17. What I Wish More People Understood About Maternal Mental Health

With it being the month of May, I felt like it was time to have a REAL and honest conversation about maternal mental health. 

While we’ve gotten slightly better at talking about postpartum depression, there are still many parts of motherhood and perinatal mental health that people quietly struggle through without support or understanding.

Maternal mental health is about sooo much more than postpartum depression. It’s also anxiety, rage, intrusive thoughts, identity shifts, overstimulation, and loneliness. It’s the emotional weight of matrescence, and the invisible mental load mothers carry every.single.day. 

Ultimately, maternal mental health is not *just* an individual issue - it’s a public health issue that needs our attention, now, more than ever.

I hope this episode reminds you that you are NOT failing at motherhood. You are human, and you were never meant to carry all of this alone. There is support available, and you deserve care LONG before things become unbearable!! 

Episode Recap:

• Why maternal mental health is about so much more than postpartum depression
• The many ways perinatal mental health struggles can show up
• How normalized maternal suffering keeps moms struggling silently
• Understanding matrescence + identity shifts in motherhood
• Grieving former versions of yourself while loving your children deeply
• Maternal rage, overwhelm, and the invisible mental load
• Normalizing intrusive thoughts + why trained support matters
• Loneliness, isolation & unrealistic expectations in modern motherhood
• How unsupported systems impact maternal wellbeing
• Why maternal mental health IS a public health issue
• The importance of therapy, rest, community & shared support
• Maternal mental health resources + reminders that struggling does not mean failure

**Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re struggling or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional in your area, because you don’t have to go through it alone.

Links/Resources:

• Ep. 3 | What “The Mental Load” Really Looks Like (and Why It’s So Damn Heavy)
• Maternal Mental Health Leadership Alliance (MMHLA)
• Postpartum Support International
• Follow on Instagram @tztherapy
• Check out my website

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi friends, welcome to Reproductively Speaking. I'm Karen Sweiker, and every week we will explore the intersection of parenthood, purpose, and mental well-being for honest stories, expert insights, and practical tools for everyday life. Grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and let's get into today's episode. Hey everyone, welcome back to Reproductively Speaking. I'm your host, Taryn Sweigert. Happy Mother's Day. I am recording this on Mother's Day at least, and May also is Maternal Mental Health Month. And so I just really wanted to sit down and have an open, more sort of in-depth conversation about maternal mental health and just about how it impacts, you know, individuals, not just clinically, but also emotionally, relationally, culturally, and personally. And because I do think that our society, our culture, we have gotten slightly better at talking about postpartum depression over the last several years. But there still are so many parts of motherhood and just perinatal mental health in general that people either don't fully understand, maybe they don't talk about it openly, or maybe they're just quietly suffering through believing that they are the only ones that are experiencing it. And honestly, I feel like a lot of mothers are struggling silently in ways that society has normalized so deeply that they don't even realize what they're experiencing deserves support or that there is support out there for it. And so today I just really wanted to talk all about all of this, the things that I wish more people talked about, the things that I wish more moms knew, and just the things that I wish that our society would do a better job at understanding so that they could provide more support to women and families as they sort of go on this journey. I feel like often when people hear the phrase maternal mental health, most people immediately think of postpartum depression. And, you know, postpartum depression is absolutely important to talk about, but maternal mental health or perinatal mental health is so much bigger than that. And if you're not familiar with perinatal mental health, um, you know, the term perinatal is the time period that we capture preconception through the first year postpartum. And, you know, we talk about the postpartum period usually being that first year. But the more and more that I'm in this work, the more that I am just a true believer in that postpartum is forever. And that the person that we are after we enter into this new phase of our life as a parent, as a mother, we're just never the same. And so that's why I just think, you know, when we're talking about maternal mental health or periodal mental health, it's so important to talk about more than just postpartum depression because it really is so much bigger than that. You know, it could include things like anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, birth trauma, bipolar postpartum psychosis, substance use struggles, rage. I mean, on and on and on, right? It's just so much more. And postpartum depression just does not fully capture all of the different things that, you know, an individual could be struggling with. According to Postpartum Support International, about one in five women experience a periodal mood or anxiety disorder. One in five. And something else that's important to understand is that maternal mental health conditions are actually the most common complication of childbirth. According to the Maternal Mental Health Leadership Alliance, maternal mental health disorders affect hundreds of thousands of families every year, yet so many people still go untreated because of stigma or lack of screening, limited access to care, financial barriers, or simply not recognizing what they're experiencing. And honestly, I think that says a lot about how normalized the idea of maternal suffering has become in our culture. Because so many moms don't even realize they're struggling. They just have this belief like, this is motherhood. I should be able to handle this. Everybody else that I know that's a mom seems fine. I'm probably just not good at this, right? And I too have been guilty of thinking those things, especially early on in motherhood when I was struggling with my own perinatal mental health issues. And I really think that this is also why it's just so important for people to understand that not every perinatal mental health struggle looks like sadness. Because sometimes it does look like rage or over stimulation, numbness, resentment, panic, or just feeling completely disconnected from yourself. And sometimes it looks like a person saying, I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't tell you how often I hear that in my office. And honestly, that makes so much sense because motherhood is not just the birth of a baby. It's also the birth of a mother. And there's actually a word for that. Um, this transformation is called matrescence. I feel like I've touched on this before in previous episodes, but if you haven't listened, matrescence refers to this massive physical, hormonal, emotional, relational, psychological, and identity shifts that are occurring when somebody becomes a mother. And yet so many people go through this huge transition believing that they're failing because no one prepared them for just how disorienting this transition can feel. And, you know, I think there's so much talk and preparation that goes into preparing for the baby to come, right? Like we have a registry with all of the things that the baby needs, and we have a Pinterest board for the nursery that we've created. And maybe we've had a birth plan with our Jewler or midwife or OB, and we have to research and pick out this perfect car seat. And we spend all of this time preparing for the baby, and we spend very little time preparing women, and I would even argue preparing families, couples for what it might feel like to psychologically and emotionally become someone entirely new. Because this transition into parenthood, becoming a mother, it does change things. It changes our body. That's like an obvious duh, right? Like it changes our brain, it changes our nervous system, the relationships that we have with people, the things that we prioritize, our freedom, our identity. And sometimes what I feel like is the hardest for a lot of women, myself included, is that we feel this immense deep love for our children. And also we're experiencing this grief for the parts of us who used to be and who are no longer there. And this doesn't make us bad moms. This just makes us human. It's normal to grieve these parts of us who are now, you know, no longer present. They've sort of taken a backseat. You know, another thing that I really wish more people talked about is uh this idea of maternal rage because this is one that so many mothers whisper about quietly behind closed doors while also experiencing huge amounts of shame. And the truth is that I don't believe that moms are angry people. Oftentimes this anger comes from feeling unsupported. These are unsupported people. These are overstimulated people, sleep-deprived people, people who are carrying the invisible labor of an entire household. These are people who haven't had a moment alone in days. These are people who are constantly anticipating everyone else's needs while suppressing their own. And eventually, you know, our nervous systems say, I cannot keep functioning like this. And I think that we really need to stop individualizing what are often very understandable responses to this chronic overwhelm and lack of support because mothers were never meant to carry all of this alone. Another thing I don't think we talk about enough is intrusive thoughts. And if you've ever experienced intrusive thoughts during pregnancy or postpartum, I need you to hear this. Intrusive thoughts are common. I feel like intrusive thoughts are common. They happen to over 90% of people. And that's not just the moms. Oftentimes I hear of the partner or the non-birthing parent also experiencing intrusive thoughts during this sort of perinatal period. And intrusive thoughts are these unwanted, distressing thoughts that often show up because someone is anxious and hyper-aware of keeping their baby safe. And mothers are often terrified to talk about them because they think, like, what kind of person thinks this? You know, what's wrong with me? Um, but having intrusive thoughts does not mean that you want something bad to happen. In fact, most mothers who are experiencing intrusive thoughts are horrified by them. And I do oftentimes hear, followed by the intrusive thought from the moms that I'm working with in my office, like, what is wrong with me? Right? Like, does this mean that I'm not fit to be a mom? Have I made a huge mistake? Things like that. But unfortunately, you know, more times than not, stigma, fear, um, all of those things keep people from seeking support when they're struggling with intrusive thoughts. And so again, I just really want to normalize that intrusive thoughts are so common. And if this is something that you've struggled with or you are struggling with, please know that you're not alone. Um, I think this is also why it's really important for people to seek out support from individuals, therapists, professionals who are trained in perinatal mental health. I always tell my clients, you know, I always assess for intrusive thoughts or anything like this. And I'm always telling them I know the difference between a thought that I should be worried about and a thought that's common because of my training. Um, and not everybody has training in perinatal mental health. And so again, it's just why it's really important to make sure whenever you're seeking support, that you're seeking out support from somebody who has experience with these types of things. Because again, nothing is going to keep somebody from seeking support more than when they finally do, and then they don't get the support they need, or, you know, there's this new fear and stigma that's created based on the reaction of the person that they're sharing their experience with. I also think we need to talk more honestly about the loneliness in motherhood, because we are parenting more isolated than humans were ever designed to. And many parents are raising children without nearby family, without community support, without adequate parental leave, without affordable childcare or accessible child care, without time to rest, and without spaces to just be really honest about how hard this can feel. And then we live in 2026 and the age of Instagram and TikTok and Facebook. And social media just really adds on this whole other layer where motherhood is constantly being packaged into these sort of, you know, perfect aesthetic moments while many women are quietly drowning beneath the surface. And I just think that this disconnect can really make people feel more alone. I remember taking a note to myself in a session a couple months ago, and I probably still have it here, like in my notes on my computer somewhere, but I just wrote down like, what is it with our society's like obsession with hyperindependence? And why is everybody trying to be so hyper-independent and like prove themselves that they can do it all? Because it's just, it just makes things so much harder. Also, I kind of alluded to this earlier, and I've done an episode or, you know, maybe briefly touched on this in previous episodes, but I really feel like one of the biggest things impacting maternal mental health that still really gets minimized is the mental load and, you know, this constant cognitive labor, remembering appointments, packing the diaper bag, keeping track of school forms, planning meals, knowing clothes sizes, uh, thinking ahead constantly. You know, I saw um a meme or something going around this week because of Mother's Day, and it was like, of course, Mother's Day would be celebrated in, you know, the craziest month, May, when we're also trying to do all of these end-of-school year things or people have kids graduating and then, you know, school's out. So we're also trying to figure out what the hell we're gonna do with our kids all summer. Like it just makes perfect sense, right? Like, let's just smack another holiday that's supposed to celebrate us in the month when things feel the most chaotic. So, you know, the mental load isn't just doing tasks. It's the idea that we never really get to fully stop thinking. And over time, this level of cognitive and emotional labor really starts to impact people's nervous systems and their relationships and their identities and their overall well-being. And we know that when any type of periodal mental health struggle goes untreated, that impact also extends far beyond the mother herself. And it affects the relationships and the attachment to our children, our physical health, the systems that our family is, you know, running in, it impacts our workload, our workplaces, and also our children. And so I think sometimes that reality gets misunderstood as pressure or blame towards mothers, but that's not the point. The point is actually the opposite. It's when we support mothers, the entire family benefits, right? So healthy mothers matter, supported mothers matter. And the idea of paradienal mental health or maternal mental health, it's just not a luxury issue. It's really a public health issue. You know, maternal mental health or peridienal mental health, it's not just about individual coping skills, because it is deeply impacted by the systems and the policies, access to care, um, economic stress, community support, racism, parental leave, childcare access, and really whether mothers are actually getting the support that they need after they give birth. Because we can't continue to ask mothers to function in unsupported systems and then act surprised when so many moms are struggling. And according to MMHLA, about 75% of women experiencing maternal mental health conditions go untreated. 75%. So that means that so many mothers are silently carrying anxiety, depression, panic, overwhelm, intrusive thoughts, grief, emotional exhaustion, all of these things, right? While showing up every single day, convincing everyone around them that they're totally fine. And that is just mind-boggling. But also, I mean, we're moms, right? Like that's just what we do. But it's not what we should have to do. There should be better systems in place, there should be more support available. And, you know, I also think that this is important. I I wish that more moms understood that if we are struggling during motherhood, this doesn't mean that we're failing at motherhood. And you're not weak for needing support, you're not a bad mom for feeling overwhelmed, you're not broken because motherhood has changed you. Of course it's changed you. And, you know, again, this is this whole idea of matrescence. And support matters, therapy matters, sleep, sleep matters, community matters, partners sharing this invisible load that moms carry matters. And also being able to say, I'm okay without shame matters. And honestly, I think for a long time that a lot of these perinatal or maternal mental health conversations focus primarily on crisis intervention. And that does matter. But I also want us to move forward towards creating cultures and systems where moms don't have to completely fall apart and it be, you know, an SOS moment before they deserve care, rest, support, compassion, all of the things. Because struggling in motherhood should not be treated as a personal failure when so many moms are navigating impossible expectations with really, really inadequate support. And if you are a mom listening and you're struggling, please know that there are so many amazing, wonderful resources available. Organizations like Postpartum Support International who offer education and support groups. They have provider directories that you can go in and you can put in your zip code, your state, even your insurance, and find providers that are trained in paridatal mental health. There's also tons of resources for parents and families who might be navigating paridatal mental health challenges. And there's also more macro level resources available, like the Maternal Mental Health Leadership Alliance that I mentioned earlier. And this organization I love, and they just provide just really incredible advocacy and education and information around maternal mental health awareness policy and systemic support. You know, again, you don't have to wait until things feel unbearable to deserve support. And before I end today's episode, I just want to say this. I think many mothers are carrying grief, pressure, loneliness, resentment, exhaustion, guilt, and identity shifts that were never meant to be carried in isolation. And the more honestly that we talk about motherhood, not just the beautiful parts, but the complicated parts too, the more permission we give people to be human inside of it. Because motherhood is not simply about raising children. It is also about the continual becoming of a mother. So thank you guys so much for being here today. If this episode resonated with you, I would love it if you shared it with another parent, left a review, or sent me a message about what stood out most to you. And as always, thank you for being here for these conversations. Have a great day. Hey, thanks for being here and spending some time with me on Reproductively Speaking. I hope today's conversation left you feeling a little more seen, supported, and maybe even inspired. If it did, share this episode with a friend who might need it. And don't forget to subscribe or leave a review. It truly makes a difference. Until next time, take care of your mind, your relationships, and yourself. You got this.