Why Wanting Nice Things Doesn’t Make You “Less Spiritual”

Episode 39: Today, I talk about one of the biggest misconceptions around spirituality: the idea that wanting nice things somehow makes you “less spiritual.” We’re diving into the difference between desire and attachment, why craving external things can create suffering, and why spirituality and enjoying the material world don’t actually have to be opposites.If you’ve ever felt guilt around wanting success, luxury, money, or a beautiful life while also being deeply spiritual, this episode is for you.

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Transcript

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What's up guys? Welcome back to the podcast. We are long overdue for an episode around spirituality, so today I wanted to chat all about why wanting nice things doesn't make you less spiritual. If you're on a spiritual path, maybe you've been thinking how you shouldn't want the things that you currently want, you should be satisfied with what you already have, and how it's not spiritual to want things like designer bags or sports cars or a big house or things like that. Or maybe you are not spiritual at all, and maybe you know someone who is, and you think, you know, if they are so spiritual, why are they wealthy? Why do they want all of these things? Why do they have all of these things? So I wanted to break it down to you today about why you can be both spiritual and want nice things, and honestly, just wanting things in general, both can coexist at the same time. I was actually outlining an episode just about myths around spirituality, and this was the first one that I was writing down about how people think that if you're spiritual, you can't want material things or enjoy material things. And then I was going to start writing other spiritual myths, and then I realized, wow, this one needs its own episode. But before we get into it, I want to remind you if you have been enjoying this podcast, please hit subscribe so that you never miss an episode. And if you want the podcast to grow and stay around, the best thing that you can do is tell a friend about it. Word of mouth is seriously the best way for this podcast to expand to new listeners. So please feel free to text this, DM this podcast to someone that you love or that you think would enjoy this. Now let's get into the episode. Welcome to where the woo meets the work. I'm your host, Kayla. It's time to get out of your head, into your soul, and do the work that lights you up so you can align with your highest self and actually create the life you've been dreaming about. Many people seem to think that spirituality and materialism are complete opposites or two extremes. So it must be impossible to be both spiritual and materially minded at the same time. That if you want to be spiritual, you must abandon or completely oppose material possessions or comforts, and you can't enjoy or be both. I know that when I was first interested in spirituality when I was much, much younger, I definitely had this idea for a bit. And I kind of romanticized the idea of going off into the Himalayans and unplugging from technology, from society, becoming a Buddhist nun. That was literally a thought for like one second. And I thought that that might be the path to spirituality and to really strengthen my spiritual mindset, my relationship with source. But I just honestly don't think that that is true. I think that is one path. There are so many paths to spirituality, but for most people, you do not need to do that. You can definitely enjoy the worldly comforts, you can enjoy nice things, and you can still be completely spiritual at the same time. I think that we need to go back to what it means to be spiritual, first of all, because maybe you're a little confused what that even means. My definition of spirituality is experiencing and connecting to a power that's greater than myself, which also brings me home to myself. I call this power source, but many people call it God. You can call it whatever you want, you can call it spirit, universe, whatever feels good to you, but source is what really resonates with me. And I believe that spirituality is about getting closer to this, getting closer to the sacred and having a relationship with the divine. But it is also my basic philosophy of life and how I live and engage with the world. But I'm not going to go too into what spirituality is because I already recorded a whole episode on this. If you're interested more in what spirituality is, listen to episode two, What is spirituality coming out of the spiritual closet, and I will link it in the show notes. But I just wanted to quickly outline and remind you what spirituality is so that way we can kind of compare it to materialism. So materialism is the belief that money and possessions are the most important things in life. I am not talking about that for the purposes of this episode. Obviously, we all know that that is bullshit, that that is not the true meaning of life, it's not the most important thing. I am talking just about enjoying material things. And there is a big difference between enjoying material things and being materialistic. You can enjoy the comforts of your home, your car, the clothes in your closet, anything like that that you own. You can enjoy these things without making them be the most important things in your life. But I think the reason why this gets brought up in the spiritual community about people maybe not being able to enjoy material things while being on a spiritual path is because sometimes people end up valuing material possessions more than is good for them. They become married to the idea of needing to make more money so that they have to work harder, put their friends and family on the back burner, climb the corporate ladder just to make more, make more so they can buy more, consume more. And yeah, that is definitely not spiritual because it's taking you away from yourself. It's taking you away from source, it's taking you away from all of the things that actually matter in life. So there is a good reason why the spiritual community is kind of hesitant, nervous around material possessions, because it is so easy to get caught up in them. But it's actually never about these material things themselves. It is always your attitude around them, what you think about them, your relationship to them, how you feel. The material things themselves are actually completely neutral. And we know this because I could like one thing. Perhaps maybe I like a modern home, but you don't. That is not your style, you have no interest in it, and maybe you like a Victorian home, which is not my style. So we know that the material things themselves are not what's driving us. It's not the material thing that is evil or bad or anything like that. It is our perception of the material thing and our wanting of that thing. Now, with wanting, let's talk about the difference between desire and attachment, because there is an important distinction for this. And desire is simply just wanting something, which is totally fine. You can desire many, many things and have no problems with that. Whereas attachment is feeling like we need something. When you're attached to something, you feel like you have to have what you desire to be happy. As an example, let's say that I want a sports car. In the past, I used to think that I wanted the Audi R8. If you know what that is, it is a gorgeous sports car. And I used to have it on my vision board because I thought that I wanted this. And honestly, it doesn't matter if I wanted it or not. But for the example, let's say that I desire this Audi R8. If I desire the Audi R8 and I get it, that is great. But if I don't get it, that's okay too. That is just having the Audi R8 as a desire. I wouldn't let it affect me. I wouldn't get upset or emotional or make it mean anything about me if I could never afford or buy the R8. But let's say instead that I am attached to getting the R8. Then I feel like I must have it, or I'm going to be sad if I don't and I will suffer. It's important to realize the distinction between desire and attachment because I think that desire gets a bad rap when really it shouldn't. It's completely normal, it's completely human to desire things. It is fine to desire things all of the time, whether it's small things, big things, you are totally entitled to desire big, dreamy goals for your life, and you shouldn't feel guilty about it at all. It's when we attach ourselves to things. That's when we start getting in trouble and when we start kind of steering away from the spiritual path. When we have unfulfilled desires that we don't reach and we don't match up with, that's not going to create that much impact for us. We're not going to feel that sad about it because we aren't attached to it. But when we have unfulfilled attachments, that's when we're going to start experiencing frustration and pain. I think it's important too to talk about why we have these cravings in the first place. Oftentimes, a craving to attachment is because we feel that we are lacking in some way. And we think that whatever it is that we want, whatever this thing is, is going to solve this for us or it's going to make us feel better. I'm sure that you have probably experienced this at some point. I know that I have. And a lot of the time it's subconscious too. We're not usually always thinking, I need this thing to be happy, or I'm not happy in this area of my life. So let me fill it with this instead. It's usually kind of just in the back of our mind that we're not even consciously thinking about. And sometimes it goes even deeper. We can have a false sense of identity that's rooted in believing that we're separate from the sacred. Because we're separate, we're unaware of our true nature. And a number of religions touch on this. In Judaism and Christianity, this separation is called the fall. In Hinduism and Buddhism, it's specifically the fall into the state of Maya, which is the illusion that this physical world is the ultimate reality. In Taoism, it's the deviation from the Tao. So most world religions touch on this. They understand that we are going to have these cravings to attachment because we are going further and further away from the truth. When we fall into this illusion and thinking that these physical things or worldly pleasures are going to solve our problems, we are forgetting our spiritual nature and we are underestimating ourselves and our power and our own capacity to solve our own problems. We believe subconsciously that we are deficient and defective. So we crave whatever is going to fill this for us, whatever is going to hide these things from us, it's going to compensate for us, or distract us from things that we are deficient in. So I want to say that this is completely normal. And I think a lot of it honestly stems from inner child wounds when we did something as a child that was not celebrated. Maybe we were criticized for it, or we got in trouble for something, or we weren't loved in the way that we were meant to be loved. Whatever happened to you as a child that you might not honestly even remember, these things all play a part in why we are feeling inadequate, why we want to fill this void within ourselves. And there are so many ways to counter this, but that's not what this episode is about. I'm going to talk about one way in a little bit, but I basically just want to say first that this is totally normal. And it is also totally okay to want things. You are not not spiritual because of this. You are just human. And many religions like Judaism, Christianity, and Islam refer to these earthly pleasures and material possessions as gifts from God and describe our world as a garden of earthly delights. So even in many religions, it is okay to want material things. It is okay to enjoy them, but it is all about balance. Balance is the way that we are going to deal with our cravings for the things that we want and our attachment to them. Some people will try option one of trying to satisfy their attachments, but this will never work, at least not long term, because there will always be more things for you to desire and to become attached to and to want and need. So instead, the second path is to just change your mind about what you think you need. And the best way I think to do this is through practicing the middle way of Buddhism. If you are not familiar with the Buddha's story, before he achieved enlightenment, he lived as a pampered prince. He had everything taken care of, he had no worries in the world, he literally didn't even know that people got sick, that people died, anything like that. It was the height of materialism and hedonism for him. And he was totally unaware of it. But then he was woken up and taken outside of the palace, and he saw things that all of us have to deal with sickness, death, all of these not so pretty aspects of living. And he was horrified and realized that the life that he was living was not the path. So he decided to go the complete opposite direction and became a wandering ascetic. He starved himself nearly to death doing this, but then he realized that both extremes were not the answer. Living a life as a prince in super crazy wealth was not the answer. Living the life as someone with no clothes, no food, no job, nothing, just meditating all day was also not the answer. So he proposed the middle way. And the middle way is honestly just like it sounds. It's the middle way of doing things. You're not going to be doing either extreme. So when it comes to wanting nice things and liking material possessions while also being on a spiritual path, it's not one or the other. You don't need to be so spiritual that you can't live in society. But you also don't need to be so into material possessions that they consume you and make you attached to them and forget the true purpose of why you're here. We are not going to be happy or fulfilled if we're always trying to feed our attachments, but we're also not going to be happy if we deny ourselves all worldly pleasures. So it's just about walking that middle way. And I know that sounds probably pretty simple, and it is. It's just about not swinging too hard to either side. And I also want you to remember that materialism isn't just material things like cars and purses and homes. It can also be food that we use if we're using it to escape, like overeating. It could be gambling as a form of escape, ideologies that make us feel superior to other people. Anything that takes us away from our true nature, which is that of source, our God nature, our God consciousness is what I like to call it, because all of us are God. I know that might be blasphemous to some people, but I truly believe that because we are all a part of God. So therefore, I have God nature and God consciousness, and so do you. So just remembering that we always want to come back to that. We want to make sure to not go too far on the material side where we are being taken away from this nature. But at the same time, since we are walking that middle path, we want to avoid clinging too much to the idea that I am spiritual as well. Because you can definitely get on your spiritual high horse just like you could with any identity that you are taking on. And the ironic part is that if you do that and you think, oh, I'm so spiritual, I can't do this, that, and the other thing because I'm too spiritual, that is your ego speaking. You start to believe that you are better than other people and become a bit sanctimonious as well. That's actually not spiritual. Instead of doing what you imagine you think a spiritual person should do or what a spiritual life should look like, I think that you should just be living your true nature and the life that you actually live, while, of course, trying to get closer to source, trying to have that personal relationship with the divine, because really that's all that spirituality is. And honestly, trying to be too spiritual or living super spiritually, I think could be just as detrimental to your life as it could be to live too materially. I mean, if you really take it to extremes, imagine if you thought the most spiritual thing you could do is to go out and live in the mountains and join a convent or a monastery and go on multiple ayahuasca trips and neglect your kids in the name of spirituality. I mean, I don't know that honestly, it could be fine. It could be that could be a great life for you. I'm not dissing that at all because I think that sounds awesome for a lot of people, but I also think that sometimes there can be this glorification and pedestal put up for spirituality when it doesn't need to be that complicated. Sometimes it's honestly not that deep because all of us are spiritual beings. You don't have to do anything to be spiritual. You are spiritual just the way that you are. It reminds me of that quote that I love that I'm sure you have heard, which is we are all spiritual beings having a human experience. I definitely believe that. So if you've been wondering if you can want things, if you can want nice things and be spiritual, you can. This is your permission slip. You are allowed to want things. You're allowed to want nice, bougie ass things, and it doesn't make you less spiritual. What would make you less spiritual is attaching to those things, entangling your identity with those things, thinking that you're better or worse than others because of the things that you have, or becoming miserable because you don't have the things you want. If you're not feeling those things and you feel great and you don't think that your possessions or your lifestyle have a hold over you or that you're super attached to them, then yeah, you're doing great, man. If you want to buy the Gucci bag, do it. But be okay if you can't too. I think that the amount of suffering that we have in our lives really reflects the gap between what we crave and what we have. So as long as you are not suffering, then I think you probably don't have a problem with the things that you want. And one last thing that I wanted to touch on about this is that some people are scared to give up their attachments because they think if they don't have attachments, that they won't be motivated to pursue their goals or to achieve and to become their best selves. I've actually heard this from someone close to me. But this comes from confusing desires with attachments, which is why I explained what those two differences were earlier in the episode and why I think it's so important to differentiate between the two, because desires are a necessary and natural part of life. It is completely normal to desire things. Everyone desires things, but attachments are not necessary. Attachments are an unnecessary source of suffering. You can desire things without being attached to the outcome or without being attached to the thing. And since they're different, your desires are still going to be there for things even when you don't have attachments. And I honestly think that once you are freed from attachments, you're actually going to have more power, more capacity to be able to pursue higher things, higher motives in life. Because you're not going to be thinking about just what you can buy and what ways you can move up in the world physically. You're going to be thinking about higher aspirations. You're going to be thinking about how you can fulfill your soul, what you were put on this earth for, how you can be of service to others, and how you can make this one life of yours really count. All right, guys. Well, that is all I have for you today on why wanting nice things does not make you less spiritual. If you have any podcast requests, topics that you would like for me to talk about, please DM me on Instagram at HeyKalaBowen. I would love to hear from you and record an episode on something you want to hear about. See you next week.