. You know what I mean? Like high schoolers anymore, like in that awkward phase. We're not in college, like still trying to find ourselves. Like, we became friends when we were already established, forked already ourselves when we were already but and then we still had that connection of we didn't have to like morph into each other. We just truly appreciated each each other how we are.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

Yeah. And there's some great friendships that I still have that they saw me from the time that I was wearing a training bra to the time that I'm wearing a bra right now. Like, you know, like there's those relationships that you build as a younger self that you like form and you develop, and they're growing with you and they're going through these life changes with you. But then there's the other side of friendship where it's like you are an adult, you are a formed human that has formed hobbies and likes and interests and all of these things and dislikes. Right. And you just find those people, and both friendships offer great things, but it's like that second, the adult friendships that you have, it just they offer me something a little bit more different than my what I would consider like a childhood friend. I think so too. Yeah, it's and that's not a negative towards the childhood friend because a childhood friend offers different things, they offer history compared to an adult. So yeah, I think it's it's important to have all the different types of friendships just to like touch in that is it your spouse.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

Well, either thing too, like just beyond that, also just the relatability of like our husbands being farmers, it's just a niche that if you're not in it, you don't get it.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 33:13

And that's not a dick at anybody. Like, I hope everybody can get it. Like, because I I I do love it. But there are parts that are freaking hard, yeah, and lonely and exhausting. But also, like the farm life can be so beautiful and prideful and I don't know, just joyous. It's a life that not a lot of people live, and it's hard, but it's I mean, we keep doing it. Tyler grew up in it, and he still was like, I want to be a farmer. Right. Same with Cody. He grew up in it and saw the hard and still was like, I want to farm.

SPEAKER_00 33:45

Well, and it I mean, we could say that with any profession too.

SPEAKER_02 33:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

Like, we it resonate with farming as it, but you know, you could take NFL wipes.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

Yeah. For example, like they could be like being able to get together as friends and talk about that. Right. Be able to be like, you know, I didn't take planting sucks. You're like, yeah, it does, it freaking sucks. Quote. Or use the FU word instead of the censored version. Like I said, nothing against people that don't form, but it's just you talk to another friend that isn't married to a former, like, they can validate your feelings, but they can't relate to your feelings. Right. Of like, yes, I've been in those shoes, I'm with you, I'm in the trenches with you. It sucks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:28

Like, it's okay to feel the way that you're feeling. That's one of my like favorite things. I've been saying it to my mom. I'm like, you're allowed to have these feelings. She's like, I know she one time she I think she was annoyed with me when I said that, and she's like, I know you say it to me all the time. And I was just like, Well, it's okay to have the feelings that you're having.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

Yeah, I mean, we're just we're living, we're getting through uh yeah, yeah. We're getting through the busiest part of it.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

And on the on Holland Green, maybe the next busy station which is gonna be here in just a few short months. What hopefully we don't have to have a ton of irrigation, but you know we have it, we should use the technology where we can.

SPEAKER_02 35:20

Yeah, that is a really good way to put it. Like, there's a lot of people that do not have I mean run your faces away, you guys do not have a lot of irrigated stuff.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

So yeah, we need to be thankful that we are able to run it, that we're able to give it to our crops so they can prosper in and grow fully.

SPEAKER_00 35:36

Yep. I just like that what I just said out loud just brought me back to the episode that I was that we just released. So this is coming a few weeks later, obviously, but we were talking about scrunchy moms and oh all the all the labels, and it was just like one of the labels was you use technology, you use whatever is quickest. Like that's totally me, where I'm like, give me what works the best because I don't have enough time to do all of XYZ. And so it's like I should be thankful for these busy seasons because I know that it's not the same in every single place in America or even the world in general. There's a Bible verse. Yes, you found a really good one. Yeah, so we're trying again, we're trying to implement a Bible verse in some of our episodes, hopefully, all of our episodes at some point when we remember to do it. But um, the Bible verse that I wanted to bring up right now was 1 Corinthians 3, 7. And it's so neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God who makes things grow. And so one of the things so I'm gonna let Brady talk about the farming side of kind of what resonated with her because we had this conversation before.

SPEAKER_02 36:56

And but well, I just think it's I think that's the beauty of the Bible. Yeah. And just like all the different views that you can get from one verse. Right. Like it's just it's really nice to be with fellow believers and just have that open conversation and hear each other's thoughts. And so from that, it's a nice reminder as somebody who really loves to be like all in with the farm and helpful and running equipment and running people around. I am I've had to take a step back from that, but it doesn't mean that what I'm doing isn't valid. So I may not be like in the planter planting, or I may not be running the seed caddy around, but like raising the babies and taking care of the house. That's what my husband needs right now. And that's still getting the crop in. That's still that's still pushing our farm forward. And so that that's what it is to me. That's a good reminder for you. Yeah. Because the season was a little bit hard as far as I'm just holding I'm not being, I mean, that text I sent you, I just don't feel like I'm being helpful to Tyler.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

Right. And I think with the non-farming, like you kind of immediately went to the farming side of it. Because and this verse makes sense, but then I I kind of like took a step back and I looked at it like, okay, I could hustle, I could grind, I could stress all of these things, but ultimately it is in God's hands. So like I just need to take a step back, only focus on what is in my hands and let God figure out everything else, and I'm just gonna follow his path.

SPEAKER_02 38:18

So um and as type A people, that's hard. Yeah, yep. It's really hard to just turn it over and say, Okay, here you go, God. I'm letting you have it because I just trying to hang on to all that is so heavy.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

Well, you don't have to carry the pressure of the outcome today.

SPEAKER_02 38:36

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

Like just give in, yeah, let go, let God like, and that that I think that's the beauty of it. And um, yeah, so that was a really good one. I liked that Bible verse for sure.

SPEAKER_02 38:49

It has been fun to just like read one verse and then like debrief about it.

SPEAKER_00 38:53

Not do like a full devotion, but like a little mini devotion, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:58

Oh, okay. Well, I think that wraps this one up, but we will see you guys next week.

SPEAKER_00 39:02

See you next week.

SPEAKER_02 39:08

They say a farmer's work is never done. Well, neither is ours. Come back next week for a new episode of Light Between the Rows.