Born To Be Her

How to Step Into The Life You're Made For

• Fionnuala Wylie • Season 1 • Episode 5

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What if the life you want isn’t something you chase, but something you become? From the tender, transforming space of early motherhood, I share a real, practical path to holding a higher vision and growing into it—without abandoning what already brings you joy. We look at the two engines of desire—lack and love—and choose the one that expands your capacity instead of shrinking your world.

I unpack how identity shapes reality: the same thoughts, emotions, and micro-choices will keep producing the same results. So we get specific about shifting state with simple, repeatable tools. You’ll hear how I use a fear inventory to rewrite limiting stories, why energy work helps the body feel safe in expansion, and how tiny daily cues—your workspace, your mug, your morning—teach your nervous system the feeling of the future. We also dig into mental rehearsal: recording present-tense visualisations and listening at the times your brain is most open, so your body believes what your calendar hasn’t caught up to yet.

Then we make it real with aligned action. Book the thing. Send the message. Invest in support that holds your bigger self when courage wobbles. I share the decisions that anchored my own future—running retreats, serving clients, and mothering with devotion—so you can spot your next brave step, whether it’s small and steady or big and thrilling. If your season already feels aligned, receive it fully. If a new chapter is calling, trust the pull and move with it.

If this conversation sparks something, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s ready to expand, and tell me your one clear desire—and the first action you’ll take—over on Instagram @fionnualawylie . Your future self is already waiting; will you meet her today?

SPEAKER_00:

Hello, welcome back to the Born to Be Her podcast. I'm your host, Panola Wiley, and it truly feels so incredible to be able to connect with you in this way. Whether you are out for a walk right now or maybe you're listening to this on a drive or even just sitting and having a cup of tea, it really feels so special to be able to be inside of your ears and to be able to have this conversation with you today. In this episode, we're going to be diving into how you can hold a vision for the life that you desire and to allow that vision to become your reality. And I'm really excited to talk about this topic because it really encompasses all of the different areas of my work and how I love to support the incredible humans who step into the work that I do with them. Because I really love to support the incredible humans that I get to work with on all layers of our being, the energetic layer of our being, the mental layers, so working with our mindset and also the embodiment piece around the person that we're stepping into, the woman that we're here to become. And this idea of being able to hold a higher vision for what it is that we want really asks of us to support ourselves on all of those different layers. In order to expand into what's truly possible for us, we have to look at every single aspect of our being. And so this is what we're going to be diving into on this podcast today. And I really wanted to speak to this having moved through a huge season of change in what I've already spoken to on previous episodes, this new season of becoming a mum. And really, this being a season where there were a lot of unknowns for me. I've never been a mum before. This is my first experience of it. We are almost six months postpartum now, and I did a lot of work in preparation to becoming a mum in this new season during my pregnancy, and I could really see how a lot of the things that I did during that season have allowed for me to begin to step into that vision of what it is that I really desire for this season to look like. Or we see this version of motherhood where we choose to be the boss babe who continues to be independent, who goes after her dreams, when really that makes it super challenging to be present to the children that we have. And neither of those really appealed to me. I knew that my desire was to have this chapter of my life being a chapter where I was able to be devoted to being a mother, and also a chapter where I was also able to be devoted fully to my business, to my work, to my own life mission. Of course, being a mum feels very connected to my purpose as well. But I wanted to stay connected to the things that I have already cultivated in my life, which have brought me so much joy and so much fulfillment up until this point. And so let's dive into how we can allow ourselves to firstly create the vision of what it is that we want, how we can allow ourselves to move towards it, and then how we can actually allow ourselves to step into whatever that is. Because this is a big part of the path of becoming the person that we are here to be. The whole mission behind this podcast is our ability to envision what that looks like and then actually step into it. And this is part of our soul's path. We can make ourselves wrong for having wants and desires for life to look different, but in reality, this is often part and parcel of how we allow ourselves to actually evolve. It is important for us to want more for ourselves. It is important for us to allow ourselves to honour the fact that there is potentially more that we want for our lives. And it's also really important that if we're in a season where life feels really aligned and it feels really fulfilling and it feels like we've did a lot of that work already, that we also allow ourselves to have that too. It's not that we always have to be seeking more. And sometimes it can be really challenging when we're in a season that we've already did a lot of that work to get to to allow ourselves to actually have it. So if that feels true for you right now, amazing. But if you're in a point in your life where you know there's changes coming, where you know that there's things that you want to shift and evolve into, then this episode is definitely for you. So let's firstly talk about this piece around desire, this piece around feeling into what the vision actually is. Because there are two very different energies that we can start to cultivate a desire from. We can start to cultivate a desire from a feeling of lack, where we are looking at our lives and we feel like, oh, we just don't have enough of the thing that we want, where everything feels crappy or nothing's working out for us. And so we're trying to like force and almost like in this really masculine way, move towards what it is that we want from this very heavy place, or we can create desire and tap into desire from feelings of love and expansion. And this is really where we want to cultivate the desires that we have for our life from, to lead our life from that place of love and expansion. And it's not to say that it's wrong when we witness that there are things inside of our life that we don't want anymore, that we want to shift and change, but we want don't want that to be the only thing that fuels the steps forwards. Because often when we start to move from that place, that's what the steps we're taking are also fueled by. And it doesn't really allow us to expand into more of what it is that we want. And so this gets to be really simple. It gets to be a simple shift where we don't start by asking ourselves, what do we not want any more of? Which can be often where we begin, where we almost like move from the place of our past memories, the feelings we don't want, the thoughts that we're having all the time, the emotions that we're having all the time. But we instead ask ourselves a very simple question, simple but often challenging. What do I want? What do I want? And when we ask ourselves that question, it's really important that we allow ourselves to be true to whatever that is, to not play small inside of what it is that we want, to not for even if it's just five minutes, to not allow ourselves to say, oh, well, I know that's definitely not possible for me, or there's no point thinking about that because I know that I can't have it. But to get really honest with ourselves about what it is that we actually want. Because what I really know to be true about our desires is that they're often unique. They're often not something that we see everybody else in our life doing because we are all supposed to be on our own divine path. And they're also not meant to feel comfortable. The fact that you're telling yourself that it's not possible for you or that it can't be true for you is probably the really great sign that you need to know that this is exactly where you're meant to be moving towards. And as I was envisioning what I wanted my life to look like this side of postpartum, I did a lot of that questioning around is it actually possible for me to do both? Is it actually possible for me to continue to run international retreats in the way that I love when I have a family? Is it actually possible for me to continue to support incredible women? Knowing that I'm going to be sleep deprived and, you know, have these new challenges around my time and all of the things, is that actually possible? And the thing that allowed me to know that this was my path was asking myself the question around why I wanted those things. Were they true desires of mine? Did they allow my heart to expand? Did they allow me to feel filled with love when I envisioned that being my reality? Not that I need to do this thing because I don't want life to look a certain way or I don't want to lose those things that I've already created, but actually, can I create a vision around what feels true for me as I enter into this new season? So I invite you to spend some time getting really honest with yourself around what it is that you truly want. Can you allow yourself to be honest and true to whatever that is? And then you get to do the work that allows you to begin to embody whatever that desire is. And so let's talk about the next step. In order to step into the desires that we have, in order for us to allow that to become a reality, we have to become the vision. And in order to do that, we have to change our state of being as we are now. It is impossible for us to create a new reality with the same thoughts, with the same emotions, with the same decisions that we're already making. It's impossible for us to create a new reality from that space. Someone that I really, really love when it comes to talking about manifestation is Joe Dispenza. If you haven't ever looked at his work, I highly recommend it. He is the most spiritual scientific human I've ever came across. He really merges those two worlds where he talks about the quantum field and expanding our reality, but he does a lot of scientific research to be able to back up what he talks about. And he talks about this idea that we literally cannot create a new reality from the same personality and same emotional state that created our current one. So, in order to manifest something new, we have to change our state of being, which means that we have to align our thoughts and our emotions with the future that we desire. So if we begin to tap into whatever the desire is and suddenly we feel fear and anxiety and all of the thoughts and reasons that we have told ourselves that that is not possible, are the only things that we allow ourselves to experience, it is really difficult for us to then take action towards what it is that we want. And so we want to start to think about how I can start to cultivate thoughts and feelings that are aligned with this vision. And this often means that we have to look at the thoughts and the emotions that are holding us back from stepping into that reality, and we have to begin to allow ourselves to change those. This can look like so many different things. Something that I love to do with my clients and also personally is a fear inventory. So we write down all of the reasons that we can't have the thing that we want, and we begin to challenge each and every one of those. And this becomes like a bread and butter practice, something that we do on the daily, so that the new thoughts and the new beliefs that we are anchoring in start to feel like they are more possible for us, that they can be our reality. It feels like we can begin to get our energy behind them a little more because just like the old thoughts and beliefs that we've had, we're beginning to repeat them over and over and over again. And this is what allows our mind to begin to rewire and to cultivate new thoughts and beliefs. And what we know to be true about our thoughts and how we speak to ourselves is that also has a direct influence on how we feel. If we are telling ourselves loving, expansive thoughts around what it is that we are stepping into, of course, we're going to begin to feel differently about that. And another really beautiful truth about that loop, the thoughts and feelings being connected to one another, is that we can also begin to create change by looking at our emotions and our energy. Our thoughts and our emotions are often what create our vibrational frequency or energetic field. And so, if we can also think about how we can change our energy about something, how we can change our emotions about something, that will also fuel how we think about it. This is why I love energy work. It is why I love Reiki, because it's this almost like supercharged path that we can take to begin to shift our thoughts. When we've shifted our energy, when we've shifted the emotions and anything stuck in the body, what we can often find is that suddenly our thoughts feel different, or we're speaking to ourselves differently about what is truly possible for us. This is why I do energy work every single day on myself. But if you don't have an energetic practice right now, we can absolutely begin with thoughts and our emotions. So, in this lead up to becoming a mum, this is something that I did every single day as I anchored in my new reality. One of my favourite practices, you may have heard me speak about it before, is recording a meditation for myself where I literally take myself through the exact vision of what it is that I wish to embody, and I speak it out as if it is already my reality. So I had a meditation that I listened to on the daily that talked about what my business was going to look like, how I was gonna feel in my postpartum, how I was gonna feel in my body, how I was gonna dress, what it looked like for me in the season of becoming a mum. I was so specific, it even had my whole birth experience was inside of that meditation, and I listened to it anytime I got the opportunity to. Something that's really great to know inside of this actually is that there are these two windows of time where our brain is most susceptible to change, which is first thing when we wake up in the morning and last thing before we go to bed at night. And it's because it goes into a certain wave state. I'm not a scientist in terms of which particular which specific brain state it is, but I know that there is a window of time at those two points of our day where our brain is most susceptible to change. So if you're gonna do a practice that allows you to begin to cultivate these emotions and these thoughts, those are two really powerful times to do that. Um, and what you want to think about is what is the emotion that is connected with this vision? Apologies because there are a couple of dogs outside who are getting really excited about my podcast episode. Literally, the first time that they're kicking off where we're staying is right now, of course. Um, so you want to think about the emotions that are connected to this vision. What I mean by that is so let's say one of the things that you really want to cultivate in your life is more money. The feeling that you probably want inside of that is that sense of abundance. So, how can you cultivate that feeling? How can you allow yourself to experience that emotion? Maybe there are things that you can focus your attention on every single day that actually allow you to embody that emotion more and more often. And there could be such simple decisions that you make that allow you to cultivate that feeling of abundance. Maybe it's where you choose to set up your work day, maybe it's a beautiful cafe, maybe you drink your cup of coffee from a beautiful mug that makes you feel really abundant. What are the small decisions that you can make every day that allow you to feel the emotion of what it is that you desire here and now? The beautiful thing about when we can cultivate thoughts and emotions that are in alignment with the future we want is that the desired future feels like it's our reality now. So our body begins to believe that it's already real, and our brain can therefore rewire to match that future vision. When we are moving from a place of lack, that is literally impossible. It is very hard for our body to get on board whenever the feelings, the emotions, the thoughts that we're having are literally in the past when they are still connected to the thing that we no longer want. And this is the power of mental rehearsal. You have probably heard of athletes who do this when they have an event coming up or they've got an achievement that they want to step into, where they literally picture themselves doing that thing over and over and over again, where they start to embody that over and over and over again before the event has even happened. You get to do the very same thing with your life. The brain is like a muscle, it needs train just like every other part of us does. If we don't train it to go in the direction of what it is that we want, our brain is always going to aim to keep us in a place of safety. And so this gets to be a practice that continues to allow you to expand every single day. And you'll notice that as you do this practice, that even your perception of the life that you're leading now will begin to change. You'll start to notice all of the magic that is already happening in your life right now that is ultimately leading you into the life that you desire. And the last thing that I want to speak about here is the action that we take. The fact that we have to make aligned moves that are connected with what it is that we want. This ability that we have to live from the vision and not the memory of what we believe to be possible for us. In order to create something new, we have to live from that future. We have to think from that future, we have to feel from that future, and we also have to act from that version of you that already exists in that higher timeline. So for me, this was making simple but big decisions like booking the international retreat, like showing up for the things that I wanted now, not waiting to see how I felt when I became a mum or moving from a place of, well, just in case I won't do that just yet, I'll just wait and see. By actually doing some things during my pregnancy to set myself up for this future season has allowed me to anchor that reality in now. So, what are some action steps that you can take that are moving you towards what it is that you want? They may be small things, often there are also big things that kind of make us feel a little bit of, oh my god, I have to curl my toes and scratch my belly a little because they feel quite expansive in some way, whether it's an investment that we make or someone that we choose to be part of our journey that can hold the vision for us, or a move that we make that we don't know necessarily exactly where it's going to take us, but we know it's a thing that we need to do. What are some of the actions that you can take that are going to allow you to step further into the reality of what it is that you want? This is going to be something that also fuels the thoughts that you have and fuels the emotions that you have because as we take action, we are allowing our mind and our body to catch up with where we're going as well, even if that doesn't feel entirely comfortable just yet. I don't believe that we can take action alone. We need to do the other work as well. But taking action can certainly help our mind and our body to get on board with where it is that we're going. Sometimes it can really be the thing that allows us to move forwards. Like there have certainly been things that I did in my business that I did not remotely feel ready for. Knew they were the thing that I wanted to do, knew that the desire was there. And then when I did them, my mind realized, my body realized that it wasn't the end of the world that I was entirely capable of the thing that I wanted to do. And so my mind and body caught up. Both things can be true. So I hope that this has gifted you with some ideas around how you can really support yourself inside of stepping into what it is that you want, moving from that place of desire, supporting your thoughts, supporting your energetic body, taking action towards where it is that you want to be, and allowing that to be the thing that guides you to no longer say, uh, I don't know what I want, or I'm not sure this is a time, I don't know if I'm ready. And to actually trust that when the things that are calling you are calling you, that when the feeling inside of your belly is rising up, inviting you to make some shifts and changes, that you can absolutely trust that, that you can know that that is absolutely the place that you're meant to be moving towards because it is the thing that you are here to do, or the place that you're meant to be in, or the spot in your life that is asking you to look at it and to invite some change in. I would absolutely love to know what your vision is. If you have listened to this podcast and there is something that you're feeling a desire to make a shift around, if there is something that you are really wanting to invest in or move towards, please come and let me know. I absolutely love to hear from you in my DMs on Instagram. I'll tag my Instagram on the show notes in case we aren't connected on there just yet. And let me know if there are any actions that you take as a result of this podcast because it has been such a dream to know how this podcast is supporting you in some way. I hope you have the most incredible rest of your day, and I can't wait to talk and connect with you soon again. I'm actually going to create a little meditation and upload it onto this podcast series to support you with this vision work because meditation has been one of the most powerful practices that I have anchored into to support me inside of this work as well. I'll check to you really soon.