From Closeted To Confident: C Style’s Journey Through Sobriety, ADHD, And Hip-Hop

What if the life you want is waiting on the other side of telling the truth about who you are? That’s the spark running through our conversation with C Style—rapper, gym regular, and unapologetic believer in authenticity—who opens up about coming out, quitting alcohol, losing 174 pounds, and finding a creative voice that actually sounds like her.

We start with identity: hiding, worrying about family expectations, and the jolt of relief that comes with finally choosing honesty. From there, we trace how one decision rewired the rest—sobriety cleaned the lens, mornings got lighter, and writing sessions became focused. C Style shares how her process works in real life: listen to the beat, write what you feel, edit hard, and return when your head is clear. That discipline led to a run of singles, including Chosen One and a faith-filled track called I’m Elevated, written from gratitude and grounded joy.

We also frame neurodiversity through a two-eyed seeing approach—blending Indigenous wisdom with Western tools—so ADHD shifts from “defect” to difference with serious upside. Structure, rituals, and self-compassion turn procrastination into momentum. There’s humour, too, from karaoke nerves to gym tales, and a consistent stance against filters: no fake stories, just real life—meditation, exercise, prayer, and the kind of kindness that can turn a stranger into a friend on a city sidewalk.

If you love artist origin stories, practical motivation, and the reminder that small daily choices can change everything, you’ll feel at home here. Stick around for music influences spanning Tupac, Eminem, Michael Jackson, Prince, Johnny Cash, and why community energy—flash mobs, waterfront dance breaks, and spontaneous interviews—can heal more than you’d think.

If this conversation moves you, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs courage today, and leave a quick review. Your support helps more listeners find real stories and real change.

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Transcript

Welcome, Land Acknowledgement, Mission

Keith "Polar Bear" Gelhorn 0:01

Welcome to the Big Bears Podcast, co-hosted by Chad Grizzly Bear Bunker and Keith Polar Bear Gellhorn. We would like to acknowledge that we are in Mi'kmaq, the ancestral and unceded territory of the Mi'kmaq people. The people of the Mi'kmaq Nation have lived on this territory for millennia, and we acknowledge them as past, present, and future caretakers of this land. Our mission is to explore the intersection of neurodiversity through a two-wide seeing lens, where we share stories of struggle, resilience, grit, and growth. We would appreciate it if you could listen, subscribe, engage, and share this podcast. Now on to today's episode.

SPEAKER_03 0:57

Welcome to the Big Bears Podcast. My name is Chad, Grizzly Bear Bunker.

Meet C Style And The Name

SPEAKER_03 1:03

And on today's episode, we're going to be interviewing Crystal. And she's going to be talking about her story.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Sorry, bro. We're not recording. How are you doing?

SPEAKER_03 1:11

No, we're going to record. We're recording. How are you doing? It's good, bro.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

But yes, my name is Crystal. But I thought you were interviewing as C-style.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

Well, we can interview as C style as well. Whatever you want.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Well, that's the thing. Like a girl came up to me at the bar the other night and was like, what should I call you? Like Crystal or C or and you know what I mean? Because I got the two names, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

So I was like, you can call me, you know, C. But but I want it to be like C style so everybody knows, like, I'm C style for my my music.

SPEAKER_03 1:43

Yeah, exactly. C style. What are you gonna go with?

SPEAKER_01 1:47

Uh C style.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:51

All right.

Coming Out And Self-Acceptance

SPEAKER_03 1:52

So tell us uh a struggle in your life when it was difficult and what you did to get through it.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

I have a couple struggles in my life. You know, the first I would say would probably be struggling with my sexuality. So I yeah, open up about that. Okay, okay. I w I was always like kind of like I knew I was different when I was young. You know, I was like, I was like, oh, that girl, like I'd rather hang out with girls and like, you know, I was vibing with the girls more so than the boys, and I was like feeling a little attracted to them. So but I didn't I knew it was kind of wrong. Like I didn't know how to talk to anybody about it. So I just kind of, you know, stayed in the closet for many, many, many years. And I always try to like, you know, oh, I'm gonna try out, I'm gonna have a boyfriend, or I'm gonna like, you know, just you know, just trying to see if it would ever change, but it never really did. And then, you know, I kind of met somebody and they were like, just like be yourself, you know, and yeah, and and it's good.

SPEAKER_03 2:55

It is, it is so it's good to be proud of who you are.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Absolutely. And I I I wrote a song about that. Uh I don't know when I'm gonna release it, but it's like this is who I am, and I don't give a damn.

SPEAKER_03 3:07

Exactly. Get all the rhyme in there, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Well, it kind of went with the beat, so yeah. I was like, this is good. Why not? It's for those people like you know, there's I'm sure there's other ones out there that are struggling with how to come out or be in the closet or like just you know, and it's just be yourself.

SPEAKER_03 3:24

That's right, just be yourself, it's the best way you can be in life.

Sobriety, Weight Loss, And Healing

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Absolutely. And then I had the waking, like I was always struggling with my weight, and I think that had a lot to do with drinking.

SPEAKER_02 3:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Because every time I would drink, I would just make bad decisions with food and stuff. And so finally, when I gave up the drinking, and I've drank since I was pretty much 15 until like five years ago. So most of my life I drank. And once I stopped drinking, like everything just came together. I lost the weight and I started being confident, and like life just began for me when I absolutely like took out alcohol altogether. So yeah, I've I've had many struggles, you know, smoking, vaping. But now clean as a whistle, pretty much. Sometimes I take the odd little, you know, C B D pill here and there, but yeah, nothing wrong with some C B D.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

Yeah. I typically just take edibles though. These days I don't I hardly ever smoke weed much anymore. Good. I was for a long time. I did for 10 years. Just every day, 15, 16 joints a day. I started mellowing out in the last couple years. Just trying to get it really under control so that I could make it a recreational something I can do once in a while and not just a lot of my healing journey in the last 14 months, weed allows me to break down situations in my head so I can see about what I did that day or what I should try to be different tomorrow. I started using in a meditational way instead of just using it.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

Good.

SPEAKER_03 5:04

Yeah, so that made a big difference.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Absolutely. That's what the thing is. I don't want to be like, I don't want to be dependent on something. Like wake up and I need this. Yeah. I hate that feeling that it can control you, like you can't live your life without it.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

Yeah, that's addiction.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

Uh-huh. Yeah. So like thank God I don't I don't have any addictions that because I was, man, I used to drink a lot. And you know, looking back at it, how I hurt my family and my mom and dad, and then I really made like I really regret doing that, but it's an addiction. You don't see it like until you see the outside, and like, wow, I did that.

SPEAKER_03 5:41

And so it's good reflection.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 5:46

Seems that you're on the right track these days.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

I am, you know. I really do. But meditation is big. Meditation, exercise, and no alcohol. That is what really brought me to where I am right now.

SPEAKER_03 5:59

And you would get big guns like hers. You got the big old guns.

Addiction, Reflection, And Meditation

SPEAKER_03 6:11

What was your childhood like?

SPEAKER_01 6:15

It was pretty good. My mom and dad were married for more than 50 years. I can't remember the exact date. Wow. Yeah. Like I we lived in Bedford and they both worked hard and we always were never, you know, hard up for anything. We always had great Christmases. Yeah, childhood was like really, really good. But it was just like, I think my whole thing was just struggling with like who I am. Like, yeah. I just didn't want to. I don't know if it feels sad, like it feels weird for me to say, like, I didn't want to disappoint them if I, you know, let them know that I was gay.

SPEAKER_03 6:52

Yeah, it's okay to be gay.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Yeah. And they said that. Like, it's like everybody's like, we always kind of knew, Crystal. We always kind of knew. So that would be my biggest little thing of just kind of I don't know. That was my own struggle. But growing up, like, yeah, I had a pretty decent childhood. But music was always a part of my childhood. And I was just always, it was in my head, like, oh, I'll never make a career out of it. Like, it's just like nothing will ever happen with it, right? But I always thought that I had like this, like, I loved writing songs and I was pretty decent. I remember when I was like 12 or maybe 13, and I was like, Mom, mom, like I wrote a this song, and it was like this little song. She's like, okay, okay. And yeah, so I don't know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:41

Music is always nice to hear a good positive childhood. A lot of a lot of us, I mean, there's a lot of people I've been interviewed on here so far that's had really interesting lifestyles of growing up, especially my stepmother.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 7:56

So yeah, no, it's nice, it's refreshing to see that somebody had a a good upbringing.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:01

Like that's why I like about this podcast. Anybody from any background can come on here and talk. And we can still learn something from it.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

I mean, there's always like this, you know, my mom, she'd be, you know, hard on me for certain things, you know. She was, she she was kind of because my mom just passed last January. Well, did she? Yeah, she's pretty about but like she'd be on my case. She's like, you know, of course she wasn't perfect, but she was a great mom. She, you know, she did her best. My dad was a hard worker,

Childhood, Family, And Music Roots

SPEAKER_01 8:31

and so I can't really say that I had a bad childhood. I think that's raw probably why my music is, you know, pretty positive. Because I always want to, you know, make people feel good and have a message and just just have a good outlook on life because because my mom was somewhat pretty negative.

SPEAKER_03 8:51

Oh yeah. Nice. Anything happened in your teenage life? Meaning like anything positive, but not positive.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

My teenage life.

SPEAKER_03 9:06

Any struggles you had to go through then? Or was it always just the same struggles?

SPEAKER_01 9:10

I always struggled in school.

SPEAKER_03 9:12

Yeah?

SPEAKER_01 9:12

Yeah, economics and stuff. I'm not always like definitely not the smartest person. I think I kind of probably had some kind of disability. Disability, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

ADHD.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

Oh hell yeah. Yeah, definitely. I was never diagnosed. I always said to my mom, like, you know, maybe I should get tired. She's like, no, you're fine. You're probably like, you know, it wasn't a thing back then, whatever. But yeah, school is just not my strong point. And I kind of regret it because I was always like considered the class clown. I would come in and make all the my friends laugh and just like I didn't take it serious, you know.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

Yeah. But I don't know how to take anything serious, to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 9:55

Well, for me, I I cannot be serious. No, like it's hard for me. And my dad's the same way. Like you try to have a conversation with him about something serious, and you'd be sitting there joking.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:07

Laughing, pull my finger. Right. You know, like stupid shit like that. No, I feel that.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

But I've I've definitely matured in the last little bit for sure. You know?

SPEAKER_03 10:18

Yeah, you definitely did you sound quite mature. Yeah. I thought you were 28. Yeah. I wasn't expecting you to be. I'm not gonna say.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Well, I can't hire, you know, I'm 45. Well, thank God for I got good genes, you know.

SPEAKER_03 10:35

You know, good genetics.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

I sure as I don't lack 45, but yeah, you know. No, not at all. Not at all. But yeah, here we are.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

So, what age did you get into rapping?

SPEAKER_01 10:50

Like, seriously, I started rapping like, well, in 2024

School Struggles And Undiagnosed ADHD

SPEAKER_01 10:55

is when I got these beats and I started taking serious. But all my life, like I always would write these little raps on pieces loosely for wherever I could find. I was just like, Oh, I have nothing to do. I'll just scribble a little something. And I never had beats to rap to it, it's just like in my head, like, let me write this line and match it with that line. But yeah, so I met this buddy of mine that was like, here, here's some beats for you. You know, go have some fun, like whatever happens, happens. And I was like, wow, like I'm actually writing some songs that sound decent, you know. I'm taking this serious. And then that's that's that's how it started, you know. Now I'm on to I just released my 12th song, Chosen One.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Nice, yeah. Listen to it quite a bit.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 11:36

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

Yes, and I just love it, like it's not work to me. Like I feel happy. I was just writing a song as I got here. I'm just, I was like, I just finished that one, and it's just like it's just so natural to me. And somebody told me at the gym yesterday, they're like, I listen to your song. Like, how do you get motivated? Like, what inspires you to write it to the beat like that? And I was like, I don't know. I just listen to it, and however I feel, I just start writing things, and of course I'm gonna know that doesn't sound good or that doesn't flow flow right. And then, you know, sometimes it's fast, and sometimes it can take me up to like two to three weeks. I'll come back to it if I'm not, you know, feeling it. But I I really feel like it's a gift from God, like you know, everybody has gifts and talents, and I feel like this is my gift. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:23

Your gift is your disability. See, our Marshall's way of seeing the two-eyed scene approach is that his perspective was that our uh disability is a gift, not a defect.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

Right.

SPEAKER_03 12:39

The Western perspectives would see it as a defect and give you medication. Typically last I mean, most of the times you don't need medication. You just need to find a good balance in your life, balance out your life in a spiritual way as well. Allows you to have more control over the situations and the choices you make. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 13:00

Balance is key. Balance is key. Do you want to be happy? Make yourself happy. Nobody else is gonna make you happy.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Right. And do things that give you energy and that that good feeling. Like I love going to the gym every day. I love meditating. I love writing, like these things, dancing, and these things bring me joy. Drinking, yeah, it would give me joy for that moment, for that hour or two hanging out. But later the next

Finding Rap And Releasing Songs

SPEAKER_01 13:27

day, I'm just laying there and I'm hungover and I don't feel good. And, you know, and I'm like, why? Why do I do this to myself? And now when I wake up on Sunday morning or whatever, I'm like, I feel good. I'm gonna go for a walk or I'm gonna do this. Productive things.

SPEAKER_03 13:39

Yeah, exactly. Being productive.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

I used to weigh 3, I think 43 pounds. I forget the exact number. I should know that because I remembered it before. Probably right around the much that I weigh. Right. And I was huge. And I mean, I couldn't even go to the grocery store. I was leaning on the grocery cart because my back was hurting. And, you know, I was, you know, I was just in a bad state with my whole self. And then once I gave up drinking and just going to the gym and eating properly, like it all just kind of came off. I I lost 174 pounds.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

That's a good motivational story right there.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Yes. And I feel like I could have probably died if I kept going the way I was going.

SPEAKER_03 14:21

Yeah, yeah, I guarantee I gotta lose a little bit of my gut too. No, you can't get all that.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 14:27

I'm just I don't know how it's I always fear that I'm gonna have a heart attack because it runs it runs in my family.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:33

Like my uncle Arnold, he had two heart attacks. And my uncle Steven had a heart attack. I mean the young or the like older? Around my age. Oh and up. So uh I'm just gonna you know, look at what can I do differently. And I mean, I know I know how to do differently. I know how to do a nutrition plan, I know how to work out because I did that. But it's finding motivation to do it. That's right. So I took a year and a half break off working out just because my back was killing me all the time from lifting too heavy, and my back is so damaged that a massage therapist can't even touch it. So I have to go look at a doc t through my doctor to get it uh settled. But other than that, those were my dumb choices for deciding that I wanted to take steroids and be a strong man. You know, I never really took any break after competitions. You're supposed to take a break from the gym and let your your muscles heal and stuff. I would never take

Two-Eyed Seeing: Gifts In Neurodiversity

SPEAKER_03 15:36

a break. It was right back into it and and doing more lifting and and training hard, and then all of a sudden I injure myself and and now I'm really fucked. You know, like all of a sudden now I I remember being in my head and I would be sitting there thinking I will never be able to walk a mile again without crying. That's where it was. I was so in my head all the time about and I was beating myself up for why I did what I did and why I was lifting, and I'm never gonna be able to lift again, and all these things go through your head when you're sitting there and you got nothing to do all day. Yep. Right? And you start just traumatizing yourself with all these crazy thoughts and telling yourself that you're never gonna make it. Oh yeah. You that's the last thing you ever want to do to yourself is put yourself down into a bigger hole than you're already in. No, I know. So, you know, like I I really try to make it so that these days I try to be be nice to myself. So I just recently start going back to the gym and doing Steams. So I was thinking maybe I start doing all the opposite exercises that I wouldn't do when I was in the gym. Okay. I think that's what I'm gonna start with is start doing stretching and lots of sit-ups and go to steam.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

I've never I always miss my stretching.

SPEAKER_03 17:01

Stretching sucks.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

I know because I'm like, this is a waste of time, but it is, bro. Like I am

Joy Over Numbing: Habits That Fuel Life

SPEAKER_01 17:06

not flexible. Like, I can't when I see some people at the gym stretching all this way and that way, and I'm like, whoa. And I can, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

I can't. I I I was always in the gym, like, no, I gotta show off how strong I am.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

I guess you're on that one.

SPEAKER_03 17:20

Was never, you know, oh, I should probably do this for myself. I don't have issues later on. Nope. Couldn't get past the whole fact that I could bench press 350 pounds, or couldn't get past the the the point where I'm like, oh, I could just, you know, hammer out 450 pound deadlifts and chill off, you know, make it look easy. I did, I did, I did it all. I did all those cool things. It's like I tell people my from age 30 to age, I'd say about 34 was a stage of maturing as a man with masculinity. And I was trying to prove to the world that I could be just as great as anyone else. And that I could be great for myself. I came from a mindset where I was never gonna achieve anything, I was always gonna be a failure, that I was never gonna amount to anything, that my family were always gonna be looking down on me, and that was the mindset I had. I I never believed in myself, I always disrespected myself all the time.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

Me too.

SPEAKER_03 18:29

Right? So, like it was coming from a mindset. So I find that my 30s, I'm 37 now, I find my thirties was like entering mature phase. You know, and you're starting to understand things differently and starting to see yourself differently, and you're starting to grow. Yeah, some cycles repeat, but they weren't as bad as they were previously. Oh yeah. Right? So it's just it's like another reminder what not to

Gym Injuries, Ego, And Maturing

SPEAKER_03 18:55

do. You know, what can I do that so I don't do what the what nots to do, you know? And it's just it's been a walk, a walk and a journey. So I'm very excited that my journey involves sharing people's stories. I love that. Right?

SPEAKER_01 19:11

Because everybody has a story, you know.

SPEAKER_03 19:13

They do. Yeah. Everyone has a story. It's like I tell people I want to hear a s a person that doesn't do anything with their life, goes home af after work, sits around, does nothing, goes back to work, nine to five job, that has disabilities, you know, and and doesn't think that they're gonna amount to anything in life. You know, those are good stories to tell. Because those are people living everyday lives, and there's people around the world just doing the same thing, trying to get by or get into the next paycheck, or well, tell me about that. You know? What's your life like? What do you do all day? You know? What are your future goals in your head? What do you have planned that you want to be, but you're not doing it. You know what I mean? Like, it's it's nice to share people's stories because there is always somebody that's gonna relate to it.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 20:04

Right? Yeah. So it it it is nice.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

It is. And I appreciate being on here, you know. I mean, some things I forget, like I w I didn't know what we were gonna talk about, so I didn't know what you were gonna ask me, so I was just prepared for whatever whatever you asked. I'm gonna just, you know.

SPEAKER_03 20:21

Oh yeah, for sure. So let's see here. What is your favorite influencer in your life? That's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

Music? I would say Tupac. Nice. I love Tupac, what he represented, his passion. You know, he was where the people, like, I know he struggled with his life and everything. I think that's where the anger and the you know, the aggressive, but I I I feel it, like I feel him. I like people that like I can feel, and he I could just, you know, I don't know, an MM. I like Eminem.

SPEAKER_03 20:59

I can tell you like Eminem, you like him. Oh, yeah. You just like him, you're just sitting there writing down notes like you used to.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

Yeah, like on the bus. Like that's a real thing. Like, I that's not even for the movie. Like, I'm actually writing on the bus. I'm writing everywhere. At work when I should be working, I'm thinking about lines and what you know I want to talk about. But yeah, I like people that there's that like that are passionate, you know?

unknown 21:25

Passionate.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

Yeah, I'm very passionate about my music. When anything I do, I'm passionate about my exercises. Whatever I do, I go full on. And I maybe I'm a little obsessive when I get into it. Because you know, I have to get my workout in. If I don't get it in, then I'm gonna have to get it in tomorrow or however, you know.

SPEAKER_03 21:41

Yeah, we're we're we like good structure in our life, like uh like um like a plan. Oh, yeah. Scheduled. I know I am because if I am not, I just take the whole day to do nothing and sit at home.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

Yeah, oh I love that. I did that the other day, just did not absolutely nothing, and then I feel guilty.

Stories, Everyday People, And Purpose

SPEAKER_01 22:00

I should have been dead new. I should have done that or I should have done this. But I'm like, I just took the whole day and did absolutely nothing.

SPEAKER_03 22:07

That's the disability talking. That's why you just gotta be able to learn to just be okay with not having to do nothing.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Yeah, and that's another thing. Like I'll leave things to the last minute. Like I should be, yeah, I should I I gotta get ready for the bus. You know, I'm gonna be late, and then I just dilly-dally until like that very last minute. I was like, gotta run to the bus. I don't know. Like I I procrastinate, man. I leave things to the very last minute.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

That sounds like ADHD to me. Oh yeah. We're like professional procrastinators. Oh yeah. Like free. Like I've I can leave a bag of garbage in the kitchen for two weeks before I take it out. Yeah. The wife, she'll just step over it until I do it. You know, so she didn't really say too much. I mean, she will eventually, but stupid all the cats getting in the garbage, you gotta take it out. Okay, I'll take it out. Yeah. But in my mind, it's like it really doesn't matter to me. I don't give a fuck. Like, it's not the most important thing to me in my world. Like, uh, what's important to me is getting up, pray, do stuff, you know, grade to my computer, look at what's going on with the podcast, see what else I can do with that, and then go on my game and I'll play my game for hours. I mean, once a week I clean my house, but like I get it done. Yeah, get it done on my own. That's the thing. Yeah, you still get it done. Right? A lot of people, normal people, get it done day of. Yep. Right? Me, it's I'll get it done when I'm done when I want to get there.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

But it's our you know, it's we gotta blame it on the well, it's not blaming it. It is, it's the ADHD. Like our brains don't operate like people that don't have it, you know?

SPEAKER_03 23:45

We have a special way of seeing things, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

It's like when you're born, like you're born gay. You're born left-handed. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 23:53

Like you're you can't help it with one leg longer than the other, you know, like we all have our little deficiencies or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 24:04

I I think it's great that you can come out as gay. I got a lot of family members that are gay, and I've got a lot of friends that are gay.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

A lot of and you like even as a young, like you never said you're different, like stay away, you know, don't try to

Influences: Tupac, Eminem, And Drive

SPEAKER_01 24:20

come at me or come too close. Like you were never kind of like that, you know, because there's people out there that are like, Oh, you're gay. Um you gotta yeah. Yeah. So good for you that you just accepted it.

SPEAKER_03 24:31

And oh yeah, it's like the other night I was at work and Mikey came out. I don't know if you know Mikey from Loose Cannon.

SPEAKER_02 24:38

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 24:39

He's their chef. Anyway, he comes out and he puts his knee to my butt. He's like, Give me a knee to the butt. And I was like, Oh, I thought that was your wiener. Made it really fucking awkward. Never did it again. Well, that's cool. But he's gay too, right? So yeah, I'm always teasing him, right? Just give him a little bit of a hard time, but not a bad hard time. He loves me, he loves the way that I treat people. He seen me give a a half cigarette to a homeless guy the other night, and he gave me a he gave me a pack of cigars. Oh, nice! So, yeah, and he sees me dressed as Santa Claus a couple times, give me candy too, uh, downtown Halifax. So that's awesome, man. You just create your your friendships as you go. I always I was taught that it's better to be respectful. Love and respect people is the key.

SPEAKER_01 25:32

That is, because I'm so lucky that I get to have two jobs that I get to see people every day and like joke around and laugh at them like at the gym and Nelly's. And I just love being around people. They'll tell me their story. I'll try to make them feel better, give them a little advice, they'll give me advice. And you know, it's just I've always been with all the jobs in my life, like I worked at the airport, I worked at the hospital, every job that it was always being around people. That's what I gravitate to. And now that I get to do music, I get to reach all kinds of people. Hey, I listen to your song, like it's in my car. It's like I work, uh I work out to it, and that feels so good that the you know they're listening to me every day.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

That's right. No, it's great. It's great to be that way. I know that my talent has been all my life. I've always

Structure, Procrastination, And ADHD Truths

SPEAKER_03 26:20

I've always gotten along with anybody, any circle, any race, any background. Didn't matter who you were, I knew how to fit in with you. Right. And and it's been a great privilege all my life to to have that gift, the ability to to see people as they are.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

Yeah, and it is a gift.

SPEAKER_03 26:42

You know, and as an ADHD person, that's a very special gift. Like my friend Keith, who runs a podcast with me, he told me about 14 months ago when he first met me. He said, I think there's more to you than just being a security guard. I think you could do a lot more than just that. And I didn't believe him. I really didn't. I fought with it. I didn't believe that I was supposed to be something more. Okay. Right? I didn't think I deserved it. So this year's journey allowed me to open my eyes up to see that I could be something so much more. And then we started this podcast, and then I started to understand, well, then I I could do this.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:26

You know, like I'm a person.

SPEAKER_02 27:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:29

Right? Like, and that's what he showed me. He showed me that my personality is unique because I am so fluent and so easy to talk to somebody like I know them. Yeah. I have the same. It's perfect, like, because we could sell a sock to a homeless guy. Like it's it is we could do anything with disability. And I used to use it to to get what I wanted, not what I needed.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 27:55

I used I used to use my disability and my gifts to get in and doing things that I wanted to do with women, or you know, to get things I wanted, you know, and not use it for the purpose of helping somebody else. So yeah, it's been uh quite a journey.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

No, that that just made me think of growing up where I got away with things more so than my sister did, because I had a way of saying things to my mom that I would get out of it or like sugarcoat it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:28

We're really good liars.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Yeah, we are. And I think, you know, my sister always held this like resentment, like you get away with everything, and mom likes you, like, you know what I mean? And I was just like, but it was just our gift, like, you know, don't hate the game. I mean, don't hate the play, hate the game, you know.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

But no, I don't know. Oh, that's good. It's so exciting to have another person like me around.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

Absolutely. Yeah, like when we when I came in here and we were just talking like that, it was like, I don't know, we could both open up to each other and yeah, I felt like I was being interviewed.

Realness Over Facades In Music

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Yeah, I know, and it's it was like so natural. It was sometimes when you talk to somebody and it's hard to, you know, there's yeah, and it was just flowing, man. It was just flowing. A lot of people don't want to talk.

SPEAKER_03 29:16

No, yeah. But I'll get them to talk when I'm at the bar, you know, to come out for a cigarette. Hey, how you doing? Yeah, you got a cigarette?

SPEAKER_01 29:24

Right. Yeah, let's have a cigarette. Because deep down, everybody kind of wants to talk, but they're you know, they some maybe people got hurt, and you know, now they're kind of like standoffish, and but you know, we we kind of can warm people up to us, and and then they start, you know, and then they feel better. Like, I love that that you're the same way, man, because there's not a lot of us out there like that.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

No, there's not, there's not. And we need to find more of them, make a big team.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

This summer my goal is to We're like the Care Bears. Yes, that's what I tell people. I'm a care bearer. What color? What which which color are you? I'd be blue.

SPEAKER_01 29:57

Yeah, I thought so.

unknown 29:59

Yeah, I'd be blue.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

I kind of know. I like I like the yellow and the orange one. I don't know their names, I forget.

SPEAKER_03 30:04

I only remember Braveheart. Oh, which which color was he? Blue? He was the lion. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

Now I gotta go back and look at all these bears.

SPEAKER_03 30:11

He's like the leader of the tribe, like Braveheart.

SPEAKER_01 30:15

Braveheart. Yeah. And who who was the bad, who was the bad one that they were always trying to fight against? He was the negative and the like the bad.

unknown 30:22

Oh, I can't remember.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

And then they were flying around with their cars. I don't know. Now I want to go watch Care Bears now.

SPEAKER_03 30:27

Right? I used to go home after every day after elementary school and watch that.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 30:32

And Dougley's Dragon. What is it? Dougly the Dragon.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

Oh, yeah, it sounds familiar. I don't think I got into that. I like Inspector Gadget, though.

SPEAKER_03 30:41

Yeah, Inspector Gadget, the raccoons.

SPEAKER_01 30:43

Oh yeah. Fregle Rock?

SPEAKER_03 30:46

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:47

Smurfs.

SPEAKER_01 30:48

Oh, absolutely. That's when cartoons were real cartoons. Now these ones are the Jetsons. Okay. Whoa, you're going way, way better. All right.

SPEAKER_03 30:58

Yeah, all kinds of good stuff. All kinds of good stuff. Yeah. I grew up with a family that liked the old stuff. Like my dad always took me in and watched Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show. Or Tom and Jerry.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

Every day before school, I always watch the Looney Tunes.

SPEAKER_03 31:15

Oh, yes, the Looney Tunes.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

Yes, I was obsessed with the Looney Tunes,

Community Energy, Flash Mobs, And Kindness

SPEAKER_01 31:18

Bugs, and what you know, what was his girlfriend's name? Babes?

SPEAKER_03 31:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:22

I don't know, but the Looney Tunes were my show just before school, and I'd always be late. And my and my literally, my school was behind my house in Bedford. And I'm like, oh, I gotta watch the very last end of it. Then I was like, run to school.

SPEAKER_03 31:34

After school would be like Goof Troop. Oh, yeah. You know, and Dark Ween Duck. And then Gargoyles would come on.

SPEAKER_01 31:43

I love that. Yes, I did.

SPEAKER_03 31:44

That was a dope show. Fuck I still miss it.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

Absolutely. And there was another one, and somebody was talking about it the other day. No, it's a Sabrina. Yeah. It was an old one. I was like, oh my god, I can't believe you're like talking about this right now.

SPEAKER_03 32:06

There's also a TV show like Dead Like Me.

SPEAKER_01 32:09

What's that?

SPEAKER_03 32:11

Uh girl dies and then she has to do missions and stuff with other people as a dead person.

SPEAKER_01 32:18

I think I somebody told me about that. Is that out on Netflix?

SPEAKER_03 32:21

I think so, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

Okay, Dead Like Me. I'm gonna have to check that out.

SPEAKER_03 32:24

Yeah, it's a good show. It's an old one.

unknown 32:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:28

There's all kinds of good stuff growing up. The Batman, X-Men, G.I. Joe's, Beasties, Beast Wars. Whoa. I used to watch all of that. Yeah, I can tell, bro.

SPEAKER_02 32:41

Holy.

SPEAKER_03 32:41

I was a big TV person. So you put me in front of TV, I was happy.

SPEAKER_02 32:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 32:46

Yeah. Watch all kinds of movies. In my early 90s, I'd watch on repeat fucking James Bond movies. Really, man? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

Who was your favorite James Bond? Out of all of them.

SPEAKER_03 33:00

The newer one. The one that did the blonde guy.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Oh yeah. I forget his name, but yeah, he's the best too.

SPEAKER_03 33:07

Yeah, he is really good. I mean, no one can, you know. Sean Conley was pretty awesome.

SPEAKER_01 33:14

He was the first bond, so did did Tom Cruise did he ever play? No, no, I don't think he did.

SPEAKER_03 33:21

There was another guy that did it there, and he was good too. But they used his face a lot on the video games when we're in 64.

SPEAKER_01 33:29

Oh, yes. I know exactly. I am so terrible with do you have a bad memory?

SPEAKER_03 33:34

I do sometimes. I do. It'll come to me when I'm not expecting it. Yeah. Yeah. That's one thing.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

I'm trying to make my memory I don't know. I've always had memory problems.

SPEAKER_03 33:45

I'm guessing take more fish oil is good for the brain. Okay, good to know. But I was anytime I go into a room, I'm always like, what the hell was I doing?

SPEAKER_01 33:55

Me too. You know, like where the break was I going. Yeah. And sometimes and that's my biggest

Nature, Grounding, And Giving Back

SPEAKER_01 34:00

fear is being on stage and forgetting my lyrics. Oh. Yes, bro. Because when I did my first show, I'm like, oh my God, I gotta make sure like I don't mess up my lyrics, and uh, it's always in the back of my head. So I'm like, I I always rehearse every day, every morning before work. I make sure that I go through my songs and everything.

SPEAKER_03 34:16

So because my memory is so bad. I only memorized one poem that I wrote when I was 18. I have hundreds of poems. Like I write poetry, right? Nice. The only one I could remember was it was gentle soft kisses or breathtaking wishes. But when I'm with you, my wishes come true. Okay. It was a really cheesy but corny, but it was a good one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:39

And you remembered it.

SPEAKER_03 34:40

I did, I remembered it. But every other friggin' poem I wrote, can't remember it. Did you write it down? Oh yeah, yeah. I write stuff down. Or I'll Tupac did poetry too. Or I'll do a podcast sesh where it's like 20 minutes of me talking every episode about each poem that I wrote.

SPEAKER_02 35:00

I love that.

SPEAKER_03 35:01

You know, and we'll talk about that and then see how many viewers I can get on that one. But yeah, like that's why I like podcasting. Like, honestly, you can you can talk about anything. You can't motivation, right? A lot of people like to put podcasts on while they're driving.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

While they're working out? I was like, how can you listen to a podcast while you're working out? They're like, oh, you know, it's gets me right and uh and everything. I'm like, wow, good for you. I I gotta put on music.

SPEAKER_03 35:27

Yeah, like I was just I was trying to prove that you could be super strong. And and I did. My my my biggest deadlift, raw, without any belt, without a suit, without my shoes. And I was just I had chalk in my hand, and that was it. I was in sock feet, shorts.

SPEAKER_01 35:51

Are you supposed to do it in soft feet? What made you take it?

SPEAKER_03 35:55

It's called a raw deadlift. Oh, that raw okay, raw, okay. And I did 600 pounds on the dot

Big-Stage Dreams And Live Shows

SPEAKER_03 36:00

within under six seconds, and it came up. And nobody was spotting you to make sure like they were just watching me, figure taping me, and I'm there holding that weight. I held on for at least six or seven more seconds just to look around the room and go, yeah. You know, and then I put that weight back down. Jeez. What a feeling. What gym did you go to? I used to go to the YMCA. Okay, cool. Yeah. That's awesome. I I was a good influencer, a good motivator, but I just wasn't doing very good things to myself outside of the gym. You know, so that's the downfall. But when you're in front of a camera, you don't have to show that. You can just show that you're doing great. You know, they don't see the flaws and you know, all that stuff. But my partner did. And and she was right, you know, but I didn't want to see it that way. I wanted to see it as I'm doing great. You know.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

But that's the thing. Like when I do my pictures or anything, it's always raw. There's no, I don't put filters on most of my pictures. I don't like editing because I'm just like, you know what, this happened, I'm gonna put it right on my story. And you know, people do live behind this facade. I like look at my host, and this is what I do, and that I don't know. Like, I always want to be real, my music is real, authentic. I never talk about like gang banging or anything like that because that's not my lifestyle. So I'm just talking about real stuff, and I love people that are real, you know. Like if I ever make it, and and and you know, all these posh people that are celebrities, and you know, they're these snobby type of people, I don't know. I don't really roll with them. I like I like the real people, you know. Yeah. You know, yeah, you got money, you got this and that, but like, are you happy with yourself? Are you a good person? You know?

SPEAKER_03 37:54

I can try to change my my life around every day and try to be different, better, better than I was. And that that's that's really like how my life is right now. A lot of people ask me what I've been up to. I just tell them, you know, but just staying, staying real with myself, working on myself, and interviewing people that help me. Absolutely. When I interview people, I heal because I get to share parts of my story with them, and then they share their stories with me. And then I get to heal from it because everybody's healing. Right. Right? So like a healing circle almost. Yes. This summer we plan on going downtown. I'm gonna buy a JBL speaker that hangs around my my

Halifax Scene, Connections, And Media

SPEAKER_03 38:40

chest.

SPEAKER_01 38:40

And you're gonna be playing Sea Stout.

SPEAKER_03 38:42

Well, yeah. Well, I will. I can put on any music. If I want to go around my little microphones and ask questions to people, you know, about just like two-minute videos with people about, you know, being on the spectrum or ADHD or just simple little questions. And then after that, have a dance off, man. Just about to sit there. I'm about to win that. Dancing like crazy, and people will just come in, get it, get involved.

SPEAKER_01 39:06

Well, you better let me know when that goes down because I'm gonna be signing up or wherever you are.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

I'm gonna be looking for dancers to come with me.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 39:12

People just want to. I'm a good dancer, bro. I got the moves. Dancing randomly. Last summer I took a speaker on the back of my bike, went down the waterfront when the tourists were in, and I started like jamming hard to like Rod Stewart and everything. I think we should do a flash mop.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

Yeah. You just like spark up and just bah everybody busts out in a dance.

SPEAKER_03 39:32

Yo, that'd be great. That's what I'm looking for. Okay. That's my ADHD energy, man. I don't know if you've seen the videos online where the guy has his speakers and he walks up to a big crowd and he just starts dancing right there, and then they all just start jumping in and start dancing with them, right? Oh, hell yeah. That's what I want to do, man. Like, just spread love and energy and create energy with people in the world. And that's really how you make a difference every day. It just being kind. My elder would always tell me it takes a simple acknowledgement to change a person's day.

SPEAKER_01 40:05

Yeah. Just even a smile. You hold a door for somebody. Even have a conversation with them. Right.

SPEAKER_03 40:11

Hey, how are you doing? You never know. Geez, so nice out here, isn't it? You want to go for a coffee? I don't know you, but you want a coffee? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

You know, it's like these little things, right?

SPEAKER_03 40:21

Little tiny things.

SPEAKER_01 40:22

There's so much negative. Like, I can't watch the news. I I don't want to be around any kind of negative. I know it's real life, but I just choose not to because it just brings me down, right?

SPEAKER_03 40:31

Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_01 40:32

So I just want that uplifting feeling like, hey, yeah, like you said, want to have a coffee, you want to go for a walk, something that we don't have to see what's going on in the world.

SPEAKER_03 40:40

Exactly. My favorite place, Point Pleasant Park. Yeah. For a park. And I like going to sit there and with my partner, and we'll sit down, we'll bring all kinds of peanuts and sunflower seeds and bird seed and everything. You name it, berries, fruit. And we'll we'll go in and I'll do like an offering on my way in of berries and stuff. And then I'll go to our spot, sit down, and then we'll we'll watch the the blue jays and the cardinals,

One Breakaway Moment To Be Seen

SPEAKER_03 41:10

and we'll watch the crows and the chickadees will come down and sit on our hand and take the food and I feel like a Disney princess when I'm in there. What's really amazing, man. Like it's unreal. Like when you go through that kind of experience of sitting calmly, which is really hard to do when you have ADHD. Yeah, I know. But if you can learn to do that, like man, the the connection you have with those little tiny itty bitty feet standing on your hand, and you see them there, and it gives you a little wink. You're like, holy crap, man! This is amazing, you know, and that's what kind of helped me calm down, find some groundedness, being a part of the community. Like our community is not just humans, it's it's you know, nature as well, you know, and we're all connected. And uh we're I go in, I give an offering of food to them, and I find my life is so much easier after that, because you're giving, you're giving away so much, but the creator will give back 15 times more. Amen to that. In situations you don't know that will come up. So that's the best part. It is the best part. Right? Like there's some weeks where I'm not thinking about getting a tip, and somebody will tip me two nights in a row, and I'm just like, damn, man, I guess we'll make some money. I know. You know, and then there'll be a weekend where you don't get that, but that's okay. Right. You know, it'll come back around somehow. Come around somehow, exactly. Just trying to take life easy, easy breezy. That's right. That's all we can do. That's all we can do. I was thinking. What are your future goals?

SPEAKER_01 42:56

Definitely more music. Well, that's big stage. I do want the big stage. I feel like I've always been an entertainer. I have this energy that I just want to, and something comes alive when I'm on that stage. I've been only on stage once.

Music Obsessions: MJ, Prince, And Country

SPEAKER_01 43:10

I have another upcoming show on March 7th. No, March 8th, I'm sorry, at Gus's pub again. And just like tons of people and feel their energy and give them my energy, like the big stage. Yeah, I want to be on the big stage.

SPEAKER_03 43:23

I've seen your videos of you at Gus's. Okay. I used to do a lot of partying at Gus's my early 20s.

SPEAKER_01 43:30

That was my first time there. I've never stepped foot in that place. And that place has been there for what, over 30 years or so.

SPEAKER_03 43:34

Yeah, a long time.

SPEAKER_01 43:35

Yeah. First time there.

SPEAKER_03 43:37

Yeah, we used to do a lot of metal, heavy metal there in my early twenties. There'd be bands all weekend long. They'd do these big like Hellfest comp like Hellfest concerts where fifteen bands from like you name it, from Toronto all the way down to Nova Scotia would come in. Wow. And they would play for, you know. Three days straight. You'd wake up in the morning drunk, still go and have your breakfast at Gus's pub, bacon and eggs. At Gus's pub? Yeah, it was. And then everybody would be chilling and hanging out and then getting prepared and ready for the next evening of heavy metal. I met a lot of great people doing that, you know, and a lot of them I want to interview on my podcast, you know, like Sean Peck. You know, he's from down home where I'm from, Digby, and he knows my dad really well. But he's an amazing musician. Like he's a guitar player. Nice. He was the original wizard of Halifax. Like he used to have a huge long beard right down that was this junk. Okay. You know, like and that's what kind of Well, you're getting here.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

You're getting there.

SPEAKER_03 44:43

I I it used to be bigger, my my beard, but like when I came off the roids, my my beard kind of shrunk. All the tests and the chemicals I had in my body, right? So and the stress, stress of coming off cocaine, everything else like that. It just tore away at my beard. But it's okay. I can grow another one. Sometimes, right? But yeah, like there's so many amazing artists in the city that need to be noticed. Absolutely. You know, and that's my my goal, you know. Besides just indigenous communities, I want everyone to feel like they're gonna get noticed.

unknown 45:21

You know?

SPEAKER_01 45:22

Yes, it's hard, you know. You try to get noticed, you know. However, it's hard, well, it should be easy now that we got social media and stuff, you should be able to be noticed and seen everywhere. But still, some people, you know, they say, Oh, you make music, or oh, I've never heard of your songs or anything like that, you know. But right here to have a platform that you can like say, hey, you know, I make music, check me out, and I love that. No, I really appreciate you bringing me on here and let me, you know, talk to you for a bit and it feels good.

SPEAKER_03 45:52

It's like I told Gary, I say, bring your you know, guitar or something, and you know, play something while you're on the podcast, you know. Okay people can hear your voice, hear your music, and maybe want to download your music. You know, and uh why not? It's got some really nice sound, these mics, and like it records really well over there. Okay. So like everything, like the lighting and the dimming.

SPEAKER_01 46:19

Oh, yeah. It's legit. It's like legit. Yeah, this is where it's at. I didn't know what I was gonna come into, but this is nice, man.

SPEAKER_03 46:27

Uh people come in there like, holy fuck, I'm in the real deal. Yeah, yeah, you are, man. I don't I don't fuck around. No, got it locked up in here. Yeah, we do. I'm grateful for it because honestly, my prayers a couple weeks ago with sweat was thank you, creator, for giving me this opportunity to even have a podcast to share people's stories. It's definitely a beautiful gift, you know, and I always say thank you. Oh, yeah. Because it's I wouldn't have this if it was it I wouldn't have this a year and a half ago if I didn't change my life. Uh-huh. You know, and I would I don't God knows where I would be. I'd probably be back on the pipe, or not on the pipe, but back on the fucking the coke again or or having a hard time again.

SPEAKER_01 47:18

But God is number

Karaoke Nerves, Authentic Art, And Healing

SPEAKER_01 47:20

one in my life.

SPEAKER_03 47:21

Exactly. I wake up every day and I say thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I woke up again. I'm not gonna be forever in my dream. You know, I get to wake up and try again and and just try to be nice to people and do better every day. Exactly. Uh even if it's just sitting there playing my video games, you know, which I do make time for because that's something I enjoy doing.

SPEAKER_01 47:45

Yeah, you gotta make time for things you enjoy.

SPEAKER_03 47:48

Exactly. I was thinking about doing a series just on Dragon Ball Z. Of what? Of Dragon Ball Z, just doing a series. All right. Bring in a bunch of people and interview them from the nerd world. Why not? We'll just sit here and talk about uh all the stuff from Dragon Ball Z. Dragon Ball Z, GT, Dragon Ball Super. I'm a big nerd. Because people want to hear a big nerd. So yeah. That's what people don't understand. They see me at first at the bar and they're like, geez, man, that guy's scary. The moment I talk to them, different story.

SPEAKER_02 48:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:22

And I take my hat off and I'm like, You ever see a clown before? And I take my hat off and it's all bright colors. They start laughing, you know. And it's just it's just fun, you know, it's really fun. I was up, I've always I have been on TV. Yeah, I was on TV, Skin Indigenous, season three, the last episode with Gordon Sparks. It's called Halifax. And Candy Palmera, I can't remember her last name. She was a famous comedian and actor. She was on season ten of Trello Park Boys as the Dyke. Yeah. And she was fucking awesome, man. She narrated that episode. So she narrated the episode I was on of the whole show.

SPEAKER_01 49:04

So why do you why why why sorry? I just say, why why'd you say Dyke not lesbian? Because that's what she went by on the show. Oh, oh, okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 49:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 49:14

Well, because people think like, you know, that could be a derogatory term. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:18

Dyke, and then but that that's how it is on Trella Park Boys.

SPEAKER_01 49:21

And you know what? Sadly, but I never really watched that show too much. Really? I know.

SPEAKER_03 49:26

She was funny, man. Yeah. Just knowing her background and stuff and hanging out with her a few times. She was really cool.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 49:33

She was a lawyer before all that. I went to her first show, Candy Show, is what it was called. And then she got on TV, so she was doing stuff on TV. Kind of like kind of like Tia Upshaw. Tia Upshaw's on TV, CBC, I think CBC News or whatever. Anyways. But like my goal was to get on TV too. Yeah. Wouldn't that be dope?

SPEAKER_01 49:58

Well, yeah, that I'd add

Future Releases And Self-Titled Vision

SPEAKER_01 50:00

that to the goal too.

SPEAKER_03 50:01

Exactly. Getting on TV. Well, I mean, Keith knows a lot of people from that that area. He he can get us on CBC News and everything else, but we'll take our time.

SPEAKER_01 50:12

It's all about connections, you know. And like one person can change your life. They're like, oh, I heard that song. Boom. You're on the radio. Or I heard that song and you're all around the world. Like, you know? Exactly. Just that one person is pretty much all it takes to you know to blow up. Just like that.

SPEAKER_03 50:29

Usher and uh what's his name?

SPEAKER_01 50:31

Chris Brown?

SPEAKER_03 50:32

No, Justin Timberley.

SPEAKER_01 50:34

Oh, Justin Bieber. That's right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:37

Caught him on YouTube videos.

SPEAKER_01 50:39

Uh-huh. And then boom. Boom. Overnight. Yeah. That's what I'm hoping to. That is my goal. I'm gonna who am I gonna run into? Who do who do I want to run into? Drake. Drizzy. What's up, dog? See so holler at you grow.

SPEAKER_03 50:53

Yeah, Drake will be around.

SPEAKER_01 50:56

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:58

That'd be awesome. I could go all day about music. I love music too.

SPEAKER_01 51:02

Who's your favorite artist?

SPEAKER_03 51:05

I got quite a few of those.

SPEAKER_01 51:07

Just like your number one that you know that if you had to go see anybody, that would be the first person that you'd be like, I want to go see them. Who's it? Michael Jackson. Oh, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_03 51:20

I've liked Michael Jackson ever since I was a kid. I used to I used to try to do the moonwalk and everything. Me too. He was the real one.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

He's the one you inspire to be. Yeah, that's that's the one that's right up there.

SPEAKER_03 51:30

He was the first he was the reason why I wanted to go to breakdancing school, all that stuff when I was a kid. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 51:37

I didn't think you were gonna say Michael Jackson. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:40

I did not. I love Michael Jackson. His music's amazing. His dance, his dancing, no one can compare to him. He's an all-around entertainer. All-around entertainer. And then my second best would be Prince. I love Prince. Ooh. You know, Prince is like wrote some incredible music. I love Purple Rain. I love dance like it's 1999. I always make that joke with people coming in that was born in 99. I always do. Oh, okay. You're gonna party like it's 99 tonight, you know.

Joy, Humour, And Body Positivity

SPEAKER_01 52:10

I never really got into Prince. I feel bad that I think music. I don't know. And I like different, but I I always like Michael Jackson's music and Whitney Houston.

SPEAKER_03 52:21

Yes, Whitney Houston. Man, we can go in here all day. I love I love all of these artists from that time. Like, people understand, like, I'm obsessed with music. Music is me. Like, there'll be mornings I'll be singing along to uh, what's her name? Celine Dion, and there'll be other mornings I'll be singing along to Whitney Houston, you know, or Tina Turner, or Aretha Franklin.

SPEAKER_01 52:48

Oh, yeah, those are all the grades. I grew up in that. Like my dad was Motown, he was all about the soul music, right? And my mom was into country. So I got to have growing up as a kid, I would hear country music in the mornings on Saturday, and my mom's cleaning and cooking, and listen to Conway Twitty and George Jones and the Redder.

SPEAKER_03 53:04

I listen to him too.

SPEAKER_01 53:05

And then my dad'd be washing the truck and he'd be outside with his music, listening to like Percy Sledge and like Fats Domino. And so I'd get that whole but my dad loved Michael Jackson.

SPEAKER_03 53:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:16

And and you know my mom did too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:18

My mom loves Michael Jackson.

SPEAKER_01 53:19

And Elvis Presley, he's another one. I love Elvis.

SPEAKER_03 53:22

Elvis Presley. I love Elvis Presley. He's really good too. I love all music, like I really do. I uh Johnny Paycheck is one of my favorite country singers.

SPEAKER_01 53:31

I heard that name, but I don't know what's his big song that I would know.

SPEAKER_03 53:34

Take this job and show it. Okay, there you go.

SPEAKER_01 53:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:39

But he's got a lot of good drinking music, and that's the only reason why I liked him at the time. You know, he could sit there and you could drink a whole case of beer to his music because it's all about drinking and doing drugs, or or telling you not to do the drinking and do the drugs. Like he was an outlaw country singer. Like he was he's he did some crazy wild things in his life.

SPEAKER_01 53:58

So you probably like Johnny Cash.

Be Yourself: Final Advice And Plugs

SPEAKER_03 54:00

I love Johnny Cash. I walked a line. I like saying karaoke. I uh didn't get into it until recently because I was always afraid of what people were gonna think of me, like because of my singing. And I get it out of the way at the loose cannon a while back, and one whole half of my body was shaking, and the other half was like, let's get it out. Let's get you know okay. But I did it, I got it done. Everybody's like, Man, you picked a really good song, it was so emotional. I'm like, Wow, it was Johnny Paycheck, yeah. That's why I was listening to I put on old violin, it's one of my favorite songs by Johnny Paycheck where he talks about being the old, the old violin that's in that's in the closet, it's getting ready to be put away and never played again. Oh you know, and it's like it's his way of seeing himself, and it was it's a beautiful you have to be very connected to listening to it all the time to hear it. But he's got a good good music. There's so many songs I would sing along to to sing to my partner. And it's a really good song, it's really good. Okay, and he's got another one where the 4F blues, and it's a really catchy one, so it's a lot faster on the acoustic and the guitars and the drums, and he gets right into it, and it's really dancy, and then he's got other stuff that's not dancing because he he came up at a time where George Jones was around. Okay, right there he was on the ballots all the time with George Jones.

SPEAKER_01 55:33

I'm surprised, but that this take this job and shut it. Yeah, I know that one, but I'm surprised that that that his name didn't like ring a bell like Johnny Jones and Conway Tweety.

SPEAKER_03 55:43

Right. I know all the people didn't know him. I didn't know him until I met my friend David. And David's a big country singer, like I'm not a country singer, he's a big country folk guy. And he'd be sitting there getting drunk all day listening to Johnny Paycheck, and then I started doing it. I I was like, man, I understand now why he drinks this, you know? Oh man, 15 beers. That's a whole lot of brew in one night. Oh, that's another song of his really good. Man, he's got nothing but drinking music. So anytime the wife came home a couple years back when I was drinking again, like every day, not kidding. Every day I drank after work. Come home from working hard, landscaping, get home, start drinking, making silly videos of myself. And I was put

Closing And Next Release Schedule

SPEAKER_03 56:30

Johnny Paycheck on. The wife would come in through the door, and she's like, Oh, not again. Yeah, you have to listen to this again. You know, just getting tired of hearing Johnny Paycheck, man. Like, just so, so tired of it.

SPEAKER_01 56:45

But those those are the songs that you would listen to. Just drink it. I would be drink with my my uncle years ago. Just like, you know, he'd put on the sad songs, and that's what make him drink more because you know he had a pretty rough life there.

SPEAKER_03 56:55

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 56:56

And you just, I don't know. I don't miss it, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_03 57:03

Oh, I love singing country music. It's so easy.

SPEAKER_01 57:05

Well, I'm gonna be playing that when I when I leave here. I'm gonna put on some Johnny Page and see what he's all about.

SPEAKER_03 57:10

Johnny Page on Outlaw Biker. He does Outlaw Prayer, where he's talking about John the Baptist. Oh, okay. Yeah, you'll like that one. He was a very faithful Christian man. Good. But he talks a lot about his hard struggles. And that's what I liked about it so much. I liked hearing his story, which is why I love him doing my podcast. Hear people's stories. And it's always been my thing. I've always liked to sit down with people and hear their story. Now I'm doing it as a way of life. You know, it's it's been a part of me all my life. I love Johnny Cash though. Johnny Cash is great. I always like to sing The Ring of Fire. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's my favorite one.

SPEAKER_01 57:58

I I get to hear that music every night at Nelly's because of all the live music, right? Yeah, yeah. So I'm always hearing Johnny playing, you know, Dodge.

SPEAKER_03 58:06

Oh, Ring of Fire. Yes. I went down, down, down in the rain got fired. Anyway. I need the lyrics right in front of me. Yeah, yeah. But that's what I'm like though. Like, I can put on a song and I'll know lyrics right away, but if I don't put the song on, I don't know what the hell I'm saying. Right? That's just that's just how I am. I'm the same. Right? It's just crazy. We could be here all day talking. I know, bro. It's good though. My stepmother is like, I think I could have said a lot more. I didn't even get on the topics of this and this and this. I'm like, oh, give it time. I'll get you on season three, and you can finish it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:49

There's time.

SPEAKER_03 58:50

There's time, there's time. People will know all about you. Straight up. This week she's like, Do you need me to take you around anywhere so we can pass out some more posters and have people watch my episode? Okay. I can't wait for my next episode to come out. She's like, why do I have to wait? That's so cute. Right? Good for her. So yeah, she's she's not much older than you, like by five, six years. Okay. She had a lot to say. Good. She was ready to say it.

SPEAKER_01 59:23

Right on.

SPEAKER_03 59:24

I'm hoping everybody's like that. You know, just say it all right there. Yeah. We'll be here all day. I don't care. Yeah, it's all about giving the time to the people so that they can share both their stories. It's like a Telpeek. It's be a way to share positive news. Yeah. That's going on, community. Doesn't matter, you know, we're not gonna worry about any of the real news.

SPEAKER_02 59:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 59:50

This is a place where people can have a voice, they can talk, they can share, they can relate, they can, you know, uh promote themselves on here.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:00

Yeah. Like I said, my next song is called I'm Elevated. It's about the Lord, how I came from like drinking and being really low to now feeling high and feeling good and feeling great. So it's it's definitely a song to just say thank you, God, for bringing me out of the darkness, and and I'm feeling so much better now. So I and I I might get a chance to perform it at my church. Nice. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:26

So you gotta use the resources that are around you. Yeah. I knew a lot of guys in the town that would use a church just to play their metal music.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:36

Yeah, or just to play in the band church. Oh, okay. Right. It's like my cousin Timothy, like he he played in the band of the church all of his life as a bass player, and he liked it. Yeah. And then I have my friend Justin, who I'm gonna have on podcast soon. He played music all of his life. Like he's made he's been writing songs since he was like eight, sixteen years old. And I cannot wait to get him on here. Good. Like he's he's got so much to share, and you know, and he's got all this music that he's written, you know, and now he's on his second marriage. And now he has his own daughter. So he's very excited about having his own daughter.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:14

Good for him.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:15

Right? So we're we're we're like brothers, we're not really best friends.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:20

Nice.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:21

Yeah, but we grew up together, and it's the longest lasting best friend I have. So good.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:26

No, I got I got a bunch of songs coming this year. I'm just gonna spread them out, even and people are like, why don't you make an album? And I was like, I don't want to just like put all my work into like just an album, and then there it is. I just kind of want to make each release. It's like my baby. Yeah, like I deliver like when on release day, it's like delivering my baby to the world. Because it's like here's another song, and here's another I don't know. But eventually I'll probably collab them all together and self-title it.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:51

Sea style. You put all those singles that you get out there and you put it on an album.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:55

Right. I I I will. I feel like this next one will make a complete 12 because I'm not gonna put all I want on it because it's that that's a Christmas song, right? So I'll just leave that as a single. But I think the next one will be song number 12, and I'll I'll put it all together and make it my self-titled album, Seasyle, and then that'll be one body of work right there.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:14

And the headline song Big Booty.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:18

Big Booty House.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:20

Yeah, where you at? I showed my partner, and it's like, see, she likes the big booty.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:28

Yeah. She should have been on the cover. What?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:31

Yeah, it's just a big booty on the cover.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:35

Facts on facts. I can't help, man. I can't go past a big booty and not look at it.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:40

Right? Yeah. Yeah. I know all about that. Partner walks by me all the time, and I'm like, what are you doing? I'm just walking.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:54

And I'm so lucky because I get to see it at both jobs at the gym and at the bar, right? So I'm like seeing it all the time. No wonder. They're like, my friend's like, why do you talk about butts in your song so much? Like you get it over here and over here. I'm like, I see it all the time. I can't help but write about it. You know, like, you know. That's right. So props to the women with the big booties. Oh man, I'm done.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:19

I'm done. Uh all right, bro. What are you thinking? Well, what advice do you want to give to any of the viewers that are listening?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:31

Be yourself. You know, there's so many people trying to, you know, trying to pretend to be somebody that they're not, and just be like be yourself, be original, be authentic. Because that's what people relate to. I would say, you know, that that's what I want to be. Like when people like, you don't you sound like you're from the 90s, like this is my own sound. I'm not trying to sound like anybody else but myself. Because this is this is all we can be is ourselves. Well, that I yeah. So that's what I would say. Be yourself and don't try to be anybody else. I didn't I didn't write nothing down, but I mean I could put a few now. You know what? I know my name is C style, but I don't freestyle. But I you know I'm kicking it, you know, because I'm wicking it on wow. That's about it. You know?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:25

Well, you just tell just tell the viewers what you're on. Like you're on what? Spotify?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:30

Yep, Spotify, C style, C-S-T-I-L-E. And yeah, YouTube, all the the streaming platforms. Check me out. I might be releasing a music video here soon. And I my second performance is March 8th at Gus's pub from 7 to 10. So check me out there, and hopefully I'll be back and got some more news and some updates for y'all. So thank you again, bro, for having me on. Appreciate you.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:58

Yes, no problem.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:59

All right, all right.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:01

Wow, thank you for being on the Big Bears Podcast. And thank you for listening in, my viewers, until we see you again.

Keith "Polar Bear" Gelhorn 1:05:10

Thank you for listening to the Big Bears Podcast, a two eyed seeing approach to neurodiversity. We would appreciate it if you could listen, subscribe, engage, and share this podcast. Tune in every second Tuesday at 7 a.m. Atlantic time for a new episode.