How To Trust Yourself Through Uncertainty

We explore how to move through change with calm and momentum by mixing tiny daily actions, kinder thinking, and nervous system care. From returning home to starting a business, we trade perfectionism for progress and rebuild trust in our own inner guidance.

• noticing control patterns like perfectionism and avoidance
• loosening rigid visions that stall action
• choosing micro decisions that create momentum
• reframing black and white thinking into growth
• simple nervous system tools to feel safe
• trusting inner signals over external noise
• practical examples for life and business shifts

Chapters

• 0:00 Returning Home And Facing Change
• 3:00 Spotting Control And Perfectionism
• 7:10 Vision Traps And Tiny Decisions
• 12:20 Mindset Reframes For Uncertainty

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hello, welcome back to another episode of the Born to Be Her podcast. I'm your host, Fanola Wiley, and really grateful to be here today and to be diving into another episode with you. This episode was really inspired from a conversation that I was having with a friend who also has transitioned home from having lived abroad. And we were just having this conversation about, you know, visions that we have for the life that we're leading at home, what we want to create inside of our work, and also the things that can come up around that in terms of fear and uncertainty and how we deal with those kinds of things in our lives. Because when we move through any season of change, when we are stepping out of something that is really familiar, which of course is true when we've lived somewhere for a length of time, and we step into the unknown of a brand new chapter, whatever that might look like for you, maybe it's the move from living at home to moving abroad or the return home. Maybe it is stepping into a new business or a new path in some way that you have been desiring to step into for yourself. And this is where we really get to witness our patterns. You know, when we're in a season of uncertainty, in some way we can notice the different ways that we try to control that. Maybe it's that we step into a season of perfectionism or a pattern of perfectionism. Maybe it's that we start to try to control absolutely everything that is around us. Maybe it is that we go into a place of avoidance, of really not allowing ourselves to commit to what it is that we desire out of fear of how that might go. However, it shows up for you, there will always be ways that we try to support ourselves really cleverly, of course, because our mind is so brilliant, our patterns are so brilliant in holding us in safety, which of course is always what we are trying to do when any of our things come up. And even though that is true, of course, it can be really, really frustrating. And you might not even witness that you're doing it until you're in a place of hindsight, or maybe you've started to move through it in some way, and you can start to recognize perhaps the ways that you had been feeling challenged when you'd been in a period of uncertainty. Sometimes those things can become more clear when we're on the other side of them. But I wanted to record this episode today because I have certainly learned that there are certain ways that we can support ourselves through seasons of uncertainty. There are ways that we can kind of support how our system operates and support ourselves in stepping into the visions and desires that we have, holding that feeling of uncertainty, being able to be with it and alongside it, not trying to push it away or trying to control it, but to actually allow ourselves to move through a season of change with just a little bit more ease. So if that is something that is resonant for you right now, if that is something that you are feeling called to support yourself inside of at the moment, then this episode is definitely going to be for you. So let's first talk about the piece around the vision. So when we're stepping into a chapter of change, when we are about to do something new, whether that's the country or the job or the business or whatever, you likely have had some desires around that. You've probably had a vision of what it is that you want to create in some way, the life that you want to have. Maybe you've spent loads of time starting to feel into what you want that to look like, to um be really clear around what it is that you want to cultivate. And this can be a really powerful practice, and it can also be something that initially can make it really difficult for us to begin to move forwards because we can begin to get stuck in needing the vision to be perfect, needing to know exactly what it's gonna look like. I see this all of the time in my work as a business coach where we get stuck on things like what am I gonna call my Instagram page, or what are the brand colours that I'm going to go with, or what are the exact ways that I'm gonna support my clients inside of my work? How can I be absolutely certain around what that's gonna be before I start to take action? So this can be one way that that desire for certainty can start to hold us back through procrastination, through overthinking those things, through beginning to try and allow it all to be 100% aligned before we step forwards. In terms of what it looks like when we've made a big change in our lives, where are we holding ourselves back because we don't know exactly how it's gonna pan out? So this is kind of a funny thing to think about because of course it's really brilliant to think about what you want to do, what you want it to look like, some of the big changes that you want to cultivate. But the point at which it can start to become tricky is when we need that to be an absolute certainty, when we need that to be a clear, guided path, when we actually don't have control over that. And when it comes to the business that we want to create, you know, this can also show up in your niche or who it is exactly that you want to work with. Then of course, those things can be really great to think about. But when it gets to a point where that is a thing that you're so focused on that you're finding it really difficult to move forwards, then it starts to become a little more tricky. And so something that I find personally to be really useful, and also something that I find to be really useful for my clients when we're in this point in our journey, when we've created the vision, when we know where we want to go, and suddenly it starts to become really overwhelming, is to think about the tiny little decisions that you can make every single day that are going to guide you closer towards whatever it is that you desire, whatever it is that you want. So the thing that allows us to cultivate some of that sense of certainty is just making little micro steps towards whatever that desire is. You know, when we are thinking about the life that we want to lead in a new country, what are some small little things that you could do for yourself to allow yourself to begin to create the life that you desire? Maybe it's signing up to a particular class, maybe it's finding a little community that allows you to connect in with wherever you are. Maybe in business it is taking that first small step to start to create community or to build your first offer and not needing it to be absolutely perfect in some way. So think about the tiny little steps that you can take towards your vision without needing that vision to be crystal clear. Something that I have really found to be true in the desire that I have for certainty as well, because I am also human, is that when I can just take some form of action, when I can just step towards whatever that thing is that is calling me, and to not need to know the every single step or exactly where it's gonna lead me to, that is actually the thing that is most freeing. The time that we spend in ideation is great to an extent, but it can also really, really hold us back. So that's the first thing that I would invite you to do to start to cultivate some certainty inside of your life, to think about the little small decisions you want to make every day to move towards whatever it is that you desire. Now let's think about our mindset and how we approach times of uncertainty and how we speak to ourselves during moments of uncertainty when there are points in our life where we are wishing to create some kind of change because it is our mindset that often supports us with taking aligned action towards where it is that we wish to go. Is it that your mind right now is looking at things in black or white, like you can do the right thing or the wrong thing? Is it that your mindset is telling you that you are taking a step back by making some kind of change? Let's say you are beginning a new business or starting a new path in your career. Is it that you are needing it to go really well? Are you in a spot right now where your mind is telling you that you have to succeed at whatever it is that you're going to do? And just notice if there are any little spots or any little ways that your mind is currently holding you back right now. And a really great practice to have around this is to begin to reframe those thoughts. How can you create a little more spaciousness in your mind around this period of uncertainty? How can you perhaps begin to look at this season of uncertainty that you're inside of with the lens of knowing that this is actually a real opportunity for growth? To notice that this is actually a real opportunity for you to step more deeply into the truth of who you are and the life that you want to lead, knowing that the change that you're cultivating is actually allowing you to step outside of your comfort zone, which is always a good thing. When we can reflect on and witness and notice the brilliance of our mind and how it operates and the ways in which we can allow it to expand, this is what really allows us to become more grounded inside of where it is that we are in our lives and how it is that we want to support ourselves. Something that I always say is our mind is like a muscle in our body. Just like we go to a yoga class or we go to the gym to support our body, our mind needs our focus and our attention. It needs us to be in a place of witnessing what is happening inside of us inside of it. Our mind is obviously something that works on autopilot. There are many different figures around this, but our mind operates in a way that 80% of our thoughts every single day are the same, repetitive ones, most of which are negative. And so we really have to support our mind and support the ways that we are thinking about things in order to be able to cultivate the change that we want. So taking some time to journal out or think about the fears that you have right now, to think about the ways that your mind is perhaps holding you in this pattern of stagnation around this uncertainty, and beginning to create some windows of opportunity for change will be so supportive in allowing you to look at this chapter you're in with a whole new lens. And the last thing that I wanted to speak about in terms of how we can support ourselves through these seasons is the one that I always harp on about. And it's because it's the one that works the best, is how we can support our body and our nervous system. Because when we are in a season of uncertainty, and perhaps that is fueling feelings of anxiety or overwhelm, when we are in that loop inside of our mind, it is also creating those feelings, those sensations that exist inside of our body too. And when we can support our vagus nerve, when we can support our entire nervous system to create feelings of calm, feelings of a deeper connection to our physical body, feelings of being able to be settled inside of our system. This is going to have such a profound effect on how you view the season that you're in right now. I cannot tell you how incredibly important my yoga practice is right now in this season of my life. You know, everything is new. I am in a new place inside of this chapter of being a mum. Every week is a new week. If you're a mum, you'll know exactly what I mean by that. I am navigating being in Ireland for the first time in nine years. I am navigating, moving house, and everything is new. And every single time that I actually just carve out, whether it's 10 minutes or an hour, to step onto my yoga mat, to do some breathing, to slow my mind down, to become present internally, suddenly everything feels so, so different. And so, is there an opportunity for you to connect in with your body in a deeper way, to regulate your body in a new way, to allow your system to come back into that place of homeostasis, to be a little more grounded and anchored? Whether that's going and attending a class or booking a Reiki session or supporting yourself to be nourished in some way inside of your body so that you can move through this season of change with a connection to your body, with that ability to be guided from within a little more than externally. Because when we're in seasons of uncertainty, of course, it's so easy to look outside of ourselves, to try to get advice or to even witness what other people are doing inside of their season of change and to try and follow along with that when really all of the wisdom that we need exists inside of us. So I hope that this episode can support you to just look at the season you're inside of right now with a whole new lens, with an opportunity to really witness it for what it is, instead of being inside of that place of feeling all of the fear and anxiety around what that must mean about where you are at right now. So to just recap on the things that I have shared inside of this episode and how you can support yourself in this season of uncertainty in your life, what are the little micro action steps that you can take? The tiny little decisions that are going to move you further and closer towards what it is that you want? What are the ways that you can support your mind right now? Where can you witness where your mind is perhaps playing tricks on you or supporting you to be in a place of safety when you're desiring expansion? And how can you begin to cultivate new thoughts? And lastly, how can you continue to build a nourishing, loving relationship with your body, with your nervous system, so that you can hold yourself inside of this season of change. I hope this episode has supported you in some way. If you are listening right now, I would love for you to come and tell me on Instagram. Come let me know how this episode has supported you. I always love to hear from you. It is just the best having conversations off of the back of these episodes, and I can't wait to be in here with you again next week. Have the most incredible week, and I will talk to you really, really soon.