Built to Belong: The Importance of Community

Margaret and Susy celebrate the healing power of community and why the people in our lives are essential to our wellbeing.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Hosted and Produced by Margaret Cooley and Susy Hymas

Produced, Edited & Designed by Wil Guilfoyle

Music by Luke Paquin

Marketing Manager Hazel Seagrave

Voice Talent Marlene Gordon

https://www.stayingalivewithmargaretandsusy.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

The following is for informational purposes only. For medical advice, please see a medical professional.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

Welcome to Staying Alive with Margaret and Susie. And today we are going to talk about building local community. As you guys know, Susie and I are totally like family, but we live thousands of miles apart. And so even though we'd really love to be together every day and go hiking and go on marches together if they happen, or bring each other soup if we're sick, or hold each other's hands if something scary happens. Like we we don't have that because uh we live so far apart, and everybody needs that in their lives. And we may have it like from one significant other, but you know what we're finding as we age, you know, that old saying, it takes a village to raise a child. You know what? That can take village period that increases tenfold when you're getting into the elder care. Like there's so many things that we need help with. And so we're gonna get into that. And um, so we need those people in our lives. We just do, we do, we do. And uh Susie and I are gonna talk about that today. Anything you want to say off the bat the bat here?

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Well, I just think it's important because we all know that social connection has a lot to do with health as we age. That's what all the all the literature says. One of the first things they say in preventing dementia or just staying healthy is to have social connection. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

Yeah, that's why we're talking about it. And I was thinking about the way it was when my parents were growing up and getting into their adulthood. It was always in my ancestry, it was always like the church ladies, really. It really was, and that's where my mother made all her friends when she first moved to a new town when we were young children, and that's the way it was. And then my my dad was a vet, and so yeah, you go, you'd go to you'd go to the American Legion or the Moose Lodge, or like, wait, what was the what's the place in Bellingham that we used to have music?

SPEAKER_01 2:36

BFWs, the VFWs, the Eagles, Eagles.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Eagles. I I don't I don't know what the Moose Moose Lodge or the Eagles is, but like we went there and then and that's the way you met your your neighbors.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

And that wasn't that wasn't the case where I grew up. I mean my parents, we weren't big churchgoers, but my my parents had a a pretty big social life. My dad was in the koanas, and um they had lots of friends and they I don't know what the koanas is, but I mean this is another philanthropic uh community organization, you know, where and they do a lot of good things in communities.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

Um my husband's parents were really into the scouts, they were like the cub man, the cub masters, the scout masters. They took the kids on my dad the camping trips. Yeah, so like there's all those other kinds of things, like as your kids are getting older, and yeah, then there are the things that you're interested in, because um that that's the place to go to to find help too and find friends. And I guess when you're when you're kids, you might make your connections at school.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

But sure. And when you're in college, you make connections at college. And sometimes when you're a young parent, you make connections with other people who have children. That's what I found. I ended up, you know, hanging out with my friends who had ch who's also had children.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

And that was good, you know.

SPEAKER_02 4:07

Now I know there's some concern nowadays that real friendship is being replaced by AI and like social media.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

Uh you think that's true for older people though?

SPEAKER_02 4:19

It depends. Like if there's a mental health issue, I'm not so sure. There was an article in The Guardian last week about a man who got divorced and lost all his money because there are now scams with AI where he knew it was an AI relationship, but the the woman kept saying, You're making me real or something, and he like completely dumped his wife for the AI. Well, that sounds like dementia to me. And and then and then the AI woman talked him into investing all his money somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

So that's so sad.

SPEAKER_02 4:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

So well, that just speaks to loneliness, doesn't it? Yeah. And it does it. And and I remember seeing something one day, the loneliness loneliness is everything that's cracked up to be. And and so it's so important to figure out ways that you can make a social connection.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

Yeah. And so it can start very well with what are your common interests? Like I've always been in involved in interested in health. So you know what? I've been a YMCA member my whole entire adult life. And as I reflect back, yeah, that's where I made made my walking partners because I have moved and lived in a lot of different places. Like Susie still lives in the same place we went to college 50 years ago. I have had to be a little more creative in making new friends everywhere I went.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Well, I for a while I lived for seven years in Oregon, and to be honest with you, that's what I missed living there was the social connection because it was in a community that I felt like didn't have the connections that I have living here.

SPEAKER_02 6:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

Yeah. So YMCA, that was one for me. And then um I'm interested in local politics. So I usually get involved in my local club or around that. And and then there's like the art stuff, like I often join a writing group. I had like a friend who was an artist, and I did all my museum stuff with with him, everything. And he's no longer living. And I was like, I need a new museum, buddy. And uh I thought of this woman I know at the Y, and I was like, she's an artist and she loves the museum. And sure enough, I was like, Do you want to go to the new exhibit, Carmen? She's like, Yeah, let's go. So yeah, so whatever interests you like, what kinds of groups are you involved in, Susie?

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Well, I'm in a book group. I've been in a book group for over 25 years, and so I've got that, and I have a oh, a friend that I walk with pretty um, we used to walk like almost every day, but we both are busy. So we, you know, we get in usually a week, uh, one or two walks a week. And that's a good, really good way to make connections. I'm also a member of the Y off and on. My husband and I are also part of a neighborhood association, which actually um got formed when there was an issue in our neighborhood with uh development, and so the neighborhood formed a neighborhood association. Now in our town, there is actually a neighborhood association in every neighborhood, and that's a really good way to meet your neighbors and get involved in things. Um they have regular meetings, and and we're also part of a uh community meal program that we do once a month at that's at a local church. But um, you know, I think it's sad that people sometimes don't even know their neighbors, you know. It's like, and that I think that's important. I'm really fortunate in that um I know everybody on my street pretty much, and I'm glad that I do.

SPEAKER_02 8:09

You know what my dad used to do? He used to go cut the neighbors' grass. Oh, like he was a good guy, you know. He's like, Yeah, I mean he he liked to have a nice yard, you too, you know. He's but he's really into yard work. So he's like, I can cut the neighbor's grass, and and he he made friends very quickly. I mean, they lived in the same place for more than 60 years, but then it became a suburb where people moved in and out, and depending on how business has changed and everything. And so every few years he'd get a new neighbor and he'd go he'd go knock on the door and introduce himself, you know. So that's really nice.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

Yeah, it is, it's a good way to to meet people. And I I do think I think people during COVID became isolated and a little bit more, of course, because we had to. And I think it hasn't really opened up as much as it could it was before then. I think people kind of got used to being isolated. My friend and I were talking this morning about how back in the 70s and the 80s, how our friends used to just drop by. And I don't know if it was our age or if it was just the time, you know, and I really miss that. Um the old days when people, oh, it's Margaret, she's coming over, you know, just to hang out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

And I I live in a city that's kind of more of a it's kind of known as a cafe culture as I think about it. There was years ago, Michael Moore did a movie where he came came here and he's like in the coffee shop. He's like, Do any of these people work? Like everyone in the whole town is in the coffee shop all day long. And um, if I go visit my son in LA, like there's certain coffee shops where all the screenwriters are and they've got their laptops out, and they're like they're networking with each other madly. And uh yeah, my husband, as you know, is from England. The pub culture there, it's really important for community. Like every neighborhood has its pub, not because it's like heavy drinking, but that's where you go.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

That's where you can connect.

SPEAKER_02 10:22

That's where you go to connect.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

My husband just recently joined a coffee group with some friends of his, and he goes every Wednesday morning and has coffee with these guys, you know, and loves it. And that's so good. I was really encouraging it because I think it's important. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:38

So um, we want to end up with talking about when you're a senior, if you're maybe like a little less mobile or you feel like it's harder to meet friends or whatever, then what do you do? Then then what do you do?

unknown 10:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

And uh Susie's been really involved with the senior center. Um and so do you want to talk about a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_01 11:02

There's there's ways that you can get involved if you're having a hard time getting out there and making social connections. And one of them is a senior center course. Most communities have a senior center, and so there's lots of opportunities to go there and meet people. Usually there's a meal. Um and most places have what's called an area agency on aging, which is provide social services and connect you can connect you to social services if you're having a hard time with with connecting. Maybe you need some counseling, or maybe you need help with transportation, or maybe you need some home health work. Um, there those can be really helpful. Also, volunteering is a way. Maybe, you know, I know at our senior center, they're always looking for volunteers. Volunteers, even to help set tables at lunch or greet people, um, uh, stand at the counter and answer questions. I mean, it it doesn't have to be anything really difficult to do. You know, there's a lot of places and there's a lot of places in a community to volunteer. And it's a wonderful way to meet people because most people, when they're working in their working years, they met a lot of people that way. Yeah. That's a sort of, you know, I remember when I was working full time, I would come home and I'd be sort of burned out. You know, I'm with people all day long, talking, talking, talking. And I remember I never wanted to get on the computer at home because I just, you know, I I actually am a little bit more of an introvert. I'm happy being, I didn't realize that until I got older, but I I sort of regroup by being alone. Uh huh.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

Right.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

And I think I think it's important to kind of figure that out for yourself, yeah, whether or not you're an introvert or an extrovert. And by that, I mean extroverts are people that really get their energy from being around other people.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

Whereas introverts get need need to kind of regroup every once in a while and get their own, you know, create their own energy.

SPEAKER_02 13:06

Yeah. So let's talk about that because I have a friend who's an extreme introvert and she's 78 years old, and she now needs a lot of things, and she feels overwhelmed about it. And she uh she just needs a lot of support. And uh, as her friends are starting to to die and everything, uh it's a little overwhelming because I feel like, gee, I can't do everything for her. Like she wants me to pick her up from the doctor's office and get her up the three flights of stairs. It's like, oh, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know if I'm the best person for the job here. Yeah, um, so we need to think about that what when we're we're getting up in years, and there's so many different services out there. And my my friends who are good at getting the support, I noticed that they are totally hooked into their senior centers. Totally. And in within those senior centers, there's services, you can get lunch every day. There's a social worker can who can help you with things. Um connect you with resources, yeah. Yeah, connect you with all the resources that you need.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

You can play games. Our senior center has all kinds of games like bridge and mahjong and chess, and and they even there's a there's some foreign language going on. Like um, they were telling me that there's a a group that gets together and does scrabble in French.

SPEAKER_02 14:42

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

I mean, you know, there's all kinds of fun things going on there, and it's it's important to be open to that. It's not good to totally isolate yourself, right?

SPEAKER_02 14:53

And and even if you're introverted and you're perfectly happy at home, get connected with your senior center just to meet the social worker so that you know that person by name and you can call them when you need something. My parents, when they like come home from a surgery or something, they call the senior center and the senior center would show up with walkers and you know everything that they needed.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

And even if your senior center can't do things, they can connect you with the people who can. Yeah, that's the way it works. In our community, I know it's the Lions Club that helps people with handicap equipment.

SPEAKER_02 15:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Um, and it's it's the um Northwest Regional Council, which is our area agency on aging, that connects you with home health care.

SPEAKER_02 15:41

Oh, that's good.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

And you can figure out home health care through um through your doctor's office and such too.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Sure, yeah. You know, and when you have a medical thing going on, always remember that hospitals have medical social workers. I'm going through something right now and I've already found all kinds of support at the doctor's offices. They have support people. I think that a lot of doctor's offices have finally figured out that if they have kind of a nurse manager, not a receptionist, not a nurse, but somebody who can kind of coordinate care and call people for the doctor, it makes things go so much smoother.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

And I hope that that's happening in other communities because it's really been uh noticeably happening here and it's very helpful. Oh, that's good. Because the doctors don't have time to make phone calls. You know, they're busy.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

Yeah. And then for more like companionship kinds of things, if you're affiliated with uh uh some religion, they often have organizations. They have people that will show up and they'll bring like holiday meals to people and come and visit them on holidays if they're if they don't have anyone to visit them. And then there's another uh organization that's not religious affiliation, and it was formerly called Little Brothers, like the play on Big Brothers for for children, little um little brothers, but it's now called Friends of the Elderly. Oh, yeah. And so look that up um and see. I know that they're a nationwide organization, and what they provide is in in-person visits for companionship. And you know what they found that seniors most want? Tech help.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I can believe that. Exactly that.

SPEAKER_02 17:39

Look and see if they have one in your town, and they'll come over and give you tech help.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Well, and always remember that the Meals on Wheels program is designed to bring meals to people who are homebound. They don't have to be low income, they only have to be homebound. So if you can't drive, if you can't get out of your house, even for a temporary uh period of time, um, meals on wheels can deliver meals to you at very low or no cost. They can connect you with resources as well. Um, in our community, the Meals on Wheels program would deliver seven frozen meals a week. And sometimes for people who were they couldn't cook because of a disability or something, they bring a hot meal every day. So so all communities have those programs.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

Oh, that's great.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Yeah, and that's a way to, you know, make a connection, you know, with people.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

Yeah. I mean, I remember you said when you didn't you sometimes do delivery for meals.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

No, I did home visits. Once in a while they had me do delivery, but most of the time I did home visits for to check on people's eligibility and to see how they're doing follow-up so and so I was out in the community a lot. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

Yeah, that's what I remember that it included home visits, yeah, which is really great.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Yeah, and that was um it was it was good. I was in all kinds of different places, yeah. Yeah, yeah, met all kinds of people.

SPEAKER_02 19:08

Well, I think that just about covers why why we feel it's important for your health in every way to build local community.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

And if you can't get out there, get somebody to come in.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

Any anything else you want to say today on that?

SPEAKER_01 19:26

Um no, I only the only thing I can think of is that not to rely too much on um the computer just for companionship. You know, people do Facebook and like you were saying, AI kind of things. Yeah, those things aren't necessarily real social connections. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

As far as I know, the computer can't make chicken soup for you if you have a cold. I I don't think you know can't give you a hug.

SPEAKER_01 19:55

Can't give you a hug.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

This guy who who got divorced, he thought that he can get that, but you know, uh, it didn't work out, I don't think. Yeah, so sad.

SPEAKER_01 20:08

So sad. Well, great. So this has been wonderful, and I hope that um this is helpful to people. Yeah, be sure and um when you listen, like and subscribe, and you can listen on different platforms YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, you know, and check out our website, which is staying alive with Margaret and Susie, S U S Y dot com.

SPEAKER_02 20:35

Yeah, that's great. And until next time, we will be staying alive.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

You've been listening to Staying Alive with Margaret and Susie. This show is hosted by Margaret Cooley and Susie Hymas. To subscribe to our show, leave a comment, or ask a question, please visit staying alive with margaretandsuzy.com. Our podcast is available on all major podcast platforms. If you've enjoyed our program, please feel free to leave us a five star review. Thanks for listening.