Summer Series with Teresa Vossen: Balancing Play, Rest, Growth, and Connection

Dr. Matt Bitsko welcomes back Teresa Vossen for the second episode of our Summer Series! Throughout this series, we’ll explore how to make the most of summer vacations, camps, and activities while moving through the seasonal transition with our kiddos in a way that feels smooth and manageable. In addition to exploring play, rest, growth, and connection, Teresa offers valuable insights on parent regulation. She reminds us that when parents refill their own cup, they are better equipped to handle challenges, stay connected, and support their children’s self-regulation.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to the Summit Emotional Health Podcast. I'm Dr. Matt Bitsko, a licensed clinical psychologist and the founder and CEO of Summit Emotional Health. We are excited to launch a new summer series where we will meet with a variety of our child and family clinicians to explore how to make the most of the upcoming summer vacations and successfully navigate this seasonal transition with ease. Our focus will be on helping families take advantage of the many opportunities Summer provides for engaging with our children. The main theme for these episodes will be on how to play, rest, grow, and connect with our children. These approaches and techniques will focus on preschoolers through elementary school. However, some of the approaches can be adjusted for middle schoolers as well. I'd like to thank our wonderful clinicians for sharing their time and insights on these very important topics. This series will feature Dr. Brynn Moore, Dr. Megan Lawson, Teresa Vosson, and Ashley Mork. So without any further delay, please enjoy this episode of the Summit Emotional Health Podcast. Hi, Teresa. Thank you so much for being here today.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

Good to be here, Matt. Thanks so much for having me.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

We're excited to have you back, and we're doing a brand new little twist. Instead of some of these non-negotiables, we're doing a summer focused series for parents, usually other little kids, right? So preschool, elementary school, maybe even some modified middle school stuff.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:22

So really excited to get this kicked off. Before we talk about our summer connections to play, rest, grow, and connect. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?

SPEAKER_02 1:32

Sure. So I've been working here at Summit for about two years and see the littles. I work with kids between four and twelve and their parents and families. I also am a um have a degree in sports psychology, and so I like to sprinkle that in, any of that information, to um the families I work with and do individual work with performance with some clients. So that uh is also a little bit of fun for me. So being able to have a variety of things that I can do here at some point.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

There you go. So not that the listener is gonna listen in order, but you know, in this series about how to grow, play, rest, and connect, we had Ashley Morke on last time who did a lot of stuff on executive functioning and stuff with kids. And you're gonna take us down a different path. You're gonna talk a little bit maybe more about some of the parent stuff and the intentionality there. So we are we're gonna bridge it from Ashley, you know, doing some of the executive functioning stuff. And this is gonna be a little bit of a connection, a lot of the rest from the parents' perspective. But especially, I think what you're trying to do today is really trying to build the parents' awareness as to what's going on with them, and that might really help impact what they do with with the kids, how they do it, and how they even respond, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:52

Yes. I mean, parents are the first teacher.

SPEAKER_03 2:54

You got it. All right, so walk us through some of some of your content here.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

So Ashley mentioned in in the last in the previous podcast about the best summer.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

And I think it's great to aim for the best and be okay with okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Summer is an adjustment for everyone. And routine is so important with that. So how you manage as a parent your own routines, your routine's going to shift as much as your kids, most likely. So um, how you can take care of yourself and know what you need to be able to fill your bucket, yeah, so that when you're interacting with your kids over the summer, it doesn't get completely depleted.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:41

So how you regulate yourself, how you build connection with your friends who you may not be able to see as often, and how you manage day-to-day.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

Because it's different. I mean, there's just a different sort of energy in the summer.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

Well, and and kind of how the parents or the family, first off, the parents want it to look, right? We've talked about this social media engagement of like having the perfect summer, and it can really be a version of an okay, a normal, like one that you want. So let's dig into your family's culture, right?

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:12

So say a little bit more about the parents and what they can be thinking about or kind of mindful of.

SPEAKER_02 4:17

Well, one, I I really think the first thought is how you use your phone.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

Let's go right there. Yeah, we're heading right.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Are you aware of your practices? Do you pay attention to the reminders that you get from your phone that tell you how long and how much time you've been on your phone doing what? Kids need our attention. And so what will you be willing to sacrifice with your phone as you parent?

SPEAKER_01 4:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:46

How will you set time aside to look at your emails so when you're trying to have one-on-one time or activity time that you're not on your phone? Um, pictures are great, but really to be able to appreciate your children and have them feel appreciated and and notice your present mind is to just turn that screen off. Yeah, and maybe play around with making memories without having to take so many photos. So the kids really feel that there's just engagement and that's part of that connection that summer can provide us.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

It's kind of a baseline one. I mean, you said kids need our attention. They they crave attention, that's a healthy thing. And this kind of video went through my head when you were saying it because if you don't give it, if you can't proactively see it or respond, they'll ask for it.

SPEAKER_02 5:41

Well, and not necessarily verbally.

SPEAKER_03 5:44

Well, they might not say, Mother, can I please have your attention, or father, can you please when you but they'll just say, Hey Ma, hey ma, or this and that, and like how it goes. And if that's a pattern of how some of these go, that's to your insight of like, okay, let me let me think about what I want my phone practices to be for someone.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

And also just your intention of how you what interactions that you want to how the type of interactions you want to have with your kids. Most of us want them to be pleasant, right? So thinking about that, again, knowing yourself and what you can handle, not trying to keep up with whatever you see on social media or hear your friends talking about, like what works for you. And Ashley talked about that last time too. So it's that self-awareness that's going to help you know what's next. And part, like thinking about the grow part, like leaning into that. A lot of the work that I do with parents is helping to establish routines that work for families. Um, because routine is regulation. And for kids who may have a little bit of anxiety or some difficulty with some emotional regulation, but all kids in general, there's less anxiety when we know what's coming next. Just that's for all of us. That's just a human condition. So how you can create routines that work for you and for everybody else, um, keeping everyone's needs in in mind. So a three-year-old's needs are going to be different from a five-year-old's to an eight-year-old's to a 43-year-old uh parent. So keeping that in mind. The other part of growing is this is growing for everyone, possibly as you as a for you as a parent and for the kids that you're taking care of. And autonomous I'm a big fan of autonomy, meaning a choice. And so whenever there's possibility, always offer a choice of at least two, at the most two, really. I mean, it depends on for age. Older kids, you could give three sometimes, but two is best for you and for the child. So then there's like less fewer things to have an argument about, but and include them in as many as you're planning for the weeks, and you might have to do it like a week ahead, like ask the kids or your child, like, what would you like to do? Here are five ideas that I have.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

And they can be sprinkled throughout the summer because there's gonna be thrown in with family vacations most likely, or camps or other things that get in the way, but like, what are the top three things that you wouldn't be able to do this summer? Yeah. And they don't have to be big. Or you can also say within the parameters, like, okay, we're gonna stay, we're gonna have our special days in Richmond, right? What are the things in Richmond that you haven't explored or that you've explored before, maybe with school or other places that you like, like the Teapots Bridge or places like that? So many free and accessible forms of nature in Richmond that we could take great advantage of. And nature is like one of the most research says, uh, is one of the more relaxing ways that kids can like natural engagement with a natural environment is something that is just calming and soothing in general. And so water or birds or walking or riding or just being in on a trail, like the buttermilk trail. And I just sit and listen to the birds because that's all there is about it. So providing like having your kids experience that just what bird song sounds like. So those are some suggestions thinking about as you're planning though, to think about the length of activities, like how long what's the what's your kids' tolerance level? And if you plan for an hour, it might last 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

But to know, like if you're doing this week to week, maybe one or two outings a week at the most, how your you may see your child's skills be able to increase and the time that they can work increases the more practice they have. I'm a big proponent of practice of many, many things. Um so also to be clear ahead of time before you leave the house or even as you're planning these activities, and again, it doesn't take a lot of planning, but be clear with your kids what you expect from them. Like, I expect you to be safe, and we have we hold hands in certain places. So safety first, of course, but packing water and food.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:54

But the planning, um, the behavior is also like so focusing on earning and not taking away. If you plan this for a Wednesday and somebody does something on a the Tuesday previous, it's not something you take away. Something that you still continue because it's an activity and it's gonna help you to get outside as as well as much as the kids, but how you follow up on that later.

SPEAKER_03 10:15

Um, say a little bit more about so you said an awful lot of good stuff as far as like how to plan, how to communicate, um, whether it's throughout the whole summer and we want to knock these out, or is there gonna be some some sort of mantra that we're doing? Uh we want to visit eight city parks. We want to do this and that. We did a bad one, you wouldn't like it because this one costs a little bit of money. But I remember years ago we were like, how how many Richmond ice cream shops can we get?

SPEAKER_01 10:43

That sounds great.

SPEAKER_03 10:44

Right. So that costs money, but we we we knew each other well enough to know we were probably gonna be having ice cream. Right. So instead of going to one or two, we could make that a cool thing. We're gonna be spending a certain amount of money on ice cream anyway, so why not do that?

SPEAKER_02 10:55

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

Um love that. But go back, that's a really cool point. And I've taught to parents of all ages that example, if you have something planned on a Wednesday and something happens, there's a little bit of a meltdown or a behavioral misfortune on a Tuesday, how not to take the Wednesday away. Can you walk just walk them through that? Because I think it's important.

SPEAKER_02 11:16

Um yes. The point of that is when we plan something, kids look forward to it. And we want that to be use that as an opportunity to help your child see that they can sometimes go off the rails, and that can be for a lot of different reasons, especially during the summer with heat and activities and over activities. Like let that just be a one-off to know like this is something that my kid struggles with, and it would have happened probably anyway if we didn't have anything planned. And being true to your word and following through on the things, even when you think someone doesn't deserve it, is important because kids need to learn reliability and consistency. And that's our job as parents to be as reliable and consistent as we can. So that builds trust, that builds connection, and connection is the key to relationship and with anyone or anything.

SPEAKER_03 12:16

Well, but but you're not exactly saying, you know, not not to attend to whatever that you know um misbehavior was on Tuesday. There's a lot of ways, either immediately, maybe pretty quickly and pretty consistently, but you want it to be brief anyway. But to your point of like not having it impact the next day's event, I listen to that as a parent because the subtle message, and you probably don't want to say this to your kids, your four or six or eight-year-old, it's okay to send the message without saying it that, well, this is what we're doing anyway, and anybody's behavior isn't getting in the way of what we're what like what our family is going to do, what the culture of our family is what we're just gonna do, right? Because if you do that, then the kid feels bad and the sibling starts yelling, and oh my gosh, and it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I think I think we've focused on something uh inappropriate, right?

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Yes, yes, and and not effective for anyone in terms of family connection as well, right? So that fingers don't get points. So thanks for bringing that making that point. The other part, just again, going through grow is plan for meltdowns. Yeah, just plan it so that first of all you regulate yourself, take a breath, enlist patience, whatever that needs to happen, that this is happening, make sure everyone's safe in the area if you're in it, you know, depending upon where you are, and get quiet if your kiddo gets louder. That helps them to if you talk to them when they're upset, all they hear is the Charlie Brown teacher wah, wah, want because they because they've lost their executive functioning skills, as Ashley talked about last week. So, and then try again a day later because they still need that practice of whatever you were doing before. And always keep in mind what your exit strategy is going to be if you're in a space, right? Um, there's no need to be embarrassed, it can be uncomfortable, but most places that you will most likely be with your kids is a place that's family friendly, and people understand. Kids have a hard time sometimes, yeah. And that's the importance of having keeping the schedule and your routine as close to the same thing every day in terms of timing and waking up and eating breakfast and what time you go out and what you eat and how many sweets they have and how much screen time they have. All of those things contribute to regulation.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

And so while there were you may not be doing the same thing every day, it's important to make sure the schedule is similar to what is going to happen every day. That makes sense. I said earlier that I'm a big fan of practicing, and I think practicing can be anything related, especially related to like if a kid's going to a new summer camp and they don't know where it is or they haven't met anyone there, take a field, take a field trip.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:58

You drive them there, say this is what it looks like. Oh, there's somebody inside, like, especially for kids who may have some some separation anxiety tendencies, like you just gave them a picture of like how great this place is going to be, and you can build it up. And and if they have a friend that is also going, have them go along too, just sort of explore so that there's there's like less feeling, but you get to practice visiting places, and then you also get to practice certain behaviors that you want them to learn throughout throughout the summer, and that's that's and part of the grow piece too. So I mentioned that, like thinking about one example is if you have a child that's five or six, but doesn't know how to spend time alone in their room, is that something you can practice over periods of time? Start with 10 minutes of a quiet time, and then they come out and they get positive reinforcement for all the things you're doing, which we can talk about in a second.

SPEAKER_03 15:48

So things to practice and to to visit, but I love that practice, but that's something that that the parent is going to have to intentionally try to put in there. And then the kid will learn perhaps the more I tell my parents what I'm worried about or what I'm excited about, or I might need a visitor or practice of that one, then it turns into more of a symbiotic kind of thing, right? Yes. Especially if the parents thinking, what can we practice today, right? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

Yes. Yeah, and include in that what you want to practice. And not really just about like, today I just want to make I want to practice taking breaths at a red stop light, you know, so I can get used to taking breaths when I need them when my kid is looking like it's a red stop light, right? So um those kinds of things too.

SPEAKER_03 16:31

You said expect for expect meltdowns, plan for meltdowns. We're trying to take a very parent-focused approach to this. Can can parents plan to not melt down themselves?

SPEAKER_02 16:44

That's a really great question. Again, if we go back to the okay summer, you're gonna be able to regulate yourself when you're able to, and when you are not able to look like you're regulating yourself, like parents are human, and I think if you're not regulating yourself in the best way, you you're doing it in the best way you can at that moment.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

So I think what I I talked when I talk to parents, I say give yourself grace, right? Like we are every day is a new day every for you and your child and wherever we are. So keeping that in mind, you do your best you can with what you have. But if you need to practice some things, tune in to like do your own self-reflection of like, how did I handle that? What could I have done differently? Could I have done anything different? You can go back and do some self-reflection and learn from it without beating yourself up. And what did my kid need at the time that I wasn't able to get? And what why was that? I was I was tired.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

I was beat. Or or you might have been in your kind of let me give you a silly example and I'll try to apply it. Um, so I I decided when my kids were younger that we have a lot of family out of town, not a lot of family. So we're we do a lot of trips to see family. Well, let's I'll blame it on my parents, of course, but we we did the same when I was growing up. And and I just remember that that like hour to like get in the car, like all packed up and everything. You're laughing, you might have experienced this.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

I'm one of nine, remember.

SPEAKER_03 18:05

There you go, there you go. I mean, that hour, it was just always conflict, like there could never not be conflict. And then I found myself doing that as a father. And then my kids were telling me about what I was like, what is going on? So I I picked that. I didn't tell anybody, but I was like, you know what? The next couple times that we're packing to go on a trip, I'm gonna be calm. I'm not gonna get worked up, I'm not gonna care about the time or the traffic or and and for the better part, I think I was able to do it. But I picked one thing that was a pattern that had to do with my kids, and I just said, I'm not melting down, I'm not freaking out.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:44

And that oddly was very effective for me. Now, to the point of like summer and like when you're trying to do these trips or anything, the parent might be able to say, I kind of freak out at this point. Yes. Whether it is getting out of the house, this is and they might say, you know, for the whatever it takes, I'm gonna stay relaxed, I'm gonna be calm, I'm gonna be, they might be able to pick something. Yeah, like I'm just not gonna freak out. I'm not gonna be on Timmy because Timmy's always the last one in the car, and he knows it frustrates me. And if I just yell at him one more time, it'll be great. I don't know, but you know what I mean? They can they can pick something throughout the summer that might be their weak link. And and it could be as simple as I'm just not, I'm not having the meltdown.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

Yeah, no, that's perfect. And sometimes that happens, and that's the piece of like Sure. Right. So, but I'm not having that meltdown of that type, right? That's right. Yeah. And you're gonna see if that worked for you or not.

SPEAKER_03 19:39

I guess I can do that if I choose to. So maybe that's my responsibility now to find other places. But yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

I find that once we have self-awareness of something, we just pay more attention. And so for you, that was self-awareness of the car, but and I also find that it's like a multiplying factor. So when you realize it in one part of your day, you're like, oh wait, you realize the patterns, and our brain loves patterns and loves to connect everything. So you know, what a great opportunity for like parents and the rest of us over the summer to be able to do that same sort of like learning and growing ourselves. Yeah, absolutely. Parenting the job that no one gives you any, you know, training for.

SPEAKER_03 20:18

Nope. Nope, nope. And and like we've said several times here, if we end up getting a C on it, that's probably a passing grade. That's right. It's not gonna be perfect.

SPEAKER_02 20:26

Right.

SPEAKER_03 20:27

So Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

And our kids will still love us at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_03 20:30

That's the theory. There you go. Anything else on on growth?

SPEAKER_02 20:34

I think I think that covers it.

SPEAKER_03 20:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:36

Oh, there is one thing though. If you just a heads up, be forthcoming, like for camps or child care, be forthcoming about your child's needs and what works. Like it's not something to be embarrassed about because as being on the other side as a camp counselor, like it helps to know what helps kids.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:56

And as a parent, then you're also providing that support for your child when you're not there through other people.

SPEAKER_03 21:03

So just a nice little bridge through through the communication or advocacy. Gotcha. Walk us through some of the play and explore stuff.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

So uh again, leaning into that choice and autonomy, include your children in the planning because it will increase their their interests and build their confidence that you believe that that they have the ability to choose those things, right? Um, think about maybe each child picks an activity for the week, or if that's if you have four kids, you might just want to give two kids that. Um, and then the other kids the next week get to choose two things or one thing, depending upon what your what your week is like. Thinking it the more they can be involved, the less work you have to do because they're excited to help to be able to go do that thing, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:50

Um, so also in terms of like the best versus an okay summer, if your kids really liked something in June, yeah, and everyone liked it and it was. A fun time, it's okay to repeat that. Oh, yeah. Just like n maybe give it some time and space to know like if they like it, then that's just easier for you. That's or there's less planning for you to do if if that's something you've already done before.

SPEAKER_03 22:14

There can be a sense of mastery, right? A sense of familiarity. It might be easier to get them in the car. And then when they get there, they can be more independent if you do it a second or third time. And that just plays into all these things which you've been teaching us about.

SPEAKER_02 22:26

Yeah. Right? Yeah. So just that opportunity to learn and grow together.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

Right.

SPEAKER_02 22:31

Um using the resources that you have in your community, going online, friends, whatever that is. If you are like drawing blanks as you're trying to think of how to fill your kids' time calendar, use your resources. You have we all have resources, so don't be afraid to like reach out to people because I'm sure they'll pick your brain when you are calling to ask the same thing. They'll want to know what you're doing. So you can all help that that piece it.

SPEAKER_03 22:58

Well, and those resources could go a couple different ways. Like we said, it doesn't have to be very expensive. If you have the means and you want to make it very extravagant, do it. By all means do it. If you know as a family you need to focus on things that are actually 90% of them are free, great, they're somewhere in the middle. It harkens me back to those books that were coming up when we were um, you know, teenagers, but also in our 20s. Like, how how to be on how to go through Europe on $10 a day, right? How to do like it's okay for a family to have that mantra, like, hey guys, here's our challenge. How do we do these activities, how many activities per week or per summer that are either going to be free or gonna only cost it, you know, depending on the age of the kids, they might even be able to have some fun with that as well.

SPEAKER_02 23:40

Right, right. And I think that just gives them the idea that there are some there are resources that are untouched.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:47

And how they can access those as they get older, especially when they have bikes and can ride, they can explore some of those areas as well. Again, building that independence, that autonomy, and mastery altogether.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:02

Um, all of that is great. Don't feel like you have to do everything at once, really just sprinkle things again. Paced yourself because when you're paced, your kids will be better paced as well. So keeping that in mind. So, how to think about just activities at work, scavenger hunts, although as a mom, I think that I wouldn't have had the it would have been tricky for me to try to like put all that stuff together, but I know friends could do it, or I could do it with another family, and then I'd probably be more likely. So that's also building connection in some other ways. But using bubbles outside, you can do these simple things at home without having to leave balloons inside. Um, a family member told me that balloons work really well in airports with kids while you're waiting. So, for those of you who are traveling by plane, they really do work, especially when you have a long layover.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:52

And you can pop them and throw them away. And but it's a way to entertain your kids um for a long time in a in a busy place. Laying on the ground and looking at clouds and just being able to see how your kids think, really, and how you think and what comes up as they connect to the earth, which grounding is so important, it just is a another like natural way of relaxing. So being able to think about that and also like feel free to have a dance party, just something that you get to uh they get to pick the music, you know. So what they how they can be DJs for you or whatever that may be. Little Richard was a big fan. We were big fans of Little Richard when my kids were younger because he did this. I don't know if any of you know who little Rich little Richard is, but uh of just kids' songs, but in Little Richard's way. So it was just like a really fun way to connect, and they loved it too. So, and then like a rainy day reset. That's a time when you can watch a movie or think about some baking or building, and baking sneaks in some math skills, and Ashley probably talked about some other like executive functioning skills that like also boosts sort of that reading piece. Yeah. Um in one way, another thing to think about is just keeping a summer journal, a family journal for the family. And this is good for all ages because a three-year-old could draw a picture of what they liked and someone could write about it or cut things out from a magazine. It doesn't have to be in written form, but just a sort of some historical piece of information for your family. So when you look back at five or ten years, like we did that, right? Yeah, and that's a way for another way to to keep track of things without having your phone.

SPEAKER_03 26:30

I was just gonna say that that totally attracts with one of your first things, right?

SPEAKER_02 26:33

Yeah, yeah. And then just resting, we've talked about some of these things that I mean, some of the playing and exploring includes this, but again, just finding ways will help your child rest in the way they need to rest. One of my kids took naps like religiously every day at the same time until he was like three and a half. The other one gave them up at 16 months. So um we had to like teach him how to entertain himself. It was a very tough process because I think it was probably till he was about five that he was like had to be with one of us and couldn't do it on his own. So thinking about practicing time alone for 10 minutes and reaching it to 20 minutes and so that they can have that build that confidence knowing that they're gonna spend some time in their room and they get to choose what it is. But that might be times where you like are throwing cardboard or empty paper towel tubes in their room to give them lots of tape, like just giving them things that they can do. It's very tactile stuff, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:34

Well, and when we were prepping for this, you know, you were talking about how the rest time, it also could be rest time for the parent. Yeah. We're bringing it to the parents first. But like if you build in rest time, then you can model it. We talked about kids read more if they see their parents read, but if you can model in rest time for you, whatever that means, as long as it's not you know four hours of a nap that mom goes away for a little bit. We're not encouraging that. That might be part of our um our disclaimer. We have that put at the end of this. Definitely, but but it's it's really okay, right? Out of care and respect for the parents, and what can this summer be and what can these days be for you, it's it's rest there, which will translate to rest for the kids, and that it's okay to have that to be the balanced part of what we're doing.

SPEAKER_02 28:12

Yes, balance is key.

SPEAKER_03 28:13

Yeah. I mean, I guess out of all the things I'm hearing, like you did a good job with some of those lists, some things for them to consider. But you even said from the start, scavenger hunt. I don't know if I would have had the bandwidth and I don't really like it, right? But maybe some other people. It again, it's back to the parents being like, what interests me? You know, what would I like to do? Instead of like looking on Instagram and being like, ugh, these people did that, which means I have to do these 12 things, nine of which I don't like. Right. Don't do those, right? And I know that makes so much sense and that could seem so basic, but I just think it's important to allow us going into the summer with our kids, right? Because we're evolving as parents. Even if it was just last summer, they're all a year older. So it's well, hopefully it's not daunting, but it can be fun to be like this summer, what fits me? What fits our kids? Just in a way that doesn't have to be forced, or we you don't have to hit that checklist of the 12 Instagram activities, right? But just pieces like that, right?

SPEAKER_02 29:14

Yes, these are just some ideas to consider, yeah, right? And thinking about what you need, what your kids need, and ways to adjust from a school schedule to the summer schedule so that you can enjoy each other's company.

SPEAKER_03 29:27

I have one last thing to throw out there. Um, this is like some older research, but maybe it applies. Do you remember way back in the day when they were talking about, this is like 30 years ago, kids who had uh family dinner at the table, you know, two to three nights a week, had all these positive outcomes. They were smarter, they were more socially adept, they were more that they scored probably higher you know, SATs and you know, didn't go to jail, all sorts of stuff, right? People were stuck on family dinner is a thing to do.

SPEAKER_02 29:57

Right.

SPEAKER_03 29:58

And then we found out 10 or 20 years later, looking at it, it was actually having the parents or having a family culture that could plan and enact a family dinner that actually showed the health of the family.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

And probably meant the health of the kids. So I say all that to be like if you're trying to do a 45-minute thing during the summer or do a two-hour thing for the summer, like just try to make it work.

SPEAKER_02 30:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:21

Like just try to find ways to make it work because even though it is not going to be perfect and Timmy's still gonna have his meltdown and it's gonna be what it's gonna be, the fact that the family gets to look back at the end of the summer or the end of you know, 10 years and say, more often than not, we were able to pull this off, right? That might be the most healthy part about it.

SPEAKER_02 30:43

Yes, and and that brings us back to connection, right?

SPEAKER_03 30:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:46

Dinner was not only that they could plan and organize do it, but like once they were at the table, there was some connection of some sort that made people want to come back and do it again. And they kept doing it and repeating that, and that's that's the key.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

One thing I didn't mention that I want to make sure I include is there's this saying among parenting of connection before correction.

SPEAKER_01 31:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:11

So when something's not going well with our kiddo, and we want to say, well, we need to fix that, think about or consider leaning in with it looks like you're really frustrated with that and it's not going your way. Is there something do you need help? Right. Acknowledging that what they're experiencing is hard. One, that's connecting. Two, you stating an emotion that they may not be familiar with or know how to state the emotion that they're feeling to be able to tell you instead of they're acting it out instead of talking it out, right? How you are modeling that. Like I see you have a feeling, but I'm gonna connect with you because I want you to be okay, or at least to have the help you need.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 31:55

That is a skill that they will take with them because they will learn, especially as you continue to do this, that there are different emotions, and all emotions are okay, and sometimes we struggle, but part of that connection and growth is learning how to get through the struggle and come out on the other side feeling okay, and then knowing that you have their back.

SPEAKER_03 32:16

That's kind of it right there. And what what a great last little tidbit to kind of end on. And again, as parents, I think we need these simple messages, these simple mantras, connection before correction, even though we are not going to get it perfectly. And we might look at that and be like, geez, I do the opposite all the time. So maybe you just try a little bit for that. I mean, that's all part of the work that we're trying to do.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

Well, Teresa, thank you so much for being here. Our series, our summer series about play, rest, grow, and connect. And look forward to doing this again with you soon.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

Okay. Sounds good.

SPEAKER_03 32:48

Thank you. As always, thank you for tuning in to this week's episode. If you enjoyed the conversation, be sure to follow the podcast so you never miss an episode. We appreciate you being part of the Summit Emotional Health community, and we'll see you next time.