How to Get Your Spark Back

Episode 38: Today, I’m talking about something I think so many of us experience at different points in life: feeling disconnected from ourselves and like we’ve lost our spark. Maybe you’re burnt out, stuck in the monotony of everyday life, overwhelmed by responsibilities, or just not where you thought you’d be by now. I share the things that have genuinely helped me reconnect with myself again and realizing that not everything in life needs to happen overnight. This episode is your reminder that life ebbs and flows, and you are not meant to stay in a funk forever.

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Transcript

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What's up, guys? Welcome back to the podcast. Today I want to talk about how to get your spark back. There are definitely periods of time where we are in a funk and we don't feel like ourselves. I know that this has happened to me a number of times, honestly, throughout the last year especially, but I want to talk to you about how to get out of that feeling. Because when we are in a good state of mind and we feel like we are on top of the world and everything is just going right, we're emitting just such a better vibration. And I feel like we attract better opportunities to ourself when our vibration and our state of mind are at a good place. We're just going to see more of that in the world. Versus if we don't have our spark and we are in a funk, we're probably just going to keep seeing more of that kind of negative stuff around us and getting stuck in this place, which we don't want to be in. And I'm not talking about depression. Depression is something totally different, something that I can't just give you some tips for and that you're going to get over it. Does not work like that. So not talking about that. I'm more so talking about when you just kind of feel like you're not yourself. You're not your happy, upbeat, normal self. You just feel off and you just want to get back to feeling like the person that you are. The reason for you losing your spark could be a number of things. Maybe you are burnt out from your job or you're overworked as a caretaker. Maybe you're a parent or a caretaker of your parents. Who knows? You could be going through a rough patch in your relationship or your marriage, or maybe you just aren't where you thought you would be at this point in your life. Or maybe it's all of those together or something totally different. The good news is that life ebbs and flows, and you are not going to stay in a funk forever. You are definitely going to get your spark back, but I'm hoping that this episode is going to give you some tips that will help you get out of your funk faster. Welcome to where the woo meets the work. I'm your host, Kayla. It's time to get out of your head, into your soul, and do the work that lights you up so you can align with your highest self and actually create the life you've been dreaming about. Let's get into the tips about how to get your spark back. First, I just want to say that honestly, just doing the things that we all know that we should be doing, like getting enough water, eating balanced meals, having whole foods, going to bed on time, waking up on time, all of that kind of stuff is very helpful. So definitely start there if you're not already doing those things. But if you are doing those things and you're taking care of yourself in that way and you still feel like you don't have your spark, this episode is for you. So I'm going to give you tips about what to do if you do not have your spark right now and how to get it back. The first one that I want to talk to you guys about is taking time for yourself. Whenever I'm not feeling like myself and I'm not feeling like my best self and things just feel off, the first thing that I always gravitate towards doing is taking some time for myself by scheduling a day to do nothing. A day where you can just sit in your pajamas all day long, watch TV, journal, or maybe go to the spa, get a massage, spend some alone time, go to the park with a book, or even go to the movies alone, whatever it is. You can do whatever you want, but just having a day where you can just kind of sit with yourself and be like, okay, why am I even feeling like this? What is going on? Just taking time to examine everything in your life and seeing where things are falling through the cracks and how you even got to this point. If you have a lot of responsibilities or kids or something like that, and you're thinking, there's no way that I can even schedule a day to do nothing, I do want to challenge that because if you have kids, you could always hire a babysitter. It is going to cost money, but it is possible. Or if you don't have the money for that, you could ask a loved one to help you out, or you could swap with a friend, maybe be like, hey, can you watch my kid this weekend on Saturday for the day? And then I will watch your kids the next weekend. Something like that. Just be creative. There is a way to figure it out. So yeah, take some time for yourself and get clear on why you're feeling this way. I also think just having time alone and having time to do nothing where no one expects anything of you, and you just have time to do the things that you want to do is such a key part in getting your spark back. When we are always doing things for other people because we have to, we have responsibilities, we have jobs, we have kids, we have parents, whatever, that can be so consuming of our energy. And no wonder why sometimes we don't have our spark and we don't feel like ourselves because we aren't getting enough time to spend on ourselves or doing what we want to do. My next tip is to create novelty. Change your environment in some way, maybe change your routine, go to a different coffee shop than you normally do, wake up at a different time, watch a kind of movie or read a kind of book that you normally never would. Just having experiences that are different in your life, I think sometimes can wake you up from the boring, monotonous life that sometimes we get stuck in when we go to work, do the same thing every day, come home, maybe make dinner, spend time with our family, go to bed, repeat, do it all again tomorrow. Sometimes when we're feeling kind of dull and not like ourselves and just bored, it's because we need more novelty in our life. We need more experiences and new things and things that we can actually get excited about. The novelty doesn't have to be huge. It can literally be as simple as some of the things I was saying, you know, like choosing a different coffee shop than the one you normally go to. Or maybe if you go on a walk daily, choose a different path, go a different way, go to a different place to do your walk. Or if you work out, do a different workout. If you normally do weightlifting, maybe go to a Pilates class or a spin class. Just ways that you are going to challenge yourself to get out of the boring, mundane thing that you do every day and create some more whimsy, some more excitement into your day-to-day life. Kind of along the same lines as creating novelty, I would also suggest if you are struggling and you really want to get your spark back, to have some type of reset or a new beginning in your life. This could be as huge as moving to a new city, but it definitely does not have to be. Whenever I have been in a funk, I have not moved to a new city, I do something a little more sustainable and not super impulsive. So maybe the kind of reset that you need is going somewhere for a weekend, maybe going somewhere that you can drive to. It's only a couple hours away, but that can just get your mind off of things and put things into perspective for you. Or maybe your reset does need to be kind of a bigger thing. Maybe you want to quit your job and find a new job or end your relationship and see what life's like on your own. But I really think that we can have smaller resets, new beginnings. And a reset could look even something like maybe this week my reset will be taking care of my body. I'm going to eat only whole foods, I'm going to cut out sugar, I'm going to start working out. And maybe this doesn't last forever, but there's something about changing up your routine and doing something crazy that can shake you out of the funk that you were in. My next tip is to create more than you consume. We often consume so much, whether that's through social media or TV or the news or movies or books or podcasts. We're just always consuming. And when we do that, when we are always consuming instead of creating anything, I think it kind of makes sense that we sometimes feel like we don't have our spark, that we're not our normal happy selves because we're just being inundated with other people's thoughts, other people's creations. So I would highly recommend creating more than you are consuming. And you can create things in a number of ways. If that means cooking your own food or starting a garden or writing a book or starting a craft, maybe making your own clothes, knitting something, or taking photos on an actual camera instead of your phone with no intention of post them on social media. You're just creating to create. But now I feel like as an adult, and maybe it's just me, but I feel like we often only do things if we're going to make money at them or if there's some type of social validation or social benefit that we get from doing these things. How about instead of that, just doing things for the joy of it, not for the validation, not for money, and just letting yourself be a beginner at something again, where it doesn't matter if you suck. It doesn't matter if you're completely terrible at the thing because, first of all, no one has to know. You can do this thing by yourself. You don't have to show it in front of anyone. But even if they do, you've already decided you're not trying to monetize it, you're not trying to gain anything from it except for enjoying the process of the thing. I've been doing this lately with pottery. It's something totally new to me. I did take a pottery class in high school, but I really was not present for it. So to me, it's brand new, and it's been really great because I haven't been putting tons of pressure on myself to be really good at it. I will say I just made a mug and the handle totally cracked, and I don't think it's salvageable. So bummer, but it's okay. You know, I'm letting myself be a beginner at something again, and I'm doing something just because it's fun, just because I actually enjoy doing it. And that is helping me get my spark back. So, what are some things that you could do that you could let yourself be a total beginner at? Maybe these are things that are kind of adjacent to what you like doing as a child. Perhaps as a child you were really into fashion. How could you let yourself be a beginner at something related to fashion again? Maybe you buy a sewing machine and you take some sewing classes just for the joy of it, just for fun, no expectation on the other side of it. But having hobbies that are not related to making money or to anything like that is so good for the soul. Another thing you can do to help get your spark back is to work on a side project. For me, one of my big side projects is this podcast. It's something that is fun for me, it's a way to express myself. And at this point in recording and putting these out, I don't really have any expectations or pressure on myself. I'm not concerned with getting a certain number of listeners or ads or anything like that, making money off of it. I just do it because I enjoy it. It's a fun side project for me. And maybe one day that will change. But something like that for you. What is something that you could work on that would fulfill you personally? Maybe it could be writing a novel or writing a screenplay or starting a backyard project, maybe doing a home renovation. There are so many things that could be great for you. But I think with the side project specifically, it's kind of more than a hobby. Some of the things I listed were hobbies, but a side project is something that is maybe a little bit bigger than that that you can work towards and also maybe something that can be completed. I know that my podcast is not something to be completed, but when I think of things like a book or home renovation, things like that, something that you can spend time on outside of work that brings you joy, that fulfills you in some way. Another thing that can help you get your spark back is having things to look forward to. Maybe you're just stuck in your routine right now and the monotony of life and how boring it can get. So having things on your calendar or even just mentally that you're thinking of that you can look forward to can be huge and can be something that keeps you going on the tough days too. Maybe it's a trip that you have planned that you're excited about and you can't wait to plan all the things for your trip. Maybe it's someone's birthday that's coming up. Maybe they're having a milestone birthday and you're excited for it. Or maybe it's even just the changing of seasons. I know we have summer coming up, and in a lot of places, summer is the best time of year. Maybe you're super excited for the picnics and the pool parties and the barbecues that you're gonna do, or maybe your kids have time off of school, so you're excited about a road trip you're going to take, or hobbies and things that you guys are going to start doing together. Whatever it is, it is so important to have these things to look forward to. Because even though life is only what we're experiencing right now, it's only ever the present moment. There are definitely things in the future that you can get excited about. And there is this statistic, I can't remember it off the top of my head, but it was saying something about how, for instance, when you're planning a trip, the actual excitement and anticipation of the trip is usually more fulfilling or makes people feel better than the actual trip itself. So having things to look forward to like that is a big part of us actually enjoying the things, is having all of that anticipation leading up to it. Next is to stop overscheduling yourself, stop stuffing your calendar, and stop making plans with people out of obligation. When our schedules are jam-packed and we don't feel like we have any room to breathe or any room to get things done that we actually want to do because it's full of obligations and social things, work things, all of these things. It's hard to feel completely like ourselves because we're just going and going and running on fumes and we just want a break, you know? So I really encourage you to stop overscheduling yourself and leave some actual white space on your calendar. And maybe you need to put that into your calendar. That is something I do. For instance, this Sunday, I have it blocked off on my calendar. I literally write house troll day and I block off the whole day because I don't want anyone creeping in there and stealing my time for myself. And I know that if I don't put those things in, if I just have a totally blank calendar with the exception of, you know, appointments and work and things like that, then the white spaces are going to get filled by other people, other things, because I'm like, oh, I'm not busy. Sure, let's put that in there. But then when the time comes, I am feeling so busy, so overworked, overwhelmed, and burnt out. And I just want to stay home and do nothing. Instead of that, get in the habit of just not overscheduling yourself by putting in some time for yourself in your calendar. And of course, similarly to that, stop making plans with people out of obligation. Is there anyone in your life where you're like, you know, I don't even really like them that much? I don't really even like when I hang out with them. It feels more like an obligation just because we've known each other for so long, or maybe they're related to you, or something like that, where for some reason you feel like you have to see them and you have to hang out with them. You don't. I don't care who it is. I don't care if it's your mom, if it's your dad, whoever it is, you do not have to hang out with them. If they are draining your soul and taking your spark from you, you do not have to hang out with them. Honestly, that could be a whole nother podcast episode, but just putting that out there as your permission slip. If there's someone in your life who's taking from you and not pouring into you a good way to get your spark back, is to stop seeing them so much. My next one is to try to make your home feel special and like your safe space. We spend a good amount of our time at home, usually. We spend a lot of time at work and then probably the rest of our time at home when we're not doing social things. So I think it's so important for our home to feel like a reflection of ourselves and to feel like it's our safe place where we're safe from the world, safe from all of the obligations, responsibilities, people that are waiting for us outside of these walls. And I think having your home feeling special in ways to you is a great way to let your spark come back a bit. This is going to look different for everyone. I actually just met these two people last night who were buying something from us because my husband's getting rid of a number of things. They bought this Star Wars banner that my husband had, and they were telling us how they're crazy Star Wars fans and how the wife is a Snow White fan, and they have all of these things in their house to make it feel more like them. And even though that is not my cup of tea, I am not a Snow White fan. I'm also not a Star Wars fan. And I use the term fan very literally. Like I like Star Wars, but I'm not a fan because I'm not a fanatic about it. For them, it totally works and it makes them feel good in their house. So, what would make you feel good in your home? Maybe it's having a collection that you like on display, or maybe it's having more of a clean, minimalist space. Maybe your home is super messy and that's stressing you out. Just having your home reflect who you are and who you want to be, I think can really help you get your spark back. Because for me, environments play such a huge part in my happiness. I kind of wish that it didn't work like that. I wish I could just thrive wherever I was. And maybe I can if I try really hard, but I know that having an environment that I feel good in helps so much. I'm actually really excited because my husband and I are going to be doing some home projects in the near future. We're adding a home theater to our garage, which probably sounds crazy, but we have a three-car garage and our third spot is a tandem spot. So we're turning that third spot into a home theater. That's mostly for my husband. Like he's very excited about it. I don't really care about having that. But what I am excited about is then once that happens, we're going to make our living room more of an aesthetic, beautiful area, which is great to me. I'm super excited for that. And then we're also going to be moving our dining table to a different location and then having our dining area be another kind of room that we can have fun in. We can have more people, we're going to have more seating, we're going to have a custom bookshelf made, all of these things so that our home just feels more like us and it's more optimized to doing the things we want to do, like entertaining, having fun. So I just want to share that with you because I'm really excited for that. And I honestly think that has been a part of getting my spark back, a small part, but knowing that my home is going to represent me and my interests more is huge. And also it's having something to look forward to. So I'm excited for that. Another way to get your spark back is to learn that it's okay to quit things that you don't enjoy. If you are reading a book that is not that great, it's kind of mediocre, you can stop reading it. Or you're watching a TV show that was amazing for the first season, but the second season is super boring or just not the same show that you fell in love with, it's okay to stop watching it. I used to be the person that I thought if I started reading a book, I have to finish it because I started, I don't want to be a quitter and I want to be able to, I don't know, put my review on Goodreads and say that I finished reading it. But as I've grown, I realized we only have so much time on this planet. I don't have enough time to be finishing shitty books, finishing shitty TV shows, and neither do you. Or maybe it's something bigger. Maybe it's not just the book or the TV show. Maybe you hate your job and you really want to quit it because you don't enjoy it. Or perhaps you started a hobby, maybe you started playing pickleball with friends, but you realized you don't really like it. It is okay to quit those things. Of course, if you quit your job, I hope that you have something else lined up. Don't just blindly quit. But you know, it kind of reminds me how I took a sabbatical from my wedding photography career because I was so burnt out and I wasn't enjoying it. And I was able to try new things, and that was great. It was really good for me. And even though I'm going back, I really needed that time to just figure out what I wanted to do with my life. But I know that a lot of people who are perfectionists or high achievers, sometimes it can be hard to quit things, even if you aren't enjoying them, because we're taught that we're always supposed to finish what we start and quitters or losers, all of that. Honestly, I think quitting can actually be a good thing. I think if you know you don't like something or it's not working out, quit fast because then you can pivot, you can do something else, and not waste your time. The last tip that I have for you guys for getting your spark back is to stop chasing fast success. I think a lot of us want everything right away. We want to lose 20 pounds by tomorrow. We want to have the new job. We want to become an influencer and have all these followers, we want to become rich, whatever it is, we want all of these things and we want them very fast. But we need to realize that good things take time. Anything that you're working towards, anything that's actually worth working towards is probably going to take a while. And if it didn't, everyone would have it and then it wouldn't be so special, it wouldn't be worth it. So if you're feeling in a funk because you aren't where you want to be in life, maybe your career isn't where you want it to be, your love life isn't where you want it to be, maybe you don't have as many friends as you're hoping, whatever it is that you are going through. I think that this can apply to all of them, that you need to just slow down and stop expecting results right away because good things are coming, they are on the way. You just have to keep working towards it and realize that all of these good things take time. With that, my last one for you is to celebrate the little wins along the way. Even though success can take a while in whatever department you're working on, there are definitely going to be little wins coming along the way that if you celebrate them while they are happening, I think that's a huge part in getting your spark back. We often want these big milestones, big things to happen for us to feel good about ourselves, but don't forget to celebrate the little wins because usually a big thing doesn't just happen overnight. It's the accumulation of all of the little things that we've been doing. So whether it's you waking up when you wanted to today, or going on that walk that you said you would, or not eating after 8:30 p.m. because you make bad decisions in the kitchen after that time. Celebrate those little wins because they are helping you become the person that you want to be. And when we celebrate these little wins, I think that we are training our mind to keep looking for the good, to keep looking for little wins, whether it's from us or from other people, from our environment. And it helps us stay in a more positive mindset. Okay, those are all of my tips for you guys about how to get your spark back. If you have been in a funk and not feeling like yourself, I really hope that this podcast episode helps you. Don't forget, of course, to do the basic things. Don't forget to water yourself, get sunlight, you're basically a plant. But hopefully, if you're already doing those things, I hope something in here is also beneficial for you. Thank you so much, and I will see you all next week.