The Passing of the Torch (And All the Burnout in Between)

Generational transition on the farm is beautiful, but man, it is hard. This week, we're talking about how our roles have evolved from the early days of dating to becoming wives. We used to wonder if we had a say just because we wore the ring, but now we realize our voice matters because we are protecting our children's future legacy. We also get vulnerable about the heavy season our husbands are in—balancing the weight of being overwhelmed with the reality that their parents are trying to give them the responsibility needed to take over.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

But then as Tyler and I got married, have kids, like, I'm raising the next generation for this farm. These are my children that are going, hopefully, to take over it. I want them to be set up for success. So I should get a say.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Yeah. So, Brady, I have a question for you. What's it like when the corn is high but the chaos is higher?

SPEAKER_01 0:20

It's a lot of things, but it's never boring. This is the farm why files life between the rows. And we're back. Yay for another episode. I just love this, Addie. I could literally sit down here for days and just chit-chat about the randomest things. I know, and it honestly, so I feel so much better every I'm sorry I interrupted you. But I literally just feel so much better every time we sit down here and just chit-chat.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

I just feel like my bucket is filled when I can actually just like At first I was so nervous of like, are we talking about the right things? And Me too. Or like, what should we talk about? And I was so worried about like what other people would want to hear. But it honestly, if you don't like hearing it, like please do tell us. Like we do want to know, but at the it's just so refreshing just to be able to just sit down here and just do the thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Well, I think when we first started, it was like, okay, what viewers do we want? Instead of how do we want this podcast to feel and who do we want to draw in? It was like we felt, and this is our type A personality, like we want we felt like, how should we align our podcast so that we can provide to a certain like viewer or listener? Right. Whereas now we've leaned into we just want to talk about our lives and our opinions and the values and views that we have. And whoever enjoys that or wants to listen, like, hi, how's your day?

SPEAKER_00 1:48

And I'm such a data person, it is kind of fun to like look at the data like week after week because we have been increasing like viewership like week after week, and then the locations are also oh, you need to look at the locations, they're pretty cool. I think last time I looked, which was like two weeks ago. I think we were in 21 different countries that someone has listened to us. That's so crazy. It's so crazy.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

I honestly wonder how we're being found.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

I don't care. I mean, I do care. I do care, but like it is just kind of fun to do it. But also, side note, so before as Brady's looking this up, right be uh we finished recording a different episode, which is like Brady's like get to know you episode, and my brother called me in the middle of this episode. So I was just like, Well, that's kind of weird. Like, my brother never calls me. So I declined the phone call and I call him back right after, and I he was just like, I just wanted to say hi. Okay, hi.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

What else do you need? This is weird. Which also is so nice that he just like wanted to call and say hi.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

Right. So then I said, I'm recording for the podcast, and so he was just like, Oh, let me on. So we let him record for like 30 seconds and it's probably going nowhere. But he did just text me his so when he recor when he called in, it was all about Iowa and Nebraska corn and how Iowa was better and whatever. Anywho, he just sent me a link to his um Iowa versus Nebraska. And if you can see on the camera, oh no, you probably can't. But it is a full, like he typed this? He uh apparently knew. I don't know, but it literally all of his notes about Iowa Nebraska corn.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Oh, okay. So that's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Whatever. That's my brother for you. Anyhow.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

So I did find our city. So our top city is Omaha, Nebraska. Woop whoop. Then it is Kansas City, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Lincoln, Nebraska, Marysville, Kansas, West Des Moines, Iowa, Columbus, Ohio, LaPorte City, Iowa, Ashburn, Virginia, Clyde, Kansas. Whoop whoop. Coldwater, Ohio, Chicago, Illinois, Wichita, Kansas, Garretson, South Dakota. South Dakota? Did I kind of sound like Indianapolis, Indiana, Hastings, Nebraska, Diller, Nebraska, Cool, Coal City, Indiana. It's just like randomness. Yeah. Michigan, Kentucky.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Anyways. I was completely wrong. 49 different countries. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Yeah, I saw that too. Vietnam. Yeah. What? Singapore? Canada's our number two listener.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

And we want to Australia is number three. Yeah, wild. Crazy. Anyway, we just love hearing all the feedback that some people. I want more feedback than that. I know. I'm always a feedback person, but the feedback that I do receive, it's just nice and refreshing. Like some of the feedback that I have been. I actually oh, it was fun.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

I don't know what happened. Oh, this is fun. This is my side note though. As somebody who listens to a lot of podcasts, I can say I don't ever give feedback on any of the podcasts I listen to. So I get it.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

So actually, just there was a few episodes, but I received a I'm gonna so grandpa, you're if you're listening to this, I'm texting and reading this, but he texted me some feedback. He was just like, Addie, I recently watched one of your podcasts where you both where both of you professed your faith publicly. I'm so proud of you for that. Just maybe God leads someone to tune into that episode who needed to hear that and to change their life. I wish you the best of or I wish you both the best in your journey. Grandpa I know. I know and so I was just like, oh, I can't do this right now. And so I read it and then I put it down and then I was finishing up something, and then I like texted back and I was just like, this is the feedback that I needed to hear. So thank you, grandpa. I know you are listening and probably watching on your couch right now.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

Um that's my why. Yeah. When so we've been doing a couple's Bible study with some friends for a hot minute, and one thing I really struggled with uh when we were kind of going through a book, and there was a verse about um like salt and light and whatnot, and I was really struggling with feeling like I did not portray my faith, like I didn't speak the word out and like really try to like lead other people to Jesus. So that's been like my mission, and I'm really proud of myself and uh you and I for like just really taking our platform however small it may be, and I don't know, speaking the word of God.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Yeah, well it looking at our numbers, I could care less if we get two downloads a week. Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

We're there's a hundred, like yeah, and they're going up, and I'm so like whether that's what we're talking about or just the um like people are just seeing us or we're popping up on stuff. I don't know. The algorithm, we're on the algorithm, I don't know. Yeah, but yeah, it's a good feeling. I like it.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

I like it a lot. Anyway, so that was a completely side topic. Yeah, sorry. Um today we wanted to talk about so the episode title, which it's probably not gonna be the same episode title, and maybe it will, but it's called The Kitchen Table Boardroom, where marriage ends and business begins. I don't even know where to start on this one. Let's start with what so in the last episode I asked you about like how do you talk about like business to Where's business talk to like actually being husband and wife talk?

SPEAKER_01 7:27

That's just hard with the farm. Like obviously you can relate with that. I feel like and I hate to speak, I really hate to give my opinion on things that I've never lived or like I don't have a lot of because I don't ever want to sound ignorant. But I feel like maybe when people are working like Well, you know, okay. Do you feel like you can separate like when you're talking to Cody, you're not like necessarily talking about your whole work life? Do you feel like you separate that well?

SPEAKER_00 7:54

I can separate my full-time job 100%. See, I just feel like that's hard with the farm because it's so a part of our livelihood. So I think with Cody and I, when we talk farm, Cody knows my role with the farm, I know Cody's role, and I know that you aren't the same. But there are some times where a situation actually just came up where we went back to the FSA and were like, we need we picked up some lee ground just here recently. And so we need more money, we need more money, give us more money, and so and I say that laughing because same girl, we've been there. Yeah, and so like we already had all of our money set aside and our line of credit and all of that stuff, and we felt good, and then this land just popped into our lap, and we were like, okay, great, which is great, but yep, you like figure out expenses, right? And so, like, although yes, I am in charge of all of the bookwork and I know all of the expensive expenses that go in, I am also still learning and slash or don't understand the decisions that Cody is making because when I'm like, okay, we have X amount of money in the farm account, is that going to be enough until we get XYZ check-in? Or if we get XYZ, we have to pay XYZ or whatever the case is. Yep. And Cody's always like, Well, yeah, because I have X amount of money still in line of credit that I can pull, or yes, because we have this. Cody understands that role of the farm a lot better than I do. Like, yeah, I am more of like a uh in the farming world, I am more of a reaction versus a pro action. I see that. And so Cody, I know I can look at Cody and we can have a conversation, but I slow Cody down in his mind. You are more realistic, you are like Tyler. Yes. Cody, if I need him to be like, if if I need him to give me an answer and he's like, I don't have it, I need to sit down and figure it out. I know that I need to remove myself from him because I'm just gonna be asking questions, what's this number, what's this number, what's this number? And he's just like, just let me figure it out and I will tell you and then I will explain it. Yes. So like I have learned that with Cody, where I'm like, Okay, we understand each other's roles, but I can also under and we respect each other's roles, but sometimes they clash together.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

But it still all works out in the grand scheme of things.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

Well, and I think too, um, and this is just like a kind of a side note, but we're like very new at living life. Yeah. Married life. Like in the grand scheme of things, like we've only been married five years, you guys through almost five.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Yeah. You've been married almost five. It will be five and oh my gosh, I've been married I'm almost six. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

That's why I was Yeah. Okay, wow, yeah. Forgot about that. Okay, so it's not like a short amount of time, but like, you know, my in-laws have been married for 30 years. My parents have been married for 27 years. Right. So we're still learning to like figure each other out and our roles in marriage and so like I don't know, there's also that factor. But then also the guys are still new at farming.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

I that's what I am struggling with with Cody. I know with the new into farming and that stuff, some of our discussions that we've had on the farm is we struggle with well, we've always just done it this way.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

And it's like, okay, I understand we've always done it this way, but now there's technology that can help us. Yep. And for example, I can't remember where we were. I think it was actually down at Lake of the Ozarks when we were with you guys last year, and we were filling up our water tank for our cows because I could see it on our security camera. I set up our security camera that I could see the water tank, but I also have the app that can control our water and fill up the water tank.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

And it's like innovative girl.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

I know, and I'm like, this is where you use technology for helpful. Yeah, I can't go get a cow stuck out, like, right.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

But like the things you can work smarter, not harder. Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

And like I know there's still people around that we could call if we did see an issue or we know of an issue, but at the same time, I'm like, we don't always have to continue doing things the way it's always been done because we have technology, and that's that's another role. Cody does not want to do anything with technology, he leaves that to me, he leaves the the auto payments to me, he leaves all of that stuff to me.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

I mean, even aside from technology, think about just information, data, science we have now. Like I know Tyler, so he's he sells spray tech, and um we're still looking for sponsors, by the way. Tyler or Trevan. So anyway, yeah, it's just it's a replacement adjuvant for AMS, or it's supposed to be, but there's some customers he has and they don't want to use it without AMS. And so he was just not really frustrated, he's kind of just telling me about it, and I'm like, Tyler, think about it. These guys have been doing this for 20 plus years. This is just the way everybody has done it. Like, so they're gonna continue, like, let them see how the product works, let it let the product prove it prove itself, and I'm sure people will step away from it just like you did. But I mean it's the same stuff, it's like you know, technology's information, like we're just it continues to advance even in our day-to-day, and then the farm world, and that's not gonna stop. I kind of feel like it's one of those things like sink or swim, like either get with the program or you're gonna be left behind. So that sounds horrible. I mean, we have some old older time farmers.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

Yeah, no, I don't necessarily think it sounds horrible. One thing that I've always like internalized and I thought about was the understanding of I didn't grow up on the farm, like you had some sort of farm experience. Yeah, like not a ton where I had more of a learning curve. Like I again, grandpa helped out on the farm, grandma and grandpa lived on the farm. Like, I I wasn't dumb when it came to farming, but there was a more of a learning curve for me. Yeah. And so now coming into a farming family, I'm like, why do we do it this way? Like I just look at it and I like I I never really did speak up because I'm like, they know best. Like they're the ones that have been doing it all this time. But then I like I do ask those questions. I'm like, why are you doing it this way? This makes no sense. Why don't you do this and then this? And then Cody's like, well, we've just always done it this way. And I'm like, well, we're not gonna do it this way, we're gonna do it the other way.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

Or and I will say something I felt really, really early on in Tyler and I's relationship was I am the in-law. Yeah. Like I need to be silent. This is his family's operation. I shouldn't have any part of it. Like, I'm not a part, like, I'm not part of it. Point blank. But then as Tyler and I got married, have kids, like, I'm raising the next generation for this farm. These are my children that are going, hopefully, to take over it. I want them to be set up for success. So I should get a say.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

Yeah. I just struggle with it all sometimes. Yeah, it especially being the in-law. It would be completely different if like Cody was coming into my family and my family was the one that had generation.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

I really want to have a guest on the podcast with that. Which, you know, just that different help me.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

A someone else coming in as a or a different viewpoint.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

Thank you. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

Okay, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

Yeah, than us, because you we do share that in common of just being the in-law and marrying into the farm.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Right. So as being the in-law, plus also being the woman, like you talked about how you really are gonna lead biblically in your marriage and all of this type of stuff.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Or Tyler will lead bib biblically.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

Yeah, like he will be he will lead and you will follow and all of this stuff. But we also talked on a previous episode how I was laughing in the corner of the couch, and you and Tyler were kind of bickering back and forth about like needing to. Having an argument, yeah. It was literally a one-hour difference, and it was like, I'm just I'm not helping the situation, but like But you were on my side, of course, Tyler.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Even if I was on Tyler's side, even if I was wrong, Addia is gonna be with me to the ends of the earth. She's right. But okay, also some like empty room. Brady, you were wrong in that. I know, like you will tell me, but never in public would you tell me that.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

No, I I would. And that's it. It is so toxic.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

Anyway, okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Well, and I think it would be different if it like of course, if it's Tyler. Like, if you know Tyler and I's relationship, we go at each other's throats all the time.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

Auddy would never ever make me be the one wrong. In front of Tyler. Yeah, in front of Tyler.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

It's just so funny. Anyway, with you having kids, so one of the talking points is like whose time is more valuable? And like, you guys have such different roles on the farm.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Yeah, I think this is a big struggle for farm families with the same dynamic as Tyler and I. Because, and I have said this in I've probably said this a million times through recording these podcasts. The farm does come first, it always comes first. But we hit that like right now, we're not I wouldn't say we're in a busy season. We have been so blessed with rain, we're not running pivots. Yes, there's things to do, but this is the point where it's like, okay, when can the farm maybe take a back seat because I have things going on or the household has things going on that could be prioritized. I am in full like agreement and understanding that when we are planting, harvesting, irrigation needs to go, things that make the crops come out of the ground, that it's a non-negotiable the farm comes first. But this is Tyler and I's struggle of okay, well, if you're not in quote unquote busy season, why don't you get to give? Why am I always the one through the years, through the year or the seasons, having to give or having to be flexible, I guess. I don't know your thoughts on that, because obviously your guys' dynamic does look a little bit different, but it's still I just feel like the farm is always ours is just so Cody and that yes, the farm is always gonna come first. And I don't want that to come off as like a negative negative.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

No, it's not. It's like that's just the reality of our life, and it is what it is. Um there's pros and cons to that, and I get to live the life that I get to live because of the farm. Oh, same. You know, like and so there is that I think Cody and Ice Dynamic is a little bit different. Like you just talk about the crops. That's great. Yeah, when it's not crop season, it's calving season for us. Or haying season. Yeah, like you know, so like yeah, there's planting, great, and then there's irrigation, but irrigation also lines up with haying season most of the time, and after haying season, it goes into practically harvest. After harvest, then it goes straight into maybe about a month of just quiet, like let's get things prepped, but it's freezing cold outside, and then it's straight into calving, and then after calving, it's straight into planting straight.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Probably you guys, I that's I just yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

I mean, I could never do like fall calving, I would lose my mind if that was the case. That would be crazy, yeah. But I I value Cody's time and his energy and all of that stuff when it comes to the farm, and I respect it, and I know that I will always have to respect it, but there is that level of like when can we be wife and husband over the farm? And also farming, I am so bad at this where Cody and I might want to go do something, or I might want to go do something, and I'm bringing Cody with me. And then he's like, Well, I can't because of XYZ, and I'm like, I'm really bad about just saying, Well, why can't your dad just handle it? Yeah, like why do we have to put our life on the back burner and not create memories?

SPEAKER_01 20:14

And I know I would really love to have my in-laws as far as my um mother-in-law and my grandmother-in-law on the podcast sometime to share their viewpoint. But I'm sure my mother-in-law had the exact same thoughts as you know, when they were kind of in transition and you know, Matt was farming so much and taking over stuff, and you know, maybe Renee was like, Why isn't why can't Robert step in so we can go do XYZ? I am sure every generation has felt this way, but that's hard not to. You know, we especially since we didn't meet our husbands when they were 30 and basically through transition. And sometimes people don't start transitioning their farms until that age. Right. I mean, we met our husbands when they were like not even really I guess I mean Cody was still pretty He was 18. Yeah, but he was Tyler stepped away from the farm because he was so far away in school. So I got to see that side of Tyler where he it was not farmer Tyler. Yeah, you know, he was could do whatever he wanted, had so much time on his hands, we could literally do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. Yeah, and then he came back to Lincoln and he helped in busy season because he was an hour away, so that was easier. So we kind of slowly transitioned into him being like farmer Tyler, but that was still kind of hard because it's like well, you used to, like your dad used to do this and this, and we could go do this, like, why can't we still do that? I never got that lucky.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

No, right, yeah. Which I I think is a blessing and a curse. Like you looking back on it, like you know, when you're freshly dating someone, like if you didn't really like it, you could have just said no. Right. Like, you know, but like Cody and I really leaning into each other and being like, okay, this is the real. Reality and this is what's gonna happen. I think that has helped. Yeah, I don't know. I think it would have scared me away had I met Tyler when he was I don't know how if he was like this. Right. Like I really don't know how I got through it. Um I I I really don't. I look back on it right now, I'm like, why did I stay with you? That sounds horrible to say out loud. Yeah, but like it's just like okay, yep, nope, this is the reality. And I I always bit my tongue and I didn't say the things that I really wanted to say, and finally got enough like confidence where I'm like, why are you doing this? Like the no, your dad can do it, or no, or like his sisters are well, one sister is wanting to get into far the farm a little bit more, and I'm like, no, make her do it. Like she has to learn somehow. Like that's true. I mean and you know, so and I'm sure that's what his dad thought. Nope, Cody needs to figure it out because he's gonna have to own it. Like he's gonna be the one to do it.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

So yeah, I it the whose time more is more valuable is just uh it's a tricky I really liked what you said for like listeners that are in our exact same pos positions and thinking the same things as us. I'll never forget when Matt I mean, I think you even knew when Matt left during a harvest when was that two years, three years ago? Three years ago, I think so.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

Was it last year?

SPEAKER_01 23:23

No, it wasn't last year.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

He went on that hunting trip.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

Yeah, but when he first did, like he the first time he left during a harvest. Oh, that I think three years ago.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

Three years ago, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

And all of us were like Are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_00 23:34

What's going on?

SPEAKER_01 23:36

Like we're too young for babies. Well, and on and the other side of it, like, must be nice. Like, you're seriously just gonna pick up and leave, and we've got all this work to do. And I'm sure Tyler thought that too. Yeah, yeah. But I love what you said, like Matt knew, like he is gonna at some point Tyler's gonna have to figure it out. Yeah. And Matt is definitely that person of like throwing him in the deep end and letting him figure out how to swim. Yeah. But yeah, that he just decided to leave and it went fine. It was great, grand, wonderful. But that was kind of a shock. Yeah. But yeah, you that's just a really good way to say it.

SPEAKER_00 24:12

Like, they have to learn at some point, like and of course, like when you are the one that's learning, it sucks. Yeah, absolutely sucks. And you don't learn until you're put in those situations. You can prep as much as you want, you can prep the chemicals, you can prep the uh the equipment, you can prep everything that you want to, but there's so you just have to do it. Yeah, there's always gonna be that one thing that's just not gonna go to plan, and that's what I sometimes struggle with.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

So what um oh man, I had a thought and it just left me. Do you feel like do you have a point when like the resentment kicks in for you? Yeah. What is that for you?

SPEAKER_00 25:00

I don't know if there's like a specific point. Okay, but if I'm looking at trends of like when Cody and I start to have this conversation, it's when I and I don't mean this in ill in any ill-intent way that if I know anyone I know that you can be frustrated and still love your husband and the farm at the same time. It's when I see his dad, so like my father-in-law, go out and go do the things that he wants to do, and my husband is left staying in the field until two o'clock in the morning, and I don't get to see him. Right. And then when I want to go do something with my m with my husband, it's I'm gonna let Cody hear all of these negative things about why he shouldn't go on this trip or he shouldn't go do this. Or it's you you can I know you can relate with this, is the second we leave, the second his phone is blowing up with every single update on the farm. I was actually just talking about it. Yes, I was just talking to my sister-in-law about it yesterday. I was just like, I really struggle with like wanting to go on these vacations, but Cody being on his phone all all the time. And I've said it with you when we have gone on vacations as a group. It's like, Cody, no, stop. Don't look at your phone, especially when we went to Kentucky two years ago.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

I literally make Tyler turn his note or his sign his sound off. Yeah, like it's triggering. Yes, I literally am triggered when I hear that stupid ringtone go off.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

Yeah, and then and I will hear like a text message come through and I'm like, what did your dad say? Or a Facebook like messenger. I'm like, who just sent you something on Facebook Marketplace? Like it's like I know these things and it it sucks.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

I have a really good comment to add for any, if any like parents are listening, just for like our viewpoint. I think, you know, I can relate it to Tyler's parents if they hear our frustration, maybe they're thinking, like, this is my son, he needs to learn these things, he needs to be in the nitty-gritty because if he's gonna do it for the rest of his life, like he has to be without us to figure it out and to do it. But they also need to remember that our husbands are not our sons, we don't have that same thought for them, like our we see the frustration and the tiredness and the I don't have the right words. Obviously, like the feelings are just different as far as like the once we have for the same person, yeah, you know, being in two different, completely different roles.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

And I don't I don't know if you can say like agree to this or not, but like I'm thinking, I'm putting my corporate girly hat on where I'm like, I don't want to call my boss until I absolutely need to call my boss, right? I just want to figure it out, right? So, like the idea of needing to report every single little thing is like, no, just figure it out. Like, you can tell me at the end of this, like, let me have my time off, let me like literally decompress because it is not healthy for someone to always be active in their mind all the time. Like, you do need that time to just disconnect, and how you disconnect, it can be travel, it could be reading a book, it could be taking a nap for all I care, but like you do need that disconnect, and so like I struggle with that. I'm like, I understand maybe from that view if the parent was like that.

SPEAKER_01 28:25

Well, and I mean more of like you know, if we do have parents of sons that are farming and the wives are frustrated, like they also have to remember that they're our husbands, like we are their safe place, like we hear their frustrations, we hear their anxieties, and we want the best for them. Right. Which, not that a parent doesn't want that, but it's just a different It is a different relationship there in a way. So I guess what I'm trying to get across is like I don't know what I'm I don't know. I can't find the right words to explain this how I want to explain this. It's tough. I mean, it is. Yeah. But just I guess I don't want in-laws or parents of sons farming that to think that their daughter-in-laws are always like complaining or they're never happy, or we don't like the way that they're doing things when it's not necessarily that, it's just we have the best interest for our husbands. Yeah. Do you or we're trying to.

SPEAKER_00 29:20

Do you feel like when the pressure gets high in farming?

SPEAKER_01 29:25

Okay, like busy season? Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

Like you talked about how the like we are their safe place, and like typically they might be voicing their frustrations about like, oh, so and so did this on the farmers, so this is c happening, and so like, yes, we are their safe place, but do you ever feel like there's also like stress directed towards you when you aren't the sole person of the stress? So like something wrong happens on the farm, but you're gonna get the brunt end of all of the stress because you are their sole person.

SPEAKER_01 29:57

Oh, Tyler's very bad about that, yeah. Even if it's something with and I'm gonna say this because I know that Matt knows that Tyler doesn't hasn't, you know, that Tyler has been mad at him at some point in time. Um but yeah, there's been plenty of times where Tyler doesn't agree with something, and so he comes to me and takes it out on me. Where I'm like, I have nothing to do with this, and you know that, but you don't you don't wanna go and change the situation or let out your opinion or your view on this because you don't like conflict, so instead I'm the one that has to deal with it. And we've had that conversation because that's not fair.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

I think there's a very, very strong difference of acknowledging the stress that your partner carries isn't necessarily about you. It's the sh and the stress that you carry isn't always about them, and like knowing that difference, but also having an open and honest and healthy relationship between the two of you, like by husband and wife, of like realizing, like, okay, I am their safe place, and this is why they're taking the stress out on me. Yes, but like I need to acknowledge your feelings and I need to acknowledge what you're saying, whether I agree with them or not. Like your feelings are still valid, but don't just come to me to offload all the stress and not be able to go take out.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

Well, and I've had the conversation of like, I get I'm your safe place, and I get that you have emotions and frustrations, so I want to be that place for you to be able to rant and let those out, and I'm good with that. But there has been certain topics that Tyler like clings to and he's so frustrated about that I have had to I've heard about it so much I've literally had to say, Okay, enough is enough. Because you refuse to say anything to make a difference, so we cannot keep having the same conversation when you are not gonna implement any change. So I hate that because I know that he's still gonna it's still gonna spin in his mind, but like for my mental health and our marriage, like we because it'll turn into an argument. I want to help you, I want to fix this for you, but there's nothing I can do, right? So I cannot just keep listening to you go round and round about it and with and nothing's gonna happen. Right. Because it would just make me crazy, yeah. So as harsh as that sounds, that has kind of been a boundary we've had to set.

SPEAKER_00 32:19

Yeah, no. One last thing that I and then we'll wrap it up with a devotion or whatever, but do you ever feel like there will ever be a time where you're sh as farm wife, husband, whatever, you're shifting the mindset from like I'm helping my husband farm to we are farming and we are both co, we are co-CEOs, we are co-owners of our farm versus like I'm just a support person to my husband. I look at it as like I would want us to look at it as co-people versus and I say that because the farm cannot run if I wasn't doing the behind the scenes. If he didn't have clothes to wear, who would still do it? But I understand that the farm is still a farm. Washing clothes don't make us money, the farm makes us money, and so like I see what you're saying, yes.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

I don't know. Can I think on that?

SPEAKER_00 33:09

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 33:10

We'll we can we'll talk about that later. I need now I want to think about that.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

Yeah, process it.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

Okay, we will get into quick devotional really quickly. I have it here on my notes. We are going to talk about Philippians 2, 3, and that is do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, values others above value others above yourselves. And that's marriage, man. Yeah. Some days that's really hard to admit, but yeah, marriage is just continuously serving your spouse and putting them before yourself.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

And not only just our spouse, but like others too. Yeah. Like everybody. Yeah. Like I I don't I never want to be the center of attention, and that's just me personally too. So like sometimes that comes really easy, and then sometimes I have spite. Yeah. And it's it's not so easy. So I get it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

Well, that's a short one because we're kind of running over time here. So we will see you guys next week. Thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

Thanks, guys.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

They say a farmer's work is never done. Well, neither is ours. Come back next week for a new episode of Like Between the Rows.