An Intimate Definition

Jen and Dagda explore the true meaning of intimacy beyond sex. After a miscommunication with her partner, Jen defends her perspective that intimacy exists in all relationships—with friends, family, customers, and partners. They discuss close personal connections, customer service intimacy (Rick & Rhonda's miscarriage story, Mr. John the dinosaur collector), Men's Mental Health Month, advertisers weaponizing the word "intimate," and the importance of deep heartfelt conversations. A thoughtful episode about redefining intimacy and changing the culture.

#podcast #intimaterelationships #intimatcy #changetheculture

Artwork:Benaflah

Always a good time to be had...After Dark.

We truly enjoyed our time working on the brick and mortar side of the adult industry. We spent A LOT of time trying to satisfy and satiate many a curious mind while educating the 1st timers on some adult fun ideas!

We had a great employer who was not only the 1st fully licensed adult store in Washington , Momma D was the 1st FEMALE adult store owned in our state!

**Music: Burning Night by _NeutralMatrix_**

Transcript

Welcome

SPEAKER_05 0:18

Language content and situation that is intended for entertainment purposes and mature audiences only. So sit back, relax, and take a listen. Ready for the journey tag though? Yep. All right. Let's go. Hello.

SPEAKER_04 0:36

One day at a time, sweet Jesus. How are you doing today?

SPEAKER_05 0:40

I'm doing well.

SPEAKER_04 0:40

How are you doing? I am doing good because I am on a uh four-day weekend.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Yeah, I'm on a four-day weekend.

SPEAKER_04 0:47

Ooh, fancy, fancy. I mean, I missed the days when I actually had paid vacation time.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 0:53

So, but hey, it's uh, you know, we have a holiday this week in real life. Uh so um, although I'm not necessarily a direct recipient of that holiday, I I I support it. I pay my taxes for it. So, you know, beeha, you know. Yeah, yeah, everybody's all like all week at work, every business, like, I can't wait to next week. I can have a three-day weekend, I got three-day weekend. I'm like, oh, cool, cool. My absolute favorite person, uh, he goes, he goes, so Jen, he goes, Do you have three days off too? And I looked at him and I said, Oh, buddy. I said, Yes. And he looks at me, he goes, are they the same three days, or did you get screwed like so and so? I was just like, No, they're they're in a row unless I get a call and the big boss is still out sick and I get a call. And he goes, Did you get a four-day weekend again? I said, Yes, I did. But you know, it's listen, I when I signed up with the company, I said, I'm willing to work this many hours occasionally, but pretty much I want to stick between I I would really like to stick between 25 and 30. And I was told, hey, it's gonna be 32 to 39. And I'm like, as long as we can keep it closer to 32, I'm good. I don't want to work five days a week. Yeah, it's not good for my mental state of mind. And uh she was just like, oh, that's perfect, because then you could do on call stuff. I'm like, absolutely. Yeah, so I had uh a couple weeks ago, a few weeks ago, had my birthday, so I had four days off there, and then we had a holiday, yeah, and so I got fucking uh three days off there or four days off there, and then I worked five, six days, and then I got two days, and then I came back, and now I got four days, so I feel like yo, I earned it, but but I'm excited.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Yeah, this should be my last holiday that I don't get paid for because I should be at 90 days, so I should start getting holidays.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

You should have already been at 90 days. You started in March.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Yeah, but I just

A Miscommunication

SPEAKER_01 3:00

got the notification that I needed to change my password, which is at 90 days. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:05

So well, hopefully, hopefully you'll get paid for it. Because, you know, it's it's look, it's zany how it works. It's like it's not like uh if you would have worked the holiday, if you were to work the holiday, you don't get holiday pay.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:22

So it's it's like it's like somebody's, you know, and it's because it's a charity.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:26

But whatever, anyways, anyways, so we're back on uh after dark right now. Um, you know, we're getting ready to take a little break with conversations over coffee.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:37

Um, so we're gonna try to spend today and tomorrow focusing on after dark so we can have that little vacation time. And so I was telling you a story about a miscommunication that happened with my partner, and I didn't tell you the whole thing because some of it's like, you know, those details you just don't, right?

SPEAKER_03 3:52

Yeah. You know, it's just when you're talking about I don't need to know how many butthole hairs you have, or that you can braid them like a Viking. I know, I don't tell you those things.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

But did you just say something?

SPEAKER_03 4:04

What?

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Right? I just blanked out there from my right.

SPEAKER_03 4:08

I've heard butthole and my mind was like, no, the haw-ra. The haw-ra. Um, so question.

SPEAKER_04 4:16

No answers. Shush. Well, I mean, don't shush, but I understand that. However, so when you think of the word intimacy, okay, what do you think of?

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Um, I mean, that's used for a number of different clients. Generally, however, I think of um close personal interaction.

SPEAKER_04 4:42

But is that always a sexual close personal interaction? Or you just mean like close personal interaction, competent, this is just a support between us.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

I mean, it's not necessarily sex or anything like that. Not necessarily sex, although a lot of people think of it that way, I'm sure. Um, but yeah, no, it doesn't have to be sexual in nature, although it is often.

SPEAKER_04 5:04

Um I think I think that that's often an acceptable terminology for people who don't understand the definition of intimacy.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

Yeah. Also, like there's a lot of people who don't like using more direct language, and so they'll use other terms like oh, me and my wife were intimate, and they're talking about they were fucking.

SPEAKER_04 5:26

Uh in mixed company, I get that.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Yeah. There's some people that just like to be fucking oblique about every fucking thing. Well, especially sexual um or not, maybe explicitly sexual interactions, even. Um I'm not one of those people, so yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:47

Intimacy is so far different from me than what probably 40% of Americans would think or humans would think.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:54

Intimacy to me is not about all about sex.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:57

Every relationship has has a level of intimacy. Sexual intimacy being like the deepest of intimacy with a partner, I think.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

Phrasing people.

SPEAKER_04 6:05

I did phrase it right. But so I'd had a conversation with my partner, and he said, Whatever we were talking about, it doesn't

Defining Intimacy

SPEAKER_04 6:16

matter, but what we were talking about, he goes, he goes, he goes, how can you say something like that? Like, how are you comparing me to the other relationships in your life? We're intimate. And without missing a beat, and it was not a cruel or malicious thing, I looked at him and I said, Sweetheart, all my relationships have intimacy in them. Yeah, it's just to what degree? And he almost came unclued. And I said, and I'm just like, What are you talking about? And this is what he told me, and I'm I'm literally direct quoting him.

SPEAKER_00 6:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 6:48

Almost every man on this planet, when you say enemy, intimacy is talking about sex. And that has not that has not been my experience. Not not in all the years I've known you. Not it, not not, you know, RIP Chuck. No, none, none. Yeah, not even exes of mine are like were like that. And so it was kind of I was just like, okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:10

I mean, a lot of people associate the two. Well, uh, no, that's not what I was gonna say. A lot of people that is correct, but it wasn't what I was gonna say. A lot of people tend to think of the world almost explicitly their own point of view, right?

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:25

And they think that a lot, if not the majority of people, think like they do. Um, and so he's saying I think this way, therefore everybody thinks the majority of people, yeah. Um and like I said, it it's it's uh it's very common that people uh respond that way and think that way.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

And it's understandable because you really only have your own personal point of view of the world, right? You can't fucking see the world through other people's eyes necessarily. You can attempt to, but you can't really.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

Um, and so and then everybody tends to think that who they are and what they are is quote unquote normal.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

And so you would tend to think, okay, the average person probably thinks this way. Um so yeah, I I totally understand him saying something like that, even though I don't personally agree with what he said.

SPEAKER_04 8:23

Yeah. I mean, I I understood him saying it, yeah, but I'm like, that's not how it is for him, because that's not what intimacy means. Yeah. And I was just, I mean, if looks could kill because he's just like, you better clarify yourself right now. And I'm like, listen, intimacy to me is a close connection that you have with somebody. Yeah. Like you said, a close personal connection. For me, it's not unusual to have an intimate conversation that's not about sex. It's just like, especially with you, you and I will have conversations where it's just like, bro, this stuff is wearing on me, and I don't know who else to talk to because people don't think like me. You're you're closer to think I'm closer to thinking like you or you like me than I am most people, even in my family.

SPEAKER_00 9:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:09

Because I I have that ability being so empathic or having so much empathy.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Also, because I'm correct.

SPEAKER_04 9:17

90.2% of the time. Um, but but but for me, it's just like I've never looked at intimacy as uh intimacy, that's the word. Intimacy, not do you want to get intimate? Yeah, looks you know, so that's the thing that's like, I don't know, he was really upset, and I was just like, intimacy to me is is is just it's it's a close personal connection, it's a close personal bond. It's something you might share with. I was just like, there are intimate details of my mind I will share with my mother that I won't share with anybody else. And it doesn't have nothing to do with sex, it might have to do with these are my fears, my hopes, my dreams, my challenges, whatever. And it and he he got offended by that and he was just like, I'm your partner. You so I was like, I'm telling you, through my lifetime, I've had more intimate conversations with my mom about my fears, my hopes, my dreams than anybody else.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

That's understandable. Also, like you can have intimate interactions with complete strangers. Absolutely. It doesn't need to be somebody, quote unquote, special in your life to have intimacy in a given moment.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Now, overall, obviously, your intimate uh interactions are going to be with close personal relations, whether they're friends or family or a lover or whatever, but it's not exclusively.

SPEAKER_04 10:40

Yeah. It's literally for me, it literally is about having, it's just about a moment, a conversation where you're connecting with somebody. In a way, they need you to connect with them, not sex at all.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

Well, even the term intercourse doesn't actually mean sex.

SPEAKER_04 10:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

It's usually thought of that way, but it just means an interaction.

SPEAKER_04 11:04

Yeah. And and what's crazy is that so I have, even though I haven't been at my job a super long time, I have people that I've met other places that come and see me at the job site and you know, they'll talk to me. I have some newer people I met that like I what's super funny is I swear I moved them in when they got here from from Texas from their for their military. Uh, you know, and he didn't re-up, but I swear it's them. But that because we keep going, I think we know each other, I think we know each other. Like you look familiar, you look familiar. But so intimacy to me is just like you said, right? And this is how I know that intimacy goes beyond the thought of sex. And that is I just the male customer, he came in. We'll just call him Rick. Rick came in and I said, Oh, where's Rhonda? I don't see her with you today. Where's how's she doing? And he's immediately starts crying, like just real soft tears. And he said, She's at home recovering. I was like, Oh no. And he's like, Yeah, she'd lost the baby. She was four months pregnant and had a miscarriage, which is really tough on your body. Um, and I was just like, you know, I'm so sorry. I'm send, you know, send my remorse to her, send, send my care to her, and let her know I'm thinking we're gonna say a prayer. Because even though I'm not highly religious, I just put that thought out to the universe, let let Rhonda get through this with as little pain as possible and let her recover and move on and move forward. Because obviously I've dealt with it a lot, right? So, and it was so weird. Two weeks after that, I saw them both and I saw her and I said, How are you doing? And she just looks at me and she goes, I'm okay. And I was just like, I, you know, I said a couple of prayers, sent some prayers out to the universe. And of course, Rick's like, I love how you do that and you don't make it religious. That has nothing to do with that. I'm more Stephen Hawking than I am King James. That's just how it is. And uh she looked at me and she was like, It's hard. And I was like, it is very hard. I said, but let me tell you what, you're never gonna get more than you can handle. You never will. I mean, I said I know a lot of religious people say that. I was just like, but I truly do believe you get what gets stacked on you in life is the most you can handle. And when you really truly can't handle it anymore, you're done. Yeah. I mean, seeing my grandmother make the choice just like, I'm telling you, it's the craziest thing to laugh about it 22 years later. My my mom's mom. But you know, just the way she was just like, fuck that, I didn't get a little loan and I'm out of here, you know. But I remember she looked at me and she was just like, Can you hug me? And it's so funny. So Ronda says, Can you hug me? And I said, Of course. And we did, there was no other customers there, it was just us. And she's hugging me, and I can't, and I'm telling her, I'm just like, it is okay. And we did something that I don't do with a whole lot of people, and that is we put our heads together. And so

Close Personal Connections

SPEAKER_04 13:48

we all, you know, just kind of said that, you know, just it was like it was almost like a prayer. And I was just like, you know, I hope this universe lets you heal from this really well. You have a long life ahead of you, and this is just one small bump in your road to family and your road to goals. And, you know, and it was funny because my boss, my big boss, not the big big boss, but my my direct big boss, she saw all this and then she looked around and saw that actually paid attention to how customers were interacting with me. That's intimate and intimate to me. Yeah, but my partner doesn't see it that way. My partner sees it very much like nosy rosy. I'm like, it's nosy rosy when somebody comes up to me and I just say, Oh, hey, how's your wife doing? Because I was like, that's part of that's fucking part of customer service. I said, part of customer service is making these little little mental clicks and making sure that you're in including everybody in the dynamic. Because otherwise, especially from military wives, you know what I'm saying, especially from a military standpoint, if you're not asking, and the partner goes, and Rick would have gone home, been like, oh yeah, I saw Jen today and she was in a great mood and gave me a hug and everything, you know, because told her I was having a tough day. You don't include that, hey, Jen gave me a hug because I said I really need a hug. My aunt's sick, my wife just lost our baby, and I'm about to fucking break down like a baby, you know. But that's he did include that. But if you don't include everything, you're not doing customer service right. And that's not just my opinion, that is a fact. If you can walk that line between making them feel like they're your next door neighbor, or your, hey, we live on the same block. How are you doing? Hey, I saw you walking with you know what I mean. Like if you can make them feel like they're important to you, you're doing customer service right.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:37

And I have a lot of that that happens. I've got my favorite customer is Mr. John, and I know many people know him because he's a dinosaur collector. He collects dinosaurs, he's just the greatest guy ever. And he looks like a skinny Santa, which is fantastic. And so now, you know, he's got all these grandchildren, and he's he's telling me, and it's really weird, because he's telling me that he's got a room that he's looking at getting like more pictures to put up for the kids and making it because the kids are getting a little bit bigger, and of course, more grandbabies are reborn and everything, and da-da-da-da. So one of my workers was just like, Wow, he really likes you. Like, you know a lot about his life. I'm like, some people just are old school, they like to have those intimate conversations. This is my life, and it's not about getting you to divulge something about your life, it's about you understanding that this is the most important, it's a pride thing for them.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:28

So, you know, so I get confused because I'm told I shouldn't be in. I don't know. For me, intimacy is having those connections, those moments.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:36

And I, you know, I don't know how to make him see that. Like, like I said to him, I was just like, he's just like, no, that's not right. That's improper. And I looked to him, I said, sweetheart, I love you so much. I love you almost as much as I love my mom. And the look there was just like, what? And I'm just like, listen, nobody is more important than my mother. My mother has been, as long as I've been around, she's been there for me. And it's like, and I feel that that's fair and that's right. I said, but you're not gonna tell me how intimate I can be in my relationships because intimacy to you is sex. That's not what it is to me.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:11

I was just like, there are things I tell my mother that I wouldn't tell any other soul on this planet because that's my God-given right. Yeah, that is my solace, that's my sanctuary, that's that is my creator. That's the thing that people don't get. That's my creator, and I'm gonna respect that. And I and I said to him, I said, and I'm gonna tell you things that I wouldn't tell to other people. I said, and then my best friend, I'm gonna tell things to Dagda that I wouldn't say to you. And not because I'm hiding something from you, but because I'm trying to process how I think about something before approaching you because he does have that balance to see things both your way and my way. And if he can make me understand it, it makes for easier communication between us. I said, and that's an intimate relationship to me. It's it has nothing to do with sex, yeah, none of that. Isaac, it's just that intimate, deep connection where it's just like, okay, don't judge, but yada yada yada. That's kind of what it's about for me.

SPEAKER_03 18:04

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:05

I mean, I think you have an intimate relationship with all your friends.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:09

I mean, there, I'm sure there's things you and Marlon would talk about that, let's say you and Mr. Cranky wouldn't.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:16

You know, just like Mr. Anxiety and Mr. Cranky couldn't be in the same room. Because it, you know what I mean? So it and it's really funny because a lot of people are going, wait, and you know, there's gonna be somebody out there going, wait a minute, he's talking about being intimate with other men.

Customer Service Intimacy

SPEAKER_04 18:32

It's okay for men to have deep heartfelt conversations with other men. Because if you have really close friends, you should be able to have them. And you should be able to say, like, dude, this is really bug me, even if it's like a lump on your nut.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:47

You know, I mean, especially if it's a lump on your nut. I mean, I've I've had people ask me to look at stuff, and I'm like, no, I'm good. But I would think that it would be behoove for, you know, so June is mental men's mental health month.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 19:03

Because apparently women have the other 11 months. I kinda I kind of think that every month is a mental health month for all humans. But very specifically, they're starting we're starting to talk more about men's mental health.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:15

And which I think is a fantastic thing.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

Uh it doesn't exist.

SPEAKER_04 19:18

That's right. Men are yeah, men are made of steel or something. Sorry, I just watched Steel Magnolias again. Um, because I just because of that one the the one scene. Steel Magnolia. Sally Field, Dolly Parton, uh, Julia Roberts.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Okay. Yeah, there was a that's right. There's a movie called Magnolia.

SPEAKER_04 19:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

Um there's also a movie company called Magnolias.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

And it's like Tom Cruise, I believe. Um it it's like an ensemble cast, and it's like going it's showing a bunch of different stories, a bunch of different people's stories. I don't remember exactly. The only reason I remember it is because Tom Cruise was playing a character that's supposed to be based off of Ross Jeffries, the quote unquote godfather of the pickup artist community.

SPEAKER_04 20:09

The original fucking Okay, you say Ross Jeffries, and I immediately my brain switched to Jeffrey Ross, and I'm like, no. Yeah, just no. Well, you know, that's the thing is I would like to I would love to see more people have that mentality, especially men, have that mentality about intimacy like you do.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:27

Because I think it's a very Because I'm correct, first of all. Yeah, first first of all, Dagda's never wrong.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:34

And and on the rare occasion that Dagda is wrong, it's somebody else's fault. It's never on bike, and it's somebody else's fault. Well, the thing about it is that like I wish we had a way to really change the perception in this world that because I think it's advertisers that do it, honestly, because you think about like KY jelly and their intimate moments, and I think so many people are like, oh, I'm like, okay, but if you go way, way, way back, the the diaper rash cream, it's for those intimate areas. Who says that about fucking babies? It's private areas, not intimate areas. That's disgusting. But anyway.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

Well, it aren't some of like the uh female sanitary products also advertised like that for intimate whatever.

SPEAKER_04 21:23

Oh, yeah, they've got some wipes for those intimate nights, and then they've got like um uh they've got razors for your intimate areas, and it's just like it I like I don't understand why we've gotten to the point in this country or in this culture or in this world where we can't say genitalia. What the fuck's wrong with that word? Yeah. Shaving your genitalia since 1983.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Waxing your genitalia.

SPEAKER_04 21:50

Your genitals, genitals. Oh my god. No, it just it was it was a curious question for me. So Simply because there he it just led to a misunderstanding. And I mean I stayed calm. And I was just like, see, I'm calm, you need to be calm. Because it's it's like when somebody and I think it might be to do with the upbringing. I don't know. And to me, it's just like we need to expand our mind much more as humans. Free your mind and the rest will follow up. That's correct. That's what in Vogue said. Yeah. But I'm pretty sure he just followed a hoe, but whatever. Anyways. Um, yeah, it was it was one of those things where it was just like intimacy does matter to me in relationships.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:37

And I tried to explain that to him. Like, you have to have, I told him, I said, when you have close friends, when you have close family, you have intimate relationships. I said, I'm sure you've had conversations with your mother or one of your siblings that I would know nothing about.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:51

And I was just like, those are, you know, and of course, I was wrong. But um, you know, I'm just like, I'm just like, well, I'm sorry, that's I was not raised to where it strictly meant sex.

SPEAKER_00 23:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:05

I was just because I was just like, I'm, and I was just like, because I was just like, I can tell you I have intimate relationships with lots of people. Yeah. I have intimacy in all my relationships. Yeah. I was just like, but I ain't fucking nobody but you. I mean, that was a little bit better, but I didn't I don't know why he got caught up on that word.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

I mean, he probably just had it in his head that that's the way it was.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

So did you bust out Google and be like, okay, here's Oh, I thought about it because he's like, don't even pull out Wikipedia on me. And I'm like, I'm like, that's kind of the really interesting thing about language, is it's you can have definitions in the uh and don't I don't know what it was. I I think it was the heat. Some word was said recently, and I'm like, that's wrong. And it was just like I'd hit my limit or something. I was like, that's wrong. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not. And I literally Googled the definition and it took me right to Wikipedia, and I'm like, and then I went back to Google and then read what the Webster's Dictionary said. And I was like, oh wait, it's the 17th definition, not the common definition. That was not a happy day. Uh, but no, I don't, I don't whip out Google all the time, and I don't whip out what it I don't even remember what the word was, but I was just, I remember I was trying to do my morning routine. It was he'd taken a day off. His he's he's been celebrating June a lot. Um I I was just trying to do my morning routine and he kept interrupting me, and I get really, I get really mad, like really mad, because like you and I do our podcasting on certain days of the week. We get together, we do a snake, and we usually leave him alone to give him his space.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:51

You know, I mean, for a while there we were here and we were like, fuck it, but then it was like, oh my god, no. And we usually, we, we, you know, I say goodbye to him, we usually either meet or I or you get here and we head out or whatever to give him his privacy and his space. And I'm just like, I don't remember what it was, but I was just like, I have 90 minutes until I have to get ready for work. And and I said to him, I just need to get into my routine because this stuff that's going on is too much. And I and I am looking for another job. I was just like, but I ain't trying to lose this job until I have another job.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:28

And and he said something, and I was just like, and then the next day he was celebrating June again, and he was comes stomping into the office, and I'm just like, I'm just in here. I'd made myself an English muffin and a couple of eggs, and I and it's like, you know, again, an hour and a half before work, because I have to eat at least an hour before work if I'm gonna eat, otherwise, it just clogs me, you know, just like drains me down.

SPEAKER_03 25:55

Yeah. Oh, I know you got your routine, and maybe I'm like, oh my god. I was petty penny though.

SPEAKER_04 26:00

I was like, oh, I'm good. I don't want to disrupt your intimate moment with your video game. I was a petty penny. I'm not lying, I really was a petty penny. What are you talking about? I'm like, well, you know, and anyways, but I I just I thought it was weird that I felt I had to defend myself that I'm not wrong because intimacy, I believe sex is not even the first definition. I don't think I think it's like the third or fourth.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 26:26

I think yeah, anyways, I just thought I would ask what your opinion was. Yeah, because I don't like it when somebody tells me the way I see something is wrong. When I, you know what I mean? I like that drives me nuts. And it's like, I think, I think every friendship, as long as people understand intimacy is not about fucking or having sex, yeah. I think everybody should have intimacy in their life. I think it is a confidence booster. I think it's a way to really learn something, another viewpoint, and actually understand it. Because if you're having a conversation with somebody and they're like, you're wrong, first of all, you're putting a wedge between you and them. Instead of going, I've never looked at it that way, can you explain how you see it? That's a it's a deeper way to connect. It is intimate, and it's definitely a way to get along better, I think.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Yeah. I mean, yeah, sex is included in the the wheelhouse of that. That's the term, yeah, but it's not explicitly what it is about.

SPEAKER_04 27:25

Yeah, and I it and I just I think like I said, I think it's the advertisers have made it that a focal point. And it's just like, why can't the advertisers be honest and be like, intimacy is your discretion, sex is your discretion, but your genitalia, you gotta treat right with the five-blade razor. Why, why not be honest about it? For fuck's sake. I don't know. I get mad, I get really mad. I don't like I don't like labeling it, but I also don't like being told that there's something wrong with me because I see intimacy that way. So at least I'm not alone. No, literally, I was just as soon as you said that, I heard Michael Jackson, you are not alone. Literally. But you know, it's okay. It's been it's hot weather lately, and it's been a lot of stress and strain, and you know, and it's I think it's really hard because he hates my job. He hates my job. Yeah, and I'm like, hey, bud, you're not the only one. And it's not that I hate my job, it's that I really strongly dislike hypocrisy. Yeah, I don't like somebody saying, This is what you're gonna do, but that's not what I do. And I'm like, hmm, this is really interesting. So I'm just a glorified this, which if you'd just done that, I could have got a way better schedule. It's really fucking bad when a company is just like pretty much we have a hard time having anybody do that because people can't pass pass background checks.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:52

I'm like, the fuck? And then when I hear the horror stories of everybody else, I'm like, oh, like, yeah. So an example of intimacy to me. Somebody at work divulged a mental health disorder to me. Okay, that I don't know if I should report or not. So I spoke with a co-manager of mine and said, I'm not on the clock. I need to ask a question. And I explained that an individual had disclosed something to me that they apparently did not disclose at the time of their interview. And she said, Does it, does it or can it impact their job? I said, I feel like it explains half the shit we see. And she was like, Oh, well, that individual and she said, she said, Do you think it harms anybody? I said, Well, I said, I think it's harmful when you are in direct denial because, you know, I was like, I have the upper hand in this situation, being the newest co-manager, I have the upper hand in this situation because it's easier to build a rapport where they let shit slip that they won't say to the other ones.

SPEAKER_00 29:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:58

Literally, literally, that was what I was told. This individual will yell at me like I'm a two-year-old and I can't stand it. This individual will rally to get me fired, and I can't stand that. This individual will be like, oh, I could have told you you were fucking nuts months ago. It's like they have an excuse as to why they'll talk to me, but not the others about it.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:16

And it's just like, so it's it's this intimate rapport. And the other co-manager I was talking to was just like, Well, do you want to tell me what it was? And I said, No. I said, I think I would, I said, I was just kind of curious if it she said, if it's something that's gonna directly, I said it can, and I think it has in the past, but it doesn't change the money. Their money's fine, that's not an issue. There's only been this particular complaint. They were in denial about it happening, but I confronted them and said, no, I've actually three or four times seen this incident repeatedly happen in the last four months. So it's it's it's weird because I feel almost gross that I have to almost break that trust and intimacy.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:00

Because, you know, and what's worse is I'm afraid when I tell the big boss, they're going to do what they always do. And they're going to be very negative and they're going to be nasty and they're going to be judgmental. And I think that's wrong because they already judge this employee because the of how they personally feel about LGBTQ life styles. Life styles, yeah. Yeah. I was like, how do I say that?

SPEAKER_00 31:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:26

And then and and you know, I don't want to do that because it's very difficult for me when people want to like it's habit for me. Like, I was talking to my partner about it because he he won't go into where I work. Yeah, he won't go anywhere. That's too D class. He won't go in anywhere. Well, it's because I think it's because if he would go in there, he'd want to talk to the boss and be like, yo, this lady's to see you next Tuesday.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:50

Um, which everybody wants to say because I didn't realize how much people dislike this other manager until I heard them saying something to one of the workers. And as she's walking away, the gal just looks at me and she's just like, like rolls her eyes. And I'm just like, Miss Sweet Innocent just rolled her eyes at that manager's back. Hallelujah. But then it really, my conversation with you really dawned on me, really hit with me. So I don't, I don't know. Anyways, I got a little off track there, but I did want to ask you about the intimacy thing because I think it's important that we try to work on changing that culture. I mean, how would you like it if, like, Marlin was having a conversation or had a podcast and was just like, yeah, my best brother Bo Bro Bud, you know, redacted, him and I are intimate conversations all the time. It would not come off right to the average person. To me, it would be like, okay, so what secrets are you telling him that you're not telling me? You know, and I don't know. It was just, I try to gain that perspective because I can't have the conversation with anybody at work because, and I'm not saying this in a in a rude negative way at all, but I have an employee who doesn't even understand what cooperation means. I I also have another employee who doesn't understand what stock rotation means. And then I have somebody else who's just like, I don't understand any of it. So, you know, what's what's your advice on how how do you think maybe men can try to approach the idea of intimacy without sex? What do you think they steps they would need to do to start thinking outside the box about intimacy and understand what it truly is?

SPEAKER_01 33:28

I mean, learn the definition of the fucking word.

SPEAKER_04 33:31

Okay, stop doing the smart guy thing. You're supposed to be the nice guy today. If Marlon came up to you and Marlon said, Look, I I know intimacy is I understand intimacy is not not about sex. I listened to the episode, I know it's not about sex. So, how can I start changing my viewpoint to understand? What steps did you take in your life to start understanding intimacy is not all about sex? If you just tell me to read the dictionary, I swear to god, I might punch your kneecap.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

Read the fucking dictionary? I don't know. This was never a problem for me. So I don't uh and it's it seems very simple to me.

SPEAKER_04 34:09

Well, what about your relationships with your actual girlfriends that you are sexually intimate with? Did they ever have an issue that you have female friends, like your gamer friends and then me and stuff? Like, did they ever have that I mean, because obviously they know we have conversations. Duh.

SPEAKER_01 34:27

Yeah. I mean it never came up. But then again, my girlfriends are few and far between, and my You are a picky bitch. And my uh friend groups are also pretty fucking small. Yeah. So it's not like I have a plethora of people that I'm talking to all the time. Well, it's because you get they're humans are too exhaustive to you. Yeah, I prefer to spend quite a bit of time by myself.

SPEAKER_04 34:50

Or with me.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

Yeah, like I said.

SPEAKER_04 34:53

Seriously, honestly, sometimes spending time with me is like spending time by yourself. Because it's just like, oh my god, both are look at that man.

SPEAKER_03 35:01

I almost gave that away at work the other day.

SPEAKER_04 35:03

Because I think I did that two days in a row, didn't

Adverstising Plays a Role

SPEAKER_04 35:05

I?

SPEAKER_00 35:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:06

And it was like, fuck shit. Anyways, I think I would recommend it's I think it's easier for me because I'm a female and I'm very I have a lot of empathy. So maybe it's but I think it's imp and because I do so much customer service, maybe that's why I'm able to see it beyond sex. Because intimacy in a sexual you it doesn't even have to be about the intercourse.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:29

Yes, I did just do that sign, like anybody can see that the other day.

SPEAKER_02 35:35

Why is that the universal sign for sex?

SPEAKER_04 35:38

Because that's kind of basically what's happening. Make a hole and stick it in.

SPEAKER_01 35:43

Insert tab A into slot B. Yeah. Uh anyway, sorry. Oh, I was gonna say I actually learned the sign language for titties the other day.

SPEAKER_00 35:57

Let me see.

SPEAKER_01 35:58

It's actually pretty funny. It's actually more or less it it's self-explanatory. Right. It's a boobies.

SPEAKER_04 36:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:09

Which is also like, okay, that makes fucking sense.

SPEAKER_04 36:12

Yeah, like I would think this would be like titty twister, but yeah, no, it's titties, this is boobies.

SPEAKER_01 36:18

Who taught you that? I was watching an episode of uh Yamad. Yeah, it was Yamad. They had uh they've been doing this series where they bring in a group of people and then they tell jokes about that group of people to that group of people and try to get them to laugh. And if they if the person being told the joke laughs, they have to eat a spicy chip. And if they don't, then the person telling the joke has to eat a spicy chip. And basically they're doing the hot ones, uh hot sauce.

SPEAKER_00 36:52

Yeah, yeah, that yeah, that line.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

Yeah. And anyway, they had disabled people this time, and one of the guys was deaf. And so there was a signal language person. Interpreter. Yeah. And they're like, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute, what was that? Who what was that sign that used? Oh, that's titties. Wait, oh this is titties? Yes. What are boobies? This, okay.

SPEAKER_04 37:15

Honk if you're happy.

SPEAKER_00 37:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:18

It's it's so funny because listeners are like, yeah, it's it's so funny because it's uh we have an opportunity to learn something new every day.

SPEAKER_00 37:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:26

Like it and even at work, somebody will say, Oh, you know, A, B, C, or D, and I'll be like, oh, we learn something new every day. And I don't, and I, and I know this is gonna sound so CNX Tuesday-ish, and it's probably just because I literally, you know, if you think of your body from zero to a hundred, of how full of the bullshit and the the double standards that are going around there are. And you and I've talked about my job enough, we've talked about your job enough that we all know I'm at like 89% capacity for bullshit.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:01

And I'm a slow burn at that. That's the crazy thing, is I'm a slow burn. And it's like, so I've done this thing lately where I've had intimate, private conversations with different people to see how quickly it'll come back. And it's really funny. The only one that's come back is the one I've said to the manager that I can't stand. So I'm like, okay, cool. But an employee had a private conversation with me, which I do look at as an intimate conversation, and we were trying to figure something out. And he goes, Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with redacted. Like, normally, if I ask her for help, she'll help me for at least 10 minutes. She told me to go find you and you'll take care of it, golden child. And I was just like, I'm like, what? And he goes, Yeah, I don't see where she gets off saying that because you're always up here helping us. She never is, but she tries to make it like it's you. And I'm like, stop. I don't even want to know. Because I've already gone through this rig-am-arroll. Yeah. And it's just like, I tell the boss, and I and I told this individual, I said, Listen, I appreciate you having my back and having that respect. I was just like, but I don't want there to be any misunderstanding. So come with me. So we go back and we're like, hey, so this just happened, but we're trying to figure out on this timesheet where we need to track this. Like, it was it this time or this time? Because you you came back here like right away, right? You haven't been up front since what? This like 1 30, right? Oh, yeah. And I said, okay, dude, yeah. I I was like, you're I was like, I yeah, we were right, we were right thinking it happened between 2 and 2.30. And this is at three o'clock, and we're trying to get all the information down. But we got her to admit in front of people that she'd been back there. And Scott, Scott, one of the guys that works for me, he goes, he goes, Yeah, Steven the last hour and pound shooting the shit. I'm just like, oh. And it was so funny because my employee, when we went back up front, he goes, Can I ask

Until Next Time!

SPEAKER_04 40:00

you the question? I said, sure, go ahead. And he goes, Why is it? He goes, You always have to help us. He goes, and you don't complain. He goes, but you always have to help us. He goes, but why is it if we ask any of the other managers for help, they're like, Nope, I'm not doing anything. I'm back here and I'm not going up front. I don't want to, I don't have to. I was like, that's a private conversation that you need to have with the big boss because I can't tell you why. But I was you just the look on her face when she got ratted out was hilarious. And it's just one of those things where uh yeah, anyways, intimacy. It's not just about fucking. Yeah, I think it's about a bigger connection, I think it's about something much more important. Sex is something that can be in your life your whole life, right? And sex is fun. I mean, even guys with EDs can put on rigid sleeves and fake it away. They can get surgery stuff.

SPEAKER_01 40:51

Referring to the other end of the spectrum of children.

SPEAKER_04 40:56

Oh, ah.

SPEAKER_01 40:57

Yeah, that's why I said sort of.

SPEAKER_04 40:59

Okay. I'm sorry. Your adult life.

SPEAKER_01 41:02

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:02

Your whole adult life, you can enjoy sex. I mean, you're gonna go through periods where you have sex more than not. But it's like those are just things. Yes, it's a great way to connect with a partner or you know, a one-night stand or hot guy or girl or whatever. That's all great. That's great. But to me, intimacy is so much more important because that sharing part of your life that you're not just gonna walk up to hi, Joe Blow stranger. Did you know that I braid my butthole hair? I'm not gonna share that with everybody off the street. Yep. Like, no cap. One time I did tell somebody that I used to work with that I hadn't maintained my butthole hair in so long, he could probably braid it like a Viking. And he always liked to ask me every week, do you still have your Viking braid? Yep. But it kept him from trying to get in my pants. Heck yeah, it's so long now. I can wrap it around front and whoop a lasso with it.

SPEAKER_01 41:55

My nickname is Bear.

SPEAKER_04 41:59

I don't know. Yeah, I just I think the world would be much a better place if people could kind of focus on the fact that intimacy is not just about the sex, it is about having a deeper connection with somebody that means something more than just, yep, I banged him. Yep, I banged her.

SPEAKER_00 42:15

Yep, it's hot out.

SPEAKER_04 42:16

Fuck yeah, it's hot as balls out. But good. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Have a great day.