OBGYN and Friends Get Real About Life and Perimenopause | Pelvis Party

Welcome to this week's episode of After Clinic Hours! In these audio-only episodes, Britt meets with physicians on their days off to discuss their personal journeys, what motivates them, why they chose their specialty and more. 

You know those conversations that happen after dinner, over wine, or in the group text? This episode feels exactly like that.

We are back with Dr. Heidi Gaston and three of her friends/patients joining Britt for a refreshing discussion about friendship, motherhood, careers, relationships, business ownership, perimenopause, and the constant challenge of trying to do it all. Honest, vulnerable, educational, and funny—this is the conversation every woman wishes she could eavesdrop on.

Check her out here! ⬇️
https://www.olmmed.org/find-a-provider/profile/?id=658 

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See you next week! 💞

Don't forget to follow us on Instagram and TikTok and stream the podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts ➡️ https://linktr.ee/pelvisparty

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

There's not a lot of merit in checking an estrogen level for a perimenopausal woman who's experiencing symptoms of estrogen withdrawal. If you're experiencing symptoms, we address the symptoms. If your estrogen level is gonna tell me whether you're pre-menopausal or post-menopausal, and that's about all it's gonna tell me.

SPEAKER_03 0:21

Today's episode is a little different, and honestly, I think it's gonna be one of my favorites. We have Dr. Gaston here for another episode with us as our expert. But we also have three of her real life friends joining us. They're moms, they're in the thick of perimenopause, and they've either received care from Dr. Gaston or leaned on her as both a physician and a friend. So welcome to our guests.

SPEAKER_02 0:45

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

We'll take a minute and get to know each of you. So if we could go around and just tell us who you are, what you do, how many kids you have, a little bit about your background. You guys are all looking at me.

SPEAKER_05 0:56

I guess I'm gonna go. I am Joey, and I am a teacher, high school teacher, math and computer science. And I have two kids, 10 and 6. And I'm in grad school right now, so some extra stress. And I get to be a Girl Scout leader with both Beth and Heidi. So that's another thing. I like to knit and read, and that is a commonality between all of us is reading. So that's how I feel my times. Maybe let's also add, how did you first meet Dr. Gaston? Well, I actually heard Heidi's name from a friend at work. It was must have been shortly after you started practicing in the area, and she said, Hey, my doctor went to Albert Lee, and I I had to go with her because I really, really like her. And I hadn't had her as a doctor. And then when Beth had her and was talking about her, I was like, Oh yeah, that's that's who that is. And so then when Beth connected us and we met up, I knew of her and of her care and the great experiences my friends had had before we became friends. My name's Beth, and I have two children as well, really close in age to Joey. And Joey and I live across the street from one another. So we have a special relationship as families, too. But my son is nine and my daughter is six. I'm a business professional, so marketing and sales is what I do and love it. I'm in the food industry and it's one of my favorite industries to be in. So love food and all that that comes with that. Outside of work, Girl Scout leader with Heidi and Joey, which is so much fun. My family lives close by as well, so lots of time being a sister and a daughter, in addition to a wife, mother, businesswoman, all of those things. So I'm at Dr. Gaston. Well, Dr. Gaston delivered both of those children that I talked about. And I'm so grateful because this woman has seen me at literally my worst, and probably also at my best. And so I'm just incredibly grateful for the friendship that we formed. And we formed that friendship starting as like she was my care provider for my kids. And then we're kind of like, we really like each other. Like, maybe maybe we should be more than just a patient doctor relationship. Like, maybe we should be friends. And then I was like, and I have these other great friends too that I think you would really like. And that's just sort of how we all got together, and our husbands like one another, and I don't know, we're kind of like the crazy eight or the great eight. I don't know how to how to describe that necessarily, but it's been an incredible journey, and I wouldn't be where I'm at without Dr. Gaston's care, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

Yeah, I was telling Britt about that experience with your prenatal care before you guys got here tonight. And I said, you know, we we hit it off during your first pregnancy, and your husband came with you to, I think, all of the visits. Yeah, he did. And I was thinking during the time and voiced you guys at the time, like, I think you'd get along really well with me and my husband outside of work. And you were both like, yeah, yeah. And then, you know, you had your baby, and we kind of lost touch because it was the beginning, or it was the end of the professional part of the relationship. And you came back with your second pregnancy and said, What's up? What's happened since the last time I saw you? And I said, Well, I had a baby since you last came. I was like, What? I'm not having a baby.

SPEAKER_05 4:20

And I was like, and this baby is a girl or a boy, or what is their name?

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Like, so congratulations. So that was kind of the beginning of like, well, clearly we need to have a relationship outside of this clinical setting because I want to know what's happening in your life more often than here's a life update. There was a pregnancy and a baby, and now there's a person that uh that's part of my family.

SPEAKER_05 4:42

Later on in our friendship, that happened again, only it was with a dog. Like I had and and not as much time had passed. It had only been a couple of months, maybe, but our schedules weren't aligning or whatever. And then we got a dinner at Applebee's, and she's like, So we got a dog, and I jotted before again. And I was like, Why do you keep bringing these surprises?

SPEAKER_00 5:03

I feel like it's worth saying Charlotte was not a surprise. Our our child was a planned child. The dog was fairly um unplanned as far as like not a lot of investigation or planning went into the decision making before it actually happened.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

All right, I am Jen. I kind of think we're all I need to include. I uh married and I have two boys. Oldest is 14, and the youngest just turned 11. And I feel like they're all going on like 30 and 40 because they're so smart and they don't need any of us anymore. We don't live across the street, but I have been good, good friends with Joey for a very long time. Our um husbands went to college together, and Joy's husband was my husband's best man in our wedding, and then got introduced to Beth and Keith and the kids, and I've just been so grateful because it's really hard to make friends as adults. And I just, it's like one of the best parts of my life is our friendship. And then Heidi and her family came along too. But I first met Heidi because I was a part of her orientation at Mayo Clinic Health System in Albert Lane, Austin. I worked in marketing there, and so I was her public affairs orientation, and so and she knew of me because my husband went to school, not with you, but in the same groups and wrestled and so knew your your dad and brothers, and so we kind of knew of each other. And then it really wasn't until Beth brought Heidi up in conversation and and the kids and the husband, and then our sons swimmed together, so got to know each other through that too. And then I am a freelance writer, and so work from home and I have a variety of clients across the country, and it's been a change in my life in the last three years that I've done this, and so it's been very different, but it's been good. She also has a dog. Yes, I do, I do, and he is my baby because we're not having any more babies, and my kids don't need me anymore.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

And by that she means that they desperately need her, but they think they don't because they are young men.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Yes, correct, with facial hair.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

So that's a huge transition, right?

SPEAKER_02 7:03

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

And and I I have the oldest kid of the group. So my son is 15 and he's the oldest of all of the kiddos. So I have three kids, and with Jackson being the 15-year-old, I'm the first to experience a lot of the things. So the the growth spurt that then Jenny's son was like, Well, I want to be as tall as Jackson. Why does he get to be tall and I'm not as tall as him? And then the facial hair, and then the now the permit. And for anybody listen, oh, I didn't did I talk about the student driver sticker last time? In the so if you listen to the last podcast and we talked about the student driver magnet, that was from Jenny. And Beth was driving Jackson around in a scavenger hunt when he called me and said, Mom, somebody stole the student part of our student driver magnet. It only says driver on the back of the VI. I said, No, no, no. We we we just put the student away because the driver is your dad, so he's not a student driver right now.

SPEAKER_03 8:04

I love this energy and having you all together because in when we were first developing the pelvis party, uh, we were coming off of a video series that felt really clinical. It was a Zoom series, and it was one person on the side of the camera with a clinical expert, and it wasn't getting the reach that we wanted. So I sat down with a business colleague and then another provider. And we sat like this in a coffee shop and we brainstormed what we wanted the future of our health talk to look like. And this is it. It's you all together talking as friends and talking about things that bother you, your health concerns, laughing a little bit about it because there is some humor, but really normalizing the discussion because everybody needs to be having conversations. You all are lucky enough to have a doctor as a friend, which is so amazing.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

And and to be fair, I love this group as both supporters and role models because we have so many different industries represented within this group of women. Our husbands are also successful. We'll give them that credit. But I feel like the ladies in this group are really representing and and showing our kids what things can look like from a professional and a public engagement perspective. Jenny didn't mention it, but sh she said that our kids are on the same swim team, but she was a humongous resource for our swim boosters this this spring. We had a big fundraiser for Easter, and she and her husband made a huge impact in us being able to do it. So there are things that are happening at home and professionally and outside of our personal life that we're showing our kids like this is the way that you can that you can succeed in multiple facets of your life. And and I think that's so important that they see other adult role models other than just their parents. I love that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 10:06

There's lots of conversations of like, oh, that's what you want to do? Like, oh, you should talk to Heidi about that. You should talk to Beth about that. So it's really great to be able to have some well some knowledge and variety things. I love I love just talks, even talking professionally with this group is so much fun of like, well, what are you working on? And hearing about how Joey's like blazing a trail in computer science or high school, where like if she hadn't stuffed up and said, We need this programming, like our area wouldn't have that type of access. And she's now pursuing her graduate degree because that's gonna prepare her to prepare her students and to build a curriculum. And like, I get so excited about that. Like, that's really it's outside my field that I'm like here to cheer her on. And when Jenny stepped into this, like you took a huge leap of faith on yourself to say, I can do this, like I am worth it, and I can do it, and I can run my own business. And like watching you do that was so scary and so fun at the same time, and you're crushing it, and then to like know that Heidi took a he another huge leaf recently professionally, and to like be alongside you doing that with you is so inspiring. Like to know that this is this is this is gonna be the better fit for my family. This is gonna be a great fit for me professionally, like to watch each other's professional growth is really fun, I think too. Um, I love being surrounded by women that are like out there kicking butt. Or can I can I swear on this podcast? No, I don't think butt says swear or does it? Okay, I don't. It's I've changed it. I just had to ask because I was gonna say something else.

unknown 11:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:47

Kicking butt in their fields, and like that, like I just love the energy, but I get that from that part of the friendship too. Like it's relatable.

SPEAKER_03 11:57

So it sounds like you guys have figured out a way to navigate the professionalism that Heidi has to have in clinic when she's giving you medical advice, but also as a friend. What's that like for you, Heidi?

SPEAKER_00 12:09

So I actually think that Bess really articulated it so well. She if so she saw me for an annual health maintenance visit a couple of months ago. We reviewed some things for her and talked about where she was in her life and what to expect and and you know, what medications and whatever, but there was a spot that she had on her back that that Joey had pointed out to her when she saw in in probably a swimsuit or a tank top and said, you know, Beth, I can see this. I don't know if you can see this, but I I think that this warrants somebody with some medical knowledge looking at. And Beth had me look at it and I said, Yeah, I agree. Let's get you to a dermatologist. And it actually ended up in a in a biopsy, but thankfully a benign biopsy. But Beth texted us afterwards and said, how wonderful to be able to receive care from somebody who cares about me in more than just a professional relationship. And and it is so impactful for me too to be able to know that that my friends trust me and and value my opinions from a professional perspective and know that that they're receiving great care from me.

SPEAKER_05 13:31

Yeah, I think that was as we were exploring, do we want to be friends at the beginning? And I was I said to Heidi, I was like, I am open to that, but I want to put that in your camp. Like that's for you to decide if you think that's something you can hold hold on to in both capacities. And like it's been beautiful. Like it's been amazing to know that I can I can go to you with part of those most private things, and know that there is such love behind that advice. And like, I think when I first met her as a provider, like that's I fell in love with her as a provider because she brought that that bedside manner is what we kind of call it in the industry, right? But she brought that true care for her patients forward, and like to have that in my life all the time is so amazing. Like, that's really great. But I think like I just love having access to that type of duality of professionalism and care. And like Joni in the clinic jokes with me, just like she's part of our friend group. Like, it's great. I I love I love having both things in play. It's really, it's really wonderful.

SPEAKER_03 14:39

That's really beautifully said. Is there or was there a moment or something that you were nervous to ever share with Heidi in the clinic?

SPEAKER_05 14:48

So I I don't I don't have Heidi as a doctor right now, but there was uh a moment in time where I was having like chronic chronic yeast infections, and like for women, like that is you don't talk about it a lot, and like it is so uncomfortable, and it was happening like it was happening during a winter, and like it happened with my cycle too. And so I had gone in and seen, you know, whoever got got the medicine, and I remember having a conversation with you of like like what what could be happening? Like, I I don't know, like, and it was so nice to have someone to talk to because there's times where you want you want medical advice, but you also want reassurance that like this is this is okay, like we can figure this out, like there it might be this thing, it might be this thing, but like it's it's okay. And I I get very anxious about stuff and with best mole, like I had in- situanoma, and so like I'm like like just prone to that. And so I do get anxious about some of those medical things, and it ended up I I don't really know exactly what was happening, but you know, tested my A1C to make sure I was a diabetic. And I think there's been some times where I've I've mentioned I bruise very easily, and heidi's like, Are you sure you're not diabetic? Like, yes, I got that checked out, but thank you for turning about wheat. Um, so I appreciate her looking out for us, having that relationship to be able to talk. And I've had that with prior providers, but it's it's rare to find and definitely grateful for the compassionate person she is.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Three of the four of us have daughters, which as they're approaching that age where you start to have those awkward conversations that we touched on a little bit in the last podcast with puberty and the those changes. I suspect that some of that's gonna get gracefully included in the you should go talk to Heidi about that category.

SPEAKER_05 16:44

But I you feel more confident that I could talk with my kids how because you sharing how you are talking with your children about it. I think is first and not front, yeah, is is helpful for us to know like how to approach that because my experience with my mom was way different. And I can already tell my daughter, my oldest, is more comfortable talking about that. And I think having it out in the open is gonna be very helpful as we get a little farther in.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

No, I mean, not to it's like not to it's not that we put like shame with it, but it wasn't something that was talked about, like in our family. And it was like this under the like kind of hush hush, like behind closed doors type of conversations, and it's not something that needs to be. And so I think that's like this awesome opportunity for the young, like for our girls. I call them our girls, my girls. Um but just an awesome opportunity for for you to be able to model that to them and then to for them to model that to their kids and their friends, and so I think in general, A is a little bit more uh more open with girls like teenagers that I work with.

SPEAKER_05 17:53

I'm very thankful that they feel that comfortable because it's just what your body does.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

Right. So my husband works in the high school, not the same high school as Joey, although he would love it if she worked in his high school. He'll have teenage girls occasionally try to make him uncomfortable by saying something about their period to him. And he'll be like, guys, I am married to a gynecologist. There's literally nothing you're gonna be able to say to me right now that's gonna make me uncomfortable. Like, I have heard it all, I've probably heard it all at dinner. Go to class or go to the bathroom, whatever you need to do. But like, you're not making me uncomfortable by saying what's natural and it happens every month.

SPEAKER_05 18:32

But it's it's another like way of having that provider friendship sort of duality in the in our relationship of like, I would completely trust sending Abby, my daughter, to talk to Heidi if she wanted to, or or Jenny, or Joe, like and having those yes, the professionalism in relationship, but like having those strong women for her to if she's not maybe comfortable talking to me, knowing that there are three trusted people around me that are gonna take care of her like I would take care of her, is so that's so reassuring.

SPEAKER_03 19:05

She's only six, so we got a little ways and we're okay. For that one at least. I think I'm just hearing a theme like of normalizing conversations with younger people, whether it's your children or not. And to the shame aspect, historically, women have been taught to be ashamed of their bodies and to hold back and to not share conditions or things that are happening. And I think we're in a new era. The young girls, they are talking about it because they're seeing it everywhere in social media, but that information isn't always factual. So we have to be having the conversations. That's why podcasts like this are really important to hear it from experts or for you to share the information that you've read that's factual. Let's see. Do we want to talk about something that you all are experiencing right now? Perimenopause. I don't know how how deep are you into this?

SPEAKER_05 19:53

There's some great hairs. Let's as far as we've gotten. I'm the youngest of the group. That's why she's pointing all the way. Not by a lot, just a little bit. So, but I think like there is that is an unknown phase, right? That's probably maybe we'll call it the last frontier of some of that silence that's been accepted for women's health. And so, like, I love that this podcast is shining a light on that stage because, and I know it's not the only focus, but I think that's it's huge because there's a lot of things that my friends are experiencing that I'm like, I would never have known that that was a thing. I'm watching for some of those symptoms and those signs. And we've talked about in clinic, like, well, maybe this particular birth control might be a better option for you because as you get closer to perimenopause, it gives it gives us some more treatment options should we need them. And so I think like there's certainly things that I'm thinking about, maybe not all the way into that phase, but definitely thinking about and know more about and watching for because of our relationship. So I've been on a fitness journey since the summer. So I turned 40 last summer and I was looking at my school ID and I'm like, I don't, I don't recognize this person. And I have told my friends before that, like, I want to be able to do whatever I want with my body. Like, you know, like can my body handle doing that? And I did feel like I was getting to the point where I couldn't recognize who I was. And so I wanted to feel better. Like I was getting winded more easily when we were skiing. And so I ended up getting hooked up with a fitness coach online and very focused on like their target audience was middle-aged women, which I was like, all right, sign me up.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

Are we middle-aged?

SPEAKER_00 21:32

I think so. So the average life expectancy is 86. So my daughter informed me that is 45 years from now for me. So like I'm 41. Yeah, thank you. You know it was dizzy. You knew it was Izzy. Um so here we are, middle, middle aged. Dang it.

SPEAKER_02 21:49

So I'm showing okay.

SPEAKER_05 21:51

It was uh it was a definitely a different lifestyle change. So I'm strength training four days a week and walking. So like cardio, like what I'm learning. I'm learning about like fluctuations in my body, like that that naturally happens. We were just talking about cycles on the way up, about how the luteal phase, like, I know there's an influencer I follow. She doesn't weigh herself at all in the luteal phase because your body and like learning that, like I didn't know that about my body. And so I feel much stronger. And I've lost around 20 to 25 pounds since I started. And all along the way, these women were cheering me on. Protein is our friend, and we need to eat to fuel our body. And so as we've gone through struggles with Jenny, I'm like encouraging her, like, drink the water. Like, make sure you're eating. Are you eating enough? Like, we need to fuel our body. So I want to set myself up to be able to feel great much farther into the future. And I know that perimenopause and menopause is the time that our bodies change a lot. And so I feel like I'm gonna be setting myself up to be in a better place when more of those changes happen. I do feel like I'm on the flavor spot. Yeah, but not experiencing all of the things. But um, so it's definitely like something that I wanted to do for myself and for my kids and actually have an appointment for new blood work to see if my, you know, cholesterol and like blood pressure have improved because I think that's something that we don't as women like are as mindful about too. It was like making sure we're getting those, like we know Mamma Ram, we know, like going for our yearly visit, but it's something that we need to be thinking about too, right? Yeah, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

It's something I so appreciate about your approach to the journey that you've been on because you take it's you take this like clinical approach to your health. And for me, it's so tied to emotions. Like I can't get out of those emotions when you're like, no, you you just you literally need protein in order to feel your body. And I'm just thinking about like how I'm gonna feel in my pants or what my brain's gonna tell me when I look in the mirror. And you know, and I've dealt with, I mean, I've had I struggled with anorexia when I was in high school and college and the fluctuations of you know, becoming an adult and a full-time job and then having children and and you know, and all of that. It's just it's always been, I've never been able to shed some of those feelings that I've had about my body. And so entering, like I am the oldest of the group, but barely. Thank you. Thank you. Um, but I like I think I'm solidly into getting into or into perimenopause. I don't know, there's no like, I really wish it was like a very black and white answer to like you are in it and you are gonna experience this, and this is when you'll be done. You're in it. So it's been it's been so it's just been really, it's just been like Joey's approach of like, you know, I remember one thing you said about like about like body positivity, and it's just I think it was body neutrality. And like that's like a goal of mine is to just not think about my body so much. Like it's the first thing I think about when I wake up and it's the last thing I think about when I go to bed. And I just think about all I could do with that brain space if I wasn't thinking about it. And and you know, and like you think about when you're in when you're pregnant, like you have zero control for nine months over what's going to happen. And that's what I feel like this phase of my life is. Like I don't like my what I did before isn't working, but I'm trying isn't working. It's like completely out of my control. And you know, I I remember I was talking to Heidi about like, you know, I'd really love to know, like, I'd really love to know like what's going on. And like maybe we just need to run some tests and like the numbers will tell us something. And she's like, yeah, no, okay, we can we can do that. And you know, and talking about like hormone levels and all these things because it's like I so desperately want to be able to say, well, I heard somebody say this, and yes, that's what I have, because then it'll make sense. I had experienced like some, well, I like so bra size, 32A, have been normally like I remember them getting much larger during pregnancy and breastfeeding, all that, but I just was very comfortable with my little chest. And in the last two months, I've gone from a 32A to a 32D, like to the point where like the woman at the bra at the at the at the store had a coworker come in to double check the measurements because there was no way. Like, what in the world? And you know, and so I called Heidi was the first person I called, and I was like, I don't know, like what is happening? What is happening? She's like, Well, you know how you wanted to run those test tests. I think we should do that now. And I was like, oh gosh, you know, and then like not being able to sleep and like sweating through my pajamas and all that. I'm just like, this is just it's just um, it's so it's just so hard to go through these phases and to be so it's all so tied to my emotions and to have Joey's experience and to for her to to make it about the numbers and to make it less emotional, and then to have Heidi, who is who is the friend in who cares and knows more about what's going on. And it's just yeah, it's a very interesting time for a woman. And I think there's no way you can get through it without the support of others and friends.

SPEAKER_03 27:00

I love that. When Dr. Gaston and I were brainstorming a little bit beforehand, we talked about the aspect of having a community or a support system, a tribe, if you will, and you guys are bringing it to the table naturally. So it's really beautiful to see, and I can see all of how much you guys care about each other. Dr. Gaston, how do you explain the brow size?

SPEAKER_00 27:20

Yeah, could you? I think we were just celebrating when she first called me. I think that's what the response she wanted was like, yay, Jenny!

SPEAKER_02 27:28

Or or he being Jen's? Yes, like I think that's her husband. No, no.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

Jens being her husband. Yes. No, so you know, how do we explain it? Well, one, we make sure that the labs that we can modify or control are okay and within the appropriate range. And not necessarily a full hormonal panel, because if you've heard me talk about that before, there's not a lot of merit in checking an estrogen level for a perimenopausal woman who's experiencing symptoms of estrogen withdrawal. If you're experiencing symptoms, we address the symptoms. If your estrogen level is gonna tell me whether you're pre-menopausal or post-menopausal, and that's about all it's gonna tell me. So there's there's maybe not that as the lab, but there is some potential benefit to lab. And then when we have bra or breast changes, potentially imaging is also appropriate. And and Jenny's in the right age group for an annual mammogram. So her insurance is gonna cover it from a screening perspective. And then if that's all normal, then we just accept change. And that's the hard part, and that's what we talked to Heidi about.

SPEAKER_03 28:36

Well, that was probably we talk a lot about like surprising symptoms of something, and that was probably a shock.

SPEAKER_05 28:42

Yeah, and now Google didn't yes, Google didn't cover that, so it's just yeah, I think it's just well, I think going back to like what you talked about with fragrances, like you you got used to your body this way, and then suddenly now it's changing again. What? Like I was just feeling comfortable.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Yeah, or uncomfortable, but it's just like this idea that something's out of your control, yeah. And it just and it is what it is, and it's going to happen. And you can do what you can do everything you're in your power to set yourself up for success, but ultimately it's out of your control.

SPEAKER_05 29:15

I don't think I did anything to gain 15 more pounds like in two years, you know, like but it was by body changing and was dealing with things that a different way than what had happened before. Well, congratulations on your weight loss so far. That's amazing. It's not amazing. Yes, it's like I can tell it's a definitely a lifestyle change at this point, you know. Like you're changing habits because it can't, I can't stop, you know, like it has to be consistent. But it's been great to have like whenever I've had the non-scale victories, like texting the the group chat and having my friends like, yes, like that's great. So celebrating those little wins, like we are also very supportive when there's downers too. So those coming up too, too. Yeah, but I love the way you've approached it, Joey. I feel like you have approached it from just a habit standpoint and like from a really healthy place because there's a lot of ways to look at that school ID and try to get to a different result. And I I just respect the heck out of what you have done in approaching that. The conversation's coming up again, and I haven't had a chance to talk to Eddie about this, but uh my daughter is experiencing some higher, she had a higher AE1C level and some higher trigosclerates. And so having to have conversations about her diet and wanting to make sure that I'm talking about it in a way that's from a healthy perspective and not like we're just we just want you to lose weight. Like, and so I've talked about like for myself, I said you've seen like I haven't cut out like treats, like mommy still has fast food sometimes, you know. Like we're not we're not trying to take away anything, we're just trying to balance out the choices that we're making. And so we talked about some of the choices that I'm making with my food and that like okay, how could you make some of those choices from your daily schedule? And I it's kind of going back to what you said, Jen, like making sure like I I don't want to pass that on to them or post like that thinking habit because I know that that can set her up for a lifetime of that negative thinking. And so trying to be mindful about how I'm having that conversation and stressing that it's about her health and making sure that she won't have other issues in the future. That's gonna set you up to to be healthy in the future so you don't have to deal with those problems.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

What perfect timing that our Girl Scout meeting on Sunday is about health and activity. So our Girl Scouts um did a phenomenal job with their annual Girl Scout cookie fundraiser this year. So we have a fair amount of a budget for our meetings moving forward. So we're going to the trampoline park for a meeting, and then our focus from a topic perspective is going to be health and wellness. I'm leading that group as yeah, I'm ending that discussion. And our our group is kindergarten through sixth grade. So obviously, a pretty wide group of as far as age range and what their understanding or takeaway from that kind of discussion might be. It's important to start having that conversation when they're making those decisions about what's my after school snack gonna be, and you know how many, how many cookies can I eat after I've had two bites of my supper, but still hungry and want to have those cookies afterwards?

SPEAKER_05 32:32

And Beth, you're very knowledgeable about that. I love the way that you talk to your kids about their food choices. Like, do you have a protein? Do you have a car? Do you eat your fruits and vegetables? And then when they ask about treats, like you put it back on them and say, Well, how how do you feel like you've like what type of food have you eaten today? This like this having eaten balance today. Like, let's kind of talk about that. Let's kind of review what we have had and where where does that put you? And and then it's usually like maybe we could sneak another fruit in and then we could have that tree. I'd say that to myself too, though. Like, you know, like why is it that we are like so mindful about what our kids why you're racks? And then like my go-to is like, well, they can have that, but I think I'm gonna have this. So change you that mindset too.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

So I shared with the group that I purchased kale for the first time ever. For the first time ever, um, because Jenny introduced me to a cookbook, and I bought that cookbook because it looked delightful. And the first recipe we made from the cookbook was a soup that had kale in it. And so I sent the group a picture and a text and said, I bought kale for the first time ever. I think I'm truly an adult now. And Beth said, and you call yourself a doctor.

SPEAKER_04 33:53

That's exactly what I stuff.

SPEAKER_05 33:56

In all in all of the loving way. That was totally teasing her. She is absolutely a doctor. She has the degree or she did the school.

SPEAKER_03 34:08

Kale is probably of in soup of a safe first step for an assolid.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

I'm I'm questioning what to do with the rest of the large bag that's in the refrigerator. It might end up in the compost eventually, but I'm gonna make a valiant effort to use it in some other method. You could yeah, definitely. Um roast it. Make kill chips.

SPEAKER_04 34:29

I I have no idea.

SPEAKER_03 34:30

So you all are a great support system to one another. What kind of conversations are you having at home with your spouses around healthcare decisions and what are you encouraging them to do?

SPEAKER_05 34:40

There's lots of anxiety running through our group. Yeah. Yeah. From a mental health. What percentage of us are on medication? Jens and I are. Yeah, and my husband, I am. But we uh Keith and I both have been using talk therapy to manage through different challenges. So that that's been uh definitely a point of conversation because I think it hit all of us at different points. Yeah. Um, mine, I I think I had und undiagnosed um postpartum anxiety, and not because of my provider not not being there for me, but I didn't with the first child, I didn't know it, I was in it until after like it it kind of like I made it through, and I was like, wow, like I was really focused on climate change, and how could I have brought this child into this world with climate change and I got fixated? And so the next time that it came around, I I told my provider, like, I think this happened. And so she was very supportive and like, okay, if anything happens, well, I had a 2019 baby in October. So like COVID happened, like my mom is way anxious, and so she was already like launching this, and like that became the fixation. And shortly after I was on medication and then did the talk therapy. Like, so like that was really hard. And my husband went through it like a year later and was starting to have panic attacks, and we thought that he was having stomach issues, and like, but it was actually anxiety, and yeah, we blocked through um those experiences, but it's been good to be able to share and to like point out to each other, like, hey, I don't think that that is like normal, and it it takes a really deep relationship to be able to say that to somebody, like because you have to be very careful, and it takes knowing somebody to know like what is a like what is a healthy thought pattern and what isn't. And so I think that's been helpful that each of our experiences like has been thoughtful to let each other know what's so date and not be okay, and that medication is okay, and that it can help us normalize and uh be more even. Yeah. So my husband is uncovering some of his anxiety triggers right now, and honestly, one of his most trusted people around that is Joey, that he is absolutely listening to her feedback around that. And I think that's amazing, and I'm really really grateful that she's yeah, I'm really grateful that she's willing to speak up and talk to him about that, and like we'll see where the journey takes him. But like the like you said, there's a deep trust that you've built there to there's not very many people that can call him on that and and not have an adverse reaction or get past the funny part of being able to call him on it.

SPEAKER_01 37:31

I've been on I've been in therapy and on some form of medication since I was probably 18, and it's ebbed and flowed, and what's worked and what hasn't worked through like pregnancies and things like that. And then Jens has been on as well, probably since early in our marriage, and it's so it's something that we talk about quite a bit, and he is much calmer generally than I am, and most people in our lives. And so he so it's hard to see in him, but he can easily see in me. And he's like, you know, it's like whether I needed to like take a moment or just check in with myself. And so it's something that like mental health is a huge conversation in our household and one that we're trying to be more um transparent about with our boys, you know, emotions in general and how people are feeling and thinking, and just because that wasn't a conversation that he had growing up, and it wasn't one that we talked about either in my house. So it's just something that we try really hard to just to be checking in with everybody and to make sure that the like we want our boys to know that that they should hopefully that they feel comfortable to like express their emotions and talk through them and and to work through that as a family.

SPEAKER_00 38:39

I have a completely unrelated recent health conversation with my husband. So he went home from work last week on Wednesday, just felt had had a stressful week leading up to that, and then on Wednesday, just was like, I don't know if I'm just stressed out and not feeling great because of the of being stressed out or what, but I just don't feel good and I think I'm getting the fever, and so he went home and ended up sleeping most of the day, and then the next day I was on call, so I was gone from the house for the whole day, and he texted me and said, I took some medicine and a bath, and my temperature went down from 105.8 to 105. And I was like, Well, take more medicine, thinking that he has some viral infection and you know, like, oh, it must be COVID or influenza or whatever, like it'll write its course and it'll be fine. And then he felt quite a bit better on Saturday, and so participated in this fundraiser that we did and was out and about with some teenagers taking care of some pre-Easter activities, and then on Easter morning, he felt like garbage again and couldn't hardly get out of bed and had that fever back in the 102 range. And so Monday I go to work and and pretty much I've just like take your medicine, drink some water, sleep if you need to sleep. But but stay away from the rest of us so we don't get this virus that you have. And then on Monday I'm back at work, and he's like, Well, I can't get into my well-at-work clinic until tomorrow, but I kind of have this headache and this sore throat, and I don't know if I should get checked out or not. And I said, Well, just come on over to OMC. We have acute care here. You may as well just get a strep test so we know that it's not that, and you can just ride the wave with this spiral infection. So we came. Guess what? He had strep throat. Oh no. So um, you know, uh there are there are many potential benefits to having a healthcare provider in your family, but then the other side of the coin is that sometimes if you're not dying, you're fine. And he kind of experienced that this week. Well, I from a teacher perspective, that's also true.

SPEAKER_05 41:02

Like our rule is like if you're not throwing up or don't have a fever, you have to go to school.

SPEAKER_01 41:07

Yeah, that's our real tool. I'm okay. So I wondered if how much the uh because our husbands are all friends, like if they ever talk about this stuff.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

Well, I don't know, but we went on a we went on a weekend to a book conference, and I I joked with some patients around that time that, you know, in your 20s and 30s, you go on like bachelorette parties, and then in your late 30s and early 40s, you go to book conferences. But it was romance. It was a romance genre and it was very fun, but it was still a book conference, and it wasn't like Vegas or Nashville. I mean, it was in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. We could drink there. But while we were there, we kind of just naturally shared the story of how we got engaged and how we met our husbands, and we happened to talk to one of the husbands as we were leaving the restaurant, and they had all gotten together that night, and that wasn't necessarily pre-planned. They had just, you know, all felt lonely without their ladies home and needed someone to help them with their child care. So collectively, all the kids took care of themselves and the guys did whatever the guys did. But they shared the same stories with each other, and it was so interesting because it was like we we have been friends for a long time, and that hasn't been a conversation that's ever come up, and then all of a sudden on the same night, that's so so I think that they probably aren't quite as transparent in their in their feelings about lots of things, but I I hope that they're having some of these conversations because they are they should be right.

SPEAKER_03 42:43

So, Dr.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

Gaston, you kind of blew off your husband with his illness, but he thanked me for taking care of him, but then he also let me know after the diagnosis that there are several famous people in history who died of strep throat.

SPEAKER_01 42:57

So um course he did.

SPEAKER_03 43:02

The history bus comes out. Glad to hear he's okay though. Yeah, yeah. We're on the mend. Let's see, let's transition a little bit. What do you wish someone had told you about the stage of life?

SPEAKER_05 43:15

I don't know if I wish they'd have told me, but something that surprises me most is how critical my found family is, which is sitting around me right now, right? And like my family lives fairly close by, but still a couple hours away. And like I just can't imagine life without these people around me. Like it would be so different. And I don't know, I and I'm looking back on my parents had something similar because they were far away from home, far away from their families. And I think like, God, there's I don't know how I get through without these guys. And I don't know that it just surprises me, I think, how critical of a component to my happiness, to my health, to Getting it done, honestly. Like Jenny watches the kids, or Joey takes me to get my rental car because I'm traveling, or whatever the just the mundane thing is. Like, how do you make sure I'm healthy?

SPEAKER_00 44:13

Like that's not mundane.

SPEAKER_05 44:16

Not mundane. Yeah. Agreed. But I think I don't that surprised me. For me, my start to teaching, like I and Jenny walked through this with me. I started off in Iowa. I was tea I taught in um high school in Iowa for two years, and then started dating my husband, and we got engaged and then married, and then I moved to Albert Lee, and I thought, you know what? I'm this is great. Like, this is exactly where I needed to be. You know, like I have we bought a house, I got married, like working at the school that I'm like in the town that I'm living. And this was 2008 recession time, and school districts were cutting positions, and I got cut. In my mind, I internalized I must be a bad teacher. And there was other reasons, like it was a bad experience, but I just thought, like, how how can I keep doing this? And then I I found another job actually at Heidi's alma mater.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

And then class of 2003, 49 students drawn.

SPEAKER_05 45:13

They're a lot less when I was there. Yeah. Um, ended up getting cut there too. And so it was two years ago. Me as a math teacher. And I when I had gone to school, I'm like, math teachers are always needed, like, there will always be a job, which was somewhat true, but I didn't anticipate going through that right away. And I remember talking with you, Jenny, I just had to let it go and like put my best self out there, and things will happen how they should happen. And gosh, if I could have told myself like on the end of it, it was way worth being there. Sorry, Sean. But I f I found my place, and like I don't know if that would have happened if those struggles wouldn't have occurred. And I don't know if I'm speaking for you on this, but I do fit see that with you transitioning. I remember you being so nervous about quitting your job at Mayo and like seeing the trajectory that like that has taken you has been so cool to watch. Yeah, even though it was hard.

SPEAKER_01 46:13

It was very hard. I would say like the ability to trust yourself and believe in yourself and to have that be foundational and not circumstantial or based on any one thing that you do, or any one thing that you have, or any one thing that you're involved in, is something that I wish I had understood that I didn't have and how intrinsical it would be to all of these different phases of life. And like the the women around me that I are my dearest, dearest friends are, I think are the strongest women I've ever met and the most confident and the smartest and the most beautiful and the kindest. And like it's just they have that so strongly within them. And I think I um am so thankful to be surrounded by those examples. And it's like if I could have just told myself and or like instilled some of the that that I have now into me as I was younger. It's like I wonder just if some of the struggles and some of the changes and some of the feelings wouldn't have been quite as detrimental as they had been. But that just that trust in trust in yourself that's huge. And it's like, you know, and I think about like you know, like the conversations that you're having with Signey and how the girls are all getting older, and it's like that's what I like am so fearful, and it's like that's what I want for them because it's you know, this that trust in yourself is so important, and it just eases the way.

SPEAKER_05 47:45

It's so hard. Like I see it from like that high school like perspective, like the peer pressure and like the the culture and like the and so when she makes comments like, well, I can't wear that because this kid said this comment, like you wear what you want, like it doesn't matter, like yeah, as long as the people that you know love you, love you, and they believe in you, like yeah, it doesn't matter. And I I have those conversations with some high school girls too. Like this is just a blip, like you be you, you make your own decisions, you make your own choices because this is only gonna last just a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 48:24

Oh, I don't matter. I remember my grandma was telling my grandma would always tell me that like high school were going to be the best years of your life, and I was like, Oh god, I hope not. I really hope not. And yeah, I mean, I thought I was getting off easy by not having girls, and but my oldest is midi me, and and it's so hard to send him out into the world and to see all what's like circulating in his brain, and he's so smart and so stupid and so stubborn and just so me, and it's just very, it's just very interesting. Oh, it's so hard having your heart like walk around outside of your body.

SPEAKER_00 49:04

You know, I think the part about this stage of life that I've seen for myself and my husband, and maybe not within you guys quite as much, but I was a goal-oriented person for a really long time, and goals have achievable ends to them, and and as you're growing up, you have this like when I grow up, I want to be, and and you work towards becoming a doctor, and you work towards becoming a wife, and you work towards becoming a mom. And I have done all of those things. I have become those things, and so this stage of your of life, this middle, middle, I I arguably I told my mom back when I was uh probably 20 or so, I said, I'm having a quarter life crisis, and I don't even remember what that was about at that time, but it was probably stupid. But I feel like this like the midlife crisis doesn't necessarily mean that you blow a bunch of money or you buy a sports car, you get a divorce, I or have an affair. Like, I think for a lot of people who have been very goal-driven for a lot of their life and now are in this phase of life within their midlife where it's just it's a continuation of what they are doing, and and their the the goal is to be the best that they can be every day, but not necessarily achieving a new milestone. I that has been a s that has been a a new thing to grasp and welcome and and try to accept.

SPEAKER_05 50:39

Yeah, I call that I'm at sometimes I I'm at war with my ambition and like really soul searching for what is it that I want? Is it that next promotion? Um, or is it actually a more lovely balance between what I'm doing in my career and what I'm doing at home and what I'm doing as a volunteer and as a friend and all the other roles that we play? And that that's been a lot of what I focused on in therapy, has been like that war with my ambition. Because am I good enough if I'm not achieving that next thing? Am I am I am I still okay if somebody else has gotten to that milestone before me? Like, does that what does that say about me? And I think like really working through some of that around like, you know what, that that isn't that doesn't have to be my dream, and that's okay. And my dream actually looks like this. And how do I navigate towards that and set some of that ambition aside to be able to live that fuller life that I that I actually want? And it goes back to like what you were saying, Joyba, like live, live you, like, and it's okay to have your own path and to stay in that lane and strive for that. And sometimes that means you're stepping sideways in your career, you're maybe even stepping back, or you're learning a new skill, or like it can look really different than just that, like you were talking about, how you that goal-driven path. And so that's been a journey for me too.

SPEAKER_01 52:14

I was traveling for one of my clients and I met some of the new some of the new hires, and the newest one is 22 years old. And I we were bowling at the time for team building. And I was thinking, I'm like, oh my god, like I could have given birth to you, and I would not have been a teen mom. And I'm and then it for and it it was a little bit of a moment because I was like, holy crap, you know, and I'm thinking to myself, like, okay, I'm doing this freelance thing and I'm a contractor, and I come in and I've, you know, I'm just kind of feeling like I'm sort of getting my feet under myself, but like, what am I gonna do? Because they're just gonna keep getting younger and I'm gonna keep getting older and that linear path that you know we're told that we need to, or I was I thought I needed to follow. Like, you know, you you kind of go in and you become a director and a VP and all this stuff. Like I my path has diverged from that so much. And it was just to literally today in therapy where it's like, well, crap, like I I don't need to panic about this because like 10 years ago, if you told me I was doing what I'm doing today, I would have laughed at you. And like, who knows what'll happen, you know? And so it's just it's like letting go of what we think should happen, or and it's let you know, and just letting just letting go of those shoulds in a way, but it's hard.

SPEAKER_04 53:30

I'm glad you guys had conversations with me about why I wanted to do grad school again because like, am I just doing it because it's a goal?

SPEAKER_05 53:39

No, yeah, so yeah, I'm a very intentional. This is a second master's degree, so I got a scholarship and it's in something that I wanted to learn hard on. So and you are gonna inspire so many amazing young people to be amazing conductors. It's it's been a hard semester. Well, like so I had two grad classes, Girl Scout, cookie manager. There's a lot like there's so much to that. Can we talk about how like cookie money is like drug money? Yeah, it was thousands of dollars about drugs. Yeah, unless they're prescribed. I also help sales robotics like prescribed drugs. Well, we made it through robotics coaching. The you did. You made a family vacation. Yeah, yeah, we we uh got to experience the Disney magic. We were the last family to do that, and I feel very grateful that Heidi felt comfortable sharing all of her Disney passion with me. Like took a little bit to fully like realize how deep it is within her, but I think I've been nervous. Have we talked about Disney a little bit?

SPEAKER_02 54:44

Okay, we let your free flag fly.

SPEAKER_00 54:46

Yeah, all right. Um so actually, when Jenny and her family were at Disney a year and a half ago. No, last summer. Okay, just this last summer. Were you talking about the most magical moment of my life? No, not almost. Uh she sent me a picture of this giant crystal Epcot vol that no doubt in Germany $35,000. Okay. And three. Yeah. And she was like, Heidi, you guys need to get this. And so, you know, I was in a group text, I kind of I saw it, I acknowledged that I had seen it internally, but I didn't say anything. And then they got back from their vacation and I said, Jenny, I already have that. It's in our basement. And she's never been in my basement.

SPEAKER_02 55:29

She was like, Oh my gosh, are you a serious? I am also like the more gullible friend. Like, if you want someone to react, call me. I am here for you. I'm here for you.

SPEAKER_00 55:41

To the extent that our Zoom meetings cut her out when her.

SPEAKER_02 55:44

Yes, no, it's discrimination.

SPEAKER_01 55:47

My pitch gets so high that Zoom mutes me. I think it's not fair. Okay, but in my defense, we are in Epcot. She's huge, her whole family, huge Disney fans, this like crystalline like Epcot, and it's stunning. And it says, like, and we're looking looking at two of three.

SPEAKER_00 56:03

Two of those designed in honor of the Gaston family.

SPEAKER_01 56:05

No, but it said two of three. And so we're joking, like, oh, I bet the first one is, you know, uh the Gaston's. And then she I she had me for a little bit. Yeah, but yeah.

SPEAKER_05 56:15

Can we talk about how the Gaston's recreated all of our all of our pictures, all of our ride pictures? Because that was such a fun activity. I loved it.

SPEAKER_00 56:24

So all of the families have now gone to Disney, but none of us have gone to Disney together. So Joey was Joey's family went just a week or two before we went. Like, I think we nearly crossed paths in the airport. Yeah, yeah. Um, like one day difference where we might have crossed paths in the airport. And she had shared some ride pictures, and and Beth's trip was a little bit before that, and Jenny's trip was a little bit before that. So it wasn't necessarily like in most recent. And and one of the pictures that Joey had sent was of her family of four on the Snow White and Seven Dwarfs Mine Train, which is the a roller coaster that's relatively new in Magic Kingdom. And I was like, okay, we're gonna recreate this picture. And so we're and and we've been to Disney a number of times where we know where the pictures are in most of the rides. And so occasionally my my kids especially will like, and Sean, my husband, will like pose for it. And I'm usually kind of in my own thoughts. So I have RBF in a fair number of those pictures because I'm enjoying myself, but I'm not like actively surprised by anything that's happening. So I'm just sitting there, and then it looks like I'm having the worst day of my life when we get this ride photo. So I'm like, we're gonna recreate this ride photo. And I got to be Joey, and Joey was literally having the time of her life where her hair is streaming back, and she's got a big smile on her face. But next to her is her daughter who looks mildly terrified. And so my daughter is sitting next to me, and she holds that face for the entire ride because there are actually two photos in that ride, two photo spots. One's more of a video photo and one's a still picture. And so she holds that face the entire ride. And part of the ride, you're going through a cave, and there's there's no photo time in the cave, and she's still holding this very stoic, nearly uh terrified face. And I'm looking at her, kind of doing my like, yay, this is the best day of my life face. But I'm looking at her and I am starting to laugh so hard that I'm nearly having a moment because I'm laughing so hard about this. And so we share this as a like side-by-side picture, and then after that, everybody shares their their pictures of like recreate this picture, recreate this picture. And so we had the best, it was like a photo scavenger hunt for us in that we got to relive some of our friends' best moments, and it was the best ride photos I've ever taken.

SPEAKER_03 59:09

Well, we should probably wrap this episode, although it's been really fun to be with you guys. I told you it would be. I know you did. I didn't doubt it for a second. But this is exactly why Pelvis Party exists and why we have these conversations, whether it's family vacation rehash or having friends that guide you through difficult moments in life and conversations with your children or your biggest health concerns. A lot of people think they're alone and they're not. If you can find a group of fantastic ladies like you all, or just one friend or a trusted provider, that means something. If this episode felt familiar, helpful, or just made you feel a little less alone, hit subscribe, share it with a friend, or share it with somebody who needs to hear it, or somebody who needs a good laugh. That's how we keep building this community. Thank you all for sharing your time, your experiences, and your vulnerability. And we hope to bring you back in the future.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:09

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:10

Thanks, Britt. Thank you.