E27: reTHINK, reFRAME, and reFOCUS for a Successful Midlife

Midlife often brings unexpected transitions—changes in identity, health, relationships, and priorities. But what if this stage of life isn’t something to fear… but an opportunity to rethink everything?

In this episode, I’m joined by life coaches Amy and Faith, hosts of the podcast Fifteen Minutes with Amy & Faith. We talk about how women in midlife can start reframing the way they think about challenges so life feels more manageable, meaningful, and aligned.

We explore the mindset shifts that help women move from feeling overwhelmed to feeling more grounded and empowered in the second half of life.

In this conversation we discuss:

• Why midlife often feels like an identity reset
• How reframing challenges can reduce overwhelm
• Letting go of old roles and expectations
• Practical mindset shifts that make daily life more manageable

If you’re navigating midlife changes or simply wondering how to approach this stage of life with more clarity and confidence, this conversation will give you a fresh perspective.

Find more about Amy and Faith at their links:

Instagram: @fifteenminuteswithamyandfaith

TikTok: @amy.and.faith.15

FB: Fifteen Minutes With Amy And Faith Podcast

And find their podcast Fifteen Minutes with Amy & Faith on Spotify, Apple, Amazon and YouTube!

You can reach Amy by email at coachbyamyc@gmail.com

And find Faith on Instagram: @have.faith.coaching

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Today we're talking with Amy and Faith, the life coaches and hosts of 15 minutes with Amy and Faith, Life from a Gen X slant. It's a podcast where they explore the idea that sometimes the biggest changes in life start with simply looking at things a little differently. Through their conversations, they help people rethink, reframe, and find practical ways to feel better, especially during this phase of life when many things are shifting. So welcome, Amy and Faith. Oh, thank you. So good to be here. Yeah, I'm excited to visit with you both. I actually made a list of some topics.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Awesome. It's always good to have it handy. Little prompts.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

But I think that we find that the best conversations come when we forget about the scripts. Well, yeah, that's a way to look at life too. The best things sometimes happen from the things that are not working out. And when you sit and you think about, well, maybe this is so much life coaching training. What am I really getting out of what I'm doing?

SPEAKER_02 0:56

So your show focuses on rethinking, reframing life. So what's one mindset shift that has made midlife, well, yeah, because Faith, you're not quite in perimenopause yet, but you're you're getting close to it. Correct. What makes midlife feel a little bit lighter or manageable for you?

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Oh, is that my turn to answer that question? What mindset shift helps make midlife more manageable for me? Well, I think the way that I'm gonna answer that question is thinking about this stage of my life as a real opportunity to do some of the things I had placed on the back burner forever. Being a mom for so many years, now my two daughters are grown and I can think about me and what does that mean? Well, first of all, I have to start getting to know myself all over again. What kinds of things do I like? What kinds of things do I enjoy? Thinking about that and thinking about some of the aspirations and dreams that I put on hold, I now have the time and the freedom to do all that. So instead of looking at my life as, oh my gosh, it's half over, all my best years are behind me, things like that. It's a complete mindset shift to wow, I have probably maybe even more than half of my life left to live. And it's a life that I can fill with the things that I want to do and explore.

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

Amy, did you have any different things?

SPEAKER_00 2:14

That was such a very interesting answer. Um, I am. I turned 60 last year, and I remember seeing someone talk about how different life is at 60. And he was absolutely right that you really start to think about what do I have left, and to start focusing more on your needs, even though there are things being stuck in this bridge generation as Gen X, where our kids are not nearly as grown up as we were at their age, and still are requiring things that, hey, they should be figuring out for themselves, and the generation above us that doesn't really listen. And so you have to decide how you're dealing with them, but just reminding yourself that what you want is important too. And I am currently in making a decision about something we've been invited to and going through all the emotions of why do I do this? Why don't I do this? But focusing this con this time more on how is it making me feel, as opposed to how I'm making others feel.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

That kind of segues into when we hit uh this this age gap phase, whatever. We start to realize some of the roles that we played don't fit anymore. Whether it's I'm not gonna be everybody's caretaker, I'm not gonna be the overachiever, there's just certain roles that we realize either not healthy or we don't want to do them anymore, or we're not needed in them anymore. So, how have you seen any of those shifts in your own lives?

SPEAKER_01 3:31

Yes. I Amy, do you want to go first this time?

SPEAKER_00 3:34

I want to just say that really what there is is space in your head and in your brain to think about things that even if your adult child is bringing you something, right? And this the thing was little children all you know, always bigger children, bigger problems, but less often. Right. And if your parents are secure and in a safe place, now I know people that are dealing, I have a friend who's dealing with a lot with her in-laws and her parents. But if you have my mother and my mother-in-law are both in safe, healthy environments, right? So I have space not to worry about what's going on with them. So I think the biggest thing is just having the space to think.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

Just responding to your question about roles at this stage in my life, the role of people pleaser no longer fits. And I feel like I played that role for probably most of my life, just because I didn't always have the confidence that I have now. And I just thought everybody has to like me. I have to be nice to everybody, I have to be everybody's friend. And now I just don't feel that way anymore because I have a lot more confidence, and also just because I've come to a point in my life where I feel that I need to protect my peace and I deserve to do that. So the friends and the people who are in my life now are in my life because I choose for them to be there, not because I feel obligated in any way. So that's been a major sense of freedom for me that I haven't experienced at any other point in my life. So that's been a huge shift in roles for me, discarding the old and assuming a new.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

And I gotta say, as you said that, what's interesting is that, and I and you hate to say these things happen at a certain time, but there was a shift that starts to happen at 50. Right. Right. And and I remember saying it to a friend, I care a lot less than I used to. And she goes, It's what you've been through. I said, No, and I remember my father saying it. And as I got to 60, I found that you get stronger in that because I think you're looking at what's maybe you're not necessarily looking at what's left, but you're starting to view life just in such a different light.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

Those are both great perspectives. And I love what you said about protecting your peace. That's what I think what uh causes a lot of women to get into that foggy, frustrated phase is they they haven't protected their peace. They've made themselves too available to everyone to take advantage of them, or they've not learned how to express their needs. Um, and husbands, unfortunately, they're they're not mind readers. We have to tell them what we're going to do, and you know, assure them this has nothing to do with you. But you could be helpful right now.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

But I think there's also this you've been together so long, and the shifting certain things can be very complicated. But there's one thing we haven't touched on. Some of us, our mothers went through this menopause phase of life with grown children. A lot of us are going through these phases in life with children that are still depending on us, and older parents that are depending on us. Yep. And so if you have a teenager who's going through puberty and starting to get their period at the same time that your body is in perimenopause, you may find yourself helping them and forgetting to help yourself.

SPEAKER_02 6:40

Right? Yeah, I think a lot of times the women carry more of the emotional load for the family. Um, and there's a lot of unseen labor that happens. You know, we're the ones that tend to plan all the meals or all the gatherings or the birthday parties, the what are we doing this weekend? And it's that it does have a mental cost for us. And this is a good time for our partners to maybe step in and start um taking over some of that stuff too.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

But I'll add something just happened this weekend, all the listening, right? And some I my husband was supposed to have a conversation with my daughter about something that had just happened. In the end, she kind of let loose on everything that was going on in her life, a conversation that I am treated to a little too often at the moment. And I think he may have gotten the sense of what I go through. That's good, and that you can't fix.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Joyce, I love what you said about the women carrying the emotional burden. I get a lot of things, as we all do in my Instagram feed. And one of the images that I just got was of a statue in Spain, and it's this huge, huge statue made out of metal or iron. I don't even know what the material is. And it's a woman, and she's bent over, and she just has tons of things that she's carrying on her back, like a washing machine and kids and TV and books and everything. And the title of the statue is The Woman Who Never Did Anything. So it's kind of like your brand new perspective on quote unquote the work that we do, which often is silent and goes unnoticed, but it can pile up and it can take its toll, as you said. So it just made me think of that immediately.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

So I want to say something based on that. There were days that I said, What did I do? And so instead of making a to list, I made a what did I do list. And what I realized is I had done a lot.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Yep. And you don't even know.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Instead of being mad about what I didn't do, I learned to be happy for what I did. And maybe that's the best mind shift thing we can come up with, is just to kind of evaluate what you're really doing.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

Well, and we have this tendency, especially with social media, is to compare our basic everyday things or even the worst of our worst to everyone else's best of their best because they're not posting the worst of their worst.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

Right, right. Like if we would if we would give the honesty of this is what the situation really looks like, and my body is going through X, Y, and Z. And so I feel even worse. Yeah. As opposed to a beautiful picture that makes everything look so simple and easy.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

Right.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

Well, I love about that that sculpture that you mentioned because we think, I mean, I know me being an overachiever, there's this tendency to think I haven't accomplished anything. Right. But if you stop and look at I have two grown adult children who are contributing to society, that's a huge accomplishment. You know, I have a marriage that's lasted for almost 35 years now. Um, that's kind of rare in today's day and age. And we look at these other people who are like, yeah, I flew to the moon, or I did a company and I created jobs for 5,000 people. I don't know. I just think sometimes we put this pressure on ourselves that nobody else is putting on us. It's all in our own head.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

And we've all watched people do it. I mean, I actually had to say it in my husband. We know a couple and they they looked at someone and they wanted to achieve X, Y, and Z, and you go into their house and it's great they were able to fix everything. I said, This is beautiful. And we walk through. Do you see what's wrong with this? Do you see what's wrong with that? And I'm like, you're killing yourself. Your your kids don't have your time so that you can have more, but you're not happy with them more. And what is interesting about all of us is that we are all in long-term marriages. Oh, nice.

unknown 10:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

But you does see its own share of a cycle of you know what it looked like when you were younger and you first got married to where you are now, to hopefully where it's going to be later.

SPEAKER_02 10:38

Yeah, for sure. Okay, well, midlife can be a time where women feel both restless and scared to change. So, what advice would you give someone who knows something needs to shift, but they don't know where to start?

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Faith, we could talk about last yesterday's club meeting. When I sat back at the end of the year and thought about what we I had personally accomplished, right? We had gone through life coach training. We had started there was a need, and we talked about it yesterday in the club meeting, uh, for those of us that were looking for people our own age to practice with, to share with. So we started a club for Life Coaches 50 Plus. Yesterday we celebrated our year anniversary. Somewhere along the line of podcasts came along. And so, you know, my advice is as scared as you are, take your chance. And guess what? While you're taking your chance, you were showing your children to take a chance. What's the worst that's gonna happen? You're gonna try and it's gonna work or it's not gonna work. But if you don't put yourself out there, you've decided no already. Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

Yeah, no, that's awesome. It's true. I actually have two. I think the first one, and this is something that Amy and I talked about with another guest on our podcast, is figuring out what you do not want. And I know that there is a tendency, myself included, to just focus on okay, what do I want next? What do I want for this next chapter of my life? And like you said, Joyce, that can be daunting and overwhelming. And so sometimes it's just a little easier to start with, okay, well, this is what I know I definitely don't want. And we use that a lot in coaching too. So I think that can be a good starting point. And then that can sort of be a jumping off point to figuring out more of what you do want. And then the next thing I would say is you are capable of learning more than you think you are. I highly doubt that anybody sitting here on this panel today thought that they could host a podcast at any point in their lives, being their younger selves. And I certainly never thought that I could understand all the technology and educate myself and what I needed to do to do that. And I didn't think I could, and guess what? I did. So you're more than capable of learning new things and probably more than you think. So those are my couple of little nuggets of advice.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

And for all of us that are parents whose children watched us and thought we were just doing nothing because we were home. First of all, you don't know what we were really doing. But second of all, it doesn't matter. Keep pushing, keep trying.

SPEAKER_02 13:01

Exactly. Well, I know um you guys have your podcast, and then you also both do different types of life coaching, right? Do you want to talk about that? Yeah, have faith.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Oh, me first. Oh, goodness. Okay, sure. Well, my coaching is called Have Faith Coaching, and it is obviously a play on my name, and it does not have anything to do with spiritual coaching. The reason why I chose that name is because actually, kind of like I just finished saying, I want to help clients have more faith in themselves and realize that they can do things and accomplish their goals. So have faith coaching is first and foremost under the big tent of life coaching. But under that, I also do confidence coaching, happiness coaching, CBT, transformation, bit of career. So that's where I'm at, and I love doing it. And I've been at it for a couple of years now. And how about you, Amy?

SPEAKER_00 13:54

You know, I kind of it took a long time to figure it out. And it started by going into the retirement area, didn't exactly go that way, but really I'm all about those great RE words. Let's rethink this, let's reframe this, let's reimagine this, let's reassess this. And that works for people of all ages, it's just little mind shifts change.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

I say that all the time. You don't have to fix it all at once, you fix one little thing at a time, and then it has this like compounding effect.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Or it does. Small steps.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

I think it's also um with coaching, and I don't know if you both see this. Um, and I had once had an argument with someone about this. For some people, coaching is really having someone hear you, but it's as you were talking to that person, they don't even necessarily have to ask you a question. You start to hear it in yourself because you're looking, you're talking, but you want the person to understand. And sometimes you so you're not ranting, there's a purpose to what you're saying, and you start to say, wait a minute, and you catch yourself. And you can't do that by yourself. So I highly recommend closure.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

Yeah, it's nice to have a sounding board, it's nice to have some clarity. I think sometimes talking things through with a coach, it gets you this clarity that you didn't have before, and and the clarity kind of helps to like push the clouds away and make things less insurmountable for sure.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

I like that that description is great. Definitely. It's hard to see things when you're in it. It's hard to be an observer of your own life, but if you can manage it, it's really helpful. For sure. All right.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

Any any last words you guys want to shout out?

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Well, I guess give us a listen because we have talked about some of what we're all going through in life. We we have someone that comes and talks about the seasons, and it makes you really think about as we're getting into a season, a spring, summer, what is really happening to us. Um, we've talked about when we talked about granny hobbies that our kids are picking up, we've talked about the nostalgia and the warmth that it's creating, remembering certain things about our mothers and our grandmothers. Do you want to talk about any of those?

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Oh, yeah. We, I feel like our podcast has really run the gamut. And we started off with this idea of life through a gen X perspective. And we've talked about we have a series coming up of you've graduated from work, and so what's next? And just kind of what we decide to do with that second half of our lives. We've talked about friendships, a reason, a season, or forever, and how friendships can shift and change as we approach this stage of life. So I feel like we talk about things that are relevant to this age group and beyond. And just getting the word out there and having these honest conversations. I just I don't think that, not to say we're the only ones doing it, but I think that having these real conversations is something important for people our age because I don't think it's always been available out there. So I really appreciate it and love doing it.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

Well, I will definitely post links in the show notes for your podcasts and your individual coaching. Uh, do you have like websites that people can go to to check out your coaching? Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

Or an email. Right. Yes, I have an email. Okay, sounds good. Definitely all right. Well, thank you, guys. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 16:58

Yeah, it was great to chat with you both. Yes, thank you.