A Former Gang Member Shares How Accountability And Community Changed His Life

We sit with Marlon Whitehawk as he traces a path from childhood trauma and gangs to accountability, culture, and healing. The story is raw, grounded by Mi’kmaq community supports, and anchored by a message: there is a way out and it starts with asking for help.

• land acknowledgement and our two-eyed seeing mission
• Marlon’s early loss, foster care, and abandonment
• accidental entry into gang life and escalation
• arrest, reflection, and rejecting violence
• Pathways, elders, and cultural healing
• Diamond Bailey supports and re-entry routines
• ADHD traits, self-sabotage, and new habits
• gratitude, boundaries, and daily accountability
• goals to study psychology and support youth
• reconnecting with Soto roots and leading with care

We would appreciate it if you could listen, subscribe, engage, and share this podcast
Tune in every second Tuesday at 7 a.m. Atlantic time for a new episode

Transcript

Land Acknowledgement And Mission

Keith "Polar Bear" Gelhorn 0:01

Welcome to the Big Bears Podcast, co-hosted by Chad, Grizzly Bear Bunker, and Keith Polar Bear Galphorn. We would like to acknowledge that we are in Mi'kmaq, the ancestral and unceded territory of the Mi'kmaq people. The people of the Mi'kmaq Nation have lived on this territory for millennia, and we acknowledge them as past, present, and future caretakers of this land. Our mission is to explore the intersection of neurodiversity through a two-wide seed lens, where we share stories of struggle, resilience, writ, and growth. We would appreciate it if you could listen, subscribe, engage, and share this podcast. Now on to today's episode. Co-hosted by Chad.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

Hi, my name is Chad. Um Grizzly Bear Bunker. And the co-host of the Big Bears Podcast.

Meet Marlon Whitehawk

SPEAKER_02 1:10

The Two Wide Scene Approach to Neurodiversity. And today we have an episode with Marlon Whitehawk. How you doing, Marlon?

SPEAKER_04 1:19

I'm doing pretty good. Just gonna give a little introduction. My name is Marlon Whitehawk from Saskatchewan. So I'm gonna tell a little bit of my story, but I'm gonna do it in increments, I guess. Kind of just give you like an idea of who I am and how I came about. It's kind of a tragic one, but it is what it is. So uh

Childhood Trauma And Foster Care

SPEAKER_04 1:35

yeah, it all started, I guess, when I was like two years old. Well, I'm the youngest out of five, and when my mom had me, my dad said I wasn't his, right? So uh she ended up leaving him and uh she started dating this abusive guy. And one day, I was just a little after I turned two, my dad came over to visit, and he seen he seen I was in a body brace, and and my mom had a black guy, and he asked what happened, and she said that Ron was beating her up, and then I tried to stop him and he hit me with a broom, so I had some broken ribs. So I my dad waited for Ron to come home, and then uh he he essentially beat up Ron, beat him up pretty bad, and then left. And then when he left, Ron pretty much beat my mom up, beat her to death, and then trying to make it look like she was hanging. So I was with her for two days. My mom's mom was calling and calling. She knew something happened, so she came, seen my mom hanging and me in my crib, so called the cops, and social service came. My dad didn't take me, so I ended up in foster care. So from like two to seven, I was in multiple homes, very abusive in the 90s, you know, being a native. And uh I was about seven years old, coming home from school, and I seen the social worker. I I thought I was just going to another home, but then she asked if I was excited to be my siblings, and I didn't even know I had siblings because uh my dad's sister had taken me in. So it was a long drive, and yeah, it was pretty crazy because like with her, she didn't really care about my well-being. Like, I could take off like months on ends, and uh she she just as long as she got that check, she was okay with that. So that's like my little childhood, so it was kind of all

Sliding Into The Gang Life

SPEAKER_04 3:09

over the place. My teenage years, I got into juvie, I was getting into trouble, you know, violent, doing just doing uh no good stuff. But uh I was 17, I started dating this older woman who was about 10 years, my elder, and she was pretty abusive too. Just I guess I just kind of like had abandonment issues, so I kind of just like was used to the abuse. But after about four years of dating, I had enough and left her, and what ended up happening, how I got into like the gang lifestyle is crazy. I started fooling around with this other girl, and she had a boyfriend who was in the pen. And he called, and uh one day I answered and I I told him that his girl was like fooling around. I wasn't trying to do it on some cheeky stuff, I was just trying to keep it real with the guy. And and it turns out he was the leader of a gang called I Am, which is India Mafia, and then what ended up happening was a couple guys reached out to me, asked me for my address. This is they're in Regina, Saskatchewan. I'm in a little city, Yorkon. So I gave my address, and uh they come and pick me up, and we're like partying, it's crazy. We're partying all the way to Regina, and like the first alley we get into, like we just started like we just started fighting. It was essentially a four-on-one. So they when it was all said and done, we went to this hotel, and they were supposed to drive me back to York, and it was like the weirdest thing ever, and then they left the hotel and I didn't know the city, so I'm sitting there, it was on a Friday, and then come Saturday morning, the the woman's knocking saying that I had to check out, and then so I'm walking around the city for like two days and blisters on my feet just walking around, and I came across this house where like everyone was wearing all black, like that's what the Indian Mafia guys ran. And this was already Monday, right? So I ran up to them and I was like asking them, I said, Yo, you guys Indian Mafia? And then at first they didn't want to like say anything because they were kind of spooked that I just ran up and asked that, and I was like, I'm looking for for Dirk, which is the guy that essentially picked me up, and then they're like, Yeah, we're Indian Mafia, Dirk's on his way. So he comes and I was kind of like, yo, you were supposed to drive me back. But then I was already over it because like I had a bunch of drama going on back home, and and I was supposed to like there was a mechanic course that I was supposed to take on that Monday, that's why I wanted to go back. But once I missed it, because like I did an interview and the guy interviewed like 30 people and only accepted seven, and I killed the interview, right? So then the guy hit me with a big paragraph saying like how much of a piece of shit I was and how disappointed he was, and he should have knew better. And and that really hit me. So I was just kind of at that point, I was like, fuck it. I just started hanging with these guys, and uh yeah, it was crazy. I was just essentially became a gang member. It was so ridiculous how it happened, but anyways, I got caught up in that lifestyle, right? They're like saying I had to prove myself. So I'm like, I don't know. They got me doing all these collections and stuff by myself just to see if I was really about it. And at the point, I didn't really care like if I lived or died, I just wanted to like feel like I was useful of some sort, right? And again, it all comes back to like abandonment issues, right? You feel like you want to be a part of something, and I was just blinded by the drugs and stuff.

Violence, Envy, And Escalation

SPEAKER_04 6:00

So about a year goes by. Not even a year, about four months in running around with them. I get arrested on some some some some petty charges, and then I get out about six months later. And by then I started doing really good. Like I was selling drugs and like making a lot of money, and the people that brought me in, they started getting envious. So I started dating this chick who was a part of another gang called NSK. And yeah, she she was like, she was uh pretty crazy. She was always fighting guys and chicks, and I don't know. So I ended up hanging out with her more and this gang that I was with in Yumafia, like they they didn't like that, they were getting jealous and stuff, and I was still whatever trying to rep. But uh one day they were coming to beat her up, and I I I this is after I told them I wanted to drop that gang. They were coming to beat her up, there was four of them, so I ended up rushing to the house she was at because she was by herself, and then then again, like I got into a fight with all four of them, but uh this time they stabbed me a few times because I was like actually doing pretty pretty good, right? Holding it down, and then they stabbed me a couple times, and after that they left, they took off. And that same night I went to a spot to go grab a gun, and I was gonna like I was gonna essentially kill the guy that was like leader of them, right? And uh I got pulled over in a cab and I had uh it was just a single shot 22. Like I knew where he was at, I was just gonna go shoot him in the head and I could just didn't care, right? Anyways, it's kind of a blessing in disguise because on my way there and the cab cops they surrounded the vehicle and and then yeah, I had that gun on me, so I ended up getting a year, and by then I got pretty serious with her, so I ended up like joining the gang she was in, right? And then but they were like a lot better, they were more of a brotherhood and stuff, but it was just yeah, it was just it was crazy how it all happened. So I do a year, I get out, and

Arrest, Retaliation Plans, And Prison

SPEAKER_04 7:45

then um I'm just like back into the cut, like selling drugs, doing drugs, and it was just chaotic, you know, and everyone's just doing like the dumb, dumb shit, and then I seen people like there was just no loyalty, it's just how how like how they enticed me the first few years where everyone was a brotherhood. It wasn't like that when I got out, everyone was just for themselves, and then uh so I got caught up in that again, and you know, carrying guns for protection because like out in Regina, everyone has a gun, and and it's just you know, I didn't I didn't necessarily like carry it to go and harm someone, but I I I carried it to let them know that like you know, like I'm not to be fucked with kind of thing. So you kind of just get stuck in that that that that trait of thought and that state of mind, right? But um the thing I kind of felt like I was a vigilante because like whenever someone like these other gang members would rob like civilians, innocent people, I would go and like kind of like rob them, right? Like the the the robbers, like I would never harm a civilian. I was always like my thing. I was kind of like and I know it's like it's still shitty because I'm still doing violent, but I that's how I made peace with it. So this last bit, I was in a stolen vehicle, I got picked up with a with a semi-automatic shock, and then I got four four and a half years for that. So and I was doing a lot of drinking, like excessive drinking, like like 66 a day, and like there was a time where I tried to go a day without drinking, I had a seizure, so so when I came in, I had the DTs. And I always hated bullies, right? My whole life, because like just coming from the abuse. And then there's a lot of buddies that I met like in jail, a couple years independent, and I'm asking them how we like they're telling stories like how we first met, and

Reflection, Accountability, And Letting Go

SPEAKER_04 9:20

they said that I was drunk trying to fight them, and then I didn't like what I heard, right? Because like I essentially became the person I resented, you know, and I I just had a real deep reflection and like and I I I don't know, I just didn't want to do that anymore, you know. I just kind of like it it got it got too crazy. I like next to you know, I just spent like the last eight years in jail just over over nothing, overselling drugs and carrying guns, like you know, it was just it wasn't worth it. And I made my peace. I told the people that yo, I'm not not about this anymore. I'm just gonna do my own thing. And thankfully, like they were they were cool with it, you know. So, so I ended up going from SASPen to Spring Hill, and that's where I made it made made like the effort and really like dug into like my past because I used to bottle up a lot of stuff, right? Like about my childhood trauma. I used to always try to hold someone accountable or you know, someone responsible. But as soon as I held myself accountable, I was able to let stuff go. I convinced myself that like if I had to like open up or share my story, that I would have to relive it. But thankfully that was like far from the truth. It was it was it was such a relief because I kind of shared my story. And especially with some lifers in there, they said it was so inspirational because like a lot of them had rough upbringing too, but just didn't have like the the strength to talk about it. So that's why like I feel like if I could share my story, then maybe it'll give someone the courage to like speak their voice, right? So essentially, yeah, so like the last two years I really been reflecting and healing. I made it to a I made it to a range over there called Pathways, which is like for natives that are like healing and stuff, and it's really cool. I got to dip into the culture. It's not my culture, I'm Soto,

Culture, Pathways, And Healing Supports

SPEAKER_04 11:00

but Mi'kmaq culture is like it's really awesome. And then I feel like I got rewarded for it because when I was getting statted out, getting released from the pen, they there was this place called Diamond Bailey, which I currently live. I filled out an application and they said usually people that go there, they gotta go to a halfway house for six months, then go there. But like they did the interview, and again, like I killed the interview, like I'm really good with words and stuff, but this time like I had meaning and I meant what I said, right? And yeah, I got into Diamond Bailey, which is a healing, it's a healing center, and it's awesome. There's a lot of programs they offer, which is how I met Chad here, my brother, and you know, I've just been trying to set an example for like that that that there is another way, you know what I mean? Like no matter how caught up you may get into this lifestyle, that there's a way out, you know, like there's there's a there's a chance at sobriety and there's a chance of life after like the gangs, you know. So yeah, I don't know, like it's been quite a journey and I'm still I'm still on it, right? I'm I'm still but I I do feel a

Life After Release And Purpose

SPEAKER_04 12:05

lot of relief and a lot of sense of pride because like for the longest time I didn't love myself just because like there's a lot of things I did that I wasn't proud of, but lately I've been using positive affirmations and yeah, it's just I got a good solid group of people that support me too. So I just feel like if someone's like in this in the same boat as I am, it's just it's okay to ask for help, you know. You're not weak, you're not gonna you're not gonna get looked down on, you know. It's just gotta you gotta put that pride away because sometimes that's the biggest thing. You pride, pride holds people in places they shouldn't be. It's pride is the devil, you know? Once you take accountability though, and like accept you can't change the things that happen, but you can like make changes, you know, that's things will get better. And I know it sounds cliche, but trust me, I used to think like that too. I'm like, you know, I'd hear someone talking all this, how they did that, and I'm like, that's bullshit, but you just gotta be like willing to put in the work. And it's gonna be hard, it's not tough. There's gonna be temptations everywhere, you know. There's gonna be old acquaintances, there's gonna be everything hitting you from every angle. You just gotta be ten toes down and just remember what you're doing it for, you know? You can't you can't half heartily do, you gotta be all in, all in or not, you know. So and if you are trying to like do it for for a clout or just to get off your conditions, it'll always come back. Like you'll end up in the same place. So you have to have your whole heart into this. And yeah, if I can like give a message to anyone that's like struggling with this kind of lifestyle, it's just that there is a

ADHD, Learning, And Self-Sabotage

SPEAKER_04 13:35

way out, you know, and it's not worth it. Like it's all enticing. They use you up, you lose your freedom, you lose your life. It's just it's not even worth it at all. Because like once you're in jail, then they're just like on the next young guy that's gonna be doing everything or anything they want, right? So it's just yeah. Just make better decisions and just know that if I can do it, anyone can. And I come from like a really, really dark place, like a super dark place, but I'd rather inspire people, you know.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

Seems everybody that comes from a dark place always blooms into a beautiful butterfly. So thank you for sharing your story. Very beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 14:11

Lots of courage. Definitely a lot of strength. I come out of a dark place like that.

SPEAKER_02 14:23

So, where are your future goals?

SPEAKER_04 14:26

Right now, my future goals would be as soon as I'm done my uh parole, I want to get into post-secondary schooling. Maybe like I always wanted to get into like psychology or be like an advocate for children that are like struggling, so that's kind of like where I'm at with that. But that's gonna be like a long journey, but I'm I'm excited for that. For now, I'm just keep doing pro social things, going into these programs and just learning more about myself and you know how to set boundaries and all that stuff, healthy relationships, and but yeah, that's what I want to do. I want to be like an advocate for children.

SPEAKER_02 15:03

I think you would be a good ADHD coach as well.

SPEAKER_04 15:06

Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

So me and Marlon met at the group and we go to this men's group at the Friendship Center together. And first time meeting him was a few months back. I

Gratitude, Mindfulness, And Writing

SPEAKER_02 15:20

felt very touched by his story and I wanted to hang around him a lot more 'cause he he he had a big uh he likes to eat as much as I do, so it's a lot of fun. You have a competition who can eat the most. It's a lot of fun, brings me back to my childhood with my cousins, so yeah. It's always a great time. Well, we're doing that out of the McMac Friendship Center over in Brunswick Street. And how did you get involved with the McMac Friendship Center?

SPEAKER_04 15:51

Well, through Diamond Bailey, right? They they're essentially like kind of they're tied together. They do a lot of like programs together. But like how I even heard of Diamond Bailey was crazy. I was I was in in Pathways Independent, I was a cleaner at the elder's office, and then I overheard this other elder, Doreen, talking about pat talking about Diamond Bailey, and I asked I asked like uh if I if I could uh apply or get an application for that. And and then yeah, she got me an application, but she's she's got some real good connections because she vouched for me, and it's like the whole the whole community vouched for me, you know. So I gotta give a shout out to uh Doreen Knock, which is she's an elder at uh at uh Spring Hill, and she's she's awesome.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

That's great. It's always good to have great people in your in your corner. You ever think about going to a sweat lodge?

SPEAKER_04 16:43

Yeah, actually, I talked to Les and he's gonna do one this weekend. But he like I said, like, because I'm soto, so my culture, we don't sweat with women, like they have their separate sweats, women sweat alone, men sweat alone. So I I said, next sweat you have, and whenever it's all men's, I'll be there. And he said he's having one this weekend, so I want to do that,

Lived Experience And Helping Youth

SPEAKER_04 17:00

you know.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

Right off. We'll refer to him as our mentor. But yes. Yeah. Well, anything else you want to share with us?

SPEAKER_04 17:13

Honestly, just you know, life is a journey, but it's all what you make of it, you know. It's you essentially you get you get what you put in, right? So and some days are tough, but there's always a an another day, you know what I mean? Like, you just gotta take it day by day. And not not not to overstimulate or overwhelm yourself. Just do it at your own pace, you know. If you see someone doing all these other things, then that's that's cool. That's them, you know. Just do it at your own comfortable pace because when I first before I got out, I had major anxiety. I was like, I don't even know my way around the city. How am I gonna like keep up with these programs? But then, you know, people at Diamond Bailey are awesome, like they're very supportive. And they the one guy, Dan, gave me a ride on the bus, showed me all the bus routes, and after that I was on my own, you know, it was pretty good. So nice.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

When did you first find out that you had ADHD?

SPEAKER_04 18:12

Probably just when I got out, because I've had people I've had people say that I must be ADHD, but then when I got out, I actually

Reconnecting With Soto Roots

SPEAKER_04 18:20

like researched the symptoms. I'm actually seeing a physician December 2nd, so you know, because it's crazy because like I gotta be busy doing stuff all the time, and if I'm not, I'm lay laying around just giving myself anxiety because I'm not doing anything, you know, and it's just I procrastinate a lot. But but I do get it done though in the end, you know?

SPEAKER_02 18:44

It's best to have a pattern.

SPEAKER_04 18:45

Yeah. It's probably gonna be crazy to see me when I'm, you know, diagnosed, get the proper medication, I'll be like proper posture and yeah, and be a different man.

SPEAKER_02 18:56

Yeah. But it'll be good.

SPEAKER_03 18:58

Gonna have more focus, sharp eye like a hawk. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:13

Yeah, what what was the group homes like for you?

SPEAKER_04 19:17

Uh it was I was never really in a group home. I was like in my in foster care, like all these different white homes, and then I was in with my auntie, and then from there I was in Juvie pretty much, right? Uh from Juvie from 12 to 17, so so I was just, you know. But to be honest, Juvie kind of like helped me because I got educated in there. That's where I was doing my school, and I I learned like I learned a lot about psychology and like you know, thinking for a change and all this stuff. But I was a very quiet guy, right? I just wouldn't say much. I was very observant, and a lot of people just thought I was uh thought I was a little slower, but it's just what I wanted them to think, you know. So how'd I do in school? Yeah, I did good. I was a straight A student. Ended up happening though was like uh when I was with that that that ex I told you about when I was 17. I was I had to go write my finals and she didn't want me to go write it. She thought I was out trying to cheat, so I didn't do my finals, so I didn't graduate then, so I had to wait years later to get my GED, right?

Goals, Legacy, And Closing

SPEAKER_04 20:15

Which I aced, but yeah, I was I was a straight A student. I actually enjoyed school. That's when I was like really in the zone because uh they said I had like pretty good memory and stuff, right? Like they did a test on me back when I was like 15, and I was like pretty close to photographic memory, right? So but I think it all comes down to the childhood trauma, right? Like, because I have a very vivid memory of like a lot of stuff.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

Well, don't do this, don't touch that, why do things this way, that way, like constantly get in trouble, like 200,000 more times than neurotypicals. Yeah. So if you hear that over and over and over, this how showy you are, what do you expect's good?

SPEAKER_04 21:10

Right, yeah, that that's how like I was. I would always uh whenever I was younger and I would be doing good, I'd be like, Whoa, I'm doing good, I I don't deserve this, so I'll self-sabotage, right? At any any way, you know, I'd self-sabotage. And the crazy thing was I was aware of it, but I would just like play it off, like, oh, you know, and uh excuse me. And back then, like when uh I was like wanting to change, but I wasn't like fullheartedly in it, so like like taking all those courses with when I was a youth taught me how to manipulate the system, so I'd kind of like my POs, I would kind of just tell them what they want to hear. But it's different now, like I'm totally transparent, like I tell my POs everything, and maybe a little too much sometimes. But it's uh yeah, it's it's it's definitely tricky, you know. But but now that I'm actually like sober, I got a clear head, and it's it's the self-awareness and mindfulness I've been working on a lot, and just being humble, you know, like humility. Every morning when I wake up before my feet touch the ground, I just say I'm grateful, you know. I'm grateful for every little thing. I'm grateful for toothbrush, toothpaste, I'm grateful for my freedom. And it just it just brings like positive energy, right? And uh I try not to focus on negative things because it's I believe in the law of attraction. When you focus on negative things, negative things will come. If you focus on positive things, positive things will come. It takes a lot though to just like understand that concept and actually apply it, you know what I mean? Like you can know what it means. You can know the meaning, but to actually apply it takes a lot of practice, you know. So I've been doing that a lot, and it's I like writing stuff down. I like you know, I like writing just kind of like about my life, little little increments or just do it in like third person, though, you know what I mean? Kind of like poetry.

SPEAKER_03 22:56

So yeah, that helps a lot. Do it.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

You could do anything or be anything without risk of failure. What would you do?

SPEAKER_04 23:17

It it would probably still be like like uh kind of like a counselor for the youth, you know, like that's where I'm really at because I've lived it, I have have lived experience. A lot of times when people are talking to counselors, they don't want to tell them the whole thing because in the back of their mind they're like, this person's just here to get paid. They don't know what you're talking about, you know. They just know from books, but like I feel like because I lived it, I can actually like they'll wholeheartedly they'll do believe me, and I can wholeheartedly give them advice and you know I can just tell them what it is, you know. Because that was my biggest thing. I always see them as like someone that just collects a paycheck. I'm like, why do I need to break down all the other stuff that I don't want to talk to, you know? Like if I'm not gonna talk to like my friends or family about this, then why should I talk to you? You're just getting paid for this, right? So, but like if someone that had lived experience can actually give like good advice and you know, let them know that they've been through it. Because I know like when I would meet someone that was like been through that, like I'm more comfortable opening up, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:14

So was there anybody else in your life in with that just got it and then finally you were like, I must not get drunk called Brum. I don't have to fake it or you know.

SPEAKER_04 24:34

Uh yeah, there's there's been there's been like there's been a guy like that, like in and his uh he's he's doing he's doing uh time in the pen too, but he's like he's on the same journey I am, he's just got a lot more time, right? And he's actually the one when I reached out to and told him I want to lead the game, he's like, good, you know, he's like you get you're getting older, you can't keep doing this, and you know, and he was part of the gang too. He was one of the so he like he really, you know, he understood and stuff, and and he just kind of coached me and and it was good, you know. But as far as like really like finding someone like that, like yeah, it wasn't until recently, right, because I was still very closed off and guarded, but then these last two years I've been opening up and and then uh it's kind of funny that you say that I was that guy for like lifers and stuff, right? Once they started telling me I inspired them, then that's when like it kind of gave me validation that like hey, you know, like my story can help someone get get a little comfort and like find their voice, right?

SPEAKER_01 25:32

Share their story Yeah, yeah, actually help somebody in a way to bring one yeah that's true.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Tell me a little bit more about your culture.

SPEAKER_04 26:01

Oh my culture uh my culture is soto, it's like uh it's a very small group of people, they're very similar to Cree. It's out out in Saskatchewan, and yeah, it it's different. Like it's it's not like how Mi'kma's are they not united, they're they're they're fighting each other, it's a war out there, there's gangs, it's native on natives, right? It's just it's really sad actually. So uh I never really like got uh get in tune with my culture. I mean, there was a point when I was in Juvian 16 doing sweats and all that, and I I was I really enjoyed it, but when I got out and I got into that relationship, I kind of just was controlled and you know, but getting back into the culture is pretty pretty pretty sick. Like I like the Mingwom people that are united, they're actually like doing stuff together, and it's very it's very inspirational, you know. I've actually reached out to a couple people back home and told them and they they didn't believe me, right? So so I hope that's another thing I can do too, right? Like I can take all this and all this knowledge and all this all these blessings and and teachings and and and apply it to people that that are like wanting to do that, wanting to find out about your culture, you know what I mean? I can I can unite the people back home. And a lot of people do respect me back home. So I just feel like if I come back like a brand new version and and and just try and better people, they they I I think they'd be on board because everyone's like in that lifestyle, they're lost and they're looking for like someone to follow, they're just looking for something, right? And they just can't, you know. So I've always kind of been like a leader, but sometimes I just get caught up in stuff where I just don't care. But but now it's like I want this more than ever, right? And it's just you know, like lost, there's nothing worse than lost time, right? So I gotta make up for all that, and I just you know, and I I just uh another thing too is like my mom, I always hear these good stories about her because she was she went to university, she was a teacher, and and then I just more than anything, I want to make her proud before before I before I leave this life, right? And I know the last few years I wasn't, but but I swear I'm going to now, you know.

SPEAKER_03 28:04

So she's deceased. Yeah. That's how I started the story. Yeah. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:16

All right. Thank you for being on our show today. Well, thank you. Thank you for having me. It's been really insightful to hear your story and your message to the world, whoever's watching. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:28

I wasn't sure how it was gonna go. I was a little nervous, but excited at the same time, you know?

SPEAKER_02 28:33

Nice.

SPEAKER_04 28:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:34

Yep. Well, thank you for being on the big bears podcast. Appreciate it. Give me some love, brother.

Keith "Polar Bear" Gelhorn 28:52

Thank you for listening to the Big Bears Podcast, a two eyed seeing approach to neurodiversity. We would appreciate it if you could listen, subscribe, engage, and share this podcast. Tune in every second Tuesday at 7 a.m. Atlantic time for a new episode.