UNSTUCKABLE
UNSTUCKABLE is a bi-weekly podcast about getting out of your own way. Coach Kirsty and her husband Anthony bring you conversations, stories and strategies to help you navigate change, quiet self-doubt, and keep moving forward.
UNSTUCKABLE
Episode 12: A Coaching Practice For Men At A Crossroads
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That quiet thought of “Is this it?” can hit even when life looks successful on paper. We’re back after a chaotic patch of work, parenting, and illness, and we share a big update: Anthony has launched his own arm of the business and started coaching men who feel stuck, lost, or like they’ve been coasting for years.
We talk honestly about what “purpose” actually means for men at a crossroads, especially when the old blueprints no longer fit modern life. Chasing money and job titles can bring comfort and options, but it can also lead to burnout and a strange emptiness. We explore the difference between external motivators and internal motivators, why wealth has diminishing returns for happiness, and how building a purpose-driven life can steady your confidence, career direction, and relationships.
Anth explains what a free discovery call looks like, how he approaches support without pressure, and why this work feels like his real purpose after years in psychology, learning and development, and instructional design.
You’ll also hear a practical mindset tool we love: the “ghost race” idea, where you stop competing with everyone else and start measuring progress against your past self. We finish with a plug for Men Walking and Talking, a simple weekly walking group that creates space for men’s mental health support through conversation, banter, or even silence.
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Reach Anth via:
Instagram (Anth_expansionscoaching)
LinkedIn (Anthony Knott)
Email (anthony@expansionscoaching.co.uk)
We’re Back And Life Got Busy
SPEAKER_00Hello and welcome back to our next episode of Unstuckable.
SPEAKER_02It's been a nice break, hasn't it?
SPEAKER_00Well, you say a break, apologies. We did say we're gonna do them bi-weekly, and we have fell off track um across February due to some personal issues. Um however, that's what happens when you're running a business and you're married and you've got a toddler who loves to get ill all the bloody time. But yeah, it's gonna say what you're on about personal issues, but well, yeah, just nothing serious, nothing serious life, toddler illnesses, yeah, all that drama.
SPEAKER_02He's been really poorly lately. Um, and obviously we've got lots of other stuff going on in relation to the business. It's just been really busy and really chaotic, hasn't it?
Anthony Launches Men’s Coaching
SPEAKER_00Yeah. But we are getting back on track for now until he's sick again. Friggin' probably tomorrow no on him. So anyway, this episode is a little bit different because there's been some slight change, uh slight changes to the business. I don't know if we'll word it that way, but you have started coaching now. So obviously, there was always a desire for you to join the business. Um, however, obviously you're working full time, which you're still doing. Um, and now you have ultimately launched your arm of the business, right? You've now got your Instagram account and you're talking about it online, and you've got some clients. So why don't we start with um tell a little bit about what it is you're doing?
From Psychology To Coaching
SPEAKER_02Yeah, love to, love to talk about myself. Um as always. So the I think where we last left off, it was sort of in that period where I was just setting up my Instagram account and um launching my offering, my practice basically. Um, yes, I've been working with some clients um promoting me services online or a bit of content creation. I don't like being a content creator, but it's it's a needs-must situation, and um I try to find the join up where I can. Um so that's been a bit of a learning curve. But yes, in terms of the coaching itself, sort of give a bit of um detail around that. So, like as is the case with you where you work with women, yeah um and you have your own specialty around that, which we've talked about. For me, it's about working with men, and the way that I frame this, I suppose, the way I position this is it's men at a crossroads, men who might have been working hard all their life, climbing a career ladder. Um, you know, I think a lot of people can identify with that, men and women, um, or you might just be the type that's just been coasting, you know, letting things come, letting things happen organically. I can certainly identify with that myself. And um, at some point, these men are now sort of find themselves thinking, is this it? And it's yeah, it's just that that questioning of where they're headed, and really the idea is to help them find direction, find purpose. So where they might have been lacking it previously, or maybe that purpose that they thought they had doesn't quite align with them anymore. It's about helping them rediscover what that is and what it means to them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so why specifically men? Why specifically men at a crossroads, men who want to find their purpose, men on maybe coasting? Why those particular blokes?
SPEAKER_02Because I get shy when I talk to lasses.
SPEAKER_00Because I knock you out if you talk to lasses. Jokes.
SPEAKER_02No, that's the real reason. The the fact is I can identify with that pretty well. Certainly the coasting bit. I mean, I'm fortunate nowadays to have built a bit of a career that I really value, I enjoy. Learning and development is something that I'm good at, that I've that I've really sort of um built my skills around and get a lot of value out of and uh satisfaction from. Um it comes from your psychology background, so you'll remember I studied for psych a psychology degree thinking I would become a CBT therapist. So cognitive behavioural therapy, that was the uh that was the goal for a bit. And then until I realised actually that degree will not get you that career, you've got to do additional training. And in fact, you probably didn't need to get the degree anyway. You could have just done the training straight away and fast factor. So after six years of doing part-time study alongside a full-time job, to be hit with that realization, was like, maybe as I'll just park that. But in fact, that was really useful, really valuable for me because it informed my learning development career, it helped us become better at that. So adult learning theory and um all the things that help to understand what makes people tick in a learning environment always cover Jumi Psychology degree.
SPEAKER_00But it's all helpful for the coaching, right? Exactly. That's the point, exactly.
SPEAKER_02And to bring it back to the therapy idea, so coaching isn't therapy, but coaching is supportive and it's encouraging and it's promoting that person and helping to build them up. Yeah, um, a lot of CBT therapists will direct their uh clients onto coaching. They'll say, right, we've done the work, we've unpacked what is holding you back right now, what the what the issues are that have caused those anxieties. Now you want to think about how you move forward. Yeah, right. So once you've dealt with it, dealt with it, you've unpacked it. It's like what do those next steps look for, look like, and it's all about coaching at that point. That's the handoff. Yeah. And I just want to bring it back a second because I don't I'm not trying to paint a picture and say people who've gone through therapy and people who have dealt with challenges. That's could be part of it, you know. There's a well-being slant to my practice, but it it mainly is those those men who are starting to drift, I suppose, in life, or thinking they're starting to drift, and it's how to get back on track or discover what that track looks like.
SPEAKER_00So you say drifting, what do you mean by that?
Cancer And Taking Control
What Purpose Really Means
SPEAKER_02Uh I mean I went off on a tangent a bit there, but it's that thing that I identify with. So for me, I spent many years in my adult life um just letting things come, just letting things happen organically. Um, the fact of the matter is, whatever I've turned my hand to professionally, I've always been really good at. And I spent a lot of years just in basic customer service, loads of years, too many years. And it wasn't until I started to really think about what it was I wanted to do in terms of my career and my life that I started to gain traction. You helped in that regard, obviously, because you did, and um, I was able to find me ambition with a bit of encouragement, and you basically just asking the questions, the questions that I wasn't asking myself, just coaching you without realising, without realising, that's the thing. So, yeah, I got helped by that, by your influence. Some people don't have that, yeah. Um, another sort of milestone, I suppose, in this journey has been the cancer. He's talking about cancer again, yay! Um, will you? I know, move along. But the the fact of the matter is, even at that point, there were still things happening career-wise, there were still things happening in life where I was just sort of allowing things to unfold in front of us and just sort of dealing with the situation I was presented with. And then the cancer hit, and I was like, I am I've got to start taking the bull by the horns, yeah. Yeah, like I've realized, you know, I've still I felt like I stared death in the face, and it was like I cannot live another day where I'm just sort of letting things unfold. I need to be more in control. Yeah, and I feel like without that cancer diagnosis or without your influence, you know, I might I might be doing a trainer job still, I might still be facilitating. Yeah, you know, it's it anything could have happened, so yeah, it's about being that person, that that that man who can ex sort of ex help people explore these things that maybe they're not um exploring themselves or haven't really thought about themselves, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And like part of what you've been saying is like you help men find their purpose, right? So, what do you mean by that? Like, how do you help them find the purpose, and what does it mean to have a purpose?
SPEAKER_02Basically, get on the gear, get in the gym, take these peptides, shut up, invest in me crypto. The opposite of all of that, then the opposite of all that, but I'm not gonna talk about that. The the idea or the question, I suppose, around purpose is becoming asked more and more regularly currently, which I invite, and I like the fact that this is happening. I think over time we use that word drift, and I think our understanding of what it means to be a man, even has drifted, or so or in me in men's minds it has, some men's minds it has, and it sort of leads us to this questioning of what a man's purpose is. Before I get into the deep end, I just want to focus on what my practice does, and it ultimately is what you've just said, it's about discovering your purpose because it isn't as simple as climbing a career ladder, like you can work hard and you can uh follow the money, and that will help you provide for your family, maybe, or provide for yourself. It might fund a lifestyle, but it might not give you anything more than that. And if you do for long enough, then what are you left with? It's it's it's it's that kind of situation that spawns the question. Yeah, is this it? I was speaking to a guy recently who um had been talking about how he had worked hard, had worked his way up the ladder, making good money, and then he just burned out. He just burned out. He thought that was what he was supposed to be doing, didn't question it, didn't like it.
SPEAKER_00That's men were supposed to be the breadwinners, go to work, graft, bring the money in, wife stays at home, very traditional sort of values and stuff, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it's the if that is all you're trying to do, you are just doing it for the money, and actually now, you know, a lot of women do work as well and they also contribute, then you're not the sole provider, so then what's the point? Yeah, what's the purpose?
SPEAKER_02I said we're not gonna I'm not gonna go um into in-depth around this conversation, but you've really just touched on one of those key aspects around why men have started to drift a little bit in understanding their purpose because those ideas around being a man and masculinity have been challenged through no one's fault, other than the fact that women are now self-sufficient and empowered and you know, all great stuff, but unfortunately, there's a lot of men who are like not aware of what it is that they should be doing in in this sort of new world that we live in. Yeah, like that those those ideas that we've inherited over the generations are now being not challenged, but they don't strictly apply anymore, yeah. So that's where the purpose thing comes in. It's like, okay, well, you know, you don't have to worry about that because you're your own man and you can do whatever you want as long as you've got the ambition and the drive, and that's where coaching can really be a good uh intervention for someone in that position.
SPEAKER_00And I think the key thing with what you talk about as well is it's like that external versus internal motivators, right? And like it's that if you are just spending your life chasing the money, then what happens? Like, let's say there's so many successful people out there who've made so much money and then that miserable as sin. And it's like the point is it's not about the money. You can have some of the poorest people in the world or some of the happiest.
SPEAKER_02If you if if wealth will make you happy, will buy happiness, then why are so many wealthy people just why do they seem so angry and so not so sad and yeah, just raging all the time? Like it's clearly not it's clearly not a simple equation.
SPEAKER_00But there's lovely statistics, isn't there, about how you can get to you get to a certain level of wealth and then that's it, happiness drops off. Like there's what else is there to do? What else is there to do? There's a certain level, and it's like, well, how much more shit can you buy?
The Ghost Race Mindset
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's it's it's not about driving wealth or driving income. Those things, and I say this in my social media content, those things can come and can be the rewards of an ambitious, motivated life, purpose-driven life, and I will always support men to achieve those things, but not with the sole aim of just accumulation, yeah, money, lifestyle. You know, it's not about that, it's about what matters to you, figure that out, and all those things will come as a consequence of you working on yourself. And another thing that's really important around the purpose-driven life is that it removes the need to start comparing and competing with others, yeah, which is a big thing for me. So I did a social media post where I talked about the ghost race. Um, so the ghost race is a here we go, nerdy time, time to geek out. Time to go asleep. So there's um classically, there's been racing games that you can play where there's different modes, and the traditional mode is to hit the track and race against other racers. Great, great fun. But all the time that you're playing a game like that, you are competing against others, and you're always trying to sort of cut people off and get ahead, and it and and it's all about win or lose. In a ghost race, it's all about improvement. So you drop on a track, you race around the track, you clock a time, you go again. This time you've got a little ghost representative, it represents you on the previous lap. So you were essentially racing yourself, the next lap.
SPEAKER_00I love how excited you're getting about this, Valley.
SPEAKER_02Because I've I play this game and it's one of my favourite modes. And so you're racing against yourself, and maybe you don't beat them on that next lap, but it's alright because as soon as you go over that that finish line, it starts again and you're back against that previous version of yourself, and it's all just about self-improving, it's about bettering yourself, right? 1% better every single time, until the point where you keep doing it, you keep doing it before you know it, you're absolutely blasting round this track much faster than you would have if you were just you know racing against others. Because when you race against others, it doesn't really matter about the time or the performance, it's just about finishing first, yeah, and you can have a sloppy race and finish first, whereas in the ghost race, you are getting ahead and ahead you ahead of yourself and ahead of yourself, you're improving, improving your skills, improving your capability until you become this well-oiled machine, just absolutely raking it around. Yeah, yeah.
What A Discovery Call Looks Like
SPEAKER_00Okay. So if I was a bloke and I wanted to come to do some coaching, or I want to understand a little bit more about coaching with you, what would they expect if they reached out, got on a call with you?
SPEAKER_02Well, I'm dead, can he?
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah?
SPEAKER_02Not you. To the bin. You know I am. Um yeah, I mean, ultimately I'm joking, but it's you know, I I like to think I'm quite sound, and we will literally just have a no obligation, no pressure chat. We'll just talk about where you're at, what you're thinking, what you're looking to achieve. And if those things aren't clear in your mind, you just know in your bones that something needs to change. There's something more, yeah. That that's as good a starting point as any. In fact, I would applaud anyone that recognise that, recognises that and reaches out. Someone who maybe has a bit of a plan in mind but needs some support getting it, great. But someone who's like, you know what it is, I'm not even sure, I just know something needs to change. Yeah, you know, hats off to that individual, so yeah, and then that's it. So we'll just we'll just have that conversation, we'll figure out what it is in that moment that um the work looks like, yeah, and then we can arrange something off the back of that. And you know, it's a free discovery call. Um, obviously, I'm looking at paid for my work, but the discovery call itself will offer some value.
SPEAKER_00Oh, it can't be so powerful. I did one with so I did one with a with um somebody a few weeks ago, and she had an interview the next day, and it ended up I just went, right, never mind discovery call, quick, let's get you sorted, let's get you prepped, let's get you ready for this interview tomorrow. What do we need to do? How do we help with your confidence? All that sort of stuff, and then the next day she was like, Oh my god, I got the job, and she couldn't believe it. And it was like, Yeah, like even that just a quick half an hour can be so powerful to really help somebody.
SPEAKER_02Um I mean I mean, I don't want anyone taking a lend of us. Well no, but but at the same time, yeah, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna um sort of gatekeep or or hold back in my conversation. If someone if I can identify that someone needs some support and that's a there's an element of support to be offered during that initial conversation, they'll get it. Yeah, they'll get it in the same way that you know you could maybe expect it from talking to a friend, like yeah, that's just how I roll.
Why Coaching Is His Purpose
SPEAKER_00So um, so you're talking about blokes finding that purpose, helping them and supporting them with all that sort of stuff. So well, what's your purpose? Why are you doing it? Why are you doing this work? Why do you want to do it?
SPEAKER_02I mean, this ultimately coaching, I have found it to be my purpose. Like from the psychology degree, well, not even this from the customer service jobs to the psychology degree, to the training, to the LD, to the instructional design. It's always been in service of someone or other people. It's always been that. It's where my um passion lies, it's where my strengths lie. As an instructional designer, I get a lot of enjoyment from that job. I like to create, I like to make videos and animations and gamify the learning experience and you know, all the things you've you've heard as I talk about, I geek out about my work, don't I? Yeah, yeah, cringing it. Um but this feels like um something that runs deeper inside of us. Like it there's something in my core that gets lit up by this work, and I feel like that is hopefully that that is realised and that's recognised with my clients. Like they know they're getting the real deal when they work with me. It's not it's not a money spinner, I'm not out here just to make a career and follow the money. Like this to me is my purpose, and it took a while to realise, but ultimately it's where my strengths line is where I think I can bring the most value as well.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, definitely. Okay, so if anybody was interested in learning some more or getting in touch with you, how can they do that?
SPEAKER_02Instagram is where I post most frequently, um, at anth underscore expansions coaching. I'll put that in the description and I'll uh put a little graphic up on the screen as well as I'm talking. I'm on LinkedIn, I don't post as much on LinkedIn. I'm about to start doing more LinkedIn, I think. We've just been and done a talk. Uh we've just been at a networking event and we had a speaking gig there. It's called platform pl underscore T F O R M. And it was really good, and it's actually made us think, you know what is, I need to be more focused on the business side of things as well. This is the thing, like I because I'm so passionate about coaching and working with men and um the the the job itself, the business side, you've been the most invested in the business side, haven't you? Because you've you've been doing it full time, whereas I've been working. Um, so I need to get a little bit more savvy with all of that, and I think, yeah, posting more on LinkedIn, Anthony Not me, full name. Um, yeah, those are the main spaces, obviously, these little bits on Facebook.
SPEAKER_00We'll be doing some work with the website soon as well. But ultimately, the best place to catch them is Instagram. Get Instagram, drop my DM, and go from there.
Men Walking And Talking Volunteering
SPEAKER_02Correct. Yeah, thank you for that. Because I was waffling. Um I'm gonna do a little plug before we end. Men walking and talking. Okay. So so this hopefully it shows just where my head's at and where my heart's at. Um I've recently started volunteering to do uh a walk, a charity walk, and it's for uh a charity called Men Walking and Talking. So the premise is there are these walks being led all over the country. There's about 80 of them now, and I expect that number to jump up again soon because it's grown in popularity. You've got these volunteers all over the country, and they'll literally just meet at a certain spot at a certain time through the week, and they will just go for a walk. Nice walk.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, same time every single week, same location.
SPEAKER_02Literally, that is the premise, it's as simple as that. The idea being is they're creating a space where men can come and feel comfortable in sharing whilst walking alongside each other. It's not we're not mental health professionals, but we are caring enough and empathetic enough to even bother to do this thing. I think it's important that we invest in this kind of thing. You know, if you think about men's mental health, it's been a topic for a while now. I think people have really twigged onto the fact that men need help with their mental health, but men being men, they're not necessarily going to go out their way to seek the support. With this, it's because it's so low pressure, so easy to get into, you're literally just going for a walk. Yeah, and you could do so-big crack with people. Yeah, you could do so in silence, you don't have to bring anything like particularly meaningful to the conversation, but the space is there if you want to, yeah. And that's it. So no pressure, nice and relaxed, bit of friendly banter, like, and that's what it's about. And if you have something to bring the conversation, you bring it and we'll listen.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So if you live in the northeast, you meet at Stace Calf in Gateshead and walk along the quayside every Wednesday at 6 30 pm. And if you don't live in the northeast, go and check out men's walking and talking. Is it men walking and talking or men's walking and talking?
SPEAKER_02Men walking and e you've men walking and talking.
SPEAKER_00Right. Yeah, go and check out men walking and talking on Facebook um and you'll see, yeah, all the different locations that they do.
SPEAKER_02And there's two in the northeast, Gate said, which is the one on our lead, and live. And then beyond that, that yeah, they're dotted all over the country. So if you happen to listen to this and you're not from the northeast, just look up Men Walking and Talking. They're on Facebook, they've got their own website, you can just Google it and you'll find it. Yeah. Yeah, I think we've uh we've covered everything that we need with this. So thank you for listening. We'll try and be a bit more regular. With these now.
SPEAKER_00We will be more regular with these now.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, well you never know whether Ben, but yes. Yeah, yeah, we will.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we'll be more regular.
SPEAKER_02We will be more regular with these, and we'll have a new topic to talk about in a couple of weeks' time. Yeah. Um, once again, if you like what you've heard about me and my practice, then feel free to get in touch. The Amazon Instagram's probably the best route.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And please make sure you're liking, you're sharing, you're subscribing, because this is what is going to help us with growing the podcast and growing the business ultimately. So thank you.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, thank you. Until the next one. Bye.