The Instant Gratification Trap: Why We Can’t Just Sit Still

 Ever feel like your to-do list is a hamster wheel? The kids always need you, dinner must be made again, and the dishes are never truly done. In this episode, we’re digging into why so many of us turn to side hustles—golf, gardens, farmstands, and crop trials—just to feel a sense of completion. We talk about the hunger for instant gratification in a world of endless, repetitive tasks, a major epiphany about why our partners work the way they do, and why "just sitting there" comes with a heavy dose of unearned guilt. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

That's something I really want to work on within myself is like rest is a requirement, not reward. Yes. 100%. So feeding yourself is a requirement, not a reward, Brady.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Yeah. So I don't know. It's just I think what do you think? So, Brady, I have a question for you. What's it like when the corn is high, but the chaos is higher? It's a lot of things, but it's never boring. This is the farm wife files. Life between the rows.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Hi. Welcome back.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

Yeah, we're back. So last week in our episode, we talked about the need to have side hustles and why we like to always be busy, busy, busy. So we're kind of gonna expand on that. Yeah. Um talk about your side hustles.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

All of them. Yes. My whole life is a side hustle. No, I'm kidding. I mean, yeah. Um, okay, so side hustle number one, the actual like legal business is um soak and slate. Yes. Do wedding and event planning there, and then mainly just a lot of rental items. So people will come to us and we will like either like full decorate for them where they're like, this is our vision, this is the Pinterest board, go forth and go conquer. Great, lovely, bring it to us. We're fine with that. Then we also have some people that are like, I specifically want this rental item or XYZ item, and then we just give it to them. So that's a large portion of that, but then we do some random other things like painted banners and balloon garland arches things. We did a a interior design for a two people, actually, too. So they reached out to us. They were like, I just need something different in this room.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

So that's fun. I didn't realize you did that.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Yeah, we did that. Other than that, side hustle number one. Side hustle number two obviously is this podcast.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Yeah, it's more of a yeah, this is more cup filling for me than it's more of a hobby than anything.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

Yeah. But it still takes time. It does. Gardening also takes time.

SPEAKER_03 2:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

I don't think I'll ever profit on the garden, but it's I profit from our family standpoint where I can like take the I profit from mental.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

Yes. Like it is so mentally good for me to like get my hands in dirt and watch something grow and I always like go tell people like if I am like logging off of work or something, I'm like, I'm gonna go touch grass. Oh, literally, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

I I just need to go touch the dirt, I need to go touch the grass, I need to do something because sitting at this computer is not it. Yeah. So those are the like main things in my life right now, but I also get on these weird kicks and I'm like obsessed with certain things for a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

I mean I do have to.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Like, but I'm like unhealthily obsessed. I hyperphyxiate.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

Well, I think everybody does to a point, but I'm gonna use books for example.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Like sometimes I'm just in a reading slump where I just don't want to read. Same. I don't, and like I'm in kind of one of those slumps right now, but I also can get into a not slump and I am just like read, read, read, read, read.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

Before kids, like if I got like I would be in a slump and then I would find a good book, read it in two days.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Just and then find another book similar to that and just do that. But I am the issue that I have is sometimes I take on too much in my life. That me too. It's because we don't like to tell people no. I know. We were just having that conversation before we even recorded this morning.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

But well, I have okay, so I have stay-at-home mom, two kids. That's like my full-time gig, more than full-time. Um, I like to do my crop trials. My husband doesn't, but I enjoy that. I opened a farm stand, have the podcast. I'm baking a crap ton for the farm stand. So I wanted to talk about all of our side hustles, but then when I was kind of like diving in, I'm like, why do we need to have these side hustles? Like, what we do, like our main things is like plenty. I mean, that keeps us busy enough. So why do we feel the need to have all these? What I have found why I lean so much towards the crop trials and I mean, even like yard work, landscaping, mowing, the farm stand. So when I was talking to my husband about it, you know, when he plants a field or when he harvests, like he has that almost instant gratification, that tangible, okay, I need to do this work, okay, the work is done. You can see it with your eyes. Whereas in my day-to-day, Branson always needs fed again. The dishes, I'll do them, and then guess what? There's more in two hours. A meal needs made three times a day, like it's just never, like it's never truly like ending. And yeah, I mean the farm, you know, it's very repetitive, but that's within a year, not within a day. Um, and I mean your job's kind of similar to that where you're sitting on a computer all day, like sending emails, like doing meetings, like it's just it's so quickly repetitive that it's like we don't get to see that like we don't have that instant gratification of like, oh, this is done, it's accomplished, I was productive. Because we're just constantly going into the next thing that needs to be done.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

I so one thing that I struggled with that, and I was talking to actually one of my bosses about that, and I was just like, I just need something to like fill my bucket each day.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

And so I'm starting to look at it as like, let me get my calendar out, let me make the to-do list of the priorities that need to be done today, and I highlight them, like, and that just makes me feel I mean, it's not it's a little tiny baby step to the bigger, you know, gratification of like harvest, for example. But that has helped me. Okay, but obviously that's at work, like I'm not making a to-do list every single day. Oh, I got laundry done, children. Oh yeah, so I mean, that's there's that, but yeah, I the farm when it comes to like the instant gratification with the farm, I get gratification because like I have still either helped specifically with those farm tasks or I have like supported my husband into getting those farm tasks done and completed.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

But there is that like see I struggle with that if I feel like I am not and with kids has been really hard because I've really I mean we've talked about this, just having to really take a step back from roles that maybe I didn't need to have but had on the farm and can't you know follow through with now because I just don't have the time or like I can't do it because I have the kids, and so feeling the need to like help out my husband, like and I actually told him this, I said, you know what? Talking to Tyler, I said, I think I have finally gotten to the point that I have figured out even if I worked a 40-hour week and made six figures a year, I still think he would work the same. Whereas I go into these like ventures as if I can make more money doing this, or if I can make some money off the farm stand or whatever the case may be, then maybe my husband would be able to rest a little bit more, but that's just not him.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

No, and he he enjoys doing it. It's not farm related, obviously, but I think honestly, all four of us, so like Tyler, Cody, you and I, we get into these cycles where like, yes, we could get to the point where we have that instant gratification of having something done or completed, but in our day-to-day life, with you being a stay-at-home mom, with me just surviving all those things, we could say the dishes are done, but we know 10 minutes later that dish is gonna be dirty again, right? And it's that constant cycle of just going through things. Yeah, it's sometimes the gratification that I need to say that I was successful in the day or it just to be productive is not necessarily finishing a project or doing something. It's like training my brain to say, like, I'm not necessarily stagnant, I'm not stopping, I'm just setting myself up for success to do something in the future, if that kind of makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

Well, and I'm really bad about looking at things that I enjoy as like a reward and that I need to do XYZ before I can reward myself. Yeah. Even if I don't get to lunch before I get the kids down, then like once I get the kids down for their nap, I'm like, okay, I need to do the dishes or I need to clean the kitchen before I can eat lunch. Like, why do I do that? Like, why do I look as eating or like having lunch as a reward for myself? Like, that's not healthy. That's not a reward for yourself, Brady. I know it I know that that's not healthy, but I'm just so very much mentally wired that way. Or what else do I do that I that's not necessarily like the reward, but that's how I feel like or like how we talked about you know just doing something like reading a book or gardening, like even at that, I don't look at that as like being productive in my day.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

No.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

I look at that as that's something that I get to do for me, like kind of that quote unquote reward.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

I that was I was talking to someone, I was texting them, and I said, I am putting my phone down. Do not respond to me until you know that I have gotten this, this, and this done. And I got like three of the six things done, and I'm like, I'm not doing the other ones because it's either too it was like moving stuff on the patio and um going out to the garden or something like that. And I was just like, it is a hundred degrees outside, I'm not doing that. But then I'm like, you know, I have finally got it two years ago. Me, I would have been like, nope, the patio is not done yet. I need to go out there, but I'm like, no, I'm not gonna go kill myself outside and sweat and just have to come back right inside and get back to work. I'm like, I I need to give myself a break, and I need to give myself that.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

I think it's coming with age.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

It is. Um, because I mean even caught myself, the dishes were in the sink a couple nights ago, and I went to bed with them in the sink. That's big. And even six months ago, that would not have flown with me. I mean, I'm just you know how anal I am about cleanliness and stuff. See, I think it's coming, but also I'm like truly on the day-to-day reminding myself that rest is not a reward. I'm allowed to take a break. I'm allowed, but then I tell Tyler all the time, he's like, just sit down, like this can wait, just sit down, and I'm like, nope, like I'll rest when I'm dead. Like I'll sleep when I'm dead, you know. But that's just I don't know, productivity to me just makes me feel so good about myself. And yes, I'm tired, and I'm like after these two weeks, man, I am like I'm exhausted. Like I'm nervous to leave the kids, but I am so looking forward to a break. But even, you know, like yesterday I could have taken a nap when I got the kids down, but instead I'm like going through um um air sealed bags with kids clothes so I can get those washed and get those put in drawers and like deep cleaning like dust on some of my bedroom items and stuff. And so I'm like, why am I doing this? Like this doesn't need done now, but again, just like resting.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

I don't know why that feels like such a I used to struggle. It it was resting specifically. I would get home from work when I was actually like in the office full time, and I would get home from work and I would sit and I'm like, this is an open evening. Like I should be doing something else, and I had that guilt in me. Yes, then it was like I had to literally there was a time where if I was gonna force myself to sit down and I was gonna watch TV or something, I would have to be doing something with my hands to keep my mind busy. Like and so I would do that.

SPEAKER_02 12:06

I used to crochet.

SPEAKER_01 12:07

Yeah, I used to crochet a lot because I think it just It was the hand movement, and then I would rip it all apart and just redo it. I never crocheted or knitted anything specific, but I would just sit there and I would just do it in watching it.

SPEAKER_02 12:18

Did you ever watch a show and then you're on your phone at the same time?

SPEAKER_01 12:21

That's really bad. That's why I can't watch movies.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Yeah, because I don't know why. Like it just feels like I'm not doing enough.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

Like, none of it's productive, but like My issue with my phone though is my whole life is on my phone. Like I am working on my phone, I'm getting emails, I'm getting text messages.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

Tyler will complain at me, oh yeah, what are you on your phone for? And I think he thinks I'm like scrolling TikTok or social media. And don't get me wrong, sometimes I am, right? But other times it's like I'm adding stuff to the grocery list, or I am getting stuff ordered for a party or uh the bachelorette party coming up, or I'm scheduling things out in the calendar and seeing how much time like like I'm not like it's important stuff that I'm doing the majority of the time. I'm not just like TikTok. Sitting here schooling.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Yeah, yeah. No, that's yes, 100%. And that's why I'm like, why do I feel that guilt of like just sitting and like doing nothing? Literally doing nothing. Like, and I know with you, like you still have kids, and so you still have to do it. But at 7 p.m. the kids are down to bed, 8 p.m., the kids are like sleeping. Here you are. But that's when I am like going to I have to go do the laundry, I have to do the dishes, I have to clean the house, I have to do all these things because I finally don't have to.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

It's the last, I don't know however many weeks. I'm normally good about prioritizing like my rest in the evening and I work my butt off during the day, but I've been so busy like baking and organizing for the garage sale and whatnot that I just have not had a chance to do anything around the house. So then when the kids get to bed at 8, then I'm like freaking crazy pants running around trying to get stuff done in the house. But even last night I had majority of the stuff done, and so I got on to work on podcast and I did that at like 8 30, and then I'm drawing up some different lines and stuff for some different crop trials I want to do, of course. And then it's like 10 30, and I'm still working on like just other episode ideas and whatnot, and I'm like, stop, I don't need to be doing this. I was like, what time did you call me last night? I don't know, and I'm like, put the laptop up, like it's fine, but I just can't, like, I'm just so I'm mentally ill. 10 07. Yeah, you called me last night, like and I still worked for like another hour and a half. Yeah, why do I do that to myself? And then I got up at six o'clock and worked out, but I couldn't have gone back to sleep because Branson was up and ready to party, so it's like I would rather be up and be productive rather than be up and lay in bed. So I don't know. I want to work on that. That's something I really want to work on within myself, is like rest is a requirement, not reward.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

Yes, 100%. So feeding yourself is a requirement, not a rewarding.

SPEAKER_02 14:59

Yeah. So I don't know. It's just I think what do you think? Do you think it's like an anxious feeling or like do you worry when you don't have like a lot going on? Because I know you're more apt to you schedule everything out months and months in advance. Like you will look for things to like fill your schedule. Whereas I will fill my schedule, like I'm fine with telling you I can't do this Sunday because I haven't had like family time, so we're having family time on Sunday. Like I allot that, I make that a priority. So with you, do you feel like do you get anxious, you think, when it's when you don't have a lot going on, or I I I think it's a twofold situation.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

I think I will always have something to do. And so sometimes when I try to fill my schedule, it's because I'm trying to run away from the things that I don't want to do. And so something it might be something on the to-do list, not necessarily an event, so say. I am like trying to find something else to do so I can keep running away from doing said thing on my to-do list because I just don't have the motivation to do it, or I know it's gonna be hard for me to do. And so Or it's okay if it's just something you're not looking forward to. Right. I very unhealthy that I used to do, um, haven't done it. We'll see if I do it again, but um is I would get bored and then I would just enroll into school and get another degree.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

Like you know, I actually have been wondering, like, I'm just waiting for the ball to drop for Addy to be like, yeah, I'm getting another master's or I'm in a doctorate program, like something, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

And like I've thrown it around to Cody. I'm like, if you keep pissing me off, yeah, I'll enroll. I'll I'll just do it and I'm not gonna tell you. Because I think two of my degrees well, one, I didn't one of them. Nobody knew about it. My mom didn't know, and Cody didn't know. I just graduated and I said, Oh yeah, I graduated today. Here you go. And they were like, excuse me, what the second one, my master, my most recent masters is I didn't tell Cody or my mom until I was like six months into the program. I was just like secretly doing it at night. And again, Cody's like so like, oh, she's on the computer, she's working. Right.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

Like she, you know, they're pretty oblivious. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

And he's never it asking, what are you doing so late at night? Like he just knew that I was working, and so there was always that.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

But thank God our husbands aren't at least I'm like, who are you texting on the phone? Who snapchatted you? And Tyler's just like on her phone. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

Who cares? He doesn't ask questions. No, Cody's not that way either. But I'm sometimes like I'll I know who texted him, or I know who I hear like the Facebook messenger thing, and I'm like, Oh, did your dad send you something on Facebook Marketplace again?

SPEAKER_02 17:52

Like Tyler and his dad talk like uh every night, and it's like the type sometimes vary, but it varies, but I always know. I'm like, grandpa's callin' or like even Talon will say now grandpa's calling. Yeah, even though it's my own. I'm like, you guys see each other every single day. Why do you need to call each other at night? Just to get a game plan for the next day. You couldn't do it at five o'clock. Like what? It doesn't make any sense, but whatever.

SPEAKER_01 18:17

Yeah. I that's me. It's like I when I get bored, I don't necessarily like find another thing to do anymore. But like just what last week or something, I texted you and Aaron, and I'm like, this is where I want to go on our next trip. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

And you you were like that's when I know that Addy is quote unquote not busy because or like not overwhelmed with busyness because she's like, I want to go on a trip. This is where we're going. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:48

And we're going. Like I'm down for it. And honestly, girls' trip, leave the husbands at home. Yeah. But it's it's those types of things where I'm like, I just need to find something or look forward to. Like, there's certain things in my schedule where I am looking forward to it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

But I do. I have to have that be like staying at home with the kids and like zero socialization during the week. And then everybody knows me as the hostess. But that's because I don't have that socialization during the week. So I look forward to that like evening or that weekend night that you know I have a little party or people are coming over for supper so that I can get the socialization that I need. Which Tyler gets annoyed. He's like, Why do we always have to have something going on every weekend? And it's like, you get to socialize with adult peers every single day. Like, I don't get that. Like, there are sometimes days where I don't interact with another adult besides you. Right. And sometimes he's so tapped out from the day that you know when he gets home, he doesn't want to have like intellectual conversations, and that's really tough on me because I've just spent the whole day like tending to children and having toddler conversations, and I want to have adult conversations and talk about like things in depth.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

I do think that my mind my mindset is kind of shifting from I need to stop thinking that I am useful or that I'm worth something based on the like yes, the amount of stuff that I'm doing, and that stillness is not necessarily a bad thing. Like sometimes we just need to sit there in silence and just decompress over the things that are happening.

SPEAKER_02 20:22

I'm bad about oh, they'll like me more if I can provide this to their life. I'm so bad about that. And I but like, where's the line? I want to be a helpful, kind person, but like I need to stop overdoing myself or overgiving of myself when it's not returned. Or when maybe it's not appreciated. Does that make sense? Yes. So, like, where's that line of being like a godly, kind person and not being walked on or used?

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Well, I think you can still be godly and kind, and as a person you can do that, but you can be that externally, you can be a godly kind person externally, but you also, in order for you to externally be able to do that, like outwardly facing it. Internally you feel that way. Right. And so, like, I think you have to take a step back and be like, okay, if I am going to be a godly kind person, what does that mean to the other person? Does that mean just saying yes, or does that mean providing tough love? Does that mean providing some sort of like, hey, I I'm not gonna do that right now because I I can't do it? So I I think you have to internalize that the first time. It's not like drawing the line. There is a drawing the line factor, so I don't want to like mitigate that whole thought process. But when it comes to saying I can be a godly kind person this way with this person, but a godly kind person with uh you know, person B, there is a difference, and sometimes it also depends on how that person is looking because like you might not know the struggles that people are that's true saying. So like I always lead with be a godly kind person. Externally, but it's really, really emotionally draining when you can't be a godly kind person to yourself. If you're not gonna give yourself the grace, why are you giving yourself all of your grace out to other people? And that's what I struggle with sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 22:14

I think just going off what you what you said, like we don't ever know what somebody's go like going through. Um, Renee, my mother-in-law shared with me this TikTok and is this pastor talking about um he went to another church and he just you know sat in like the first or second row or something and by this lady and she was just up like really worshiping the Lord and she told him she's like you better be ready to worship like we stand and we sing for an hour and like we praise Jesus here. And he's like, Oh, okay, you know, like yep. And so she was just like so joyous and so godly and like just worshiping the Lord, like with her singing and just praising him. And so after church, he went and talked to the pastor that was doing the sermon that day, and he's like, Oh my gosh, I you know, sat by this lady and she just is like on fire for the Lord. Like she is just just worshiping him, loving him. And the pastor was like, Yeah, did you know her um husband and son were killed in a shooting two years ago? He's like, Oh my gosh, no, like that's that's crazy. And he's like, Yeah, did you know she's battling stage four cancer right now? And he's like, What? And like still all these things, like you know, these horrible negative things that have happened in her life and that have impacted her, and she is still just like you know, on fire for the Lord, like still praising him in all things, and I just like that's just such a good mantra of we have no idea what people are going through, and like even ourselves, like when we hit a hard time or like a negative patch in our life, it's like he's all good, so yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

I think we're always gonna be going through something in our life, and there are people out there that are like super positive and super outgoing, but like I have to remind myself that sometimes it's like you could be super positive and like always great everything is great in the life, and but at the same time, like you also have to have a little bit of vulnerability to be like, Oh yeah, there not everything is perfect, and if everything was perfect, we wouldn't have sin, right? You know, like and so like also understanding that and putting ourselves in those other people's shoes because there's sometimes where I am like I am so overwhelmed with all of the things that I can do right now, but I know you specifically need this.

SPEAKER_02 24:40

But is that healthy? Because that's kind of what I was talking about earlier. Like, I need to learn to not overextend myself so I think I'm liked more. I want to I want to do things and help people out of the kindness of my heart, not because I think if I do this, then maybe I'll be more liked.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

You'll be looked at differently in more of a positive way.

SPEAKER_02 25:02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

I don't think I current Addy right now, I I don't do that. Like I am more doing it. I used to. I used to. That's why I say like current Addy, I'm like I am more like, okay, I want to be supportive and I want to be helpful.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

But am I going to ever overextend myself? Sure. I'm going to. Yeah, there'll be times. But I am really intentional with how. I mean, there's certain people in both of our lives right now and where I'm like, no, like I am, I'm not going to go out of my way to then change my schedule to go do this, even though I know that they would want me to, I'm not going to because I know that it wouldn't be reciprocated back. And it that's maybe kind of harsh to say because I don't want it to be like, well, I'm not going to do it because I know they want to do it for me. But at the same time, like I'm not that style bitten. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. And that's where it's like, if I'm going to trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

Well, and I think too, it goes back to um like this has gone on time and time again, and you're still so underappreciated. It's like, okay, obviously, like what I'm doing or what I feel like I'm doing for you in my life, like, is not a benefit to you. Like, so maybe this just isn't something that's that needs to continue, I guess. I don't know if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 26:21

It does. I think there's just so much that you can do in our it's even not even like a friend or a colleague or something, but like even our husbands, too. Oh, yeah. I have to track how much milk we have in the fridge. I can't even imagine. Do we have enough diapers? Do what do the kids need to pack for their lunch or whatever the obviously not Branson, but you know, like there's so many things that we are consistently tracking and doing every single day that we get to a point where we're like that's just normal activity, and it could be normal. Like if that's what someone has to make sure we have eggs in the fridge.

SPEAKER_02 26:58

Yeah. Well, and I'm trying to like look at it in a different person, like like the other side of it, because uh so I saw this TikTok and I don't know, it just kind of grabbed me the wrong way. And I really love her. Normally, like I really look forward to seeing her videos, but she was going on a like brand trip for two days, and it was it kind of started as help me get ready, get my help me get ready to leave. Or it basically like set stuff up for her husband for the kids so she could be gone. And then it like switched sides and it was like nothing because I didn't marry an effing loser. I think I did see this. Yeah, and it like I get it. The father of your children is an equals like an equal partner, but on the other hand, my role looks different. We don't send our kids to daycare every day, like I am they're with me every single day, like I run the household, this is my job. I don't look at it as like like yes, I'm their parent, but I don't like I look at staying home with them as my career, my job, kind of business-y actually. And so me leaving to me it'd be like you setting up meetings or setting up a schedule because you're gonna be gone on vacation for XYZ, but you have these projects set for your coworkers to get done. Right. That's kind of how I look at it, and also I think just being a godly spouse, like I am going to enjoy myself, to relax. Like, I want to ensure that my husband that I can do things so that my husband also has a good time, or that I could put him at ease. So, like, if I can make a meal on Wednesday and put it in the fridge, so all he has to do is put it in the oven on Thursday or Friday, like that did not take me a lot of time, and it's extremely helpful to him. So, I don't know, like I get both sides of it, and if I I could just leave and Tyler would run it, if I don't, you know, I don't know that he would do it exactly how I would, but again, that's control on me. I need to give up the control. But it's more of like I just want to be helpful to my spouse.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

I also think it comes down to you can obviously I don't have kids, right? So like there's a lot less prepping, but going back to the TikTok, like I didn't marry a loser. Yeah, I am making an assumption that when Cody and I do have kids, that if I would have to go somewhere, which I'm going to, right? Like with how busy I am, that I am expecting Cody to stop the farm to then go take care of our kids or kid. And although it that should be a priority, I also understand that the farm is the farm. And if I am going to expect Cody to stop his career and his for those X amount of days, let me make it as easy as possible for him. Just like he makes it as easy as possible for me with doing my part on the farm. Exactly. He knows now. I mean, we've did it talked about it in the men's tell all, but we have a system. You put the receipts in here. Do not make me hunt down receipts. Exactly. If you know exactly where they need to go. Yep. And so like he does those things to make my life easier to help him out. And so like I feel like I would then reciprocate that where it's like, okay, yeah, let me prep this breakfast casserole and this meal, and you can use it as leftovers for three days. Yes. You know, it will be fine. And so obviously it looks different with me. But like I'm gonna use my golf tournament, for example. I do not a ton of prepping, but like I make sure that all of the farm bills are paid ahead of time. I make sure that I'm packed. All of like if I need help with whatever before I leave, it's all done. Yeah, I just handle it. So I I go, yeah. I go back to the code.

SPEAKER_02 30:54

Well, and you know, we talked about we talk about a lot, like the farm always comes first, but I think our husbands know like the level of like prioritization or when things are super important, like we're going to get our nails done. Because if anybody can see on camera, these things are disgusting, they're so grown out. You can see like half my nail. And I'm spoiled. My husband spoils me. I get to go get my nails done. But we've been spraying and the rain has been crazy, so he has put me off like for a week and a half now that I could not go get my nails done. But turn around. I'm leaving for the batch party on Thursday. We're spraying die camba on beans, we're trying to, but there's so many. It's just nuts. Like, there's so much criteria with degrees and wind and all the things, um, which I get, like, there's some here either for it or not. Like, don't comment because I don't want to get into the Daikamba rant. Yeah. But anyway, you know, I know there's so many things as far as that that he wants to get done on the farm, but he knows, like, I'm leaving on Thursday, and you're not doing that. Like, I have it set up so that the kids will be taken care of Friday morning. So do what you want, take a break, do what you need on Friday morning. But anything else, like, he just knows it's not an option. Like, he's not even gonna bring it up to me. He's gonna plan otherwise. So I think that's also like thank you for yes, the farm comes first, but thank you for prioritizing and understanding this has been planned for six months in advance. This is important, I don't have a choice, like this is what I'm doing. So, yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

Yeah, I think I personally struggle with sometimes doing some of those things because I don't have a choice, or I do have a choice. Like, it's like I want. I'm using this example, and I don't now I'm like saying it out loud. I'm like, do I ha really have a choice? Like, I know I would have a choice. That was bad. I don't know what that was. I don't know if you guys would have been able to hear that or not. But anyway, um, like the golf tournament. I don't get paid for that. That's all volunteer. Yeah. And but it's something that I really, really enjoy, and it's something that I look forward to every single year. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:07

And I have built And you've said if you get to a point where it becomes what word did you use? Like it's not enjoyable for you. Right. Like it becomes more work than it's worth, then you would step back. You've made that clear.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

And like I know there's gonna be one day where I'm not gonna be able to be up there sun or Wednesday through Monday. Like I'm gonna have a kid at some point, and what does that look like? And for example, um, we were talking Cody and I were talking because it's just everything, where if we had a kid, Cody's 10-year class reunion is that same week as the golf tournament. Yeah, and so it's like he also has a tractor pool that he has to help with, maybe, out in Iowa. So it's like, I'm gone. I can't help. Like, and I can't go to your class reunion, and I can't go help at the tractor pool. Like you're not going to the class reunion? No, I have my golf tournament. Addie, I was looking forward to you being there. No, it's it's my golf tournament, and it's not even that big. I think they're just getting together at Thule's. I know, but still, you're my safe place. I know. Well, you can go to the golf tournament. But yeah, no, it's like they're having and also why are they having their class reunion then? But whatever. It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_02 34:21

Um I have nothing to do with it. Tyler's just told me little bits about it, but anyway.

SPEAKER_01 34:26

Yeah. So it's like Cody at that point, he has two conflicting things. I have one, and it's out of town. Granted, his tractor pool is also out of town, so it's like that's where you pick and choose. You have to. Yeah. So like it's just like.

SPEAKER_02 34:41

And at the end of the at the end of the day, the golf tournament is something that you have dedicated a decade of your life to. It is extremely important to you. And I think Cody as a spouse, he knows that. Oh, yeah. And as hard as it may be, it does come to a point of you do have to pick and choose. You do have to prioritize. Yeah. And that's what Tyler had to do this week. Like, the beans really need sprayed. So Brady didn't go get her nails done at all last week. I didn't take the kids. I worked, worked, worked on the farm. But this week, that's not an option. Brady is leaving on Thursday, like the car is leaving with or without her, so I have to make plans accordingly. Yeah. And you guys are gonna have the exact same things. It's just we're gonna have time. Yeah, there's there will be times where you either of you may not be happy about the situation. Yeah, but it will make it work, right?

SPEAKER_01 35:33

And that's that's kind of where I'm just like, it will be fine. Like I said, and I told Cody, I'm like, whatever decision you make, whether you go to the class reunion, you don't you don't go to the class reunion, you go to the tractor pool, you don't go to the tractor pool, it's gonna be what it's gonna be. And like it it will be fine. And so just enjoy yourself. So as it as long as you enjoy yourself one way or another, you'll be okay.

SPEAKER_02 35:54

Yeah, but yeah. We're getting kind of lengthy, but I wanted to share a verse, and I actually shared this Bible verse. I did a devotional for my real mom's group about it, but I'm gonna actually read a little story from the Bible, and this is this is out of Matthew, but it is the story of Jesus feeds the five thousand. And I know a lot of people have heard about the feeding part, but I kind of want to dive into something a little a little bit different. So, when Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick. As the evening approached, the disciples came to him and said, This is a remote place, and it's already getting late. Send the crowds away so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food. Jesus replied, They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat. We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish, they answered. Bring them here to me, he said, and he directed the people to sit on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children. So I think obviously, like I said, this has been it's I mean, I don't know about a popular verse, but people hear about, you know, the multiplication of what small numbers of stuff he had. That's been talked about. But the fact that they say they sat and ate, and you know, his disciples were there doing important things, doing work, people were busy, and Jesus still wanted them to rest. There was still things to do, things weren't done, but he asked them to rest instead. So I think going about our day-to-day and just talking about how you know we look as rest as a reward, like maybe we can better ourselves if instead of looking at it as a reward, we rest ourselves so that we can keep going, so that we don't get to the end of like complete burnout and don't look forward to those things anymore. So I don't know, that's just a mantra for me that I really need to work on is what I said earlier. Rest is a requirement, not a reward.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

Yeah. I as you were reading and more in your devotional standpoint of like I had to look down at my shirt and it says progress, not perfection. Yes, like I'm making progress, I'm not gonna be perfect, and I know I'm not gonna be perfect, but making progress to just sit and rest in that context. Like if we strive to be perfect all the time, you're gonna burn yourself out, and there is no perfectness in this world, really.

SPEAKER_02 38:54

Yeah, and maybe you know we can be like, you know, right now we're just in a season of like chaos and things that we cannot control that are completely out of our hands. Like maybe reading this, this is God asking us to stop and rest, and then he'll multiply things or he'll better things, you know, with you know, in that time of rest. I don't know. Regardless, I think all seasons of life, he's asking us to trust in him and his path for us, and so we need to remember to do that. That, you know, and that's something I'm telling myself as this weekend approaches that I can't control everything. My children are safe, I'm allowed to rest. Outside of having two kids, I am a 26-year-old woman who is also living life. I'm allowed to go, I'm allowed to leave them, they are safe. Yeah, so that's what I'm gonna work on this week. I'll let you know next week how it went. I'm excited for you. Alright, we'll see you next time. See you next week. Come back next week for a new episode of Like Between the Rows.