Seen: The Inner Work Behind True Visibility as a Spaceholder

We explore visibility as more than marketing, linking the ability to be seen with nervous system safety, inner trust, and devotion to the voice we are here to share. We share how fear patterns show up, why they make sense, and how we can gently expand our capacity to be witnessed in business and in life. 
• defining visibility beyond consistency and platforms 
• noticing the “cloak” of protection through beliefs and nervous system responses 
• our lived journey from fear of speaking to sharing publicly and holding retreats 
• using community and expanders to create belonging and safety 
• meeting limiting stories with compassion and non-judgement 
• challenging beliefs when you are regulated, not mid-trigger 
• regulating through breath, yoga, and body-based practices 
• exploring energy work and practitioners as support for deeper layers 
If you haven't did so already, please go and like this podcast, give me a review. 
please reach out in DMs. 
if that is something that you are interested in, again, you can either hop into my DM, send me a little message, or hop onto my website, infinite you.com, and you can read all about coaching with me and sign up for a discovery call. 

Website: https://infinniteyou.com/wellness-business-coaching

Transcript

What Visibility Really Means

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, welcome back to another episode of the Born to Be Her podcast. I am your host, Fanula Wiley, life and business coach, retreat spaceholder, and the founder of Infinite You. And this week on the podcast, I really wanted to have a conversation about visibility because it has been a huge part of my own journey as a business owner and is also a huge part of the work that I do with my clients. And before we dive in, I wanted to speak a little bit more about what I actually mean by visibility as a sacred spaceholder as a business owner. Because you might think about visibility on kind of like a surface layer where we begin to think about actually being visible. So people seeing us, witnessing us, being more visible might mean to you being more consistent on platforms like Instagram or letting your voice be heard in different ways, maybe even in the spaces that you hold. Perhaps it's allowing yourself to expand into new platforms, to create new forms of content. Maybe there are places where you know that you have a desire to be more visible, uh, knowing inside of your system that that is the thing that is going to help you reach your next level inside of your work. So that's like the surface level of what we can talk about when we think about visibility. But we all know that there is so much that lives beneath the surface of that final action of letting ourselves be physically more visible to our audience or even allowing our audience to expand beyond what it already is. What I mean by visibility is yes, all of those things, but also our ability to begin to trust in our divinity, in our divine frequency, in the voice that we are here to share, in the gifts that we are here to communicate with our clients, and to let that be the thing that is guiding us as we allow ourselves to be more visible. So, visibility and our ability to be visible is really in tandem with the inner work that we can do to free up our system to let ourselves be seen in a deeper way. Because if you have ever been challenged by visibility in some way, if you have ever had anything come up for you around visibility, there will likely be some kind of a cloak sitting over you that is holding you back from allowing yourself to be seen, to be witnessed. That might look like a set of beliefs that you already know when I say that come up for you whenever you think about that or whenever you go to do the thing that you are about to do. It might simply be that you notice that there's like a nervous system response. Maybe there is a way that your system closes down. That can look like so many different things. It might look like when you're about to do the thing that suddenly you want a cup of tea. That's definitely one of mine, or you suddenly feel hungry. Maybe it's that you go into freeze mode and you suddenly don't know what you want to say. Perhaps it's that you procrastinate and think, okay, maybe I'll actually just do that tomorrow or later in the week, or you have some kind of a story that comes up that stops you from doing the thing that you want to do. We all have our own patterns around this. And the reason that this work is so important and so powerful is because not only does it make the business that you have more enjoyable, not only does it make the business that you have more successful, because of course, as we become more visible, we're able to attract align clients. But most importantly, this work that we do internally actually has an effect on every single aspect of our lives because as we learn to become more visible in one area, we're also really allowing ourselves to have more space to be more of who we truly are in every single aspect of our lives. And so this work is incredibly important and incredibly powerful. I cannot tell you the amount of times that I have worked on this piece with clients and suddenly they start to have more open conversations in their relationships, more open conversations with the people they love. They start to allow the cloak that I mentioned, that layer that kind of holds us in a real pattern of safety to begin to disintegrate in a way that feels deeply empowering and allows us to become more of who it is that we truly are. And so this is a really important piece of work. And I wanted to share a few things today around what we can do to begin to allow ourselves to become more visible. And I want to start this story with where I began with visibility, because it is often the case that the things that we end out supporting our clients with are things that we have moved through and embodied ourselves.

Fear Responses That Hide Your Voice

SPEAKER_00 5:13

And I wish that I knew what was possible for me when I was beginning as a yoga teacher and was absolutely terrified of sharing my voice because all I seen around me was people that this looked incredibly easy for. I did not get to witness everything that they likely moved through, just like me, in order to let themselves be seen inside of the work that they're here to do. And this is so layered. This conversation is so layered because if we look intergenerationally at the work that many of us, if you feel called to listen to this podcast, are here to do, this is work that we were shunned for, that we were literally moving through the witch trials many years ago for. And so there is a lot that can be held energetically in our system that makes this feel deeply, deeply challenging. And so I just want to share that if you're in that spot right now, if being seen inside of your gifts, inside of the work that you do is challenging, if being seen on social media feels deeply challenging for you, then it is okay to be there right now. And it also does not mean that that is going to have to impact the evolution of your business forever, because this is absolutely something that you can shift and change through devotion to your inner world. And so when I started as a yoga teacher, which is the first thing that I ever did in my business, the first way that I ever began to support clients, I used to tremble from head to foot when I had to share a Dharma talk at the beginning of class, that little opening speech that teachers do, if you're not familiar with what a Dharma talk is. I used to overthink that for days and days before I had to teach a class. I remember when I was starting my Instagram account to begin to call clients in, saying to a girl that I was coaching at the time because I was coaching, doing my coaching training while I was doing my yoga teacher training, and we used to buddy up with people who were in the course and coach each other. So on a call where she was coaching me and I was setting up this Instagram account, I point blank said to her, I will never speak on video on Instagram. And I remember being so firm on that, and her just like very curiously asking me questions around why. And at the time I had no awareness of why, but now I absolutely know it was the fear of being judged in what it was that I was going to be saying or how it was that I was sharing. And so we've came a long way since then. We've came a long way from that feeling so overwhelmingly difficult to the point where I was point blank refusing to even consider it as a possibility to now being here with you sharing this podcast episode, to having hosted retreats across the world where sharing Dharma talks has been something which, yes, of course, continue to feel vulnerable because we are, as yoga teachers, holding space and sharing what is on our hearts, but in a way that feels deeply integral to my inner journey and which I feel like I am now able to share my voice in a way that feels deeply like me. Of course, this is an ongoing journey. Of course, there are still times where I meet my own edges with visibility. There are times where I feel like crawling back and can witness my own patterns coming up for me. But the great beauty of doing this work is that as we start to unravel our nervous system patterns, our thought patterns that we start to become more attuned with, the easier it becomes to move through them as they come up, the easier it becomes to notice them, witness them, and to therefore be able to challenge them. And so there is so much power in starting to build awareness around whatever this looks like for you. And so I just wanted to share that before we dive into the ways that you can begin to lovingly support yourself with this because I want you to know that absolutely anything is possible for you. You could reach levels of visibility inside of your work that you never believe to be possible for you, or maybe even don't believe to be possible for you right now. Know that that is just a story and use me as evidence and as an example that being someone who finds this stuff really tricky or find this stuff really tricky doesn't mean that it has to feel like

From Trembling Teacher To Retreat Host

SPEAKER_00 9:57

that forever. So, one of the very first things that I did that allowed me to begin to create safety in my nervous system to become more visible was to get myself into spaces where other people were doing it too. To begin to get myself into spaces where I could be supported by other people who actually understood what I was going through and who could also give me evidence that I was actually safe in what I desired to create in terms of visibility. Because one of the reasons that we can shy away from allowing ourselves to be visible is we all have an innate and primal desire inside of our nervous system to be part of the tribe, to be part of the community, to be accepted to have belonging. And that is something that is very innate within us because it literally is the thing that allows us to survive. And so if we're about to do something that our nervous system and our subconscious deems as different, unsafe, a way that we might be judged, a way that we may be pushed out of the communities that we already exist in, it is going to do everything within its power to stop us from doing that. And so as we build community and people around us who get it, who are doing this work, who show us that it's possible, we are on that very subconscious level, allowing ourselves to realize that the things that we are deeply terrified of are not actually true. And that might not even be a very conscious choice. Like when I think back to that decision to get support inside of my business, to be in a mastermind of other women who were business owners and who were doing this work too, that was not like the driving force of me entering that was knowing that I needed community. I stepped into it because I wanted to learn how to run a sustainable business. I wanted to learn from a business coach who was in this area and who could guide me in setting up all of the things that I needed to do at the very beginning of my work. But it was an absolute byproduct that, if I reflect back, was actually probably the most healing and important component of me being inside of that space. And it was incredibly important for me personally because I was inside of that space during COVID, during a time where we were all disconnected from our communities. And it really allowed my business to grow from a place of feeling really connected to other people who were doing similar work to me. So think about the spaces that you can connect into, join, enter, get support inside of. And it might be one person, it might be a space with lots of people. It doesn't matter. All that we need is an ability to create that sense of belonging and safety inside of where it is that we're wishing to expand to. Without that, it is really difficult for us to challenge those stories and those feelings inside of our system in silo. The next thing that I wanted to speak to in terms of how we can support ourselves here is to lovingly begin to look at the stories that we hold, to lovingly begin to notice the ways in which our subconscious is trying to hold us back, to lovingly begin to witness where it is that our beliefs are showing up for us in order to create safety. And this will look different for everyone. Maybe there is a story around particular people from your past judging you, and those people are most definitely not your ideal clients. Maybe there is a fear around being misunderstood in what it is that you share. So those are just a couple of examples of some of the ways in which your mind might be trying to hold you back from being seen. And as you begin to notice those stories, the first thing that I want to remind you is that this can only be done from a place of deep compassion and non-judgment. As soon as we begin to judge ourselves for the stories that we hold, for the beliefs that are carrying forth into our business, into our work, that is the quickest way that we can shut down our nervous system. That is the quickest way that we can stop ourselves from being able to create any kind of change. And so it is really important that as we do this work of becoming aware of our stories and our beliefs, that we do so lovingly, with care, and with that attitude of non-judgment. And so think about how you can set that up for yourself. Maybe there's a little ritual that you do first. Maybe there's a way that you really regulate your nervous system to drop into being able to look at this stuff. Maybe there is a way that you can first sit in celebration and gratitude for all that you've already done, all of the ways that you've already showed up for yourself before you begin to dive into this nitty-gritty kind of work. When I do any kind of journaling or connecting in with stories and beliefs that I hold, I always start with a gratitude list. It is always a thing that I begin with first because I know that when I drop into gratitude and that energy of gratitude first, it is a thing that allows me to open up to everything else. It is a thing that allows me to create enough safety to therefore be able to look at the shadow. And

Build Safety Through Community

SPEAKER_00 15:45

so maybe that looks like a little ritual, maybe that looks like even the setting up of your environment of where you wish to do this before you start to dive into whatever those stories are and what that looks like for you. And something that can be really helpful inside of this is beginning to challenge those stories when they don't feel so loud. So not in the moment that you're about to post or the moment that this feel-in has become really big in your system, but taking time in your wake where it's not so activated so that you can actually look at this stuff a little more rationally, a little more logically, and from that very regulated place within. And then you start to challenge them. You start to lovingly look at those stories, the beliefs that you hold. You begin to question, is this true? Do I have any evidence of this? And what else might I like to believe here? What else could be true here? So we don't have to immediately say that this true thought is not true if that feels like a faraway place for you to be able to get to, but to just open yourself up to what other possibilities are here? What else could be true inside of this situation? If you're afraid of particular people judging you, could it also be true that your dream clients or even a previous version of you, if you think about that there are 1 million percent people who are at a previous stage of your journey who need to be supported by you? Could it also be true that they're watching, that they need to hear your message, your voice, your gifts? How can you look at the full picture of this action that you're about to take, this level of visibility that you're about to step into? How can you begin to shift the stories that are holding you back from letting yourself be seen? And this is ongoing work. This requires daily devotion to rewriting that narrative, to becoming familiar with the new story that you want to embed inside of your system that will continue to allow yourself to free up more space for again becoming more of who it is that you truly are. And the last thing that I wanted to speak to here because it has been an incredibly important part of my journey as a spaceholder and in doing this inner work on myself, which is body and energy work. Because our mind and body are constantly in communication with each other, and what we can do on our mind, we can also, of course, do with the body and with our energy system. And sometimes it can actually be a little easier to work with the body first, and our body is the way in which we can create more capacity to hold our ability to be more visible, it is a way in which we can regulate our nervous system to let ourselves safe inside of that, alongside, of course, rewiring those stories that can create the dysregulation inside of our body, and also our energy system, our energetic body holds things that we may not even consciously be aware of. These can be things that exist in our lifetime or even intergenerationally

Rewrite The Stories With Compassion

SPEAKER_00 18:55

that we can work through with energy in a way that we just can't access inside of our mind alone. And so this might look like very simple things. It might simply look like breathing, regulating your system through breath before you go do the thing that is expanding your visibility in some way with that intention of letting yourself feel safe there, and also regulating yourself after so that that window of capacity continues to expand. It might look like stepping onto your yoga mat, taking time to nourish your whole body and system to clear away anything that no longer is serving us. In yoga, we talk about some scaras, those patterns that we all hold that are inside of our system, holding us back from who it is that we truly are. And every time we show up to our mat, we're working through those some scaras and becoming more and more whole and connected to our true selves. It also might look like connecting in with a practitioner who can hold you inside of this space, who can perhaps support you to meet deeper parts of yourself that may feel like a blind spot right now, whether that's a Reiki practitioner or a kinesiologist or someone who can support you in that energetic capacity to work through anything in your system that is being held and ready to let go of with this intention in mind, with this intention of allowing yourself to be seen. This is the work that is going to allow you to expand into your next level. This is the work that is going to free you up to be the divine spaceholder that you are here to be. So, just to recap on this episode, the things that I have spoken to are getting yourself into community to create that sense of belonging inside of the new levels of visibility that you are here to access, find your expanders, get yourself into rooms with them, allowing yourself to work through lovingly and compassionately with the stories that are holding you back from letting yourself be visible and letting yourself be seen. And finally working with your body, doing the work on your body and your energetic system that is going to allow you to create freedom inside of your whole self. I hope this podcast has landed with you in whatever way it was meant to today. Thank you so much for tuning in on this little pocket of the internet and spending this time with me. It means the world to me to have you here and listening. If you haven't did so already, please go and like this podcast, give me a review. Um, what I would love to do is allow this podcast to get into the ears of as many women as need it in the world. So thank you so much for being here. And as always, if there is anything that you've taken away from this episode or there is a conversation that you'd love to have with me, please reach out in DMs. I absolutely love hearing from you about the podcast. It has been one of the most beautiful ways to connect in with you and this community. And I love receiving every single message that I do. So know that you can reach out there and I will be back with you inside of my DMs. And if this work is percolating as something that you are wishing to dive into in a deeper way, this is exactly what I do with my coaching clients. We do the energetic work, the inner work. I support you in every facet of your life and your business to bring that new level of you, that new level of visibility to life. So if that is something that you are interested in, again, you can either hop into my DM, send me a little message, or hop onto my website, infinite you.com, and you can read all about coaching with me and sign up for a discovery call. I hope you have the most incredible rest of your week, and I will chat to you really, really soon.