She Planned Parties for Beyoncé & Prince… Then Her Body Forced Her to Wake Up | Amanda Baudier Ep 33

In this episode of Conscious Conversations, Lana sits down with Amanda Baudier, an integrated spiritual teacher, entrepreneur mentor, and former managing partner at Tao Group, to explore the journey from New York nightlife, celebrity access, and high-achievement burnout into spiritual integration, embodiment, and purpose.

Amanda shares how she went from a working-class childhood in Maryland to Columbia University, then into the center of New York nightlife — planning parties for names like Beyoncé, Prince, and Leonardo DiCaprio. From the outside, it looked like the dream life: Tao, Lavo, Marquee, Beauty & Essex, celebrities, private planes, and access. But underneath the glamour was overwork, clout addiction, and a deeper question of worth, belonging, and identity.

At 28, Amanda’s body forced her to stop when a routine checkup revealed a severe, life-threatening heart arrhythmia that required an ablation. What she later understood as not just a physical injury, but a “soul injury,” became the beginning of her deeper healing path — one that led her into Reiki, yoga, meditation, somatic work, shamanic practice, and ultimately her work helping others integrate spirituality into real life.

Together, Lana and Amanda talk about the shadow side of success, the cost of chasing access and status, why the glitter isnt always gold, what it means to live a “double life” between ambition and spirituality, and why becoming who you really are does not always follow a clean, linear path.

This conversation is for anyone who has ever built a life that looked good from the outside, but started to feel misaligned on the inside.

Topics covered

New York nightlife, Tao Group, celebrity culture, burnout, heart surgery, spiritual awakening, soul loss, nervous system healing, somatic work, ambition, purpose, reinvention, late blooming, integration, and becoming.

Follow Amanda Baudier:
Instagram: [https://www.instagram.com/amandabaudier/]
Website: [https://www.amandabaudier.com/]

Follow Lana Rose / Conscious Concierge:
Instagram: [https://www.instagram.com/yourconsciousconcierge/]
Website: [http://www.yourconsciousconcierge.com]

If this conversation resonates, please like, comment, and subscribe to support more conversations around the many pathways of healing, wellness, and spirituality.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:11

I'm so excited to have you. So excited to be here. This is gonna be fun. I know. I was just like, we met and I was like, the energy just like it it's great. And I love nothing more than interviewing a New Yorker who's gone conscious. We can talk fast, right? We lived it all, you know, and it's like very full spectrum life. So I'm I'm very excited about that. And I relate a lot to your your story, you know. Being in TV advertising for years, it was obviously like party and like a big life and exciting. And I honestly always said that if I wasn't in advertising, I would have been in nightlife. Yeah. At that stage of life. It was a time. It was a time. Yeah. Um, I literally wanted to get a tattoo that said, like, bury me in New York. Like, that's how much I was like, I'm never leaving. It's the only like it's the oxygen I breathe. Like, I would always tell my brother, like, you're not, like, if you don't live here, it's just like you don't, you're not it. You know? Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah. So when I came across your story, I was like, okay, managing partner at Tao, fully in that world, then had the health wake up, and then went on the spiritual journey. I was just like, I need to talk to this woman and hear the whole thing. So excited to have you, excited to dive into your story. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah. Okay. Let before we dive into the story, in your words, do you want to tell the peeps like what it is that you do now and the work that you're offering to the world? And then we'll back into the story.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Sure. Uh, now my work, I would call myself an integrated spiritual teacher. Uh, that is like the primary kind of title that I sit under. My work falls into two camps. I work with entrepreneurs, primarily startup founders, kind of helping them uh weave together uh really ambitious business goals with the desire to live a more connected and conscious life. Um, and then I'm also the leader of a spiritual community, not a cult, that meets live every week. Important. Very important to say to really help people weave spirituality into their real lives. So everything that I do is meant to be grounded, applicable, relatable. I'm a mom, I'm a businesswoman, I'm a Capricorn. Come on, you know? Even look at so it's really important to me that the spirituality that I teach doesn't live up in the clouds, it lives in the day-to-day areas of your real life so it can be useful and fruitful and hopefully make you and the planet a better place.

SPEAKER_03 2:47

I love it for so many reasons. I'm like totally your your target audience, target demographic. It's like the the up in the clouds is amazing and fun. And it was like a time, but obviously, like then reality hits us where we're like, oh, we still need to live in this world. Yeah. We're still ambitious and yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

I think that in this next era that we're stepping into, the concept of being integrated is going to become more and more at the forefront because we've been living these very disjointed lives where we think, oh, over here I'm this ambitious type A businesswoman, but then I go off for the weekend to do plant medicine and I'm just like this witch in the woods, but then I come back and these two identities, it's like it's like living a double life, right? But that's not necessary. We don't have to live that way. We get to be multifaceted and multidimensional. Um, and we get to claim that for ourselves, you know?

SPEAKER_03 3:42

Totally. I always say the people like spiritually awakening now are kind of like lucky in the sense that there's a lot more support, understanding of integration. And at the time it felt very double life-y, very confusing to the mind. Like, so I'm so glad that you're doing the work that you're doing because I'm really passionate about integration first and foremost, just because of what I experienced psychologically, spiritually, physically, trying to be these both these women. But I also I said this like a year and a half ago. I was like, the the next few years, it's going to be integration. Like totally integrating. So I'm so excited to dive more into the work that you do. I mean, I saw that you were featured in Huffington Post, Wall Street Journal, Mind Body Green. So I mean, obviously you're doing amazing things then and now. Yeah. So amazing.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

I've been really fortunate to have a like nine lives type of career with you know phenomenal people. And the clients that I work with now are like every day. I'm just like, wow, I'm so excited I get to talk to this person. I'm so excited I get to support them in what they're building. Yeah. Um, what I'm building helps other people build what they're building. So it just feels like this beautiful virtuous cycle. And, you know, I wouldn't, I wouldn't wish to be doing anything else with my life.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

No, we so we so need you. I mean, I'm I've been very divinely guided on this journey at the right time to the right person. And it's like you just check so many boxes of like what I feel like the world really needs right now, which is just that grounded, you know, approach to this work and what it entails. And then obviously, all of us that want to bring our business forward consciously and the fact that you've, you know, done all of that yourself is just amazing. So I'm excited to dive in. I want to start obviously by taking it back. Yeah, let's take it back. Not that we're not having fun now, but like totally, yeah. Yeah. So, okay, so for anyone who doesn't know your background, managing partner at Tao, started as an intern, worked your way up, yeah, um, lived in New York for 21 years, New York City, New York City for 21 years, was really in the center of that world. And I mean, back in like the 2000s, I mean, Hollywood Entertainment Nightlife was like everything, you know, it was like the thing you were flying on the private planes, throwing some of the most exclusive parties, you know, in the world at your venues. Um, and a lot of people at that point in life would consider that the dream life, right? And then 28, you had your heart surgery and everything changed. Yeah. So I want to take it back. What was, you know, how did you even get into town the first place as an intern? And like, what was it like, you know, getting your foot in the door?

SPEAKER_00 6:36

And so I grew up in a uh small town in Maryland, like working class family. Um, but I will say, like, I'm extremely intelligent, like perfect score on my SATs, straight A kid, despite being a total drunk party girl, I have a very high-functioning brain. Like, you know, I think one chromosome further, I would have been a complete Looney Tune.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Oh yeah. And I got into Columbia, so I was, you know, an Ivy Lake student. And as soon as I got to New York, it was my first taste of like this other world. I didn't know about rich people. I didn't know about Wall Street. I had never been to like a fancy restaurant, let alone a nightclub. Uh, I didn't know that people really had the things that I was seeing in magazines. It blew my mind. I didn't know, I didn't even know that boarding schools existed. I was in such a like kind of insular like middle class world, like going to school. I just I didn't have access to it. I didn't know anybody that was actually rich. And so when I first started going out and clubbing, I remember the night that I decided that I was gonna spend the rest of my life working in the nightlife world, which was it was a can't remember if it was a Monday or Tuesday, it was a night at this place called Table 50 that was very short-lived, but it was Q-tip and Mark Ronson DJing. And I got there super early. I'm with a couple of, you know, like other 18-year-old girls. And at some point, Jay-Z and Beyonce walk in. And this was like before they were public. It was like one of the first nights that they were out together in the city, and I'm like wasted off the kettle one, free vodka, you know, a teenager. I see them walk in and I'm like, I'm doing this for the rest of my life, right? Like, I was like, I was like, the intoxication was not just from the booze. I was like, oh my God, famous people, oh my god, or you know. And so um, I had been interning mainly in magazines. I was interning at like Cosmo and Instyle. And then I realized, all right, these chicks are making no money. You don't make money in journalism. Who's making money? And I realized, oh, like I could work in nightlife, I could work in hospitality. And so at that time, it was right as um Noah, Tepperberg, and Jason Strauss were getting ready to open Marquis. And I was chasing down another lead at Bungalow 8. I wanted to work for Amy Sacco, you know, and um the bartender there was like, no, no, no, you don't want to work for Amy, you want to work for these guys. They're smart, even went to business school. Like, these are the guys you want to work for. I'll never forget bartender Joe, still a friend of mine. Um, and so I literally just cold emailed. I was like, I want to be your intern. And the thing about, you know, having an Ivy League, at least then, like his cultural capital. They saw that email, Ivy League Kid wants to be a free intern. Totally. The foot in the door was just I just kicked it open, right? But but it did take a little bit of audacity to be like, hey, I want to be your intern. And, you know, I I started out very part-time and then I was interning, literally working 40, 50, 60 hours a week for free while going to school at night. And they actually told me if you graduate early, we'll give you a full-time job. And so I did. And like, you know, I was there at the right place, the right time. I mean, I did my ass, um, but it was a great time to be there, and it was so exciting. And I have like, I have only good things to say about like the actual Tao team, like phenomenal people. I was treated well, they were great bosses, visionaries. I mean, like, there's a reason why they're as successful as they are, and there hasn't been any like, you know, like skeletons in the closet, right? Like, if they had skeletons, they would have come out by now. They're great guys. Um crazy industry, but um was the best education. Um, but for me, you know, there there was a piece of it that was like, oh, because I am here, because I do this, now I matter. Now I'm somebody, right? And I really before that felt like nobody, felt like nothing. And so my low self-worth and the like glamour and glitz and clout of being in nightlife. I mean, it was it was both a beautiful and a very toxic cocktail.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

Totally, yeah. That's so that's so fascinating. Yeah, the fact that you're in a perfect score on your your SATs and you're like, I want to be in nightlife. I mean everyone thought I was nuts.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

I I was not, I am nuts. I don't I you know, I I I didn't have, you know, because my my parents are not like um, God bless them. My mom was a homemaker, my my dad worked in insurance. Like, I didn't have someone saying, Oh, you're smart, you should go do this. Yeah. Like, I didn't know what people like me did. And quite frankly, at Columbia, everybody is, you know, like a smart kid, right? I didn't know what finance was. For me, finance meant the lady at the bank that you put the check in the little two, like I did, I was a little bit feral, you know? And so I was going on pure instinct and this understanding that like, well, these guys are making money. Yeah, you know, I had that much of a clue in my mind. I was like, I'm not gonna do journalism because I can't survive on $30,000 a year. You know, I don't have a trust fund, I don't have, you know, um, someone supporting me. Um, so yeah, but everyone was like, Why like why would you want to do this? I don't know. Yeah, while it was a good choice.

SPEAKER_03 11:51

Yeah, and I'm so glad you have good things to say. Obviously, like I was telling you, my one of my best friends from high school, Shannon, had married Corey Strauss and his uncles, Jason, and and we've had, I mean, I had so much fun. They took us to Ultra. We were there, like it was like, I mean, we went to Ultra as kids, but we went as adults, we went with Corey and we were there. I think we took a boat there. We were like in the best section. Like it was just like so much fun. And and yeah, Corey's amazing, and so I'm glad you had a good experience.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

I say this to people all the time. I feel like I was like on a really safe little life raft in a sea of sharks. Because people ask me all the time, like, oh, did this ever happen to you? Did that ever happen to you? And I really think it didn't because I worked for them and I worked there, and I I I was shielded in in certain sense, you know, from uh from what could have happened, what I could like I saw a lot of stuff, but thankfully, like I was very inculcated in it. I think it's because like they didn't play that shit, you know. That's amazing. Okay, shout out to Noah and Jason for real being integrated.

SPEAKER_03 12:52

For real. Yeah, well, that's so that's so good. I mean, yeah, because a lot of people can't say the same.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

Oh there's other people that were not in that industry. So to be clear, uh, they weren't all Boy Scouts, put it that way. Yeah, true.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

Okay, the nightlife fun era. So let's talk about the fun times. Was there a moment, or I guess maybe we could even start with like what were some of your tasks as you climbed the rank and then you were, you know, sales and events, like what were some of the tasks that you were doing in nightlife?

SPEAKER_00 13:28

Yeah, I mean, I started as an intern, right? So, like at the very bottom, answering phones, taking money at the door, handling lost and found. But then very early, I started coordinating events and had a knack for um not only the like coordination and keeping all the details organized, but also sales. And I was I was a rainmaker. Like I was really, I think because I'm such a people person and because I'm such an intuitive, I didn't need a lot of sales strategy in order to get people to want to work with me because I was able to read people, I was able to kind of, you know, people please. I'm a great people pleaser, still could be if I wanted to be. Um and I executed at a really high level because I didn't have any boundaries around work. I mean, nobody was forcing me to work, you know, 20-hour days. That was that was of my own volition. Now, did it get me to rise through the ranks, right? When you see somebody performing at that level, um, you start to give them more to do. So as we started doing partnerships with hotel groups, because keep in mind when I started, the marquee office was in a crawl space above the nightclub. It wasn't what you see now. And so I was very well poised to literally grow with the company.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

And and I guess I shouldn't clarify Tau Group for anyone who doesn't know, Lavo, Marquee. Now it's like hundreds of beauty in Essex. Oh, yeah. I mean, like the bangers of New York, like bangers, great bangers.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

Yeah, and when I was 27, I like called a meeting with Noah and Jason and asked if I could invest, asked if I could become a partner. I think they thought I was gonna quit. Yeah. And I was terrified, but I had talked to like the other people that I work with. I mean, like, I had a lot of um you know, rich uncle, and you know, I won't even say rich because they're all self-made people, but like a lot of like unks and aunts that I could go to and be like, wait, how did this, you know, because I'm like, people aren't getting rich off a salary. How'd this happen? And so I was like, I want to straight together every little dollar that I've saved and invest. And I was fortunate enough that they said yes. Um and and and that's how that happened. But I mean, I I worked my ass off. Anybody that knew me in that era, like there's people now that I like coach and who knew me in that era, and they're like, I was scared of you. You were in those heels, just like, you know, like you know, with my clipboard, like I was I was as intense as it gets. Um but I had to plan parties for Beyoncé, Prince. I mean, anybody that you can think of, Leonardo and DiCaprio, like I got to work directly with them, plan, plan their events, like it was um, it was everything that you would think of, so much access, um, but also like an unrelenting work schedule that led to that severe burden at the age of 28.

SPEAKER_03 16:19

Yeah. Yeah, so many, so many ways to go. I mean, I hear you on like how intoxicating it was. Like, I remember for us in advertising, because I was brokering the deals for the commercials, so all the talent for the shows, we would have, you know, the upfronts, you probably were involved with that. I've done so many upfronts, yeah. I was gonna say, yeah, I think we've done upfronts at Marquee. Um, and we used to have our dinners at Tao and Lavo. And like it was just like everything, you know, and but like the intoxication of like being involved and like the glitz and the glamour, and like it just it was it was intoxicating for sure.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

Yeah, yeah. And and uh, yeah, I mean it was it was so much fun, it was such a moment in time. People were much less scripted and careful than uh in the pre-social media eras, because we're talking, I started with them in 2005, I left in early 2018, so not that long ago, but like those first, you know, that that first phase was before people even had like I mean, we planned we I planned the launch of the uh sidekick.

SPEAKER_03 17:22

So like was there any event or like any moment where you were just like, This is insane! Like I can't believe this is my life in a good way during that era.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

So many moments. I mean, I remember like we did a gifting suite before the VMAs, and um uh Snoop Dogg gave me a necklace that he had been gifted in a gifting suite because he said, This is chick bling, and he put it around my neck, and I was like, I still have the necklace. So funny. So that was insane. We when when Marky Vegas opened, um, you know, we still felt like we were a mom and pop. But then you go out to Vegas, and uh actually this was when, yeah, when Marky Vegas opened, it was uh Beyoncé performed, Florence in the Machine performed. I mean, it was there was an after party where it was like Rihanna and 50 Cent. I mean, it just like so many moments where you're this close to every, you know, this, that, and the other celebrity. I mean, even when I was just in my clubbing days, I remember a night sitting at a table with Bono and Naomi Campbell, being in a hot tub with George Clooney. I mean, I could go on. Go on. Justin Bieber were ever, he's like the guy of the moment right now. So many nights where when Justin was young and partying, he was always by the way, he would get messed up, but he was always kind of respectful. I mean, so many moments, and like it was thrilling until it wasn't, you know. So you don't want to pretend like it wasn't awesome. I still see it as an awesome time. It's just I did outgrow it, and I'm so glad that I outgrew it.

SPEAKER_03 18:53

Yeah, I always talk about that when Eric and I had our deep dive on this, like the fun times, like it was, you know, so much fun. Like it's like it's I I never say that it wasn't if like being in that world to some degree, and you were even more so. But even New York, being in New York and partying, you know, going up and down every weekend, like you know, we'd be at like Neo's table and like Bieber would walk by, like it was just Neo's lovely, lovely experience with him. Yeah, yeah, he was really great, yeah. But it was just so fun and so so so the moment, you know, to have kind of fun. And I feel like the kids aren't having that kind of fun these days, you know.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Yeah, I'm so glad that nothing was public when I was in that era. Um, because I would have self-edited, I would have been self-conscious, I would have been really uh, you know, thinking about what I looked like or what might appear on screen versus just like having a time. Yeah. And ooh, times were had.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

Yeah, times were had. I mean, we can offline about the real the real times, but they were just so so good. It was like, yeah, four nights a week. And then when you're partying and work allows you to party, that was a thing for us. We were expected to party because we were, you know, when I was on the buying side, I was 24 managing like these hundred million dollar budget. Totally. If they were broken out, maybe I was managing, you know, a couple rolling up to my manager, but it was, you know, at the management level, you then I was managing 150 million dollars. Like it was it was crazy. And then the sales side, we were taking out clients, whining and dining, you know, it was just it was just wild. But yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah, okay. So good times, fun times, obviously, we can go on and on. Um, but then, you know, right now we're definitely seeing a cultural shift, right? We are seeing the shadow side of Hollywood, nightlife, media, entertainment, like kind of these spaces that I think to generalize, like a lot of people idolized or aspired to be in.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:05

And I think, yeah, I think you know, the people that were really on the inside did see those moments. And I think some people felt like they couldn't speak up or they they shouldn't speak up, and so on. But it sounds like you were really blessed in the sense that your direct, like your your corporation, Jace and Noah, they were amazing. But obviously, you know, being in nightlife and entertainment general, I'm sure that you did see that shadow side. So tell us a little bit about when you started seeing, like, okay, maybe there's a shift here that you know it isn't all it's cracked up to be.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

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SPEAKER_00 22:22

Yeah. And I mean, I saw that more so with the clientele, right? Because you have these people who are titans of industry, Grammy winners, Oscar winners, billionaires, CEOs. And they are getting shit faced, doing hard drugs, hanging out, whether it's with cocktail waitresses or like actual like hired women, which like I knew was going on, right? Like I knew people that were involved in that world. I knew people who got sucked into that world. I ended up some after hours where I'm like, this is not a place for me, right? Um and when we see that it's not just the actual like depravity or whatever, but it's like, hmm, okay, if these are the people who we are told are the most successful by society standards, why do they also need and like look, I am not vilifying if you want to go out and party every once in a while, drink whatever. But like these are people who are coming two, three, four nights a week, who are spending not $500 at the bar, but like $50,000 at the bar. Five, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, if not more. And you start to see that there is a pull towards this, almost like the like the moth to a flame thing. Um, and it can be really beautiful. Like I have a I have a very clear memory, and it's interesting because a lot of the memories, like some of the memories that I think of that are so fun, I'm like, oh my god, DJ Am, DJ'd my graduation after party, he's no longer with us. I remember being in the club when Avici was dropping new songs, like electrifying, he's no longer with us, right? So it's like, ooh, like the duality is right there, right in front of your face. And so as you start to kind of see like, well, what type of lifestyle, what type of inner world begets the desire to get shit faced three, four, five times a week? Not when you're 20, not when you're 25, not when you're broke and it's like the only way you get to let off steam, but when you have can do anything you want. Why are you inviting me on your plane? The random 24-year-old girl who plans parties at the club you go to. Like, I wouldn't invite you if I had a plane. I'd invite my friends, my partner, my family, right? So it's like you start to kind of put these things together. And because I am who I am, right? And came here to be who I am going to, you know, was growing up to be. I couldn't kind of like, I couldn't kind of quiet those question marks that were popping up and up and up. Um, because it stops being fun when you realize it's coming from a place of sadness, when you realize it's coming from a place of not enoughness, right? These guys that have everything in the world but still think they're losers. So, oh, maybe if I sit at a table next to Rihanna, then I'm cool. But wait, I paid 200k to sit here. So is that cool? Or am I buying my friends? Am I buying my identity? And this is why so many people kind of go off the deep end when they have everything. Because it's like, wait, I have everything and I'm still not happy. Oh, I guess I should have done the inner work. Guess I should have made real relationships and connections and done some healing instead of just popping bottles in the club. You know what I'm saying? And so um it's like a little bit of it, is like, you know, a good story. When it's your entire life, there is something deeper that is wrong. And I didn't want to keep contributing to that with my one precious life.

SPEAKER_03 26:03

What did you feel like is the cost of that lifestyle that people don't see?

SPEAKER_00 26:09

Yeah. And I'm gonna get woo. I know this is an audience that that um that understands woo. Um, I, in my, you know, many years since uh leaving nightlife, um, have trained in somatic experiencing, which is a form of nervous system-based trauma healing, as well as many different forms of shamanic um practice. And in shamanism, they talk about the concept of soul loss, right? Where parts of your soul start to kind of leave your body because it's not a safe place to be. And anybody that's been like a hardcore drug user, drinker knows that like addiction is a is a is a great contributor to soul loss because our soul cannot exist in a body that is totally dissociated, blacked out, abusing itself, et cetera, et cetera. And the thing about nightlife is uh you're not just addicted to the you can go there and not even drink, but you're addicted to the clout, you're addicted to the access, you're addicted to who uh it makes you be in society's eyes, that you can be there. And this is why like people can't not go to an event. I have to be seen at Fashion Week, I have to do that. What's missing in you that you feel like you have to? And so the cost really is your authenticity, your individuality, your centeredness, your wholeness. And whenever you give a piece of yourself away, whether it's to a job, an identity, a substance, a relationship, right? Like you're in a codependency with uh the glamour, the glitz, the sizzle, the in-crowd. And I I even now sometimes I see like, you know, people that are doing the same thing that I was doing 10, 15 years ago. I'm like, aren't you tired of this yet? Aren't you ready to let go of this commitment and this addiction to being in the in-crowd? Because it does, it's it does lose its, it should lose its allure over time.

SPEAKER_03 28:17

It was it's it's so true. My boyfriend and I always talk about it because we, you know, party from 15 to 30 years old, and we're like, man, like after the 30s, like it does get old. And I I can speak to what you're talking about with the addiction. Like, I definitely, you know, and you were talking about your shadows of like why that kind of satiated you to be for me, it was like, you know, when Neo would call me over and be like, come to my table, like I would be like, I'm it, you know, when like different people in Hollywood or or of you know, in that world would like give me that validation, and of course there, you know, sometimes it's just like, oh, she's hot, and I'm like, I've made it, I've made it. They got me, I'm at the table, and it was just it was addicting and intoxicating, and then pair it with work, obviously, like um, you know, it's just being in that scene, but it it was it does get old, and like I remember trying to still go back and or trying to go back after all the spiritual work, and it just it didn't fulfill me anymore. Yeah, but it's it's not venue, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:29

And I've I haven't had any alcohol since 2018, so when I go, I'm wrong, right? 2021. I have another alcohol. Yeah, when I go to venues now, what I see is a bunch of eyes like this. Am I allowed to be here? Am I cool enough? Who's looking at me? Who's watching me, right? Like I see these seeking souls, they're seeking validation, they're seeking you know, an identity, they're seeking to be enough, right? They're seeking love, they're seeking belonging. It's like, oh, we're all seeking everywhere. Like, you ain't gonna find it, right? You you're not gonna find it. And the truth is, like, look, like I love to dance, I love great music. There is an experience of going out dancing that is not the same as going to that particular club on that particular night for that particular reason, right? You're dancing, you don't care who's there, it's you, your buddies, your music, your body, right? Like dancing and going out is not in and of itself a form of, you know, like soul loss.

SPEAKER_03 30:40

Yeah, it's the clout chasing, it's that piece of it. It's so true. We would like we had like a whole system, you know, like circles, see who's at what table, give a look, wait for them to call us over. Like it was like the night wasn't good unless we were at the best table with the best person. And it was it was a system that we had down path. I was like leading that movement, you know. I was like, Yeah, girl, we go here, we go there. But yeah, I love the way you explain the the cloud chasing and how it is really empty. You know, it's interesting. Fame now is very different with social media. Like, I always explain, I wrote an article about Brittany Spears. I was like such a fan growing up, but I just now being in this work, observing what's going on with her and seeing like you know, the journey unfold there with all of that trauma, it's like you think about fame then, and we just had TRL and TV, and we'd see it was it was this like intoxicating situation. But now on social media, you know, you have Alex Earl becoming famous because of being an influencer, and it's a different, there's like different access points that it almost in a healthy way, I feel, has like softened the obsession. Like, okay, on one hand, people like truly are like, oh, I can get famous like that because of social, but on the other, it has taken away this like I don't know, almost this what is the word?

SPEAKER_00 32:04

Like a like spread out the number, you know, like you can't be as crazy about those six famous people.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

Yes, yes. It was like six famous people, you know. Yeah, and it became it was like, you know, Eric talks about this a lot, but it was just people were obsessed with like this, you know, the six most famous people kind of spread it out. Yeah, yeah. And I think that's helped a little bit with like at least for those people who were like in danger from like paper in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now everyone's the paparazzi. Now everyone's a paparazzi, yeah. Well, were there any moments that you witnessed, whether you know, yourself or with others, where things felt out of integrity that you feel comfortable sharing?

SPEAKER_00 32:41

Yeah, I mean, there there's a uh there's there's a guy. I I I don't know if I'll name his name, but there's a guy, it it's come out publicly who was a very, very like loyal bottle customer back in the day. Um, used to come to like our charity events and make donations, like a real dorky looking finance guy came out just a few years ago, long after I'd left, that he had a sex dungeon in his basement at non-consensual stuff happening, right? Not just like, you know, kinky. And that one of the former Cocteau waitresses after she left one of our clubs was his assistant, and she got arrested too. And so, like, I mean, there's there, there was a there's a lot of any time where you mix too much money with too many substances and too young of women with too rich of men, right? That type of that is that is what happens. And um, you know, it's certainly it's not everybody, but like that kind of stuff, even just the way that like that, you know, women were talked about. Were they a model or were they a pedestrian, right? Like it was everyone was ranked on their looks and their outfits. And it's like, I get from a business side, I get it, I can play the game. From a like, is this what I stand for? Is this what I want to be involved with? No.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

Totally. It really was like that. I mean, we would be like lined up by the promoter and like, you know, make sure I was only rolling with baddies so that I get in the best. Like it was, it was so toxic, but also at work, you know, it's like I think back in there, you know, this has come out now, but there was just so much that we like looked the other way on or thought was normal or acceptable, and like, you know, in both ways, like flirting away at the top, or also being like, you know, taken advantage of. And and it there's so much happening in the you know, advertising, media, nightlife, like spaces. I mean every space, but now, you know, you just there's so much more awareness, and then obviously with the journeys we've gone on in the conscious spaces, it's like it's like you just can't even be involved if it is still going on.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

100%.

SPEAKER_03 34:49

Yeah, yeah. Well, okay. Let's talk about your health. So you you did, you know, you were enjoying yourself, having fun, working hard, but then you started with like, well, I guess not even that. You said you were the person that they knew would just kill it with work. You were no one asked you to, but you were just like overdoing it, working. You said, what, 60 hours, 70 hours a week?

SPEAKER_00 35:17

60 minutes. Come on, girl. I mean, here's the thing, right? At at the time that I was there, there were multiple venues, there were a lot of different things going on. Um, and I didn't really have a boss, I mean, I had bosses, but like nobody knew what my workload was. I wasn't like checking in with a manager and saying, like, here's what's on my plate, you know, like the way you do in like a corporate environment. So if I was, you know, working my my normal schedule and then doing events every single night until 10 or 12, that was just what I was doing. And then when I would be involved in these like leadership meetings, right? If something was there to be done, I would just do it because I was the youngest person that was senior. Um I'm I'm extremely capable, like extremely high executive functioning. I still am. And so I could manage it. And the interesting thing is the way that burnout um manifests, and actually when I first started coaching, um, I talked a lot more about burnout as sort of a central focus because I lived it and breathed it. But my burnout manifested really only physically. I was happy, I was motivated, I wished I could have done more. Like I wasn't like, I wasn't like, I wasn't like, I didn't feel particularly stressed or crying or anything like that. I went to a routine checkup and found out that I had a severe life-threatening arrhythmia that needed to be corrected with uh an ablation, which is a, you know, a heart surgery procedure. And I was flabbergasted. I had no idea. Like, I, you know, there were days and times where I for sure knew I was run down, right? Like, or, you know, like how the celebrities have to get an IV for exhaustion. Like, yeah, that definitely happened from time to time. But like, if my heart hadn't stopped me, I wouldn't have stopped. And what I know now, and what like every like psychic shaman, anyone I've gone to in the past, you know, ever long is like that that was not a physical injury. That was a soul injury. That was your soul being like, bitch, get out of here. You're supposed to be doing something else. Um, I was moving so fast that I wouldn't have stopped to even consider what that else would have been if I hadn't had the heart surgery. And so when I when that happened, um, there were a lot of really sobering uh kind of things I heard from the doctors, which was basically like, if this doesn't get better, you're gonna need a pacemaker. If this doesn't get better, you're gonna need to be on these medications for life. And like, I'm not gonna lie, at the moment I was like, well, maybe I'll just get on these medications and get a basement. You know, I was like, I gotta keep rocking. I gotta keep, you know, gotta keep it. Because you were 28, right? So young.

SPEAKER_03 37:49

And you probably the height of your, you know.

SPEAKER_00 37:52

Yeah, totally so young. And um, and and and thankfully, you know, there was a part I was already the crazy part is I was already a trained yoga teacher at this time. So there was part of me that was like already, I was vegan, like I was girl, I was all over the place. But I was really pulled to the death. Like I was really pulled to soul work and shadow work and all that stuff. It's just like, like we were talking about before, like I had the double life, right? I had the um, you know, the career over here and then the spiritual yoga stuff over here. And so when the heart surgery happened and I had to take a sabbatical, I moved down to New Orleans for a year. I became a Reiki master, I did my IIN Institute of Integrative Nutrition Health Coaching certification. I was teaching yoga and meditation full time. Like, I like went deep into it. And I really had to learn, like, this was before, first of all, there was no social media. No one was talking about the nervous system. No one, nobody knew what regulated meant. Nobody knew what any of this, nobody was talking about this. Even people that were like in the yoga world hadn't made really those connections between like somatics, mind-body medicine, et cetera, et cetera. So I was like an early adopter of that stuff and learning it with myself as a guinea pig.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

Yeah. Were you excited and embracing it, or were you like really sad that you were not able to continue in your career?

SPEAKER_00 39:17

Um, well, this will tell you a lot about my trauma patterning, but I just felt so ashamed. Like the big story at that time for me was like, I did this to myself. Like, what an what an asshole. Like, what, what, you know, how did I do this to myself? And also some pity. Like, it's not fair that like my body can't perform at the level that I want it to. There was there was no excitement. Um, there was there was some meaning making that allowed me to tell a story publicly that sounded better than I hate myself, what am I gonna do with my life? I'm washed up, I'm a piece of shit, right? Fortunately, the the things that I was studying, I was extremely fascinated by and passionate about. And so that was, but but at that time I I never had an inkling. Oh, I could make a career of this, oh, like I could make this my life. It was always about like personal recovery, personal healing. And like getting back, like you wanted to get back to the to the I wanted to get back to something. I wanted to get back to um creating significance for myself in the only way that I knew how, which was by being productive, by being good at things, by being, you know, um, like being a straight A kid, you know. Um that is how I always got approval. That's how I always, you know, teachers pet, all of that stuff. And so, yeah, I wanted the tools for for really like practical re reasons. Um at the time, I thought I was doing some healing shit, but if I'm honest, the deeper healing layers of really getting to know my soul, of really getting to understand um my ancestral trauma, you know, all of that stuff didn't come until later. And so just to kind of like cut the story a little short, when I came back to New York, I went back to work.

SPEAKER_03 41:19

Um I know I was like, I want to hear this. So you so you took a year sabbatical. Yes. You went all like you did the eat pray love, right? You went to India. Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. And just traveled and did like spiritual work to your understanding of spiritual work. Yeah. You had already had a foundation with the yoga, but this was like your deeper dive, and you didn't know what was gonna go go on from there, and you were, you know, waiting to hear it sounds like from the doctors if this was gonna be like something fixed or yeah, you know, I um I I think at the time there was a hope that something would just happen, right?

SPEAKER_00 41:59

Like that I'd be fine, I'd be okay. You know, I I I I was so outside of where I more my capabilities lived, which was doing what the next right move was. I I I was not someone who dreamed particularly big. I was not someone who believed in myself. Uh, I knew I could do a good job at anything that was assigned to me. I knew if there was a door, I could bust it down, but it was all through force. I wasn't like, you know, really tapping in or, you know, I I just I was so I was so in, you know, now people know what this means, but I was in functional freeze. Yeah. Chronic stress, chronic dysregulation. Nothing magical happens when you're in chronic stress dysregulation mode, right? Right. So I could perform, hey, I'm doing these things. I'm going on my spiritual journey, but really it was like, oh my spiritual journey, you know, like the beginning, it'd be like that, you know.

SPEAKER_03 42:56

It's like at least some you you think you're doing it in the beginning, but I'm introducing you.

SPEAKER_00 43:03

But but but also, and just being completely real, like I ran out of money, you know. I needed, I needed, and I didn't know you know what else to do. And they wanted me back, and I came back and was able to like really set certain hours. Oh, so you went back to Tau Group. Oh, yes, girl. After the year for about two and a half years. I got what was that like, the two and a half years? You know, it was good because I got my financial house in order. I had my son, I did maternity, like, but the sparkle because I was sober and I was like a lot more awake, the sparkle was never there. It was like at that point, it was a very good job because I was senior, I could set my own hours, I didn't work myself to the bone. But like I was always half there. Like my soul knew that I wasn't meant to be there. Um, it and everything happens for a reason, right? So during that time, I was able to basically. Prove to myself, like, okay, I can be successful, productive, et cetera, et cetera, without killing myself. Yeah. Great. Um, and so then I, after lots of time searching, it was not easy for me to find a job outside of the industry because my whole experience was in hospitality nightlife.

SPEAKER_03 44:18

And what led you to leave if after the two and a half years?

SPEAKER_00 44:22

Um I intended to come back for a short period of time just to kind of get my feet on the ground. Um, and three months after coming back, I got pregnant. And, you know, once again, being somebody who is not a risk taker, who is very like like needs financial security. Um, I wasn't gonna leave with uh, you know, with a with a baby and then a toddler. My husband was an entrepreneur, he wasn't really making money yet. And so really it was a necessity. Um, as soon as I got my wits together, I started looking for a job and I was looking in primarily the wellness space because I knew that that was what was coming next. But like finding a job that was at all comparable in pay took a while. Yeah. But then I moved to Saqqara and I was business development at Saqqara for almost four years, and then I was a GM at Melissa Wood Health, and Melissa was Noah's wife, right? So did they make give that you that connection? It was like a friend of a friend that was like added in it, you know what I mean? It was like that kind of thing. So but for sure that's why I got the job, you know? And so I was able to take my business skills, apply them to the wellness industry until I was ready to finally jump and create something of my own, um, which like I didn't do until I was 37. So, like if you're listening and you're thinking you're a late bloomer, like guess what? All the things that you've learned, all the wisdom, all the experience, like it will do you so many favors when you finally get the confidence, the financial security, whatever it is you need, whether you got to get your kids into daycare or out of college or whatever era you're in. I love a late bloomer. Like never too late to do the thing that your soul came here to do. And like now, in hindsight, I can look back and see how every single, even like this conversation that we're having right now was inspired by the fact that I was a nightlife girly. Not just that I am a spiritual teacher and a shamanic practitioner, right? Like that is part of it. But like I can really look back and see everything that I could color as a mistake, a misstep, misaligned, et cetera, et cetera. It served its purpose in that moment and it made me who I am today. So I'm grateful for all of it.

SPEAKER_03 46:42

I love that. I I see so many weavings of like my own story within yours, but it's like, yeah, I think I love that you say that because of nightlife people, you know, we're having this conversation because I do feel like, you know, for a while I felt like I needed to like detach from that old life, but now I love talking about being the one that was circling the the table seeing around because that's why some girls do resonate with me and they see that you are now doing this, and they're you invite them into a process and they see resonance. And I think even yesterday I posted like reading a book, it This is my fun now, and cut to because this was my fun for 15 years, and I'm like screaming on the table, like whipping my hand around. And it's like, I wouldn't have posted that if you I when I started this two and a half years ago, because I thought it was like no. So I think we give a lot of people permission, and it's yeah, it's amazing. But I I also love that you're talking about how this is very important to me for people to hear that you were 37 when you finally went off on your own. Because it can be when you do get in a little, you know, enlightened, if you want to call it, and or more conscious, there is a lot of people that feel like because you're awakening, they feel this pressure to like do their own thing. And I was, you know, I've gone through a lot of iterations, you know. I went jumped fully into this after they laid all of us off at my last company. Um, and I jumped fully into this and did it for a year, but then panicked because I was like, wait, like financially, you know, I was so stressed out. Yeah. And then went back to working like very similar. I found like, okay, what's in the wellness feeling involved? I can work for someone else. Then I went, you know, I've done so many versions to make it work. And I'm 35, I'm turning 36 next month, you know, and it's like the baby. I think I think making peace with the fact that everyone's journey looks different. And if you need to work in the industry a bit for someone else, there's so much you can learn. I mean, I learned a ton from the functionals I was working with, from the the other, you know, people with offers that were doing sales and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 49:00

Yeah, I don't think we do ourselves any favors by demanding perfection of our journeys. Um, if I had waited, if anyone waits for things to be perfect or for life not to be real, for bills not to exist, for obligations not to exist. Um, that's why we stay stuck because we are waiting for it to make perfect sense and it's not going to make perfect sense. If you keep moving incrementally towards what feels more and more authentic and aligned for you, those incremental shifts will add up over time, but only if you start taking them. And so, you know, I I think also like as we think about what we came here to be, not just what we came here to do. Um, there's so much growth that can happen without the career change happening in that moment, right? Because there's a lot of there's a lot of um growth that we do that's most of the growth we do is invisible. I love to tell the story of there's a woman named Zelda. She's an Indigenous elder who's based near me in upstate New York, and she drove a public school bus for 30 years until she could get her pension to be a healer full-time. And this woman is like mystical AF, tapped in, like weaves these beautiful um dream catchers and like she's just amazing. But like she drove a school bus for 30 years. Why? Because she had a kid and she needed to pay the bills, right? That didn't make her any less of the magical, wise woman that she is. It just made her journey, in my opinion, a little bit more interesting. And also, you know, Instagram, social media has made it to where we all feel as though we have to have some cohesive brand narrative. And everything that we do, wear, say, own has to be in a very particular aligned box, or we're not the thing that we say we are. And so I make it a point. Like, I I I would have grown probably a lot quicker if I had come up with some type of, you know, like, here's who I am, here's what I stand for, here's what I do, here's what I wear, and made it all very cohesive and tied it up with a bow. No, I want you to hear the twists and turns. I want you to know that it was, you know, that I went back to the company. I want you to know that I like the nightlife guys. Yeah. I'm not here to do call-out culture, right? Like, if something needs to be called out, I'll call out, but I don't have to like burn down my, you know, my past to enter into my future. Um, we get we get to live a life that is true. And when you're living a life that is true, it's not going to necessarily be tied up with like a perfect, here's my story for the podcast bow. Sorry, guys. We're like, wait, what happened? Then what? Where'd she get? You know, like, no, like if you got twists and turns, girl, like keep keep it moving because that is true. That's who you really are here to be.

SPEAKER_03 52:00

Totally. I always share with people that I still work part-time. It's very aligned, it's very congruent to what I'm doing. But I work part-time for for someone else's company. And it's again, it's like the same conversations I'm having in mind, but it it created an environment for me where, you know, I tried full-time with concierge, that was too much. Then I tried part-time. And, you know, I tell people that all the time. And Krista Williams, who's a friend, a mentor of mine, but she always talks about how she went in and out of corporate while they were building up posterity. It wasn't a linear journey, you know, she would go in and out. And I think that's important because there was a narrative a few years ago. I feel like that was kind of like quit your job and live your purpose. Even Jay Shetty has retracted his statement where he used to sell this program that I almost did it. And it was like, um, you can make money in your purpose. Um, you know, and that's like kind of what we should be doing. And then later he said, like when he interviewed Alex Formosy, he was saying, like, you know, I used to promote that a lot. And now I feel also sometimes that's not the thing that's gonna make us the most money, you know.

SPEAKER_00 53:07

I will never teach anything that I don't feel is absolutely true for the person that I'm speaking to. And so when I I have a saying with my clients, well say, like, don't don't act broker than you are, because the universe knows. And so if you come to me with a trust fund and you're afraid to quit your finance job, I'm gonna say, girl, don't play that. Like you have financial freedom, you have a safety net. Like, if you're like ready, you need to leave, right? But if you're a single mom, whatever. If you don't have that, like you don't have to jump off a cliff. You don't have to like make things more stressful than they have to be. It's already hard. Everything's hard. Life is hard, right? Yeah, you don't have to make it even harder by putting yourself into a place of scarcity. But if, you know, and and I I have like a lot of you know, clients who are married and maybe their partner is making a lot of money. I'm like, talk to your partner. Will they float you for six months while you figure this out? If so, quit the job that's killing you. Like, it's not a contest to see who can make the most money in their lifetime before they die.

SPEAKER_03 54:13

I'm not I'm not here for that contest, at least. I love that you said don't act broker than you are. I remember when I started, you know, I was started with my partner. He's an accountant, like, you know, still in the city at his firm. And um, I was like freaking out. And my mom and him, they were like, this is not like a real problem. Like, we're we're gonna eat. If you want to do this, I invite you to do it. But my mind couldn't because of the money I used to make, and it felt like I was gonna starve. But the reality was, and we went in and out of this conversation for years where he was like, you know, he comes from nothing. His parents came backpacks on. My dad was always the show pony, you know, throwing money back. So, I mean, in if he's watching in a good way, like not in a, you know, love your dad. Love your dad. He was just spoiling. So I had to learn what is really an emergency, what is really, you know, what is worth to follow what you love if it means downgrading the lifestyle of it.

SPEAKER_00 55:19

Yeah. And I think, you know, the narrative that things and money, you're circling back to where we started, right? The narrative that things and money are going to make us happy is a really easy to believe one. And so when we when we do things that move us away from maximum profitability, maximum income, there's a part of us that says, well, this isn't a good choice. I'm moving away from what's going to make me happy. I'm moving away from what's going to bring me joy. But at a certain point, we have to realize it's like that Jim Carrey quote, right? That I hope that everyone at some point in their life gets like wildly rich and famous so that they can realize that's not the thing that's going to make them happy. I love that quote. And I love Jim Carrey. So we're Yeah, 100%. And so I get to learn that lesson early, working around celebrities and billionaires, right? I'm like, oh, these people aren't as happy as maybe like I wanted them to be, or I assume they should be. And so in my life, I mean, I have absolutely lowered my like earning potential, you know, not that I couldn't get there again, but like I if I had stayed working in, you know, nightlife at the level that I was, I'd be a rich bitch. You'd see me on a yacht, see me at my Hamptons house, right? Like, you know, and and there was a time where that thought would have made me cringe or troubled me. And now I'm like, my soul is so wealthy, my soul feels so abundant. I do whatever the fuck I want to do. I make good money. I help people, I'm living in my purpose, I get to be myself. I never have to be a phony person. I never feel like I'm contributing to the downfall of society. Um, a couple million bucks in my bank account would not be worth that trade-off. And I I know that on an embodied level, not just a you know, a mental level.

SPEAKER_03 57:11

It's so important. I've gone through so many seasons of that because you see your friends that stayed the course in corporate, and especially if they seem happy, then there's like this, do they? I know. I know.

SPEAKER_00 57:24

I don't have any friends that seem happy. I'm the happiest person I know.

SPEAKER_03 57:27

Yeah, I know, right? I mean, even just the fact that it's Monday afternoon and we're having this conversation and I woke up and I went to yoga. I mean, I dreamed of those days.

SPEAKER_00 57:36

Yeah, yeah. And in the in the world we're living in now, with all of the changes happening in tech and the economy and politics, it's just there is no safe path. There is no safe path other than maybe inheriting a pile of millions from you know, but there's no safe path. And so are you going to invest all of your energy, all of your life force, all of your magic in building something just because it is more likely to be financially secure? I know that's not that's a risky bargain these days, not just spiritually and energetically, but also financially. It's just it's not as safe as it used to be.

SPEAKER_03 58:17

Yeah. And honestly, similar to you, I when I was on my last, I took my last VP of sales job. I was so excited it was a startup, and we were bringing Marca to the States, which is Barstool out there. That was my first like dip out of the T traditional TV world. I knew when I took that job, it was there was no way, especially at a startup, because you can kind of coast in the bigger networks, but at a startup, I was gonna be responsible for bringing in all the money. I took that job and I knew I was just buying time because I was so checked out. And my point is, I couldn't even stay in that world if I wanted to. I have to be super medicated. I would have been had to have been on like a ton of SSRIs now, or you know.

SPEAKER_00 59:00

There's there is a point at which your soul will no longer let you go back to the old paradigm that you have very clearly outgrown. You can try, but it's just like when I went back to Tao for that little blip after, you know, after my sabbatical, I was there in body, I was not there in spirit.

unknown 59:18

I know.

SPEAKER_00 59:19

Me too. You know, um, there's no going back, right? You the ship is sailed, the ship is sailed.

SPEAKER_03 59:24

I'm just curious your take on this. Do you feel like everyone on earth has a purpose and the point of life is to figure out what your gifts are, connect that purpose and share it with the world?

SPEAKER_00 59:35

I believe that we all have a truth and a unique design. Um, and within that unique design, there's things that we're meant to be, and there's things that we're meant to do. And just as the way like someone's human design chart has like a million little, you know, shapes and arrows and all the little numbers, right? It's very complex. It's not like, here's the one thing that's you, right? Even in, you know, in an astrology, people say, oh, it's not just your sun, it's not just your moon, it's you know, a million little things. So I think to say that we have a purpose in our like very kind of Western mind would imply that there is like one thing that we are supposed to do and we have to find it and do it. Whereas I would say instead that we all have a unique design and we're here to live. And I'm not even really a human design person, but I do believe that we all have a real blueprint, we have a real intelligence to the way that the creator created us. And so it is our job to always be listening in, checking in, and adjusting our external. So instead of adjusting ourselves to the external, we need to be adjusting the external to be in line with our internal. And so looking for what feels aligned, what feels authentic, what feels enriching, what feels expansive. Who do I feel good around? What type of places, what type of nature, what type of output? And the other thing is so my brand is called Becoming with a lowercase B, because we're always in constant evolution. There's no period at the end, there's no capital B because it's not like a, oh, I became, right? No, there is it, it's an it's a constant evolution. Because I'm, you know, I'm 42. What's true for me now? Like I can guarantee you that in three years, I'm gonna be talking about some other shit. And three years from then I'm gonna be talking about some other shit. And I will often say to people, a way to know if the people in your life or even the people that you follow, the spiritual people you follow, if they're truly doing their work, they will not have the same slogan or the same brand identity that they did when you started following them three, five, ten years ago. If they do, they're not on their path, they're not doing their work. They have a spiritual brand that they are selling you, that they have committed to. But what I know is anything that I've created within two years, it feels like a cage. Within two years, I'm like, oh, it's time to break out, it's time to get free, it's time to get free. So, do you have a purpose? You have infinite purposes. There is not a word to define the the infinite number of purposes that you have. Every moment has a unique purpose. Every time you open your eyes, there is a purpose waiting to be discovered. Um, and it's gonna change from from moment to moment. You want to be so present in your life that what your purpose is in that exact moment becomes clear to you. And that y'all often say you like move through life like a hot knife through butter. You're just you're just there. You're so checked in to your own lived experience that a question like that, you're like, yeah, I'll know it when I see it. I'll know it when I feel it.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:48

Totally. I always say I reserve the right to change my mind. So tell the people where to find you and also what your current offerings are.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:57

Yeah, so you can find me on Instagram at Amanda Bodier, my full name, and then at becoming-collective on Instagram. And um, right now my primary offering is my membership. So it's called Becoming Collective. We meet live every week. Um, it's virtual. Uh, we do do in-person events, but I I'm I have a theme every month that we kind of focus on as a group this month of April. I don't know when this is going to come out, but the month of April is all about alignment. Um, the month of May is all about empowerment, becoming empowered. And so first Sunday of the month, I talk my shit. I do what what I call a wisdom talk, and I bring wisdom from my own experience, my client case studies, as well as different spiritual traditions and backgrounds. Um, the second Sunday of the month, we do somatic movement and meditation and really understand how does the body come into play? How does the energy, how do the, how do the energy uh centers come into play with this theme? Third Sunday of the month, excuse me, third Sunday of the month, couldn't quite say that, is um breath work. Um, breath work is a modality that I love for its transformative power, but I also think that like it's not always taught in the most skillful way. So I like I want to make sure that my my my community is getting like a really deep transformative breathwork experience every month. And then the final Sunday of the month is community coaching. So people come on and it's just asking me questions, rapid fire. And yeah, I do one-on-one coaching with startup founders, but I am booked. Um, but I'm I I am feel very fortunate to be booked until like next year, basically. And then I'm I'm actually doing a retreat to Italy um late September. So, like really going back to like my ancestral homeland, we'll be doing deep shamanic practices. We will be doing family constellations, we'll be sightseeing and going into town to eat and be cute, you know. So it'll be a little bit a little bit of everything. Um, but I like to do deep work. I'm not here for the surface shit. I'm not here for the love and light BS. I want everyone to live a rich, full, expanded, joyful, breast, free life. And you can't do that if you try to keep yourself into like, here's my box, here's my brand, here's my offering. No, like I want to be of service. And in order to do that, I have to be fluid and and and move where the spirit takes me and where it takes my clients and community. Um, in my becoming logo, there's a symbol that's called the DOSO. And it's an ancient Celtic symbol that means towards the sun, towards the sun. And basically what it means is like you don't have to know exactly where you're going. I'm gonna read something, that's why I'm opening my phone. You don't need to know exactly where you're going, you don't have to have a full plan. You can just start moving in the direction of the sun, right? Moving towards the light, moving towards what feels good. And this is a this is a little poem. So it's called How to Build a Tree. Sometimes your next halting step is more powerful than the grandest vision. All a leaf knows about building a tree is to turn towards the light. Um, when I saw that, I was like, Yeah, sometimes all you need to know is that I want to turn towards the light. You can start small, you could take baby steps. And I love what you the way you've described your business. Is like if you don't know what you need, just start, you know, just start, just explore, just know that that there is so much on the other side of deciding to prioritize your own joy and and um you know, go for it. I love that.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:35

So amazing the work that you're doing. And yeah, it just so resonates for me. I know it will resonate for my audience. I think, you know, the people that follow me and watch these things are, you know, they see similar threads within within me and you, and yeah, so um, and then for anybody who's like, man, there's so many options out there. I don't know who to work with, I don't know what I need, I don't know if I need to heal my body, heal my ancestral trauma, you know, go to a retreat. You are always welcome to set up a consultation with me at www.yourconsciousconcierge.com. You can find me at your conscious concierge on Instagram. We have the podcast, Conscious Conversations, we have her conscious collective, the women's community. And um, yeah, always shoot me a DM.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:25

Thanks so much for being here. Thank you, my love. This was so fun. We could have talked for three hours.