Born To Be Her

Part 1: Self Trust Begins Here

• Fionnuala Wylie • Season 2 • Episode 1

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In this episode I share the first step in my "Self Trust Method" to cultivating deep self trust so that you can go BE the woman you're here to be in the world. 

P.s. the doors to my Becoming Her Retreat in Greece is opening soon. Join the waitlist here: https://infinniteyou.com/greeceretrea

SPEAKER_00:

Hello, welcome back to another episode of the Born to Be Her podcast. I'm your host, Vanilla Wiley, and tonight we are sitting with Baby Monitor in front of us, hoping Baby Girl stays asleep for this episode. I am currently sipping on uh nursing tea, a type of tea that is made for breastfeeding. That probably sounds like a really wanky yoga teacher sentence, but I'm actually not much of a herbal tea kind of gal. I am though a big fan of anything that is going to support me in my postpartum bud. If you've seen the level of supplements that I am on right now, you will really understand how much I am wanting to avoid postpartum depletion. And I definitely think it's working because I'm feeling pretty good inside of myself. Of course, sleep deprivation is real, but I definitely think that these supplements and vitamins and teas and all the things that I've been doing are definitely helping with easing some of the things that can be a real reality this side of having given birth. Anyway, I digress. I really wanted to paint a picture of what is real right now in this season of my life being a mum and bringing this podcast to life because, as I said, baby monitor in front of me, it's almost 9 pm here, and it's kind of funny. I reflect back on some of the things that I used to do pre-becoming a mum and have a good giggle at myself because, of course, it is so beautiful to have like all these powerful routines before we do something as important to us as something like recording a podcast, and also reality just looks so different right now. Like my house could be doing with a bit of a tidy, and there could be other things happening before I sit down and record this, and yeah, we roll, and it has kind of really made me think about how we can actually use so many things inside of our work routines, particularly if you have your own business, or maybe if you work from home to procrastinate, um, or to hold ourselves back or tell ourselves that we need all of these different things in order to be able to show up fully as ourselves. And something that motherhood is really teaching me is that you just get to trust yourself and do the thing anyway. It doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to look a very particular way in order for us to just go and bloody do it. So if there's something right now that you're sitting on, let that be your reminder that the circumstances around it really don't need to be absolutely perfect. Um, take it from a mum who no longer has time to do her very long, beautiful, energetic routines before she does some of the work that she does anymore. And you know what? Sometimes it's actually better whenever I just go and be in flow as I am. Um so yeah, let's dive in. And it's funny that I just shared that given what this topic is going to be about tonight. I was gonna say, but whenever you're listening to this episode, um, because in this episode I'm gonna be talking a lot about self-trust. This episode is actually going to be one of a four-part series where I am going to be talking about my unique methodology and how I support my clients in cultivating self-trust. The self-trust method is something that I have created, having worked with hundreds of clients now, in really creating self-trust in order to step into the life that we ultimately desire, that we are ultimately here to lead. And self-trust is at the heart of so much of what I do. It is at the heart of my retreats, it's at the heart of my one-to-one work with my clients, it's at the heart of the work that we do inside of Reiki. Because really, when we have more self-trust, we are able to firstly know who it is that we are. From that place of knowing who we are, we are able to more deeply know what it is that we want. From that place of knowing what it is that we want, we are able to step into that courageously with that sense of being able to trust inside of that desire. And so when we have that ability to know who we are, know what we want, know the steps forwards, and to be able to courageously move towards them, you can see how self-trust is really at the crux or at the heart of absolutely everything that we need in order to become the human that we are here to be. And so I'm really excited to share this methodology because I believe self-trust is something that every single one of us has a desire to have more of. And if you're someone who feels like you lack in self-trust, if you're someone who identifies as a person who perhaps journeys with a lot of self-doubt, who maybe finds it really difficult to make decisions, maybe you often find yourself looking to other people in your life for validation, or perhaps you find it really difficult to know what it is that you want because your internal compass feels a little bit wonky or hard to even connect with. Every single person walking on this planet has self-doubt. And when we're walking with self-doubt, we can feel like we are the only human in the world that experiences it in the way that we do. And something that I really love about yoga, yoga has these nine afflictions of the mind that it talks about, the antarayas, self-doubt being one of them, it kind of makes us realize that none of us are special. You know, that none of us are any different from anyone else. We all struggle with these things. And so if you know that self-trust is something that you want to cultivate more of inside of your life, then know that that is part of our human experience, and we are all desiring more self-trust to some degree inside of our lives. It is definitely something that I continue to walk with and work on inside of myself every single day. And saying that when I reflect back on the beginning of my journey, I know that self-trust has been at the heart of being able to create the business that I have created. I would never have made some of the moves that I've made inside of my work if I didn't cultivate more self-trust and more connection to my own truth. It has allowed me to build beautiful relationships in my life. It has allowed me to make decisions like this move home that we're about to make in the next few weeks. So whilst self-trust is something that we are always striving to have more of, it is absolutely something that we can work on. It is absolutely something that we can almost like have a roadmap around how we can access more of it inside of ourselves. And that's what I wanted to do inside of this podcast to give you almost like a step-by-step guidance, guideline of how you can begin to look at building more self-trust if it's something that you really desire. And in this particular episode, we're going to be diving into the very first step that you can take inside of your journey to coming home to yourself and cultivating more self-trust, which is build an awareness around the places that you abandon yourself. And what I mean by that is looking at the spots where there is an opportunity for you to cultivate self-trust. And instead of allowing yourself to do that, you abandon that knowing inside of what is true for you. And I'm going to use a real life example that I moved through in my own life, and in reflection of how long it took me to make a decision, I can really see the invitation that I was being gifted to cultivate more self-trust in the side of this decision. And there can often be like these big points in our lives where we really are given the opportunity to up-level, to create more self-trust, to move through self-doubt and step further into who it is that we're here to be. Of course, self-trust is something that we can do on a micro level every single day. And those are the decisions that then, when these big points of time in our lives come along, we are able to then hold steady on what it is that we know to be true. So, this particular example that I wanted to share in my own life was when I was beginning to really feel a desire to start my own business. So, a little bit of a backstory. I completed my psychology degree. I did a couple of incredible placements after I finished that degree at home in Belfast. I was very set on becoming an educational psychologist. So my plan was to go to Australia for six months to a year, do any kind of job just to have a bit of fun, and then come home, complete my master's, and become an educational psychologist. Moved out to Australia and I was working in a construction company and had the best time, like loved it, had the best boss, had the best crack, we had the best work routines. It was perfect for the season of life that I was in until it wasn't perfect anymore. I, in my journey in Australia, went on a huge personal development journey after losing my daddy really suddenly, which is something that I've shared a little bit more about on a previous episode. And that really shifted the trajectory of my career because as I connected more deeply to myself in knowing who I was, you know, that very first part that I spoke about in terms of cultivating more self-trust in knowing who I was and knowing what I wanted, I then went and trained in yoga, I went and trained in life coaching, and the job that I was in no longer resonated with me. I knew that I was being called to make a shift. So my internal compass was pretty loud, you could say, in knowing that I didn't really want to be inside of this job anymore. So every day I was turning up to this job, I was feeling like my whole body was an internal no, and yet I was continuing to say yes to it. I was having conversations with the people I loved in my life constantly about what I should do. Like I was talking to my husband, I was talking to my best friends, even though I already knew what it is that I wanted to do. And something else that was really interesting at this time in my life was my inner critic was pretty loud. And this can really be a symptom of when we are abandoning ourselves inside of our self-trust. Because if we are feeling a certain way and we have a certain desire around something and yet we're not allowing ourselves to listen to that and to follow it, of course, our inner critic is gonna get louder because we're almost back in what our inner critic is telling us with our actions. And so those were literally the ways in which I was abandoning myself inside of that ability to be connected to my own inner truth. I was completely disconnected from the fact that my body was telling me no to this job now, and I was continuing to make it a yes for months and months and months. I was witnessing that inner critic and making it mean something about who I truly was when actually my inner critic was just getting really loud as a symptom of the fact that I was being disconnected from what was true, what was real for me, and trusting in the desire that I had. And I was also using other people as a way to make my decisions. I was inviting other people to give me advice, to validate how I was feeling or to tell me what I should be doing instead of actually just tuning in and listening to what my own inner truth was. And so as I share these, I would love for you to reflect on the ways in which you abandon yourself when it comes to trusting what it is that you desire, trust in who it is that you want to become, trust in where it is that you want to go in life. Maybe it's even the pattern of telling yourself, I don't know, when it comes to feeling into your desires and what it is that you want in life. And just notice when you say that how disempowering it is, how it allows you to disconnect from what is actually true instead of beginning to explore what that could potentially look like. And as you start to cultivate this awareness, as you start to bring your attention to the places in which you are creating patterns that hold you back from trusting yourself. What is really beautiful about that is there begins to be a separation in who you believed yourself to be before and what is actually true. Because as you notice these patterns playing out, you get to separate yourself from them so that you can stand in the person that you really are. So if you're someone who in the past has asked a lot of people when you're making decisions, and as you notice yourself doing that, suddenly you are not the person who has to do that, but the person who chooses to do that. And therein lies this huge, huge potential for you to step more deeply into your own power, for you to be more connected to your own truth and therefore your ability to trust yourself, and an opportunity for you to move in the direction of what it is that you actually truly want. This is when your intuition will come online more deeply. This is when you will feel so steady in who it is that you are, because there is nothing more powerful than being deeply, deeply rooted in what is true for you. That will be the thing that allows you to magnetize the opportunities that you desire. That will be the thing that allows you to magnetize the relationships that you want, that will be the thing that allows you to cultivate and bring forth the life that you are literally here to lead. Because when you are rooted in self-trust, everything that you want becomes so much easier. You are able to move from a place where you are no longer questioning yourself, where you are no longer needing everybody else around you to understand where it is that you want to go in your life or what it is that you want to do. You're moving from a place that feels true. And that is literally the only thing that matters. Your life doesn't need to make sense to anybody else. The decisions that you make don't need to make sense to anybody else. The opportunities that you're feeling called to step into do not need to make sense to anybody else but yourself. When you trust yourself, you get to step into the life that you are uniquely here to lead. So that is step one of the self-trust method. In the next upcoming episodes, I'm going to be talking more to how we can start to cultivate more self-trust after we have built this awareness around where we hold ourselves back. And I'm also going to create some beautiful meditations for you to begin to anchor these lessons in as you reflect on them and as you move through them. So those are going to be coming in the next couple of weeks as well. And something that I lastly wanted to mention was if this is a real piece of work for you, if you are feeling a desire to know who you are on a deeper level so that you can go and be her confidently in the world, then I want to let you know about my upcoming retreats, which are called Becoming Her. And this is literally the exact work that we dive into on every layer of your being. We will be doing somatic work, we will be doing work to help you really understand your desires, what it is that you want, and how you can move towards them. You will be surrounded in incredible sisterhood, you will be in the most beautiful location where you're separate from your everyday life, which ultimately allows you to step further into what it is that you truly want for yourself because you're no longer bound by what it is that you've already known. Our next upcoming retreat is going to be in Greece, which I am so so excited for. It is the most beautiful property right on the ocean, mountains in the background, so tranquil, and you will be fed incredible Mediterranean food. Every single piece of you will be absolutely nourished. The wait list is now open. The link to the wait list will be in the show notes if you want to be the first to know about this retreat. When you're on the wait list, you'll have access to early bird pricing as of recording this podcast. It will be released next week so that you can grab one of those first initial spaces. And if you have any questions, come reach out to me on DMs. I would absolutely love to have a conversation with you if you're feeling a call to come. And otherwise, I will see you back here for another episode really, really soon.