Welcome And Connection Story

SPEAKER_04 0:07

Hello, Julie. Welcome to the Born to Me Her podcast. It is so incredible to have you here and on with me today.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Oh, thank you so much, Fanola. I'm honored. I really am.

SPEAKER_04 0:20

For those of you who don't know this, I met Julie back in 2019 when I trained to become a life coach, which is so crazy that it's that many years ago now.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Oh, I can't believe you just said 2019. That's amazing. So long ago now.

SPEAKER_04 0:38

Yep. And we have stayed connected since then. After having met you and your incredible work and journey through that course, of course, I wanted to stay connected to the work that you do in the world. So I went on a retreat with Julie. And after I went on a retreat, you opened up your one-to-one coating again. And I think I might have been one of your very first clients whenever you made that offering.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

That is correct, you were, and what a joy it was for me to work with you. Yes.

Julie’s Work In Coaching

SPEAKER_04 1:08

And so when I was thinking about who I would love to have on the podcast, you were one of the very first people that I thought about. And I know that that is because of how I have got to witness how you move through the world and your absolute devotion to your inner journey inside of the leadership work that you share. And that is what I would love for us to speak about today. Something that Julie is really passionate about is sacred leadership and that devotion to her inner journey to allow us to show up and do the work we do in the world. And so we're going to dive into that very topic. But Julie, I'd love for you to share a little bit for those of my listeners who maybe haven't met you before or haven't connected with your work, just a little bit about the work that you do.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Thank you so much, Fanola. And I know we're going to have a beautiful conversation today. This is such an amazing topic. So I have been in the world of online business for 25 years now, and it's a little bit hard in truth to encapsulate everything that I do, but I'm going to give you the very, very abridged version, and that is to share that I am a life coach trainer. I'm the founder of the Beautiful You Coaching Academy, and we train heart-centred people from all over the world. There are almost, you know, we're starting to nudge towards 3,000 coaches around the world now. And in my private work, I'm also a sacred leadership and spaceholder, mentor, guide, supervisor, therapist, author, speaker. So a few different hats there that add up to uh a big wardrobe over many years now. And I love it all.

Defining Sacred Leadership

SPEAKER_04 2:55

And something I know that you speak a lot about, Julie, is sacred leadership. And I think that you were one of the first people I ever heard use that term. And so I'd love for you to share a little bit with my listeners around what you mean when you say sacred leadership and what that looks like inside of your work.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

Yeah, so this is a really big question. And you could ask this of different people for Nola, and they would give you a different definition. And I think that's actually a really fantastic thing because a part of being a sacred human being is understanding that there are very few things that are exceptionally binary or black and white, and we can hold different perspectives about different things. But my passion for sacred leadership particularly exists within the area of how what it means for spaceholders, those people who are coaches, counselors, healers, guides, retreat facilitators such as yourself, sacred circle holders, anybody that is in service to others. So that could also include nurses, teachers, you know, anyone that is in human-to-human contact. And essentially, I've come to understand and know sacred leadership to be an inner journey and an evolution where we move from being our socialized self into being a self-authored and self-transforming self. So if I could just give you a little bit more detail about what that means, it's because so many of us think about leadership understandably because of the sort of hierarchical, patriarchal definitions that exist around it, is that it's all about what we see on the outside. It's what you do. And sacred leadership is that, but first and foremost, it's about an inner journey, it's about how we lead ourselves. And this evolution that I speak of is about shifting from being socialized where we do things like defer to others, play small, let other people, uh, I suppose label us, uh, believe that we have to look a certain way, be a certain way, to please others, have wobbly or non-existent boundaries, etc. We're trying to fit in all the time. And it's going on that journey to become someone who essentially is very much not that or the opposite of that, where we are self-authored and self-transforming, meaning we embrace our own authenticity, uh, we mean what we say when we say it, uh, we believe in ourselves, uh, we recognize the conditioning that might have existed from childhood or in society that tells us we have to be a certain way when in fact we don't, and we can get to choose that. And then from that place of much deeper confidence and self-belief and sovereignty, we are then able to fully show up in the world as our most authentic, fullest, most healed, amazing self to be in deeper, richer service to others. Because I've come to believe and understand that without that journey and without that belief and sovereignty within ourselves, there's only so far we can be in service to others before we will start to knock up against things, you know, usually our own ego and inner critic telling us and asking us things like, do they like me? Am I enough? Will I ever get there, etc.? And so it's that journey that we commit to going on, to being our fullest self, which then allows us to be in a much more grounded, beautiful, sacred place of leadership in the world.

Unlearning Perfectionism And People Pleasing

SPEAKER_04 7:14

Thank you so much for sharing that, Julie. And the really interesting thing that I find in the beginning of my own journey, and I think that this can be true for so many of us in the wellness industry, is almost feeling like there was a particular way that I needed to feel or be to show up to be able to do the work that I was doing. Almost like some of the parts of me were wrong when I felt them, like I needed to be this very perfect human in order to be able to stand in a position of leadership for others when I was kind of preaching all of these things to help you to feel better in some way. So I'd love for you to speak about what it looks like to move from that space of feeling like you share the conditioning around what we think it means to be a leader in some way, to actually allowing ourselves to be authentically ourselves and show up from that place. What does that journey look like?

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Well, it's absolutely individual finola to everyone uh because each of us has different uh shadows and and parts of ourselves and conditioning, just like what you described there. That's a perfect description of a form of conditioning, believing that we have to be perfect, right? In in many that is a societal conditioning. It can also be a childhood parental guardianship thing as well. If we were taught that, you know, if we only ever received praise when we did something fully right, you know, if we only ever got congratulated when we got 100% on the test, you know, we can start to internalize the conditioned belief. Well, if I'm not perfect, I'm nothing. Right. So that is how that can show up, you know, for some of us. But the journey, and there are other things as well. For me, one of my biggest personal journeys has been around releasing and moving through the conditioning of people pleasing. Um, believing that, you know, if I didn't give enough, if I wasn't helpful enough, if I didn't do everything right to make somebody else happy, that that would mean that they would not like me and leave me. And that was the worst thing that could ever possibly happen. Well, that's a form of conditioning, and it's also a form of giving up our control to other people. And again, it can be something that we learn through childhood experiences or other experiences, and it's not easy to break through, but as you do and you go on these journeys, do you start to realise that not everybody is meant to like you, especially when you don't like everybody, you know? And I remember a mentor of mine saying to me once in trying to help me break this conditioning through it, and she said, Have you ever liked every do you like everybody that you meet? And I went, No, how ridiculous. And she said, and so how ridiculous is it that you somehow or another believe that you have to be liked by everybody? And it was like a mic drop moment. I was like, oh my gosh, I've I've been so silly, and that was just one part of that for me. But coming back to your question, the journey is different for everyone, and the first steps of it for Nola is always about getting compassionately, lovingly, and radically honest about what is my stuff here, what is the stuff that is getting in the way of me fully showing up in the world, whole, happy, thriving, visible, shining, authentic, connected, radiant. And that's different for everyone. Perfectionism, people pleasing, uh, fear of being visible, fear of not being visible, deferring to others, it could be anything.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

And so it's art and then not blaming ourselves for it.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

Going, okay, this is it, this is where I'm at. This is okay. You know, being accepting of that uh does helps to dissolve it, helps to alchemize it rather than thinking there is something wrong with us. There's nothing wrong with me or you or anyone that might be walking with these things or anything else, and from there beginning the process, which again looks different for everyone, of trying to alchemize, heal, shift, change those things. And we do those things in varying different ways. It could be everything from listening to soulful and beautiful podcasts like this one, working with a guide or a mentor, being a part of an experience where you come to with people together in similar ways to look at these things together. It could be anything, uh, but that's where it starts is just being honest with ourselves about okay, this is a need that I have to alchemize, heal, get some light on in whatever way I need to move towards being that incredibly sovereign leader.

SPEAKER_04 12:35

I love what you shared there about the compassion that you hold for those parts of yourself as you witness them coming up, because I think that is such a key and important part of moving through that journey of acceptance and beginning to shift and change those parts that you know begin to become aware are not serving you in some way. And I'd love to know if you ever notice those things come up for you now, 25 years into doing this work. Do you ever notice that people pleasing part of you want to show up to the party, or does it feel like she no longer exists?

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Oh my gosh, Fanola, she's so still there.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

She's she's like that.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Yes, yes, and this is also a significant realization on the path of sacred leadership in the inner journey, is that things like that and how they show up for us fear, people pleasing, perfectionism, uh wobbly self-doubt, things like that, they are for I believe many of us, particularly if they've shown themselves to us before, their companions for life. They do not necessarily ever fully disappear, dissolve, or go away. However, we can significantly shift our relationship with them for the better. And so, yes, sometimes this part of me still does show up. And when it does now, I compassionately sit with it and recognize it and also don't act quickly from that space. Whereas previously I used to just jump in and try and fix, save, rescue, overgive, over-support, over-ingratiate, try to over-inggratiate people to myself because I wanted them to like me and respect me. And that was how I believed that would be the best way to do that. I don't do that anymore. You know, that has been shifted significantly, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't pop up, especially at times that can be challenging, such as when someone might say no to me, or I might really want to work with someone and I have a discovery call with them, and they make the decision not to move ahead with that, or I'm in a team and something happens where we don't get an outcome that we want, and someone is upset about that. You know, I have to be careful not to then oversoothe and or overgive or fix and understand that person needs to work through that themselves, of course, always knowing I'm here for support. But yes, it still comes up, and that's normal and okay. This is not necessarily about getting rid of these things, it's about learning to walk with them better as somebody who's committed to leading their own life first before they even think about how that might impact others.

Daily Practices And The Pause

SPEAKER_04 15:58

You mentioned there that you have that practice of what sounded to me almost like a pause, like a moment when you notice those parts come up where you take a breath before you perhaps react in the way that you might have previously. Do you have practices or things that you do in your day-to-day life that support you to create that pause inside of yourself or have that devotion to your own sacred leadership and your practices around that? What does that look like for you, Julie?

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Well, you know, I'd love to potentially tell you that I have a really solid, grounded, daily, very sexy morning practice, and I do the same thing every day, and that, you know, that's what and I am so in awe of anyone that does that. Let me let me just say that. I think that those people who have those sacred spiritual daily practices like that, honestly, I think that's incredible. It's not me. I have tried to be quote unquote disciplined or devoted to practice like that many times before, and it just never works for me. And so now I have I am much more likely to just simply, particularly in the morning, which is my favorite part of the day, just the one thing that I do do every day is just ask myself, what do I need in this moment? You know, how can I show up as my best self today? And that can then lead me, Fanola, into doing a variety of different things. It may be going for a long walk, it may be some breath work, some journaling, it might be, you know, having a little play with an oracle card deck, it might be sleeping more, because sometimes I've heard the words stay in bed and sleep a little bit deeper. So I it could be exercise, it could be like making myself a pot of tea and you know, sitting with a beautiful like book of quotes or affirmations. So I ask myself what I need, and then I tap into a variety of different practices, and I actually have a little list that sits right here with me, and it's like, okay, what do I feel? Choose your own adventure style. You know, what do I most feel like? It could be stretching and moving, it could be anything, it could be being with my garden and my flowers and nature, depending upon the weather. And starting out my day like that in some way, I think sets me up for amazing success. It helps to ground me, it helps me to be in touch with my inner world and what I'm feeling at that time, which I think is important to mention is not always fabulous. You know, when I finish that practice, sometimes it's like I am still carrying a feeling of either being tired or sad or overwhelmed, sometimes even anxious. But the fact that I am aware of that means that I have a much better chance throughout my day, as you mentioned before, that if something comes up that may activate me or be triggering or triggering whatever it may be is significantly better than if I hadn't ever done those things. And because I'm able to much more likely take that pause, slow down, and not react quickly, but instead go, okay, take a breath. What is the best thing for me to do here? And you know what, Fanola? Often the best thing to do is nothing at that time. It's actually nothing. It's to step away from it, it's to step away from the computer, don't write the angry email, you know. Don't don't like just step back, Julie, you know, or just take yourself or just have a think about this for a minute. You don't need to get back to them straight away, just what might be best and go from there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:38

This has been um one of the things that I really come back to in this season of my life and being a mum. Um, that something that I really I suppose shifted my perspective on through my work with you because I have also tried to be a very disciplined kind of gal when it comes to routines. And pre having a baby, I used to have morning routines that might have taken me up to two hours to do all of the things that I wanted to do in a morning. Julie has given me a wow, please. Yes, a wow. Wow. Okay. And I definitely do not have time for that anymore. And something that you invited me to do when I was doing some work with you was just take 10 minutes and sit with that question, what do I need? And allow that 10 minutes to look like whatever I wanted it to, whether it was to be in silence or to play some nice music or to do something like that for myself. And it has been something that I have just loved in this season of my life and has been like the little moment that I crave in my day. And actually, when I started that practice, it felt kind of uncomfortable because it wasn't really something to do, like it was a movement or something to listen to, it was really just stillness. But I really hear you on how powerfully effective that can be in giving yourself that space that then infiltrates into the rest of your day as well. And it's so simple, but it it absolutely does make a change in how you feel.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

Absolutely. I would honestly go so far, and I don't believe that this is an exaggeration, Phenola, that it's actually a life-changing practice. And it's a leadership practice because when you start your day giving to yourself in even the smallest way, like this, you are signaling to yourself, I love you. I I want to lead you, I want to know what it is that you need. So I can give that to you because nobody else can. When we're talking about what's coming from our inner thoughts and our heart and our soul, nobody else can give that to you except me. We're the ones that are in this together. And then when you do lead yourself and love yourself by giving yourself that time in that way every day, you then get to turn up in much better and deeper service to everybody else around you. Your children, partners, friends, clients, business, career, everything, absolutely everything. And it becomes truly, I think it is one of the core practices of sacred leaders, and that constant signaling to oneself, I matter, I am important, I do this for me, so I can also be for you.

SPEAKER_04 23:54

So, James, a lot of the humans that I work with in a coaching capacity are women who are at the very beginning of stepping into the work that they do in the world. So I work with volume yoga teachers, buddy coaches, women who are stepping into becoming energy healers. And I know that this is a time in your own journey that can feel really loud with those inner parts of ourselves that start to become maybe even a little bit more active than they did previously as we begin to share gifts and allow ourselves to be more visible in the world. And that can be something that can really hold us back. It can be the thing that we think of, and maybe this means that I'm not meant to do this work yet, maybe this means that I've got lots of things that I need to work through first. And it can even be something that can mean that someone doesn't ever step into doing the work they want to do because they feel like it must not be right for them. So if someone was in that spot right now where perhaps these parts of their inner word were feeling particularly loud, do you have any thoughts around that or how we can walk with that part of our journey?

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Yeah, this is such a wonderful question. And so I hope what I'm gonna share for Nola is really helpful for people out there that are in this place, which is a very exciting and wondrous place to be in. You've been called, like you've called yourself into some kind of adventure, you know, in in starting something for yourself. The first thing that I want to say is that if you are feeling anything or even a lot of the things that Phenola just mentioned, you're okay, babe. Everything's okay, you're normal, it's normal, it's human. There's nothing wrong with you. And if you were to take away one thing, let it be that. Because as a human being, if you're not a little bit charged, let alone a lot charged, with fear, doubt, some worry, even some anxiety, concerns about this big step and leap and calling that you're going to make, then it wouldn't be right. You know, we only feel fear or any of those feelings that I just shared there. We only have those sensations within ourselves when we're on the precipice of doing something that's really important and meaningful to us. So they can actually be and are a signal that you're on the right track, right? You actually are on the right track and you're being called in the right direction if you're feeling these things, because you wouldn't be feeling them if it wasn't that big a deal. It is a big deal, and so it's bringing up big feelings. That's the first thing to share. Totally normal, right? I've had them, you've had them, we've all had them, and they do circle back to us in different ways when we try different things, you know, in our businesses and creative endeavors and adventures. The next thing that I would share is that yes, it's a big leap to step into a calling, but that doesn't mean that you have to take hugely big steps towards it. Go slow. Get yourself a little plan. Take one meaningful step at a time. You don't have to do everything at once, and you certainly need to be very careful and not believe that you need to be looking like what someone on the Instagrid looks like five years down the track. You can be inspired by them, but comparing your start to someone else's middle or somebody else's two and a half decades like mine is a one-way trip to heartache, right? Because that is just having expectations of yourself that are too big, too high, and unachievable. And so just take it one step, one small step at a time. And if you really feel that you want to get help, well, then work with somebody amazing like Fanola, you know, or get get some support from somebody that has done something similar to what you would like to do, so they can guide you and support you in that in that transition. And I think the there are so many things I could mention, but the other thing that I just want to say in here that's coming up to me as being really important is even though you can look to inspiring people like Fanola, who's running such a thriving, amazing, successful, beautiful business, she's made the leap and taken up the call to adventure. Please know that you get to do this in your way. That you being your fullest, don't copy Fanola or try to be like her or me or anyone else that you see out there. You can absolutely gain inspiration from them, look at how they do things, be inspired by that, even work with them or receive free things from them that can give you amazing tips and suggestions of how to potentially go about things that could be really successful for you. But that in doing those things, just remember the most important thing here is you and who you are as your authentic self and how you want to show up in the world and how you want to be in service, and that's not something that anybody else has, no one. That's something that only you have, and so part of this calling is for you to know you get to do this in your own way, we want you to be you, and that in the end is also what's going to be very client-attracting, and also see you create something that is sustainable because it's a joy to show up in the world as our authentic selves. Whereas if we're showing up with masks or just completely cloaked in perfectionism or believing that we have to be somebody that we're not, it's exhausting and it's not sustainable and it won't last. So, whatever it is that you need to do to fully embrace you and find you in this, know that that is going to be a huge part of this journey and your success.

SPEAKER_04 30:49

I love what you shared at the end there, and it um leads me into where my mind was going in in the work that you share and how it can transform your life, which is I'd love for you to share a little bit about why doing this work is worth it, because it's so easy to skip doing this work, right? Like you could move through the world for your whole life if you really wanted to, and choose to not look at any of this stuff. And on the surface, it might feel like that might make your life a little bit easier in some way because you don't have to look at these parts that might feel tricky to some capacity. So I'd love for you to share how it has made your life better.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

Do you know? I've never been asked this question, and I absolutely love it so much because you are right, Fanola. And I think we've all probably come across people in our lives where it's pretty obvious they haven't done quote unquote the work, right? For sure, okay, and and bless those people because they are teachers to us as well, but those are the folks that are often angry, bitter, struggle with relationships, hide, can be very needy and projecting, and a whole range of other different things. And you know, I I I say all of those things because I've been there myself with all of those things in the past, and I can see you nodding, and I know you will have been as well at different times, and that's human and normal, but it's also human, not necessarily normal, but it's also a sacred calling when we come to the understanding within ourselves that we don't want to be those things anymore, or those things are actually harming or hurting us, or getting in the way of that incredible embracing of our fullest self and authenticity, like I was talking about before. And that's where this all comes down to why it's so worth it, Panola, because I could sit here and give you a list of why it's worth it and how it's impacted my life and how I've seen it impact the lives of others for the better in so many different ways. Some of it includes you have more honest, open, better, heart-filled communication relationships with everything from your parents to your children, to your friends, to your clients, to your lover, to your partner, to your husbands, wives, every everything. You feel more at ease with yourself. That one is huge. You don't struggle with yourself as much because you're more accepting and embracing and compassionate of the parts of you that need healing, and you've done the work or are doing the work to soften those parts of yourself, to feel more at ease with your imperfections and your mistakes, and and just being more humble with the fact that we're not perfect, and that that's a beautiful thing and comes with its own lessons. The big one in the world of professionalism, and I say this with full-hearted honesty, is that you get better at what it is that you do. Because when you're a spaceholder or you're in service to others, instead of sitting there thinking things like, is it working? Am I doing this okay? Does she like me? Um, what more can I do? Oh, she's having a bad day. I need to fix this. All of those kinds of things which can come to us, we have so much more personal grounding and power and understanding of what is ours to hold, what is someone else's to hold, and what is our role in a very loving and giving but also very boundaried way. And what that does is it allows us to create containers of service and space holding that are cleaner, more powerful, and deeply more transformational because our stuff uh energetically is not interfering in the space because we're dealing with it. It's out of the container, we don't bring it in. And of course, we don't do these things consciously, but we all know that it can happen unconsciously, and so when we commit as spaceholders to doing this inner leadership work, we are quite literally committing to becoming better at what we do. And you know now, as an experienced spaceholder for NOLA, that the better we are at what we do, the more we can help our clients achieve wonderful results. And that then results in more clients for us because people talk about us, they share, they they say what a wonderful experience they've had with us, and suddenly we have a word-of-mouth marketing machine working for us, which is one of the most powerful things that we can ever, ever get working in our businesses. And so there's just three reasons why it's worth it, and how I've seen it transform my life. There are so many others, but they're probably the main ones. Better relationships, you feel more ease and more yourself, and you get better at what you do. And those three things alone, let alone probably 50 other things I can mention, will change your life and your business and your work for the better.

SPEAKER_04 37:08

Julie, thank you so much for all of your beautiful wisdom that you have shared on the pod today. I know that there will be people listening to this who have received so so much, including me. I could ask you so many more questions if we had the time. Um, but thank you so much for coming on, and it has been just such an honor to have you on the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

Thank you, Fanola. I have loved our time. Thank you for your beautiful questions. Thank you.