Keeping Your Joy

Getting older doesn’t mean giving up the things that make you feel alive. In this episode of Staying Alive, Margaret and Susy dig into what it actually takes to hold onto your joy as the years go by.

Hosted and Produced by Margaret Cooley and Susy Hymas

Produced, Edited & Designed by Wil Guilfoyle

Music by Luke Paquin

Marketing Manager Hazel Seagrave

Voice Talent Marlene Gordon

https://www.stayingalivewithmargaretandsusy.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

The following is for informational purposes only. For medical advice, please see a medical professional.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

Welcome to Staying Alive with Margaret and Susie. This is kind of a part two of our last episode on finding your joy. Because I think it's important to address what happens when sudden events change our lives, like overnight. How do we keep finding our joy then? And we have to figure out a way to roll with it despite sudden changes. We want to keep our joy. And I think one of the ways Susie and I are so good at keeping our joy is that we're both people who know how to roll with whatever life throws in our path. And we're really fortunate in that. And we have friends of many ages, and we've watched older friends navigate those changes. And Susie has also worked with an aging population and has lots of ideas about how to help people ask for help and get the help with what they need, even if they're seniors with limited resources.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

So that's where sometimes it's not even yourself that goes through the change. Sometimes it's extended family or family members that are going through something that you have to change your life in order to be there for them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

Yeah. Yeah. And so I was thinking about dealing with change, and I I don't know if this is true or not, but I was thinking, have you ever noticed that the grumpiest old people uh often have the complaint, why isn't the world like it used to be? And they just complain about that over and over again. And and like to be to be kind, I I would say, if somebody says that to you, you know that is a person who is really being challenged by a changing world, and they need your help. They they need help, they need help to figure it out. And so so we're here to help with that today. You know, what happens when life suddenly throws up a roadblock? And there are so many that can occur when you're aging, and we don't want to scare anybody and throw out, like, oh, all the terrible things that could happen, you know, because maybe maybe they won't. But you know what I was thinking is that our generation has the unique perspective of what happened in the early days of COVID. And so not just our generation, but the whole world, suddenly, the whole world changed overnight, and it gave us an idea of how we are with sudden change and how to figure out how to maintain contact and engagement. Two of the things that we talked about last time were so important.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Right. And people, everyone's different, and so for some people it wasn't as hard as it was for others.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

You know, yeah, yes, yes. Yeah, different. I mean, some people, for instance, are more extroverted, and some are more introverted, and and some really need in-person, other people have a had a house full of people, and so they didn't necessarily need it. But I know for for me, like just a couple examples there are that I have friends and family all over the world, you being one of them, right? And so the first thing we did was we got our technology set up and we had uh our Zoom account within two weeks of having um of COVID happening. And I ended up having to have my mother's memorial when she died over this type of a broadcast because she happened to die at a time when not even the churches were open. And I was able to engage with my entire family that way and get support. I mean, we just have to come up with these things. Um another thing that happened like I live in an urban area and we love to travel. So when COVID hit, we actually had just gotten rid of a car thinking, okay, we live in an environment we where we don't need a vehicle anymore. And then COVID hit, and suddenly it was like we need a vehicle, it's gonna be the only way we can travel because travel is really high up on our needs that bring joy, and suddenly having one's own private vehicle was the only way to travel. And so we right away went out and bought a car, and thank goodness we did because um a month or so later the price of vehicles skyrocketed because everybody figured out the same thing, and so so that's part of what I want you guys to be thinking about today is what are my most important needs, so that if something suddenly changes, I'm gonna be ready to quickly get that need met. That's what we want you to be thinking about a bit today, and so let's just talk about that ways to make life flexible and creative for the elderly to to to figure out how to maintain that engagement and how to stay connected and and get those needs met. Do you have any thoughts right off, Susie, from working with it?

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Yeah, just to recognize that things happen. And um, I have a lot of experience visiting people from different backgrounds, different demographics, who were isolated because I worked for the Meals on Wheels program. And to be on Meals on Wheels, you don't necessarily have to be low income, you just have to be homebound. In other words, you don't drive anymore, and you can't um necessarily get out and take public transportation that much. So I had a lot of experience dealing with those people, and it was interesting seeing how people dealt with it because it was all over the map. Some people did fine, you know, they had family that would come visit, although that became a big deal during COVID because all of a sudden the people that they had who were supporting them couldn't come over, and that became a problem. But I think at the times when there wasn't COVID, people had different ways. I did see people that I was very, very concerned about who were too isolated and spending too much time doing nothing or watching news on TV, or I mean, you know, spending too much time doing things that did not bring them joy, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

Yeah, because it is possible. I'm thinking in in particular with my creative community and older artist friends that there's nothing they want more than to be alone to do their artwork. And they don't mind being isolated, but maybe they have to make modifications. Like I was thinking of one older friend who he had a studio that he used to go do his art in, and then when COVID hit, it happened to coincide when he was hitting his late 80s. He completely moved his art studio into his living room. His wife had already passed away. He's like, My living room's becoming my studio, and he made it into a studio, and he lived on a single uh story place, and he would get up every morning and have his breakfast and then go into his studio in this one little bungalow that he lived in, and he was in complete joy all day, every day. Yeah, and it was wonderful for him.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

And uh well, if you think about the things that bring people joy, a lot of times it is other people, or it is something that they love doing, whether it be cooking or art or music. One thing about music is that is one thing you can still do when you're alone, even if you don't play music, you can listen to music, and that can bring you know a lot of relaxation, joy. I think for some people, they listen to music that was part of their youth. Yeah, there's been some studies recently that have shown that people who identify with a type of music from their youth, if they listen to it in their older age, it really stimulates a part of their brain that can be very helpful. There's a lot to music therapy for sure.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

Yeah. So hopefully you know at this point the things that bring you joy, and you're gonna figure out how to get that need met. You're gonna figure out how to get that need met. And another thing I remember with music during COVID, I don't know if you remember this, suddenly musicians who were used to playing in public set up like a recording ways in their homes and they were offering concerts online. Yeah, and then there was there was some other thing where they were like they had like artists, musicians all around the world playing the same song, and they figured how to integrate it together, and and they were coming together in that way. So there are creative ways to stay connected, and that we have learned since COVID. And I uh for instance visit a friend in the hospital last week. Guess what? I was in California and he was in Illinois, and we were able to do that through FaceTime over our phones, and he was so happy to see me and have me there with him. So that's nice. So that's one thing that's a little bit lucky about the way technology has changed since since COVID that's helped our generation. And I mean, I live in in an area now where there are driverless cars, so I won't I won't even have to worry about it. And we we now have have uh food delivered to our houses. So I mean Susie can can get that. And if if she needs food to cook for her friends, or if she can't get out in her garden, I don't know. So so think about what are you willing to give up and what is a a deal breaker where you know you have to have that in your life. I mean, when I think about travel, I um travel is pretty high on my list, and and just last year I experimented with train travel, and it was really interesting because there were a lot of people with really limited walking ability who just stayed in their train compartment and loved just traveling across country, just looking out the window, and it it was so interesting to see. And and I have even been in situations where I'm already needing to sometimes order a wheelchair in a large airport for some reason or another, if I'm recovering from an illness or something, and I'll tell you, being wheeled to the airport in a wheelchair, it's like you are the queen of the whole place, and and you you get to bypass security and everything. It's a really it's a really wonderful thing. So I know for sure from my I have a 93-year-old friend who we have very similar interests and tastes, and she has gotten a wheelchair, just uh not she doesn't use it in her in her little small apartment, but she uses it when we go out because she can't walk very far, and she wants to be able to go everywhere. Right. She does go everywhere with that wheelchair, and I know that that'll be on my list. I I if I ever needed it, I'm not gonna be the kind of person who just sits home and never goes anywhere because I can't walk very far. I'll be the person who gets a wheelchair, right? For certain, because I have to be able to go to museums, I have to go hear live music. Those things are important to me.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Um, some people are a little more introverted and they they're happy to read books and and uh stay home more often, I think. But every everybody is different.

SPEAKER_02 12:47

Right. And uh it may be that what brings you joy is uh vis visiting your grandchildren or something, as as you've suggested in the last episode. And so so that's something to think about because maybe when you go visit your grandchildren, it relies on you driving there or it relies on you getting on an airplane or something, and so perhaps the time will come when that's not available, and then uh you have to think about what am I willing to sacrifice? Do I have to see my grandchildren? Do I have to think about relocating, or am I satisfied with seeing my grandchildren over FaceTime and the computer and enjoying my friends' grandchildren who live down the street because I do not want to leave my home. I love it so much. And that those are just like the kind of things that that we need to think about and and plan for.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

I think I think now's a good time to talk about if you can't um access things that you want to access, where do you get help? And um I worked with a senior uh center for the Meals on Wheels program. And they do, you know, most communities have a senior center, first of all. And if there is one in your community, it's a really good place to find resources. Usually they're serving meals, and it's that's a really good way to socialize. They oftentimes um can help you with transportation if you can't drive or can't get there on your own. Um, they also have other agencies. There's something called an area agency on aging, which is very common in communities. I know in our state, um, the one in our our county is called Northwest Regional Council, for instance. And they not only provide resources, but they can hook people up with home health care. And sometimes people qualify to have home health care paid for through Medicare or Medicaid. So you should always try to access those local resources. There's also an agency in art in our community called Bellingham at Home. And basically what it is is you pay a membership, I think it's$300 a year, and then you can have people come to your house and do things for you that you can't do yourself anymore, like change a light bulb or uh clean a gutter or just do things that are too hard for you to do anymore. So there there are resources out there, and I I think it's important that people realize that it's okay to ask for help.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

Yeah. You know, and there's isn't there also a division that the person can come and do some light housekeeping, yes, a little bit of laundry. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Sometimes when I say home health care, what it is oftentimes is not just health care, it's also help with chores. Yeah. You know, they're not allowed to help with pets necessarily, so forget that. But they can help you do simple chores around your house, putting the laundry in or something that has just gotten too hard for you to do. Um, and sometimes people need help bathing.

SPEAKER_02 16:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

You know, they need help getting and out of the tub. Maybe they have a facility in their house for for bathing that is not real conducive to their needs anymore. And it's sometimes very expensive to change that. So then sometimes people need help.

SPEAKER_02 16:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

And I just I think it's important to not be afraid to ask for help.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

Right. And and these things like chores and bathing, you might you you might say to yourself, well, wait, that that's not really bringing joy in my life. But if you think about it, yeah, those things stand in the way of you having the joy in your life because um seniors, when when we're getting overwhelmed with the day-to-day tasks around the house, that becomes this all-consuming nagging problem in our lives. And then that stands in the way of the joy. Like it does. Oh, I can't go out and do this because or I'm embarrassed to have somebody over to my house because it's such a mess. I mean that that's a a thing consideration.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

I mean, just you know, I think about I think about when I've had the flu or something like that, you know, or when I'm very ill, my house can get to be kind of a mess if nobody's around to help me. And think about that if it goes on for months.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

Some people are physically incapable of cleaning their house. So it it can be very hard.

SPEAKER_02 17:33

And then they might not want visitors, even though they want visitors, they'll be embarrassed to have them. And so, of course, get that get that kind of help.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

I just think people need to keep keep on keeping on.

SPEAKER_02 17:46

Yeah, that's what we're doing. So uh keep finding your joy, and please feel free to ask us any questions or yeah, leave a comment. And um, anything else we want to say today, Susan?

SPEAKER_01 18:01

Well, I think it's important to just to realize that things happen to people. You know, we all have things that happen, and and many times there are things that we don't we don't expect to happen. Um, and when they happen, we got to be ready and and just realize that that there are challenges, but we can meet those and we can still find our joy.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

I'm getting a lot of joy out of doing this too, by the way. I am too. I love doing this with you, Susie, and we're gonna keep doing it. And um you want to tell people about life.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

Yeah, look, be sure and like and subscribe and and and leave any comments or tell us uh what you think.

SPEAKER_02 18:40

Yes. And until then, until next time, we are staying alive.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

You've been listening to Staying Alive with Margaret and Susie. This show is hosted by Margaret Cooley and Susie Hymas. To subscribe to our show, leave a comment or ask a question. Please visit staying alive with MargaretandSusie.com. Our podcast is available on all major podcast platforms. If you've enjoyed our program, please feel free to leave us a five star review. Thanks for listening.